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Category Archives: Friendship

Friendships ~ Beautiful Girlhood

03 Wednesday May 2023

Posted by Leanevdp in Beautiful Girlhood, Friendship, Kindness

≈ 2 Comments

From Beautiful Girlhood, Mabel Hale

“A friend loveth at all times.”

Friendship is a wonderful thing. The love of friendship is often stronger than the love of brotherhood and sisterhood. There is a cord of tenderness and appreciation binding those who are friends which is lovely beyond words to express it.

Every truehearted girl loves her friends with a devotion that beautifies her life and enlarges her heart. She who is unable to be true in friendship has little of value in her.

A friendship does not grow up spontaneously. It must have a good soil in which to take root, good seed from which to start, and care and cultivation, in order to become its best. The good soil is sincerity and truth coupled with kindness and affection. The good seed is love and appreciation.

And it must be watched closely that no weeds of jealousy or envy creep in, and the soil must be constantly stirred by kind acts, words of appreciation and affection, and mutual admiration. There dare be no selfish interests nor evil suspicions in true friendship. The smallest bit of mistrust will blight it like frost. Friendship is tender, but it is beautiful.

An old friend is more to be prized than a new one. The longer friendship stands the stronger it becomes, if it be the genuine kind. New friends spring up and fall away, but old friends cling to you through all.

Hold fast your old friends, and those who have been friends to your father before you. They have your interests at heart. They will judge kindly when new friends condemn.

A person is made better or worse by his friends. If they are well chosen and faithful they build up and make strong the best that is in one; but if they are unwisely chosen they drag down and destroy all that is pure within. For a man will be like his friends. Show me the friends of a girl, those whom she most appreciates, and I will tell you what kind of girl she is though I never see her.

Good girls have friends who are pure, noble, sincere. Girls who are careless of their deportment and reputation have just the other kind. You will find them seeking friends among those who are light-minded. A girl cannot rise higher than the level of her friends. Either they will lift her up, or she will descend to their level.

A girl should have many friends, but only a very few intimate friends. There is an inner circle into which a girl with true womanly instinct cannot invite many. Her nature is such that she must have a confidant, one to whom she feels free to tell out her heart’s deepest secrets; but she is foolish indeed who tries to be thus confidential with many. The safest girl is the one who makes her mother her most confidential friend.

Every girl wants a chum. A chum used in the right way is a good thing in any girl’s life. But there is a chumminess that is detrimental in the extreme. When a chum comes into a girl’s heart closer than any other person, and to that chum is told every little secret, not only of the teller, but of her family also, and into her ears is poured out every bit of gossip and slander the girl hears, that chum is a detriment.

When two girls plan together against the laws and management of their homes, vowing undying fidelity to each other in their secrets, chums become a menace indeed.

But when two girls can be understanding friends, each able to go to the other for help and encouragement, and whose plans and lives are kept open for the inspection of interested mothers, such friendships are good.

Fickleness in friendship is a common girlish fault. Youth changes so fast that she who pleases for a while soon becomes dull. For a few weeks or months the vials of love and devotion are poured out on the chosen chum, and then in a moment of misunderstanding the cords are broken, and in another day bound upon another friend.

To the new friend are poured out all the secrets gained from the old friend, and so the gossip grows. A girl who will become “miffed” with her friend, and tell what she has sacredly promised to keep is not worthy of being called a friend.

Some girls take their girlhood friendships too seriously. They allow a sentimental love to bind itself around a chum so that a few weeks of separation may cause “oceans of tears” to be shed. The red-eyed one goes about feeling herself a martyr to love, when she is only enjoying a foolish sentiment. In friendship be sensible.

When girls have friends among the men and boys, even more care should be used in their selection and treatment than when with girls. There is only a small margin between the love of friendship and romance, and what the girl may have begun only as friendship may develop into something more serious.

Again, if a girl will make herself too familiar in her friendships with the other sex, she is liable to give them a wrong conception of her. She may appear to them to be only a “good fellow,” and they may interpret that appellation to mean that she has let down some of her womanly guards and does not expect to be treated with the deference and respect usually given to good women. Any girl is in a dangerous position when she gets this reputation.

