If there is one thing to be said about Fascinating Womanhood, it is that we are to go the extra mile! In this excerpt, Helen Andelin describes to us the masculine needs and how to meet them….
From Fascinating Womanhood, Helen Andelin (with permission)
To further succeed, help your husband succeed in his role by understanding three masculine needs:
- A man needs to function in his masculine role as the guide, protector, and provider.
- He needs to feel needed in this role.
- He needs to excel women in this role.
1. Function in His Masculine Role:
First, he needs to function, as the head of the family, and to have his family honor and support him in this position.
Second, he needs to succeed in earning the living, in meeting his family’s essential needs, and to do so independently, without the help of others.
And third, he needs to serve as the protector, sheltering his family from harm, danger, or difficulty.
- Feel Needed in His Masculine Role:
He needs to feel that his family really needs him as their guide, protector, and provider. When a woman becomes capable of providing for herself, able to make her own way in the world, independent of her husband, she loses her need for him. This is a great loss to him.
So deep is his need to feel needed as a man, and to serve as a man, that when he is no longer needed he may question his reason for living.
This can affect his tender feelings for his wife, since his romantic feelings partly arise from her need to be protected, sheltered, and cared for.
- Excel Women in Masculine Role:
A man is not usually aware of his need to excel women until a situation arises which threatens him, such as when a woman outsmarts him in his own field, advances to a higher position, brings home a bigger paycheck, or excels him in anything which requires masculine strength, skill, competence, or ability.
Failures in Society
Unfortunately, we see these principles violated in modern life. Women have invaded the man’s world. We have a generation of working mothers, competing with men for greater achievement, the more-honored positions, or a bigger paycheck.
At home it is almost as bad. The woman takes control and tries to run things her way. Disappearing is the trusting wife who looked to her husband for strong guidance, a solid arm to lean on.
The masculine arm may be there, but she is not leaning on it. She does many of the masculine chores herself.
The independence of women is making masculine care and protection unnecessary, and this is a loss to both of them. As the man is deprived of his masculine function he feels less needed and therefore less masculine.
As the woman assumes masculine burdens she takes on male characteristics, to fit the job. This means a loss of femininity, a loss of gentleness.
The male responsibility adds strain to her life, more tension and worry. This results in a loss of serenity, a quality very valuable if she is to succeed in the home.
And when she spends her time and energy doing the man’s work, she neglects important functions in her own role. This results in losses to the entire family.
To succeed, keep well in mind his masculine role as the guide, protector, and provider. Remember, if he is to be happy, he must function, feel needed, and excel you in this masculine role.
Let him lead the family, do the masculine jobs around the house, and provide the living. Only in rare emergencies should you step over into his role and do the masculine work.
As he functions in his masculine role, don’t expect perfection. Don’t scrutinize his performance to see if he is doing things right. If he neglects his masculine duties and it causes you severe problems, don’t complain.
Instead say to him, “I have a problem.” State clearly your problem and the trouble it has caused. Then ask, “How do you think I should handle it?”
This honors him as the leader, puts the problem on his shoulders, and helps him feel needed. If he continues to fail in his duty, be patient. Change comes slowly.
To further succeed offer him appreciation. A man’s role is not an easy one, as I will soon explain. His greatest reward is your appreciation for his daily efforts.
Be lavish in your appreciation. It may mean more than his paycheck.
And last, be faithful to perform your domestic duties. This more sharply defines your roles and helps him succeed in his.
Please note! For anyone planning on attending this function this weekend, due to air conditioning issues, the venue has changed (though not far from the original one!) See this updated flyer and pass it on!
Fix him his favorite meal and your best dessert, put on some soft romantic music, give yourself enough time to look your best, and you’re all set for when he gets home. He’ll feel like a king and know he’s a top priority in your life! -Emilie Barnes, 365 Things Every Woman Should Know https://amzn.to/2J7lRVF (afflink)
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Reading this post, while true, fills me with utter conflict. How do you counsel a military wife and wife of a pilot, whose husband is home only half the time? A wife who is asked by her husband to work? The wife of a child/multiple children with special needs (eg. Autism) who needs to work to support the bills for therapy for special needs children? I love your posts but in moments where times are really tough on the wife, there is very little compassion found in them. I’m not sure how to digest that feeling, because to speak the truth leaves me feeling very guilty for not being able to uphold the feminine role. The truth is, some women have to be mom and dad. Please pray for families that are not traditional, but are trying very hard, thank you!
Amanda, there are exceptions. My mom had to work, also. I don’t think everybody can be put into a cookie cutter mold. But it is something to strive for, even in little ways. We need to be aware of these things. But don’t take it as an all or nothing. We do the best we can in our circumstances.
Just another thought: We do need to pray for an open heart to make any hard changes that God wants from us. But, once again, each has to, with a good spiritual director, decide what that is….
Angela Spear said:
Amanda, I have the utmost sympathy for your situation. But Leanne is writing from her life, her experience. It is unfair to expect her to address every situation out there, and it would be foolish of her to try.
Here is the title of a book that may help you, By Dawn’s Early Light, Prayers and Meditations for Catholic Military Wives
by Donna-Marie Cooper O’Boyle.
God Bless you and a most sincere THANK YOU for your service, and for your husbands service!
Mrs.Laura Crismore said:
Do what is necessary,then do what is possible,then you will do the impossible. All for the love and glory of God with common sense in each situation. The most important is to truly appreciate your man as he is. Simply offer the last decade of the joyful mystery to truly love and appreciate your man. Wonderful blessings come from this prayer. There in lies a beginning we can ALL handle.
A very good read, thank you and God bless the military that keep our country safe!