Oftentimes, love is cultivated by the turning of our minds and hearts….away from the negative, to the uplifting and generous.

Alive von Hildebrand mentions it in this short letter, “Daily rekindle it in your heart and let it nurture your love”.


from By Love Refined – Alice von Hildebrand

Dear Julie,

I’m glad to hear your love for Michael has deepened in the four weeks you’ve known him as husband (rather than as fiancรฉ). It’s clear that you’ve truly been granted “the eyes of love.”

Usually, we encounter in others only a caricature of their being; we are only able to discern what they’ve made of themselves rather than what they’re meant to be.

In other cases, we see only what others allow us to see, for they hide their true selves because they’ve been wounded so often or they’re shy or they fear they’ll be misunderstood.

Yet, even though we don’t often see it, all people are created in God’s image and likeness; each one in some mysterious way reflects Him and has within himself an incredible beauty, which is mostly covered by the dust and dirt of sin.

When you fell in love with Michael, you were given a great gift: your love took you past appearances and granted you a perception of his true self, who he’s meant to be in the deepest sense of the word. You discovered his “secret name.”

Those who love have been granted the special privilege of seeing with incredible intensity the beauty of the one they love – while others see primarily his exterior acts, and particularly his failings. At this moment, you see Michael more clearly than does any other living human being.

I can illustrate this best with a story from the Gospel (which is so illuminating that even an unbeliever can profit from it). Do you recall the Gospel story of the Transfiguration? The apostles went with Jesus to the top of Mount Tabor, and suddenly Jesus became radiant and his garments a dazzling white. For the first time, the apostles were allowed to see Jesus directly, clothed in His glory as God. He was transfigured before them.

Similarly, when you fell in love with Michael, you saw his true face, his unique beauty: with the eyes of love, you were granted a “Tabor vision” of Michael.

Trust this bright Tabor vision you’ve been given. Daily rekindle it in your heart and let it nurture your love. If you let it form the cornerstone of your faithfulness to Michael, your marriage will be rich, indeed.

With all my love,


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