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Category Archives: by Alice von Hildebrand

Woman’s Gift of Receptivity ~ Alice von Hildebrand / The Winner of the FF Giveaway is….

07 Tuesday Feb 2023

Posted by Leanevdp in by Alice von Hildebrand, Femininity vs Feminist, Womanhood

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by Alice von Hildebrand, The Privilege of Being a Woman

Another great gift that God has granted the female nature is the gift of receptivity. This is not to be confused with passivity as Aristotle does when he claims that the male is superior to the female because he is “active,” whereas she is passive.

Clearly passivity is inferior to activity, for one is only being “acted upon.” But this is not true of receptivity which involves an alert, awakened, joyful readiness to be fecundated by another person or by a beautiful object.

All created persons are essentially receptive because “there is nothing that we have not received.”

Women feel at home in this receptivity and move in it with ease and grace. This is already inscribed in their biological nature: a wife giving herself to her husband accepts joyfully to be fecundated, to receive. Her receptivity is a self-giving.

But the marvel of childbirth is that even though she has only received a living seed — so microscopic that it is invisible to the human eye — after nine months she gives her spouse a human being, with an immortal soul made to God’s image and likeness.

The moment of conception takes place hours after the marital embrace, but when the sperm fecundates the female egg we can assume (even though it has never formally been taught by the Church) that at that very moment God creates the child’s soul — a totally new soul which, being immaterial, cannot be produced by human beings. God therefore “touches” the female body in placing this new soul into the temple of her womb.

This is another incredible privilege that the Creator grants to women. During pregnancy, she has the extraordinary privilege of carrying two souls in her body. If those unfortunate women who consider having an abortion were conscious of this, it is most unlikely that any of them would consent to the crime.

It is worth mentioning that while it is the husband who fecundates his wife, one says “she has given herself to him,” implying that this receptivity is also a unique donation: To accept to receive is a very special gift.

There are some unfortunate persons who would prefer to die than to receive, for the very thought of being indebted is repulsive to them.

Kierkegaard writes about the demonic despair in which a man prefers the torments of hell to accepting help, “the humiliation of becoming nothing in the hands of the helper for whom all things are possible …”

To accept her state of creaturehood is easier for a woman than for a man, who is always tempted to be in command. How many men revolt at their metaphysical dependence; how many men resent being sick and weak and therefore forced to rely on the help of others?

Authentic creativity in creatures depends upon their degree of receptivity; to use Platonic language, he who produces without having opened himself to fecundation by God will produce “bastards.”

Much of what is called “modern art” falls into this category, because the temptation of many artists today is no longer to serve, but to “express” themselves.

In this context, Gertrud von le Fort writes: “The artist who no longer gives God the honor, and instead proclaims only himself, must, by excluding the religious element from culture, practically eliminate also its womanly quality.”

In childbirth, this creative miracle that stems from womanly receptivity is, as we saw, exemplified in a unique way. It finds its climax in the words of the Blessed Virgin who only said “yes” to God’s offer; she did not “do” anything, she simply said: “be it done to me according to Thy word.”

As soon as she uttered these holy words, she conceived the Savior of the world in the mystery of her blessed womb. She carried in the temple of her female organs the King of the Universe Whom the whole universe cannot contain.

Important as the role of the father is, women collaborate in a very special way with God’s creation of new human beings who are called upon to serve Him in this life and enjoy Him forever in heaven.

Receptivity is a religious category par excellence. The key to holiness is to let oneself be totally “reformed” by divine grace, to say to God, “do with me whatever you will.”

Mary said to the servants at the wedding in Cana, “Do whatever He tells you.” That is the way to holiness. Because this characteristic is so crucial in religious life, it explains why the liturgy calls women “the pious sex.”

As long as women are faithful to their “religious” calling the world is safe. But the threat menacing us today is precisely the metaphysical revolt of feminists who have totally lost sight of their vocation because they have become blind to the supernatural.

At the turn of the century, the French academy offered a prize to the person who best answered the following question: “Why are there more men than women in jails?” The award was given to the person who wrote, “because there are more women than men in churches.”

One dreads to think of the possibility that “the pious sex” would let itself be convinced that prayer is only for the weak and the incompetent, meaningless for those aiming at greatness.

Here is a truth worth meditating upon: Women are more geared to piety because they have a keener awareness of their weakness. This is their true strength.

