Before everything religion. Let all love well our good God; let all observe the commandments of God and the Church; let all say their prayers morning and night, let all put their trust in Divine Providence.
In the next place, union; let the members of the household be affectionate toward one another, having only one heart and one soul, not saying or doing anything that can pain any one of them.
Then again, the spirit of sacrifice; we must be ready to do without something in order to make another member of the family enjoy it, we must give up our own personal tastes to conform to the tastes of others.
Finally, pliancy of character; not to be hard to deal with, touchy, sour, proud; not to be obstinately rooted on one’s ideas, not to grow impatient about mere nothings, but to have a large mind and a generous heart.
The home of a family whose members possess these qualities is a paradise on earth.
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There are other things than merely food and clothing, which make up a a good home. Love and kindness are essential to a happy home; – not the mistaken love and the foolish kindness which give way to every selfish whim of childhood, but the patient, far-seeing virtues that look beyond the present to the child’s future life here and hereafter.
Children, particularly boys, need to be studied and understood. They need to be treated justly, but kindly.
The tolerant father and mother who try to understand their children are too few. They want to drive the boys, whereas they should rather try to lead them.
It is of very little use for parents to preach the virtues to children while they themselves disregard them.
If you would have children just and kind, well-mannered and truthful, be all these things yourself first. These virtues practiced by the parents, and insisted upon kindly and firmly from the children, are what go to make up that which truly deserves to be called “a good home.”
-The Sentinel of the Blessed Sacrament
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The Power of a Smile
An excellent remedy for “the blues” and preventive of dumpishness will be found in the suggestion, “Keep the corners of your mouth turned up”; in other words, keep a smile upon your lips, even when you are alone.
Try it. It acts like a charm, It keeps one in good spirits, and it drives the frown from other faces too. It acts like sunshine. It warms and brightens all it falls upon. A smile will suppress the angry retort that is dancing on the quivering lips. Smiling faces make a peaceful, happy home.
“True love gives strength of character and assists in the acquisition of self-control. It never takes advantage of another for the sake of personal gratification. To preserve bodily integrity before marriage, a young man must also possess some knowledge of women. Good and pure-minded women inspire respect and make the task of a young man easy, for he will have no difficulty in keeping the right distance.” – Father Lovasik, Clean Love in Courtship
A mother of eleven, grandmother of twenty-five discusses the dynamics of Catholic family life that helped them to form their children into God-fearing, joyful Catholics….
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A must-read for the married and those considering marriage! This guidebook to finding a happy marriage, keeping a happy marriage, and raising happy children has been out of print for over 50 years…until now! From the master of the spiritual life, Raoul Plus, S.J., it contains loads of practical and spiritual advice on family life. Have you been looking for a handbook on marriage and raising children that is based on truth? You’ve found it!
The saints assure us that simplicity is the virtue most likely to draw us closer to God and make us more like Him.
No wonder Jesus praised the little children and the pure of heart! In them, He recognized the goodness that arises from an untroubled simplicity of life, a simplicity which in the saints is completely focused on its true center, God.
That’s easy to know, simple to say, but hard to achieve.
For our lives are complicated and our personalities too. (We even make our prayers and devotions more complicated than they need be!)
In these pages, Fr. Raoul Plus provides a remedy for the even the most tangled lives.
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This book, The Catholic Teacher’s Companion, has been a real gem! It was written for teaching sisters and this excerpt touches on the mental state of a person and how it affects one’s physical health….
From The Catholic Teacher’s Companion, 1924
In his helpful book Health through Will Power, Dr. James J. Walsh has drawn attention to the surprising power of the will for preserving or recovering one’s health.
The author draws on his wide reading and long experience to prove that the simple exercise of natural will-power is all that is required to cure half the ills of life. All the “dreads” can be cured by scientifically strengthening the will, and recovery from such diseases as pneumonia and tuberculosis depends largely on the patient’s vigor of will.
He counsels the use of the saints’ ascesis, in hours of stress and strain, instead of the “good cry,” which, in his opinion, only weakens the character.
The teacher has a double duty to perform in this respect, one toward herself and another toward her pupils.
Professor La Rue therefore demands justly in his book Psychology for Teachers, that the teacher live a life of mental health in the presence of her pupils; she must daily show them a living example of a big, strong, purposeful, well-poised, good-humored, sympathetic soul.
To this end he gives the following rules of mental hygiene:
1. Look at life in the large. Take a big view of things.
2. Pursue a great purpose. Whoever seeks his own selfish will is traveling toward zero; but he who seeks to serve mankind and her God in the children, is facing toward infinity.
3. Practice mental hardening. Children should be taught to meet and conquer all their ordinary worries and troubles, and not to shun them.
4. Keep your poise. Many people fail because of over-anxiety lest they fail.
5. Form good mental habits:
I. Habits of the intellect:
(1) Planning: there should be an ideal for life, a plan for the year, a program for the day.
“The difficulty,” says Judd, speaking of over-worked teachers, in Genetic Psychology for Teachers, “is not so much in the fact that teachers have to think and plan, as that they come to their work in a state of mental confusion and excitement which renders any task difficult.”
(2) Concentration, unit-mindedness, the one-thing-at-a-time attitude, distinguishes the master mind. Work when you work and play when you play. One must concentrate on recreation as well as on work.
Don’t spoil your game or your walk by carrying all through it a load of anxious thought.
And on going to bed, learn to turn off consciousness as you do your electric light.
Observe that the child in school is prevented from planning the larger features of his work, and that school conditions often favor distraction rather than concentration.
It is sad to think how many children are probably contracting bad mental habits in school.
II. Emotional health requires that we kill off the feelings that are bad for us and practice those that are good for us.
There is reason to believe that a large proportion, if not the major portion, of those who lose their positions do not lack either intellect or skill, but emotional control.
Many are egocentric, paranoid, have too much self-feeling; others are emotionally unstable; and still others, emotionally weak.
One’s prevailing mental state should be that of happiness and humor. It is surprising to find how much can be accomplished by just setting the mind to be happy whatever the circumstances.
Humor is like an application of mental massage which flushes out fatigue poisons and limbers one up all through. It lets loose the tensity of mental currents. The mind seems to relax, straighten up from its work, and take a long, fresh breath.
III. Quiet but effective determination must keep the mental machine running smoothly, rousing us to kill off some thoughts and feelings and promote others.
