Showing Up for Life

07 Tuesday Dec 2021

Posted by Leanevdp in Attitude, by Leane Vdp, Family Life, Motherhood, Peace....Leaving Worry Behind

A good reminder…. Reading this again makes me want to try harder to live in the now….to make time for the priorities. When we are on our deathbed, it won’t be how much we have accomplished, how clean our house is or how many Christmas cookies we baked…. It will be: Do I go to the door to greet my husband when he comes home? Do I take the time to listen to him? Did I take time out to look and listen when the kids were talking to me? Did I read them a bedtime story? Did I make sure they said their prayers? These are the priorities.

A lot of the women I know are very busy. They have a God-given gaggle of children, many of them young. They are up night and day, doing the things that mothers lovingly….and sometimes not so lovingly (but always trying)… do.

Many of us can’t change the fact that we are busy….and really, we wouldn’t want to. But we must take time to smell the roses (or evergreens) along the way….we must take the time to BE.

One of my favorite books is Achieving Peace of Heart which was written by a Jesuit priest and Catholic psychologist in a day when these could be trusted. He helped so many people and his main theme and way of recovery for small anxieties right through to mental disorders….his way of teaching the secret to happiness…was living in the present moment.

“In conscious life there is a lack of clear consciousness, or of adequate response to impressions received. A victim of this escapes from reality and from society into egocentrism. He neither lives in nor enjoys the present; he does not pay full attention to what he sees or hears. He lives in the past or the future, far away from his physical location, wrapped up in sadness, scruples, or worries…..” Fr. Narciso Irala, Achieving Peace of Heart

And an excerpt from the book Hands Free Life – Rachel Macy Stafford:

“Although we’ve been led to believe that our fondest memories are made in the grand occasions of life, in reality, they happen when we pause in the ordinary, mundane moments of a busy day. The most meaningful life experiences don’t happen in the ‘when,’ they happen in the ‘now.’ This concept is not earth shattering, nor is it something you don’t already know. Yet we still continually put off the best aspects of living until the conditions are right.”

So….we need to consciously practice pulling ourselves back to the NOW until we become experts at it! We need to quit thinking so much of what we have to do….running, running, running. Let’s do the job we are doing, let’s do it well, let’s think about living each moment IN the moment.

This takes some effort, it takes a mindfulness that may try to elude us…. but we mustn’t let it. We need to begin to show up for life. This mindfulness will help us with our family life.

When those little…or big…. feet come running up to us and their eyes peer into ours, let’s take the time to really listen and look at them. Let’s BE…..for them. So what if we are mopping the floor and want to get it done NOW! Let’s put the mop aside and spend that 5 minutes listening to the latest escapade of what happened when Johnny tried to climb the tree or Susie tripped over her skip rope. Those 5 minute snatches can mean so much to them…..and to us.

When hubby comes home from work, let’s take the time to stop what we are doing and greet him with a smile and a kiss. Isn’t he worth it? Yes, he is worth it. If he wants to talk about his day, let’s try to stay focused and listen. It won’t take much of our time and it sure is a lot more important than getting those clothes off the line….we can do it later.

When 14 yr. old Jenny wants to tell us about how her book ended, or about the movie she watched (Ugh! Don’t you dislike listening to someone retell a movie??), let’s listen….not just listen….let’s hear.

Whether we are married or single, no matter what our life occupation is, we must take time for our loved ones. This doesn’t change no matter what walk of life we are in. We want to be able to go to bed at night knowing that we have spent some time putting first things first….our husbands, our children, our siblings, our parents, our friends.

The people in our lives are so important….much more important than any chore or deadline we may think we have. We can get back to that. Let’s just be there for them. Let’s live in the present…..the NOW….for us, for our families.

So, for today, we will work on doing what we are doing….doing it well….and embracing those “distractions” and “interruptions” with patience and love. Let’s walk with a peace, the peace of doing God’s will in the moment and not letting our mind wander too far away from the NOW. Let us BE…it’s up to ME!

The Important Things- Leane VanderPutten

(based on “Keeping Track of Life Manifesto” – Rachel Macy Stafford)

Not the skin-deep beauty of face and figure

Not the fullness of our bank account

Not the speed at which I get my housework done

Not how nice my vehicle is

Not the cleanliness and beauty of my house

Not the number of chores I do each day

Not the events on my calendar

Not the number of church functions I am involved in

Not the text messages or emails I feel I need to respond to

Instead….I’m paying attention to the important things in life

I am going to live in the present, I am going to BE

for the hugs

for the conversations

for the exchange of laughter to heal my anxious soul.

I am finding happiness in living for the NOW

In the sit-down moments after meals

In the raucous joy of children and grandchildren

In the exchange of knowing looks that come between my husband and I

I’m living for the NOW

By taking the Hand of my Lord

Looking at Him when I feel frenzied

When I feel worried and disillusioned

So I may be present for those I love

my children

my husband

my grandchildren

my friends

By basking in each moment as I pause along the way

I’m living for the NOW

Because I know that there are more important things than accomplishing each task on my list.

Because I don’t want to miss a childhood, a wedding, a friendship

Because I want to be able to lay my head down at night knowing I have connected with those things that matter most…..

Because when my life is at its close it can be said, “You have run the race, you have fought the good fight.” and I will be remembered, not for what I have accomplished, but for HAVING LOVED WELL…..

Share interests together. As many as possible. See how you can join him in his hobbies and invite him to share in yours. Even if you don’t both enjoy the same things, at the very least you can be interested and enthusiastic about what interests him. And then look for activities that you can both learn to enjoy together as well. Start something new if you have to. -Lisa Jacobson

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“I’ve long been wanting a book on various virtues to help my children become better Catholics. But most books focused on the virtues make being bad seem funny or attractive in order to teach the child a lesson. I’ve always found them to be detrimental to the younger ones who’s logic hasn’t formed. This book does an awesome job in showing a GOOD example in each of the children with all the various struggles children commonly struggle with (lying, hiding things, being grumpy, you name it.) But this book isn’t JUST virtue training… it’s also just sweet little chats about our love for God, God’s greatness, etc…

And the best thing of all? They are SHORT! I have lots of books that are wonderful, but to be honest I rarely pick them up because I just don’t have the time to read a huge, long story. These are super short, just one page, and very to the point. The second page has a poem, picture, a short prayer and a few questions for the kids to get them thinking. It works really, really well right before our bedtime prayers and only takes a few minutes at most.

If you like “Leading the Little ones to Mary” then you will like these… they are a little more focused on ALL age groups, not just little ones… so are perfect for a family activity even through the teenage years, down to your toddler.”

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Why do we wear our best clothes on Sunday? What was the Holy Ghost Hole in medieval churches? How did a Belgian nun originate the Feast of the Blessed Sacrament? Where did the Halloween mask and the jack-o’-lantern come from? Learn the answer to these questions, as well as the history behind our traditional celebration of Thanksgiving, in this gem of a book by Father Weiser.

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Raising Girls…My Story

09 Tuesday Nov 2021

Posted by Leanevdp in by Leane Vdp, Parenting

≈ 11 Comments

A Throwback….

How did you raise such wonderful girls?

I’ve been asked that a few times. I can tell you that I sometimes am as surprised as the people who ask me. 🙂 It’s like I just woke up one day and said, “Wow we’ve done okay! How did we do that?”

It’s not that our training wasn’t purposeful…it was. But with human weakness so apparent in our parenting, with imperfect circumstances, etc., it was hard to know the outcome.

And, things are not picture-perfect (it looks so good online, doesn’t it?) My girls are human and have many faults, like all those born under Eve’s lineage.

Also, life is not done yet and I have children at home. Dynamics are different than they used to be so I don’t know the outcome. At this point, though, I am very grateful for how things have transpired.