As the educator and trainer of the immature minds and wills entrusted to you by God, your vocation is difficult. It calls for many qualities that are virtues in themselves: zeal, painstaking effort, patience in weariness, and the humility that joyfully stoops to the level of the child. It is hard work, and the temptation must come at times to abandon the effort and take life easy. Only the seriousness of the undertaking and the knowledge that it is done for God can sustain the untiring effort demanded. – Father Lawrence Lovasik

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This is a unique book of Catholic devotions for young children. There is nothing routine and formal about these stories. They are interesting, full of warmth and dipped right out of life. These anecdotes will help children know about God, as each one unfolds a truth about the saints, the Church, the virtues, etc. These are short faith-filled stories, with a few questions and a prayer following each one, enabling the moral of each story to sink into the minds of your little ones. The stories are only a page long so tired mothers, who still want to give that “tucking in” time a special touch, or pause a brief moment during their busy day to gather her children around her, can feel good about bringing the realities of our faith to the minds of her children in a childlike, (though not childish), way. There is a small poem and a picture at the end of each story. Your children will be straining their necks to see the sweet pictures! Through these small stories, parents will sow seeds of our Holy Catholic Faith that will enrich their families all the years to come!

This revised 1922 classic offers gentle guidance for preteen and teenage girls on how to become a godly woman. Full of charm and sentiment, it will help mother and daughter establish a comfortable rapport for discussions about building character, friendships, obedience, high ideals, a cheerful spirit, modest dress, a pure heart, and a consecrated life.

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“We Were So Glad to See You” ~ Alice von Hildebrand

26 Thursday Jan 2023

Posted by Leanevdp in by Alice von Hildebrand, Marriage

≈ 1 Comment

Painting by Dan Andreasen

by Alice von Hildebrand, By Love Refined: Letters to a Young Bride

Dear Julie,

How grateful I was to enjoy Thanksgiving dinner with you and Michael while I was traveling through St. Louis!

In the gentle and affectionate way that you and Michael looked at each other, I sensed the great reverence you have for each other and I could see how your love has blossomed despite the minor obstacles you both have encountered.

As I said to you at breakfast, even good marriages are sometimes difficult and require great patience and forbearance. Marriage thrusts spouses into such an intimate relationship twenty-four hours a day that small irritations arise in even the best of marriages.

I think, however, that one widespread modern attitude aggravates our difficulties in marriage and in all our other relationships: lack of reverence.

I don’t only mean lack of reverence for God. I also mean lack of reverence for other persons and even for things: the failure to recognize the inner nobility and worth of persons and things which leads to the failure to treat them with the deep, tender respect that is due to them.

In his writings, my husband called reverence “the mother of all virtues” and stressed that reverence is the key to a happy life and certainly the key to a happy marriage.

Only the reverent person adopts the right attitude toward his wife, his children, other people, and God.  The irreverent person, on the contrary, approaches others with a basically self-centered attitude. He views the world as a means for his personal satisfaction: “How can these things satisfy my desires?”

In doing so, he deprives himself of the greatest and most beautiful things human life can offer, including friendship and love, which are destroyed by the arrogance that forms the heart of lack of reverence.

One of the most ominous symptoms of our contemporary age is its lack of reverence – for people, for sexuality, for the mystery of life, for death, and last but not least, for God.

Lack of reverence is so much a part of modern society that we must constantly be on guard lest we, too, unconsciously be infected with it.  We all sin against the dignity of other persons, often in shameful ways.

I recall a wife who treated her china with amazing care, while regularly speaking harshly to her husband. There are men who address their bosses with great respect but treat their wives with no reverence at all.

“Familiarity breeds contempt,” says the proverb. Unfortunately, it contains some truth. It’s up to us to falsify it.  Especially after a difficult day at work when you both return home tired and exasperated, it’s easy to be testy with your spouse.

Although it’s usually difficult in such circumstances, you both must continually remain conscious that your spouse is a person made in God’s image and likeness, a being of tremendous dignity, who is to be respected and loved.

Continue to show your reverence in the tone of your voice, in your attitudes, in your gestures, in the way you touch each other.  The beauty of your marriage to Michael depends to a large extent upon your enduring reverence for each other.

The closer you are to Michael, the more you should tremble with reverence. I personally am convinced that many marriages flounder because there is no reverence between the spouses.

No marriage can survive our tempest-tossed existence without it.  My visit with you last week convinces me that you already understand much of this.

If you sometimes fail in this domain, the main thing is to acknowledge your failings, ask for forgiveness, and start over again with renewed courage. To hear from you and to know you’re happy would be a joy.