God’s grace coupled with natural will-power can accomplish wonders with a frail body.
Almost every Religious Order has cases similar to that of the Master General of the Dominicans, Father Cormier, who being professed as a preparation for death, outlived all his fellow-novices, and having joined the Order to efface himself, was from the beginning put upon the candlestick to be a light for his brethren.
But even the confirmed invalid has a real mission to perform in the Religious Community.
Canon Sheehan contended that there should be an invalid and an incurable one in every Religious Community, if only to bring God nearer to the Brothers or Sisters in His great love.
“Every effort we make to forget self, to leave self behind us, and to devote ourselves to the labor of making every person with whom we are bound to live, happy, is rewarded by interior satisfaction and joy. The supreme effort of goodness is,—not alone to do good to others; that is its first and lower effect,—but to make others good.” Rev. Bernard O’Reilly The Mirror of True Womanhood, 1893 https://amzn.to/2o35uN3 (afflink)
Lecture on protecting your family from the neo-pagan society that we live in today. How to do that? Music, books, stories, liturgy, etc. are answers…..
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Women historically have been denigrated as lower than men or viewed as privileged. Dr. Alice von Hildebrand characterizes the difference between such views as based on whether man’s vision is secularistic or steeped in the supernatural. She shows that feminism’s attempts to gain equality with men by imitation of men is unnatural, foolish, destructive, and self-defeating. The Blessed Mother’s role in the Incarnation points to the true privilege of being a woman. Both virginity and maternity meet in Mary who exhibits the feminine gifts of purity, receptivity to God’s word, and life-giving nurturance at their highest.
You’ll learn how to grow in wisdom and in love as you encounter the unglamorous, everyday problems that threaten all marriages. As the author says: If someone were to give me many short bits of wool, most likely I would throw them away. A carpet weaver thinks differently. He knows the marvels we can achieve by using small things artfully and lovingly. Like the carpet weaver, the good wife must be an artist of love. She must remember her mission and never waste the little deeds that fill her day the precious bits of wool she s been given to weave the majestic tapestry of married love.
This remarkable book will show you how to start weaving love into the tapestry of your marriage today, as it leads you more deeply into the joys of love.
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by Fr. Narciso Irala, S.J., Mental Efficiency Without Fatigue
ENTHUSIASM
If feelings have so great an influence in arousing and maintaining attention because of the interest they call forth, the same may be said even more forcefully of the emotions, since, according to many psychologists, emotions are only an intensification of feelings or sentiments.
Interest, which is such a help to mental work, is transformed into enthusiasm when it reaches the level of emotion, the whole organism being strongly involved. Then it produces a greater vitality and energy, a greater concentration of attention, a greater pleasure, a greater perseverance in effort.
It is proper to all emotions to limit the field of attention by cutting off any other thought in order to concentrate on the emotional focal point.
When someone is afraid of an impending evil, he can hardly think of anything else; the lover cannot avert his thoughts from the person he loves; on making a new discovery, the researcher feels such a thrill of joy and hope that his attention can hardly be drawn away.
When the adolescent, emerging from the egocentricity of childhood, discovers social, patriotic, or religious values, he sets himself an ideal outside of himself and greater than himself. He will then feel untold enthusiasm in the pursuit of his studies and, as a result, greater energy will help him attain this ideal.
It is the beginning of a new life, the dawn of a great day. Everything seems feasible because of his ideal. It is emotion which has thus entered into play.
Ideal = Emotion = Enthusiasm
This trio is all one or, rather, its members constitute the ideological and physiological causes with their psychic effect. There is another corresponding trio:
Concentration = Efficiency = Joy
Let Us Choose Our Ideal
Let us, then, set before ourselves a great objective for our whole lives, a goal toward which we can clearly and constantly aim. In pursuit of this great, clearly conceived ideal there will spontaneously develop an intense and enduring inclination—sensitive and, at the same time, spiritual—toward that goal which satisfies all our aspirations.
The emotional machinery will be set in motion within us, and in the developing of extraordinary energy each of the following will take part: the hypothalamus in our middle brain, the sympathetic nervous system, and the pituitary and suprarenal gland with their wealth of hormones.
That noble ideal will give unity, harmony, vigor, and a sense of fulfilment to our lives, increasing the physical and psychic perfection of our acts. Unity of thought and desire will put an end to parasitic ideas, will facilitate concentration, and will give to work and study the maximum pleasure and efficiency.
Working with but a single thought is not tiring; since it is agreeable, it also helps us rest. For this reason, an ideal which makes us think constantly of what we greatly desire is a source of peace and joy.
That is the reason why, in a nervous breakdown, an effort is made to discover the patient’s attractions or ideals in order to help him rest. This ideal should not be utopian, but suited to our aptitudes and personality; nor should it be at odds with our Supreme God, the last end of man, for in this case there will be a lack of unity which in the long run will be an evil.
The ideal should also be practical of attainment at every moment; in a word, it should help to make us live the present moment with unity and fullness. This gives true happiness.
Establish a Relationship between Our Ideal and Our Work
An undergraduate in Sao Paolo, Brazil, confided this problem to me. He had failed his Latin examination three times and hated the course. I asked him: ‘Have you any goal for your future life?’
`Yes,’ he answered, ‘I should like to be an orator and a writer. I want to help free my country from those villains who govern it only for their own benefit.’
`That is a wonderful ideal,’ I answered, ‘but don’t you see that the best models of oratory and poetry are to be found in Latin literature? Besides, Portuguese is a Romance language, and you will never discover all its treasures unless you know the language from which it is derived—Latin.’
When he began to connect the light and splendor of his golden ideal with this dreaded study of Latin, he not only became interested, but grew so enthusiastic about Latin that in the following examination he received a most respectable grade.
Every educator or speaker, once he knows what he is going to teach, should devote as much time as possible to find methods of arousing interest and enthusiasm in his listeners by appealing to their feelings and emotions.
For our own part, once we have discovered our ideal and have made it concrete, we should summarize it in a few words, so that we can keep it constantly in mind. In this manner, we shall find new life, strength, pleasure, constancy and efficiency.
And St. Francis De Sales says: “The measure of Divine Providence acting on us is the degree of confidence that we have in it.” This is where the problem lies. Many do not believe in Providence because they’ve never experienced it, but they’ve never experienced it because they’ve never jumped into the void and taken the leap of faith. They never give it the possibility to intervene. They calculate everything, anticipate everything, they seek to resolve everything by counting on themselves, instead of counting on God. -Fr. Jacques Philippe, Searching For and Maintaining Peace
What are the stages of courtship? What are the goals in it? How do we do this?
