Painting by John William Waterhouse

by Alice von Hildebrand, The Privilege of Being a Woman

Cons of Weakness in Women is here.

PROS OF WEAKNESS IN WOMEN

If faults occur because of woman’s weakness, in so many cases, far from being a negative characteristic, the weak, the fragile, the breakable, the vulnerable, the sensitive refers to objects or persons who have something particularly fine about them, and which, for this reason, are more easily wounded or destroyed.

A set of Sevres porcelain is to be delicately handled, whereas a pot of iron can be rudely treated without harm. Even though Saint Peter does not elaborate, we can assume that this was one of the meanings he had in mind when he wrote of women’s weakness (i.e., women should be honored because of their frailty).

In Medieval Europe, it was the glory of the troubadours to protect women, and to challenge anyone who failed to respect them. To kill defenseless women and children in the course of hostilities was traditionally considered ignoble. Don Quixote’s mission was to respect, honor, and defend the “weak,” and particularly women.

Moreover, the very frailty of women can turn out to be their strength. Their weakness appeals to pity; it can touch men’s hearts and appeal to what is best in them, namely their chivalrous instinct to help those weaker than themselves.

As mentioned above, there is an unwritten law that was respected (at least officially) until modern warfare took over: In emergencies, women and children were saved first. They were the first to go into lifeboats; they were the first to receive medical help.

In daily life, it is rare indeed that a man turns down a woman’s cry for help. Men appreciate being called upon, being given a chance to show their manliness, to play the role of a medieval knight whose glory was to protect the weak and even to engage in daring deeds to dazzle and conquer the beautiful lady of his love.

It is true indeed that women can shed “alligator tears,” the silly tears of self-pity, of self-centeredness, tears that respond to imaginary offenses, to wounded vanity. (Some men too can fall into this weakness!) But the fact that some tears are silly and illegitimate should not blind us to the fact that tears can be expressions of what is best and noblest in man.

When Augustine, conquered by grace, decided to respond to God’s call to change his life, he was not ashamed to sob. “The floods burst from my eyes, an acceptable sacrifice to you.” Not only did he cry, but he made a point of informing us that his “defeat” found its expression in tears of repentance.

The Church in her motherly wisdom offers her children a prayer for every need; she has one special one for the gift of tears: educ de cordis nostri duri-tia lacrymad compunctionis (draw from our hardened heart tears of compunction). A deep conversion is usually “baptized” in tears.

Granted that women cry easily, the question is “why do they cry?” This whole question edges on whether tears are legitimate or illegitimate.

We live in a world in which tears are called for daily. King David wrote, “My eyes shed tears, because men do not keep thy law.”

One of the beatitudes is “Blessed are those that mourn.” Woe to those who do not cry when God is blasphemed, where odious paintings are exhibited and praised as “works of art,” when some priests say sacrilegious masses, when children are daily abused, when people are tortured, when millions are starving.

Tears are the proper response to brutality, injustice, cruelty, blasphemy, hatred. Christ wept when He saw Jerusalem, and when He came to Lazarus’s tomb. Saint Francis of Assisi shed tears because “love was too little loved.”

As Virgil put it: “Sunt lacrinzae rerum” (“these are tearful things,” that is, situations that call for tears).

Christ promises that in heaven all tears will be dried, and Kierkegaard comments about the sad condition of those who have never shed a tear. We should cry over the daily offenses to God, cry over our sins, cry over the ingratitude of man.

The most holy of all women, Mary, is called the materdolorosa (sorrowful mother). Her immense sorrow has been admirably expressed by Giacopone da Todi, in his sublime poem dedicated to the sorrows of Christ’s mother.

“Is there one who would not weep, whelm’d in miseries so deep Christ’s dear mother behold.”

A woman’s way to holiness is clearly to purify her God-given sensitivity and to direct it into the proper channels. She should fight against maudlin tears and pray for holy tears—tears of love, of gratitude, of contrition.

We have said that women are more attuned to their emotions than men, and that this can lead to serious faults. There are cases in which the heart is wrong (hypertrophy of the heart). A woman’s heart can degenerate into a virgin forest which calls for pruning.

Nevertheless, there are situations when the heart is right and “reason” has become derailed, fallen into cheap rationalism characterized by the stubborn refusal to admit that many great truths transcend reason.

