The Wife Desired
The Man For Her

The average girl left to herself and her own resources would find it 
very difficult to develop her personality. Fortunately into her path 
are thrust several mediums for personality development. The 
scope of this chapter limits us to a discussion of only a few of 
these mediums. The first of these is her school.vintage_girl_at_school_by_j_w_smith_cards-r76937c6327594d44ab5d3f556ff516d2_xvuat_8byvr_512

For many, school is just a hurdle to get over with as little pain as 
possible before life can begin. There is something to be said for 
this attitude. Essentially, school is preparation for the future.

Most girls would prefer to get a hold on that "future" now. 
Moreover, school for too many loses its real purpose. It is not a 
place built just for the acquisition of a lot of factual information. 
It is also a place in which to learn how to live better with their 
neighbor and work out their destiny.

A pig has only one destiny, to be slaughtered and eaten. So, 
farmers do not bother teaching their little pigs to stand on their 
hind legs and do tricks. But suppose that a particularly nice little 
pig did learn many cute tricks. No one would even then speak of 
the little pig's personality. Personality suggests a soul and 
immortality, a something almost intangible reaching out beyond 
the grave.

A human being has only one destiny, to be united with God and 
share His happiness. She is unlike the little pig in another respect. 
She has a free will. She must choose what path she will walk in life, 
whether it lead to the love of God and neighbor as pointed out and 
traveled by Christ or the path of selfishness. In other words, she 
must decide whether the love of God or her own self satisfaction is 
to be the predominant driving force in her life. Whichever she 
chooses, she does so because she thinks that her choice will bring 
her the most happiness. In this connection it behooves us to 
remember the advice of the great Teacher. "He who finds his life 
will lose it, and he who loses his life for My sake, will find it."

If a girl wants to be happy with herself, she must get out of 
herself. She must lose herself. It is the type of paradox G. K. 
Chesterton loved. He thought that this advice was the best that 
could be given to Alpine mountain climbers. Chesterton, with his 
tremendous bulk, probably never got anywhere near an Alpine 
mountain climber in action. Yet, he knew what he was talking 
about, when he suggested that they read and ponder these words 
of Christ. Wives tread a path beset with as many dangers as those 
besetting the mountain climber. Well might they reflect on their 
lives in the light of this God given advice. Wives should take this 
advice from the world's most renowned teacher, Christ Himself. To 
be happy here and for all eternity they must forget themselves. 
must get out of themselves, must develop their personality and 
beauty of soul.

High school and college are tremendous occasions of grace put by 
God in the life of a girl. School is probably the greatest 
opportunity for personality development she will ever enjoy. Very 
many do not realize this.A_Woman_Sitting_At_a_Desk_Sorting_Papers_Royalty_Free_Clipart_Picture_100404-002574-795053

For a good many years I taught in high school. It was annoying to 
see so many girls just hibernating through four years. Some did 
nothing but rush home from school and do all their homework that 
they might be leaders scholastically. It was a Herculean task to 
budge the first type of girl out of her lethargy. The second looked 
sort of sideways at me when I told her to study less and play a 
little more. Both are missing too much of the best school offers.

School provides the opportunity to learn to do very many things 
and to have much fun doing them. Algebra and Geometry have 
their purpose: mental exercise and development. But school 
should be much more than just algebra and the other subjects. The 
so-called extra curricular activities are important, for they give 
girls opportunities to do things. The glee club, the gym class, the 
school athletic teams the Latin club, the dramatic club, and many 
other activities are splendid chances for improving personality.

As I write, the picture comes to my mind of a fat little girl 
complaining that gym was stupid and that she was going to sit it 
out as often as possible. If her criticism was true, the school was 
much at fault, just as much remiss as if it had an incompetent 
French or history instructor. But I am afraid that the fat little girl 
was more interested in sitting. She evidenced about as much life 
as a sack of potatoes and in posture and appearance she easily 
could double as such. She needed the gym like nobody's business. 
Some of the girls poked fun at her because she was overweight. So, 
instead of having loads of fun playing volleyball, badminton and 
basketball, she sat in the locker room and continued her 
phenomenal growth. The gym would have done wonders for her 

Through the competitive games unlimited means are afforded for 
personality growth. Remember, a girl does not become interesting 
and attractive by sitting, only by doing many things for which 
school offers the opportunity.

As most of us grow older and become less active physically, one of 
our greatest sources of entertainment is intelligent conversation. 
We derive satisfaction from the discussion of current events, of 
problems affecting our daily lives, and of sundry subjects of 
mutual interest.

