The Parked Car, Drinking, Indecent Entertainment ~ Fr. Lovasik

31 Wednesday Aug 2022

Posted by Leanevdp in Clean Love in Courtship - Fr. Lovasik, Singles, Youth/Courtship

If young ladies and men are willing to read this information, they will be enlightened and will have no excuses if they make dumb and dangerous mistakes along the path of courtship.

From the excellent little book Clean Love in Courtship by Father Lovasik

The Parked Car

Enemy number one to the chastity of young people is the parked car. With the cloak of darkness and seclusion thrown around them, young couples parked along country roads are deliberately subjecting their virtue to a great and violent strain.

Parked automobiles, scenes of passionate kissing, petting and necking, are truly graveyards in which are buried the innocence and purity of thousands upon thousands of young men and young women. Here so-called love turns out to be lust, the most selfish sin, which seeks impure self-satisfaction at the expense of another’s virtue.

If you are a decent girl, do not drag down a young man into the mire of impurity by consenting to have him park his car, thus giving him a favorable occasion for sin. Even under favorable conditions every young man has to struggle to keep pure.

God said, “He who loves the danger will perish in it.” Therefore avoid the parked automobile as you would a pest house, reeking with germs of fatal maladies.

At the end of the evening’s entertainment, do not let your friend accompany you into your home, but bid good night when you arrive there. This will be a protection for you both. To do otherwise at that time of night, when the other members of the family have retired, is to subject each other to substantially the same danger as that presented by the parked car. Many a pure courtship has been ruined through the failure to heed this caution.

Drinking

It is not a sin to drink, but it is always a sin to drink too much. If through excessive drinking you lose the use of reason, you commit a mortal sin and thereby descend to a level lower than that of the brute beast.

Even if drinking does not end in drunkenness, its effects on company-keeping are disastrous. Drink adds fuel to concupiscence and increases the force of temptation to impurity; it weakens the powers of the mind and lowers the resistance of the will, thereby leaving one open to sin.

Drink has always been one of the shortest roads to moral corruption and is the greatest contributing factor to the alarming increase of crime. Facts show that liquor figures in seven out of every ten crimes.

Drinking outside the home is usually the beginning of the drinking habit and other bad habits, especially impurity.

Many a young man and young woman who normally would not think of lust have ruined their courtship and destroyed their love through drinking. Do not fall a prey to this habit just to be sociable.

To say that a party without drink lacks good fellow-ship and sociability is stupid and betrays a low mental status. Among young and intelligent people drink should be in no sense necessary for a good time.

If you really prize your virtue and demand self-respect, do not drink at all. The achievement of true and clean happiness is worth the little act of self-denial involved in abstinence from alcoholic drink.

The fact that about three-fourths of broken homes are the consequence of drinking should be an argument strong enough to make you give up associating with anyone who, having a special liking for alcoholic drink, does not know how to control himself.

Indecent Entertainment

Another danger in company-keeping arises from frequenting burlesque theaters, night clubs, road houses, and taverns where salacious floor shows, off color jokes, and expensive drinks are the chief menu.

In these places semi-nude females perform lascivious dances and fill young minds with obscene jokes, plying them with drinks and turning them into sex-crazed maniacs. These are the agencies which poison innocent minds and prevent their normal development into wholesome manhood and womanhood, sending them out as criminals to prey upon society.

In our day perhaps the deadliest misinformant about the ways of true living is the motion picture show. Sometimes the scenes are so vivid that for all practical purposes young people might just as well be acting in the presence of men and women who are disregarding God’s holy laws.

Such indecent attractions offered by the screen lower ideals and distort the standards of young Catholic men and women. It has become all too common for those born and reared in the faith to forget the lessons they have learned: that their thoughts, desires, and acts must be chaste; that all near occasions to sin must be avoided; that the most priceless thing in the soul of a girl is her purity, and the noblest virtue in the young man is preservation of his moral integrity.

Many a boy and girl can testify that he or she was guilty of the first grave lapse from chastity after having witnessed scenes of love-making and lustful seduction created by much publicized movie stars.

Start a fire, inhale the flames of lust, and your soul will die. Let the Legion of Decency be your guide in regard to the choice of pictures. Refrain from seeking pictures that are even partly objectionable.

“A young woman who prevails on her fiancé to approach the Sacraments with her at regular intervals builds up a strong bulwark against improper advances and obtains the best guarantee for a happy future.True love gives strength of character and assists in the acquisition of self-control. It never takes advantage of another for the sake of personal gratification. Good and pure-minded women inspire respect and make the task of a young man easy, for he will have no difficulty in keeping the right distance.” – Fr. Lovasik, Clean Love in Courtship https://amzn.to/2x6KEkx (afflink)

“There is a dream of St John Bosco that is not well known but is about the virtue of purity. How can we protect ourselves from sins against purity?” This is an excellent sermon…worth the 15 minutes it takes to listen to it!

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This is a must-read for Catholic youth. The do’s and don’t s of dating, how to keep pure, what is a sin and what is just a temptation, the qualities to look for in a good spouse, etc. It is small, but power-packed, straightforward and balanced! http://amzn.to/2niVm2T (afflink)

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Spiritual Nuptials through Perfect Chastity ~ For the Singles

11 Tuesday Jan 2022

Posted by Leanevdp in Singles

≈ 1 Comment

The Mystery of Love for the Single by Fr. Dominic J. Unger

Chastity for the single is necessarily a negative virtue; it is abstinence from the use of a faculty, from the use and enjoyment of sex.

