Wonderful books by Father Kinsella:
The Wife Desired
The Man For Her
VACATION TIME
Another medium for development of personality for the school girl
is vacation time. Leisure time is most necessary for the acquisition
of some abilities. When in the third year of high school, I
unbelievingly heard our English teacher tell us that in no other
period of our lives would we have more time for reading. He was
correct. As a matter of fact, I must admit that I read more and
better literature during high school days than during any
comparable length of time. So girls, let us be honest and admit
that there is considerable free time during school years. If it is
used intelligently, it can be just as important as school time for
personality development.
Unfortunately, too many "sad sacks" have a rather mean opinion of
vacation. It is nothing more than a chance to lie in bed every day
till noon. When I think of the many golden hours I had as a boy
watching the sun come up over Lake Michigan as I fished or swam
in the quiet waters of dawn, or of the joy of playing golf at dawn
with the morning mists still on the grass, I wonder if these chronic
noonday sleepers have soul to fathom how much of the beauty of
life they are missing. The beauty of God's creation is all about us.
They ought to get out of bed and drink in some of it. It can do their
souls much good. So much of life slips past the habitue of the
inner spring mattress.
CHURCH GROUPS
A girl's parish church affords another opportunity for personality
growth. Frequently I have heard girls say that they do not attend
the young people's club of their church. They went to it a few
times, but did not "get anything out of" the club. How often I have
heard that criticism. I always wonder what they expected to "get
out of" the sodality or young people's group. Was the young
assistant to put on a three ring circus for their entertainment,
while they sat like a cabbage in a movie house? Was a prodigy
similar to Fr. Malachy's miracle to be brought off? Or did they even
expect a more stupendous work: the pastor himself spinning
through the hall like a whirling dervish spraying out twenty dollar
gold coins? Hardly. Who has seen gold coins for ever so long?
These girls, disappointed in the parish group of young people, are
always looking for what they can get out of things. It never enters
their imagination that they might contribute to things. Obviously,
girls with this attitude of sitting back and waiting for life to come
to them will go away empty handed from any project. If they would
enter the parish group with the idea of giving themselves to its
success, in the long run they would be the ones to gain.
Self-seekers always end up holding the bag--an empty one. Those
who give of themselves carry off the prizes. One of these rewards
is growth in personality. Girls who give their time, energy, and
imagination to the parish group cannot fail to promote their
personality, albeit unconsciously.
A stranger in a big city gets lost in some side street. He asks
directions to his hotel. Well, your hotel is down this street, then to
the left two blocks then to the right a block. No, that's a dead end
street. It runs into the railroad yards. Let's try it this way. Take this
street we are on till you come to the stop sign. Then turn left for
three blocks. Then take a right turn till you hit that side street
running diagonally. No, by golly, that takes you to the bank of the
river. Say, stranger, I don't think that you can get to your hotel
from here!
This story often comes to my mind when I am dealing with a
marriage all washed up because the wife was a total loss in
personality. Where do they go from here? How are they going to
get back to a happy marriage from here? Marriage is a contract, in
which the parties give as well as receive. This poor creature seems
to have nothing to give.
"He married me. We have children. It's his moral obligation to stay
with me as my husband." Yes--it is his duty, but not many
marriages endure on moral obligations. Husband and wife came
together because they were attracted to each other and learned to
love each other. This love includes a physical, intellectual, and
spiritual attraction.
The moral obligation to which our imaginary wife is appealing will
steady a marriage and carry it through a crisis here and there: but
happy, successful marriages are not built on moral obligations.
Too many failures have appealed to moral obligations but have
done little to merit a contented and loving husband. Many of these
appeals to the moral law do not have the ring of sincerity, because
the authors of them paid little or no attention to the moral law
before the estrangement. For years they threw stones at the
policeman. Now they are screaming for his help. Besides, the
policeman is no solution anyway. Their clamor for him is totally in
vain.
Anybody can make serious mistakes. The saints did. The ideal wife
with personality may make a serious mistake and thereby bring
about a temporary alienation of her husband. If she possesses a
well developed personality, the conflict generally will be resolved
to mutual satisfaction. Of course, I am supposing that the husband
is not a basket case and that he has the capacity of forgiveness
and will say the Our Father from time to time with realization of
what he is saying.
Personality development is a most interesting process which can
go on till the grave. We are born with certain temperaments. We
have no control over whether we are to live with a choleric or
melancholic temperament, for example. Seldom are these
temperaments ever changed. Yet, they may be modified. We may
hold in check and even subdue the bad aspects of our particular
temperament. Likewise, the good features may be developed and
encouraged in our daily lives.
In some quarters there is the extreme opinion that we are pretty
much the victims of our temperament and the first few years of
our lives. By the time we are six or seven it is fairly well
determined what sort of lives we shall live. At this early age, so we
are told, it has already been determined whether we shall be a
shining light or a public nuisance. The only contingency is
whether the stage for us will turn out to be Paducah or Keokuk.
The only trouble with this theory is that it runs head on into the
teachings of Christ, nineteen centuries of Christian living, and our
own personal experiences. And that is some collision. Unless we
can develop and improve our characters and personalities, unless,
with God's help, we are the master of our destiny, Christ should
never have given the sermon on the Mount. "Blessed are the poor
in spirit, for theirs is the Kingdom of Heaven." It seems to be
natural for little children to be selfish and greedy--anything but
poor in spirit. Poverty of spirit must be acquired with effort.
St. Francis Xavier's youth had little in it to distinguish him from
others. Yet he learned to live the beatitude of poverty of spirit to
the extent of giving himself into slavery, that he might reach the
China coast and Christianize the natives. St. Francis changed his
whole way of life, his whole personality because he changed his
whole attitude of life and program of activity.
Teachers certainly have been struck by evidences of personality
growth and improvement. Many a little first year high school
bunny wakes up and becomes a charming and personable lady ten
years later.
When a girl is born into this life, her personality and character
might be likened to a solid piece of gold of goblet shape and size.
Thus, as a baby, the solid goblet cannot hold a single drop of the
joy of living. Should the baby grow into childhood and womanhood
with only physical development, this abnormality would eliminate
the poor creature from normal participation in life. Without growth
in intelligence and personality and character she would have to be
cared for as a little baby all the days of her life. Her golden goblet
remains solid and untouched as it was at birth. However, physical,
mental and spiritual development usually goes on apace.
As the child begins to contribute consciously to the happiness of
her parents by being affectionate and helpful, she begins to grind
out her goblet. As she learns of God and her own purpose in
existing, as she grows in the virtues and subdues the selfish
instincts of childhood, real progress is apparent in the goblet. It
now approaches the appearance of a hollow cup. During
adolescence and full-blown womanhood the capacity of the goblet
increases in direct relation to the development of her personality.
Because she has grown in personality, her capacity for living has
increased. Her golden goblet has become so delicate that it is
almost translucent. Her cup is full to overflowing with the joy of
life. And her greatest happiness comes from being able to share
her cup of happiness with the man she loves, the husband of the
desired wife.
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