I am a young woman and wish to have a Catholic marriage in my future. I am teaching at the moment and live by a good Catholic community.
I have the opportunity to pursue my degree in another area which I like much better than teaching. This would take up to 3 years but I would have to move and would not have the Catholic community close by. This would reduce my chances of meeting a good Catholic spouse.
But if I don’t get married, I would want to establish my career in something that I like. Should I leave my community and do this?
Answer:
“Seek first the kingdom of God and all these things shall be added unto you.”
I understand your quandary. Those are hard decisions. But when one makes these decisions with the health of their spiritual life in the forefront, it becomes a lot easier.
When I was a young woman (and I have written about this), I made the choice of leaving my very good job and eventually leaving my home to go and work at a Catholic Shrine for a dear priest who, I knew, would help me to grow in my faith. I was no longer making the money I could have been, I left hearth and home so I could grow closer to God and thus find the answers to my own vocation.
It wasn’t easy and the path wasn’t smooth but I met my husband there and we got married. It paid off greatly!
My husband, on the other hand, was a hard-working young man and was living with his parents, working at the neighboring greenhouse. He had saved up his money and spent all of if ($10,000) on blueberry bushes! He had a dream and could see the future before him.
The blueberry bushes were flourishing and the crop would be bountiful when the time came! It took three years for them to come to fruition. It would provide a great income and it was something my husband loved to do….grow things!
His family lived out in the boonies. It was a beautiful and scenic place. BUT they did not have the sacraments close by. His family chose to go to a reverent and traditional Mass that was 2 hours away each Sunday!
My husband decided that he needed the sacraments daily. So he asked the priest that I was working for if he could come and work for him….and thus be able to go to daily Mass, daily benediction, confession often, community rosary, etc.
My husband gave his blueberries to his parents. He walked away from his dream…for another and more important one! And his parents were blessed with his generosity in their old age.
And God has blessed us with eleven children and 41 grandchildren (the 41st born yesterday!) Was it worth it? Does it pay off to seek first the kingdom of God? You bet it does!
So…in life’s decisions, take stock of your intentions. Is it to seek God first?
We need the sacraments, we need a community, if at all possible. When you are single, you have the opportunity to be located where it is most efficacious for your spiritual life. Stay close to a community. This is what I would do. And, in the age we live in (really, though, at all times), we are desperately in need of grace! We can seek other ways to pursue our dreams in this digital and opportunity-filled age.
God will greatly reward you for any sacrifice you make…for Him!
NEW GRANDBABY!
Margy was about 10 days overdue with her second baby. We were all a little nervous about this birth as her last one was long and arduous, having to be transferred to the hospital midway through the labor. She was still able to deliver naturally but it was brutal!
So…when I got the call at 1:30 am and headed into the birth center, it was with prayer and hope, but not being able to expel all the fears, that I went to be with her.
She did well and delivered at 5:20 am. A little baby girl entered the world, Rose Elizabeth! Their little Sean is now a “big bruvver”!
A few pictures….
When children are taught that their chores can be prayer….that the drudgery can be applied to the sufferings of some other child somewhere, who has no bed to make, who must spend his nights curled up in a hole, shivering, starved, unhappy, and with no one to care for him…those same chores can be changed into great spiritual joy! -Mary Reed Newland, How to Raise Good Catholic Children http://amzn.to/2op5ZSs (afflink)
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Author Mary Reed Newland here draws on her own experiences as the mother of seven to show how the classic Christian principles of sanctity can be translated into terms easily applied to children even to the very young.
Because it’s rooted in experience, not in theory, nothing that Mrs. Newland suggests is impossible or extraordinary. In fact, as you reflect on your experiences with your own children, you’ll quickly agree that hers is an excellent commonsense approach to raising good Catholic children.
Fr. Lawrence Lovasik, the renowned author of The Hidden Power of Kindness, gives faithful Catholics all the essential ingredients of a stable and loving Catholic marriage and family — ingredients that are in danger of being lost in our turbulent age.
Using Scripture and Church teachings in an easy-to-follow, step-by-step format, Fr. Lovasik helps you understand the proper role of the Catholic father and mother and the blessings of family. He shows you how you can secure happiness in marriage, develop the virtues necessary for a successful marriage, raise children in a truly Catholic way, and much more.
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I get questions from you now and again and I think the answers could be beneficial to others so I have posted them here.
Question:
I’m curious about your take on extracurricular activities and big families. Last year we had two evening time activities two nights a week and it was not ideal. I’m feeling called to pull back and make sure we are all home in the evening. What is your take on extracurricular activities With large families? Both of our families are not Catholic, not large, and do lots of “extras” with our nieces and nephews. Sorry for the long comment. I wasn’t sure how to contact you through the website any other way.
Answer:
Socialization with like-minded people is very important. But so is home life. We try, and it has been through trial and error, to keep our social activities and a lot of the running around… for the weekend. And even then, if it is Friday, Saturday AND Sunday, we pull back if things ramp up too much.
I have older children now that make up their own minds about a lot of these things and since they are good and wholesome things they are involved in, (like choir, altar servers, visiting with the other couples, etc.) I don’t interfere…UNLESS they are not getting their chores done here at home or I see that they just don’t seem to be able to settle down at home here…ever. Then I will say something.
The kids need to get used to family time and not always feel the need to be doing something outside the home. Home needs to be the place of fulfillment. And that doesn’t always just come naturally…we have to work at it and protect it.
Home should not be just a place. Rather, it must be THE place. All else should be ‘outside.’ Home should be the center of activities and interests. It was built for births, courtship, marriage, and death. It is maintained so that children might grow, trained by precept and example – so that they will develop spiritually, mentally, and emotionally, just as they do physically. – Fr. Lawrence G. Lovasik. The Catholic Family Handbook
I notice with our couples (we have seven married and 41 grandchildren), that they will pick and choose the one event of the Weekend and go to it (oftentimes there are more than one thing going on each weekend). If they bring all their kids to every function, the kids become out-of-sorts and get used to (and like) the constant distraction and fun. Recreation and fun is important…but so is home time.