But it is not merely negative, especially when it is deliberately chosen and willed for the more perfect end of undivided love for Christ. It has then a preeminently positive value: the love of and union with Christ.

Chastity, perfect and perpetual, is not merely a negation, an inhibition of powers, a non-exercise of sex, a fighting against temptations. It is something quite positive. It is as positive as love of Christ, which in fact makes it quite reasonable, quite intelligible.

It does not make a person, or suppose that a person is, emotionless, or even without the passion of sex. Such a person would be abnormal. A chaste person is essentially normal in his passions and emotions.

Virginal chastity is full of love, full of the spiritual love of Christ. With this idea we enter into the realm of the mystic. Virginal love is mystical union with Christ, which results in being loved, protected, consoled, rejoiced by Christ.

It is in no sense the mere ascetical endurance of a passionless existence. In its positive aspect especially, it is far superior to married love. Even for married people the ultimate end of their human love must be the mystic love of Christ. And often when marriage, from the point of human love, fails to satisfy, the married must seek spiritual satisfaction in supernatural love and mystic union with Christ.

Virginal love is as positive, too, as a consecration. The gold chalice with which a priest celebrates the Holy Eucharist may be used for no other purpose than consecrating the Precious Blood of Christ. The chalice was made sacred for that purpose alone; it was set aside exclusively for that use. That is certainly a pre-eminently positive use and purpose.

Through dedicated virginity or perfect chastity, in like manner, one sets aside as sacred to Christ the power of sex, in order that one’s entire person may be devoted to Christ’s service and love more completely. That is assuredly something positive.

We must note, however, that (every simile limps) the chalice which is consecrated for only the one purpose is itself used for that purpose, whereas in perfect chastity it is not the power of sex itself that is used. The power of sex is consecrated to Christ not to be used at all, in order that another faculty, that of spiritual love, may be more completely devoted to Christ and used to its fullest capacity.

Virginal love is as positive, again, as the Eucharistic Sacrifice itself. It is a sacrificing of the power of sex, in order that the power of love might be exercised in a more sublime and perfect fashion. It is the perfect communion of Christ with the soul through undivided love.

“We can change the world within our own families. We do not need heroic deeds, exceptional intelligence or extraordinary talents. Every day, our daily duties, our interactions with our family, our living out the Faith in the small ordinary things, will be the thread that weaves the beautiful rug that future generations will be walking upon and building upon….” Finer Femininity, Painting by Giuseppe Magni (1869 – 1956, Italian)

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Tea-Time With Finer Femininity ~ Modesty, Clothing, Single Life

15 Friday Oct 2021

Posted by Leanevdp in Singles, Tea-Time With FinerFem - Questions/My Answers, Youth

≈ 22 Comments

I get questions from you now and again and I think the answers could be beneficial to others and so I have posted them here….I have changed some words to protect anonymity.

Disclaimer: If in doubt with anything I say, please check with your spiritual director. He knows you and your situation and has the grace of state to advise you.

Question: Have you or your daughters got any tips for me on how to have to confidence to wear in college the dresses and skirts which I love to wear, without worrying about how others might look at me as though I have seven heads…. if you know what I mean?

Answer: I reached out to my girls and these are the answers they provided…

Jeanette: Sometimes people may feel judged by what others wear because they feel guilty. So kindness and charity are huge because if she works on that it will make her confident. People will actually respect her more and not think she is doing it to judge or because she is better but because it’s who she is as a beautiful person!

Theresa: I would just say hold your head up high, look beautiful and don’t care what other people think. You will probably end up being very respected. All our lives we can let other people opinions bother us, but it’s just not worth it. There is no reason for people to feel judged or affronted, if you hold yourself with dignity and treat everybody kind. Even those that are unkind to you.

Elizabeth: It’s a personal conviction. You have to just make up your mind to do it. Cheerfulness and kindness will win over her peers. And the haters just need a silent Hail Mary. They have often been raised in ugliness and don’t understand.

Gin: College is a very difficult scene these days. I think the best thing she could do is get on some modesty forums or some sort of group where they uphold and love dressing in skirts and dresses. That way she can have some sort of support group when she has to enter the college scene. It’s good to have back up and a place where she can get support if she doesn’t have it in the people around her….

Me: I started wearing dresses in my early twenties. I had support around me because I was working at a Catholic Shrine. That doesn’t mean it was easy. I still went home to visit and went on a trip with my best friend for a couple weeks soon after I made the commitment. She was very kind but probably thought I had grown seven heads!

Like the rosary in my life, it was a commitment. So, in spite of the naysayers, I didn’t back down. It was very important, though, to surround myself with like-minded people. You need the support. So…like Gin said, get on some modesty forums. If anyone has any suggestions, please leave a comment here.

Question: I just love when you post your family life galleries! Couple of questions…maybe they are for your daughters? Where do they find longer skirts and dresses for their daughters (your granddaughters)? Do they sew most of these items? Finding items like those for my 11 year old girl has been such a challenge! Also, all the females in your family always have the loveliest, feminine hairstyles. Are these from your own inspirations, or do any of you have any resources/tutorials you could direct me to?