Rationalism is allergic to “mysteries.” Pascal must have had this in mind when he wrote, “The heart has its reasons that reason does not know of,” and “The last proceeding of reason is to recognize that there is an infinity of things which are beyond it.” Finally, “There is nothing so conformable to reason as this disavowal of reason.”

Women, too, have a mission toward the other sex: the one of awakening and refining man’s affectivity, often atrophied by abstractionism. They are definitely called upon to “humanize him.” In his matchless, humorous way, Chesterton speaks about “feminine dignity against masculine rowdiness.”

A man’s heart can be a desert desperately in need of water. We all know men who are “thinking machines” and are dehumanized. The humorous and, at times, merciless Kierkegaard never missed a chance of making a thrust at his deadly enemy, Hegel. He hints at the fact that Hegel’s “marriage must therefore have been as impersonal as his thought. He clearly wishes us to feel sorry for Mrs. Hegel!

How beautiful is the complementariness of men and women according to the Divine Plan. It is not by accident that Saint Francis of Assisi was best understood by Saint Clare; Saint Francis of Sales by Saint Jeanne Francoise de Chantal; Saint Vincent of Paul by Louise de Marillac. In our own times, Marie Pila was co-foundress with Father Eugene Marie of Notre Dame de Vie in the Provence.

Man is made for communion and the most perfect form of communion calls for persons who complement each other. This is why God said: “It is not good for man to be alone.”

Female interests are centered on the human side of their lives: their family life, their relationships to those they love, their concern about their health, their welfare and, if they are Christians, the spiritual welfare of their children’s souls; in other words, about human concerns.

Most men speak about the stock market, politics, and sports; some speak about intellectual and artistic questions. Chesterton was right when he wrote, “Women speak to each other; men speak to the subject they are speaking about.”

A woman’s mission is much aided by the very beauty which, as we have seen, she can use for her own downfall. A woman’s loveliness (with all its delicacy) can exercise such a charm upon her male counterpart that her very frailty brings him to his knees.

This truth is poignantly highlighted in the Old Testament when the lovely Queen Esther, in order to save her people who were threatened by the viciousness of the king’s minister, daringly broke the rule prohibiting anyone from coming to King Ahasuerus without permission.

Upon seeing her entering into his apartment, “He (the king) looked on her, blazing with anger.” The queen sank down. She grew faint, and the color drained from her face, and she leaned her head against the maid who accompanied her.

“But God changed the king’s heart, inducing a milder spirit. He sprang from his throne in alarm and took her in his arms until she recovered, comforting her with soothing words …’What is the matter, Esther?’

“He said, ‘I am your brother. Take heart; you will not die; our order only applies to ordinary people. Come to me.’ And raising his golden scepter he laid it on her neck, embraced her and said, ‘Speak to me.’ ”

Thanks to God’s help, her weakness conquered. Her very frailty was the trump which made her victorious. She invited the king to a feast in the course of which she begged him to save her life and the lives of her people. She disclosed to her husband the plans that his minister Haman had devised to exterminate the Jews. We all know the end of the story: The wicked Haman died on the very gallows he had set up for them.

Though different, a moving parallel—emphasizing beauty, frailty, and the power of tears all at once—is to be found in the life of Saint Scholastica, the sister of Saint Benedict, the Father of Western monasticism.

Let us recall the touching episode of the last visit that Saint Benedict had with his holy sister. According to the rule, they could see each other only once a year. Their joy was to talk about God and sing His praise together. She begged her brother to prolong this holy colloquy, but he sternly refused: the rule ordered him to spend the night in his monastery.

His gentle sister started praying, shielding with her hands the flood of tears streaming from her eyes. The sky which had been radiantly serene, suddenly became dark and threatening, and a fierce downpour accompanied by lightning and thunder forced Saint Benedict to remain for the night.

This episode is related by Saint Gregory, and the Liturgy concludes this moving scene by stating, “plus potuit, quia plus arnavit” (“Having the stronger love, she had the stronger power”).

This gentle virgin wept: but these tears were blessed tears, tears of tenderness, tears of love, tears that moved the heart of Christ —fond ardens caritatis —to order the heavens to produce a storm of such violence that Saint Benedict was forced to concede defeat. The strong one had to yield because God was on the side of the frail one.

God has indeed created women to be beautiful (“The sons of God saw that the daughters of men were fair… “). Their charm, lovableness, and beauty exercise a powerful attraction on the male sex, and it should be so.

