Many wives who read "The Wife Desired" felt that their husbands had 
been neglected. They would like to see a book for them. "Wouldn't 
work," I always said. "They would never buy or read a book for self-
improvement as husbands."

"I'll bet you mine will read," one wife replied. "I'll get the book, say 
not a word to my husband, and read a chapter or so each night. 
Occasionally I'll burst out into laughter. Soon he'll wonder what's 
going on. I'll leave the book lying around. If I know my husband, 
curiosity will have him into it in not time."

So that is the reason why there is "The Man for Her." I could not run 
forever from all the wives who had read "The Wife Desired."


Doctors, lawyers, and other professional men study and train for 
years before they practice. Likewise, tradesmen of all sorts must 
slowly learn their trade. But who needs any preparation to be a 
husband? He is fitted by nature to be the answer to any discerning 
maiden's prayer. All he has to do is pop the question to the 
fluttering girl, stand before the altar, and he has it made.

"Oh, yes?" all the ladies sing out in chorus. There do seem to be a 
few dissident voices raised to the statement that all males, just 
because they are males, naturally slip into the groove of the 
perfect husband. Some never seem to hit the groove. Others, after 
brief success, jump out of the groove and wobble all over the 
family lot.

For women marriage is a full time job. For men it is a part time job. 
A big part of his time and energy is spent in making a living. No 
doubt that is why most of the advice found in magazines, Sunday 
supplements, and so forth, is for wives. In fact, most of the 
women's magazines devote a considerable amount of space to the 
end of improving m'lady. How to wear clothes more elegantly, how 
to make better use of "make up," how to be the best Cook on the 
block, how to be a successful and happy wife--these are the topics 
which help to sell magazines to ladies. Has anyone heard of a 
man's magazine devoted to his self-improvement?

Even the Bible in its numerous references to husband and wife 
gives much more advice to the wife. So, perhaps, husbands should 
be let go blissfully on their way. After all, what wife would wish to 
destroy her husband's self-confidence? I certainly do not intend to 
trifle one bit with that male ego.

The only effort in subsequent chapters will be to observe 
successful, happy husbands in action. How does a husband 
manage to have the wife desired, and in having her, reach the 
pinnacle of earthly happiness? We hope to find the answer to this 
question as we read on.

The most miserable people in the world are those who bring 
unhappiness to others. Contrarily, the happiest of all are they who 
make others happy. Has anybody ever seen a miserable, 
cantankerous wife with a joyful husband in tow? So, husbands, if 
you would escape a fate worse than death, cultivate a happy wife. 
The Man For Her is smart enough to keep his wife purring. And 
should he stumble into the doghouse he knows the way out.

One day three golfing companions and I were witnesses to a very 
amusing situation. A real duffer or "hacker," as we used to say in 
caddie parlance, was manfully swinging away on the first tee. 
These were not practice swings. He had blood in his eye, and had 
his golf ball been a living thing it would have been in danger of 
being hacked to death. Finally he dribbled the ball off the tee. As 
he stalked down the fairway he pulled out of the caddie cart a 
nationally read picture magazine. In that particular issue there was 
an article by a famous professional giving away the secret of his 
long domination of the pro tournament tours.

"If somebody else can drive two hundred and seventy-five yards 
down the fairway, why can't I?" was written all over his face as he 
glared at the magazine. We were skeptical of the results of his 
determined reading. Only an experienced student of the game of 
golf could understand the article, much less put it into practice. 
Yet, the duffer was reading it avidly as he trudged over to the 
rough after his ball. The incongruity of the situation made all of us 
chuckle.

Many tens of thousands of men, many of whom are husbands, do 
wish to improve their golf game, otherwise there would not be so 
many books on the subject. Hardly a season passes without one of 
the leading professionals coming out with a book on how to play 
better golf.

Everytime a person goes to school or reads a book to learn 
something it is an act of humility. It is a healthy admission that he 
does not know everything. We have humble golfers. Can't we have 
humble husbands?

Countless happy marriages are mute testimony that there are 
humble husbands. However, divorce courts, marriage counseling 
services, family relation institutes, and aggrieved wives are 
testimony (and not so mute) that many husbands could learn a 
thing or two. Here I must be allowed the indulgence of a word or 
two to the wise. My own experience as a marriage counselor is that 
failures seldom indicate any realization that there is anything to 
learn about playing the role of the successful husband. At best, if 
the light ever came, it came too late. The wife was through, gone.

The purpose of this book is not to attempt to revive dead 
marriages. If, however, through the grace of God, the reunion of 
one husband with his wife is accomplished, all this ink would be 
justified. Yet, I am not appealing to hopeless, psychopathic 
"duffers." I am not capable even if I wanted to deal with them. The 
hope in these pages is that some young men may become more 
aware that, as there are a few tricks to every trade, there is 
something to be said for preparing to be a husband. Also, perhaps 
some husbands could pick up a tidbit here and there whereby they 
could bring a little more happiness to those wonderful girls they 
married some years ago.

Once I heard a wife say that her husband was the most wonderful 
man in the world and that she adored him. What husband is there 
who could be indifferent to such praise from the one he loves? 
What husband worthy of the name would not literally stand on his 
head to merit such esteem?

Full happiness can come to a husband only through his wife. 
Success in business and the social world are as ashes in his hand, 
if he fails to win the love and admiration of his chosen partner for 
life. The unsuccessful husband is sometimes the successful 
business man. Frustration at home drove him to find his niche 
elsewhere. And it is a niche he would gladly vacate were not real 
happiness denied him in his own home.

So many happy husbands and so many miserable husbands. What 
is the reason? Different wives, of course! The reader who thinks 
that to be the only answer should drop this book and go quietly to 
sleep. On the other hand, if he knows this ungallant answer is at 
least an over-simplification, in subsequent chapters he may find 
many different types of happy husbands and how they were 
successful.

During the months I spent collecting the material for this book I 
asked quite a number of young ladies to give me, in a few hundred 
words, their picture of a real husband, a flight of fancy, if they so 
desired. I have come to realize that the task was far from easy. Not 
one of the young ladies produced a thing in spite of several 
reminders. One, upon being asked by her mother why she had not 
begun writing, replied that if she could get down on paper the 
things in her soul people would think she was looking for God, not 
a husband.

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The Wife Desired by Fr. Leo Kinsella
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