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Salvation and spiritual perfection should not be sought haphazardly; a strategy is needed to win the battle for our souls.
The Spiritual Combat, first published in 1589, provides timeless guidance in spiritual discipline. St. Francis de Sales (1576-1622) read from it himself every day and recommended it to everyone under his direction.
Vigorous, realistic and full of keen insight into human nature, The Spiritual Combat consists of short chapters based on the maxim that in the spiritual life one must either “fight or die”. Fr. Scupoli shows the Christian how to combat his passions and vices, especially impurity and sloth, in order to arrive at victory.
The Way of Trust and Love A Retreat Guided By St. Thérèse of Lisieux Jacques Philippe St. Thérèse of Lisieux sought a new way to Heaven: “a little way that is quite straight, quite short: a completely new little way.” Blessed with personal limitations that might have discouraged another, Thérèse believed God would not have given her a desire for holiness if He did not intend for her to achieve it. She learned to humbly accept herself as she was and trust completely in God’s love. First given as a retreat by renowned author Father Jacques Philippe, The Way of Trust and Love navigates excerpts of St. Thérèse’s writings phrase by phrase, extracting powerful, resonating insights. To Thérèse, the journey seemed “little” as she traveled it. A hundred and fifteen years after her death, the message of the young saint and Doctor of the Church has traveled around the world inspiring millions. With this newly translated study of her spirituality, many today will rediscover—or find for the first time—the relevance of “the little way,” in all seasons of life. Fr. Jacques Philippe is well-known for his books on prayer and spirituality. A member of the Community of the Beatitudes, he regularly preaches retreats in France and abroad. He also spends much of his time giving spiritual direction and working for the development of the Community in Asia and Oceania where he travels frequently.
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It all began in a cafe, like so many of the meaningful moments in my life. He and I were sitting together over a grande latte in the newly-opened coffee shop at the Green Hills Mall when my dear friend Susan walked in.
My face lit up as soon as I spotted her. She and I had only known each other for a short time, but we’d made an immediate connection the minute we met…Soul-sisters.
Our young family had recently moved to Nashville and I’d felt rather alone up until then. Being with her was like a breath of fresh air to me.
So I shot her my sunniest smile, “Hey, girlfriend! C’mon over!”
A big hug before both of us began bubbling over with all the latest news. I complimented her on her new dress. I told her how much I liked the way she was wearing her hair. I thanked her for the book she’d lent me and emphasized how glad I was to see her!
At some point, I noticed how subdued my husband had become. I waited until she’d left us, then asked him what was up. Something was clearly on his mind. I could tell that much.
He said it so softly, I barely heard him. “I wish you’d do that for me.”
“Okay, I don’t mean to be difficult… but do what??”
“Light up with a sweet smile. Speak kindly and say nice things.”
No further explanation was needed. I knew EXACTLY what he was talking about. And he was right. I was all smiles for Susan. Saved my grumpies for him. Rarely bothered with the niceties anymore. Not particularly gracious or polite.
In all honesty? I didn’t offer too much of this kind of thing to my husband. He was supposed to love me “just the way I was”. No frills or syrup for him.
But how hurtful for him to see me put on my “sweet face” for everyone else—everyone except the man to whom I’d pledged my lifelong love. Here I was handing out the big smiles and warm compliments to my new friend….and dribbling out the tired frowns and whiny complaints to him. There’s something not quite right about that.
Now don’t feel badly if you’re cringing. I was cringing too. Somewhat sickened, really….Definitely convicted.
So, girlfriend, that’s what got me thinking…. If we’re putting on our brightest smiles for our sisters… If we’re saving our warmest words for our friends…. If we’re sharing our kindest thoughts with the girls….
Then we might want to consider how hard it must be for him to watch. Maybe he doesn’t mention it, but my guess is that he’d appreciate some of that warmth and kindness shown to him too.
So even if he’s around most every day, why not light up when he walks in the room? Tell him how handsome he’s looking today…. How glad you are to see him. A big hug and maybe a bit more. Put on your sweet face and say nice things.
Be like a breath of fresh air to him.
Be a kind wife.
“Home should not be just a place. Rather, it must be THE place. All else should be ‘outside.’ Home should be the center of activities and interests. It was built for births, courtship, marriage, and death. It is maintained so that children might grow, trained by precept and example – so that they will develop spiritually, mentally, and emotionally, just as they do physically.”
– Fr. Lawrence G. Lovasik. The Catholic Family Handbook
“Do not try to remake your husband. Prize your own individuality and put up with his…”
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Dear Young Lady, You are at a very important crossroad in your life. In the next short while your vocation will be settled and you will roll up your sleeves and fulfill God’s will in that role. This will, ultimately, be your means to happiness in this life and in the next.
The decisions you make in this short interim before that will greatly affect your whole life.
While you are waiting for God to manifest His will to you, you want to increase your inner happiness right where you are at, not waiting to be happy AFTER you find your vocation!
That is where this journal comes in. All of the quotes deal with your time in life….whether it is courtship, religious vocations, modesty and just a better spiritual life in general.
You will be disciplined in the next 30 days to write down positive, thankful thoughts in this journal. You will be thinking about good memories, special moments, things and people you are grateful for, etc.
This will help you to work on that inner happiness that needs to be developed even before you find your vocation. Now is the time to improve your life!
With his facile pen and from the wealth of his nation-wide experience, the well-known author treats anything and everything that might be included under the heading of home education: the pre-marriage training of prospective parents, the problems of the pre-school days down through the years of adolescence. No topic is neglected. “What is most praiseworthy is Fr. Lord’s insistence throughout that no educational agency can supplant the work that must be done by parents.” – Felix M. Kirsch, O.F.M. https://amzn.to/2T06u28 (afflink)
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The July day was sunny, the scent of petunias wafted in the air. The air was cooling off a bit and the breeze softly wafted through the branches of the trees. Summer was at its peak.
But Helen was not enjoying the breeze or the flowers.
Helen was tired. Not for any particular reason. Yes, it was summer, the kids were done with their home school and, instead of life slowing down, things seemed to have sped up.