It is noteworthy that feminine loveliness contradicts the biological norm: Usually the male animal is more beautiful than the female one. The lion is more beautiful than the lioness; the rooster is more beautiful than the hen; the male duck has brilliant colors which are denied its female partner.

This is one feature, among many, which points to the fact that sexuality in animals and human beings is radically different. For no one (except Schopenhauer) would deny that women are or can be beautiful. It is not by accident that they are called “the fair sex.”

Innocent little girls can have a sweetness and charm that most fathers cannot resist. I know some who can be very stern toward their sons, but cannot bring themselves to deny the requests of their little girls who do not know as yet how lovely they are.

With age (especially after puberty) most girls become conscious of the power they can exercise over men. Those whose hearts are noble or have been purified by grace will never use their charm to play with the strong sex, or worse to “seduce” it to gain their own subjective ends. They will put their gift at the service of the good and not at the service of evil.

This was the case with Esther. She was not seeking any personal advantage. She wanted to save her people, and she accepted the risk of being sacrificed in order to achieve this noble end. She did not intend the death of Haman (even though he was, in fact, executed); she wanted to liberate her people.

We all know that there are women who, conscious of the power that the female sex has over men, do not hesitate to use it in order to achieve their own selfish ends. When a man commits fornication or adultery, we say “He went to his mistress.” Clearly the word “mistress” indicates who is in command.

The power that women can wield over men is great indeed. If they pursue their own selfish aims, women are Satan’s slaves. If they put their charm at God’s service, they are God’s great allies.

How often have I heard men say, “It is my wife who brought me back to God.”

It is, above all, by means of woman that piety is first awakened and spreads its mysterious influence over society…. woman is one of the grand instruments of which Providence makes use to prepare the way for civilization …should she prove false to her high mission, society would perish.

“In the whole evangelical history,” says M. De Maistre, “women play a very remarkable part; and in all the celebrated conquests made by Christianity, either over individuals or over nations, there has always been some woman’s influence.”

Undertake all of your duties with a calm mind and try to do them one at a time. If you try to do them all at once, or without order, your spirits will be so overcharged and depressed that they will likely sink under the burden and nothing will be done. In all of your affairs, rely on the Providence of God through which alone you much look for success. Strive quietly to cooperate with its designs. – Saint Francis de Sales, from Introduction to the Devout Life

A perfect Devotion for the Month of June…The Chaplet of the Sacred Heart!

The Chaplet of the Sacred Heart and Prayer Card. Beautiful and Durable, Wire-Wrapped Sacred Heart Chaplet!

The small beads represent the thirty-three years of the mortal life of our Lord. The first thirty recall to mind the years of His private life, and are divided into five groups of six; the three on the pendant recall the public life of the Savior. Available here.

Salvation and spiritual perfection should not be sought haphazardly; a strategy is needed to win the battle for our souls.

The Spiritual Combat, first published in 1589, provides timeless guidance in spiritual discipline. St. Francis de Sales (1576-1622) read from it himself every day and recommended it to everyone under his direction.

Vigorous, realistic and full of keen insight into human nature, The Spiritual Combat consists of short chapters based on the maxim that in the spiritual life one must either “fight or die”. Fr. Scupoli shows the Christian how to combat his passions and vices, especially impurity and sloth, in order to arrive at victory.

The Way of Trust and Love A Retreat Guided By St. Thérèse of Lisieux Jacques Philippe St. Thérèse of Lisieux sought a new way to Heaven: “a little way that is quite straight, quite short: a completely new little way.” Blessed with personal limitations that might have discouraged another, Thérèse believed God would not have given her a desire for holiness if He did not intend for her to achieve it. She learned to humbly accept herself as she was and trust completely in God’s love. First given as a retreat by renowned author Father Jacques Philippe, The Way of Trust and Love navigates excerpts of St. Thérèse’s writings phrase by phrase, extracting powerful, resonating insights. To Thérèse, the journey seemed “little” as she traveled it. A hundred and fifteen years after her death, the message of the young saint and Doctor of the Church has traveled around the world inspiring millions. With this newly translated study of her spirituality, many today will rediscover—or find for the first time—the relevance of “the little way,” in all seasons of life. Fr. Jacques Philippe is well-known for his books on prayer and spirituality. A member of the Community of the Beatitudes, he regularly preaches retreats in France and abroad. He also spends much of his time giving spiritual direction and working for the development of the Community in Asia and Oceania where he travels frequently.

