A man wants a woman who will place him in the number one position on her list of priorities, not somewhere down the line. He wants her other activities to revolve around him, not vice versa. This is an inner need that has dire consequences when things like children, career, homemaking, or friends are placed before him.
A man does not expect his wife to neglect her duties – in fact he wants these duties done to the best of your abilities, but he does not want to be less important than they are. Neither does he want to be regarded as a paycheck, convenience, escort or sex partner. This makes him feel as if he was married for a means to an end, and not for himself.
There is a tendency for women to fail in this area. With most of us it begins early in childhood with our dreams of an ivy-covered cottage, children, and a home…but no husband in it.
Later on we dream of Prince Charming. We dream of him sweeping us off of our feet and living happily ever after. The problem is, once we catch our prince, we revert to our earlier dream and leave him out of the picture. We devote ourselves to our homes, our children, and other affairs, and our husbands begin to play second fiddle to our other “more important” activities.
Let’s take a closer look in detail at some of the things we tend place first.
If you are like most women, children are highest on your list of responsibilities. This devotion to our children was placed here by our Creator, but He did not intend this duty to usurp the duty we have toward our husband. Mrs. Andelin uses a woman called Clara as an example. She was a model of devotion and the perfect mother. She always spoke in a moderate tone to her children, helped them with their lessons, catered to their needs, and gave them lavish birthday parties. Her children were the center of her world. Never had she seen a finer example of motherly devotion. Mrs. Andelin admired her greatly and wanted to be like her, until…one day she realized the unhappy place her husband had. He was a provider, and father, but not the king of his castle. He bitterly resented this position. As it grated on his personality he became angry and the uglier side of him soon began to surface.
This resentment can even cause a man to resist having more children. He won’t want any more competition for your affections than he already has.
Making him number one will not interfere with your sacred duty to your children, it will enhance it, neither will it diminish your love for them, but bring forth better fruit. Your children will be happier and more secure when their father is in his rightful place, with the respect and admiration that this position carries.
A man wants a clean home, and a comfortable environment. A man wants to be the king of his castle. The castle is there to serve the king, the king is not there to serve the castle. I like this quote from the book: “Create a home, not a showplace.” The home should not take priority over him. (This does not give you license to neglect your duties. More on this in a later lesson.)
Everyone wants to be well-groomed and cared for. We all should have self-respect, but when you spend hours on your nails, hair, clothes, exercise, etc. then your motives may be in question. If you are doing these things to please your husband, he will no doubt appreciate it, but if you are placing him second to this he may envy the public you dress for.
Do you have more feelings and closeness to your parents than you do for your husband? Do you still call your parents’ house “home”? Do you let them come between you and your husband? Do their wishes count more than his? Better check who is in the first-place spot.
5. Money, Success, Status:
Sometimes a man’s money or position becomes more important than he is. If he is happy with his job and income, then you should be willing to live within his means. If he WANTS to press on, then by all means you should back his efforts, but if you are the one pushing for more and more, you will be causing great unhappiness and problems.
6. Career, Talent, Activities, Friends:
One of the biggest obstacles in placing your husband as number one is a career. Most of us feel a great deal of pressure to do our best for our boss. With women this can be a problem, since she also is to do her best for her husband. Some women even have such a drive for success that there husband sinks down the ladder of success as she steps on his head to climb it. Care is also needed not to place clubs, pursuit of talents, outside activities and friends before your husband. You should always be willing to sacrifice a part of these things if necessary.
When a Man Comes Home
There is a time of day in most men’s lives that can become very special if given a bit of thought to detail. This is when a man comes home. Here are a few things you can do to make this something he looks forward to:
1. Have your housework done and tools put away.
2. Have your home as quiet and peaceful as possible.
3. Put away other projects such as sewing.
4. Take a minute to freshen up. Change your clothes if you need to.
5. Don’t let the children rush to him with problems and requests. These can wait until later.
Such an amazing post….thanks….please who is the author of the book you mention called “Create a home, not a Showplace…I would love to know. Have a blessed day. Betty
Hello Betty, The book is Fascinating Womanhood by Helen Andelin. 🙂
Oh I have that book….it is so amazing…thanks.
I realize when I post this that some things are not practical….like keeping the kids quiet when he gets home. I am quite aware of a busy household and what that entails. If we keep an open heart, these articles help us to look outside of ourselves and make changes that can make our hubbies happier. Remember, what goes around comes around. If you live with a good guy, you and your families will reap the rewards of making some unselfish changes. No, it is not all about us…..BUT we can only change ourselves and that’s where we need to start.
Fr Angelo said:
That’s neat that you leave your own comment!But you ought to know!
It’s great getting these little notes each day.Keep up the great work.
Thank you, Father! 🙂
Natalie P said:
Love this. I know I’ve read this before, but it’s a good reminder nonetheless.