It is a balancing act for parents. We don’t necessarily need to make hard and fast rules about it, although rules laid out for the family is a good thing. If one is feeling pulled in all directions, or seeing that the home life is suffering, then choices (and maybe some well-defined guidelines) need to be made.
Question:
Please I would love to learn how to crochet these beautiful veils. Please are there links of the pattern I could follow? Please do share with me.
Answer:
My daughter, Rosie, makes the lovely doilies and crocheted veils. She started crocheting young and began making her own designs early. When I think about it, I am still miffed at her for giving her first-designed beautiful (and large) doily away to a young friend who probably tossed it in a heap. Haha! That first one was supposed to be Mom’s! ;-D
Anyway, I digress. There is not a set pattern, she wings it, so I don’t have a pattern. Sorry about that. (Sure made what could have been a short answer…long)!
Question:
Where are you going?
Answer:
😀 I asked that one for you! We are going to a wedding in North Dakota along with a family vacation. Then the Traditional Family Weekend will be shortly afterwards…so posting may be sparse. You may be relieved, right? 😉
BUT…since this is what I love to do, I may try and squeeze in a post or two.
The kids are heavily involved in the Talent Show and our family puts together the Family Weekend with the help of some great organizers! I will include pictures later.
You may want to get something like this started in your own community! Let’s face it, in these times, we have to go over and above to get our kids hanging out with like-minded families! Here is our itinerary: (And you are always welcome to come!)
“The Holy Family lived in a plain cottage among other working people, in a village perched on a hillside. Although they did not enjoy modern conveniences, the three persons who lived there made it the happiest home that ever was. You cannot imagine any of them at any time thinking first of himself. This is the kind of home a husband likes to return to and to remain in. Mary saw to it that such was their home. She took it as her career to be a successful homemaker and mother.”
-Fr. Lawrence G. Lovasik. The Catholic Family Handbook
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For ages 10 and up. Great stories of the saints for youth that are easy to read; yet extremely edifying and instructing! We all need good examples how to live a good Catholic life — these books will not overwhelm or turn off those who need them most.
Dear Young Lady, You are at a very important crossroad in your life. In the next short while your vocation will be settled and you will roll up your sleeves and fulfill God’s will in that role. This will, ultimately, be your means to happiness in this life and in the next.
You will be disciplined in the next 30 days to write down positive, thankful thoughts in this journal. You will be thinking about good memories, special moments, things and people you are grateful for, etc.
This will help you to work on that inner happiness that needs to be developed even before you find your vocation. Now is the time to improve your life!
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The following are answers to a few questions that I have received lately…
Question:
I love your website! I was wondering if you have an any suggestions on which stores to go to or websites to find feminine dresses, blouses, and skirts? I went shopping in my suburb yesterday and unfortunately everything is very short and unpleasant. It is really hard to find decent, modest clothing for woman nowadays.
EShakti – The darling of the modest community. They’ve changed a bit since Covid-19, but you can still find some good stuff.
Modest Dresses on Amazon – Believe it or not, you can find a lot of beautiful dresses and skirts on Amazon for a reasonable price. Quality may vary.
H&M – H&M has a modest line now, but I’ve always been able to find modern tops and skirts at H&M.
Modlily – If you look around you can find some beautiful modest dresses at great prices. Quality varies, but I bought the wonderful jean dress pictured, from Modlily, although I don’t believe they carry this dress anymore. Modlily seems to be a Chinese company.
Modli_ Not to be confused with Modlily, they are also a Chinese company but seem to have more traditionally modest clothing at the same price point. Again, quality varies.
Question:
Thank you for this post. It is exactly what I needed to hear today. Also, the first Amazon link does not appear to work. Are you able to give the title of the book about modesty for young girls?
Answer:
Here is the book…It is called The Valiant Maiden’s Crusade and is available here.
Question:
Another wonderful gallery! I’m exhausted just looking at all the activities! There is one question that I hope you don’t mind answering. Well, two. What is a throat blessing? Did I read that right? And, more important, couldn’t the rabbit ride in the car with lots of padding?
Answer:
First, about the rabbit…
It’s ride is just a few hundred yards down to the rabbit pen. No worries.
About the Throat Blessing….
FEBRUARY 3 – St. Blaise is patron against troubles of the throat, and today our throats are blessed at Mass. The priest will bless two candles in honor of St. Blaise. The words of this blessing are:
Our help + is in the name of the Lord.
Who made heaven and earth.
The Lord be with you.
And with thy spirit. Let us pray.
Almighty and most gentle God, Who didst create the multiplicity of things through Thine only Word, and didst will that same Word through Whom all things were made to take flesh for the refashioning of man.
Thou, Who art great and without measure, terrible and worthy of praise, a Worker of wonders: the glorious martyr and bishop Blaise, not fearing to suffer all sorts of diverse tortures because of his profession of faith in Thee, was suited happily to bear the palm of martyrdom: and Thou didst grant to him, among other graces, the favor that he should by Thy power cure all kinds of illnesses of the throat:
We humbly beg Thy Majesty not to look upon our sins, but to be pleased by his merits and prayers and to deign in Thy venerable kindness to bless + and sanctify + this creature of wax by the outpouring of Thy grace; that all whose necks in good faith are touched by it may be freed by the merits of his sufferings from any illness of the throat, and that healthy and strong they may offer thanks to Thee within Thy Holy Church, and praise Thy glorious name, which is blessed forever and ever.
Through our Lord Jesus Christ Thy Son, Who liveth and reigneth with Thee, in the unity of the Holy Ghost, God, world without end.
Amen.
Then he will hold the two, unlit blessed candles crossed over our throats, intoning:
Per intercessionem S. Blasii liberet te Deus a malo gutteris et a quovis alio malo
English:
May God at the intercession of St. Blasius preserve you from throat troubles and every other evil.
