Masculine and Feminine Roles

23 Wednesday Sep 2020

Posted by Leanevdp in Fascinating Womanhood, Femininity vs Feminist

Fascinating Womanhood, Helen Andelin, 1950’s

Man’s Role: Guide, Protector, Provider,

Woman’s Role: Wife, Mother, Homemaker

The masculine and feminine roles, clearly defined above, are not merely a result of custom or tradition, but are of divine origin. It was God who placed the man at the head of the family when he told Eve, “Thy desire shall be unto thy husband, and he shall rule over thee.”

The man was also designed to be the protector, since he was given stronger muscles, greater physical endurance, and manly courage. In addition, God commanded him to earn the living when he said, “In the sweat of thy face shall thou eat bread, till thou return to the ground.” This instruction was given to the man, not to the woman. (Gen. 3: 16, 19)

The woman was given a different assignment, that of helpmeet, mother, homemaker.

In Fascinating Womanhood we apply the word helpmeet to mean the role of the wife as she offers understanding, encouragement, support, and sometimes help.

Since she is biologically created to bear children, her role as a mother is unquestioned.

Her homemaking role is assumed: She must nurture her young and run the household, to free her husband to function as the provider. (Gen. 2: 18)

The masculine and feminine roles are different in function but equal in importance.

In Henry A. Bowman’s book Marriage for Moderns he compares the partnership of marriage to a lock and a key which join together to form a functioning unit. “Together they can accomplish something that neither acting alone can accomplish. Nor can it be accomplished by two locks or two keys. Each is distinct, yet neither is complete in and of itself.

Their roles are neither identical nor interchangeable. Neither is superior to the other, since both are necessary. They are equally important.

Each must be judged in terms of its own function. They are complementary.”

Division of Labor

As you can see, the design for the human family is based on a division of labor.

You may be interested to know that modern research has proven this ancient plan to be the best means of people working together. In the 1970s several large industries in America joined forces in a research project to discover the best system for people to work together in groups, especially to get along with one another, without contention.

Part of their study took place in hippie communes which had begun earlier, in the sixties. These idealistic groups were not based on a division of labor, but on equality.

Men and women shared equally in all daily chores. Women worked side by side with men in the fields or building shelters. The men shared household chores and care of the children.

The interesting discovery was this: They found that equality didn’t fit masculine and feminine differences. Women were better at some jobs and men at others.

Women’s hands, more delicately formed, were better for mending and sewing on buttons. Men were more capable of hauling and shoveling.

The most significant discovery, however, was that when they shared work equally, they didn’t get along with one another. There was contention, frequent hostility, and even hatred. Such dissension caused whole communes to fall apart.

The conclusion of the research was this: The best way to work in groups is by a division of labor. What a perfect plan God designed for the family.

The greatest success in marriage occurs when husband and wife devotedly live their respective roles.

On the other hand, the greatest problems occur when either of them fails to perform his or her duties, or when one steps over the boundaries and forcefully takes over the partner’s role, or shows an anxious concern for performance or lack of performance.

To succeed in your role, accept your womanly duties with a keen sense of responsibility. Let it be your concern, your worry. You can of course employ servants, or assign your children to help. But you are the one who must see that it’s done.

To further succeed, learn the feminine arts and skills. Learn to cook, clean, and manage a household. Learn the womanly art of thrift and how to rear children. Forget about yourself and devote yourself to the welfare and happiness of your family.

“One secret of a sweet and happy Christian life is learning to live by the day. It is the long stretches that tire us. We think of life as a whole, running on for us. We cannot carry this load until we are three score and ten. We cannot fight this battle continually for half a century. But really there are no long stretches. Life does not come to us all at one time; it comes only a day at a time.” -My Prayer Book, Father Lasance http://amzn.to/2mwR5u6 (afflink)

Painting by Emile Munier, 1880

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How is YOUR Superiority Complex?

11 Monday Mar 2019

Posted by Leanevdp in Attitude, Fascinating Womanhood, Loving Wife

≈ 5 Comments

A great reminder for your week! Pride goeth before a fall…

Do you ever have this feeling that you are better than your husband? Do you find you look down on him because he doesn’t quite measure up to your expectations of whatever……orderliness, manners, managing finances, education, etc. It’s easy to fall into this trap and to replay it over and over again in our minds. Continue reading →

Just Pray and Get Out of the Way

28 Thursday Feb 2019

Posted by Leanevdp in by Anne Kootz, Fascinating Womanhood, Loving Wife

≈ 5 Comments

I think it would be very difficult for a woman to just “watch and pray” when it comes to a differing Religion in their home. It is what matters most to us who want to do what is right by our family. How hard it would be not to needle and nag the one we live closest to, so he will see things “our way” …for the sake of the family! You can relate? Me, too! It would be an awful struggle and I’m glad that’s one I haven’t had to tackle!

God bless my friend, Anne, who has lived and learned this lesson. Read and listen as she tells of her own walk in this area in the following testimony:

Just Pray and Get Out of the Way

(or the Power of the Rosary)

Anne Ross Kootz

How often I am my own worst enemy!

