Both of these points from The Surrendered Wife spoke to me. I think most women like to have control, and yes, even (and maybe especially) control of their husbands to varying degrees. Letting go of that control is an act of the will and a commitment to trust God with results.
The last point about being over committed…..I can relate. Let go of some of it….Keep this in mind next time you want to commit to something:
The Miracle of Perpetual Dating
Remember how much fun it was to date your husband when you first met? Those glory days return when you surrender control. Every time you go out to eat or to a movie, he takes care of you by paying for both of you and handling any details.
Instead of bickering at dinner, you can talk about things that interest you, what you hope for and how you’re feeling. You can laugh together and hold hands, as you enjoy being treated like a princess again.
Most of all, you can let him treat you the way he did when you were first dating by letting him know what a nice time you had and thanking him for taking you out. If you do, you’ll enjoy the miracle of perpetual dating for many years to come.
Before you take on more work, responsibility or expense, ask yourself if you can really make snacks for the team, head up a committee or work late without causing yourself distress. Will you have to sleep less, speed to be on time or skip out on going to the gym? Then don’t do it.
Instead, practice saying these empowering words: “I can’t.” They work just as well when your child’s teacher asks you to volunteer in the classroom as they do when your husband asks you to stop by the dry cleaners on an already too-busy day. They require no further explanation.
If you’re thinking, “but that’s not true because I can do it ,” think again. If what you want is to feel good, stay balanced and have enough energy to foster an intimate marriage, you really can’t do it all. Think of the phrase “I can’t” as shorthand for reminding yourself that it’s okay to save your time and energy for you and your relationship.
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Yes, interesting. It is hard to know sometimes when something is good to get us moving versus when something is just dragging our time and energy.
For any mothers with busy daughters, teaching them that last one is important too! As a young man, so often it seems that women, or their mothers, want to fill their lives to bursting with good things that keep them busy bettering themselves. Yet they forget that the betterment is to serve God better through being a wife or a religious vocation. Too often there are young women that are too busy doing other things that they have no time for discernment, for a young man to court her, or religious retreats. The same ability to say no when having a family is needed to have time to make a family.
Thanks for that reminder, Chad. We can fill our lives with many “good” things and there is nothing wrong with that….UNLESS it is keeping us from the important things. And important things may be hard to see at times….like being able to “kick back” to just enjoy others or to embrace what is happening in the moment or to try and listen to God’s voice for us. I find this difficult, too.
Quite right Chad. I’ve written about that problem before- of the setting of the vocation lower in priority than other “things.” Many of which are good, but not rising to the same level of importance.
It’s amazing, isn’t it, how the vocation of wife and mother has been lowered to where it is not a priority in most young women’s lives when it comes to preparing for their life’s work? Oh for the day when this holy and wonderful vocation is put back on the pedestal in which it belongs!
As distressing as it is Leane, it isn’t surprising given how much being a wife and mother has been denigrated in the past few decades. What amazes me is how this denigration could have happened. There is a nobility and glory that comes with being a wife and, especially, mother that is all its own. Yet it is treated as nothing important these days.
How many Christians ever stop to think about the fact that the first Human God created, Adam, was not the one who possessed the means to create new life? It was Eve who was given that special gift. There is, I think, a deep significance to this. One that uplifts women without denigrating men, unlike the common scheme found these days.