When girls work and play with men and boys, as they all will do sometime or other, they should be sociable, friendly, even jolly in their association together, but never should girls forget that it is their place to avoid and resent any bold familiarity, and that every true man or boy will respect them for keeping up their guards.

True friendship will never ask a woman to step down from her womanly dignity and discretion. She holds her honor and her appearance of honor higher than everything else.

My dear friend, choose your friends carefully, and keep them loyal. While you are kind to those who have fallen, remember that it is not for you, a young girl, to raise them up by seeking their company. You are too easily drawn away yourself.

Let your friends be chosen from among those whom you can admire and emulate, that is, those whose conversation and deportment will lead you up instead of down. Keep in mind, of course, the two classes of friends, that outward group to whom you are always sociable and friendly and the inner group with whom you become really intimate.

One should be friends with those who need friendship even if they are not so desirable, but no girl can become intimate with people of low standards and morals without becoming contaminated. If you are a young Christian, seek out friends among those who are longer in the service and keep out of the company of those who draw your mind away from things that are right.

Old friends of your parents who have proved themselves true in all circumstances in the past, respect and cherish also, though they may seem queer and out of fashion now. Those who have loved and advised your father and your mother will be all the more careful in advising you. Though they be plain people and little used to the things common to you, listen to them and use their advice as far as you can.

Be a true friend yourself. Never let it be said that in you was placed confidence that was not deserved. “A man that hath friends must shew himself friendly.”

Having a happy home is crucial to the spreading of our faith. To whom do we want to spread our faith? First of all, to our children. They need to see the deep and lasting beauty of our faith shining forth in our everyday lives, making our home beautiful and happy. Our faith should be an unspoken reality, the undercurrent in the everyday bubbling brook, that flows into every facet of our lives, without it being brassy or aggressive. ~Finer Femininity

Very good book for Catholic youth!

Clean Love in Courtship by Fr. Lawrence G. Lovasik

“This booklet contains practical advice on the subjects of dating and choosing a spouse from the Catholic theological viewpoint. Father Lovasik points out clearly what one’s moral obligations are in this area, providing an invaluable aid to youthful readers. Additionally, he demonstrates that Catholic marriage is different from secular marriage and why it is important to choose a partner who is of the Catholic Faith if one would insure his or her personal happiness in marriage. With the rampant dangers to impurity today, with the lax moral standards of a large segment of our society, with divorce at epidemic levels, Clean Love in Courtship will be a welcome source of light and guidance to Catholics serious about their faith.”

Surrender Novena Prayer Card and Wire Wrapped Chaplet ~ Fr. Dolindo Ruotolo!

This chaplet is designed to be prayed with the Surrender Novena, which was given to Servant of God, Fr. Don Dolindo Ruotolo.

Each link is handmade and wrapped around itself to ensure quality. Available here. (Frames around centerpiece may vary)

SURRENDER TO THE WILL OF GOD ~ “Jesus, You take over!”

Great prayer against worry, fear, anxiety, depression and stress!

Prayer by Father Dolindo Ruotolo 1882-1970 – Servant of God, Man Who Padre Pio Called a Saint!

Father Don Dolindo Ruotolo was a Neapolitan priest (1882-1970), stigmatized miracle worker and “mouthpiece of the Holy Spirit”.

Father Ruotolo had extraordinary communications with Jesus throughout his heroic life, a life that was totally devoted to God and Holy Mother Mary. He referred to himself as “the Madonna’s little old man” and the Rosary was his constant companion.

As you can see from this novena, “Jesus, You take care of it”, should be the first words that come to mind and flows from our lips.

Many miracles have been obtained through this novena.

Read more about the Surrender Novena here.

Since its 1885 debut, the Catechism commissioned by the Third Council of Bishops in Baltimore has instructed generations of Catholic faithful.

With an easy to read question and answer format, the Catechism combines solid Catholic doctrinal teaching with meaningful exposure to Scripture and practical application.

The revival of interest in the Baltimore Catechism reflects Catholics growing realization that a clear, concise presentation of the truths of the Faith is just what people young and old need to appreciate, practice and defend Church teaching. Catechists and parents will find this Catechism an invaluable teaching tool as they prepare children and catechumens to receive the Sacraments and lead authentic Catholic lives. Students will find this an uncomplicated and friendly guide to authentic Catholicism.