Then he will make a sign of the Cross over us.
St. Blaise is also the patron of veterinarians and against attacks of wild animals. He is represented in art as a Bishop holding two crossed candles, with wool combs, or in a cave surrounded by wild animals.
Question:
Do one or more of your girls have a schedule that they follow? They seem to get so much accomplished!
Answer:
I had this conversation with the girls and here were some of the responses:
Jeanette (expecting her 5th child)…
Just one thing at a time😅 I literally wake up say my morning prayers sometimes running, get the kids dressed hair done and rooms cleaned.
I feed the kids, have them do chores outside, get them started on school.
I do dishes and make my bed while they start school. My kids are high maintenance when it comes to school so I am usually right by their side a lot of times.
Eat lunch and finish school by two. And then finish the days work, dinner etc.
My days are pretty chock-full…Not much relaxing except meal time. I sneak my little sit-downs and reading or whatever I can in between kids being self reliant on school or play time after school. I don’t know I just survive too😅.
Not much of a schedule but I have it in my head what needs to be done!
I think it helps to if you have that drive (maybe depending on personality or temperament). I know some days I can be so on top of things and like that but then other days I’m a slug and can’t seem to get one thing done.
I’m sure that’s just motherhood and exhaustion coming into to play too though. Life has its ups and downs and definitely not perfect.
Life is a rollercoaster! Love it though and have no complaints except this this and this😂😉 !!
Elizabeth, or better known as Z (6 children)….
Well, I struggle with getting things done too so I don’t have any words of wisdom. I know what I’d like my life to look like in a perfect world.😜
I think for Moms in the stage of life where they need to sleep till the very last second because of pregnancy or breastfeeding, a focus on routines might be more helpful than actually having specific times scheduled for the day’s duties.
As in, making habits of getting certain chores done as part of a morning routine, evening routine, etc.
Having an all out schedule where things are done at specific times can be overwhelming or seem unattainable to some women.
For me, I do try to be more scheduled (like getting up at the same time everyday cause I do feel better and I know it’s ideal) but I also really struggle with it too.
Father Flood’s sermon a couple weeks ago was right up my alley because I really struggle with acedia, the noonday devil. (Acedia has been variously defined as a state of listlessness or torpor, of not caring or not being concerned with one’s position or condition in the world. In ancient Greece akidía literally meant an inert state without pain or care.)
I can be slothful and very busy with things that aren’t necessarily essential. I can be ‘busy’ all day yet have laundry and dishes and dinner staring me in the face. I know in my gut that I’m not prioritizing things correctly.
It’s all about doing the next right thing, I think. And then, being patient with yourself, you take one thing at a time. And then put your feet up for 15-20 min in between chores if you need to.
When we were first married, I remember talking to Molly (daughter-in-law who was a Carmelite nun for four years) about it and how she seemed to always stay on top of things but she said it took her several years in the convent to learn to keep moving, keep doing. She said it took her years to get used to it but the nuns were always moving from one chore to the next.
Theresa (Expecting her 6th child)…
I really don’t think one size fits all. It also depends on what you are going through at the moment. Pregnancy, nursing mom, up all night etc.
I run my house like a ship. School is 8:00 to noon, if I have to sleep in the kids will have breakfast done and be schooling before I get up. Dinner gets made mid-morning while I am working with the younger grades at the island. And on and on and on…
I think the structure is excellent, but there’s definitely a happy medium.
Demanding so much of yourself, can cause some burnout, and sometimes at the end of the day when I feel like all I’ve done is cooked, cleaned and yelled at kids, I wish I had taken a little more time to do some fun things. Time flies, you only have them for so long.
I always gravitate back to the structure of our routine, but it’s good to have some fun and free days too! That’s my two cents. 😊
Gin (10 children):
I was trying to think of how to describe my days…I do have to be very flexible. My husband is self-employed and in and out a lot.
I am up most mornings at 7:30 unless I had a really rough night. The boys always get up early with their Dad on school days. I am very structured as far as getting a big lunch ready at 12:30pm.
So my mornings are cleaning, sewing, laundry and preparing lunch. I have a tutor (a dear friend) who helps with the education of the children.
I always make my bed and keep my room clean because it’s such a breath of fresh air to walk in there randomly and have it clean, when the rest of the house is going to pot…
By the time the kids get out of school at three I’m usually pretty tired and feeling a little of the afternoon blues. It helps to have a project that I’m in the middle of that I can get excited about.
The evenings are filled with food, working outside late in the summertime and rosary/night prayers.
We are not ideal so I never really publicize how I do things. I don’t think one size fits all…It also depends on what cycle of life we are gong through. Pregnancy is usually a lot harder.
I am very driven and goal oriented. But I do experience burn-out and am stressed out at the end of the day. We’ve had to find things that work for us.
Smidgens….
If it’s one thing my girls have taken away from growing up in the family, it is that we should try to center our lives around the Liturgical Year. Make the feasts and the seasons a big deal. It is not perfect and some years are better than others, but it is part of what their families are…..
Jeanette’s Crown of Thorns made out of flour, salt and water. The kids all had to make their own, too! Each sacrifice is rewarded with a flower that the children place atop the toothpicks to make a beautiful bower of flowers for Easter!
Theresa’s family was just pulling out of a sickness when I decided to pop in for a visit. I took this picture of their own Crown of Thorns so lovely decorated with the purple of Advent!
We went over to Colin and Z’s for breakfast on a Saturday morning. They have a goat farm and this spring has seen the arrival of approximately 40 new little kids! It is a wholesome and wonderful farm in which the kids work and play!
I visited my son, Sep, at his home and wanted to share this tree stump that he carved. On the top, he inserted a piece of limestone and proceeded to make it into a chess board. It is an incredible piece of art!
Magdalene (5 years old) made this little Christmas Scene and gave it to Grandma. Her thoughts were still on the last Liturgical Season! She didn’t have any help on figuring it all out…how to make the figurines stand, etc. I thought it was precious.