I’ve tried here to pinpoint along the way some of the things that we did… to actually be able to put them into words….and I do feel I have a few things I can share with you.
It is not to discourage you, though, because some of us have taken up the torch midstream. I was fortunate that I became serious about my faith BEFORE I got married. This is, in many circumstances, not the case. God takes us where we are at and can create a beautiful tapestry of a grace-filled life wherever we begin! He meets us where we are at on our own personal journey and is not outdone in generosity! It is imperative we remember that.

That being said, the following are a few things I think were very important on our own journey. (This is my own list. Hubby would have his own list, too. His contribution in many of these points are unspoken but always there.)

#1. We were blessed to have started off on the right foot. We both worked at a Catholic Shrine so our courtship was truly amazing! We said the Rosary every day, we went to Mass every day, we went to Benediction every day and a lot of our courtship was during Lent so we were reading the Dolorous Passion of Our Lord Jesus Christ together.

This is obviously not possible for most people but the effort put into our courtship and even before we meet that special someone, the effort meaning: Gaining as much graces as possible through daily Mass, etc. will help to get started on the right foot. So many marriages begin on the wrong foot, stained with serious sin, and I do believe this has a negative impact on the relationship in general.

Once again, if that has been your own experience (not getting started on the right foot), with God’s grace the pieces can be picked up…yes, they can! ❤

#2. My discipline was not as consistent as it could have been. Like you, I was tired, etc. If I was nursing a baby or whatever and the child’s behavior needed tending to, it was a temptation to overlook things….and I did at times. For the most part, though, I did not let my children outright disobey me or say no to me. They never struck me. If they ever tried such things they were swiftly punished.

#3. I taught them to respect their dad. I tried to only talk highly of him to them. Even though I did not always agree with my husband’s ways, my disagreements were kept in check, as much as possible, around the children. I knew it was important to hold a united front together. The only reason I knew to do that was through the books I had been reading. I didn’t have any experience with this sort of thing in my own young, rather rocky and independent life. If you don’t teach your children to respect their dad, believe me, it will come back to bite you! They will also disrespect you as the years go by. This is not easy, and I failed many times, but I dusted myself off, knew where my mistake was, and began again.

#4. We homeschooled. This was always a challenge and I felt inadequate. But I kept trying and the bond that I formed with my children was irreplaceable. We struggled together each day. Once again, I do not think it is for everyone. I am just telling you the things that I feel contributed to the girls I have today.

#5. We had joy in our family. We played lots of games. The TV was not the center of our recreation (we didn’t have a TV for the first 15 years of our marriage). My husband and I played volleyball with our kids right up until a couple years ago. Here and there we still get out there with them. We make movie time (now that we have a TV) a family fun event!

Disclaimer here…Yes, we had joy. But I had my off days, even my off years! One year I got very sick and it was a slow climb out. Was I joyful? No! Days when you are so weary, days when you feel blah, etc. Joy?? You kidding??!

This is the amazing thing….even though I struggled with many things (my melancholic nature is not nice to me at times), the kids don’t remember those off times if you try to keep the tone positive in between times (and hopefully there are many in-between times)!

I knew it was important, that our kids would not want what we have if we didn’t have joy, so joy was fought for. I thought I was failing, I woke up one day to find out I hadn’t failed. Like I said, God meets us more than halfway!

#6. (I had my girls read my list and they wanted me to mention these “Don’ts” that we “Do”). Our kids didn’t go out of the home for their social time. It was brought to us. When we did go somewhere for a good time, for the most part, it was as a family. They also didn’t spend much time in their rooms…those were for sleeping not for spending time with their friends or hanging out by themselves.

Which brings me to another rule we had…No Sleepovers. It’s easier to make a rule with no exceptions (cousins traveling and spending the night is different…though it was closely monitored, too), than to pick and choose which sleepover events they can take part in. Sleepovers are dangerous times and ones that parents are oblivious to as they are in their beds sawing logs while the girls are chatting away….

Don’t get me wrong, it’s not that we see sin at every corner. We don’t. But we also avoid particular situations that make it easy on the kids to break rules….whether talking about subjects they shouldn’t divulge in with their friends…..Or maybe even worse.

#7. Some Do’s! I worked very hard at trying to make the Faith come alive in our home. We did Saint Nicholas stockings, Lenten practices, Advent practices, we sang hymns at the end of the rosary, we did novenas together, we did little processions, we did special things on Feast Days. We supplied the magic and the charm to our Catholic heritage.

Once again I learned this from the books that I share with you each day. I did not have any experience with this beforehand. And I was not perfect at it. Often it was one week into Advent before I got the wreath out, etc. Or life was so hectic, things were put on the back burner. As the kids got older, though, this consistency became more “on” than “off”.

It paid off. I see my married kids doing the same with their children. They are even more solicitous than I was. It warms my heart.

#8. We were open to the friends of my children. We were picky, but we were open. They came over often and took part in our home life. We fed them, they often stopped by the store and picked things up for us for dinner. It was a give-give situation.

Very seldom did I go to bed until I knew everyone was either gone, or my oldest son at home was left in charge. No one went off to form little groups, everything was done together. We played games with the kids, sang songs, had bonfires.

If any of our girls were of courting age, this is how we got to know the potential suitor and how they got to know us. And believe me, true personalities came out during games!!

#9. We have a strict dress code in our family but we have fun with it. Some of the girls sew, we love pretty colors and flowy, feminine things. The girls make the ribbon flowers to embellish their clothes and hair. We wear colors for the seasons and just enjoy dressing well.

Their clothing is not thought of as a negative thing…what they can’t wear. It’s about the amazing choices and colors and materials we CAN use! And my daughters know they are respected, as women, for the way they dress. In general, they don’t give it too much thought (that we are so different in that aspect from the world), it is just a way of life and always has been.

#10. Our technology is very closely monitored. Only my husband and I know the password to our computer and my phone is always locked. The older girls can look at recipes or something they want to buy on Amazon but it is not in a private place and it is not for long periods of time (which they don’t desire anyway…it is a means to an end for them).

They can ask to look at my phone, my Facebook account, if they wish, it is an open book and I don’t mind. But for the most part, they don’t use the internet much. They are all pretty good typists, though, and they know the basics.

The older girls have flip-phones and texting is not opened up until they are courting. They don’t have smart phones. (Our daughter, Rosie, now has a smart phone. She is older – 24 – and responsible with it.)

Don’t ever think your kids are above looking at stuff they shouldn’t. No, they are curious…especially boys, but girls, too. Be solicitous! We’ve slipped up here and there and I was given a reality check….that the devil is waiting to pounce on my own kids, too!!

#11. The Rosary has been our mainstay throughout the years. When it was forgotten, it wasn’t intentional. See the post My Little Story About the Rosary.

We also went to daily Mass as much as we could. There were many days, months, years, when hubby was working lots of hours, I was nursing or pregnant and homeschooling and it was too much to go to Mass every day. I would go in spurts or try to make it at least one more time a week besides Sunday. We are now back at it but it is easier because I don’t have lots of little people at home.

A couple of years back I was scratching my head wondering how the last half of our kids were going to turn out. Truly, the dynamics have changed around here (not in a bad way…just changed) and I was nervous how this was going to affect the next batch of kids.

As I was digging around for a solution, I came up with one…..Get back to daily Mass! So I have given that quandary (my kids and how they will turn out) right back to Our Lord and I am going to let Him figure it out. He’s doing pretty good! 😀

#12. Our girls have realized right from the get-go what an incredible and awesome “career choice” is Wifehood and Motherhood! They don’t see it as a “dumbing-down”, they see it as a privilege. They are open to life and they look forward to the day their vocation, as a religious sister or a mother, is shown to them so they can dig in! They know their purpose in life.

Therefore, and this is a big THEREFORE,… they are not antsy for college or a career. Their lives are so full, either helping us with our busy lifestyle, at our parish, or, recently, helping with nieces and nephews, etc., that the farthest thing from their mind is to seek a career outside the home!

They stay home until they are married. Life is full…no need to look elsewhere!