Answer: We get most of our clothes from our lovely Coffee Shop/Thrift Store we have mentioned before ~ God’s Storehouse. We are fortunate to have it close by, they make the effort to continually bring in new items so there are always fresh clothing to pick from.

Gin and Margy sew and have made their own skirts and dresses. But most of them still come from the Thrift Store. Gin is also quite savvy at getting clothes off Ebay. So that could be an option, too.

Every once in a while they get a skirt they like, but is too short. So they add material on to the bottom. This is a pain but worth it if they have found something they really like. You can look up tutorials on this.

As far as the grandchildren go, simple skirts can be easy to make. Gin has done some of this for each of her nieces. She also makes them dresses here and there. I know she was sewing like crazy before the Festival to give some of her nieces the dresses she had made. But for the most part, the girls look out for dresses and skirts from the Thrift Shop.

As far as hairstyles….some of my girls are so good at this! I wish I had the ability but I have never been much of a “hair person”. “Wash and wear” is my motto! That being said, I know they have watched some Youtubes and looked on Pinterest. I just asked this question to Gin the other day and she said to look at “updos” on Pinterest.

And then just practice. I know that’s what it takes. I see them whip their hair up so fast and it looks just lovely. You should see when I try to do that…quite amusing…I would give Phyllis Diller a run for her money 😉 !

Each night, before the Shakespeare Festival (and there were 6 nights of it) we went through the routine. I asked Rosie if she could do my hair, went and got all my hair stuff, sat down, braids, curls, waves abounded and then got up looking like my hair should be in a magazine! One of those evenings, when I asked her AGAIN, Rosie said with a sigh…”Mom, you’re SO high maintenance”. I chuckled and replied with a shrug, “I know.”

Anyway, I digress. I will ask the girls for more info on this one and if they have some good suggestions, I will post them for you.

Question: I was hoping you might be able to offer some advice. I have struggled with some serious health problems when I was younger. Through prayer and Masses, I have improved. I entered a convent but, unfortunately, my health took a spiral downward. I still desire a chaste, single life. Any advice?

Answer: This is a question that is close to my heart. Let me tell you first, we feel your pain with dealing with health problems. We have struggled so much with Rosie. Although she can work now, she has headaches every day and is not sure what God has in mind for her.

So we have had this sort of conversation, many times.

When Rosie left the convent, her beautiful “Sister” mentor told her that if she still wished to live a single life in the world…it may be a good thing to wear some kind of a “habit” ~ simple and not outlandish, to help her own inward decision and to be a statement to those around her.

I would not do this without the advice of a good, balanced priest. The single life in the world is a hard vocation and needs much discernment. But I don’t think any “vow” needs to be made, at least certainly not at first, so the path can change later if God’s will is shown in another vocation. In other words, this “decision” doesn’t have to be permanent and can be tried out. Once again, through the advice of a spiritual director.

There is so much that can be done in this world as a single person. Prayer and sacrifice, helping at the parish, helping mothers of large families, starting a Catholic group for girls, etc.

It is what I tell any single person…those waiting for “Mr. Right” and those who just aren’t sure what their vocation is yet..Spend your time learning about the Faith and about those things that interest you, spend time doing good for others, working hard, praying hard and God will open the doors for you along the way.

Ask Our Lord to purify your intentions and keep growing…in grace and in love. It is what life is about…this continual growth each day.

This is a good book for those looking at this vocation…the single life. Although I have not read the whole book, I have liked what I have read. Please, though, if you have questions or doubts about anything in it, get advice. It is the best way to stay on track!

Let him know you appreciate all the little things he does. It is easy to just expect things from him, with nary a thanks or a smile. This is not the way to nurture a relationship. Go the extra mile….always be grateful…..and let him know that you are!

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Virginal Love ~ The Single Vocation in the World

16 Thursday Sep 2021

Posted by Leanevdp in Singles, Vocation, Youth

≈ 1 Comment

Painting by Gregory Frank Harris

by Fr. Dominic J. Unger, O.F.M., 1958, The Mystery of Love for the Single

Virginal love is not an impediment to the full realization of one’s personality. It is not only no hindrance to the fullest attainment of one’s final end, but it promotes that attainment as nothing else can.

It not only does not hinder the realization of a perfect personality; it is, very positively, the completion, the sublimation, the perfection of human personality.

The reason is this: perfect chastity makes it possible for man and woman to possess most fully and completely in this world the God who alone can be the fully satisfying object of man’s essential faculties, which otherwise is possible only in the heavenly life. God and Christ must be loved above all else, and everyone and everything must be loved in and through Christ and God.

Precisely in perfect chastity is this twofold love possible to the highest degree in this world. In perfect chastity man and woman can love God with an undivided love.

They are, then, not bachelors and spinsters because they love so little; they are virginal spouses of Christ because they love so much, so ardently, that no creature can fully satisfy their longing for loving and being loved. They are, in short, on fire with love for God.

This is the essence of the mystery of love for the single in the world. The perfection of one’s own personality is the primary reason for choosing the life of perfect chastity.

It is not the only reason. This vocation is not a selfish one. True, the adversaries object that people who deliberately remain single in the world are selfish in not marrying and rearing children who could be a boon to society. That is missing the point entirely.