A cradle Catholic, I never left the Church. I always thought myself among the most devout and dedicated. Oddly enough, I did not insist on this quality when I met and married my husband, Buddy. Brought up as a Methodist, now he was essentially agnostic….and my temperamental opposite, though I didn’t see that yet. A very good man in every respect except this area of religion.

Most of my extended family married Protestants of one stripe or another. All converted to the True Faith within a couple of years. Buddy already courteously attended Mass with me; surely he will convert in short order. I believed, when I thought about it at all, this problem would be easy to fix.

Those of you in ‘mature’ marriages are chuckling. Little details, insignificant in the glow of romance, glare in day to day married life. High expectations soon submit to dull reality. I advised Buddy of his need for religious growth. But what began as warm, loving suggestions gradually became shrill. Five years later I was at my wit’s end. This had become the greatest handicap to my domestic bliss. Completely out of patience, I shook my fist at Our Lord (forgive me!) and shouted – OK. I’ve done ALL I can. This is NOT my problem anymore. It is YOURS!

Notice it was my issue, not Buddy’s. As I struggled at this time, I did read a helpful book on temperaments. It was an eye-opener. So Buddy really wasn’t trying to make me crazy? God made him that way! Our personality conflicts – choleric wife and phlegmatic husband – became more acceptable. However, the disconnect in our spiritual lives did not mend. Not that this was the only trouble.

Months and then years passed. No children. Nine failed attempts to adopt. At the nine year point, with both the spiritual and fertility issues unresolved, I needed a diversion – a challenging occupational interest. I began the process to enroll in Optometry school.

Of course! Hearing me resolved to accept His Will in this as in all things, suddenly Our Lord stepped in. On our return from a Christmas holiday a phone message greeted us. Our 10^th attempt had succeeded in the adoption of our first son. Our 2^nd son was underway within two days. Go ahead – no one laughed louder than Buddy!

Our family life became intense. There was no time to pine about our spiritual disagreements – babies to feed, toddlers to corral, and children to prepare for First Communion. Nonetheless, our common adversary was not idle. At 16 years a new, very painful threat to our marriage emerged.

In agony, I pleaded with Our Lord. In response, a still, small voice whispered, ‘You say you are such a good Catholic. Have you been praying for your husband?’ Oh — my! Immediately I started a daily rosary, for ‘whatever Buddy needs.’

At precisely the 90 day point in my desperation-novena, Buddy returned from a long, work-related trip. He invited me out for a drink. Understand, we never went ‘out for a drink.’ I could hear it coming… “I want a divorce.” With nothing left to lose, I got a sitter and joined him at a nearby bar for a cocktail.

You guessed it. “I’ve decided to join the Catholic Church.” A pause to pick my jaw up off the floor! Our Lady had interceded so completely – beyond my wildest imagination! As he related the process, during that long trip he had decided to quietly “try on the decision, like a shoe you wanted to buy. Then if I didn’t like it…” So like him to be ultra cautious! But Our Lady had the last laugh. Once he had ‘tried it on,’ it stuck!

Buddy was received into the church about a year later. He remains steady, if not overtly, devout. On occasion he relates a funny exchange with co-workers in which he defends the Church. He quietly endures his extended family’s preferred misinterpretation … “well, Anne is so outspoken, he finally gave in.” Sadly, never has his parents or siblings or in-laws offered him an opportunity to explain himself. It is our little secret.

Meanwhile, our 4^th, and evidently final son, Peter was born, named in honor of our family’s safety in the Barque of Peter. But even here I am still wary of my own worst enemy.

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A Worthy Character

15 Thursday Nov 2018

Posted by Leanevdp in Fascinating Womanhood, Virtues

≈ 3 Comments

From FW Index,

Fascinating Womanhood

Are You Up On Your Pedestal?

Fine character in a woman will stir deep feelings in a man. It may awaken love. It surely will let him know that he can trust you with his feelings, thoughts, and dreams.

Some Traits of Fine Character

Self-Control

It seems no other trait pertains to so many things as does self-control. You need this trait to be successful in many areas of your life. It helps you control your tongue, appetites, thoughts, money, emotions, time, and more. How do you gain self-control?

-Develop a sense of self-worth and a good self-image. This will give you the confidence you need to trust in your decisions. Remember that it is a feminine trait to vacillate. You need to trust yourself and your decisions.

-Doing without food for a period of time while you fast and pray will give you a head-start on gaining self-control. Fasting accompanied by prayer will also give you the spiritual strength you need to fight the battle with your will and win.

-Get in the habit of telling yourself “no” or doing something difficult in order to train your will every day. You can do something unpleasant, or eat something you don’t like, take on a hard job, go without something you usually allow yourself, put yourself on a time limit, or other such things.

-An important element of self-control is determination. Set your face like a flint and make up your mind that you are going to succeed. Don’t allow discouragement, hardships, or temporary setbacks to keep you from your goal. Make sure others don’t hinder you with side issues, time wasters, or discouraging talk. Keep your eye on the goal and stick with it.