My husband and I have tried to show them, and I think we have succeeded, what an awesome thing Catholic Family Life is! It takes work, you need to be counter-cultural, but it all comes with so many blessings!

And my girls see it. They look around at what other girls their age and of the world are doing and they don’t want it. They feel very blessed!

An aside here….This next batch of girls coming up have seen a lot of the struggles of married life and motherhood from their older siblings. They look at it with a little more trepidation….hehe…than my first children. But they will be ready when the time comes, I am confident of that.

Well, there you have the list. Remember….in between each of those numbers should be another part….the part that says we were inadequate and didn’t do it all perfectly or with always the right attitude.

Once again, that should encourage all of us that it can be done….even with our weak humanness!

And, of course, I am not saying our way is THE way. You can pick and choose those things that may help you in your own family.

AND if you have lots of pieces to pick up….look up! God is not wanting in miracles! Miracles that change lives!

We are called to be great Apostles of Love in our ordinary, daily life. We are Christ’s Hands and Feet as we wipe noses, feed hungry little ones and change diapers with an attitude of service and love. When we are cheerful to those we rub shoulders with each day, when we kindly open our door to those who enter into our home, we are taking part in Christ’s Apostolic Work. “Jesus was an Apostle in the stable of Bethlehem, in the shop of St. Joseph, in His anguish in Gethsemane and on Calvary no less than when He was going through Palestine, teaching the multitudes or disputing with the doctors of the law.” – Divine Intimacy, Painting by Morgan Weistling http://amzn.to/2p0dxg8 (afflink)

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💖💙This Maglet is for you, lovely wives, who have dedicated your life to your faith and to your husband.

If it is in God’s providence you bring children into the world, your goal is to raise a wholesome, dedicated Catholic family…in an ungodly world. This is a seemingly insurmountable task considering the obstacles before us.

Our first line of defense is the bond we must have with our husband. Besides our spiritual life, which gives us the grace to do so, we must put our relationship with our husband first. It is something we work on each day.

How do we do this? Many times it is just by a tweaking of the attitude, seeing things from a different perspective. It is by practicing the virtues….self-sacrifice, submission, thankfulness, kindness, graciousness, etc.

The articles in this maglet will help you with these things. They are written by authors that are solid Catholics, as well as authors with old-fashioned values.

Take this information to heart and your life will be filled with many blessings!

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A sense of the dignity of work
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A proper love for the things of this world and for the things of Heaven
Attentiveness at Mass
Love for the Eucharist
An understanding and love of purity
The ability to make good confessions
And dozens of other skills, habits, and virtues that every good Catholic child needs

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My Little Story About the Rosary….

07 Thursday Oct 2021

Posted by Leanevdp in by Leane Vdp, Spiritual Tidbits, The Rosary

≈ 7 Comments

What a beautiful feast day…..The Feast of Our Lady of the Holy Rosary! I thought I would repost this today:

Here is my little story of the Rosary…..

I’m a slow learner.

Sometimes it just takes me a long time to “get” some things.

At the tender age of twenty, the Rosary and the Consecration to Our Lady (St. Louis de Montfort style) was what set my feet on solid ground in a world that spun around me with all sorts of “answers” to life’s problems. And I wanted answers.

My friends were leaving the Catholic Church that was rocked by liberalism and they were going to greener pastures. It was all beckoning to me. The Catholic Church I attended didn’t seem to hold out any answers. I had attended a Catholic School and went to Mass every Sunday all my growing up years. I was involved in youth groups and church choirs. And yet I didn’t know about the True Presence until I was almost 20 years old! There was an emptiness…. but I didn’t know what the problem was.

Then something happened. I went to a few classes on St. Louis de Montfort’s True Devotion to Mary. I didn’t like them but I stepped out in faith and began by saying a decade of the rosary each day (while my thoughts traveled to those naysayers saying “repetition of words are useless…dumb”….they also said…”IDOLATRY…you can’t pray to Mary”) but I persevered…..And then I consecrated myself to Our Lady…(once again, the horrible doubts and misgivings…) I did it anyway. It was not very comfortable.

I met hubby. We began our courtship and our marriage with the rosary…daily. It was a commitment. It wasn’t wonderful…or beautiful…. It was a commitment.

We had children. Many children. We said the rosary. So often, it seemed fruitless. Life was so distracted, so wrought with the everyday little crosses and duties…but it was a commitment and we stuck to it.

I knew it was a good thing. I knew Our Lady asked for the Family Rosary at Fatima:“I am the Lady of the Rosary. Continue to always pray the Rosary every day.” I believed. I was committed. Hubby was always committed. 🙂

I see now the fruits. I look around at a very crazy world and thank God through tears for what He has given to us…through no merit of our own.

I know that we could have really messed up. We were two people coming from very different backgrounds….both very strong-willed. We made our mistakes…..but we had the Rosary. And we stuck with it, day in and day out, year after year.

A family that prays together, stays together. I know that is not everything. If we have an open heart, the Rosary gives us the graces to make the necessary changes as we need them.The Daily Family Rosary. Steady, Constant. Amid the crosses of daily life with many children, the misunderstandings between husband and wife, the financial burdens…we had the rosary.

When the kids got hurt or sick, when I was very ill, when hubby was in the hospital and we had no money to pay, through tragedies, accidents and fires, when I didn’t understand why God was letting things happen to us…. we were saying the Rosary.

Steady and constant, we prayed it every day, amid slouching kids, tired husband, cranky, pregnant wife.

Thank God for that Rosary. I know my life is not done yet. We still have children at home, children who can….and will….make a lot of mistakes. But for the record, they all (married ones, too) put their Faith first, amid their own struggles. They say the daily Rosary and it will be what holds them together through thick and thin.

If you have troubles, say the Rosary. If, amid your noisy and boisterous family, you are suffering loneliness, say the Rosary. Do you have fears and worries? Say the Rosary. Are your rosaries dry and distracted?…Keep saying it.

Truly, who knows better than Our Lady, Our Mother, our humanness, our failings, how small we are, how distracted we are. She will help. Persevere. Don’t give up.

It is just now that I am beginning more to understand the beauty, the mystery, the deep, interior, spiritual growth that can take place through the Rosary. Like I said, I am a slow learner.

I am glad that God is very, very patient.

He has given us a very special gift. Don’t take it for granted and don’t go a day without saying it!

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The Annunciation “Hail, Full of Grace”

Another day had begun in the little home of Nazareth – a quiet, cool March day. Mary would spend it as she had spent countless others, quietly working about the house.

An ordinary girl, Mary, as the world judges; ordinary like the rest of the villagers, like Joseph…

Suddenly an angel was by her side: “Hail, full of grace!“

An ordinary person would be rather disturbed by such a visitor, and by such a greeting. And Mary was! “She was troubled at his word.“

The angel had implied that Mary loved God with all her heart, soul, mind, strength; that she loved God enough to become His Mother.
Loving God wholeheartedly – like Mary, I was created to do just that – and being “ordinary“ puts no barriers in my way!

“It is difficult for a child to be better than his home environment or for a nation to be superior to the level of its home life. In fulfilling its double purpose – the generation and formation of children – the home becomes a little world in itself, self-sufficient even in its youngest years. It is vital that you, as a mother or father, make of your home a training ground in character-building for your children, who will inherit the world’s problems. Home is a place in which the young grow in harmony with all that is good and noble, where hardship, happiness, and work are shared.” – Father Lawrence G. Lovasik

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Single….Unpicked

02 Thursday Sep 2021

Posted by Leanevdp in by Leane Vdp, Singles, Vocation, Youth

≈ 7 Comments

Do you feel like you have been forgotten, that your life isn’t what it should be, that, somehow, you are not good enough because you are still single?

Another friend is getting married. You are happy to be picked as bridesmaid, but really…..all you want is to be the one walking up the aisle in that beautiful white gown! In your heart you feel….unpicked.