Those who forego marriage and practice perfect chastity do so precisely because, besides securing their own salvation, they can be a great blessing to the Church and society at large.

Precisely because such single men and women are so beneficial to the Church and are such a power for the Church’s apostolate do the heretics oppose them and persecute them. The persecutors of the Church of all times are the greatest witnesses to the social blessing that perfect chastity has been, is, and will be.

Nor is the fact of their being persecuted an argument that the vocation is not healthy for society. Christ was the one who foretold that His Church, His virginal Spouse, would be persecuted. But she is persecuted only inasmuch as her members are persecuted, not merely in her hierarchical members, in bishops and priests, but also, and very much so, in her virginal lay members.

Precisely these have produced the most beautiful flowers of purity and martyrdom in the early Church, as for example, St. Agnes and St. Agatha.

If, then, the virginal lovers of Christ are persecuted so much, that is a clear and irrefutable argument that they are very much a part of the true Church of Christ, their Virgin Mother and Model. They are, in this point, very much like Christ Himself.

Lastly, such a vocation to virginal love in the world will be no detriment to vocations to the priesthood or to the religious life. That needs no proof as far as those are concerned who remain of necessity unmarried, because these should not or cannot choose the priestly or religious vocation.

But it is true even in regard to those who freely choose to be virgins in the world, though they might have the qualifications for other vocations. The God who grants the vocations to the virgins in the world will see to it that there will always be sufficient vocations in the other states of life.

Such virginal souls will themselves be instrumental in leading many others to the altar or into the convent. In fact, some may eventually choose such a vocation themselves precisely because they prepared for it by the virginal life they lived in the world.

One may encourage such as are thinking about perfect chastity in the world to consider the priestly or the religious vocation, especially in view of the great shortage in these vocations. But these latter vocations must be chosen freely.

If one still thinks that one can fulfill God’s will by a single life in the world, one is free to choose that vocation. To do so is not to have a low esteem of the priesthood or of the religious life.

Just as to praise and foster vocations to the single life in the world is not a belittling of the priesthood or of the religious life. To esteem silver is not to despise gold; to extol clarinets is not to denounce denounce violins; to praise violets is not to damn roses.

Words of St. Paul: Don’t be anxious; instead, give thanks in all your prayers and petitions and make your requests known to God, and God’s peace which is beyond all understanding will keep your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 4:6–7)

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This booklet contains practical advice on the subjects of dating and choosing a spouse from the Catholic theological viewpoint. Father Lovasik points out clearly what one’s moral obligations are in this area, providing an invaluable aid to youthful readers. Additionally, he demonstrates that Catholic marriage is different from secular marriage and why it is important to choose a partner who is of the Catholic Faith if one would insure his or her personal happiness in marriage. With the rampant dangers to impurity today, with the lax moral standards of a large segment of our society, with divorce at epidemic levels, Clean Love in Courtship will be a welcome source of light and guidance to Catholics serious about their faith.

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Sav
A Frank, Yet Reverent Instruction on the Intimate Matters of Personal Life for Young Men. To our dear and noble Catholic youths who have preserved, or want to recover, their purity of heart, and are minded to retain it throughout life. For various reasons many good fathers of themselves are not able to give their sons this enlightenment on the mysteries of life properly and sufficiently. They may find this book helpful in the discharge of their parental responsibilities in so delicate a matter.

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Single….Unpicked

02 Thursday Sep 2021

Posted by Leanevdp in by Leane Vdp, Singles, Vocation, Youth

≈ 7 Comments

Do you feel like you have been forgotten, that your life isn’t what it should be, that, somehow, you are not good enough because you are still single?

Another friend is getting married. You are happy to be picked as bridesmaid, but really…..all you want is to be the one walking up the aisle in that beautiful white gown! In your heart you feel….unpicked.

Remember the story in the Bible where another Apostle had to be chosen because Judas was gone from the Little Band? Do you know the method they used to pick between the two men, Barsabbas and Matthias? A prayer was said and straws were drawn and whoever had the longest straw was the disciple!

Wow! That’s amazing. Such an important job….and a straw is drawn!

“And they gave them lots, and the lot fell upon Matthias, and he was numbered with the eleven apostles.” -Dhouay Rheims

I’m sure Matthias was very happy! But what about Barsabbas? Did God forget about him? Did God not have big plans for him?

Just because Barsabbas was not “picked” in this particular instance did not mean that God loved him less or that he had been overlooked or that He didn’t have wonderful plans laid out for him.

How about you? Do you find it very difficult when the ladies around you are getting “picked” and you are not. Does it make you sad that you have not found that “one and only” yet?

Of course! It is hard to wait on Our Lord when it seems like life is passing quickly!

I remember those single days, in the interim, before I was married. I lived in Canada, really in a spiritual desert. I had quit my “important” job and went to live back with my mom and dad who had moved to a small town and bought a gas station. I pumped gas.

I was reading some very good books at the time and I knew in my heart I wanted the noble and wonderful vocation as wife and mother.

But wife and mother to who? Ah, there lay the rub! The town I lived in had about 400 people. And believe me, serious Catholics were hard to find, even in the big cities!

