Wonderful books by Father Kinsella:
The Wife Desired
The Man For Her
No one is self-sufficient. We are dependent beings, dependent upon God as well as upon many of His creatures. Too frequently some wives worry themselves with the erroneous idea that dependency is a sign of weakness. The honest truth is always a position of strength. Dishonesty is always a position of weakness. And it certainly is just as dishonest for a wife to imagine that she is independent of her husband, as it is for him to think that he is independent of her. As a married couple grow older and deeper in love, do they grow less dependent upon each other? How can you love and be loved without having someone beside yourself, outside of yourself, upon whom you are dependent? The wife who struggles against this dependence upon her husband is a little crazy. Does she want to love and be loved? Then she will not achieve her desire without dependence. The ideal wife does not hide from her husband her realization of this dependence. She glories in it. If he is only half a man, she will have his love and affection to her heart's content. When a man falls in love he gives up his freedom. No longer is he as carefree as the wind to go and come as he pleases. In a sense he becomes his wife's man Friday. His whole being gravitates toward and becomes bound to the object of his love. There are moments of alarm over the new situation. Strains of part of a song, "I'll never fall again," may run through his mind during wistful thinking of his past freedom. Yet, even if he could, he would never trade his new sweet servitude of love for the past emptiness of his life. When a woman falls in love, she likewise gives up her freedom. She too becomes dependent upon the object of her love. But God has made her more realistic. She has no misgiving about her lost freedom to be alone in the world. Obviously a wife must rely upon her husband for many things, as for example, companionship and financial security. In this discussion we are limiting ourselves to consideration of interdependence of man and wife for their emotional and physical wants. A wife needs the physical manifestation of her husband's love for her. Too many wives realize this fact about themselves only after they have separated from their husbands and have burnt the bridges behind them. "I'm sick and tired of marriage. It has been nothing but a headache. I'll never look at another man as long as I live. I have my two little children to live for. I'll be all right. Don't worry about me." I know this refrain by heart; I have heard it so often. After the lonely nights and days of two or three years they change the tune. They are interested in another man. They want a declaration of nullity for their first marriage. Because the validity of the marriage is incontestable many of these wives who did not want or need (they thought) one husband end up with two--the civil divorce courts and all their legalistic jargon to the contrary notwithstanding.