Unselfishness

It takes a fair amount of self-thought to gain self-control, but at the same time you have to be unselfish. This seems to be a contradiction. Self-love is what you need to take care of yourself and stick to your standards and goals. Unselfishness is giving part of yourself for the good of someone else. It does not mean you compromise your standards, but that you put the needs of someone else in the forefront even when it causes you some discomfort.

There are many of us who can be kind when it’s easy and costs us nothing, but for an act to be truly unselfish it must have an element of sacrifice on your part. You do not have to love the person you are caring for, but instead are moved to action because it is what you do when someone has a need – unselfishness is a principle you live by.

Charity

While unselfishness spurs us to action because of duty, charity causes us to act because of feeling. Charity is deep love for another regardless of race, social standing or religion – it is much like the love of our Father toward us. This kind of love awakens service toward others.

Your first duty as a wife and mother is to your family and home, but after these needs are met, you have a duty as a charitable woman to the outside world. There are many less fortunate or weaker than you that need your help.

There are three main parts to charity – compassion, understanding the need, and sacrifice. Compassion will cause you to see the worth and value of an individual. It’s what causes you to take notice of them in the first place. After you notice them, a wise person will get to the root of the situation and perceive the actual need. Meeting the need will most likely require some sort of personal sacrifice or discomfort. It may mean going the second mile. It will help you if you remember, service is almost never convenient.

Humility

As I have stated before, humility is not false modesty that comes from denying you have talents or gifts of some sort. A humble person knows they have these things, but also knows how to use them, appreciate them and appreciate the talent in others. You are not arrogant or proud about your gifts, but instead are thankful and appreciative of them, and desire to use them in the best way. A humble person is free from a feeling of superiority over others and is aware of their own shortcomings.

It is all too easy to let things like riches, money and possessions, knowledge and learning, good looks and figure, character traits, and social standing become sources of pride. If you notice yourself looking down at others or becoming critical of those not as fortunate as you in some area, then pride is rearing its ugly head. Yes, you may have a gift someone else does not have, but you have your own areas of lack, too.

Keep things in perspective. No one is so wonderful and marvelous that they have no need of humility. Humility is essential to a person of high character.

Responsibility

Responsibility is the trait of getting a job done that has been entrusted to you, and doing the job right, to the best of your ability, and having it done on time. This trait is especially needed when you have no one looking over your shoulder to make sure the job gets done.

This is what so many wives of today are lacking – a sense of responsibility for the work they do in their homes and for their families. You don’t have a time clock to punch or a manager coming by to check on you to make sure the job is getting done. Without this outside pressure, many of us just don’t do as good of a job at home as we would do somewhere else. What’s missing? That trait of responsibility.

Even when parts of your work are done by others, such as with daycare or hiring a housekeeper, your responsibility to see the job gets done is still yours. The children and the house are still yours to look after, and it is a serious flaw to tack a lax attitude about your responsibilities.

Diligence

Diligence is closely related to responsibility, in my opinion. Responsibility lets you know that you have important work to take care of, and diligence sees the job through to the end. It gives you the stick-to-it-ivness you need to keep going when you want to quit.

Patience

Patience is the trait of waiting for the right timing. Patience means you have a large amount of forbearance. You tolerate things with a good attitude. You put up with inconveniences, delays, mishaps, and the many interruptions life hands us with a good attitude.

You need patience when you deal with other people. Your own home is an excellent incubator in which to grow patience. Children must have a sense of responsibility in the area of seeing to it their parents grow in this area. Husbands and wives need patience when learning to get along with each other.

It also takes patience to develop character qualities you are lacking. Don’t be too hard on yourself if you fail, but keep at it. Take the same attitude when learning a new skill or subject.

Moral Courage

Can you stand your ground when faced with criticism, humiliation, gossip, personal loss, or even bodily harm? If so, then you have the trait of moral courage. In order to have moral courage you first have to know what you believe and why. You have to have values and standards in place. Once you know what these are, times will come when you are questioned or tested. It takes courage to stick to your beliefs and not give in to pressure.

Some tests of your courage may be small. Are you able to say “no” when asked to take on duties that are too much for you? Can you get off the phone or computer when you are needed elsewhere? These are great starting places to begin practicing moral courage.

It also takes courage to admit you are wrong. There can be serious consequences to your wrong action, and it will take strength to get your actions out in the open.

Honesty

I doubt many of us are out and out liars since we have been trained to tell the truth, but do you realize that stretching the truth or covering the truth are forms of dishonesty? It is dishonest to conceal facts or embellish them. Usually we think we will suffer in some way if the truth comes out, so we hide the facts. Use your moral courage to be truthful in all things. You will be glad when you have a good conscience toward your Maker and your fellow man.

Chastity

Chastity is sexual pureness in thought and deed. It means to refrain from adultery, fornication, homosexuality or other sexual sins and to guard your mind in this area by avoiding pornography, illicit movies, trashy books, impure thoughts and impure imaginations.

