We are coming close to the end of another courtship in our home so I thought I would do a throwback of this older post.
This is Dominic and Sarah and they will be married in a week. They have had a beautiful courtship and are looking forward to the big day!
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Here are pictures of our other couples:
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Courtship is a precious and precarious time.
There is one thing that we have done in our home that has paid great dividends. I know that everyone has their own dynamics in their home. But we started this at the beginning of our first child’s courtship season and have found it to be very beneficial. It’s called “chaperoning“.
Now, this may seem a somewhat antiquated approach. We don’t mind that. We have tested the waters and after marrying 5 of our children off, we know of the benefits.
The married children will attest to it, too, and appreciate, in hindsight, all the effort put into having a little kid brother and sister with them at all times. It has saved them from even entering upon perilous temptations!
Don’t get us wrong. They have time to talk and get to know one another. But it is usually in our or the upcoming spouse’s home while the family is doing other things. The couple will sit outside on the swing, or sit and talk on the couch. We are not breathing down their necks. But if they decide to go for a walk, or want to go to dinner, or even go to the Adoration Chapel to make a holy hour, they will have someone tagging along!
It can get pretty annoying, I am sure. And I let the couples know that it is annoying to the chaperone, too, so it goes both ways and not to complain! But in general, it is accepted and they do not murmur! In fact, they are very grateful and know that it is a big effort on everyone’s part to ensure the purity and beauty of their courtship period.
And when they walk away from that wedding, hand in hand, with no little kid tagging along, they are one happy couple!!!!
I Kissed Dating Goodbye
by Joshua Harris
Seven habits of highly defective dating
1) Dating leads to intimacy, but not necessarily to commitment.
2) Dating tends to skip the ‘friendship’ stage of a relationship.
3) Dating often mistakes a physical relationship for love.
4) Dating often isolates a couple from other vital relationships.
5) Dating distracts young adults from their primary responsibility of preparing for the future.
6) Dating can cause discontentment with God’s gift of singleness.
7) Dating creates an artificial environment for evaluating someone’s character.
Unless a man is prepared to ask a woman to be his wife, what right has he to claim her exclusive attention? Unless she has been asked to marry him, why would a sensible woman promise any man her exclusive attention?
Hints
1) Friendship is about something other than the two people, something other than the two friends being together. The key to friendship is a common goal or object on which both companions focus. As soon as the two people involved focus on the relationship (intimacy), it has moved beyond friendship.
2) Include others (i.e. friends, family, or strangers) instead of isolating yourselves with just one person.
3) Seek opportunities to serve, not to be entertained.
Excellent post! Thank you for sharing your real life experiences that set a beautiful example. You prove it can be done in this secular day and age!
Thank you, they all look so very very happy! :’) Congratulations to the new, almost couple!!! 🙂
This description of chaperoning and allowing the couple time to get to know each other within the home sounds so lovely. Would you mind clarifying how this system works (or doesn’t work at all) with adult children who go off to university? I imagine this kind of courtship only works if the adult children remain living at home until they marry, and that would generally exclude a university education.
It would be much more difficult living away from home. My son was working at the monastery in Wyoming when he met his wife to be. Because he had a background in chaperoned siblings, they were both very careful, used chaperones as much as possible, and group settings. It takes a lot of commitment on the couple’s part if they are away from home.
I wish more parents would practise this with their children; there would be so much less heartache later on.
Great topic! I cannot agree more with everything you said and quoted. Anthony and I had a very chaste, chaperoned courtship. It was annoying sometimes of course, but we were so glad it was that way. We just celebrated eight years of marriage last week, and it’s been wonderful. I know it is going to sound even more antiquated and silly by the time our children are ready to seek spouses, but we do plan to follow the courtship model for them as well. None of my siblings did and I have seen nothing but pain and heartbreak come of it.
Thank you so much for sharing, Emily! What a great witness you are to those around you! Your children children are very fortunate to have such parents!
I wish more parents acted as you and your husband do, Leane. The present marriage market is the worst, and I’m glad that your children haven’t had to go through what I and others have to endure. Hopefully more parents will follow in your example.
Thank you, Donal. I appreciate your kind words.