Remember the story in the Bible where another Apostle had to be chosen because Judas was gone from the Little Band? Do you know the method they used to pick between the two men, Barsabbas and Matthias? A prayer was said and straws were drawn and whoever had the longest straw was the disciple!

Wow! That’s amazing. Such an important job….and a straw is drawn!

“And they gave them lots, and the lot fell upon Matthias, and he was numbered with the eleven apostles.” -Dhouay Rheims

I’m sure Matthias was very happy! But what about Barsabbas? Did God forget about him? Did God not have big plans for him?

Just because Barsabbas was not “picked” in this particular instance did not mean that God loved him less or that he had been overlooked or that He didn’t have wonderful plans laid out for him.

How about you? Do you find it very difficult when the ladies around you are getting “picked” and you are not. Does it make you sad that you have not found that “one and only” yet?

Of course! It is hard to wait on Our Lord when it seems like life is passing quickly!

I remember those single days, in the interim, before I was married. I lived in Canada, really in a spiritual desert. I had quit my “important” job and went to live back with my mom and dad who had moved to a small town and bought a gas station. I pumped gas.

I was reading some very good books at the time and I knew in my heart I wanted the noble and wonderful vocation as wife and mother.

But wife and mother to who? Ah, there lay the rub! The town I lived in had about 400 people. And believe me, serious Catholics were hard to find, even in the big cities!

I remembered what my dear mentor and older friend had said to me. “If you want to be a wife and mother, Leane, start now by learning everything you can about that important vocation. Roll up your sleeves and practice cooking, cleaning, sewing, music, art. Read good books on the subject….on parenting, gardening, ‘good wife’ books, etc.”

This is one reason I had left my job in the big city. To me, it was not helping me get to my final goal. No, it was hindering it. No one could understand why I left and went to pump gas. But I had a goal. And part of that goal was being back home helping Mom and Dad.

Now, life did not go all that smoothly from this point on. But circumstances led me to write a dear priest in the U.S. and I asked him what I should do. He told me to come to his Apostolate, help him by working in the office, and he would help me, mentor me, on my journey.

I did this. I was there for eleven months, serving this dear priest’s apostolate, going to Mass and Benediction each day. It was a time of spiritual growth. I learned so much about my Faith! And I met my husband, who had also come to serve at this Catholic Shrine…..

The point being, if you are downcast about being “unpicked”, don’t be! You have much to learn and it can be very fulfilling! It can also be fun! It really can be!

Get some cookbooks and start planning the meals!

Learn to sew, crochet, arrange flowers, paint, etc.

Join the Legion of Mary, serve others…at home and elsewhere.

Serve the busy mothers with many children….babysit for them, help with their homeschooling.

Be with the children. Read to them, teach them Catechism. There is nothing so beautiful as a young woman who spends herself for the little ones….

Work hard wherever you are at!

But the most important thing is growing spiritually! If you can go to daily Mass, do it! Pray for your future spouse.

Read good spiritual Catholic books. I have two lists you can look at:

My Book List

Book List for the Youth

Learn to be happy, even in trying circumstances. This is the very thing that will carry you through when your vocation is in place and the crosses come.

Life is an adventure! Give, give, give to God and He will more than meet you half way! But be on the lookout for what He is trying to teach you. Have an open heart to His Voice. We do this by grace.

We often don’t recognize His Voice but if you are doing what it takes, He will lead you to what His Will is for you. And ultimately, that is what will make you happy!

In my little fairy tale story above, I have one sentence that is very important and I didn’t expound on: After I moved back home, life did not go all that smoothly from this point on.

My family life was not great. I met discouragement, I was in tears at times, things could look black. It wasn’t roses. But I kept seeking and praying…and trying to have peace with it all.

God didn’t turn a deaf ear to me. I had to be patient. Patience is one of the hardest things to learn…and it is something that will have to be practiced all through our lives.

God is not turning a deaf ear to you! Are you kidding? He loves you and has something wonderful in mind for you!

You must get through the lonely times, those times when you feel “unpicked” and remember….God sees the bigger picture, you don’t. Keep that in mind and seek for inner happiness, through the grace of God, in the interim. Work towards getting “better” not “bitter”!

You will be blessed!

You may also like this post, In Praise of Unmarried Women.

In spite of all its trials, marriage promises to the young couple happiness in abundance. There is the first happiness of home-making and the supreme joy that comes when they look upon their first-born and know it to be theirs. Strength comes of working out together life’s problems and of “halving sorrow and doubling joy by sharing them.” Pride thrills them as their sons grow strong and their daughters charming. Courage springs from knowing that they do not work nor walk alone. Then, when their work is largely done and their children go off to found their own families or give themselves to God, they feel the calm happiness of turning their faces toward heaven with the sense of a gathered harvest, full granaries, and their Master waiting to bless them for a crowded and useful life. -Fr. Daniel A. Lord

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SavePrayers for use by the laity in waging spiritual warfare from the public domain and the Church’s treasury. The book has an imprimatur from the Archdiocese of Denver.

St. John Vianney, the Cure d’Ars, though he was not thought competent to preach or hear confessions, became one of the greatest preachers and confessors of his age.

The 19th century was one of optimism for French Catholicism, but, following the horrors of the French Revolution, there was also a feeling of lukewarmness and an approach to the moral life that felt sin could not be all that bad.

St. John Vianney, on the other hand, would not suffer to see souls be damned for lukewarmness. His preaching permeates with the love of God first and foremost, and clear prescriptions for leading his flock to heaven.

New Podcast! 5 Tips on Modest Summer Blouses

26 Thursday Aug 2021

Posted by Leanevdp in by Leane Vdp, Modesty, Podcasts - Finer Femininity

≈ 8 Comments

A little encouragement in your search for modest blouses for the hot weather (it’s still hot here in Kansas) along with a little tutorial on shortening and hemming your blouse sleeves…

If I am not capable of great things, I will not become discouraged, but I will do the small things! Sometimes, because we are unable to do great things, heroic acts, we neglect the small things that are available to us and which are, moreover, so fruitful for our spiritual progress and are such a source of joy: “Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful over a few things, I will now trust you with greater. Come and share your Master’s joy.” (Matthew 25:21) -Fr. Jacques Philippe, Searching For and Maintaining Peace https://amzn.to/2WcepLs (afflink)

Painting by Jim Daly

Coloring pages for your children….

Author Mary Reed Newland here draws on her own experiences as the mother of seven to show how the classic Christian principles of sanctity can be translated into terms easily applied to children even to the very young.

Because it’s rooted in experience, not in theory, nothing that Mrs. Newland suggests is impossible or extraordinary. In fact, as you reflect on your experiences with your own children, you’ll quickly agree that hers is an excellent commonsense approach to raising good Catholic children.

Fr. Lawrence Lovasik, the renowned author of The Hidden Power of Kindness, gives faithful Catholics all the essential ingredients of a stable and loving Catholic marriage and family — ingredients that are in danger of being lost in our turbulent age.

Using Scripture and Church teachings in an easy-to-follow, step-by-step format, Fr. Lovasik helps you understand the proper role of the Catholic father and mother and the blessings of family. He shows you how you can secure happiness in marriage, develop the virtues necessary for a successful marriage, raise children in a truly Catholic way, and much more.

This post contains affiliate links. Thank you for your support.

The School Bell is Ringing….Are You Ready?

19 Thursday Aug 2021

Posted by Leanevdp in by Leane Vdp, Organization Skills

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

organizing, overwhelmed

My “Getting Ready for School” repost….

I love school days. The schedule can be a beautiful thing….it’s all in the attitude. So….Let’s Get Ready!

The School Bell is Ringing….Are You Ready?

Painting by Jim Daly

With school just around the corner and so many responsibilities and things to accomplish, we may get a little nervous on how we are going to pull it all off.

I know, for me, summer time is so full, my days are bursting, that I truly wonder how I am going to “fit” school back in with all its demands.