Too little stress is given today in educational circles to the art of 
conversation. I believe that there are a number of reasons for this 
lack of interest on the part of educators. A group of high school 
girls at recess time usually presents the same picture. All are 
talking; none are listening. Promote talking? Teachers naturally lift 
an eyebrow if one suggests more conversation at their school. Yet 
ninety-nine per cent of all this talk is just chitchat such as "Ja eet? 
No, jews?"retro.women.talking.ecard_med

Real conversation is an art. Like any other art it must be cultivated 
and practiced. The voice is an important phase of personality. 
Often the voice alone gives the cue to personality and character of 
a girl. A petulant, or frivolous, or frigid, or nagging young lady 
frequently rings a bell of warning in her voice to interested young 
men who have ears to hear as well as to catch dirt. Likewise, a 
warm hearted and generous woman refined and cultured with a 
well developed personality can tell others of her accomplishments 
simply by speaking a few sentences. "The flute and the psaltery 
make a sweet melody, but a pleasant tongue is above them both." 
Ecclesiaticus 40, 21.

Perhaps by this time some find their thoughts wandering from the 
work at hand--namely, self appraisal and consideration of how to 
advance toward the goal of the ideal and desired wife. Maybe some 
are asking by now why they should strive to become this paragon 
of a girl. Too many young men are too stupid anyway to see and 
appreciate in a girl all the qualities of the ideal wife. Isn't a girl 
lucky for that! A girl can thank God that these imbeciles are not 
attracted to her. One of these cigarette sucking simpletons might 
rush her off her feet, and then see with what she would be stuck 
the rest of her life.

It does seem that neurotics attract each other for marriage. I 
suppose it is one more bit of evidence of the old proverb, "Birds of 
a feather flock together." So the girls who develop their 
personalities and acquire the other features of the ideal wife have 
a much better chance of attracting their counterpart, the ideal 
husband. Again, let that all-interesting ideal husband take care of 
himself for a while. Let us get back to our "netting."

Conversation is not a one way street. It connotes the ability to 
listen as well as to talk. Some people make a good audience. They 
stimulate conversation purely by the manner of their attention. 
They are alive, and thus they register. Because they are interested 
they are interesting. They bring out the best in others.

A clever girl can do wonders by the way she listens with animation 
to her boy friend. The boy friend or the husband is only human. 
There will be times when he is going to want to tell "all about it." 
He is loquacious for a change. Then for heaven's sake, let the wife 
give him the stage. Or, perhaps, he is taciturn and yearns for quiet. 
The wise wife senses these various moods of her husband.

I remember a case in which the wife hauled her husband down to 
the Chancery. Her major complaint was that her husband would 
not talk things over with her, would not confide in her. "He just 
never talks with me." This poor woman talked "like a blue streak" 
for an hour and a half. A number of times I tried to break in. At 
each failure I got a knowing look from the husband as much as if 
to say, "Know how you feel. For years I've been trying to get a word 
in edgewise."x13591416

There is a theory of counseling based on letting the estranged 
husband and wife talk themselves into their own solution of the 
problems vexing their marital happiness. There are enthusiasts of 
this school of thought who maintain that they can solve any case 
by just letting them talk. I wish they had been in on the case just 
mentioned. I finally had to run from her one day later on, when she 
came down alone to see me. I could not take any more than two 
hours of it. I imagine that she is still talking, whether at her 
husband or not I do not know. How he could stand it, I do not know 

While at school a girl should "make hay while the sun shines." It is 
then that she can acquire and develop ability at conversation. As 
she learns to swim, to play tennis, to figure skate, and to sing, she 
can talk with interest and intelligence about these things. If she 
knows nothing about music, a girl will have to be pretty clever to 
be able to "get away with" talking about music. On the other hand, 
as she develops her personality by learning to do various things, 
she should acquire facility in conversing about these things. If she 
reads good literature, she opens another tremendous potential for 
conversation. True, she must practice, and school affords that 
opportunity not only in the classroom, but even during moments 
of recreation. Practice on your girl friends? Why not? They do on 

Friends have been defined as those between whom there need not 
be conversation. Husband and wife can spend a quiet evening at 
home with a minimum of conversation and be happy and content. 
They are aware of each other's presence, and that is enough. Yet 
intelligent conversation will add immeasurably to their lives. A 
dumb Dora may have her moments; but, if she cannot formulate 
two consecutive and coherent sentences, let us all pray for 
strength for that husband of hers.