Mary Reed Newland gives us her take on what is definitely a controversial subject in this day and age….
Norman Rockwell – “Child Psychology or Spanking?”
from Mary Reed Newland, How to Raise Good Catholic Children
Resort to spanking only when necessary
In these days of debating over whether to spank or not to spank, it’s an intrepid soul who comes right out and says, “Spank.” That’s me.
I’ve heard all the arguments pro and con, and I still believe there are some misdemeanors that are never so well disposed of as with a good spank.
No doubt the term corporal punishment was invented by people who disapprove of it, for it sounds worse than it usually is. It sounds like beating, which is far different from spanking, and it bullies people into thinking they ought not “believe in it” even when they do.
The most violent opposition I’ve ever encountered on the score of spanking has come from people who eventually admit that they have no children.
I suppose there are some parents who have never spanked, but I’ve met but one — and what her child needed most of all was a good spanking. A child in a temper tantrum will find that his pointless fury is shattered by a spank when nothing else will touch it, and a good cry about the spanking will gradually relax him, and his anger will drain off.
Spanking is dangerous when your own temper is so out of control that you don’t trust yourself, and in that case, I personally have to resort to the “sit on a chair” technique and go off to the other end of the house to groan and pray.
We have found that spankings are more quickly forgotten than any other kind of punishment. They suffice at the moment (assuming they’re administered with some control) as a punishment for the crime of the moment, and a child forgets them.
A child who does something he knows is extremely naughty, after having been taught, warned, and reasoned with, actually expects to be punished for it, or his parents lose stature in his eyes.
It isn’t uncommon to discover that the insecurity of children whose parents’ indifference was their only reaction to their bad behavior lies in their desire to have some limits set beyond which they’re not permitted to go.
Continued coolness between me and a punished child has come more often after some calculated deprivation than after a spanking which, once over, is over.
If we try hard not to spank unless it is really due, and never to spank in public (or chastise in any way, if possible, because humiliation leaves more scars on children than anything else), almost every time, when the tears are dry and the sting gone from the blushing bottom, they’ll come and put their arms around you and say, “I’m sorry.”
Then it’s easy to have a cozy chat and explain that mothers and fathers really don’t like to spank, and only have to when boys insist on being naughty even though they know enough not to.
Maybe it doesn’t prove anything, but I know I was spanked in my childhood, yet I can’t remember a single instance of it.
I can remember other punishments, being sent to my room, not being allowed to go with the others, being kept in the yard, but never one spanking comes back to haunt me.
There will be lives only if there are mothers, mothers who respond to their essential and divine vocation. “Give me, O my God, the grace through respect for You and for Your work, always to have a devotion to and a respect for life.. Grant me also the grace to be in Your Hands a not too unworthy instrument of Your creative power. Let me be ‘up-to-date’ whenever it is a question of enrolling a new name in the Book of Life.” – Christ in the Home, Fr. Raoul Plus, S.J., 1950’s
Coloring pages for your children….
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I was pretty lucky I only had to spank our son one time. But I never called it spanked always called it a swat with my hand
A priest once said that when a child can’t reason yet, he or she can understand a spank the best, a controlled one of course, on the side of the parent. 😉 when kids are acting like wild animals, a spank is the type of “reasoning “ that will be most effective… We have found that in our house too. 🙂 thank you for the reading. 🙂
The main caveat I would add is for Adopted children (even from infancy as they suffer the trauma of losing their biological parents whom God knit together even from Conception) and especially if they suffered physical trauma in anyway as this can cause emotional harm even if not readily seen the child suffers greatly something they can’t always articulate (there is research that backs this up – I encourage those who have adopted to search TBRI and karyn purvis as she has some YouTube videos etc tbat explain this some degree).
I would like to add that I have found that yelling (yelling not just raising my voice) is the most harmful and long lasting thing I do even over and above spanking. I’d love any advice you have on how to combat that spiritually (it was what my mom did and my sister does as well and I can see it’s a spiritual battle as well as learned)
Interesting read!
Getting spanked means having a warm, stinging, blushing bottom from being held accountable for whatever you did that was naughty. Not every child is fortunate enough to get the spankings they deserve. Instead of getting my bottom spanked, I was denied my mother’s affection as punishment.
I completely share Mary Reed Newland’s belief in sound spankings for misbehaving children. Mother Nature surely meant for children to learn from having their bottoms warmed as the unhappy consequence of some wrongdoing. Growing up, I had to make do without a spanking’s lesson.
My loving relationship with my mother was made awkward in my teenage years by the spankings she couldn’t bring herself to give me. Many years later, she said she would in fact spank my bottom if she had it to do over again.