The Set contains all four of our Baltimore Catechisms; No. 1; No. 2; No. 3 and No. 4 – the Explanation of the Baltimore Catechism (teacher\’s edition).

These are the original TAN editions of the Baltimore Catechism, with updated typesetting, fresh new covers, larger format, quality bindings and the same trusted content.

Brother Lawrence was a man of humble beginnings who discovered the greatest secret of living in the kingdom of God here on earth. It is the art of “practicing the presence of God in one single act that does not end.” He often stated that it is God who paints Himself in the depths of our souls. We must merely open our hearts to receive Him and His loving presence.
As a humble cook, Brother Lawrence learned an important lesson through each daily chore: The time he spent in communion with the Lord should be the same, whether he was bustling around in the kitchen—with several people asking questions at the same time—or on his knees in prayer. He learned to cultivate the deep presence of God so thoroughly in his own heart that he was able to joyfully exclaim, “I am doing now what I will do for all eternity. I am blessing God, praising Him, adoring Him, and loving Him with all my heart.”
This unparalleled classic has given both blessing and instruction to those who can be content with nothing less than knowing God in all His majesty and feeling His loving presence throughout each simple day.

 

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Love of Neighbor ~ Essay of Love, 1912

18 Tuesday Apr 2023

Posted by Leanevdp in Friendship, Virtues

≈ 1 Comment

Essay of Love, 1912, by Ernest R. Hull, S.J.

THE LOVE OF OUR NEIGHBOR

Turning now to human beings, but still confining ourselves to the purely spiritual part of man, our chief task is to apply the foregoing distinction between the love of concupiscence and the love of benevolence. We have said something about these two kinds of love as shown towards God. Now we shall consider them as they can subsist between a man and his fellow-creatures.

Revelation teaches us that our primary duty, which is the summing up of all detailed commandments, is first, to love the Lord Our God with all our heart and mind and soul and strength; and secondly, to love our neighbor as ourselves.  This latter clause provides the starting point for our present section.

By our neighbor is not meant merely the man that lives next door. It includes, actually, every human being that comes within the range of our experience, while potentially, and as a disposition of mind, it extends to the whole human race.

As there is a great variety in the nearness or remoteness of different “neighbors,” it is only natural that this love should admit of vastly different degrees of intensity, and that special relationships should introduce what amounts practically to differences in kind — love of parents, of brothers and sisters, of relatives, of acquaintances, of our fellow-countrymen, and the rest.

Leaving these variations alone just now, we confine ourselves to the root-idea of love for our neighbor in its widest sense. This does not necessarily involve the least touch of passion or even of emotion; for the love commanded is a purely spiritual love.

OUR REPULSIVE NEIGHBOR

Now it is impossible to avoid the fact that while some of our fellow-beings seem to us good and amiable, others strike us as in various degrees repulsive — so that in practical effect we fail to find in them anything to love, in fact, as far as our feelings are concerned, we positively detest them, and they seem to deserve it.

The archaic saying: “Love thy friends and hate thine enemies” had thus a rational basis, since friends always present themselves as amiable and enemies as odious.

But Christian revelation carries us deeper down below the surface of things and, without in any way denying or ignoring the limitations of human nature, lifts us above them, and provides us with a view more like that of God himself.

If there is any being who realizes the odiousness, the repulsiveness of certain creatures, it is God Himself; and yet He loves all his creatures, even the most detestable of them. And why? Not because He twists or perverts the proper order of things so as to love evil as if it were good; but because He sees some goodness under the surface which we, with our limited vision, fail to perceive.

He sees not only the goodness which is actually hidden away in them, but also the goodness of which they are capable, and which He desires for them. Hence he can quite naturally love them with a love of benevolence — glad that they are not worse than they are, and desirous that they should become better than they are.

THE SAME DISTINCTION AGAIN

The love of our neighbor, including the repulsive neighbor, is generally a puzzle for most minds. But the grand distinction between concupiscent and benevolent love comes to our rescue, and makes the matter as plain and simple as daylight.

We are not commanded by God to love our neighbor with the love of concupiscence. Such a command would be impossible to carry out. We simply cannot desire our neighbor except so far as he presents himself as desirable. And some of them certainly present themselves as highly undesirable.

We cannot desire our neighbor, except so far as we feel in ourselves some void which he can fill, or unless his presence adds something to our well-being.

