Taken from FW Index
Appreciation and admiration sound the same at first thought, but they are used differently in Fascinating Womanhood (FW).You appreciate a man for what he does for you, but you admire a man for what he is.
It is possible to appreciate a man and not admire him. However, to successfully live a fascinating-womanhood lifestyle you must have all three of the A’s (accept, admire, appreciate) in place. I will say it once more, “The three A’s are the foundation upon which all the rest of FW rests.
If you do not grasp and practice these principles it will not matter if your house sparkles and your dinners are fit for kings. On the other hand, if you do these three things it makes up for a less-than-perfect house and hamburger helper.
In order for a woman to appreciate a man she needs to develop a new view of him as seen through new eyes. The first eye is dim to his faults. The second eye sees him as the rest of the world does. But the third and most important eye sees him as only you can and appreciates him as no one else does.
To fully appreciate him you need to get beyond the superficial things like looks, income, status and honor in the community. Work on a deeper set of values. Look for fine character traits such as dependability, honesty, generosity, kindness, faith and sensitivity that only you are in a position to notice.
Become aware of his intellectual gifts and special talents he portrays. You need to be careful to appreciate the things he does for you – especially the little things that may go unnoticed.
Don’t miss opportunities to appreciate him when he does things like open doors, carry groceries or other heavy items, care for the children, help with household chores, do fix-up jobs, yard work and buys you things.
Express appreciation for his effort in earning a living. You may say that these things are his responsibility, so why should you thank him just for doing his duty? Just because something is our duty, doesn’t mean we don’t want to be appreciated. Ingratitude, even for something you perceive as duty, is a serious flaw in anyone.
If you can’t find anything to appreciate then there are some special things you can do. The first is have faith in his worth and look to his better side.
This is a great quote from Goethe, “If you treat a man as he is, he will stay as he is, but if you treat him as if he were what he ought to be and could be, he will become that bigger and better man.” Another thing you can do is go back into the past and appreciate in the present something he did.
Sometimes this gives him the spark of life to carry on. Looking for virtues beneath his faults will certainly give you something to appreciate. Usually, what appears to be a fault on the outside, is just covering up a virtue on the inside, that the three A’s can bring out.
Her Marriage Is “Different”
J.P. sent this in. I have changed the names, but not the content.
Over the weekend my husband and I went Christmas shopping with another couple and I had a very interesting time seeing the contrasts in our relationships. Jack and Jill are a younger couple, married a few years and have one child together. Their relationship is “strained” most of the time and a some times you can cut the tension with a knife. Funny thing is, before starting FW I never really noticed how unhappy they are, and how much FW could help them.
Don’t get me wrong, I don’t have FW down pat, and I still have a LOOONG way to go before I really am a FW, but it was nice to see that Jim and I had made some serious progress. For instance, we all split up once we got to the mall. The guys went off with the intent to shop for us ladies, and we were to shop for our husbands. The entire time Jackie and I were walking around she was expressing her unhappiness with her marriage and kept commenting about how something was “different” with me and Jim.
We ended up at a Body and Bath store (it is one of those stores with all sorts of nice smelling lotions, soaps, etc.) and we were looking around at all the wonderful things. Jill commented that she hoped the guys bought some things for us from this store. Well, I can’t tell you how my heart swelled with pride when in meeting up with our husbands Jim was carrying a big bag from the body and bath store! YIPPEEE I can’t wait for Christmas!! (On a sad note, Jim later told me that Jack didn’t buy anything for Jill, and that just breaks my heart.)
Brought To an FW Moment
This beautiful testimony by S. K. will inspire you.
As I was getting ready to leave home to sing in the student recital hour, I asked my husband how I looked. He was wearing his reading glasses at the time, and as he looked up he said, “Blurry.” When he took off the glasses, he stood up and took me by the hands and said, “Now that’s an attractive combination. Is that for recital?” I told him, “Yes.” Then he commented that I always look lovely (!) and “deport” myself well, no matter how busy I am (!), no matter what’s going on around me (!) or how I might be feeling at the time (!). I told him smilingly, “It’s a public service.” He said, “It IS. Especially on a day when I’m leaving on a trip and the cats have [misbehaved] and I’m rushing to get everything done…” We finished with a short, sweet kiss and I felt so-o-o buoyed up. Then he said, “You make it look effortless. All great art is supposed to work like that, as if it ‘just happened that way.’ I’m glad you ‘just happened that way.'” I was bowled over (and, needless to say, sang well in recital, floating on the wings of his praise.)
Early in our marriage, my husband felt uncomfortable with my attention to the details of grooming and dress (he was a v-e-r-y casual dresser) and seldom offered any compliments. These recent remarks mean much more to me than I can easily explain. It’s more than just his positive attention to my appearance — it’s the fact that he really sees me in such a good light consistently and wants to express support for my efforts. If I could capture this experience as a snapshot, and put it side by side with one from the first years of our marriage, before acceptance, appreciation, and admiration had become a way of life for us, — the contrast would be very clear. Although no one aspect of applying FW directly brought about this beautiful experience between us, all the years of self-examination, self-instruction, and self-correction led up to what turned out to be a real “FW moment” for me. I’m still walking on air…
From our dear S.N.
FOR SALE BY OWNER Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica. 45 volumes. Excellent condition. $1,000.00 or best offer. No longer needed. Got married last weekend. Wife knows everything.
I bet she reads Fascinating Womanhood. NOT:)
Love the ‘for sale by owner comment” too funny!