Lovingly,  Lily

“Happiness in marriage must be earned. It is something you must work out for yourself, chiefly by forgetting yourself and serving others. No marriage is a success unless less you make it so, and that takes persistent effort and, still more, a constant and humble reliance on God.” – Fr. Lawrence G. Lovasik. The Catholic Family Handbook

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Here is a marriage blueprint that every woman can follow. Happy marriages do not just happen, they are made. It takes three parties to make a good marriage; the husband, the wife, and the Lord. This book is concerned with helping the woman to become the wife desired and therefore loved that every man worth having wishes to find and keep.<P> This book sold over a quarter of a million copies shortly after its publication in 1951, and it was read by Catholics and non-Catholics alike. It is a practical manual. It should be read by every woman considering entering the matrimonial state and also by those women who are already married.

We all have it . . . the desire, the longing for love. God meant for marriage to be beautiful, resilient . . . lovely, but this broken world can make it hard sometimes. 100 Ways to Love is a practical guide to find and live in the rich, fulfilling marriage God intended for husbands and wives. You can get beyond just living in the minimum of your relationship. Ladies, we have one shot at loving our man. We all have the capacity and capability to love him and to do it well. It’s time for our marriages to start thriving in love.

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“So Many Parties!” ~ Alice von Hildebrand / New Podcast ~ Know Your Faith & Teach it to Your Children

29 Monday Aug 2022

Posted by Leanevdp in by Alice von Hildebrand, Marriage, Podcasts - Finer Femininity

≈ 2 Comments

Alice von Hildebrand, By Love Refined

Dear Julie:

You and Michael certainly have been leading a busy social life! I’m glad to see how often you do things together, but be careful not to let that eclipse the deeper dimension of your marriage.  Movies and dinners with friends are enjoyable, but only you two together can develop an I-Thou relationship in which you have each other as the exclusive theme of interest.

In this special relationship between you and Michael, no third person or object detains your attention: you look at each other, into each other’s eyes, into each other’s souls, and dwell exclusively in each other’s presence.

This deep soul-to-soul relation should be at the heart of your marriage and must continually be deepened and enriched if your love is to grow. I know of many marriages that have grown cold or even failed because involvement with other people or with children has become so predominant that the I-Thou dimension has receded completely into the background. The spouses have turned their attention completely away from each other into other activities.

Be careful that this doesn’t become a problem for you and Michael. Newlyweds, especially, often engage in such an exhilarating whirlwind of parties and other activities (not to mention jobs) that every night they fall asleep exhausted, but not really closer to each other as persons.

As time goes by, your lives will get even busier (especially when you have children) and there will be more obstacles to the leisurely, sweet intimacy that you now enjoy (and which should be preserved at all costs).

So now is the time to develop a deep I-Thou relationship between you and Michael, a relationship you’ll have to nurture as long as you live.  Your time for each other will gradually grow less, but don’t let your lack of time become an excuse for avoiding intimate talks between you.

Above all, never let your I-Thou encounters become limited to the sexual sphere, which ought always to be a manifestation of your spiritual union rather than the only common meeting you ever have.  Success in marriage isn’t so much a question of time as of loving longing.

Mother Teresa of Calcutta is certainly one of the busiest people on earth, yet she spends hours absorbed in prayer and loving contemplation of our Savior. It is here alone that she finds the spiritual and physical strength to face her crushing duties.

Similarly, throughout your marriage, you should try to reserve moments for you and Michael in which you forget everything else, talk to each other, concentrate exclusively on each other, and revivify your love.

In these moments, let Michael and your love for him be your great, all-absorbing theme. These intimate moments will increase your mutual devotion and bring you both deep happiness.  I keep you constantly in my prayers.

Love,  Lily

 

 

No one likes to be taken for granted. In any human relationship a little sign of appreciation goes a long way. Life does not have to be a hard pull uphill all the time. To know that someone, especially the one we love, values our efforts sends us off with our heads in the clouds. The wife who is wise enough to show her husband appreciation for all his efforts will keep his heart fixed upon her. – The Wife Desired, Fr. Leo Kinsella

You are the first to teach your children that lying , stealing, disobedience, anger and revenge are wrong…. ~The Catholic Family Handbook, Fr. Lawrence G. Lovasik

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A very beautiful book, worthy of our attention. In it, you will find many pearls of wisdom for a woman striving to be the heart of the home, an inspiration to all who cross her path. You will be inspired to reconsider the importance of your role of wife and mother! Written by Rev. Bernard O’Reilly in 1894, the treasures found within its pages ring true and remain timeless…

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“He Cracks His Knuckles Constantly.” -Alice von Hildebrand

19 Monday Apr 2021

Posted by Leanevdp in by Alice von Hildebrand, Marriage

≈ 4 Comments

From By Love Refined, Alice Von Hildebrand

Dear Julie,

Your irritation at Michael’s absentminded knuckle-cracking has my sympathy. It’s a small thing which it would be best to ignore, but small things sometimes get on our nerves.