“Rosie’s Posie’s” Group of little nieces in which they learn to crochet and other valuable feminine arts… This was the March meeting.
Theresa has her Bella Soaps available at a local Specialty Store where homegrown/homemade goods are sold. Visit her new Etsy Shop, Bella Soaps to browse her selection…that will be ever expanding, including lip balms and body butters. Her ingredients are full-on natural making them a sought-after commodity!
Theresa makes St. Patrick’s Day special with goodies hidden under the hats!
The month of St. Joseph and he sits majestically among the mess on the table.
Ah, that’s better! I like to get up quite early to work on the blog and I light the candle on the table (when it is clean), to flicker in the darkness.
Early in the morning, I also start my lovely diffuser that I got for my birthday.
We have nothing to worry about! Our dogs are on the lookout for anything fishy in the vicinity!
Hubby also gets up early to work on his mushrooms and micro-greens. He will be heading to the Farmer’s Market this weekend!
Shiitake Mushrooms
Making my cabochons is always a big job! Getting some St. Joseph Pocket Watches ready for my shop!
A little Birthday Video. Thank you, Jessica Smith!
You mentioned in your post of your mother’s death that she died one hour away from First Saturday? What is the significance of that and what is the Sabbatine Privilege?
The Sabbatine Privilege is based on the Papal Bull issued on March 3, 1322 by Pope John XXII. This Privilege was approved and confirmed by many popes including St. Pius V. It essentially says that those who wear the Scapular and fulfill two other conditions can obtain early liberation from Purgatory, through the special intercession of the Virgin Mary, on the day consecrated to her, Saturday.
The other two conditions are: 1) Observe chastity according to one’s state in life and 2) Recite the Little Office of Our Blessed Mother (the Rosary, with permission from a priest, can be substituted for the office).
Our Lady revealed to Venerable Dominic of Jesus and Mary: “Although many wear my Scapular, only a few fulfill conditions for the Sabbatine Privilege.” We maintain the majority don’t know them. It is an act of charity to make the Sabbatine Privilege known to all.
A soul from Purgatory was asked by a Sister: “What is the average stay of the souls in Purgatory?” The Poor Soul answered: “From thirty to forty years!” Can you see the importance of making Our Lady’s Privilege known – if you consider that the flames are the same as the fires of Hell!
In your post on your mom’s death, you laid your rings on her after she had passed. What was the reason for this?
We laid our rings on her so we could have something that touched her after her death.
Knowing my mom and who she was, what she stood for and the prayers she said, along with the Sabbatine Privilege, we were hopeful that she flew into the arms of Jesus and Mary. Therefore, we wanted something we wore all the time to be touched to her. If she is a saint in heaven, venerating that article brings blessings.
Keep in mind, we are not saying that we believe she is a saint…but we are hopeful. That being said, we will continue to pray for her and are having the Gregorian Masses said for her. (Don’t ever take it for granted that your loved one is in heaven, that’s a mistake you DON’T want to make. Continue to pray for them.)
What are the Gregorian Masses?
Gregorian Masses are a series of Holy Masses traditionally offered on 30 consecutive days as soon as possible after a person’s death. They are offered for an individual soul.
The custom of offering Gregorian Masses for a particular soul recognizes that few people are immediately ready for heaven after death, and that, through the infinite intercessory power of Christ’s sacrifice, made present in Holy Mass, a soul can be continually perfected in grace and enabled to enter finally into the union with the Most Holy Trinity – our God, Who is Love Itself.
History of Gregorian Masses
Gregorian Masses take their name from Saint Gregory the Great, who was sovereign Pontiff from 590 to 604. St. Gregory the Great contributed to the spread of the pious practice of having these Masses celebrated for the deliverance of the souls from purgatory. In his Dialogues, he tells us that he had Masses on thirty consecutive days offered for the repose of the soul of Justus, a monk who had died in the convent of St. Andrew in Rome. At the end of the thirtieth Mass, the deceased appeared to one of his fellow monks and announced that he had been delivered from the flames of Purgatory.
Where do you get them from…the Gregorian Masses?
We get ours from The Universal Living Rosary. I noticed lately that Father Z has a post on where to get the Gregorian Masses. His post is here.
I have a question for you. My Dad used to say of my Grandpa that he always “saw” him at a certain age no matter how old he got. Do you have a special picture of your mom that she always looked that way to you? Does she smile just right? Do her eyes twinkle a little? What color were her eyes? Does she look like she can see exactly what you are thinking? If you do, would you share it? Those are the best pictures to show how someone was. 🙂
Here are some pictures of Mom as I remember her. She always struggled to lose weight and made the comment that she would finally lose weight when she was 90 years old and in her coffin. We loved her just the way she was, of course.
And she DID lose a lot of weight this past year…. (Her eyes were blue.)
Was your mom always Catholic? How did she survive the years when the Church became so liberal?
My mom was Catholic and was taught by the nuns. Her mom was a convert, her dad a staunch Catholic, though he did not talk about the Faith much, from what I gathered.
Dad and Mom fell away from the church for close to twenty-five years. When Mom made it back…through searching, because of her suffering…the Church had changed so much it was not recognizable from when her and dad left.
Mom persevered going to church and was ridiculed for receiving on the tongue, kneeling when receiving Communion, fully genuflecting, being reverent, etc.
She finally searched out a Traditional Mass…which was few and far between back then. She traveled far to go there….her family (all of us) thought she was nuts.
Through Mom’s reading of old Catholic books (discarded and bought from garage sales, etc.), spending two hours in prayer each morning (rising at 5am), wearing her scapular, etc., Mom became a solid Pillar of Faith. (Before she came back to the Church, she suffered much from depression, was on medication, and even went through”shock treatments” to try and help her ailments.)
The transformation was real and my brothers and I watched in awe (though not always supportive).