I find my life goes in spurts. I am organized for a time, then it slips through my fingers for awhile. I have learned not to get discouraged, trusting that, with grace, I will get it together again. So I know what works for me and I know what doesn’t. Floundering does not work. 🙂 It is always good to have a plan.

The following are a few things that help me along the way not to get too stressed. Maybe a point or two might work for you, too.

1. Make your list. If you are feeling overwhelmed you may think that writing it all down will make you feel more burdened. That’s not how it works. When you can get it down on paper, you can sort and prioritize. Those lowest on the “essential” list can be put on the next day so you can slowly work at getting them all done. If you don’t get it done the next day, continue to add it to the next one. Checking each thing off gives you a sense of accomplishment and energizes you!

2. Keep the house picked up. My corners aren’t always great but if you were to walk into my house at a given time, it would be generally clean….unless we decided to go play volleyball instead of doing the dishes right away (priorities, you know. 🙂 )

3. Go to Bed. 🙂 If I can go to bed and get up at consistent hours, it helps a lot. It’s important for the kids to do the same. Summertime is a season of later bedtimes. We loosen up the night time schedule and relax for a spell. It is quite refreshing….for a time. I notice how much it affects the next day, these inconsistent and later schedules. That’s okay for a while during the summer but you wouldn’t want to do that during school days. So regularity on getting to bed is important.

4. Wake up at a consistent time, earlier than the family, if you can. With the demands of young children, and the lack of sleep that goes with that, this isn’t always possible. At times like those, we need to just offer it up. That being said, nothing helps me more than getting up before everyone else, getting my prayers said, and doing other duties before the family gets up. It gets me started on the right foot.

5. Plan Your Meals! Okay this one I am not very good at but, Wow! does it take the stress-load off!! I have periods in my life when my girls are taking over the meals so it is hard for me to get back in the swing of things when they are occupied with other life things. But it makes such a huge difference! So if you can get it together once a week to plan those meals, DO SO! It will make a positive impact on your week!

6. Get yourself fully dressed first thing, right down to your shoes. This will help you to get motivated to accomplish things right off in the morning. I also wash my face with cold water first thing in the morning. I started that 2 years ago when we had the drought. It was a waste of water to leave the tap running until it got warm, so the cold water did the job and now I like the “pick me up” it gives me. Try it! 🙂

So…what kind of things make me feel more organized and on top of things:

!. Number one for me is sticking to my “Spiritual List”, starting with morning prayers and then the other simple spiritual things on that list throughout the day. If I can check each of those off then I feel like I have accomplished the most important duty and can have the focus and grace to accomplish the other ones that fill up my day.

2. If I haven’t already got an ongoing chore list for the kids (better if it is made the night before) so they know what they should be doing, I make a quick one in the morning for each child. Then everyone knows what they should be doing and you don’t have to have your mind going in all different directions trying to figure out what needs to be done and who needs to do it! The kids are able to tackle their jobs and have the satisfaction of checking it off each time it is accomplished! (Mom….don’t forget to inspect those chores!)

3. Keep the house picked up. (I know, I talked about this already.) Don’t get obsessive about it, especially if you have young children, but periodically through the day get everyone to help with a “pick-me-up”. When you can look at a clean table and a generally clean house, it invigorates and at the same time relaxes you. It’s easier to focus on the next thing to be done.

4. Delegate. Remember, you are the supervisor. Of course, supervisors get their hands dirty, too, but if there is something that you can delegate, do. It helps the children to grow into responsible adults.

5. Don’t listen to negative self-talk. Don’t analyze it, just don’t listen to it. Period. It will bring you down and make you sluggish in accomplishing what you need to get done. Instead, look at your list and do the next thing, say a prayer, grab a book and read it, spend some time with the kids. It’s not worth listening to the rubbish that goes on inside your head.

6. DON’T feel sorry for yourself!! If you have lots to do, thank God for it. He will help you accomplish it….one step at a time. There are many lonely people in this world, many trapped in their addictions, many sad and discouraged because of broken relationships. Learn to thank God for what you DO HAVE and all the wonderful things you GET TO DO each day. Sometimes it just takes an attitude change. He never gives us more than we can bear. Believe it!

7. One last tip….a little self-care goes a long way. Take a little time for yourself each day. It doesn’t have to be long, but something that will rejuvenate you…Reading a good book with a cup of tea, spending a half hour on your craft, taking a walk outside, hiding in your bedroom and eating the chocolate you have hidden for yourself…I like this one! You get the picture. Everyone’s situation is different and you can figure something out to give you a fresh kickstart during the day. Everything looks a little brighter after some revitalizing!

“Hospitality is so much more than entertaining-so much more than menus and decorating and putting on a show. To me, it means organizing my life in such a way that there’s always room for one more, always an extra place at the table or an extra pillow and blanket, always a welcome for those who need a listening ear. It means setting aside time for planned camaraderie and setting aside lesser priorities for impromptu gatherings.” -Emilie Barnes. Simple Secrets to a Beautiful Home

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Finer Femininity is a small publication compiled to inspire Catholic women in their vocations. It consists of uplifting articles from authors with traditional values, with many of them from priests, written over 50 years ago. These anecdotes are timeless but, with the fast-paced “progress “of today’s world, the pearls within the articles are rarely meditated upon. This little magazine offers Catholic womankind support and inspiration as they travel that oftentimes lonely trail….the narrow road to heaven. The thoughts within the pages will enlighten us to regard the frequently monotonous path of our “daily duties” as the beautiful road to sanctity. Feminine souls need this kind of information to continue to “fight the good fight” in a world that has opposing values and seldom offers any kind of support to these courageous women. Inside the pages you will find inspiration for your roles as single women, as wives and as mothers. In between the thought-provoking articles, the pages are sprinkled with pictures, quotes and maybe even a recipe or two.

The Mother’s Maglet, Wife’s Maglet, Young Lady’s, Sunshiny Disposition, True Womanhood and The Heart of the Home During Advent and Christmas…..Available here.

Save

Establish simple systems that save time and money and gain peace of mind
Organize the home’s problem areas–kitchen cupboards, crowded closets, home offices, and more
Reclaim precious time for family and friends

Filled with inspiration, encouragement, and tried-and-true tips, this book is a must-have for every woman!

The good news is that a beautiful home doesn’t require too much money, too much energy, or too much time. Bestselling author and home-management expert Emilie Barnes shows readers how they can easily weave beauty and happiness into the fabric of their daily lives. With just a touch of inspiration, readers can

turn their homes into havens of welcome and blessing
build a lifestyle that beautifully reflects their unique personalities
enrich their spirits with growing things (even if their thumbs are several shades shy of green)
make mealtimes feasts of thanksgiving and kitchen duty fun
establish traditions of celebration that allow joy to filter through to everyday life

This post contains affiliate links. Thank you for your support.

Two Simple Steps for a Successful Day ~ New Podcast!

06 Friday Aug 2021

Posted by Leanevdp in by Leane Vdp, Organization Skills, Podcasts - Finer Femininity, Prayers, Praying

≈ 5 Comments

NEW PODCAST!

Here is a simple outline to ensure we are carrying out our daily duties as best we can on this road we travel as Catholic women. This is my own list of what I deem the basics of a successful day. It is an ideal I strive for. You may have your own plan, and I hope you do. If this can help in any way, then I have accomplished my goal with this video.
Link to My Morning and Night Prayers.
Link to My Journals.

I have included the transcript for the video below:

I’m here to talk to you today about Two Simple Steps for a Successful Day.

I think that most ladies would like a simple outline that they can stick to each day to ensure we are carrying out our daily duties as best we can on this road we travel as Catholic women.

This is my own list of what I deem the basics of a successful day. It is an ideal I have strived for. I have successes, I have failures but at least I know this plan, it is burned into my mind so I can get back to it if I am floundering!