This post contains affiliate links. Thank you for your support.

Painting by Mary E. Harding, 1916

by Alice von Hildebrand, The Privilege of Being a Woman

Pros of Weakness in Women is here.

CONS OF WEAKNESS IN WOMEN

“Weak” can refer to what is fragile, delicate, breakable, vulnerable, sensitive. Women are more vulnerable than men and this vulnerability can render them helpless and irritable.

They are usually less capable than men to fend for themselves. How often the Bible reminds us of the duty to care for widows. Widowers are not mentioned.

That women are in this sense weaker than men is exemplified by female tears. If all the tears shed by women had been collected since the beginning of the world, they would compete with the sea. The tears shed by men might fill a pond of modest size.

Not only do they cry much more than men, but moreover, they are not ashamed of their tears, whereas there are men who would rather die than be tearful. More will be said about this later.

Because of “the meld of heart and mind” which characterizes women, they are more likely to be wounded than men, whose power of abstraction often shields them from negative feelings.

Women have much less control over their emotions; they usually have greater sensitivity, they are more intuitive. Their bodies are mirrors of their psyche and seem to be more closely connected than in men.

This innate trait—when not properly guided—may lead them to yield to seduction and to some serious moral weaknesses, for example, partisanship, subjectivism in judging situations and persons.

More than men, women are likely to be attracted by magic. This may take the form of spiritism, tarot cards, or Ouija boards. Fortune-tellers are often women.

This might be another point Saint Peter and Saint Augustine had in mind when they called women “the weaker sex.” Women take their feelings much more seriously than men do, and so they have a tendency to dwell upon them and fall into self-centeredness. They are more likely than men to be romantic and sentimental (let us think of  Madame Bovary), to become prey to an unhealthy exaltation, to escape into the world of their dreams, and to be dominated by their imagination and their fancy.

Throughout her autobiography, Saint Teresa of Avila repeatedly refers to the dangers menacing the spiritual life of “the weak sex”: emotionalism, dreaming, illusions, self-centeredness. She repeatedly stresses how much they are in need of guidance.

Two great spiritual directors, Saint Francis of Sales and Dom Colomba Marmion, emphasize the fact that “however intellectual or enlightened a woman may be, God, according to the ordinary rulings of His providence, wills her to be directed by a man who is His minister.”‘

This is a theme which keeps recurring in his spiritual letters. Women need men whose mission is to help them to channel their emotions, to distinguish between those that are valid and those that are tainted by irrationality, those which are legitimate and those which are illegitimate.

But Saint Teresa—echoing Saint Peter Alcantara —also writes that more women than men receive extraordinary graces, that they are more receptive to God’s voice and particularly capable of heroic donation when their heart is purified.

The more privileged they are, the more they need guidance. Saint Teresa had the wisdom of always turning to wise and holy spiritual directors to help her discern the validity of her mystical experiences.

Without such guidance or grace woman may be weak enough to misuse one of her great gifts, her beauty, to her own destruction and that of others.

The prostitute (the most tragic of women) has mastered the sad art of seduction. She knows which buttons to press to catch a client. Since original sin, lust has entered into the human heart and, unless a person is protected by grace and a faithful life of prayer, it is, alas, true that most human beings will fall into the nets of coarse sexual attraction.

What is so tragic about this is that the beauty of the divine plan for the relations between men and women is thereby trampled upon and badly stained. It is indeed a shameful thing to use and abuse another human being.

Moreover, sexual sins disgrace man’s soul in a way that cannot be understood when our conception of this mysterious sphere is purely biological.

On the other hand, it is inconceivable for anyone to fall into sexual depravity (another word for filth) if he remains aware that God sees him at all times. There are deeds that can only be accomplished in darkness.

The master psychologist Dostoevsky has powerfully depicted in The Brothers Karamazov how an unfortunate woman called Gruchenka played on the keyboard of her sexual attraction in order to bring poor Dmitri into her nets. It is a typical cat-and-mouse game.

Literature abounds with such examples, and one cannot help but feel sorry for the foolishness of the “strong sex” (as illustrated in Gogol’s powerful novel Taras Bulba).