Other Character Traits

The Bible is full of talk of high-quality character traits, things like, graciousness, hospitality, joy, peace, goodness, gentleness, and faith. These are acquired by knowledge and application. Once you know what a trait is, you can begin to apply it in your life. I would like to encourage you to study character qualities of people you admire, then begin to do several things a day to build these qualities within yourself.

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Communication, Anyone?

06 Monday Aug 2018

Posted by Leanevdp in Fascinating Womanhood, Loving Wife, Power of Words

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

communication, nagging

The following excerpts discuss that coveted “C” word – Communication.

Keep the Lines of Communication Open – Good Wife’s Guide, Darlene Schacht

A lot of women will say that their husbands don’t talk enough, but yet he was plenty talkative while they were dating. What gives?

A nagging wife will often use methods of shame, blame, criticism and guilt to get her way, and as a result men build walls of protection around them.

We don’t mean to do it, but when feelings get hurt or when we feel neglected we tend to act out.

Unfortunately nagging can become a habit for some. After a while, the methods of communication that once worked stop working, and the couple is left void.

If you want your husband to trust you with his heart as he once did, it’s important to practice self-control, hold your tongue, and replace criticism with kindness. Listen when he talks and make an effort to show him respect.

Cools His Feelings – Fascinating Womanhood, Helen Andelin

Any attempt to change your husband can dampen his feelings for you. Even only an implication that he doesn’t measure up to your standards can cool his attitude.

Your open suggestion that he needs to improve can lead to his rejection of you. This can be the beginning of a break in communication which can last for hours or even days.

He may avoid the situation by spending a great amount of time away from home with his friends, or in other interests or pursuits. Not only can love be cooled, in some cases it can be destroyed.

When a wife doesn’t give her husband the freedom to be himself, when she constantly pushes and nettles him to change, it can cause the destruction of a happy marriage.

Communication, The Key To Intimacy? – Surrendered Wife, Laura Doyle

Forget the notion that “more communication” is the key to an intimate marriage. Some things that are perfectly reasonable to discuss with women are not so comfortable for men.

Talking about feelings is not a popular pastime in the male culture, so to be polite, don’t ask about them, but continue to share yours.

Generally, men talk far less each day than women, so don’t expect your husband to want to talk as much as you.

The truth is, the less you communicate your complaints, negative thoughts, and criticisms to your husband, the better your intimacy will be, and the stronger your marriage.

Withholding information from your husband may feel dishonest, but it’s really being mature and polite. Men have a culture all their own and being a diplomat in it will improve domestic relations dramatically.

One who, in order to please God, perseveres in prayer although he finds no consolation in it, but rather repugnance, gives Him a beautiful proof of true love. –Fr. Gabriel of St. Mary Magdalen, Divine Intimacy

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Three Masculine Needs

04 Monday Jun 2018

Posted by Leanevdp in Fascinating Womanhood, Loving Wife

≈ 6 Comments

If there is one thing to be said about Fascinating Womanhood, it is that we are to go the extra mile! In this excerpt, Helen Andelin describes to us the masculine needs and how to meet them….

From Fascinating Womanhood, Helen Andelin (with permission)

To further succeed, help your husband succeed in his role by understanding three masculine needs:

A man needs to function in his masculine role as the guide, protector, and provider.
He needs to feel needed in this role.
He needs to excel women in this role.

1. Function in His Masculine Role:

First, he needs to function, as the head of the family, and to have his family honor and support him in this position.

Second, he needs to succeed in earning the living, in meeting his family’s essential needs, and to do so independently, without the help of others.

And third, he needs to serve as the protector, sheltering his family from harm, danger, or difficulty.

Feel Needed in His Masculine Role:

He needs to feel that his family really needs him as their guide, protector, and provider. When a woman becomes capable of providing for herself, able to make her own way in the world, independent of her husband, she loses her need for him. This is a great loss to him.

So deep is his need to feel needed as a man, and to serve as a man, that when he is no longer needed he may question his reason for living.

This can affect his tender feelings for his wife, since his romantic feelings partly arise from her need to be protected, sheltered, and cared for.

Excel Women in Masculine Role:

A man is not usually aware of his need to excel women until a situation arises which threatens him, such as when a woman outsmarts him in his own field, advances to a higher position, brings home a bigger paycheck, or excels him in anything which requires masculine strength, skill, competence, or ability.

Failures in Society

Unfortunately, we see these principles violated in modern life. Women have invaded the man’s world. We have a generation of working mothers, competing with men for greater achievement, the more-honored positions, or a bigger paycheck.

At home it is almost as bad. The woman takes control and tries to run things her way. Disappearing is the trusting wife who looked to her husband for strong guidance, a solid arm to lean on.

The masculine arm may be there, but she is not leaning on it. She does many of the masculine chores herself.

The independence of women is making masculine care and protection unnecessary, and this is a loss to both of them. As the man is deprived of his masculine function he feels less needed and therefore less masculine.

As the woman assumes masculine burdens she takes on male characteristics, to fit the job. This means a loss of femininity, a loss of gentleness.

The male responsibility adds strain to her life, more tension and worry. This results in a loss of serenity, a quality very valuable if she is to succeed in the home.