Some of our neighbors, on the contrary, empty us rather of what we have got, or put into us things which we would fain be rid of; while the majority of men are so remote and out of touch that their existence makes not the slightest difference to us.

No, what God commands of us is a love like His own — a love of pure benevolence. This consists in a state of good-will towards mankind in general, disinterested and calm — a gladness in thinking that all is well with them, a general wish for their continued well-being.

This general attitude of mind remains, and may legitimately remain merely an attitude, until some individual comes into contact with us, or falls within the sphere of our activity. In that case this benevolence must become concrete so far as circumstances require and must issue in a certain readiness to promote his well-being so far as this is feasible and reasonable.

Herein consists the positive fulfillment of the “second and great commandment.” This benevolence may arise above the minimum to any degree of intensity; but it must never fall to zero, still less must it ever degenerate into the contrary.

Thus, we must never rejoice over our neighbor’s present evils, or wish future evils to befall him; nor must we ever entertain jealousy or envy over his prosperity or well-being.

The idea will be made most clear by considering the case of our deadly and active enemy. We may honestly wish that he were out of our way, that he were prevented from molesting us. We may even legally seek his

suppression and punishment if his misconduct brings him under the law; we may even pray (piously, not ironically) that God may see good to translate him to a better life.

But in all this there must not be a vestige of malice. Our desire of relief from his aggression must never issue in wishing him evil as such. Even our appeal to the police must be free from a spirit of vengeance, or a wish to “take it out of him;” and the coercive punishments we bring upon him must be viewed only as a just maintenance of the social order, and a means of bringing him to a better frame of mind.

In other words, the spirit of benevolence must always honestly prevail.

Jesus could have come into this world in many ways; but He chose to begin life like all other men, cradled beneath the heart of a woman. When the eternal God took flesh in the womb of the Virgin Mary and willed to be the object of a mother’s tender nursing, care, and love, then was motherhood raised to the zenith of splendor and beauty, then was the law of nature made perfect by the law of grace. ~Fr. Lawrence Lovasik

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An Englishman living as a monk in the Italian Alps is called to England to rebut and neutralize the efforts of an aggressively hostile anti-Catholic to proselytize the English.

Seriously wounded at the siege of Pamplona in 1521, Don Inigo de Loyola learned that to be a Knight of God was an infinitely greater honor (and infinitely more dangerous) than to be a Knight in the forces of the Emperor. Uli von der Flue, humorous, intelligent and courageous Swiss mercenary, was responsible for the canon shot which incapacitated the worldly and ambitious young nobleman, and Uli became deeply involved in Loyola’s life. With Juanita, disguised as the boy Juan, Uli followed Loyola on a pilgrimage to the Holy Land to protect him, but it was the saint who protected Uli and Juan. Through Uli’s eyes we see the surge and violence of the turbulent period in Jerusalem, Spain and Rome.
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False Goods and Friendship ~ St. Francis de Sales / New Podcast! Holy Week ~ Maria von Trapp

28 Tuesday Mar 2023

Posted by Leanevdp in Friendship, Podcasts - Finer Femininity, Tidbits for Your Day

≈ 1 Comment

St. Francis de Sales warns us of false friendships, and that oftentimes the things we deem as something to be sought after in a friend are really vain and shallow.

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In the Orchard, 1891, Tarbell, Edmund

Friendship by St. Francis de Sales

Among the passions, love holds first place: It is the king of the heart’s movements and it converts everything to it, rendering the one who loves similar to the one loved.

Be very careful, therefore, dear Reader, not to have any evil love, because you will in turn quickly become evil yourself.

Friendship is the most dangerous of all loves. Why? Because other loves can exist without communication, exchange, closeness. But friendship is completely founded upon communication and exchange and cannot exist in practice without sharing in the qualities and defects of the friend loved.

Not all love is friendship: First of all, because one can love without being loved. It may then be love, but not friendship. For friendship is mutual, reciprocal, and if it is not reciprocated, it is not friendship.

Secondly, because it is not enough that it be reciprocal; it is also essential that those who love each other recognize their mutual love. If they are unaware of it, it is not friendship.

Thirdly, because in friendship there must exist some kind of exchange or communication, for such is the foundation of friendship.

