Respecting Him


We are in regular need of these reminders….especially since the world (and sometimes our pride and human nature) want to tell us the opposite.

Remember that respect is not all about the words that we use. It is our actions, our tone of voice, our looks. And all of these spring from what is going on in the heart.

Pray for the grace to be a humble and good wife.

Painting by Frederick Sands Brunner

by Lisa Jacobson, Marriage Wisdom for Her

A wise woman makes healthy deposits of respect into her husband’s soul account. I’m sure St. Paul thought he made it simple enough in Ephesians 5:33: “Let the wife see that she respects her husband.”

Except that this respect thing isn’t quite as clear as I’d like it to be. Not like love. I know what it looks like to love. That’s an easy one.

Love is when he spends time with me. Listens to me. Cares about me. Looks after me. Takes a keen interest in my thoughts and ideas. No, love is any easy one to figure out.

But respect? That’s an entirely different matter. Apparently, it’s an important matter, though. So important that you’ll find respect toward the top of his list.

Yes, respect is highly-rated among the men. I’ve even heard it said they would rather be unloved than disrespected – is that wild or what?

Now the fact is that I do respect my husband. I honestly do. I guess it’s the showing of it that gets to be something of a challenge. Because you’ve heard how we each have our own unique “love language”? Well, I suspect there must be some kind of “respect language” too. You know, “what says respect to him” or something along those lines.

So one day I just up and asked him. Straight out. “What makes you feel respected? By me?”

And I waited for his answer. And waited. After a while, he mentioned a thing or two. Things like how I’ll talk positively about him in public. Or how I’ll ask him to do something, rather than order him around about what needs to be done to the house. Then he added that he likes how I’ll stop what I’m doing to greet him when he comes in the door.

These were meaningful things to him. But for the most part? I was on my own. I made it a point to study what made him smile, as well as what made him flinch. It was up to me to figure out what made him feel respected.

So why not ask your own husband what makes him feel respected? Take to heart whatever he shares with you and then add to that list from what you’re able to learn by watching him.

Pray about it and ask God to show you the ways you can lovingly respect your husband. You might be surprised to see what a difference it makes in your marriage.

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This is a guide designed for girls who would like to please Our Lord more and make reparation for those who do not honor Him. Written and complied by two Catholic mothers and the aid of Catholic priests, it includes many beautiful pictures, teachings of Holy Mother Church, and quotes from saints and popes as well as examples from their lives. All these are lovingly included in this book so that it will hopefully help aid you on your journey towards greater sanctity.