I remembered what my dear mentor and older friend had said to me. “If you want to be a wife and mother, Leane, start now by learning everything you can about that important vocation. Roll up your sleeves and practice cooking, cleaning, sewing, music, art. Read good books on the subject….on parenting, gardening, ‘good wife’ books, etc.”

This is one reason I had left my job in the big city. To me, it was not helping me get to my final goal. No, it was hindering it. No one could understand why I left and went to pump gas. But I had a goal. And part of that goal was being back home helping Mom and Dad.

Now, life did not go all that smoothly from this point on. But circumstances led me to write a dear priest in the U.S. and I asked him what I should do. He told me to come to his Apostolate, help him by working in the office, and he would help me, mentor me, on my journey.

I did this. I was there for eleven months, serving this dear priest’s apostolate, going to Mass and Benediction each day. It was a time of spiritual growth. I learned so much about my Faith! And I met my husband, who had also come to serve at this Catholic Shrine…..

The point being, if you are downcast about being “unpicked”, don’t be! You have much to learn and it can be very fulfilling! It can also be fun! It really can be!

Get some cookbooks and start planning the meals!

Learn to sew, crochet, arrange flowers, paint, etc.

Join the Legion of Mary, serve others…at home and elsewhere.

Serve the busy mothers with many children….babysit for them, help with their homeschooling.

Be with the children. Read to them, teach them Catechism. There is nothing so beautiful as a young woman who spends herself for the little ones….

Work hard wherever you are at!

But the most important thing is growing spiritually! If you can go to daily Mass, do it! Pray for your future spouse.

Read good spiritual Catholic books. I have two lists you can look at:

My Book List

Book List for the Youth

Learn to be happy, even in trying circumstances. This is the very thing that will carry you through when your vocation is in place and the crosses come.

Life is an adventure! Give, give, give to God and He will more than meet you half way! But be on the lookout for what He is trying to teach you. Have an open heart to His Voice. We do this by grace.

We often don’t recognize His Voice but if you are doing what it takes, He will lead you to what His Will is for you. And ultimately, that is what will make you happy!

In my little fairy tale story above, I have one sentence that is very important and I didn’t expound on: After I moved back home, life did not go all that smoothly from this point on.

My family life was not great. I met discouragement, I was in tears at times, things could look black. It wasn’t roses. But I kept seeking and praying…and trying to have peace with it all.

God didn’t turn a deaf ear to me. I had to be patient. Patience is one of the hardest things to learn…and it is something that will have to be practiced all through our lives.

God is not turning a deaf ear to you! Are you kidding? He loves you and has something wonderful in mind for you!

You must get through the lonely times, those times when you feel “unpicked” and remember….God sees the bigger picture, you don’t. Keep that in mind and seek for inner happiness, through the grace of God, in the interim. Work towards getting “better” not “bitter”!

You will be blessed!

You may also like this post, In Praise of Unmarried Women.

In spite of all its trials, marriage promises to the young couple happiness in abundance. There is the first happiness of home-making and the supreme joy that comes when they look upon their first-born and know it to be theirs. Strength comes of working out together life’s problems and of “halving sorrow and doubling joy by sharing them.” Pride thrills them as their sons grow strong and their daughters charming. Courage springs from knowing that they do not work nor walk alone. Then, when their work is largely done and their children go off to found their own families or give themselves to God, they feel the calm happiness of turning their faces toward heaven with the sense of a gathered harvest, full granaries, and their Master waiting to bless them for a crowded and useful life. -Fr. Daniel A. Lord

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SavePrayers for use by the laity in waging spiritual warfare from the public domain and the Church’s treasury. The book has an imprimatur from the Archdiocese of Denver.

St. John Vianney, the Cure d’Ars, though he was not thought competent to preach or hear confessions, became one of the greatest preachers and confessors of his age.

The 19th century was one of optimism for French Catholicism, but, following the horrors of the French Revolution, there was also a feeling of lukewarmness and an approach to the moral life that felt sin could not be all that bad.

St. John Vianney, on the other hand, would not suffer to see souls be damned for lukewarmness. His preaching permeates with the love of God first and foremost, and clear prescriptions for leading his flock to heaven.

Esteemed Calling – The Single Vocation in the World

24 Monday May 2021

Posted by Leanevdp in Singles

≈ 1 Comment

Painting by Gregory Frank Harris

by Fr. Dominic J. Unger, O.F.M., 1958, The Mystery of Love for the Single

The high esteem in which this calling was held in the life of the Church will be illustrated later on the bridal concept of this life and in the history of virginal life in the Church.

One can easily demonstrate how such a vocation is in complete accord with right reason. Let us begin with those who for some cause are hindered from choosing the married state.

There are many people of both sexes who because of special circumstances of health or character or temporal needs must remain single.

Many men and women are not meant for the priesthood or for the religious life, or even for secular institutes, either because of unfitness through sickness or a peculiar character, or because of circumstances which necessitate their staying at home to support aged parents or orphaned brothers or sisters, or because there was no opportunity for marriage, or because for reasons of study or a career they passed by opportunities of marriage until it was too late.

Those that are unfit for the priesthood or convent life should not be pushed into married life if they are not qualified for that either. Because of character or sickness they might not fit even in the married state.