Friendship differs according to the different kinds of communication, and the communications differ according to the variety of goods exchanged. If these are false goods, then the friendship is false.

Honey gathered from the best flowers is the best. So too, the better the goods exchanged, the better the friendship. It is said that the honey of Heraclea, gathered from aconite, which is very abundant in that region, renders mad those who eat it.

So too, friendship founded on the exchange of false and vicious goods is itself completely false and vicious.

The exchange of carnal delights ought not to be called friendship in human relations any more than it would be called such in donkeys or horses.

If marriage implied only this kind of exchange, it would no longer deserve to be called friendship. In addition to this there must be a communication of life, of work, of feelings, and finally an indissoluble fidelity.

With these dimensions the friendship of marriage is a true and holy friendship. Friendship founded on the exchange of sensual pleasures is gross and unworthy of the name of friendship, and so too is that based on vain and frivolous qualities, since these also depend on the senses.

I call sensual pleasures those which are attached directly and principally to the five senses: the pleasure of seeing beauty, of hearing a sweet voice, of touching pleasant things… I term frivolous qualities those capacities, innate or acquired, which superficial people call “virtues” or “perfections.”

Just listen to young people; they do not hesitate to conclude that a person has great qualities simply because he dances well, dresses well, sings well, chats pleasantly, has a fine appearance or is skilled in all kinds of games.

Do not charlatans consider the biggest clowns to be the most accomplished people in their group? Since all this relates only to the level of the senses, we can qualify as sensual those friendships based on such.

They really deserve to be called amusements rather than friendships. Such are ordinarily the friendships among young people, stopping as they often do at such things as moustaches, hair, glances, clothing, attractiveness, small talk – friendships worthy of that age whose virtue is still only downy and whose judgment is just in the bud: friendships which are but fleeting, melting like snow in the sun.

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Friendships in the family require care and culture—as do other friendships. We must win one another’s love inside the home doors just as we win the love of outside friends. We must prove ourselves worthy; we must show ourselves unselfish, self forgetful, thoughtful, and kind, tender, patient, helpful. Then when we have won each other we must keep the treasure of affection and confidence, just as we do in the case of friends not in the sacred circle of home. -J.R. Miller

“There is an old legend circulating in the old country, still fervently believed by the children, that all the bells fly to Rome on Holy Thursday, where the Holy Father blesses them; they return in time for the Gloria on Holy Saturday…..”

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In this engrossing work, the seraphic doctor, Saint Bonaventure, and Arnold of Bonneval, a Benedictine abbot, offer some of the most profound insights into the seven last words of Christ. Arnold, a friend of Saint Bernard of Clairvaux, is believed to be the first person to write on the seven last words, inspiring Bonaventure. While the seven last words have been glossed over for centuries by Christians, it is now time to uncover their hidden and powerful meaning—for there is no greater meditation than pondering the Teacher’s last lecture. In Christ’s seven last words, we find the necessary direction to reach the heights of perfection.

Don Dolindo offers spiritual wisdom that you can apply to your daily life and shows you how to prepare for a holy death and the glory of the world to come. He describes the remarkable mystical experience of the soul’s awe-inspiring entrance into Heaven and explains the unique power of Our Blessed Mother to help us get there.

You’ll also learn:

  • The most important prayers that help free the Holy Souls in Purgatory
  • Why even venial sin impairs our relationship with God
  • Why good works, almsgiving, and penances are powerful atonements for sin
  • Why we need Our Lady’s maternity, humility, and love for souls
  • Why the saints delight in interceding for us
  • The sublime ecstasy and complete fulfillment that await us when we behold the Holy Trinity in Heaven

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How to Make and Keep Friends (Part One) – Rev. George A. Kelly, The Catholic Youth’s Guide

03 Monday May 2021

Posted by Leanevdp in Friendship, Youth

≈ 5 Comments

Father Kelly stresses this old adage that all of us must keep in mind, and especially our youth who are in such a vulnerable time of their lives….You become like the people you associate with.

by Rev. George A. Kelly, The Catholic Youth’s Guide to Life and Love

Eugene Guilbert, a researcher who to find out what teenagers think about certain subjects, once made a survey to learn how youngsters regard companions as an influence in their lives. He discovered what you probably already know—that you often value your friends’ opinions more than you value those of your parents or teachers. What’s more, you know what effect your companions can have on you.