June and July had been particularly hot, they didn’t have a pool, so the children spent time indoors during the heat of the day. Without the schedule of school, mayhem seemed to reign with more frequency than Helen liked.
Helen’s husband, Mark, was working lots of hours. Summer was the time his work became very demanding because he was in the construction field. So he was not around much to help out. And when he got home he was tired and even cranky at times.
“Such is life,” Helen sighed. Lately, things hadn’t been working out the way she had imagined. Instead of enjoying the so-called “lazy days of summer” she was fighting inner turmoil. She was struggling through the days, battling thoughts of self-pity and complaining.
“Why can’t the kids be quiet now on again?”
“Dirty diapers, dishes, it’s discouraging,” she thought. “And life is only going to get more and more hectic as the years go by. I just don’t know if I can do this!”
This day had been particularly trying so when rosary time came around, amid the slouching children and wriggling baby, she implored Our Lady to help her.
The next day Helen woke up with a terrific pain in her side that didn’t want to leave. It was debilitating so she had to call in a babysitter to take over.
That night was sleepless. The next day, after a doctor’s appointment, she started an antibiotic for a bladder infection.
The antibiotic didn’t work so another one was tried. That one alleviated some of the symptoms for a short while but they came back with a vengeance.
The next couple of weeks were harder than ever for Helen. The worst part was the worry. She didn’t know what this mysterious pain was and, since they didn’t have insurance, she wasn’t going to run in and have a bunch of tests done. At least not right away.
So she was stuck worrying. What happens if it was something really bad? She’d find herself looking at her kids and imagine leaving them to fend for themselves in a crazy world.
When her husband came home, her thoughts wandered to whether he would be left alone… If this was something that could actually take her life? She pushed a lot of those thoughts away but with her melancholic nature, they kept creeping back.
After a very bad night, finally, Helen went back to the doctor….this time a different doctor. He heard all the symptoms and told her that it sounded like she was just trying to pass a kidney stone.
This was news to Helen! She didn’t understand why the first doctor didn’t spot that?
Her step was a little lighter as she left the doctor’s office even though she still had pain. She got home and drank lots and lots of lemon water and took hydrangea tincture.
Within a few of days, she passed that kidney stone and was feeling much better!
The pain was gone, but the best part was that the worry was gone! With all the imaginings of her having a dread disease she had been tied up in knots!
Now that she knew things were OK, her heart filled with joy and thanksgiving!
The following days things began to get back to normal – hectic life came back full force.
But Helen’s heart had changed, indeed!
It still wasn’t easy to drag herself out of bed in the morning, but her heart was filled with thanksgiving because she could actually get up and take care of her children. Were the children any quieter? No. But she appreciated the laughter and the noise instead of always fighting against it. Did hubby come home earlier? No. But she was grateful that her husband had the work that he did and was not upset that he wasn’t around to help.
Her heart sang as she did the dishes.
She still got impatient, things weren’t flawless, but Helen was seeing things through different eyes.
She thought back on that evening when she implored Our Lady, during the rosary, to help her. She realized how much she had helped – maybe not in the way she had wanted or expected but it didn’t matter. She knew it was a gift right from her Mother‘s hands!
The summer days passed quickly. There were many joys in between the rough spots. Helen had learned a lesson. She hoped it would stick. She prayed it would stick.
Those weeks when things got rather dark for her taught her something special besides being grateful for the daily grind. She made up her mind that she would thank God for her crosses as she was going through them, knowing that He had the best possible plan in mind for her and that good would come from them.
It also came home to her that each new day was a gift. She would work hard at tuning her mind into that at the beginning of the day so that when the day ramped up she would have a spirit of gratefulness in spite of everything else.
As Helen sat outside in the early autumn breeze of the evening, amidst the floating aroma of the petunias, she thought to herself, “Indeed, it has been a very productive summer!”
Is it all about being right when we are having a disagreement? Do we need to be on the defensive each time we feel he is being unreasonable? That only seems fair, doesn’t it? Well, go ahead. But your relationship will suffer. It is more important, not that you “win” or that you always come out feeling like you gave the last verbal punch. Like Our Lord, we win through kindness and meekness. What it comes down to is: Do you want to be RIGHT or do you want to be HAPPY? “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you!” www.finerfem.com
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Father talks about how important our duties of our vocation are, that they are the will of God for us, we need look no further. He touches on the specific duties of each of our different walks of life….
Anger can express itself through silence. The silence that anger sometimes adopts as an offensive weapon is not to be confused with the silence that should be employed to keep oneself from violent expressions of anger. A person who is often tempted to hasty and intemperate speech can cure that defect only by learning to be silent when the fury of anger is upon him.
Angry silence takes the form of pouting. It is a silence that bristles, that charges an atmosphere with tension. It is usually a prolonged silence that refuses to take part even in the most trivial conversation. Introspective, sensitive, and moody persons find themselves especially tempted to show their anger in this way, as the following questions will reveal.
1. I have been hurt or angered by someone. I know that harsh words would be an ineffective response. Do I therefore show my anger by withdrawing into a shell and refusing to say anything for a period of time?
2. Have I at times lapsed into an aggrieved silence over some fancied injury, only to find out afterward that the one who provoked my anger was utterly unaware of what it was that upset me?
3. When angry at someone, do I make him (or her) feel it by showing absolutely no interest in anything, not even in things that are ordinarily my favorite topics or activities?
4. If accused of pouting, do I adopt an attitude of woebegone sadness, and answer every attempt to shake me out of it with ‘I don’t care’ or ‘Just leave me alone’?
There is little hope that the ‘pouter’ will overcome his bad habit unless he faces the fact that his temperament inclines him to take offense where none is intended and then, hopeless of making others repent in any other way, to lapse into an unmistakably aggrieved or angry silence. Such persons can remain free from the fault of angry silence only when they learn to make allowances both for the shortcomings of others and for their own touchy sensitiveness.
7. IRRITABILITY
Irritability is the flaw of character whereby people permit themselves to be unpleasant, curt, and ill-mannered with others for no other reason than that they do not happen to be feeling just right. Irritability manifests itself when nothing has been said or done that could possibly be taken as an offence. When a person is in an irritable mood, it is impossible to say anything to him that will not occasion grumbling and unkindness.
Everyone is exposed to the irritability of others from time to time, and every such experience should make one more determined not to permit this fault to appear in one’s own conduct. Ask yourself these questions and see if you show signs of irritability.
