Category Archives: by Alice von Hildebrand

“So Many Parties!” ~ Alice von Hildebrand / New Podcast ~ Know Your Faith & Teach it to Your Children

29 Monday Aug 2022

Posted by in by Alice von Hildebrand, Marriage, Podcasts - Finer Femininity

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Alice von Hildebrand, By Love Refined

Dear Julie:

You and Michael certainly have been leading a busy social life! I’m glad to see how often you do things together, but be careful not to let that eclipse the deeper dimension of your marriage.  Movies and dinners with friends are enjoyable, but only you two together can develop an I-Thou relationship in which you have each other as the exclusive theme of interest.

In this special relationship between you and Michael, no third person or object detains your attention: you look at each other, into each other’s eyes, into each other’s souls, and dwell exclusively in each other’s presence.

This deep soul-to-soul relation should be at the heart of your marriage and must continually be deepened and enriched if your love is to grow. I know of many marriages that have grown cold or even failed because involvement with other people or with children has become so predominant that the I-Thou dimension has receded completely into the background. The spouses have turned their attention completely away from each other into other activities.

Be careful that this doesn’t become a problem for you and Michael. Newlyweds, especially, often engage in such an exhilarating whirlwind of parties and other activities (not to mention jobs) that every night they fall asleep exhausted, but not really closer to each other as persons.

As time goes by, your lives will get even busier (especially when you have children) and there will be more obstacles to the leisurely, sweet intimacy that you now enjoy (and which should be preserved at all costs).

So now is the time to develop a deep I-Thou relationship between you and Michael, a relationship you’ll have to nurture as long as you live.  Your time for each other will gradually grow less, but don’t let your lack of time become an excuse for avoiding intimate talks between you.

Above all, never let your I-Thou encounters become limited to the sexual sphere, which ought always to be a manifestation of your spiritual union rather than the only common meeting you ever have.  Success in marriage isn’t so much a question of time as of loving longing.

Mother Teresa of Calcutta is certainly one of the busiest people on earth, yet she spends hours absorbed in prayer and loving contemplation of our Savior. It is here alone that she finds the spiritual and physical strength to face her crushing duties.

Similarly, throughout your marriage, you should try to reserve moments for you and Michael in which you forget everything else, talk to each other, concentrate exclusively on each other, and revivify your love.

In these moments, let Michael and your love for him be your great, all-absorbing theme. These intimate moments will increase your mutual devotion and bring you both deep happiness.  I keep you constantly in my prayers.

Love,  Lily

 

 

No one likes to be taken for granted. In any human relationship a little sign of appreciation goes a long way. Life does not have to be a hard pull uphill all the time. To know that someone, especially the one we love, values our efforts sends us off with our heads in the clouds. The wife who is wise enough to show her husband appreciation for all his efforts will keep his heart fixed upon her. – The Wife Desired, Fr. Leo Kinsella

You are the first to teach your children that lying , stealing, disobedience, anger and revenge are wrong…. ~The Catholic Family Handbook, Fr. Lawrence G. Lovasik

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A very valuable book for the guys plucked out of the past and reprinted. It was written in 1894 by Fr. Bernard O’Reilly and the words on the pages will stir the hearts of the men to rise to virtue and chivalry…. Beautifully and eloquently written!

A very beautiful book, worthy of our attention. In it, you will find many pearls of wisdom for a woman striving to be the heart of the home, an inspiration to all who cross her path. You will be inspired to reconsider the importance of your role of wife and mother! Written by Rev. Bernard O’Reilly in 1894, the treasures found within its pages ring true and remain timeless…

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“He Cracks His Knuckles Constantly.” -Alice von Hildebrand

19 Monday Apr 2021

Posted by in by Alice von Hildebrand, Marriage

≈ 4 Comments

From By Love Refined, Alice Von Hildebrand

Dear Julie,

Your irritation at Michael’s absentminded knuckle-cracking has my sympathy. It’s a small thing which it would be best to ignore, but small things sometimes get on our nerves.

(Be grateful that your problems are small: the kind that only get on your nerves but don’t shatter love. You’ve been fortunate to fall in love with a noble man who also loves you, and your union has none of the grave problems – such as brutality or infidelity – that afflict too many marriages.)

Still, even a good marriage has its problems. Now that you’re privileged to share in Michael’s intimate life, seeing him day and night, you’re becoming conscious of many of his odd traits – comical, clumsy, or irritating as they may be.

All of us, when examined under the microscope of daily living, reveal quirks of our own that strike others as strange or annoying.