You may have your own plan, and I hope you do. If this can help in any way, then I have accomplished my goal with this video.

#1 ~ STAYING GROUNDED WITH PRAYER

#2 ~ STAYING GROUNDED WITH A LIST

#1 – Our Prayers. Starting with our morning prayers.

Our Morning Offering is one of the most important prayers of the day. Imagine a bunch of zeroes, let’s say 9 of them on a blackboard. How much are nine zeroes worth? One big fat zero.

Now put a one if front of them. Do they become a lot more valuable? Yes they do. Kind of changes the picture, doesn’t it?

Our Morning Offering is like that one. All of a sudden, all our thoughts, words, actions, sufferings of the day have value. Before our Morning Offering, they are not worth as much. After our Morning Offering, they are so much more valuable.

All is used as an offering to Our Lord for our own happiness and salvation, and for those we love.

I know that we often hit the ground running…nursing a baby, helping our toddler, or our alarm didn’t’ go off and we are running to school or work late. Let’s make sure we get that Morning Offering in. It’s very important.

We should try to say our whole Morning Prayers….

And I will include a link in the comments below that may be able to help you with your Morning and Night Prayers…they are what I have said throughout the years.

You should have a few other simple time slots for prayers throughout the day. Not too much and not too long. But enough to keep us and our family grounded all day long.

I usually stop midday, 3:00 to say with whoever is at home at the time our Mercy Chaplet. You could do any prayer you wish here. Maybe a Litany? Maybe the Holy Wounds Chaplet? I have a lovely book with many different chaplets in it. You could switch it up each day if you like. Maybe a special prayer honoring our Lords crucifixion because the hour is 3:00?

When my kids were younger we would say the Mercy Chaplet…that took 5 minutes…then I set the timer for 15 minutes for quiet time. Then I would give them 3 choices.

They could read a spiritual book. If they were young that would mean looking at the pictures of a children’s spiritual book.

They could pray.

They could rest. And yes, sometimes they fell asleep.

It was very valuable…that quiet time with the kids. Because we lose our taste for spiritual things if we do not nourish ourselves each day. And once again, this is building a great habit with your children they can carry on throughout their lives.

So we have our Morning Prayers, our Midday prayers…then our daily rosary and our night prayers. Daily Mass if we can.

So…number one…staying grounded with prayer. Let’s keep that prayer life alive and well!

Just a note…Make sure you say simple morning and night prayers with your little people so they get in the habit of this. This is very important!

I said my own morning and night prayers by myself…hopefully before the kids got up, but not necessarily. And then I would gather the little people who weren’t old enough to say their prayers yet, I would sit down and have them kneel before me and say their prayers with them. They were simple and eventually they memorized them and could say them on their own.

This got them in the habit of morning and night prayers. Because I have met Catholics who know the necessity of saying the daily rosary and they do that. But they find the morning and night prayers daunting…because they weren’t trained as youngsters! So do that for your children…

This is the basis of a successful day! We now have the grace to do what we need to do for the rest of the day. To make the right decisions. To get our work done, To deal with any crosses, etc.

#2. STAYING GROUNDED WITH A LIST.

Make a List!

I sure notice a difference when I get back to making my list! I accomplish so much more…and I don’t forget so many things. I get myself a lovely journal-type book and then I turn to it during the day when I am floundering and getting distracted with things I don’t need to get distracted with…not talking about my family. They are one big blessed distraction…a good one and one that needs attending to.

But you know those other distractions….the ones we could do without…or that make us put off our priorities…until later…and then we’re too tired.

Making your list the night before is helpful. But if you haven’t done that, snag a few moments as early as possible the next day to write your list.

I use shortcuts to write mine down, For instance, MPR is morning prayers, NPR is night prayers, MCHAP is mercy chaplet. This makes the list writing quicker. And since I know the basics well, I know what I am talking about.

Many of the other items I write the whole thing out. I have made the mistake of doing shortcuts on the other non-basic things on my list and when going back to it, I couldn’t remember what it was I was writing down. J

This list, which is my #2 step of a successful day, will help you with your #1 step – Staying Grounded with Prayer…because you write down your spiritual items at the top….After all they are top priority!

Morning Prayers, 3:00 prayer, Rosary, Night Prayers.

And if I go to daily Mass, I will come home, write down daily Mass and then check it off. Check these spiritual items off when you are done.

If you have accomplished those by the end of the day, you have accomplished the most important work of the day…because these very prayers will give us the grace to accomplish the other duties of the day!

And even if it is one of those days and we get nothing else accomplished…because of a child being sick, an unexpected visitor, a fridge that needs tending to because it quit working, etc, we still have those prayers, that time with God. And He will bless that! And will help us to embrace these other things that throw us off-kilter!

As you think of things throughout the day, add them to your list. But don’t overwhelm yourself. Stick to the priorities and a few other items. For me, I put down even the little things…like take out garbage. Then I can check it off and it does give one a feeling of accomplishment and it energizes me!

The most important ones need to be checked off by the end of the day….like make dinner, do laundry, make lunches, check on mother, etc. Write them down!!

And for those ones you think of during the day and don’t get to… Transfer them to the next day!

To get into these habits….Prayers, List-Making…is very valuable.

I want to show you a couple of examples of my list. Here’s one day.

Something must have come up this day because I don’t have much checked off. Maybe I just got distracted. That’s ok…I don’t beat myself up for that. I especially like to get my spiritual part of the list done.

Most of my days don’t have the night prayers checked off because I forget to check them off in the evening. And sometimes I do forget!

Here’s another day.

Now this day looks better! I can walk away from that day and say, “Wow, I was able to get a lot done and it looks good to have all those check marks!” There were some things I didn’t get done and I will transfer those to the next day,.

These habits help us to train our will. Regularity, order…it is the making of a saint. The daily little things are the important ones! Saying those short prayers with your kids every day, morning and night, is teaching them invaluable lessons about regularity and good habit-making.

I want to remind you that in the comments I have a link to my morning and night prayers.

I also have a link down there for my journals. I think using a journal for while can be quite helpful.

I have an Advent Journal, Lenten Journal, a Gratitude Journal and then a 30 Day Journal for boys and one for the girls. Those last 2 are in color and quite lovely! And those will help those children to stay on track for 30 days and carry some of those habits with them throughout life!

These are very good tools to help us on this journey of getting our lives in order. The link for those are in the comments.

In conclusion, I would like to say that I am still on this journey. It is never perfect and life throws at us its curve balls. Sometimes we cause the curve balls! It’s not our failures that are the important thing…we are human, we will fail. It is how quickly we pick ourselves up!

So let’s remember the 2 basics of a successful day:

#1 Staying grounded with prayers

#2 Staying grounded with a list

Thank you for tuning in today. God bless you!

A mother should make it one of her important responsibilities to keep a clean and organized home. This is not always possible, especially at certain phases of child-bearing years, and she must be patient with circumstances and with herself. At the same time, it should be one of her priorities. -Finer Femininity

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In With God in Russia, Ciszek reflects on his daily life as a prisoner, the labor he endured while working in the mines and on construction gangs, his unwavering faith in God, and his firm devotion to his vows and vocation. Enduring brutal conditions, Ciszek risked his life to offer spiritual guidance to fellow prisoners who could easily have exposed him for their own gains. He chronicles these experiences with grace, humility, and candor, from his secret work leading mass and hearing confessions within the prison grounds, to his participation in a major gulag uprising, to his own “resurrection”—his eventual release in a prisoner exchange in October 1963 which astonished all who had feared he was dead.

Powerful and inspirational, With God in Russia captures the heroic patience, endurance, and religious conviction of a man whose life embodied the Christian ideals that sustained him…..