1. When someone asks you an innocent question, is your response unnecessarily sharp, mean, or critical of the questioner?
2. As a parent, an employer, or a person in authority do you speak harshly to those for whom you are responsible, even when they are doing everything correctly?
3. When a little mistake is made or when a person somehow bothers or disturbs you in some small matter, do you respond in a way that is totally out of proportion to the action that has taken place? Irritable people make many smooth excuses for their weakness. Some say that it is due to their nerves, which are in bad shape. Others attribute it to high blood pressure or low blood pressure or insomnia or indigestion. Still others say that their unpleasantness with those around them is due to the fact that they have so many worries and responsibilities that they cannot be expected to show a consideration toward the feelings of other people.
All such excuses are just that – excuses. Irritability signifies a lack of personal control and an inability to subject one’s feelings to the demands of charity. There is no reason for a person to display signs of irritability. Like any other form of anger, it must be brought under control and not allowed to grow. So, stop making excuses.
One who is often cross and unpleasant with others for no apparent reason needs to come face to face with the fact that he is thinking too much of himself. The irritable person forgets that the other person has feelings, too, and does not like to be shouted at or abused for no reason at all.
8. TAKING REVENGE
With some people, anger expresses itself in attempts to take revenge on the one who occasioned it. There is a wide variety of ways in which this may be done, from attempts to do grave bodily harm to the person, to scheming attempts to make the person suffer some form of retribution. Many will find themselves subject to seeking revenge in one of the following forms, some of which can be serious sins.
1. If someone angers me, do I seek revenge by running that person down in my conversation with others, revealing his secret faults, perhaps even exaggerating them and lying about them?
2. After a quarrel with my spouse do I speak uncharitably about him (or her) to my children or my own blood relatives?
3. Do I try to alienate the friends of someone with whom I am angry, by making that person appear to be unworthy of their friendship or trust?
4. Do I attempt to take revenge on my spouse when I have been angered, by refusing to fulfill the duties of marriage or to carry on with my essential tasks?
5. Do I try to take revenge on a person who, I think, has injured me, by spoiling his chances for advancement or recognition?
One who invariably seeks to take revenge against another has an exaggerated or wrong sense of justice, and no regard for Christian charity at all. Christ dramatically insisted not only that his followers are not to strike back at those who injure them but that when they are struck on one cheek, they should turn and offer the other (See Mt 5:38-39). This was one of his forceful ways of saying that revenge is sinful. So, develop true Christian charity.
9. HATRED
Hatred is the final, fixed, and spiritually fatal outcome of undisciplined anger. Hatred is persevering bad will. It is the deliberate crystallizing of one’s anger into a state of total dislike. Hatred is not to be confused with involuntary dislike or antipathy for a certain person. Everybody experiences this feeling at times but it is not sinful when it is successfully concealed.
Hatred is not involuntary. It is a will act whereby one, both internally and externally, surrenders to acts of enmity toward another. These questions reveal the presence of hatred in a person.
1. Do I find myself deliberately fostering the desire to hurt, or to see hurt seriously, the one who has injured me?
2. Do I deliberately rejoice in the serious misfortunes that befall my enemy, and wish they would be multiplied? Do I even want him to be condemned to hell?
3. When I pray, do I deliberately try to exclude my enemy in my prayers which I know I am bound to say for all men? Worse, do I ask God to send great problems and misfortunes into the life of this person?
4. Do I show my hatred by refusing even to say hello to my enemy, either when we meet alone or in the presence of others? Does this go on for a considerable period of time?
One who has fallen into hatred of another must be made mindful of the fact that deliberately to hate a fellow human being is similar to hating God who is present within that person. He is inviting God’s condemnation on himself. Every time he says the Our Father, he asks God to forgive his trespasses as he forgives others. He asks God’s pardon only in the measure he is willing to forgive those who have wronged him. No matter how great the injury or injustice received, the offending person still must be forgiven. The remedy for overcoming hatred is to pray the Lord’s Prayer and really mean it.
CONCLUSION
It should now be clear that anger can be expressed in many forms. It can be spoken in angry or sarcastic words. Nagging or quarreling are especially divisive forms of anger. It can be expressed in a mood like irritability or in the silence of pouting. It can also be physically demonstrated through violent actions. Revenge and hatred are often the most extreme forms of anger.
To allow oneself to exhibit any of these forms of anger is bad. It is a sign of a flaw in one’s character and personality. More devastating than the effects on the person himself are the evil effects that anger can have on other people. Anger destroys harmony in the home. It can endanger peace in a neighborhood, a city, country, or even in the world. Angry people cause problems wherever they go – on the job, in a meeting, or at a party.
Anger is also a stumbling block on the road to Christian perfection. For some people it is just a small obstacle. For others it is a major stumbling block. Either way a person must work diligently each day and in every human situation to remedy this great problem of anger. With hard work and the ever-present assistance of God’s grace, this problem can be remedied. Unnecessary and unreasonable anger can be stopped.
“Blessed is the home where unkind speech does not enter, nor cursing, nor bad literature, nor intemperance, for on that home will be heaped the blessings of peace.” – Fr. Lawrence Lovasik
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To the modern mind, the concept of poverty is often confused with destitution. But destitution emphatically is not the Gospel ideal. A love-filled sharing frugality is the message, and Happy Are You Poor explains the meaning of this beatitude lived and taught by Jesus himself. But isn’t simplicity in lifestyle meant only for nuns and priests? Are not all of us to enjoy the goodness and beauties of our magnificent creation? Are parents to be frugal with the children they love so much?
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The following thoughts will consider various ways in which anger is expressed and the remedies to be applied. Self-examination questions are provided. Let these become the means by which you will resolve to conquer your own personal tendencies to anger.
1. ANGRY WORDS
The most common form of anger is that of harsh, loud, strident, intemperate words. Question yourself as to whether you may be guilty in any of the following things:
1. Do I find myself raising my voice to anything from a shout to a scream when I feel upset or unnerved by something that is said or done to hurt my feelings?
2. Do I catch myself saying harsh and bitter things without pausing to think of the meaning of what I am saying, then afterward regretting what I said? ‘I hate you.’ ‘I wish I were dead.’ ‘I wish you had never been born.’
3. Do I use profanity or vulgar and obscene words when I am angry, obviously wanting to shock and hurt those who cross me?
