A pep talk….
I talk to a lot of women and we all have something in common when it comes to our marriages…there are times when we struggle.
Marriage is difficult. The daily irritations that rub, like sandpaper, can cause wounds that make it hard to love and respect the one whom you are called to do just that…..love and respect.
Oh sure, we’ve picked up the books. We’ve made a few changes here and there. Things seemed to get better, then something hits the fan, and we are right back where we started. Round and round it goes. We’re tired of it! We want to just throw up our hands and say, “I give up! I am going to just shut down, live my life and he can live his!”
This is a temptation. Do you remember what St. Paul says? “I have run the race, I have fought the good fight.” I don’t think he meant to say “I have fought the good fight until I just couldn’t take it anymore” or “I have run the race…. until I got tired…nobody was paying attention and it didn’t seem to make a difference!”
Nope, we must never give up. I know that the struggles women have are very real. How do I know? Because I am a wife. I was raised in the city, my hubby is a country guy, I am a melancholic/sanguine, hubby is a choleric. On yes, and I forgot, he is a man, I am a woman. HUGE DIFFERENCES! It is not easy….. Our Lord never said it would be. 😛
You say you do your part, he doesn’t do his. You make the changes, he just stays grumpy and ill-tempered. You are the only one working on this relationship and he doesn’t care…..he’s not making any changes himself! You say, “I give up!”
I listened to a podcast recently. It was from the “Respect and Love” site.
Mr. Eggerich said in it that “you must be married to one pretty bad dude if he does not respond to you being more respectful and loving to him”.
It is true, there are a small percentage of men who are narcissistic and on the other hand, there are women who are divas. This situation can be very difficult because they just don’t see outside themselves.
BUT, if you are married to a regular guy, with regular faults, it is hard for me to believe that he will not respond to your efforts, if you are truly trying to change. And when I say respond to your efforts, I mean that he usually ends up doing some changing himself!
Remember, we can’t change him, we must accept and respect him. We must recall the things we loved about him when we first knew him. Sit down and write those things out. Make the effort, even if it doesn’t seem like it will help. God is not outdone in generosity! He will meet you more than halfway!
We should never give up seeking for ways to make our relationship better. It is what we are called to do.
So do not give up the good fight….run the race until the finish line! Be humble, search for answers.
Read the right books, talk to the right people. Do not talk to those who are giving you bad advice (and there are lots of those out there). They do much damage as they fan the fires of self-pity within ourselves. That is straight from the devil.
Yes, I know the struggles are real. The solutions are, too, if we keep looking and striving. It may not be overnight, but, in time, you will see that your perseverance has paid off!
In your living room and bedrooms, you should have at least one symbol of your faith–a statue of the Savior and the Blessed Mother, a crucifix, pictures which bring to mind events in the life of Our Lord. -Rev. George Kelly, 1950’s https://amzn.to/2BjwE9x (afflink)
Excellent sermon on the Eucharist!
This is a unique book I have written of Catholic devotions for young children. There is nothing routine and formal about these stories. They are interesting, full of warmth and dipped right out of life. These anecdotes will help children know about God, as each one unfolds a truth about the saints, the Church, the virtues, etc. Available here.
In With God in Russia, Ciszek reflects on his daily life as a prisoner, the labor he endured while working in the mines and on construction gangs, his unwavering faith in God, and his firm devotion to his vows and vocation. Enduring brutal conditions, Ciszek risked his life to offer spiritual guidance to fellow prisoners who could easily have exposed him for their own gains. He chronicles these experiences with grace, humility, and candor, from his secret work leading mass and hearing confessions within the prison grounds, to his participation in a major gulag uprising, to his own “resurrection”—his eventual release in a prisoner exchange in October 1963 which astonished all who had feared he was dead.
Powerful and inspirational, With God in Russia captures the heroic patience, endurance, and religious conviction of a man whose life embodied the Christian ideals that sustained him…..
Captured by a Russian army during World War II and convicted of being a “Vatican spy,” Jesuit Father Walter J. Ciszek spent 23 agonizing years in Soviet prisons and the labor camps of Siberia. Only through an utter reliance on God’s will did he manage to endure the extreme hardship. He tells of the courage he found in prayer–a courage that eased the loneliness, the pain, the frustration, the anguish, the fears, the despair. For, as Ciszek relates, the solace of spiritual contemplation gave him an inner serenity upon which he was able to draw amidst the “arrogance of evil” that surrounded him. Ciszek learns to accept the inhuman work in the infamous Siberian salt mines as a labor pleasing to God. And through that experience, he was able to turn the adverse forces of circumstance into a source of positive value and a means of drawing closer to the compassionate and never-forsaking Divine Spirit.
He Leadeth Me is a book to inspire all Christians to greater faith and trust in God–even in their darkest hour. As the author asks, “What can ultimately trouble the soul that accepts every moment of every day as a gift from the hands of God and strives always to do his will?”
Thanks for this post today, Leane. It’s always good to be reminded that we are in it for the long haul and that we have the Lord who went before us to encourage and inspire us. Jesus showed us by His life how to handle every situation we find ourselves in and every person we come into contact with, whether it be short or long term. Sometimes I find it difficult because my husband is not Catholic (yet) and it seems everything I do and all the prayers are for nothing. But I still strive, with God’s help, to keep running the race and fighting the good fight. And God in His goodness has rewarded me, and my husband, with small, every day miracles. It’s worth it, for sure.
Beautiful, thank you Regina! ♥️
A gooood reminder! I like how you said a small percentage are self lovers or narcisstic. I have noticed this word is very detrimental these days. On one hand some traits of a self indulgent person are good to know and be aware of. But the entire freudian use of narcissism is dangerous to the sinner and to the family, because it puts all persons in boxes with no eternal soul and the only end is divorce and suicide. We really really need to look at this problem in light of the capital sins and then how to deal with them for the eternal soul of all involved. The primary sin is pride and they are saintly books on how to deal with that…. Sometimes it is seperation, but the end goal should be a catholic one, of eventually reuniting the family.
Very good, thank you Mary Ann!
Thank you! We have the same temperament! Except I’m married to a phlegmatic melancholic which is interesting combination! Just the words I needed today. God bless!!
Along the same genre as the book suggestion about Fr. Ciszek is “Nijole Sadunaite” (especially for us ladies).
Oh how many times have been in the “I Give up ” phase. My husband and I both have chronic health issue’s. We’ve been married 22 years and in that 22 years there’s been a lot of sickness and surgeries and the responsibility all seems to fall on me all the time even when I don’t feel well. And ‘the talks” always went no where but I started something new last year. Every morning before I am even out of bed the first thing I do is pray and one of those prayers is that my husband and I are kind, patient and loving to each other for the day and you know what? It works. God hears. I also learned to accept my husband as he is as frustrating as that may get sometimes, I love him and if I love him I must accept him and learn to be okay with it..
you’re right, marriage is work.. No one ever said it would be easy but when we are young we think we will be living a camelot life and when that doesn’t happen, sadly, that’s when many people call it quits…
What a great testimony to persevering, steadfast love. Thank you very much.
I loved reading this! Even if I’m not married, these are good things to ponder for later. Thank you 🙂