But it is not only women who can seduce men. Men can also seduce women. And even though generalization is risky, we are tempted to say that women are usually brought to their fall, not so much because of lust, but because of the promise of eternal love, or because they are told that their lover will kill himself if she does not yield to his wishes, or because of sheer vanity, or because they desperately want “to be wanted” and protected.

How sweet it is to hear, “I have never seen a woman as beautiful as you are.” “You are the only one who has ever touched my heart.”

The drama of Faust and Margarete comes to mind. It is so terribly tragic that when Margarete finds herself pregnant, abandoned, and in a desperate situation, she utters the words: “It was so good; it was so beautiful.”

She nurtured the illusion that the “great” man who conquered her actually loved her and, when her eyes opened, she was threatened by despair.

Finally, more than men, women speak about their aches and pains. When sick, men may grumble but dislike making of their discomfort the topic of conversation. Usually women grieve more than men and worry about possible dangers before they become actual. If they yield to this tendency, their behavior can easily become irrational.

Women are more likely than men to panic when they face a practical problem. The latter feel challenged and often enjoy tackling technological difficulties; they want to find solutions to problems.

Men usually refuse to think about problems until they actually take place and they can do something about them. They shun talking about things which they cannot change or influence.

On the other hand, women—more than men —grasp intuitively the meaning and value of suffering. Chesterton claims that men are more pleasure-seeking than women.

A friend of my husband who, for many years, was chaplain for both monks and nuns, told him that the latter were much more willing to make sacrifices over and above what was strictly commanded by the rule.

In all this, no intelligent woman can find ground for offense. As a matter of fact, to be reminded of one’s weakness is, from a supernatural point of view, a grace.

How many mistakes could we all have avoided if we had reminded ourselves that without God’s help we can do nothing? How many blunders do we make because we act impulsively and overlook our weaknesses and limitations?

How many sins, faults, mistakes, and stupidities can be traced back to the fact that their perpetrator did not realize (or did not want to realize) how weak he was and did not ask for advice?

Instead of being offended when reminded of their weakness, supernaturally motivated women are grateful. To be conscious of one’s weakness and to trust in God’s help is the way to authentic strength and victory.

This has been etched admirably by Saint Paul when he wrote: “It is when I am weak that I am strong.”

In the liturgy dedicated to Saint Agnes—a young maid who suffered martyrdom —the Church writes: “O God who chooses what is feeble in the world” (“qui infirma mundi eligis…”).

A few days after the feast of Saint Agnes, the Church celebrates another young female saint: Dorothy, virgin and martyr.

Dom Gueranger comments, “The religion of Christ alone can produce in timid women, like the saint of today, an energy which at times surpasses that of the most valiant martyrs among men. Thus does our Lord glorify His infinite power, by crushing Satan’s head with what is by nature so weak.”

Once again, the key to their victory over their innate “weakness” is the supernatural.

How many in marriage love each other selfishly, show themselves demanding, moody, eager to receive, but never generous in giving. There is so much selfishness in certain families even when they are very closely united.

The remedy is to supernaturalize the affections; to pass as quickly as possible from passionate love to virtuous love and to make conjugal love a permanent exercise of the theological virtue of charity. -Christ in the Home, Fr. Raoul Plus S.J., 1950’s

July, Month of the Precious Blood is around the corner!

Package Special! Precious Blood Chaplet & Precious Blood Prayer Book~ Wire-Wrapped, Beautiful and Durable! ~ Prayer Card Included. Available here.

Precious Blood and Prayer Pamphlet only available here.

CHAPLET:

This devotion consists of seven mysteries in which you meditate on the seven principal shedding of the Most Precious Blood of Jesus. The Chaplet is divided into 7 groups, each containing 33 beads in honor of the 33 years of the life of Jesus.

PRAYER BOOK:

This is a wonderful little prayer book that I have used all through my married life. The prayers are beautiful and the promises wonderful!

Here are some titles of prayers:

-Our Lady of the House Prayer

-Memorare to Jesus, Mary, Joseph

-Prayer for Choosing a State in Life

-Act of Consecration to the Precious Blood and the Blessed Virgin for Children

-Memorare to St. Joseph (and many other beautiful prayers to that Glorious Saint)

-A Prayer in time of Affliction, Wars, Pestilence, etc.

**Beautiful Prayers to many Saints!

Journals!

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