Mom’s faith and perseverance paid off. My dad died a holy death. There were signs and consolations after my two brothers’ deaths that we can have reasonable hope they made it.
My two other brothers in Canada are solid in the Faith. I love the faith and pray to persevere always. My sister needs prayers but she is a prayerful person and, I believe, her journey will end well.
What greater gift can children have from their mother than the Faith that will lead them through life and past the threshold into Eternity?
Thanks, Mom.
“It follows that in helping your child to satisfy his basic emotional needs to love and be loved, you give something as necessary as food for his full development. So do not be beguiled by aspirations for a worldly career or by the desire to prove yourself as intelligent as men or as capable in affairs of the world as they. You can make your greatest contribution to your family as the heart of your home.” – Rev. George A. Kelly
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The rosary, scapulars, formal prayers and blessings, holy water, incense, altar candles. . . . The sacramentals of the Holy Catholic Church express the supreme beauty and goodness of Almighty God. The words and language of the blessings are beautiful; the form and art of statues and pictures inspire the best in us. The sacramentals of themselves do not save souls, but they are the means for securing heavenly help for those who use them properly. A sacramental is anything set apart or blessed by the Church to excite good thoughts and to help devotion, and thus secure grace and take away venial sin or the temporal punishment due to sin. This beautiful compendium of Catholic sacramentals contains more than 60,000 words and over 50 full color illustrations that make the time-tested sacramental traditions of the Church – many of which have been forgotten since Vatican II – readily available to every believer.
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I am putting up another “Tea~Time” post because I found some questions that I have neglected (because I didn’t see them) on my Finer Femininity FB page. I am not always quick on answering any questions but these ones I did not even see. Please forgive my tardiness.
I get questions from you now and again and I think the answers could be beneficial to others and so I have posted them here….I have changed some words to protect anonymity.
Disclaimer: If in doubt with anything I say, please check with your spiritual director. He knows you and your situation and has the grace of state to advise you.
Question: Do you have any book recommendations with guidelines for the parents for children who are beginning to date?
Answer: Yes I do.
One of the best books I recommend is this one by Father Lovasik. It is called Clean Love in Courtship
This is another book called Youth’s Pathfinder. It is old, too. Early 1900’s. I have loaned mine to Tan Books in order to have it reprinted. Right now, the price is daunting. It is not only about courtship but about vocations to the religious life and virtues in general for the youth. A lovely book, indeed!
Here are two newer ones. I don’t know much about them so you would have to do your own research. But I have heard the names of them tossed around in Catholic circles:
Question: I have many children and am expecting another. I feel isolated and wish there were more like-minded people around us. I would love to get together with other families once in a while so my kids could experience some good and wholesome friendships. I also don’t have anyone around to help me out once in a while. Life is hectic.
I would like to move somewhere where there is a thriving parish and community life. My husband won’t hear of it because of his job and I resent that at times…I feel like he is putting his career above the family. Any suggestions or input?
Answer: In this day and age, when serious Catholics are in the minority, it is not hard to feel isolated. The Internet becomes a good resource but can’t replace a living community.
I would say…and I have seen many do it, including my husband and I… pick up and move. A geographical move is hard but if the intentions are good, God will bless that.
BUT, You said your husband doesn’t want to move…
Continue to respect your husband, nip the resentful thoughts in the bud. Replace them with prayers of thanksgiving to Our Lord for taking care of this situation and then, as you pray about it, leave it in Our Lord’s Hands. Nothing wrong with mentioning it to your husband again, talking to him about it, etc. Even if he gets a bit testy about it. 🙂 Don’t be too pushy, though. Leave that up to Our Lord.
AND, I would say a St. Joseph’s Novena (below) and a 54-Day Rosary Novena. Powerful prayers!
St. Joseph Prayer/Novena (I say this prayer daily):
Oh St. Joseph whose protection is so great, so strong, so prompt before the Throne of God, I place in you all my interests and desires.
Oh St. Joseph do assist me by your powerful intercession and obtain for me from your Divine Son all spiritual blessings through Jesus Christ, Our Lord; so that having engaged here below your Heavenly power I may offer my Thanksgiving and Homage to the most Loving of Fathers.
Oh St. Joseph, I never weary contemplating you and Jesus asleep in your arms. I dare not approach while He reposes near your heart.
Press Him in my name and kiss His fine Head for me, and ask Him to return the kiss when I draw my dying breath.
St. Joseph, Patron of departing souls, pray for us. Amen.
On another note…Maybe it won’t take a geographical move. Maybe God will bring another family into your life. OR, and as I saw with one young couple, the “community” ended up coming to them in quite a miraculous way. They lived in the boonies and some nuns moved close by, along with a good Traditional Priest. This circumstance has been drawing more people and the community has been slowly growing. So…we never know how God will answer our prayers. But He will!
As far as having no help, I do understand this. I was lonely when we moved to Kansas. My family was in Canada. So, even though I lived by a community, help was not easily come by. It was pretty much up to me. And we lived in a tiny house with many children, homeschooling, etc.! Whew! When I think of it now I am astounded at the graces received at the time! (Not that it was easy.)
I have told my children to be very grateful for what they have….lots of family around to help out. It’s an incredible blessing! But it’s not one that everyone has.
We have a Heavenly Family that looks out for us, though, and helps us along the way to find our answers. We must turn to them for those answers. The sufferings we endure along the way only serve to make us stronger, more compassionate towards others and are powerful prayers we can offer up each day (in our Morning Offering) to assist ourselves and those we love!
Question: Hello, I am young and newly married. I am a little bit lost about marriage and motherhood. Can you help me?
Answer: Yes, I can. Make Books your Best Friends.Here is My Book List. It is how I learned many of the things I used as a mother and wife. Because, I, too, was a bit lost. My family, as I was growing up, was in survival mode, living in a big city, with no women with traditional values and homespun skills around me. So…I learned it all from books.