(Be grateful that your problems are small: the kind that only get on your nerves but don’t shatter love. You’ve been fortunate to fall in love with a noble man who also loves you, and your union has none of the grave problems – such as brutality or infidelity – that afflict too many marriages.)

Still, even a good marriage has its problems. Now that you’re privileged to share in Michael’s intimate life, seeing him day and night, you’re becoming conscious of many of his odd traits – comical, clumsy, or irritating as they may be.

All of us, when examined under the microscope of daily living, reveal quirks of our own that strike others as strange or annoying.

One of my acquaintances had the habit of often scratching his head. One evening his wife remarked to us, “I never knew I was going to be married to an ape.” This wasn’t a very loving way of regarding his in-nocuous habit. It was unkind of her to ridicule her husband (especially in front of others) and it was doubly humiliating since this wound was inflicted by one who had the special mission of nurturing and protecting him. It could have been otherwise.

Marriage constantly offers opportunities which we can use for love or against love. Michael’s knuckle-cracking is just such an opportunity. When you isolate his habit and pay great attention to it, you mentally equate his personality with his mannerisms and begin to view him more as an object than as a person.

It’s a bit like taking a picture of someone when he happens to be yawning. During those few seconds, it’s true that he looks the way the picture represents him; but the actual yawn which lasts for only the twinkle of an eye has been prolonged by the photograph and therefore deformed and caricatured.

To see anyone “from the outside” is a lack of charity; to see the one you love from the outside is a kind of betrayal. For it belongs to the “pact of love” that you promise Michael (and he promises you) not to isolate single expressions or mannerisms from the totality of the other person — the totality you’ve seen so clearly in Michael precisely because he’s chosen to reveal it to you, and because you love him.

When you suspend your Tabor vision of Michael and look at him from the outside with the critical, unloving attitude of a stranger, the sweet intimacy between you is shattered. You’re no longer concerting with him in love; you’re conspiring against him.

That’s why a lover worthy of the name always strives to look beyond mannerisms and to see her beloved from within, against the background of his lovable personality. Through love’s intuition, she grasps her beloved in his depth.

I know you firmly intend to fight against the devastating tendency to see Michael from the outside, and to remain faithful to your Tabor vision of him. The more you succeed in this, the more Michael’s minor quirks will lose their irritating character and even grow some-what endearing to you.

With love,

Lily

“The desired wife has developed her personality before marriage and continues that development during marriage. By personality here I mean beauty of soul and all those qualities and accomplishments which go to make a person interesting and sought after. Personality will carry a girl a great deal further in life than physical beauty. In fact, without personality, beauty often tires one in married life. Some girls are born with physical beauty. None are born with personality. They must develop and cultivate it all the days of their lives.” – Fr. Leo Kinsella, The Wife Desired, 1950’s

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Women and Feelings (Part Two) – Alice von Hildebrand

21 Thursday Feb 2019

Posted by Leanevdp in by Alice von Hildebrand, Femininity vs Feminist, FF Tidbits

≈ 3 Comments

Painting by William Henry Margetson (1861–1940)

Part One is here.

from The Privilege of Being a Woman by Alice von Hildebrand

The liturgy of the Holy Church gives testimony to the role of the heart in religious life; she has blessed us with a litany to the Sacred Heart of Jesus. There is no litany dedicated to the divine intellect or the divine will.

When Christ in agony spoke the heart-breaking words —”I am thirsty” — the Holy One was thirsting for our love. The heart is where love resides. The heart needs to be vindicated and this can best be achieved by distinguishing between valid and invalid feelings, legitimate and illegitimate feelings, “baptized feelings and unbaptized ones.” Continue reading →

Women and Feelings (Part One) – Alice von Hildebrand

20 Wednesday Feb 2019

Posted by Leanevdp in by Alice von Hildebrand

≈ 2 Comments

Painting by Edmund Blair Leighton 1852-1922

Part Two is here.

from The Privilege of Being a Woman by Alice von Hildebrand

Feelings are often denigrated in homilies and in spiritual direction. Women are told that spiritual life is based not on emotions, but on faith, will, and rational thought.

If by feelings we mean the flow of irrational emotions that, like flies, keep swarming around us, this advice should be taken very seriously. No doubt feelings can be dangerous and misleading. Continue reading →

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