4. Do I make accusations against others that I know I have no right to make when I feel resentful against them?
There is only one remedy for the intemperate language one is tempted to use in anger. That remedy is silence. One has to learn the art of saying nothing at all when one knows that anything said will hurt another in some way. A mother tempted to anger against her children should train herself to keep silence for 30 seconds when she feels on the verge of screaming at them, and in that time she should say a little prayer for patience. Then she may give orders and correct the children, and she will do so reasonably and effectively.
2. SARCASTIC WORDS
Anger does not always take the form of loud and violent language. Sometimes it speaks quietly, but its quiet is that of a knife cutting into the very heart of another. Sarcasm is the weapon that anger often uses in these cases. See whether you have used it.
1. Do I speak with scornful exaggeration of the virtues of my wife or husband or children when I am angry at one of them? ‘Of course you know it all.’ ‘Of course you can do no wrong.’ ‘Of course you’re perfect and never commit a fault.’
2. Do I refer sarcastically to what other people have and what I might have if I were not tied down to this home when my anger boils over? ‘What a fool I was for not marrying somebody else!’ ‘Other wives (or husbands) have something to say in their own homes; but I’m just a servant without getting paid for it.’
3. Do I belittle the actions of another person whose efforts are better than mine? His success has made me angry and so I must strike back and cut down his achievements. ‘That’s a good job but with all those years of experience you should be able to do better than that.’ ‘You think that’s good. If I had your talents I’d really be able to go places.’
Sarcasm is very often motivated by pride. Someone is better than we are and we are angered to see them get ahead of us. In our anger we attempt to cut them down and build ourselves up. To avoid sarcasm we need humility and honesty. We must accept ourselves as we are and not become angered by those who are better.
3. VIOLENT ACTIONS
The tendency of unrestrained anger is to hurt the person who has aroused the anger. In some people the tendency has been so little restrained that it seeks to hurt not only by words but by actions. Violence is one of the worst forms that anger can take and may, if serious injury is attempted or done to another, constitute a serious sin. Search your soul for this weakness.
1. When angry at my children, do I strike them in a fury of passion that reveals a willingness to hurt them severely?
2. Have I ever used cruel and inhuman instruments of punishment in my anger, which could easily do serious or lasting damage?
3. Have I ever left marks, bruises, cuts, disfigurements on another as a result of attacking that person in my anger?
4. Do I throw things, kick things, break things, in giving way to my anger, thus destroying valuable property besides trying to hurt the person who aroused my anger?
A person who permits anger to be displayed in the form of violent actions against another person reveals himself as a person with very little self-control. For a violent person to change he must adopt a rigorous program of self-discipline. He will have to use all his strength to keep himself under control rather than allowing this force to be turned against another person in an angry display of violent action.
4. QUARRELING
Anger leads not only to sudden and momentary outbursts of harsh and cutting language and violent deeds; it is also responsible for protracted quarrels. We mean quarrels, not in the sense of fistfights or physical encounters, but in the sense of angry altercations that may go on for long periods of time. Husbands and wives as well as brothers and sisters may find them-selves addicted to quarreling. This can also be a problem at work, in school, or wherever people gather to talk. Here are some questions to ask yourselves.
1. If somebody states that I am wrong in holding a certain opinion, do I argue long and loud, less concerned with truth than with browbeating the one who disagrees with me?
2. If I am gently (or even harshly) corrected for something I have done or said, do I go into a tantrum of self-defense and accusation against the one who corrected me, until we are both shouting about the faults we dislike in each other?
3. Do I start quarrels by saying things that I know are certain to arouse the ire of another, with the result that we usually end up in a torrent of counter-charges?
Common sense, combined with just a bit of fraternal charity, should enable one to avoid quarreling. Common sense reveals that angry quarreling is about the most useless thing we can engage in. A good, honest, intellectual discussion with some-one is profitable, even though it grows warm at times. Quarreling always centers around personalities, and its arguments are inspired by passion and pride rather than reason. It never convinces anybody of anything, and only leaves lingering bitterness in its wake. Charity demands that a person try to say nothing that will aggravate another, and that, if unwittingly he has said something that has that effect, he withdraw from the argument immediately. It takes two to quarrel; one is enough to stop a quarrel.
5. NAGGING
Anger can explode, and anger can simmer and sputter for days or weeks, even sometimes for years. The nagger is the person whose anger takes the form of constant complaining, repeated statements of his (or her) grievances, ever-recurring expressions of spite and resentment. The chronic complainer, the person who is never satisfied, would also fit into this category. When nagging and complaining enter into a household, peace and comfort fly out the window. Some people do not know that they are naggers, but they will know it if they honestly answer these questions.
1. Do I have one particular grievance (e.g., against my husband, that ‘he does not make enough money,’ or against my wife, that ‘she spends too much money’) to which I give expression in petulant or accusing language at least once every day?
2. Whenever the least bit of difference, an argument, or misunderstanding arises do I find that I inevitably bring up a long past fault or mistake of the other, which I have mentioned at least a thousand times before?
3. Do I find that I rarely go through one full day without complaining to my wife (or husband) about something that I don’t like in her (or him)?
Nagging is one of the infallible signs of self-pity and a lack of that wholesome generosity of spirit that alone makes full forgiveness of the shortcomings of another possible. Naggers defend themselves on the ground that anybody would complain who had to bear the terrible things inflicted on them by another. They are right in that anybody with as small and pinched a spirit as theirs, and as great a devotion to their own superiority, would always find some-thing to complain about. To get out of that class of small souls, the nagger needs to learn the spirit of humility, gratitude, and forgiveness.
To be continued…..
“Keep a hobby and ride it with enthusiasm. It will keep you out of mischief, to say the least; it will keep you cheerful. Here as in all things you can apply the Ad Majorem Dei Gloriam (for the greater glory of God).” – Fr. Lasance, My Prayer Book
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A mother of eleven, grandmother of forty-one discusses the dynamics of Catholic family life that helped them to form their children into God-fearing, joyful Catholics…
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Penal Rosaries! Penal rosaries and crucifixes have a wonderful story behind them. They were used during the times when religious objects were forbidden and it was illegal to be Catholic. Being caught with a rosary could mean imprisonment or worse. A penal rosary is a single decade with the crucifix on one end and, oftentimes, a ring on the other. When praying the penal rosary you would start with the ring on your thumb and the beads and crucifix of the rosary in your sleeve, as you moved on to the next decade you moved the ring to your next finger and so on and so forth. This allowed people to pray the rosary without the fear of being detected.