Go to My Book List. But don’t stop there. If you want to have healthy children, seek out balanced health books. If you want to homeschool, read about it. If you want to nurse your babies, find a good book on it, etc., etc. Be an avid and hungry learner. It will so pay off!
And stick around here. I share a lot of the stuff that helped to form me as a single woman and then as a wife and mother.
It takes work, but the rewards are immense!
Question: I have grown up loving to whistle. I think I learned, from your blog, that one of the good traditional priests insisted that it is immodest for women to whistle. Your thoughts?
Answer: Hmmm….I don’t recall putting up anything like this.
If this has been said, I tend not to agree, but that is my opinion. Whistling is a happy sound. We all need cheeriness in our lives, don’t you think? To whistle is, to me, like humming. And, unless it is annoying someone else, it is a good and wholesome thing. You can come and whistle in my home any time! We like happy sounds!
If whistling helps to lighten your heart, this is good.
I know I have made this simplistic and not very theological. Sometimes simplicity on these matters is best. To analyze too much can be very burdensome and cause one to slip into scrupulosity…which is a spiritual sickness that is hard to deal with.
But when in doubt, ask a good, balanced priest. And, like anything that is given up for a good intention, if you give up whistling, God will bless you for it.
Question: I’m looking for a book that explains a Catholic father’s duties. My husband is open to guidance in raising our children in a less worldly way than he was raised. Any suggestions?
Answer: Although I have not read all of these, I am going to put them down for you and you can do the research before you buy. If anyone else has good tried and true books, please leave a comment on this post.
The Catholic Family Handbook, Rev. George Kelly ( I had a dad profusely thank me for introducing him to this book…so I think it is very helpful for fathers.)
“You can make your greatest contribution to your family as the heart of your home. From you, your children should learn to love others and to give of themselves unstintingly in the spirit of sacrifice. Never underestimate the importance of your role. For upon you depends the emotional growth of your children, and such growth will better prepare them to live happy and holy lives than any amount of intellectual training they may receive.” Fr. George A. Kelly, The Catholic Family Handbook http://amzn.to/2nqUivn (afflink)
Lovely Wire Wrapped Rosary Bracelet Sets. Take Your Rosary Wherever You Go! Available here.
Here are some lovely quotes for your encouragement and inspiration. Following is an Addendum to the Tea~Time With Finer Femininity from the other day….
Friendships in the family require care and culture—as do other friendships. We must win one another’s love inside the home doors just as we win the love of outside friends. We must prove ourselves worthy; we must show ourselves unselfish, self forgetful, thoughtful, and kind, tender, patient, helpful. Then when we have won each other we must keep the treasure of affection and confidence, just as we do in the case of friends not in the sacred circle of home. -J.R. Miller
Domestic Queens are not ordinary run-of-the-mill women. They add homey touches to their work with things that please the senses and make a person feel welcome and loved. A warmth of spirit permeates her household as if you walked in from clouds to a bright sunny day. She radiates understanding, love and happiness and makes the home a place her man wants to come home to. -Fascinating Womanhood http://amzn.to/2oRS2Nm (afflink)
“There is nothing insignificant in the life which we live within our own doors. There is nothing which is without influence in the building up of character. . Let no one think that the history of any day in the life of a home, is not recorded imperishably on the sensitive lives of the children.” -J.R. MIller
Alice von Hildebrand – “St. Francis de Sales tells us that pious women should be well-dressed, but this doesn’t mean they must become slaves of fashion. There’s a way of dressing which is attractive, even elegant, but at the same time modest and simple. More importantly, attractiveness shouldn’t be reserved for guests and those you meet outside the home, while you ‘let yourself go’ when you’re at home. The moment a couple marries, they should begin to try always to be at their best for each other, physically (and above all) spiritually.” The Privilege of Being a Woman, http://amzn.to/2p2Oyrr (afflink)
“There is, however, a second class of saints, ordinary saints. Bear in mind that these saints are no less saints than the others; they are true saints and have reached exalted heights of sanctity, though in a different way. They lead humble, simple lives, performing their daily duties well and using the ordinary but abundant means of sanctity given by God to all Christians. These means we too can use, and by them we can attain a high degree of holiness.” -Rev. Fr. Paul O’Sullivan, An Easy Way To Become A Saint, 1947 http://amzn.to/2fduYWW (afflink)
“Never be ashamed of your home or family because it is humble. People who look down on those whose home is humble and who lack social prominence are not worthy of the friendship of decent families. The most important things in life are character, honest work, humility, loyalty, friendliness, and love.” -Fr. Lovasik, Catholic Family Handbook http://amzn.to/2y7iaFI (afflink)
There will be lives only if there are mothers, mothers who respond to their essential and divine vocation. “Give me, O my God, the grace through respect for You and for Your work, always to have a devotion to and a respect for life.. Grant me also the grace to be in Your Hands a not too unworthy instrument of Your creative power. Let me be ‘up-to-date’ whenever it is a question of enrolling a new name in the Book of Life.” – Christ in the Home, http://amzn.to/2mpCpcV Fr. Raoul Plus, S.J., 1950’s (afflink)
Given unconditional love, boundaries to live by, and a Faith to cherish, your children will blossom. They will know that no matter how bad things may be on the outside there is a place of hope and acceptance with family. -Finer Femininity
“The Sacrament of our marriage will impart to us the graces necessary to keep our good resolutions. How few understand this Sacrament! How few prepare themselves for it and expect to receive from it the graces it can give to those who seek them worthily.” – Fr. Raoul Plus, S.J., Christ in the Home http://amzn.to/2f0NuOy (afflink)
I get questions from you now and again and I think the answers could be beneficial to others and so I have posted them here….I have changed some words to protect anonymity.
Disclaimer: If in doubt with anything I say, please check with your spiritual director. He knows you and your situation and has the grace of state to advise you.
Question: What is the reason you and your daughters wear dresses vs. slacks? I think it’s wonderful but would like to know the thoughts behind it. Thank you.