One of my acquaintances had the habit of often scratching his head. One evening his wife remarked to us, “I never knew I was going to be married to an ape.” This wasn’t a very loving way of regarding his in-nocuous habit. It was unkind of her to ridicule her husband (especially in front of others) and it was doubly humiliating since this wound was inflicted by one who had the special mission of nurturing and protecting him. It could have been otherwise.

Marriage constantly offers opportunities which we can use for love or against love. Michael’s knuckle-cracking is just such an opportunity. When you isolate his habit and pay great attention to it, you mentally equate his personality with his mannerisms and begin to view him more as an object than as a person.

It’s a bit like taking a picture of someone when he happens to be yawning. During those few seconds, it’s true that he looks the way the picture represents him; but the actual yawn which lasts for only the twinkle of an eye has been prolonged by the photograph and therefore deformed and caricatured.

To see anyone “from the outside” is a lack of charity; to see the one you love from the outside is a kind of betrayal. For it belongs to the “pact of love” that you promise Michael (and he promises you) not to isolate single expressions or mannerisms from the totality of the other person — the totality you’ve seen so clearly in Michael precisely because he’s chosen to reveal it to you, and because you love him.

When you suspend your Tabor vision of Michael and look at him from the outside with the critical, unloving attitude of a stranger, the sweet intimacy between you is shattered. You’re no longer concerting with him in love; you’re conspiring against him.

That’s why a lover worthy of the name always strives to look beyond mannerisms and to see her beloved from within, against the background of his lovable personality. Through love’s intuition, she grasps her beloved in his depth.

I know you firmly intend to fight against the devastating tendency to see Michael from the outside, and to remain faithful to your Tabor vision of him. The more you succeed in this, the more Michael’s minor quirks will lose their irritating character and even grow some-what endearing to you.

With love,

Lily

“The desired wife has developed her personality before marriage and continues that development during marriage. By personality here I mean beauty of soul and all those qualities and accomplishments which go to make a person interesting and sought after. Personality will carry a girl a great deal further in life than physical beauty. In fact, without personality, beauty often tires one in married life. Some girls are born with physical beauty. None are born with personality. They must develop and cultivate it all the days of their lives.” – Fr. Leo Kinsella, The Wife Desired, 1950’s

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With his facile pen and from the wealth of his nation-wide experience, the well-known author treats anything and everything that might be included under the heading of home education: the pre-marriage training of prospective parents, the problems of the pre-school days down through the years of adolescence. No topic is neglected. “What is most praiseworthy is Fr. Lord’s insistence throughout that no educational agency can supplant the work that must be done by parents.” – Felix M. Kirsch, O.F.M.

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Necessary advice to Catholic parents building a Catholic home. Reliable advice that is almost completely lost today, from people who know how it’s done. How to make it. How to live it. How to keep it. This book covers every aspect of Catholicizing your home–from spiritual matters like prayer and catechism to nuts and bolts topics like Keeping the Family Budget, Games and Toys, Harmony between School and Home, Family Prayers, Good Reading in the Home, Necessity of Home Life and much more

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Women and Feelings (Part Two) – Alice von Hildebrand

21 Thursday Feb 2019

Posted by in by Alice von Hildebrand, Femininity vs Feminist, FF Tidbits

≈ 3 Comments

Painting by William Henry Margetson (1861–1940)

Part One is here.

from The Privilege of Being a Woman by Alice von Hildebrand

The liturgy of the Holy Church gives testimony to the role of the heart in religious life; she has blessed us with a litany to the Sacred Heart of Jesus. There is no litany dedicated to the divine intellect or the divine will.

When Christ in agony spoke the heart-breaking words —”I am thirsty” — the Holy One was thirsting for our love. The heart is where love resides. The heart needs to be vindicated and this can best be achieved by distinguishing between valid and invalid feelings, legitimate and illegitimate feelings, “baptized feelings and unbaptized ones.” Continue reading →

Women and Feelings (Part One) – Alice von Hildebrand

20 Wednesday Feb 2019

Posted by in by Alice von Hildebrand

≈ 2 Comments

Painting by Edmund Blair Leighton 1852-1922

Part Two is here.

from The Privilege of Being a Woman by Alice von Hildebrand

Feelings are often denigrated in homilies and in spiritual direction. Women are told that spiritual life is based not on emotions, but on faith, will, and rational thought.

If by feelings we mean the flow of irrational emotions that, like flies, keep swarming around us, this advice should be taken very seriously. No doubt feelings can be dangerous and misleading. Continue reading →