Women historically have been denigrated as lower than men or viewed as privileged. Dr. Alice von Hildebrand characterizes the difference between such views as based on whether man’s vision is secularistic or steeped in the supernatural. She shows that feminism’s attempts to gain equality with men by imitation of men is unnatural, foolish, destructive, and self-defeating. The Blessed Mother’s role in the Incarnation points to the true privilege of being a woman. Both virginity and maternity meet in Mary who exhibits the feminine gifts of purity, receptivity to God’s word, and life-giving nurturance at their highest.
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This remarkable book will show you how to start weaving love into the tapestry of your marriage today, as it leads you more deeply into the joys of love.
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Long before a child has gone to school and learned to read and write, he has learned much about anger. No doubt he has seen parents displaying anger toward each other and to other adults.
At times this adult anger has been directed toward the child himself. The young child has seen expressions of anger among his playmates. Most likely he has also demonstrated his childhood ability to become very angry in certain situations.
A newly ordained priest will have to spend only a short time in the confessional before he realizes how universal a problem anger really is. Brothers and sisters confess angrily fighting with one another. Husbands and wives release feelings of anger toward the person they should love the most.
Beyond the family there are displays of anger throughout the community and in the business world. Neighbors can’t get along. Employers are angered by their workers. Employees become upset with their employers.
Anger is one of the biggest problems in daily living. It harms not only the angry person himself but it inflicts pain on many others as well. There are few vices that are more widespread yet are so readily excused and defended. People can think of a hundred reasons to get angry and hundreds more to justify the anger they have shown.
Anger crops up everywhere. Husband and wife find themselves expressing impatience and anger toward each other. Parents react angrily toward their children and brothers and sisters toward one another. Anger then reaches outside the home to include relatives, neighbors, and fellow-workers.
Just as a person grows in size and image, so too does one’s anger grow. An angry little boy grows up to find himself with a man-sized anger. Anger never remains at the same level. It grows. Unchecked, anger can begin to rule a person completely.
From the start it should be noted that there is an important distinction to be made between feelings of anger and sins of anger.
Every human being in the world, except perhaps the rare few who are so temperamentally pliable and unassertive that they want peace at all costs, will at some time feel impatient with others or be tempted to a bitter or angry retort or be carried away by interior feelings of resentment toward someone.
Such feelings are not sinful if they are kept from appearing in one’s external conduct in any way or from becoming a deliberate desire that the other person be hurt in some way as a result of one’s anger. To avoid sins of anger takes a great deal of self-discipline and the help of God’s grace.
The sin of anger is chiefly a sin of expression; a person manifests ill will toward another person. It can be momentary or it can last a lifetime. It could even be a sin if the anger were not expressed but just remained a firm desire.
There is a sharp distinction to be made between the sin of anger and reasonable, forceful attempts to correct others who are subject to one’s authority. Recall the proper anger of Christ as he made a whip and chased the money changers out of the temple turning over their stands and tables (See Jn 2:13-17).
Remember also the strong words of Jesus when Peter was showing his pride and his ignorance as Jesus spoke of his own death. (See Mk 9:33 where Jesus says, ‘Get behind me, Satan.’)
Anger is actually defined as the disordered desire to correct or punish someone. It may be disordered because the correction or punishment administered is clearly motivated by passion or fury. It could also be wrong if the methods used (mental cruelty, cursing, physical abuse, violence, etc.) are sinful in themselves and capable of doing more harm than good.
The duty of correcting others is carried out only when reason, not passion, motivates the action. The words and actions used must be designed to help and not hurt the person being corrected.
Once these initial distinctions have been made about the problem of anger, several forms of anger can be noted. They include thoughts, words, and actions. Most of them are slight faults.
Even in anger, people do not often intend to seriously hurt the one who has provoked them. Yet there are cases where the anger is either so intense or so prolonged that it can be quite a serious matter.
The fact that many of these faults of anger are not serious should not lessen the desire to overcome them. If these simple faults go unchecked, they are sure to grow and could lead to serious sins.
It is offenses like these that destroy the peace and harmony of the home, that strain relationships with relatives, that disrupt the smooth running of a business, and that divide the local community.
“Modern mothers have been relying on psychology books to interpret child behavior for so long now that if all the psychology books were burned to a crisp, few mothers could relax with the conviction that God’s love, the maternal instinct, and divine grace could take their place. What we all — little or big — want is God; if we do not realize it, however, we choose many ignoble things in His place. And if we want to teach children to be good with a goodness that’s lasting, we must teach them to be good for the love of God.” Mary Reed Newland, How to Raise Good Catholic Children, 1954
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In the words of this humble seventeenth-century lay Carmelite, “we must trust God once and for all and abandon ourselves to Him alone.” This difficult task necessarily requires perseverance and continual conversation with God in all activities great and small: “speaking humbly and talking lovingly with Him at all times, at every moment, without rule or system…” In reading these conversations, letters, and spiritual maxims, we learn the key to endless joy.
In short, this little spiritual classic — in its fresh, contemporary English translation — renders the simple wisdom of Brother Lawrence accessible to every Christian who yearns for the fullness of life….
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It’s the little things that can often make or break a marriage….those little courtesies, kindnesses and the respect we show to one another. The following is a few of those meaningful courtesies and a few thoughts that will add life to your relationship.
Don’t compare him to anyone else. There is little more destructive than hoping he’ll become like someone he isn’t – whether said aloud or thought silently in your heart. Instead, make the most of his own unique qualities.
Don’t be surprised when faced with a trial.
It’s not something to tip-toe around, but something to walk through. So walk through it together. At some point, either he or you – or both of you – will encounter a serious bump in the road. Maybe even a serious bump in your relationship. Trials come in life and marriage, so prepare yourself for the possibility.
Be quick to admit when you’re wrong.
Don’t waste a minute holding on to your pride. Okay, so I’ve been terrible at this one. I just hate to be wrong! But what a silly way to live – and to love. So if you’re wrong? Just say so and get it over with. It’s not as bad as it might first sound.
Never leave off with the romance.
And it doesn’t have to look like it does in the movies (I actually like our way even better). Maybe it’s simple, sweet things – like a walk in the park or sipping tea on the porch. Make for a regular date-night that means just the two of you, talking and enjoying each other.