Answer: Thank you for your question and well, since you asked…
I am not a confrontational person…at least I don’t think I am. So I would like to be able to say that what a woman wears is a personal choice, it is up to them. But, I think all of us would have to admit, this is not true in so many spheres of the moral order. What we do (and what we wear) affects those around us…greatly! Especially our men, when it comes to our clothing. So here is why we don’t wear slacks…
Pants accentuates our curves. It’s as simple as that. A skirt is more modest and concealing, (provided the woman/girl is wearing a modest skirt).
They are also more feminine. This is what Father Ripperger has to say:
While it is not sinful for a woman to wear pants, nevertheless it is more perfect or virtuous for a woman to wear a dress rather than pants. It more perfectly fits her as a woman. It is more feminine. Therefore it is more modest because it is more decorous.
I remember reading an article about the Latin Mass. It said that the liturgy will actually form who we are, if we give it enough time. The more we attend, the more It will change us on the inside..
Well, I feel the same way about our dress.
There is a saying….
“The body is the shell of the soul, and the dress the husk of that shell. But the husk often tells what the kernel is.”
What is that saying to us? Our externals matter. Our husk, our clothing, reveals who we are on the inside. And on the reverse, our mode of dressing, will work to change us intimately, too.
The virtuous person will manifest this virtue through the use of proper dress.
From Cardinal Siri, 1960:
The clothes a person wears conditions, determines and modifies that person’s gestures, attitudes and behavior such that from merely being worn on the outside, clothing comes to impose a particular frame of mind on the inside. So when a person changes their dress it will change how that person views her self image. On the converse of that, if she has a distorted self-image it will be manifested in her dress.
Fr. Ripperger:
Women who go back to dressing like women find an inner change which occurs within them. They feel more feminine. Which is a good thing…femininity is a perfection proper to a woman. And those perfections are very admirable.
I believe and have experienced this myself, that when we, as women, dress like women, we will change. We will become more feminine in what we do, the way we walk, the activities we take part in, the way we think. This is good. We will see a very positive change in ourselves. We will also see a positive change in how others treat us.
Another important tidbit was something I read quite a bit later along my modesty journey. And it served to reinforce in me and my girls our decision as a family. It was this…
Advertising agencies quickly prepared marketing research to find out the reaction of men to a woman wearing pants. Do you know what they found? Using newly developed technology, they tracked the path that a man’s eyes take when looking at a woman in pants.
They found that when a man looked at a woman in pants from the back, he looked directly at her bottom. When he looked at a woman wearing pants from the front, advertisers found that his eyes dropped directly to a woman’s most private and intimate area. Not her face! Not her chest!
Advertisers figured out a long time ago how to apply Gestalt psychology and the Law of Closure (Humans tend to enclose a space by completing a contour and ignoring gaps in the figure) and the Law of Good Continuation (Humans tend to continue contours whenever the elements of the pattern establish an implied direction) when devising advertising that is aimed at men.
Gracious, what does all of that mean? It means that the eye will follow a line, and a viewer will complete the picture with his or her imagination.
Advertisers know that the same holds true when a man views a woman wearing slacks or a skirt with slits. Men’s eyes will follow the lines right up her legs and finish the picture in their imagination.
Women’s eyes may do the same thing, but since women don’t have the same type of temptations, their imaginations don’t complete the picture in the same way as men’s do.
Because we have raised our girls in dresses, this negative aspect of why we dress modestly is not something we dwell on too much. We don’t think about it…dressing this way is part of who we are. And we like to focus on the positive aspects of wearing dresses. There are so many…
Consistently wearing dresses may seem over-the-top to many these days. And that’s okay. The rewards are great! (And every one of my daughters and daughters-in-law will attest to that!)
Cardinal Siri wrote a strong article in support of dresses for women. The article is here.
This Maglet (magazine/booklet) is for you…dear young (and not-so-young), Catholic, Feminine Soul. It is a compilation of traditional, valuable Catholic articles on the subjects that touch the hearts of serious-minded Catholic young ladies. There are articles on courtship, purity, singleness, vocation, prayer, confession, friends, tea parties, obedience, etc. This information is solid, written by orthodox Catholic writers (most of them gone to their eternal home) that cared about the proper formation of a young Catholic adult in a confused world. Take this information to heart and your journey through adulthood will be filled with many blessings! It is 40 pages, packed with information. See photo for Table of Contents.
My Disclaimer: This book is, in general, appropriate for ages 14 and up. There are some articles on purity in courtship, etc. These do not go into graphic detail but you are the only ones to decide if it is good timing. I would let my own 14 year old read it. If she came up with questions, good. I would answer them. Ignorance is not innocence.
This booklet contains practical advice on the subjects of dating and choosing a spouse from the Catholic theological viewpoint. Father Lovasik points out clearly what one’s moral obligations are in this area, providing an invaluable aid to youthful readers. Additionally, he demonstrates that Catholic marriage is different from secular marriage and why it is important to choose a partner who is of the Catholic Faith if one would insure his or her personal happiness in marriage. With the rampant dangers to impurity today, with the lax moral standards of a large segment of our society, with divorce at epidemic levels, Clean Love in Courtship will be a welcome source of light and guidance to Catholics serious about their faith.
Save
Save
Sav A Frank, Yet Reverent Instruction on the Intimate Matters of Personal Life for Young Men. To our dear and noble Catholic youths who have preserved, or want to recover, their purity of heart, and are minded to retain it throughout life. For various reasons many good fathers of themselves are not able to give their sons this enlightenment on the mysteries of life properly and sufficiently. They may find this book helpful in the discharge of their parental responsibilities in so delicate a matter.
This post contains affiliate links. Thank you for your support.
I get questions from you now and again and I think the answers could be beneficial to others and so I have posted them here….I have changed some words to protect anonymity.
Disclaimer: If in doubt with anything I say, please check with your spiritual director. He knows you and your situation and has the grace of state to advise you.
