We’ve always used the adage “Fake it Till You Make It”. That may rankle some, but it can be valuable.
I chuckle when I think of one of our own stories. It is kind of random when associated with the following tidbits but I think it’s a great story and this is my chance to tell it! 😀
Hubby was looking for a job. He applied with a brick mason and the foreman asked if he had laid brick before. All he said to the foreman was, “Yes.”
My husband is a great rock mason, but brick was a whole different animal for him. At that time, he had built one brick mailbox for a customer…hehe.
The first day on the job, my husband showed up with his clumsy-looking rock trowel and dug in. The other guys looked askance at him but they kept on working.
A few days and many bricks later found Vincent gaining great speed, awkward trowel and all, as he slapped that mortar on the bricks like bread on butter! One of the guys walked up to him with a smile and said, “You really fake it till you make it, don’t you?”
Vincent let out a big grin……
If a virtue eludes us, “faking it” can be just using our will and doing it any way…..we may find that the virtue sticks, like mortar on a brick! 🙂
from The Surrendered Wife: A Practical Guide To Finding Intimacy, Passion and Peace
Faking It Can be Valuable
Sometimes a woman will tell me that she can’t treat her husband respectfully because he really is being a jerk, or really blew it with the taxes or just doesn’t seem worthy. She will even go so far as to tell me she feels dishonest about acting like she respects what he thinks when she just doesn’t.
What she means is that she doesn’t feel like treating him respectfully.
Of course it’s important to be honest in your relationship, but it’s also important to be polite. If you have to overlook your husband’s minor faults to treat him respectfully then do it.
Do this for the same reason you would go to work in the morning even if you didn’t feel like it — because it’s something you’ve committed to doing and others are counting on you.
Just as it’s not “dishonest” to go to work when you’re not in the mood, it’s not dishonest to treat your mate with respect when you don’t feel like it. It’s just a matter of keeping your commitment — in this case, a sacred one.
Sleep With Both Eyes Shut
If you’re anything like me, you’re used to being vigilant all the time. This means that although you have plenty of your own responsibilities, you keep an eye on lots of other things as well.
We do this because we believe that if we were really to let go and sleep with both eyes shut, everything might go to hell in a hand-basket.
For instance, I used to think that when my husband was driving it was up to me to warn him about cars in his blind spot, tell him when he was tailgating and point out choice parking spots. Otherwise, I feared, we would get in an accident (or have to walk too far).
When I thought about it, my husband’s good driving record reflected that he didn’t need any help from me.
Now I know what to do: I close my eyes — both of them.
Why We Love Men
They do seem completely bizarre at times, but there are some characteristics that are universally male that I’m very grateful for.
For one thing, they don’t harbor grudges like we do. That means that while I’ve still got a list of grievances from things my husband said in 1989, he’s generally focused on the present and has forgotten (and therefore forgiven) all my transgressions from the past.
For another thing, they don’t talk as much as we do. That makes me the only one around here who goes on and on about how I feel. Thank goodness.
Finally, let’s not overlook their willingness to put themselves in uncomfortable and even dangerous situations for our comfort. This covers a range of behaviors, including giving us their jackets when we’re cold and risking their safety to protect us.
Men are not as complicated, require far less maintenance, don’t mind lifting heavy stuff and are easy to please. How many women can you say that about?
I thought so.
My thoughts:
A few things Vincent has done lately for me…..unplugging the sewer (yuck!), visiting with my dad and watching the baseball game with him when he (Vincent) was pooped, supporting me with the blog….100%.
What about you? Do you have any examples of how your hubby did something (little or big) for you lately? How about an example of “Faking it till you Make It?” I’d like to hear from you today!
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I love this post!
Thing hubby did recently for me: made me a goat stanchion so I didn’t have to practically crawl on the floor to milk the goats. LOL I even suggested that the boys need more hands on stuff; maybe they could help him? What’s funny is that I definitely had to fake it then; he had them put nails and screws in, which was fine by my feminine standards, but he also carefully taught them how to saw a board in half; and I almost died, my smile was definitely fake on that one while I was quite amazed in the boy’s eyes. LOL
As far as faking it til you make it… I do it all the time with the kids. I get distracted so easily anymore with 9 kids and sometimes it’s frustrating when I am trying to get something done that takes brain work. But a couple of years ago I made a point to ALWAYS stop and listen to them and comment on what they showed me when I am on the computer; it’s finally become habit for me and I don’t even think about it. I could still be better when I have company over; but I”m a work in progress, right? 😀
That’s great and you’re right, Natalie, “a work in progress”….it;s a journey…. Thanks you for your thoughts today…and the inspiration to stop and listen for the hundredth time when our children are clamoring for our attention!
“they don’t talk as much as we do.”
I guess you don’t know the same men I do. :/ Some of them go on and on – not necessarily about feelings, but telling the same stories over and over, repeating misinformation and presenting urban legends as facts, and getting mad when someone challenges them, and telling dumb jokes that go on too long, and explaining obvious things like everyone other than them is five years old, and interrupting constantly, and basically dominating every conversation and just running right over anyone else who tries to speak.
Not every man I know, but quite a few. And then there are the ones who don’t do this stuff, but are just chatty (I don’t mind these ones at all – but they’re still another example of talkative men).
Ouch….sorry you have had such bad experiences. The men I know are not always perfect in their speech either, as I am not, but I think it is accepted that women generally talk more than men. I don’t think that was meant to downgrade women, though. It is just a beautiful and refreshing thing to appreciate the differences….:)
My sweetie helped set up a small garden for me and gathers the edible nutritious “weeds” in the morning for the smoothie. <3 He rubs my back and gives me wonderful hugs. He listens kindly, but his advise was not always what I expected(or at times wanted). In those cases work is still needed from me…what was it called, oh yes, work in progress. 😉 He likes my cooking even when it could have been better. He takes care of his own mom, a widow, when he can. He shares his Faith with his children. He is a great guy!
Thanks for this post and the thoughts! 😀
Thank you Mary! Very refreshing…I can picture him picking the “edibles” and both of you enjoying your healthy breakfast together…lovely. Sounds like a great guy!
I think we overlook the fact that they go to work every day, and often in less than ideal situations. My husband works in a field which “celebrates diversity”, and we all know what that means. As a Catholic white male, this means he is the bullseye target for all the “diversity” advocates. As most men are, he is an excellent compartmentalizer and keeps his private life private, his work life at work, etc. But this does not mean he is invulnerable. He is a highly skilled professional, but the fact that he has six children, has been married to the same woman and only that woman (and that he is married to a woman, for that matter), and is a practicing Catholic definitely worries him as to his employability eventually. He is very concerned that our sons may find themselves unemployable when the time comes, due to the developments in our culture.
Our Catholic husbands and fathers I think worry a great deal about the stability of their jobs, because they could easily be asked to do something they cannot do as a condition of retaining that employment. Things could get that bad. I think we forget that many men have that burden looming in their minds on a frequent basis.
I agree, Elizabeth, I do not envy them their role. They have much to worry about. When I hear complaints about men being able to “get out” and not have to stay at home like the women do, I have to wonder. I am quite content to be my own boss in my own home. Yes, there is a lot to do, and many sacrifices, but I wouldn’t want to switch roles, that ‘s for sure!