Tea~Time With Finer Femininity ~ Isolation, Books for Dating, Whistling, Etc.


I am putting up another “Tea~Time” post because I found some questions that I have neglected (because I didn’t see them) on my Finer Femininity FB page. I am not always quick on answering any questions but these ones I did not even see. Please forgive my tardiness.

I get questions from you now and again and I think the answers could be beneficial to others and so I have posted them here….I have changed some words to protect anonymity.

Disclaimer: If in doubt with anything I say, please check with your spiritual director. He knows you and your situation and has the grace of state to advise you.

Question: Do you have any book recommendations with guidelines for the parents for children who are beginning to date?

Answer: Yes I do.

One of the best books I recommend is this one by Father Lovasik. It is called Clean Love in Courtship

Another one is  The Catholic Youth’s Guide to Life and Love by Father Kelly.

Both of these are written in the 1950’s. Outdated? Well, are temptation and sin outdated? 🙂

You can also read this post here called Chaperones Again?

Dating Non-Catholics is a good post. (There is a part two to this post).

This post is called Choosing a Partner (There is a part two to this post).

And this post How to Choose a Marriage Partner.

This is another book called Youth’s Pathfinder. It is old, too. Early 1900’s. I have loaned mine to Tan Books in order to have it reprinted. Right now, the price is daunting. It is not only about courtship but about vocations to the religious life and virtues in general for the youth. A lovely book, indeed!

Here are two newer ones. I don’t know much about them so you would have to do your own research. But I have heard the names of them tossed around in Catholic circles:

 The ABC’s of Choosing a Good Husband-Stephen Wood

The ABC’s of Choosing a Good Wife: How to find & marry a great girl-Stephen Wood

These are good to share with the kids, too:

Question: I have many children and am expecting another. I feel isolated and wish there were more like-minded people around us. I would love to get together with other families once in a while so my kids could experience some good and wholesome friendships. I also don’t have anyone around to help me out once in a while. Life is hectic.

I would like to move somewhere where there is a thriving parish and community life. My husband won’t hear of it because of his job and I resent that at times…I feel like he is putting his career above the family. Any suggestions or input?

Answer: In this day and age, when serious Catholics are in the minority, it is not hard to feel isolated. The Internet becomes a good resource but can’t replace a living community.

I would say…and I have seen many do it, including my husband and I… pick up and move. A geographical move is hard but if the intentions are good, God will bless that.

BUT, You said your husband doesn’t want to move…

Continue to respect your husband, nip the resentful thoughts in the bud. Replace them with prayers of thanksgiving to Our Lord for taking care of this situation and then, as you pray about it, leave it in Our Lord’s Hands. Nothing wrong with mentioning it to your husband again, talking to him about it, etc. Even if he gets a bit testy about it. 🙂 Don’t be too pushy, though. Leave that up to Our Lord.

AND, I would say a St. Joseph’s Novena (below) and a 54-Day Rosary Novena. Powerful prayers!

St. Joseph Prayer/Novena (I say this prayer daily):

Oh St. Joseph whose protection is so great, so strong, so prompt before the Throne of God, I place in you all my interests and desires.

Oh St. Joseph do assist me by your powerful intercession and obtain for me from your Divine Son all spiritual blessings through Jesus Christ, Our Lord; so that having engaged here below your Heavenly power I may offer my Thanksgiving and Homage to the most Loving of Fathers.

Oh St. Joseph, I never weary contemplating you and Jesus asleep in your arms. I dare not approach while He reposes near your heart.

Press Him in my name and kiss His fine Head for me, and ask Him to return the kiss when I draw my dying breath.

St. Joseph, Patron of departing souls, pray for us. Amen.

On another note…Maybe it won’t take a geographical move. Maybe God will bring another family into your life. OR, and as I saw with one young couple, the “community” ended up coming to them in quite a miraculous way. They lived in the boonies and some nuns moved close by, along with a good Traditional Priest. This circumstance has been drawing more people and the community has been slowly growing. So…we never know how God will answer our prayers. But He will!