A mother, in particular, is often at fault in wanting to marry off her daughter at any cost after she could not take the convent life. To marry one off just so he or she will not be an old bachelor or an old maid is erroneous theology and foolish reasoning.

Celibacy and virginity are not a calamity to be avoided at any price. It was precisely for those who after the late war had no opportunity of marriage that Pope Pius XII, as we saw, said their lives need not be useless.

They too have a vocation if, in their singleness, they devote themselves to social works and, of course, observe perfect chastity. They need not be mere reluctant bachelors or spinsters.

True, if such had been fit or had had the opportunity for marriage, they would have chosen this vocation; but since that is out of reach for them, they should consider it God’s will that they live a single life in the world devoted to works of charity.

They must live in perfect chastity in any case; they might as well get the most out of it for themselves and mankind by their charitable services. That such a vocation is pleasing to God and willed by Him is clear, or else He could never permit situations to arise in which one is forced to remain single.

Perhaps it was in the design of Divine Providence to permit the late war and its aftermath that deprived many of the opportunity of marriage in order to teach the modern world that a single life in perfect chastity is according to His will and can be most valuable for humanity.

We must, however, establish that this vocation of perpetual perfect chastity in the world is legitimate even for those who are not forced to remain in it, even for those who would be qualified for one of the other vocations but who wish to choose this form of life as more suited to their inclinations and loves.

Such a vocation would be unlawful only if all men and women were obliged to be priests and/or religious or to get married. That not all are capable of being, much less obliged to be, priests or religious needs no proof.

And we showed above that God’s command to Adam and Eve to make use of the marriage rights binds the whole race as such, to the extent that some always must marry and have children for the continuance of the race.

But there never will be any danger that too many will forego marriage or the having of children so that the race would become extinct. The instinct of fatherhood and motherhood was planted too deeply in the hearts of men and women by the Creator Himself.

Those, comparatively few, who wish to forego marriage will in no way jeopardize the preservation of the race. They are quite free to choose the single life of perfect chastity.

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The Single Vocation in the World/More Tea-Time With FF

22 Monday Feb 2021

Posted by Leanevdp in Singles, Tea-Time With FinerFem - Questions/My Answers, Youth, Youth/Courtship

≈ 3 Comments

by Fr. Dominic J. Unger, O.F.M., 1958, The Mystery of Love for the Single

There have always been enemies outside the Church who have attacked the celibacy of the clergy and denounced the perfect chastity of religious. With the defense of such single people we are not concerned directly, though much of what we say about chastity for the single in the world holds equally for the priests and religious.

Directly we are concerned with the vocation of men and women in the world who wish to live a life of perfect chastity in the single state. The legitimacy of this vocation has been attacked by those outside the Church. Even some Catholics seem to have had inaccurate, incomplete, and disparaging ideas on the matter.

We aim, therefore, to prove that it is lawful for people to remain in the world and live a single life of perfect chastity for the sublime purpose of attaining their primary end in life more easily and securely, thereby achieving a more complete and perfect personality, and ultimately for the purpose of obtaining a more perfect life of glory in heaven—all this for the greater honor and glory of Christ and God.

That such perfect chastity is quite legitimate is clear, first, from the fact that no one of less authority than Christ counselled it. He invited all those who feel capable of living that life to accept it when He said: “And there are eunuchs who have made themselves so for the kingdom of heaven’s sake. Let him accept it who can” (Matthew 19,12).

This invitation of Christ is general, it is not limited to priests or religious. His invitation implies that the vocation is difficult, but that it can be chosen freely by anyone who feels he can live it. And the reason He assigned for such a life is “for the kingdom of heaven’s sake.” Anyone may choose it for that reason, is Christ’s meaning; not merely those who for various reasons are barred from entering other vocations.

St. Paul, too, is warrant for the lawfulness of such a vocation of virginal love in the world. In his long and beautiful seventh chapter to the Corinthians about virginity and married life, he argues not only that this is a lawful vocation but that it is more perfect than the vocation of married life. For I would that you all were as I myself; but each one has his own gift from God, one in this way, and another in that. But I say to the unmarried and to widows, it is good for them if they so remain, even as I. (I Corinthians 7,7-8)

Later he explains: He who is unmarried is concerned about the things of the Lord, how he may please God. Whereas he who is married is concerned about the things of the world, how he may please his wife; and he is divided. And the unmarried woman, and the virgin, thinks about the things of the Lord, that she may be holy in body and in spirit. Whereas she who is married thinks about the things of the world, how she may please her husband.

Now this I say for your benefit, not to put a halter upon you, but to promote what is proper, and to make it possible for you to pray to the Lord without distraction. (1 Corinthians 7,32-35)

And he concludes: But she will be more blessed, in my judgment, if she remains as she is [namely, a virgin]. And I think St. Paul was speaking directly of women virgins, but his thoughts have equal force for men who live in perfect chastity. That is evident from the fact that he proposes himself as a model even for the women virgins.

In view of that clear teaching of Christ and St. Paul, it is not surprising that Holy Mother Church, who is herself the virginal Spouse of Christ, approved of this vocation from the very beginning, and protected it against the attacks of heretics and immoral persons. By her infallible authority she has declared that this vocation is better, in itself, than that of the married.

