“I Just Can’t be Cheerful in the Morning.” ~ Alice von Hildebrand

From By Love Refined, Alice Von Hildebrand

“I just can’t be cheerful in the morning.”

Dear Julie,

The French author Balzac writes, “It’s easier to be a lover than a husband, because it’s easier to say witty things occasionally than to be witty every day.”

Balzac is highlighting the fact that an illicit relationship is limited to a short time, when you put on your most attractive face. But marriage is marriage, early in the morning and late at night.

This is one of the difficulties all spouses encounter in marriage: they’re together when they’re not at their best.

As you’ve discovered, sleeping together is a great and beautiful intimacy; but it also means you wake up together, which for most of us isn’t the best moment of the day.

We’re disheveled, groggy with sleep, not interested in talking, and usually rushing around to get ready for the day’s work.

Unless this potentially disillusioning aspect of the intimacy of marriage is counter-balanced by a deepening of your love and spiritual life – and a great measure of patience – it’s bound to cause difficulties that don’t crop up in a casual relationship.

There are ways to deal with these problems. If you’re not cheery in the morning, then talk with Michael about it – but do it later, when you’re brighter and more clearheaded.

Let him know you’re sorry and are trying to change, but aren’t having much success. Assure him that in the early morning he just isn’t encountering your true self and ask him to avoid discussions at these times, because they’re bound to end badly. (Hasn’t Michael asked you to do the same for him when he comes home from work tired and grumpy?)

Yes, Balzac is right: it is easier to be a lover than a spouse, because it’s easier to be at your best occasionally than to be at your best all the time.

But our concern isn’t with what is easier; our concern is with what is more beautiful: a relationship based on the feelings of the moment or a deep enduring love, sealed by marriage, in which the spouses love each other in good times and bad, in sickness and in health, until they’re parted by death.

Marriage is the beautiful mystery of faithful love – a theme so profound and so fascinating that it unleashes in me a torrent of thoughts which I long to share with you.

Your marriage will be blessed because you and Michael see many of the dangers and you’re working to avoid them with your love.

Please give my fondest greetings to Michael,

Lily

We are called to be great Apostles of Love in our ordinary, daily life. We are Christ’s Hands and Feet as we wipe noses, feed hungry little ones and change diapers with an attitude of service and love. When we are cheerful to those we rub shoulders with each day, when we kindly open our door to those who enter into our home, we are taking part in Christ’s Apostolic Work. “Jesus was an Apostle in the stable of Bethlehem, in the shop of St. Joseph, in His anguish in Gethsemane and on Calvary no less than when He was going through Palestine, teaching the multitudes or disputing with the doctors of the law.” – Divine Intimacy, Painting by Morgan Weistling http://amzn.to/2p0dxg8 (afflink)

Book suggestions…

Few realize that a person can pursue a truly supernatural vocation by consecrating himself or herself to perpetual celibacy while yet living in the world. Here Fr. Unger describes the main guidelines for such a religious vocation, showing the nature of this vocation and the manner of dedicating oneself to it. The author gives the history in the Church of consecrated celibate living, plus some basic helps in safeguarding purity in such a life. Based on the Pope Pius XII encyclical On Holy Virginity, this book shows that the consecrated life in the world is just one more example of the rich Tradition of the Church in providing for the needs of all her children. The Mystery of Love for the Single will bring much-needed encouragement and enlightenment to those generous souls who wish to pursue a supernatural vocation and yet remain single and celibate while living in the world.

In this ground-breaking book, Colleen Hammond challenges today’s fashions and provides you the information you need to protect yourself and your loved ones from the onslaught of tasteless, immodest clothing. Colleen Hammond shares real-life examples of how women can accentuate the grace and beauty of their femininity, and she shows that modest definitely does not mean frumpy !! DRESSING WITH DIGNITY covers it all . . . The history and forces behind the changes in fashion. How to talk to teenagers about the privilege of femininity so they will want to dress with dignity. How to awaken chivalry in men and be treated with respect. How to regain and teach the lost charm of interior and exterior femininity! How to dress in an attractive, dignified, classy manner! Specific documents about manners of dress from the Magisterium, the Popes and the Saints. Comprehensive guidelines for choosing tasteful attire. Resources on where to find beautiful, modest clothing. And much, much more!

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