As far as having no help, I do understand this. I was lonely when we moved to Kansas. My family was in Canada. So, even though I lived by a community, help was not easily come by. It was pretty much up to me. And we lived in a tiny house with many children, homeschooling, etc.! Whew! When I think of it now I am astounded at the graces received at the time! (Not that it was easy.)

I have told my children to be very grateful for what they have….lots of family around to help out. It’s an incredible blessing! But it’s not one that everyone has.

We have a Heavenly Family that looks out for us, though, and helps us along the way to find our answers. We must turn to them for those answers. The sufferings we endure along the way only serve to make us stronger, more compassionate towards others and are powerful prayers we can offer up each day (in our Morning Offering) to assist ourselves and those we love!

Question: Hello, I am young and newly married. I am a little bit lost about marriage and motherhood. Can you help me?

Answer: Yes, I can. Make Books your Best Friends. Here is My Book List. It is how I learned many of the things I used as a mother and wife. Because, I, too, was a bit lost. My family, as I was growing up, was in survival mode, living in a big city, with no women with traditional values and homespun skills around me. So…I learned it all from books.

Go to My Book List. But don’t stop there. If you want to have healthy children, seek out balanced health books. If you want to homeschool, read about it. If you want to nurse your babies, find a good book on it, etc., etc. Be an avid and hungry learner. It will so pay off!

And stick around here. I share a lot of the stuff that helped to form me as a single woman and then as a wife and mother.

It takes work, but the rewards are immense!

Question: I have grown up loving to whistle. I think I learned, from your blog, that one of the good traditional priests insisted that it is immodest for women to whistle. Your thoughts?

Answer: Hmmm….I don’t recall putting up anything like this.

If this has been said, I tend not to agree, but that is my opinion. Whistling is a happy sound. We all need cheeriness in our lives, don’t you think? To whistle is, to me, like humming. And, unless it is annoying someone else, it is a good and wholesome thing. You can come and whistle in my home any time! We like happy sounds!

If whistling helps to lighten your heart, this is good.

I know I have made this simplistic and not very theological. Sometimes simplicity on these matters is best. To analyze too much can be very burdensome and cause one to slip into scrupulosity…which is a spiritual sickness that is hard to deal with.

But when in doubt, ask a good, balanced priest. And, like anything that is given up for a good intention, if you give up whistling, God will bless you for it.

Question: I’m looking for a book that explains a Catholic father’s duties. My husband is open to guidance in raising our children in a less worldly way than he was raised. Any suggestions?

Answer: Although I have not read all of these, I am going to put them down for you and you can do the research before you buy. If anyone else has good tried and true books, please leave a comment on this post.

The Catholic Family Handbook, Rev. George Kelly ( I had a dad profusely thank me for introducing him to this book…so I think it is very helpful for fathers.)

The Catholic Family Handbook by Fr. Lawrence G. Lovasik (Excellent book)

Terror of Demons (This is a newer book and looks good.)

True Men as We Need Them: A Book of Instruction for Men of the World, Fr. Bernard O’Reilly, 1894  

Some Notes for the Guidance of Parents – Fr. Daniel A. Lord

Father of the Family: A Christian Perspective – Clayton Barbeau (This one I would recommend!)

Christ in the Home,Fr. Raoul Plus, S.J. (Excellent book)

Fatherhood and Family, A compilation from Integrity Magazine, 1950’s

“You can make your greatest contribution to your family as the heart of your home. From you, your children should learn to love others and to give of themselves unstintingly in the spirit of sacrifice. Never underestimate the importance of your role. For upon you depends the emotional growth of your children, and such growth will better prepare them to live happy and holy lives than any amount of intellectual training they may receive.” Fr. George A. Kelly, The Catholic Family Handbook http://amzn.to/2nqUivn (afflink)

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