Captured by a Russian army during World War II and convicted of being a “Vatican spy,” Jesuit Father Walter J. Ciszek spent 23 agonizing years in Soviet prisons and the labor camps of Siberia. Only through an utter reliance on God’s will did he manage to endure the extreme hardship. He tells of the courage he found in prayer–a courage that eased the loneliness, the pain, the frustration, the anguish, the fears, the despair. For, as Ciszek relates, the solace of spiritual contemplation gave him an inner serenity upon which he was able to draw amidst the “arrogance of evil” that surrounded him. Ciszek learns to accept the inhuman work in the infamous Siberian salt mines as a labor pleasing to God. And through that experience, he was able to turn the adverse forces of circumstance into a source of positive value and a means of drawing closer to the compassionate and never-forsaking Divine Spirit.

He Leadeth Me is a book to inspire all Christians to greater faith and trust in God–even in their darkest hour. As the author asks, “What can ultimately trouble the soul that accepts every moment of every day as a gift from the hands of God and strives always to do his will?”

The City Mouse and the Country Mouse

10 Thursday Jun 2021

Posted by Leanevdp in by Leane Vdp, FF Tidbits

≈ 3 Comments

Something fun for Throwback Thursday!

I wrote this article awhile ago. It is power-packed with good information…like what kind of plants to grow (if you like greenery in the house), how to get the most out of your honeymoon and feeding guests on a Sunday morning. It is also filled with deep and inspiring thoughts about the differences between men and women. Hubby informed me it is also filled with much exaggeration….!

Even though I had been raised in a large city in the middle of Canada, where the most prolific crop is icicles, I always wanted to marry a farmer boy.

I thought living in the country would be quite romantic. Not only that, I really did like the simplicity and the wholesomeness of the country life. Then when he said, “Will you marry me?” I felt my dreams had come true!

Shortly after we climbed down the church steps we found out we had differences! BIG differences! Men are from Mars? You wanna believe it!

It didn’t take me long to discover a few things about a country guy. Priorities in HIS life are…(ahem) different to a city girl.

For instance, when I am driving, my priority is to get from point A to point B in good time and in relative safety. Sounds simple, doesn’t it?

For him, it’s not the speed limit that counts nor is it if you are veering from one ditch to the next!! 😯 The most important thing is how much the soybeans have grown or whether that *~~flash~~* that went across the road is a coyote or a fox!

Safety isn’t part of the picture. Have you ever known any farmer that wore a seat belt in a tractor?? In the field, you didn’t have to keep your eye on the road, there was none!

Let me tell you about our honeymoon. We were tearing through the mountains at break-neck speed, going around curves on what felt like 2 wheels!! Hanging on for dear life, I looked at my husband in amazement. Why in the heck was he not watching the road??!!

He proceeded to ask me excitedly if I saw how many points that elk had on it!! As I squinted my eyes to see if he was talking about that 4-legged dot in the distance, I thought to myself, “Can this guy be for real”?

At that moment, The words we said at the altar, “Till death do us part” became very vivid to me.. Either he was going to kill me while looking at his jackalopes… …or there may be a murder at the next Rest Stop!

When I got married, I dreamed of a nice, orderly garden, a white picket fence and a wrap-around porch that all the family would gather round in the evening to chew the fat. You know…relaxed…normal….Isn’t that what country life was?

I was in for some big surprises! I remember the time that we had company over for brunch. Everyone was enjoying themselves as I made breakfast. I needed something from the freezer. I went to open it and I saw 2 beady eyes staring at me! I stifled my scream so as not to alarm the guests!! There was a raccoon in my freezer! Whole and entire…fur and all!! I couldn’t believe it! Couldn’t he keep the road kill on the road where it belonged!? What would he do if I had died of a heart attack on the spot?!

Then it would’ve been just him and that icy raccoon and all he’d get from IT is the cold shoulder. Why do guys never think of these things??? 😦

To be just, I have to admit it goes both ways.

HE should’ve suspected the day he came home and wondered why his newly purchased bedding plants were… dead! “Honey, we just bought those bedding plants and they weren’t cheap. Look at them!”

Everyone knows women are supposed to be able to multi-task, but I try to explain to him what number “multi” means! He gets REALLY perturbed when all I have to say is, “ooops” (again)!! …At least I say it apologetically.

I try to lighten it up. “Maybe we could invest in venus fly traps. Aren’t they the ones that feed on flesh? I’ll at least know they need something, when I hear them licking their chops!” He didn’t like my lame attempt at humor!

I have reminded him that he was imprudent and impetuous for asking me to marry him on our 2^nd date. Really, it’s his fault for not checking out the credentials! He should’ve married that cute, stalky farm girl he made googley-eyes with when he was 16! Sheesh!

I DO have good intentions, though. Last week I made homemade elderberry syrup. OK, so it was rather runny…more like purple soup, actually! 😦 Come to think of it I didn’t have much luck with my homemade cheese either. I snuck it out the back for the dogs to eat. They just walked away. Maybe I was just imagining it but it seemed they had their noses in the air! Ungrateful creatures!

I told hubby that tomorrow I am going to try my hand at grinding my own wheat and making bread out of it. He didn’t say anything….I knew what he was thinking though and he’s lucky he didn’t say it.

It’s too late for my nature boy! He already said I do. He’s just going to have to tough it out and resign himself to his city-slicker wannabe country girl.

As for me, I usually take the wheel when we go out together. That way, he can look at how fast the corn is growing or if that *~~flash~~* across the road was a gopher or a hyena or whatever!

I started thinking about our dilemma. You know, the one between the Martians and the Venetians. Do you know how far Mars is from Venus? 1,990 million miles! That’s a long way to walk to meet in the middle!

Somehow in this whole picture we have to agree that God has a sense of humor. He must have – he put man and woman together.

In our case he put the City Mouse and the Country Mouse together on top of it.

As this City Mouse tries to learn the ways of the country, I begin to think that picket fences and wrap-around porches are pretty boring. When I start veering off the road to see the armadillos in the distance, I’ll know I’m doomed.

The following pages in this Maglet (magazine/booklet) is for you…to inspire you in your daily walk as a loving, strong, patient Catholic mother. As mothers we have an awesome responsibility, as one of the key people in our children’s lives, to help mold them into happy, well-adjusted, faith-filled adults. This Maglet is filled with unique articles and anecdotes to help you in this journey. It is unique because most of the articles are written by men and women (some priests and a Dominican nun) who have lived in an age where common sense was more of the norm. Their advice and experience are timeless and invaluable…

Available here.

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There’s nothing complicated or magical about learning to be kinder; it just takes greater attention to the things that you do and how you do them. The Hidden Power of Kindness shows you how to become more aware of even your most offhand daily actions. You’ll find simple, step-by-step, and spiritually crucial directions for how to overcome the habitual unkindnesses that creep undetected into the behavior of even the most careful souls.

From the thousands of personal letters by St. Francis de Sales comes this short, practical guide that will develop in you the soul-nourishing habits that lead to sanctity.
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Gentleness….Beginning With Ourselves

20 Thursday May 2021

Posted by Leanevdp in by Leane Vdp, FF Tidbits

≈ 10 Comments

by Leane Vdp

I live around a world of women who have a purpose and an ideal.

We are striving to be noble women. You are most likely one who is doing the same. We are intent on living up to our vocation and making the best of it. We roll up our sleeves and get it done!

We are always on the lookout on how to improve ourselves, our family and our spiritual lives.

We look up the most healthy ways to feed our children. We get a goat, we buy coconut oil, we start a kombucha mushroom. One child has to be gluten free and you need to give up your beloved dairy because it affects the baby. On your limited one-spouse income, you eke out enough to buy books with recipes and tips. You gather your dimes to buy some nut flour and some almond milk.

We have to feed the family so we soak our flour the night before and make bread. We try to use all fresh ground whole wheat flour but it doesn’t rise very good so we break down and end up using some white, feeling nervous we may be doing an injustice to our family.

We search around for grass-fed beef but find it too expensive so we buy it from Aldi’s and feel like we are missing out. We make up our mind to raise chickens only to realize it costs more than its worth.

