I have had some ladies ask me questions that I have not had the time to answer. So I thought I would take this time to answer them here. Please forgive me for not getting right back to some of the questions. There are too many things to do and not enough time.…
I would like to ask for advice…. because my family also believes that daughters stay at home until marriage. Would postponing a career still be wise if you’re still single after your twenties, yet feel that God is not calling you to religious life? Also, what if you are the youngest or one of few siblings, how would you keep yourself busy at home without young brothers and sisters?
I think one question to ask is…Does your daughter WANT a career instead of marriage? When you say a career, do you mean the time and money put into a college degree in order to pursue a particular field? Or do you mean a job for “something to do” or to earn some income until she finds Mr. Right?
We encourage our girls to find many things to keep them busy….in a more organic atmosphere. Helping the parish, volunteering (or being paid) at our little school, working for their siblings with the nieces and nephews all fall into the category of “organic”. They have also had jobs in our town close by, and this is a good chance for them to learn responsibility and how to handle the world…mind you, we are picky where they work. Once they get of age, though, this is their decision, but hopefully they will listen to our advice.
I do believe it is important, if they have a job, that they still live at home. They need our support….and I don’t think it is a valuable thing to live on their own (or with a friend) unless needed….(and there may be times when it is.) Too much independence is not necessarily a good thing. The world and its maxims pull and pull….
So back to your question…no, I don’t think college and a career are an answer to filling in time. There are so many fulfilling things that can help a young lady grow…spiritually and mentally….that she does not have to seek her fulfillment in a “career”.
As far as keeping busy at home….your daughter can learn a craft….and sell her wares. This is always exciting (well, not all the time…but when it’s not, then it’s called “character-building”). But to make something beautiful is therapy…and to sell it is satisfying!
Every girl has skills and talents that can be tapped into in order to fulfill her own life and bring joy to others. This must be cultivated! And then pray that the flowering of her vocation comes to fruition!
Charity is huge for the fulfillment of a young lady still at home. If she makes herself busy at the service for others, her inner happiness will grow. In turn, she will “turn heads” and Mr. Right may be just around the corner!
A beautiful balance of prayer, outside activity (whatever it may be…going to a community function, babysitting or cleaning house for someone, etc.), home chores, self-improvement (books, online classes, learning home-skills), and a fulfilling craft can fill up each day. When offered to God in the morning, it will serve her tremendously better than seeking a career.
On a side note – Yes, we need good nurses and good teachers. If your daughter wishes to pursue these noble careers, she should also be ready to leave it aside to raise her own children, should she get married.
Here’s a post to peruse that I wrote a while back.
If You Want to Find the Right Person…..You Must BE the Right Person
You mentioned in your second point (in the post, Raising Girls) that if the kids ever said no or struck you they would be swiftly punished. Can you elaborate on that?
I am not against spanking used with discretion, balance and without anger. So…if my child said no to me or struck me they could see, first off, through my expression, that I was horrified…this was no little thing, it is not acceptable, I am your mom and you DO NOT step over the line!
Then I would spank their hand or their leg. Nothing terrible. If they began to cry and kept it up, they were sent to the office (right off the kitchen) to calm down. When they were done, they could come out. For the most part, this lasted 1 – 5 minutes. I was always checking on them….and never left them in there too long…though I found that generally wasn’t a problem.
Consistency is important. I know there are strong-willed children out there that are difficult. Keep it up….your own consistency will pay off.
Remember….this consistency is not all about spanking.
There are other areas to be consistent. Are you letting them get away with being controlling and pushy throughout each day? If you have a child that gets very angry when he doesn’t get his way, take away the object that is desired….or some other consequence. This won’t be perfect with so many littles but keep trying. (Believe me, my consistency wasn’t perfect!)
It is important, too, that you are surrounding them with joy and love in between times. Then they won’t want to break friendship with you and will want to get over the “bump” in order to have that mutual bond. This doesn’t mean you have to be continually saying encouraging things, doing stuff with them, etc.. No. Just a general atmosphere of love and joy. Not easy. Not perfect. But something to strive for.
Pray for guidance from the Holy Ghost…and strength from Our Lady who sees it all.