Be sweet to him.
He’ll always be glad for a little of that. There’s such strength found in sweetness. And something not commonly found in our harsh world today. Be that refreshing, soul-stirring voice in his ear. (Song of Solomon 2: 14)
Care about your appearance.
Not out of vanity, but in making an effort to put forth your best. Freshen up a bit when before you see him. Slip on that lovely blouse he often compliments you on. Brush out your hair and pretty-up a bit.
Protect your marriage.
Set up safeguards together to keep things and people from harming what you’ve got. If you have something you treasure? You watch over it and are willing to defend it. This doesn’t mean you are necessarily insecure, paranoid, or controlling. This simply means that you care deeply about your marriage and recognize that we live in a wicked world and you have an Enemy who would seek to tear it apart.
Speak well of him to others.
Never put him down or make a slight. Emphasize his strong points and all the many things you appreciate about him. Never let anyone doubt you’re his biggest fan. He’ll be grateful to you for this.
“The Crucifix on the wall, the pictures of Our Lord and His Mother – the loveliest you can afford – the little shrine with lights and flowers – these unceasingly speak to your little ones of God’s love and His Beauty, preparing them for that friendship with God, that willing, personal submission to Him that is true freedom and happiness.” -Dominican Nun, Australia, 1954, Painting by Ferdinand Georg Waldmuller
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Conformity to the will of God is the secret of happiness even here upon earth. Outside it there is only unhappiness.
When we receive all things as being sent by Providence, and when we live in a state of entire abandonment to all that this adorable Providence wills, we never meet with any vexations.
As we have no other will and no other desire but the will of God, and see this most amiable will in all that happens to us, we have always all that we will and all that we desire.
Imitating the example set us by the holy king David, we joyously give our hand to the good pleasure of God, Who leads us from one action to another, from a second to a third, and thus our whole life passes sweetly, joyously, holily.
No accident has power to disturb or trouble us, because we know that all comes from God, and that His will, which is a thousand times amiable, presides over all.
This thought changes sufferings and troubles into joy, bitterness into sweetness; and things that plunge other souls into desolation, console the soul which is united to the good pleasure of God.
Hence there is in it a tranquility and a peace which nothing can ruffle, a constant serenity, a calmness in acting and speaking which proves how truly the Apostle and the sage had spoken when they said, the Apostle in affirming that “To them that love God all things work together unto good” (Rom. viii. 28), and the sage in declaring that “Whatsoever shall befall the just man, it shall not make him sad” (Prov. xii. 21).
He may be tried by God, as was the holy man Job, but, like him, he will say to God: Thou triest me in a manner which ravishes me (Job x. 16) ; and neither his interior peace will be troubled nor his exterior allow a word or a gesture of sadness, of anger, or of impatience to escape it, and it may be said of him, as of Tobias, “He repined not, because the evil had befallen him” (Tob. ii. 13).
Every man, says St. Augustine, desires happiness, but all do not seek it where it is to be found. We seek it elsewhere than in the good pleasure of God, and from that time we condemn ourselves to an unhappy life.
We find nothing but deceptions in the things, the persons, or the places to which we attach ourselves. because everything changes here below. Even if all were not to change, we ourselves change, and what gave us pleasure yesterday, displeases us today.
Israel liked the manna at the beginning, and thought it had a marvelous taste; but a little while afterward it was disgusted with it. It was glad to be delivered from the tyranny of Pharaoh, but a little while afterward it wearied of the liberty of the desert, and wanted to return to Egypt.
Now, with these variations of taste, how could it be possible not to be unhappy. He who seeks contentment in himself, says St. Augustine, shall be afflicted; he alone is always happy who puts his joy in God alone, because God is always the same.
Filled with this truth, a holy Religious, a witness to the extremes of joy and sorrow, and to the variations of temper in which men allow themselves to indulge, according to the variety of the things to which they attach themselves, exclaimed: “As for me, nothing can take away my joy, because nothing can take from me Jesus Christ, Who is all my happiness”; and St. Augustine addressed God in these beautiful words: “Thou hast made us for Thyself, 0 Lord, and our hearts are restless, until they rest in Thee.”
Let us resolve:
(1) To attach ourselves solely to the good pleasure of God, to cherish it in all events, whether they be joyful or sorrowful, and never to allow ourselves to be troubled by anything, whatever.
(2) To place our whole joy in being led in all things by the divine will, like a child by the hand of its mother. Our spiritual nosegay will be the words of the Psalmist: “Thou hast held me by my right hand, 0 Lord, and by Thy will Thou hast conducted me” (Ps. lxxii. 24).
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To Catholics marriage is a sacrament, symbolizing beautifully in the love of husband and wife the tenderness with which Christ regarded His spouse, the Church. While to others marriage may become a mere civil contract as prosaic as the making of a will or the taking of a partner into one’s grocery business, to Catholics it is a holy thing, a contract that Christ has transformed into a channel of untold grace for mankind. The Catholic Church believes firmly in the possibilities of so sacred an institution. -Fr. Daniel A. Lord, 1950’s
Who are you going to love? Things? or God? When is enough, enough? Sermon on having too much stuff & what to do about it….
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Women historically have been denigrated as lower than men or viewed as privileged. Dr. Alice von Hildebrand characterizes the difference between such views as based on whether man’s vision is secularistic or steeped in the supernatural. She shows that feminism’s attempts to gain equality with men by imitation of men is unnatural, foolish, destructive, and self-defeating. The Blessed Mother’s role in the Incarnation points to the true privilege of being a woman. Both virginity and maternity meet in Mary who exhibits the feminine gifts of purity, receptivity to God’s word, and life-giving nurturance at their highest.
You’ll learn how to grow in wisdom and in love as you encounter the unglamorous, everyday problems that threaten all marriages. As the author says: If someone were to give me many short bits of wool, most likely I would throw them away. A carpet weaver thinks differently. He knows the marvels we can achieve by using small things artfully and lovingly. Like the carpet weaver, the good wife must be an artist of love. She must remember her mission and never waste the little deeds that fill her day the precious bits of wool she s been given to weave the majestic tapestry of married love.
This remarkable book will show you how to start weaving love into the tapestry of your marriage today, as it leads you more deeply into the joys of love.
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Tidbits from Father Lasance…..
by Donald F. Miller, C.SS.R., 1950’s