Three out of every four boys Gilbert interviewed told him that companions were the worst influences in their lives. Two girls out of three said the same thing. Of course, if companions can be such a strong evil influence, they can also be a strong influence for good.

Choose Your Friends Wisely

If you stand aside and watch groups of boys and girls as they arrive at a movie theater or some other place, you’ll notice that the members of a particular group dress pretty much alike. Girls in one group wear white bobby socks and two-tone sport shoes with rubber soles. Boys in another crowd wear their hair cut in a certain way, flapping shirts, and the same kind of slacks or dungarees. Clothing is only one way in which teenagers conform.

You and your friends probably do the same things—listen to the same television programs, enjoy the same singers, like the same foods. That conformity is natural. Most adults also choose friends with similar tastes and interests.

My point is that if the interests of your group are good, you will be helped by belonging to it. If the interests are bad, you will be hurt. There’s nothing new about this.

They were saying, “Tell me who your friends are and I’ll tell you what you are,” hundreds of years before the invention of bobby socks. The group you join will have much more to do with your future than you probably imagine.

A boy I’ll call Danny moved into a new section of town just before entering high school as a freshman. He got to know a group of youngsters who were interested in having good times and “thrills” and cared little about school work.

Danny had been a good student in grade school, but his new group thought it sissy to waste time on homework. And although he could average eighty without hitting the books too hard, he knew that his pals would call him a grind. So he became perfectly content just to get passing marks.

Soon Danny and his friends began doing things they knew their parents disapproved of—just for the sake of doing them. They sneaked smokes before school every day, drank beer on the sly, went to see movies on the condemned list.

When they were old enough to drive, they borrowed a parent’s car and thought it was smart to see how long they could keep their foot pressed to the floor board on a highway leading into town.

Despite his good mind, Danny barely got by in high school. When he graduated, he only wanted to do what others of his group were doing—get a job, buy a car and live happily ever after. He got a job, and then a car. He had great fun for a few months. Then the thrill wore off. The job became boring and unchallenging.

Now Dan is twenty-three. Classmates who were in other groups have graduated from college and are getting jobs which offer bright futures. Dan sees this and realizes that his future would now be much more promising had he chosen his pals with care.

The most interesting part of the story is that Danny’s younger brother, Eddie, has just entered high school. No parent watches over his son as carefully as Danny does over Eddie. He says he won’t let his brother make the same mistake he did.

Any priest or teacher probably could cite dozens, if not hundreds, of other examples proving that your companions can be good or bad for you. A typical tale: Five boys were close friends throughout their high school days. Each proved to be a good influence for the others. Now all are college graduates and have found careers which will help them serve God and man to the best of their abilities. One is a priest, another a lawyer. Two are scientists and the fifth is an industrial designer. The four laymen are married to wonderful Catholic women, and to see them and their families together is a real inspiration.

If you’d taken each of these men at the age of fourteen and placed them in entirely different groups, they probably wouldn’t have turned out as well.

If you want to take a spectacular shortcut to success in your life, therefore, just remember this principle: associate with boys and girls who’ll help bring out the best—not the worst—of which you’re able.

“Everybody does it!” But you don’t have to! This point is almost equally important. You don’t have to do everything your pals do. We’ve all got our own minds and souls and so can’t excuse ourselves because “everybody’s doing it.”

There may come a time when your buddies may think of doing something you and they shouldn’t do. That’s when you’ll just have to take your stand. You needn’t work up a fever wondering how to get out of the project. It’s easy when you know how and when you try it.

Sally, Anne, Grace and Margaret planned to go to a movie together. One film had been heavily advertised and left no doubt that it was loaded with suggestive sex. It was classed as unsuitable by the Legion of Decency, and Margaret’s mother in particular had told her not to see it.

“Let’s go anyway,” Anne said. “Our mothers will never find out.” Two girls shrugged their shoulders, indicating that they’d go along with her.

Finally Margaret spoke. “I don’t want to lie to my mother. Let’s go somewhere else.” After a long discussion, the group agreed to attend a different theater.

Later, Sally took Margaret aside and said, “I’m glad you spoke up. I was afraid to say anything, but I’d have been ashamed to see that movie.”