And when she spends her time and energy doing the man’s work, she neglects important functions in her own role. This results in losses to the entire family.

To Succeed

To succeed, keep well in mind his masculine role as the guide, protector, and provider. Remember, if he is to be happy, he must function, feel needed, and excel you in this masculine role.

Let him lead the family, do the masculine jobs around the house, and provide the living. Only in rare emergencies should you step over into his role and do the masculine work.

As he functions in his masculine role, don’t expect perfection. Don’t scrutinize his performance to see if he is doing things right. If he neglects his masculine duties and it causes you severe problems, don’t complain.

Instead say to him, “I have a problem.” State clearly your problem and the trouble it has caused. Then ask, “How do you think I should handle it?”

This honors him as the leader, puts the problem on his shoulders, and helps him feel needed. If he continues to fail in his duty, be patient. Change comes slowly.

To further succeed offer him appreciation. A man’s role is not an easy one, as I will soon explain. His greatest reward is your appreciation for his daily efforts.

Be lavish in your appreciation. It may mean more than his paycheck.

And last, be faithful to perform your domestic duties. This more sharply defines your roles and helps him succeed in his.

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Masculine and Feminine Roles

30 Wednesday May 2018

Posted by Leanevdp in Fascinating Womanhood, Femininity vs Feminist

≈ 3 Comments

Fascinating Womanhood, Helen Andelin, 1950’s

Man’s Role: Guide, Protector, Provider,

Woman’s Role: Wife, Mother, Homemaker

The woman was given a different assignment, that of helpmeet, mother, homemaker.

In Fascinating Womanhood we apply the word helpmeet to mean the role of the wife as she offers understanding, encouragement, support, and sometimes help.

Since she is biologically created to bear children, her role as a mother is unquestioned.

Her homemaking role is assumed: She must nurture her young and run the household, to free her husband to function as the provider. (Gen. 2: 18)

The masculine and feminine roles are different in function but equal in importance.

Their roles are neither identical nor interchangeable. Neither is superior to the other, since both are necessary. They are equally important.

Each must be judged in terms of its own function. They are complementary.”

Division of Labor

As you can see, the design for the human family is based on a division of labor.

Part of their study took place in hippie communes which had begun earlier, in the sixties. These idealistic groups were not based on a division of labor, but on equality.

Men and women shared equally in all daily chores. Women worked side by side with men in the fields or building shelters. The men shared household chores and care of the children.

The interesting discovery was this: They found that equality didn’t fit masculine and feminine differences. Women were better at some jobs and men at others.

Women’s hands, more delicately formed, were better for mending and sewing on buttons. Men were more capable of hauling and shoveling.

The conclusion of the research was this: The best way to work in groups is by a division of labor. What a perfect plan God designed for the family.

The greatest success in marriage occurs when husband and wife devotedly live their respective roles.

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A Domestic Queen – Success in Your Home

05 Thursday Apr 2018

Posted by Leanevdp in Fascinating Womanhood, Loving Wife

≈ 2 Comments

This post is not to discourage but to inspire….to realize our weak points and to work on them. Also, to recognize where we are strong and build upon that. In our world today, we have lost so much of the importance of this….being the Queen of the Home and taking much pride in it!

Let’s get back to it, Ladies! 🙂

from FW Index,

Fascinating Womanood

A Worthy Character

The first sure symptoms of a mind in health are rest of heart and pleasure found at home. ~Young

Are You An Overall Success In Your Home?

Just what is a “domestic queen”?

She is a woman who has a neat and orderly home, has well-behaved children, has nutritious meals served on-time, and is an over-all success in her career in the home.

She is a woman who has a good attitude about her work and place in the home, and finds satisfaction in her duty.

Her function as a Domestic Queen gains its success from her worthy character, her role as a woman, her inner happiness, and her glory in her work. Any woman can keep a clean house, but it takes someone special to turn it into a queenly, regal calling.

The Qualities of a Domestic Queen

The qualities of a domestic queen are varied. She is first of all an understanding wife and good listener, she is a devoted mother who takes an interest in her children’s welfare and sees to their spiritual, as well as physical growth.

The last trait of a Domestic Queen is that she is a successful homemaker – and this is what most of our discussion is about in this lesson.

A Domestic Queen is skilled in the feminine arts of cooking, sewing, cleaning, organizing, management, childcare, finances, and interior design. (I would add gardening, canning, and remodeling skills to the list, but that is just my opinion.)

Whatever she does, she does it well, going beyond just the bare minimum. She may not be THE best cook, or THE most devoted mother, or THE most perfect housekeeper, but she succeeds in her overall duty. She manages her time and values wisely and balances her time to meet needs.

Domestic Queens are not ordinary run-of-the-mill women. They add homey touches to their work with things that please the senses and make a person feel welcome and loved. A warmth of spirit permeates her household as if you walked in from clouds to a bright sunny day. She radiates understanding, love and happiness and makes the home a place her man wants to come home to.