In your post of Raising Daughters you did not mention about boys. Any tips?
Boys need men. When my boys were able to help their dad on his construction work, they were encouraged to work with him, in between schooling. In my estimation, the work becomes more important. Sitting in a desk for long periods of time as the boys hit puberty is not necessarily bad but they had better be wearing off some of that testosterone with some good, sweaty, self-fulfilling work!
Mom oftentimes has to take second fiddle as the boys learn to work. In other words, we begin to encourage them to take flight (in controlled circumstances) and don’t get personally offended when the men are their idols. They still love us, but they are learning to be men. And we have to let go of that control that we used to have, to a certain extent. Not that they don’t have to listen to us and do their daily duties, but it may become harder for them to listen to Mom. Insist on it, but don’t think that isn’t normal.
Encourage them in their hobbies…even if it means a mess. Oh boy! How many times have my boys made a mess in the yard working on something! It was irritating…but oh! so valuable!
Don’t let them spend time in their rooms besides sleeping and getting dressed. Technology? Well….pretty much nil! Boys are better off without it…unless highly monitored. Right now, my Angelo is working on painting a picture on the counter….watching a Bob Ross Youtube. But he is right here where we can see everything. He looks for airsoft guns on Amazon….but right in front of us. Never let them have at it with technology!
The hardest thing for me with my boys was letting go. As a homeschooling mom I had much control. With the girls, they still stuck pretty close by and listened, for the most part. The boys were much more independent and it was hard. Our oldest son was pretty much on his own by 17 years old and was building a wall for the monks in Wyoming by 18. He met his future wife there and ….well, that was it! Ouch! but it is what we have raised them, for, right?
So, my point in this is, encourage healthy and wholesome independence….not without respect for Mom and Dad, but just knowing that, when done the right way, it is a very good thing!
I know there is much more….purity (which is huge for a boy), work ethic, etc. It would make a long post and I am hoping that you are tuned in to this website because I do have lots of posts on this type of stuff. Look in the different categories (especially parenting) or put it in the search bar.
And now for the gallery that I wanted to put before you so you can see some progress in the Lenten Activities (and other stuff)….
Thank you, Leane, for always sharing so much of your wisdom and wonderful family. I needed a bit of encouragement today and here is where I found it. God bless you all, especially Rosie and your son-in-law.
Great post, Mum! 🙂
Thank you! It would be so nice to see this Catholic girls helping in communities again. College is pushed so much…. But what about nurses? The sisters used to teach the young ladies to be nurses, but I don’t know a place like this anymore. 🙁 hope vince is better soon, fire is dangerous, uncontrolled.
Hi Leanne, I would like to email you if possible. Could benefit from your sound advice on an issue about my daughter. Thanks and God bless.
I love your post today and the photos are wonderful. It is tough to think about our girls – the oldest being in her teens – praying and finding Mr. Right because the world is filled with many Mr. Wrongs. And when they do not have a vocation to the religious life, well, it is harder to figure out what to do. Thank you for your excellent ideas! My husband is a physician and so he works with nurses. His mom is a retired Catholic school and public school teacher. We would never encourage our girls to be either nurses or teachers, unless they could find the very, very rare job of working those jobs in a truly Catholic environment. My husband works at a “Catholic” hospital where extremely liberal nuns have a say in what goes on. The nurses would not at all be good influences from their social views to their lack of morality. The teachers are no better where we live in Iowa. Of course, being homeschoolers, we do not have much interest in “schooling” for many reasons, but the impact of bad influences cannot be emphasized enough. My mother-in-law has many liberal ideas – even at her age! – from remaining good friends with teachers in the school district. It is tough to break those friendships once they are formed in those work environments. Be careful! Pray, pray, and pray some more!
Thank you very much for your input, Staci!
Thank you too Staci, I have wondered about that. Years ago my aunt was a candy striper who volunteered at the hospital. This doesn’t really exist anymore. A lot of good work that the youth used to do has been taken over by a paid job of adults. Most unfortunate.
