Divided Time – The Wife Desired, Fr. Leo Kinsella

Wonderful books by Father Kinsella:
The Wife Desired
The Man For Her

The ideal wife cannot miss being a mother, unless God in His 
wisdom denies her this privilege. Her children are her crowning 
glory. Without them there is a big void in her life, and she suffers 
much more than the loss of motherhood. Without children she will 
maintain herself as an ideal wife only with effort.

When it is apparent that a couple cannot have children the 
husband who is wise will encourage her to adopt several. Little 
babies have a mysterious way of opening the hearts of the most 
selfish. It is practically a truism that love of man and wife does not 
really come to full fruition until the first baby arrives. The 
companionship which they might have been afraid of losing 
because of the child broadens and deepens instead of diminishing. 
The child draws them closer together. More sacrifice comes into 
their lives, and sacrifice is the green pasture wherein their love 
feeds and grows.

While motherhood is closely allied to the concept of the ideal wife, 
specifically it does not fall within the scope of this book and 
enters our discussion only in so far as it has bearing on the subject 
matter.

It must be obvious that motherhood adds to the charm of the wife 
desired. Other avocations may be an obstacle in her quest for this 
ideal. An opera star, a movie heroine, a career woman of almost 
any type will find it difficult to be an ideal wife. She will have to 
struggle constantly against the public phase of her life.

Motherhood brings to the wife a fuller capacity for love. If you 
ever wonder whether it is possible for a person to love more than 
one with all her heart think of a good mother and her children. She 
does not divide her love as she would portion and serve a pie. She 
gives each child all her love. Likewise she gives her husband all 
her love.

One afternoon during the first year of World War II, I visited a good 
friend. I was practically a member of the Murphy family. Judging 
that no one was home, I walked in the back door and began to 
make myself at ease. I was in the act of helping myself to 
something from the refrigerator, when Mrs. Murphy suddenly 
appeared red-eyed. She had been crying. Her youngest of seven 
children had just left for the war with the Navy. I feebly tried to 
console her, and in my youthful ignorance made the comment that 
she should not feel sad. She had six other children, all of whom 
were living close by in the same town.

A new flood of tears met this sagacious remark. She did not care 
how many children she had near her. Her own little Bob was being 
abducted into the Navy.

Obviously love is not something that is doled out in measure. This 
mother's grief was full over the loss of her son because her love 
was full to overflowing for each child.

Any man who has observed a young mother in her daily chores of 
keeping house and caring for three or four young children faces 
the fact that he belongs to the weaker sex. There seems to be no 
limit to the patience and energy of such a woman, perhaps 
because there is no limit to her love.

I recall a number of husbands of broken marriages who listed 
among their complaints the grievance that their wives had no time 
for them; they gave it all to the children. However, as the story 
unfolded it invariably turned out that the wives had little time for 
the boobs because they sat on their breeches and let their wives do 
all the work in caring for the children. Had they pitched in to help 
with the children they would have had more companionship and 
love in their joint effort. Furthermore, the wives would have had 
also a little more time and energy left for their husbands. After all, 
there are only twenty-four hours in one day.

Sociologists interested in the welfare of family life in the United 
States have expressed alarm over the growing number of wives and 
mothers employed outside the home. Some years ago a survey was 
made of women thus gainfully employed.

To many, one surprising feature of the survey was the finding that 
nearly ninety-five per cent worked only because they felt that it 
was necessary. An overwhelming percentage of these women 
expressed little enthusiasm for having to leave their homes for 
work. They felt that financial conditions at home necessitated 
their decision. In many cases the husband's annual income simply 
was not sufficient to support the family.

Frequently the couple regarded additional income as a temporary 
necessity. The husband had lost his job. Hospital and medical bills 
had to be met.

It is a sad commentary on our modern, industrialized country that 
so many thousands of these wives and mothers have to hire 
themselves away from their homes and children. There are cases 
in which the family is kept from falling apart at the seams 
economically only through the valiant efforts of a stout-hearted 
wife. Although family life suffers because of her absence, no one 
can criticize her. It seems that the more real is the urgency for her 
additional income and the more she regrets leaving the home, the 
more chance she has to remain an ideal wife and mother.

There is no doubt that working away from home brings greater 
problems for the married woman as a mother. But remember that 
we must here distinguish as much as we can between the married 
woman as a wife and as a mother. Here we are limiting ourselves to 
a discussion of how working out of the home is a real handicap to 
the married woman ever approaching the ideal wife in respect to 
companionship.

Picture for yourself the wife who works. She returns from the 
factory, the office, or the schoolroom with a day's work behind 
her. She is tired, but other tasks face her. She has to care for the 
home. She must do the shopping for the breakfast and evening 
meals. If she has children, especially those of school age or 
younger, she has another demand upon her--a demand for which 
she cannot possibly have time and energy, if she works outside the 
home.

On such a merry-go-round she wears down physically. Her nerves 
become frayed. She retrogresses mentally and spiritually. With all 
this varied activity she has no time or desire for companionship 
with her husband.

Is the additional income worth the price she has to pay? Her net 
income is usually much less than she might suppose. Because she 
has not more time for them, her shopping and preparation of 
meals are more expensive. Her carfare to and from work and her 
extra clothes for work also draw from her income. Is the net 
remaining income worth the sacrifices she and her family have 
had to make? It is almost impossible for the wife to remain queen 
of the home if she works.

The disadvantages of working are so numerous that a wife should 
resist the economic pressure of keeping up with the Jones family. 
She should leave the home only under the greatest urgency.

Then, of course, a word in passing must be given to the married 
women who work just so that they have some extra "pin money." 
Many of them feel that this money, hard earned at some factory or 
store, is completely theirs. This income is not pooled into the 
family resources. No accounting is made to the husband, who may 
not know whether she has five dollars or five thousand. "It is none 
of his business," many of them say.

Is it his business that she has to neglect his home, their children, 
and him in order to work? It is incomprehensible how these wives 
can be so selfish and stupid. A high percentage of them eventually 
get acquainted with the divorce courts or at least are a thorn in the 
side of some marriage counselor.

One day an irresponsible sort of happy-go-lucky husband was 
keeping me from a good book, or the golf course. He had no work 
and seemed little concerned about his unemployment. On being 
asked whether he was not worried about the future he naively told 
me that he was not and that his wife was working and was in good 
health.

There are enough unmarried characters around similar to the 
husband just mentioned to put a girl looking for a good husband 
on the alert. However, the vast majority of men do not appreciate 
the wife wanting to work.

It does their ego little good. If they are weak-kneed enough to give 
in to the wife leaving the home, often they will be the type to sit 
back and stagnate. I know offhand of no case in which a working 
wife spurred her husband on to the heights. Likewise, I know of 
very few working wives who were able to remain their husband's 
companion.

There are other things to a home besides new appliances and 
expensive furniture which a working wife may contribute to the 
home. It is in the home where the husband and wife can have the 
greater part of their companionship. This will be possible if she 
has the bulk of her work done when he gets home from his work. 
With the children tucked away early they have a few hours to 
themselves in the comfort of their own home. Occasionally they 
will be able to and should get out for a dinner, a show, or an 
evening with friends. A working wife will hardly be able to 
accomplish these things, and if she does it will be only with strain.

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