Success to her is gauged by her fulfilling her position in her home. She is not ashamed of her job, but looks upon it as the most important career she could strive to excel at. Her work is not boring – but satisfying. She is confident and does not need to seek affirmation in the world of men. She lacks nothing of value.

The greatest tool any one of us has is our attitude. Attitude makes all the difference between success and failure. See if your attitude is in place with some of these difficult situations:

How To Find Happiness in Homemaking

Accepting Drudgery: Lets face it…some parts of homemaking are just plan dull if not downright nasty, but they still need to be done. Each individual task may not be so hot, but you can still find happiness in your overall accomplishment. Bring some joy with you into the task in the form of music, listening to tapes, thinking about something else, or just thinking about getting the job done!

Leave Yourself Time: If you want to be successful at your work you will need to be there. In other words, don’t crowd yourself with too many outside activities. (This was my problem for years – I was too diversified and never did anything well.)

The first thing you need to do is check to see if you are doing too many of your husband’s masculine jobs. Speak to him about your roles (read chapter on same subject) and the division of labor.

Next, pare down and limit outside-the-home commitments. Lastly, watch out for in-the-home time-wasters like TV, telephone, reading, or attention to one skill to the exclusion of others.

Go the Second Mile: We are all familiar with this doctrine – apply it to your profession at home. Many women are never fulfilled in their role because they do only what’s necessary to get by. Things are never quite where they want them (but they are not as bad as so-and-so!).

Fundamentals of Good Homemaking

There are a few fundamental tools that may make the difference in success or failure.

Concentrate: Think about what you are doing and work with a plan. Save daydreaming for some of those boring jobs.
Simplify: If you have too much to take care of you will always be behind. Work on getting rid of clutter and unnecessary knick-knacks, clothes, toys, papers, magazines, or anything that has no place of its own.
Organize Things: Each thing needs a place to call home, and it needs to be put there when not in use.
Organize Work and Commitments: This is where you need some sort of daily plan and guide. There are many methods of doing this. Read some books on the subject or search online.
Prioritize Values: This will guide you in your daily decisions. You may value a clean house and you may value lunch out once a week, but which is the higher priority? The answer to this will color your decision about what to do Tuesday at 12:30. You may value your ministry at the computer 🙂 and you may value home-cooked food…get the idea?
Diligent Effort: I am nearly convinced that a lot of our problems with failure come down to just not jumping in and getting to work. Use the ol’ elbow grease.

Make Him Comfortable:

What good is all this work if you shriek when your husband sits on the bed? His home is his haven and castle. (If you are the queen, guess who’s king.) Don’t make him feel as if he is adding to your burden, messing things up, and just being a general nuisance-around-the-house.

Motherhood

The Domestic Queen finds joy in bearing children (and raising them). Feminine nature has a natural instinct to have and care for little ones. Don’t let the hype of our age rob you of this joy or shame you into embarrassment because you want to have and rear children.

Meal Preparation

Meal preparation ranks high on the list of priorities in the household. This is an area where advance planning pays off. Failure to plan means a loss of nutrition and flavor. Groundmeat Helper again! A planned well-done meal takes very little more time, but the benefits are tremendous. Men like to come home to the smell of something simmering on the stove or baking in the oven. Take time to set the table and eat together as a family.

Dress For Your Role

Don’t forget to dress for your role. Mrs. Andelin suggests a cotton house-dress worn with an apron. (An apron with large pockets is indispensable!) You can still look feminine as you go about your business.

Watch Out For These Flaws

Self-centeredness: Not paying attention to the needs of others, but only your own pleasures.
Lack of organization: Easy to conquer with some effort!
Lack of knowledge: Not knowing what to do or when to do it was the biggest obstacle I had to overcome. I studied a lot and asked a lot of questions.
Lack of a sense of responsibility: Usually a failure to do the work that is yours.
Laziness: Self-explanatory, but don’t be too harsh in this until you check out your energy level and then seek to correct flaws in your diet. Add exercise, vitamins and herbs to your daily routine – and get off the excess weight if this is the problem. What is called “laziness” may just be lack of motivation or even depression. Pray and see if an answer doesn’t present itself.

The home is powerful. If it were not an important institution, the enemies of God and of man would leave it alone. The people who control the home control the future, parents are the first representatives of God on earth, within the home is the hope of morality.-Fr. Daniel A. Lord

The following are some excellent organizational books by Emilie Barnes! The Spirit of Loveliness is one of my favorites and will inspire you to keep the home fires burning using your feminine abilities to make your home truly lovely! Very inspiring!

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What Does Acceptance Mean

07 Wednesday Feb 2018

Posted by Leanevdp in Attitude, Fascinating Womanhood, Loving Wife

≈ 3 Comments

Tags

accept him, acceptance

A Good Reflection for you today:

My Disclaimer

A Summary from Fascinating Womanhood:

Oftentimes in our Finer Femininity meetings we talk about “Acceptance”. It is the fundamental basis for loving another.

Acceptance means that we accept our husband just as he is today, not trying to change him.

It does not mean we are blind to his faults (that doesn’t happen in marriage, does it?) and it doesn’t mean that he should not be a better man than he is.