BenAnna Mac said:
There’s a book I just read that I think would be very encouraging for any suffering souls called, “Littlest suffering souls,” put out by Tan. It has a couple modern ideas in it but mostly it’s just wonderful. I cried through the whole book (but I’m pregnant so that’s not extraordinary).
Right when I was reading about your son Angelo painting on the counter watching Bob Ross videos, that is exactly what my daughter (age 25) is doing right this minute!! What a funny coincidence!
Our son “left home” emotionally at 17 and became a volunteer firefighter. Total onslaught of worldly influences there … won’t go into detail. He moved out at 21. He met a Protestant girl at 22 and married at 23. They now have a baby son and he has a career in law enforcement. They live 4 hours from here in a highly populated city.
Our daughter has never been on a date, and has lived at home her whole life. She took college course at the community college and worked p/t at the school. Then she transferred to a Protestant college an hour away. She met other girls who had been raised in a strict environment and are pursuing degrees in nursing and biology – who don’t date. They were on the same page about school work and what they did in their off time – and that didn’t include any boys.
There were only 2 Catholic boys in our local Novus Ordo parish. They were both younger. Went to the local school, played sports. One went off to college and then married a fellow parishioner who had gone to school with him throughout his childhood. The other boy didn’t go to college, but wasn’t serious about the Faith and was a completely wrong person for daughter.
So that’s it. She moved back home after college and went to work at the community college. She’s received a full time job with benefits in a great office environment. Her boss is a Catholic and we see her at Church often – although she usually attends her parish church about 10 miles from here.
We don’t have the Traditional Latin Mass. There are no young men here our daughter’s age. And she is accepting of the possibility she may never marry. She doesn’t want to leave home and live by herself someone far from here – or as bad, with some questionable roommates. She does not believe that she has a vocation for the religious life.
But she has her faith, her interests, hobbies and friends. So she might be living with us forever. I don’t know God’s will in the long term – but seems His will for now.
I’m sorry. I wrote too much and then left out pertinent details. But just wanted to add that we raised our kids Catholic and home-schooled. The problem though was living in a small rural town with only the Novus Ordo. No other Catholics home-schooled. My H would not consider moving to a more populated city closer to a traditional parish. I am a later in life convert and by the time of forming my convictions it was too late to make any other choices about where we lived … i.e., I wasn’t able to change our circumstances. The nearest city of any size is an hour a way. But no traditional parish within 300 miles of here.
Thank you for your blog. Your family is lovely and very inspiring.
Thank you for your input, it is much appreciated.
One size does not fit all…we each have our own journey. And God opens doors for us wherever we are at! All of us have to figure out what to do in our individual situations.
In spite of your hurdles, it sounds like you are doing a fine job at putting the effort in and God meets us more than halfway!
It seems like your daughter is exceptional. To hold fast to her faith in her circumstances shows you have done a good job!
May God bless us all as we try to figure out answers to the hard questions of parenting ! ❤️
Thank You for sharing your family photos. You have a beautiful family. Rosie is alwys in my prayers. Will keep Vinnie in my prayers.
Wishing you and yours a BLESSED HOLY WEEK and A HAPPY EASTER.
And same to you, Marion! Thank you! ❤️
You have a beautiful family Love the photos. Have a BLESSED HOLY WEEK and a HAPPY,JOYOUS EASTER
Same to you, Joan!💕
Fr Angelo said:
Great questions and responses.I am sorry for Vincent’s burns but he looks very loved and taken care of.We must suffer before entering into Glory.
What a beautiful family. Rosie is so talented and I will keep her in my prayers as well as Vinnie. God Bless you and your family. Have a Blessed Holy Week and a Joyous, Happy Easter.
Same to you, Marilyn! ♥️
Mrs T said:
Thank you for the purity reminder. I have 6 young boys and it’s so easy to view them as “always little”, forgetting they will be faced…no, BOMBARDED, with impurity in their daily lives.
We pray the rosary as a family every evening. I hope this devotion to Our Lady will help keep my boys on the right path as they get older…
Lovely post this morning! Just the exact encouragement I needed to tackle this day. Thank you so very much.
God’s richest Blessings I pray for you and your family.
Thank you Elly!