Just because some in the crowd don’t object to a suggestion that’s off the beam doesn’t mean they approve of it. They may be too timid and want somebody with more gumption to talk for them. You needn’t be a soap-box orator, and you needn’t deliver a sermon. If you stand up for what you know to be true the others will respect you for it. They may not admit it, but in their hearts they know that you’re right.

The Art of Friendship

Psychologists say that all of us feel a great shock when we discover that some people don’t like us. We may talk about others and let the world know that we’d be happy if they’d leave our lives permanently. There may even be some people we can’t stand the sight of. It’s okay for us to feel that way, we reason, but it feels like a knife in our back when someone feels that way about us.

This desire to be liked is universal. It’s probably one of the strongest we have. And like most innate desires, it can be used to good advantage or to bad.

To good: when we’re willing to sacrifice our own selfish interests to keep the good will of someone we admire.

To bad: when we’ll do anything to avoid having someone angry, or seeming to be angry at us—as when a girl lets a boy paw her because she’s afraid he won’t date her again if she stops him.

There are two ways to be liked. Sometimes we get them confused. The first way is to be liked for something we do or some talent we have. That’s popularity.

The second way is to be liked because of our character and personality. That’s a deeper, more permanent kind of liking. It’s friendship. You can be popular and you can have real friends—people you can count on if you ever get into a serious jam. But you can also be popular without having friends and you can have real friends without being popular.

Let me explain. A boy I’ll call Johnnie had one of the best physiques I’ve ever seen. In high school, he made all the teams he could possibly go out for; in his sophomore year, he was the varsity halfback in football, high-scoring forward in basketball, star hitter in baseball. He was one of the most popular boys in his class. -Wherever he went, four or five others trailed behind, but he wasn’t really close to anyone. He had no friends whom he could really confide his troubles to, or who’d tell their problems to him.

During the second football game of his junior year, Johnnie broke his leg in a scrimmage. The doctor said he’d have to give up sports that year and probably the next year, too. As soon as Johnnie was no longer the star athlete, there was no reason for other boys and girls to flock around him. Before long, he was just another student—and he hadn’t one real friend.

I’m convinced that when Johnnie fractured his leg, he got a break in more ways than one. Some persons spend almost their entire lives without realizing that there’s a difference between popularity and friendship, and that while the first is nice, the second is the real thing. Johnnie learned in one lesson.

It may surprise you, but some beautiful women fall into Johnnie’s category. They’re so attractive and charming that men are too afraid of being outclassed to be at ease in their presence. The girls never get a chance to become truly friendly.

On the other hand, many boys and girls without outstanding talents, who probably couldn’t be elected to a class office, have many real friends who would give them real and sincere help whenever they need it.

I can’t give much help in advising you how to be popular. If you’re good at sports or are an outstanding musician and can entertain at parties, or if you have striking good looks that make the opposite sex anxious to be seen with you, you probably will be popular. However, I can pass along some thoughts to help you make and keep friends.

St. Francis de Sales on the company we keep: “Be very careful, therefore, dear reader, not to have any evil love, because you will in turn quickly become evil yourself.
Friendship is the most dangerous of all love. Why? Because other loves can exist without communication, exchange, closeness. But friendship is completely founded upon communication and exchange and cannot exist in practice without sharing in the qualities and defects of the friend loved.”

What are things that make people always look negative on things? Family, politics, the state of the Church are areas that can do that. What do we do about that to keep from being negative?

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A must-read for the married and those considering marriage! This guidebook to finding a happy marriage, keeping a happy marriage, and raising happy children has been out of print for over 50 years…until now! From the master of the spiritual life, Raoul Plus, S.J., it contains loads of practical and spiritual advice on family life. Have you been looking for a handbook on marriage and raising children that is based on truth? You’ve found it!

The saints assure us that simplicity is the virtue most likely to draw us closer to God and make us more like Him.

No wonder Jesus praised the little children and the pure of heart! In them, He recognized the goodness that arises from an untroubled simplicity of life, a simplicity which in the saints is completely focused on its true center, God.

That’s easy to know, simple to say, but hard to achieve.

For our lives are complicated and our personalities too. (We even make our prayers and devotions more complicated than they need be!)

In these pages, Fr. Raoul Plus provides a remedy for the even the most tangled lives.

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