Then there’s the baby….the problem of his daily bread and his daily bottom.We invest in cloth diapers or sew them ourselves. We get a Happy Grinder and grind all his food right from the table! We’re happy about our solicitousness!

We try hard to be the best wife we can be, feeling we lack terribly in areas. We come to the conclusion that living with a person is not easy. We pick up books that have been recommended…..only to be too busy to read them.

We get up each morning and make ourselves kneel down before we hit the floor running….only to find our mind isn’t only running, it’s motorcycling! Yikes, that was fruitless. 😛

You get the picture. That may not be your scenario but you have your own, don’t you?

Whew! Always this pressure…..Do you feel it?

These nagging doubts that you are not measuring up…..do you have those?

Stretching and reaching for that ideal…..Do you live up to it?

Of course we don’t.

We are women with faults and failings.

We have days when we are exhausted and all we find ourselves doing is waiting to snatch that one-eyed little nap on that ever-illusive couch! We are irritable when hubby asks us to do something. We are impatient when our toddler continues to ask for things when we have given him everything he could possible want. PMS, pregnancy and post-partum blues threaten the little bit of equilibrium we seem to have.

Does this sound familiar to you? At the end of the day, do you take out that baseball bat and proceed to give yourself a good thrashing?

In my experience, that is not the answer. Besides, it hurts….ouch. It actually makes things worse. We draw more flies with honey than with vinegar, and that includes how we treat ourselves.

At the end of the day, you need to first and foremost be patient with yourself….look back on the day and see the energy you DID EXPEND for your family. If your intention is to be a good wife and mother, and if you are giving it your sincere effort, that is huge and you need to be thankful for that. Be thankful that you desire to do and be better. These are incredible gifts you give to your family, in spite of the nitty-gritty details in between.

Did you get tripped up during the day? Of course you did….that’s where the act of contrition each night comes in and then leave it in your Mother’s hands. Tell her you want to be better. Ask her to help you. Of course she will help you. She loves you and knows what it is like to be a mother. She’s not standing there with a baseball bat. She is smiling at your efforts and extending her hand to help you with the rest.

Those times when you were impatient and yelled at the kids….give them to her, ask her to help you to do better. Those moments when you snapped at hubby….lay them at Our Lord’s feet and ask Him for grace. They understand, they know we are only human beings, wrought with frailty and well….humanness.

A huge part of being a Child of God is child-like confidence in Him…in His love and His understanding of our fallen human nature.

The Little Flower teaches us well:

“Theresa of Lisieux was known for falling asleep during prayer hours in the chapel but she noted that ‘God loved her even though she often slept during the time for prayer’. The Church would recognize a profound and valuable teaching in ‘the little way’–an awareness of one’s limitations, the wholehearted giving of what one has no matter how small the gift.”

Discouragement knocks the breath out of us, it paralyzes us.

Sometimes….oftentimes…we are our own worst enemies. Let’s give ourselves a break. Learn to accept and love ourselves so we can pass that love and acceptance on to others. Our Lord does that for us, we can at least do the same for ourselves.

In my many readings, I often ran across the thought….you need to fill your own cup so you can have some to give to others. I never understood it….I was on “Super Mom Overdrive” doing all of the above and more.

As time went on I began to realize how very important this is. It is not a bad thing to give yourself a break….it is a good thing. Stand back, take a deep breath and realize that God loves YOU. Does that sound too simplistic?…well, do you really understand what that means? He loves you as the individual woman that you are….with your personality, all your strengths and yes, even your sins.

Our Lord knows we are trying and He gives us His Hand to help us along the way. We need to reach up and take it, smile and say “Help me, Lord, to be the woman, wife and mother you created me to be…..”

A man does not expect his wife to neglect important duty in his behalf. He is aware of the demands of her life and wants her to give each responsibility the attention it requires. He does not want his children to suffer neglect. And he knows she is entitled to other interests and diversions. But, he doesn’t want to be less important. And he doesn’t want to be regarded as a convenience, a paycheck, an escort, a social asset, a ticket to security. He would like to feel that she married him for him, and not as a means of filling her needs or reaching her objectives. -Helen Andelin, Fascinating Womanhood http://amzn.to/2wzXAzO (afflink)

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Armed with Barbeau s wisdom, you’ll grow closer to your wife and to your children, while deepening your love for God. You’ll be able to lead your family to holiness amidst the troubles and temptations that threaten even the best of families today: infidelity, divorce, materialism, loneliness, and despair.

The Father of the Family makes good fathers and good fathers are the secret to happy homes….

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I Give Up!

22 Thursday Apr 2021

Posted by Leanevdp in by Leane Vdp, Loving Wife

≈ 9 Comments

Disclaimer 🙂

A pep talk….

I talk to a lot of women and we all have something in common when it comes to our marriages…there are times when we struggle.

Marriage is difficult. The daily irritations that rub, like sandpaper, can cause wounds that make it hard to love and respect the one whom you are called to do just that…..love and respect.

Oh sure, we’ve picked up the books. We’ve made a few changes here and there. Things seemed to get better, then something hits the fan, and we are right back where we started. Round and round it goes. We’re tired of it! We want to just throw up our hands and say, “I give up! I am going to just shut down, live my life and he can live his!”

This is a temptation. Do you remember what St. Paul says? “I have run the race, I have fought the good fight.” I don’t think he meant to say “I have fought the good fight until I just couldn’t take it anymore” or “I have run the race…. until I got tired…nobody was paying attention and it didn’t seem to make a difference!”

Nope, we must never give up. I know that the struggles women have are very real. How do I know? Because I am a wife. I was raised in the city, my hubby is a country guy, I am a melancholic/sanguine, hubby is a choleric. On yes, and I forgot, he is a man, I am a woman. HUGE DIFFERENCES! It is not easy….. Our Lord never said it would be. 😛

You say you do your part, he doesn’t do his. You make the changes, he just stays grumpy and ill-tempered. You are the only one working on this relationship and he doesn’t care…..he’s not making any changes himself! You say, “I give up!”

I listened to a podcast recently. It was from the “Respect and Love” site.
Mr. Eggerich said in it that “you must be married to one pretty bad dude if he does not respond to you being more respectful and loving to him”.

It is true, there are a small percentage of men who are narcissistic and on the other hand, there are women who are divas. This situation can be very difficult because they just don’t see outside themselves.
BUT, if you are married to a regular guy, with regular faults, it is hard for me to believe that he will not respond to your efforts, if you are truly trying to change. And when I say respond to your efforts, I mean that he usually ends up doing some changing himself!

Remember, we can’t change him, we must accept and respect him. We must recall the things we loved about him when we first knew him. Sit down and write those things out. Make the effort, even if it doesn’t seem like it will help. God is not outdone in generosity! He will meet you more than halfway!

We should never give up seeking for ways to make our relationship better. It is what we are called to do.

So do not give up the good fight….run the race until the finish line! Be humble, search for answers.
Read the right books, talk to the right people. Do not talk to those who are giving you bad advice (and there are lots of those out there). They do much damage as they fan the fires of self-pity within ourselves. That is straight from the devil.

Yes, I know the struggles are real. The solutions are, too, if we keep looking and striving. It may not be overnight, but, in time, you will see that your perseverance has paid off!

In your living room and bedrooms, you should have at least one symbol of your faith–a statue of the Savior and the Blessed Mother, a crucifix, pictures which bring to mind events in the life of Our Lord. -Rev. George Kelly, 1950’s https://amzn.to/2BjwE9x (afflink)

Excellent sermon on the Eucharist!

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Powerful and inspirational, With God in Russia captures the heroic patience, endurance, and religious conviction of a man whose life embodied the Christian ideals that sustained him…..

	maryarc on The Reason For Christmas Prese…
	maryarc on Showing Up for Life
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Finer Femininity

~ Joyful, Feminine, Catholic

Category Archives: by Leane Vdp

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I Give Up!