It is realizing that this is his own responsibility and not your own. What a relief this! It takes a huge burden off of our shoulders!

You realize he has faults, but you realize they are just that, faults…human frailties.

Maybe you don’t agree with his ideas, but step back and allow him his own opinion and viewpoint.

Maybe his interests and dreams seem dumb to you….or too risky.
You need to allow him to follow them. That does not mean you can’t discuss it with him (if you think it is important enough or if you think it will be received well), but if you see that discussing it does not change them, back off. (and pray).

In accepting him, you are allowing him the right to be himself, for better or for worse.

Acceptance does not mean tolerance, that you put up with him. Nor does it mean dishonesty that you deceive yourself into thinking he is perfect when he is not. Nor is it a matter of resignation.

Acceptance is a happy state of mind when you realize that your responsibility is not in making him over but in appreciating him for the man he is. Acceptance means you recognize him as a human being who, like yourself, is part virtue and part fault.

This is an honest look. You realize that his faults exist, but focus on his virtues. You accept the total man with all of his potential goodness and all of his human frailties.

So why don’t you, today, practice accepting that man you married?

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Honor his position as the head of the family and teach your children to do so. Have faith in the principle that God placed him at the head and commanded you to obey him, as stated in the Bible. If this doesn’t seem fair, remember that God’s ways are better than our ways.– Helen Andelin, Fascinating Womanhood

An excellent talk! Take the time to listen in….

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The Honorable Woman

31 Sunday Dec 2017

Posted by Leanevdp in Beautiful Girlhood, Fascinating Womanhood, Modesty, Motherhood

≈ 6 Comments

by Father Eric Flood

(not for publication without approval)

When we consider men and women, we know God created them equal as being human, but with differences to fulfill Divine roles.God endowed each gender with necessary capabilities, and for women, this meant gifting them with a womb to bear children.

We can even consider the Feast of the Immaculate Conception as the day the womb of St. Anne reached its perfection, and the Annunciation as the day the womb of Our Lady reached its grandeur. At the very foundation of every female’s dignity is her capability of being a mother, and from this stems her honor, her value, and why she deserves respect, care, and protection

Let’s take a fruit tree, and examine when does an apple tree reach its full excellence? As it is growing? in the springtime, when it has blossoms? Is it not when the tree is full of ripe fruit?

So too a girl. When does a female reach her fulfillment: as she is growing as a child? when she enters the springtime of adolescence? Is it not when she bears fruit and brings a child into the world.

This marvelous ability confided to women, bringing life into the world, requires a body designed by God to not only feed her child, but with the emotional life which is more caring and compassionate.

When a girl grows in her understanding of this honor, her behavior changes, her self-esteem is lifted up, and she places great value upon herself. It could be said that possibly everything how women are to act and behave differently than men is rooted in their ability to bear children.

As a result, any attempt to downplay the great role of motherhood, any act to thwart her bringing forth life, injures her dignity. It replaces her exalted ability and her exalted place in society with lesser goals: pleasure, or the pursuit of worldly achievements or recognition.

So all women, whether mothers or not, deserve to be treated in accord with this dignity, and to encourage this attitude towards are females, we will use the assistance of the image of a garden as a fitting analogy to the womb.

There are grand botanical gardens and arboretums throughout the world, displaying beautiful landscapes and plant life. The myriad of flowers, plants, and trees arranged to radiate with beauty, splendor, and life. What could have been a simple plot of land – is made pleasing to the eyes after great labor.

Soil needs great care, diligence, and protection to become an elegant garden, and the womb needs great attention and labor to use the fertile ground to yield the great flowers of children.

Each woman, from her childhood, devotes abundant labor into preparing and preserving her garden. Plowing, cultivating, and removing stones, making sure the weeds of any secular thought of pleasure over purpose do not take root.

Her heart, too, is greatly involves as it learns that love is beyond a good feeling, but is to be genuinely valued for who she is. There is an aqueduct between the heart and womb, so what the woman perceives about herself – the degree she rightly loves herself and knows she is loved by God – supplies the womb with the nutrition of charity.

In understanding her true worth, she builds a fence around the garden, enclosing it so animals cannot enter and trample the garden. This wall is what Catholic spiritual writers call modesty. Extending beyond clothing, as it encompasses behavior, eyes, words, and demeanor.

We find in the original Garden of Eden, the mention of only 3 persons: Adam, Eve, and God. So too, in this garden of the woman, the only persons the woman allows are God and the husband. God, because He has dominion over all He created.

The husband who is given the keys to the gate of the garden on their wedding day, who has the duty to treasure it rightly as a gardener would show towards a beautiful garden. On her wedding day, it was as if the bride told him: “I have preserved my garden, it is precious to me, it is committed to your care, it is a place we can now walk together.

We especially implore, the Immaculate Virgin, to have continuous motherly care over our daughters, so that Our Lady, who preserved her integrity to the perfect degree, will inspire all females here the desire to preserve integrity.