The Council of Trent made this statement: “If anyone says that the conjugal state is to be preferred to the state of virginity or celibacy, and that it is not better and more blessed to remain in virginity or celibacy than to enter matrimony, let him be condemned. (Session 24, canon 10).

Though the Council had religious and priests more in mind, its canon was meant also for men and women who live a life of virginity in the world.

In our own day Pope Pius XII, in a discourse on the vocation of woman in the modern world, praised the thousands who through the twenty centuries of the Church’s history have followed Christ’s counsel and freely renounced marriage to consecrate their services to humanity by prayer and penance, by every kind of work of charity toward children, the ignorant, the sick, the dying.

These remarks of the Pope do not refer exclusively to priests and religious. He praised those, too, who freely renounced marriage for the sake of a life of contemplation, of sacrifice and of charity. In regard to these, he said, one immediately thinks of a “vocation”; namely, that they have a true calling for that life from God.

Then, to encourage those who because of circumstances of war had to remain unmarried, he added that they, too, have a “vocation,” a call from God for their single lives, and their lives need not be useless for society. (Discourse, Oct. 21, 1945)

It would be quite erroneous to think that the Pope did not recommend a single life in the world except for those who were forced to remain unmarried. Such a deduction, as our analysis of the whole section shows, would be utterly false.

The Pope would never make such a primitive error in so important a matter of Christian living. He was speaking of a fact due to war conditions. He was not laying down an exclusive principle.

In fact, just before that he spoke of those who voluntarily choose such a vocation. For them it is a “vocation” without doubt. But it can be a “vocation,” he wished to explain, also for those who remain unmarried by force of circumstances.

Already prior to that discourse, on Holy Saturday, 1943, in an allocution to the Italian girls of Catholic Action, the Pope praised “the sons and daughters in the earliest Church, who freely renounced earthly nuptials for the love of Christ, consecrated all their powers to the duties of caring for souls, of Christian education, of charity, of foreign missions.”

He then spoke of those who were even martyred for their faith and purity. Only later does he mention religious. Those referred to earlier evidently include lay people who lived in perfect chastity, as is clear too from his speaking of the “earliest Church,” when there were no religious in the strict sense.

But the Holy Father gave a more solemn approval to the single life in the world in his encyclical On Holy Virginity, March 25, 1954. This document deals generally with virginity as lived by priests and religious, but many points apply equally to lay people who live in perfect chastity.

In one passage in particular he speaks expressly of lay people: But while such perfect chastity is the object of one of the three vows, of which the religious state consists, and while it is required of the clergy of the Latin Church in major Orders, and is demanded from the members of secular institutes; it, nevertheless, flourishes also among not a few who belong entirely to the laity.

For there are men and women who are not established in a public state of perfection, and still they abstain entirely from matrimony and the carnal pleasures by virtue of a resolve or a private vow, in order that they may more freely serve their fellow men and that they may unite their souls more easily and closely with God.

We have here an authoritative as well as an express approval of the single vocation even for those who are not forced into it but who choose it freely.

Virginal chastity in the world has, through the centuries, received at least implicit approval from the Vicars of Christ by the fact that they have beatified and canonized many men and women who lived this form of life. They have presented them to the whole world as models to be imitated.

A couple more questions were asked after my last “Tea-Time” and I thought it would be helpful to others to answer them here. They were asked in the comments so I thought the ladies wouldn’t mind if I put them on the post…

I have a question–what advice do you have for mothers with morning sickness? Our routine completely falls apart and my husband works hard to care for all the children and me all by himself. It is discouraging and very difficult for everyone. My moods during pregnancy also lower my quality as a mother. What spiritual advice would you give me? Thank you and I love your work!

I sent this question to my daughters and daughter-in-law. Here is the “thread” of answers:

“Father said it is a woman’s time of exodus.. You literally have to offer it up to God and do what you possibly can do to survive. Each day is just trying to get your basic prayers in. Like you said morning, night, rosary… Otherwise leave it in God’s hands…He knows what you’re going through. Unless there’s very specific areas which she could possibly work on I can’t think of how it necessarily would be helped…except by offering it up. Looking at our pregnancies a lot of times it is just survival. But somehow God seems to bless us and pull us through.”

“Exactly! That’s why I tremble in my boots thinking about pregnancy. I know I will be passed out, sicker than a dog, for 4ish months. You have to just live one day at a time and be grateful that you can have children. (Progesterone cream for mood swings.)”

“And depending on the man, it’s his time of exodus also. They definitely have to pick up a ton of slack and especially if he’s a good and caring man. Now that I am thinking of it, it just amazes me how good our guys are and how much they do to help us during that time!”

“I never suffered severe morning sickness so I can’t completely relate. But, like all things in life, the gifts, the crosses, we strive to accept them both with a joyful heart and offer them up to God. And allow ourselves LOTS of grace when the going is rough. God knows we can’t do it all, all the time. We demand so much of ourselves, always trying to be ‘perfect’ that we have a hard time truly letting God ‘handle the reins.’ Practically, you do what you can and let go of the rest. Focus on nutrition, supplements, rest, and if available and financially feasible, seek outside help when necessary. Never be too proud to ask for help!”

