Being Selfish is NOT Okay


Femme Elegante II by Andrea Laliberte

From:  The Good Wife’s Guide: Embracing Your Role as a Helpmeet by Darlene Schacht

While switching channels one day, I happened upon an interview. Since they were talking about family, it caught my attention so I paused to listen.

“Family… children…” I heard those words. Could she have the same passion and convictions as I? I turned up the volume anxious to hear more.

Unfortunately what I heard didn’t resemble Christian living by any stretch of the imagination. In fact it was so absurd that I turned the television off and considered cutting cable altogether.

My stomach was in knots over the attitude of acceptance that prevailed in this interview and the fact that they let this guest have air time.

After working overseas for a few months, this woman simply decided that she didn’t want to be a mother any longer. She walked away from her two children (ages 3 and 5) and her husband of 20 years to build a career.

While away, she missed her kids, but she “didn’t miss when they were throwing up seven times during the middle of the night, and getting a call asking, ‘Can you wash pillows?’”

What has this world come to when children are discarded like items on a yard sale table? When we say, “I don’t want to handle the responsibility that comes with being a parent, so I’ll step away—while someone else carries my load.”

It’s one thing to buy a pair of boots and change your mind a month or two down the road; it’s an entirely different thing to walk away from responsibility because life isn’t what we hoped it would be.

“Everybody has their own choices,” she said, “but my choice works for us and I think it’s not so selfish for women to say “Okay, I would like to have my own priority, I would like to have something in my life. I would like to be able to do my job.’”

“Not so selfish?” Is she serious?

That statement is the very definition of the word selfish: Devoted to or caring only for oneself; concerned primarily with one’s own interest, benefits, welfare, etc., regardless of others. (Dictionary.com)

As wives and mothers we can and should have our own interests, but when our primary concern is our “self” to the point that we become our first priority, we have given in to a selfish nature that isn’t lined up with scripture.

Unselfish Love

Everyone has the right to make their own choices—we do, but when those choices affect the welfare of children, we as a society should be moral enough to stand up against these ideas and teach women that being selfish is not “okay.”

Titus 2 exhorts women to love their children and to be keepers of the home. That doesn’t mean that we can’t have our own interests or earn extra money, but it does mean that we are to prioritize family because that’s what love does.

Love is not self-seeking. When you truly love someone you get up in the middle of the night to wash pillows, regardless of how much those sheets stink, or how tired you are.

The Problem – Or Is It?

In 1963, Betty Friedan published a book called The Feminine Mystique. For only .75 cents a copy, women would find the answers to “the problem that has no name.” This book was the catalyst for the second–and what appears to be the most damaging–wave of women’s liberation.

“The problem is always being the children’s mommy, or the minister’s wife and never being myself.”- Feminine Mystique, Chapter 1

Apparently there was a “problem” that was plaguing housewives of the day, and according to the author, this problem could be fixed. If women turned inward and began to focus on their needs, their careers, and their happiness, they would find the happiness and sexual fulfillment they had been missing out on all along.

Since the author wasn’t able to give “the problem” a name–let me. It’s called, “sacrificial love,” and according to the Bible, it’s the only love worth giving.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.

Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.Was there really a “problem” or were a few women creating an issue that didn’t exist?

I pray that women today will step up and realize the fallacy that this teaching offers. Seeking fulfillment by putting our own needs ahead of others brings temporal highs that fade quickly.

If you’re seeking true joy with long-lasting results, it can only be found by building virtue upon faith. That’s where you’ll find fulfillment, and that’s where you’ll find your true purpose in life.

Turning Back the Clock

I’m not always politically correct. But as you might have noticed, that doesn’t stop me from sharing what I see as truth.

I’ve been accused of single-handedly turning back the clock on women’s rights, and I can see where that accusation is coming from. Joyfully serving your family? Submitting to your husband? Letting him be the head of your household?

These ideas are fading into the past as modern women would prefer to wear the proverbial pants in the family–or at least a matching pair.

I’d like to address the question on everyone’s lips, “Why should husbands get the final say?” I’ll start by saying this; letting him have the final say doesn’t mean that you can’t have a discussion and share your ideas.

A good marriage should have channels of communication by which husbands and wives both offer ideas and determine solutions. There should be mutual respect where both parties give and take of each other’s thoughts. And there needs to be an attitude of acceptance where both a man and his wife can offer their voice.

But at the end of the day, he gets the executive vote. But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God. ~ 1 Corinthians 11:3.

More importantly than the obvious fact that men and women are different, the reason we submit to our husbands is because we are commanded in scripture to do so.

God’s wisdom doesn’t always sit right with mankind, and it doesn’t have to.
Faith tells me that His wisdom exceeds mine and therefore I put my trust in His infallible Word. Yes, that’s politically incorrect, and to some it may be viewed as turning back the clock on women’s rights. I get that.

But really, what are the rights of a woman? Better said, what are the rights of mankind? Certainly we’re given our constitutional rights, but who gives us those rights? The way I look at scripture, we’re given one right and only one–the ability to choose. Anything and everything else we are given is grace.

If that’s turning back the clock on women’s rights, then I say turn it back and keep turning it back until men and women accept scripture as truth that is both applicable and beneficial to families today.

And if it seem evil unto you to serve the LORD, choose you this day whom ye will serve… but as for me and my house, we will serve the LORD.

“Think of the Queen of Heaven and Lady of the World as humble housewife at the same time that she is mother and caretaker of God’s Son. It makes me sigh of tenderness, fills me with goodwill and love for the small and great chores of the home. How fragrant would be the robes that this pure lily washed. How tasty would be the food her delicate hands prepared. From her holy lips, not a whisper, no complaint or claim, only praise and sweet words. A life of worship and continuous obedience, in the freedom of those who choose to love – were she to kneel in prayer or clean the floor.” -Veronica Mendes, A Mulher Forte

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This booklet contains practical advice on the subjects of dating and choosing a spouse from the Catholic theological viewpoint. Father Lovasik points out clearly what one’s moral obligations are in this area, providing an invaluable aid to youthful readers. Additionally, he demonstrates that Catholic marriage is different from secular marriage and why it is important to choose a partner who is of the Catholic Faith if one would insure his or her personal happiness in marriage. With the rampant dangers to impurity today, with the lax moral standards of a large segment of our society, with divorce at epidemic levels, Clean Love in Courtship will be a welcome source of light and guidance to Catholics serious about their faith.

A Frank, Yet Reverent Instruction on the Intimate Matters of Personal Life for Young Men. To our dear and noble Catholic youths who have preserved, or want to recover, their purity of heart, and are minded to retain it throughout life. For various reasons many good fathers of themselves are not able to give their sons this enlightenment on the mysteries of life properly and sufficiently. They may find this book helpful in the discharge of their parental responsibilities in so delicate a matter.

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