For Our Lady, her garden was immaculate, and now the Gardener would not be any man, but God Himself. His power overshadowed her (Lk. 1:35), and her womb could not be a less beautiful garden than the original Garden of Paradise.

For women, God does not grant such a noble ability of childbearing without expecting it to be treasured. So He makes it natural for a girl to esteem her ability to bring life into the world, that from the first instance of recognizing the potential within her, a young girl begins to make a comfortable “home” for her children.

There was a boy who gave a hard boiled egg to a 2-year-old girl thinking she would drop it, then he would peel it. But what was her reaction: She carefully held the egg, making sure it would not be injured or broken. A boy probably wouldn’t do this, he would throw it, to see what would happen, but the girl, it is already within her to protect the precious.

We know that a baby girl is born with all the unfertilized eggs she will most likely ever have in life. Some speculate more may be made later, but it is a scientific fact that she is born with a tremendous number.

God gave her the eggs at birth, as well as the almost immediate instinctive care of them, like the 2 year old towards the hard boiled egg. This means, from her infancy, she has to protect them; shielding the garden from enemies, fertilizing the soil by a virtuous life.

Obvious, then, is the importance of appropriate instruction as she matures as to the great gift of childbearing confided to her. When a young lady understands that her value rests upon this, she more quickly acts and behaves in ways which display the awareness of her dignified position in the world. Her true feminine dignity shines in all she does in daily life.

From the way she conducts herself around others, to her external appearance, she knows what she does either adds or takes away from her grandeur. This should be cause for women to consider and meditate how their value, beauty, and honor is built upon, not by what in seen in the mirror, but the ability to be a mother.

Your mind, heart, and womb are so united that everything you do, can be seen in the light of bringing children into the world. This is why people can be more surprised when women use bad language, sit in a chair like men, are overly aggressive in competition. These forego a certain elegance of one of such tremendous dignity.

This analogy of the womb to a garden also gives a way mothers can teach daughters about the treasure they hold within. A little girl easily understand the fragility and preciousness of flowers, and the garden-analogy associates an image of something beautiful in the world to something beautiful within.

As she matures and develops this image of a lovely garden over years of your reiterating it, she will be reassured of keeping the garden beautiful for her future husband and children. It gives a concrete picture of the place her children will one day play, move, and enjoy living; bathing in the sunlight of motherly love.

It is good to also consider the possibility of the woman who has allowed weeds to grow in her garden? First, just because there are weeds, it doesn’t stop being a garden.

Second, it can become elegant again; it can still be cultivated into a beautiful garden, but much effort will be required. With the assistance of the all-powerful God beginning with confession, a vastly arrayed garden can soon flourish.

By His masterful workmanship, God turns the soil into a prosperous garden just as easily as when He took earth which “was void and empty” (Gen. 1:2), created many plants and animals, and the earth abounded with an abundance of life and beauty.

Our Lady was honored to provide a garden for Our Lord, and we extol the tremendous privilege confided to each woman here – whether God has blessed you with children or not.

Since your nobility, esteem, and value are rooted in the ability to have children, this is why it is such a sacrifice for women to become nuns and take a vow of chastity out of love for God. But they are remembered for it… for all eternity: for the Church has a special category for saintly women, but not a similar one for men, who made the sacrifice of not having children: Virgins.

And for those mothers whom God asks to bring children into the world, a tremendous sacrifice is required. Men know it, and sometimes, they don’t know what to say, but to make a joke, but it is not an easy 9 months, nor the months afterwards, nor the years following. Why stop there, it is the sacrifice of all your life… and your very life also.

Your children will always be your children. Your womb, mind, and heart were so united, that even after they leave the womb, they cannot leave the mind and heart. They are inseparable from you.

We conclude, then, with the obvious: men know we have to treat a pregnant woman differently: there is greater care, compassion, and a certain awe. The challenge before every man and boy is, since you know how to treat a woman when she is pregnant, then strive to treat every female (mother, sister, daughter) the same way you would as if she were pregnant. Show continual care, protection, and wonderment; hold her up in high esteem for the way God made her.

And not to leave all women and girls unchallenged, strive to view yourself at all times, whether pregnant or not, as having an elegant garden inside from which life comes forth, so that you live and breathe in accord with your exalted position, with grandeur, nobility, and tremendous value.

Even if not pregnant or elderly, you have a garden inside; giving the importance of behaving, dressing, and acting elegantly all the days of your life.

So that when the years of childbearing pass, the finer part of you, remains – your femininity. Let the world stand in awe of you. And when the end of the world arrives, you receive your body back, including your womb – your cherished garden – radiant, elegant, a treasure.

Happy Seventh Day of Christmas! Thank God for His many blessings. Make the most of each and every day. Enjoy the journey. The world will keep whizzing by but we must take time to smell the roses (or make a snowman). Each day is a gift, each person in your life is special. Take nothing for granted.

Coloring Pages for your children…. (click on the picture for larger size)

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Need some great reading suggestions? Visit My Book List.

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Category Archives: Fascinating Womanhood

Masculine and Feminine Roles

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The Honorable Woman