Question: I follow your blog for quite some time and I enjoy it, it is like a breath of fresh air. I have a question: what would you advise to a single young woman who is alone, still waiting for soul mate, but I try to choose noble and more feminine jobs that would protect me from indecent behaviors. So I would like to hear your advice about possible jobs or your experience. Thank you very much and may God bless your family.

You are wise. There are jobs that are more feminine than others, and, if you have the choice, seek out the ones that help to build those qualities, rather than tear them down.

For myself, I worked in an office for the few years before I got married. I took quite a pay cut by quitting my one job to go to another. But I did not like the atmosphere in the government job I held. The women were very catty and unfeminine….and I was surrounded. So I vouched for the other job and was much happier…the money was not as important to me.

I think jobs where you help others….nursing home, nanny, etc. are very valuable. You are not only making a necessary income, but it is an apostolate, as you are working with souls. This brings out the feminine, nurturing side of a young woman, which is always good.

This being said, my girls go out on the job with their brothers and dad. They paint…which means they sand, they lift, they clean, etc. I’m not at the job with them but even though this job may not seem very feminine, the guys respect them, they wear their work skirts on the job and I am sure they work hard while being a lady. It can be done….

We may not have choices so God provides in our journey. Prayer always can change circumstances and put those more feminine choices in our paths.

You may have read this post: If You Want to Find the Right Person, You Must BE the Right Person, and it is not completely on topic to your question but it may be one you enjoy.

Often turn to Our Lord, Who is watching you, poor frail little being that you are, amid your labors and distractions. He sends you help and blesses your afflictions. This thought should enable you to bear your troubles patiently and quietly, for love of Him Who only allows you to be tried for your own good. -St. Francis de Sales

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A Frank, Yet Reverent Instruction on the Intimate Matters of Personal Life for Young Men. To our dear and noble Catholic youths who have preserved, or want to recover, their purity of heart, and are minded to retain it throughout life. For various reasons many good fathers of themselves are not able to give their sons this enlightenment on the mysteries of life properly and sufficiently. They may find this book helpful in the discharge of their parental responsibilities in so delicate a matter.

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Woman in Single Life – The Task of Woman in the Modern World

15 Wednesday Apr 2020

Posted by Leanevdp in Singles, Vocation

≈ 4 Comments

Painting by Gregory Frank Harris

by Janet Kalven, 1946

The task of the unmarried woman is, by her whole-hearted surrender to God, to make virginity spiritually fruitful in the world. In embracing virginity, she should radiate purity and nobility of soul.

Her very existence, like that of the virgin consecrated in religion, should be a strong positive influence upholding the dignity of womanhood and the sanctity of marriage.

By developing her capacity for spiritual motherhood, she should become a source of strength and comfort and inspiration to mankind. Never has the world been so full of misery, so desperately in need of the healing influence of woman’s love.

The mission of the unmarried woman in this time is to give the full riches of her maternal love and devotion to alleviate the sufferings and renew the hope of mankind.

In order to accomplish her vocation, the single woman must find an appropriate sphere in which she can carry out her dedication to God through loving service of human beings.

She must strike out on new paths, searching for types of work in which she can use her womanly talents and develop her woman’s nature.

In the education and formation of the young; in agriculture, tending growing plants and animals; in the care of the sick, the weak, the poor, the helpless, woman finds fields of activity appropriate to her capacities as nurturer of life.

Unfortunately, work as it is carried on in these fields today often affords small opportunity for the use of woman’s characteristic talents.

In medicine, in education, in social work, we suffer from depersonalization, from too much large scale organization and mechanical routine, from too much concern with the physical aspects of the process.

We need women to pioneer in these fields again, bringing with them their gift for warmly personal service and creating truly womanly occupations.

We need women who will help to restore the emphasis on the spiritual, and who will make the work of healing, of teaching, of relieving the distressed a full expression of living charity between human persons.

“Youth is at the same time the most beautiful and the most dangerous period of life; it can be the most blessed, or the most fatal of seasons. It is the time of poetry and romance, of dreams and visions, of aspirations and ambitions, of the noblest impulses and the grandest resolves. But it is also the season of inexperience and immaturity, of impulsiveness and impetuosity, of conceit, of hasty ideas, undigested plans and precipitate action. By one heroic decision a young person can lay the foundations of future greatness; and by one misstep a youth can start headlong and irresistibly to utter and irretrievable ruin.”-Rev. Fulgence G. Meyer, 1920’s

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In Praise of UnMarried Women – Fr. Daniel A. Lord

21 Tuesday Jan 2020

Posted by Leanevdp in Singles, Virtues, Vocation

≈ 5 Comments

Painting by Joseph Rodefer DeCamp

By DANIEL A. LORD, S.J.

Australian Catholic Truth Society 1950

Whatever literature may say about spinsters, and however much history may ignore them – except for outstanding spinsters like Elizabeth of England – the Church’s attitude toward unmarried women has been, from the first, one of reverence.

This I came to know when my faith emerged from mere youthful practice to intelligent study and appreciation. Among the Jews a spinster was merely an unfortunate girl not lucky enough to have won a husband for herself. Among the pagans she was usually the slave or bondmaiden, the grudgingly tolerated hanger-on in the house of her parents or her luckier married sisters. Continue reading →

Single….Unpicked

10 Tuesday Oct 2017

Posted by Leanevdp in by Leane Vdp, Singles, Vocation, Youth

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