Question: Have you or your daughters got any tips for me on how to have to confidence to wear in college the dresses and skirts which I love to wear, without worrying about how others might look at me as though I have seven heads…. if you know what I mean?
Answer: I reached out to my girls and these are the answers they provided…
Jeanette: Sometimes people may feel judged by what others wear because they feel guilty. So kindness and charity are huge because if she works on that it will make her confident. People will actually respect her more and not think she is doing it to judge or because she is better but because it’s who she is as a beautiful person!
Theresa: I would just say hold your head up high, look beautiful and don’t care what other people think. You will probably end up being very respected. All our lives we can let other people opinions bother us, but it’s just not worth it. There is no reason for people to feel judged or affronted, if you hold yourself with dignity and treat everybody kind. Even those that are unkind to you.
Elizabeth: It’s a personal conviction. You have to just make up your mind to do it. Cheerfulness and kindness will win over her peers. And the haters just need a silent Hail Mary. They have often been raised in ugliness and don’t understand.
Gin: College is a very difficult scene these days. I think the best thing she could do is get on some modesty forums or some sort of group where they uphold and love dressing in skirts and dresses. That way she can have some sort of support group when she has to enter the college scene. It’s good to have back up and a place where she can get support if she doesn’t have it in the people around her….
Me: I started wearing dresses in my early twenties. I had support around me because I was working at a Catholic Shrine. That doesn’t mean it was easy. I still went home to visit and went on a trip with my best friend for a couple weeks soon after I made the commitment. She was very kind but probably thought I had grown seven heads!
Like the rosary in my life, it was a commitment. So, in spite of the naysayers, I didn’t back down. It was very important, though, to surround myself with like-minded people. You need the support. So…like Gin said, get on some modesty forums. If anyone has any suggestions, please leave a comment here.
Question: I just love when you post your family life galleries! Couple of questions…maybe they are for your daughters? Where do they find longer skirts and dresses for their daughters (your granddaughters)? Do they sew most of these items? Finding items like those for my 11 year old girl has been such a challenge! Also, all the females in your family always have the loveliest, feminine hairstyles. Are these from your own inspirations, or do any of you have any resources/tutorials you could direct me to?
Answer: We get most of our clothes from our lovely Coffee Shop/Thrift Store we have mentioned before ~ God’s Storehouse. We are fortunate to have it close by, they make the effort to continually bring in new items so there are always fresh clothing to pick from.
Gin and Margy sew and have made their own skirts and dresses. But most of them still come from the Thrift Store. Gin is also quite savvy at getting clothes off Ebay. So that could be an option, too.
Every once in a while they get a skirt they like, but is too short. So they add material on to the bottom. This is a pain but worth it if they have found something they really like. You can look up tutorials on this.
As far as the grandchildren go, simple skirts can be easy to make. Gin has done some of this for each of her nieces. She also makes them dresses here and there. I know she was sewing like crazy before the Festival to give some of her nieces the dresses she had made. But for the most part, the girls look out for dresses and skirts from the Thrift Shop.
As far as hairstyles….some of my girls are so good at this! I wish I had the ability but I have never been much of a “hair person”. “Wash and wear” is my motto! That being said, I know they have watched some Youtubes and looked on Pinterest. I just asked this question to Gin the other day and she said to look at “updos” on Pinterest.
And then just practice. I know that’s what it takes. I see them whip their hair up so fast and it looks just lovely. You should see when I try to do that…quite amusing…I would give Phyllis Diller a run for her money 😉 !
Each night, before the Shakespeare Festival (and there were 6 nights of it) we went through the routine. I asked Rosie if she could do my hair, went and got all my hair stuff, sat down, braids, curls, waves abounded and then got up looking like my hair should be in a magazine! One of those evenings, when I asked her AGAIN, Rosie said with a sigh…”Mom, you’re SO high maintenance”. I chuckled and replied with a shrug, “I know.”
Anyway, I digress. I will ask the girls for more info on this one and if they have some good suggestions, I will post them for you.
Question: I was hoping you might be able to offer some advice. I have struggled with some serious health problems when I was younger. Through prayer and Masses, I have improved. I entered a convent but, unfortunately, my health took a spiral downward. I still desire a chaste, single life. Any advice?
Answer: This is a question that is close to my heart. Let me tell you first, we feel your pain with dealing with health problems. We have struggled so much with Rosie. Although she can work now, she has headaches every day and is not sure what God has in mind for her.
So we have had this sort of conversation, many times.
When Rosie left the convent, her beautiful “Sister” mentor told her that if she still wished to live a single life in the world…it may be a good thing to wear some kind of a “habit” ~ simple and not outlandish, to help her own inward decision and to be a statement to those around her.
I would not do this without the advice of a good, balanced priest. The single life in the world is a hard vocation and needs much discernment. But I don’t think any “vow” needs to be made, at least certainly not at first, so the path can change later if God’s will is shown in another vocation. In other words, this “decision” doesn’t have to be permanent and can be tried out. Once again, through the advice of a spiritual director.
There is so much that can be done in this world as a single person. Prayer and sacrifice, helping at the parish, helping mothers of large families, starting a Catholic group for girls, etc.
It is what I tell any single person…those waiting for “Mr. Right” and those who just aren’t sure what their vocation is yet..Spend your time learning about the Faith and about those things that interest you, spend time doing good for others, working hard, praying hard and God will open the doors for you along the way.
Ask Our Lord to purify your intentions and keep growing…in grace and in love. It is what life is about…this continual growth each day.
This is a good book for those looking at this vocation…the single life. Although I have not read the whole book, I have liked what I have read. Please, though, if you have questions or doubts about anything in it, get advice. It is the best way to stay on track!
Let him know you appreciate all the little things he does. It is easy to just expect things from him, with nary a thanks or a smile. This is not the way to nurture a relationship. Go the extra mile….always be grateful…..and let him know that you are!
Doilies by Rosie!
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Warm up with this delicious assortment of autumn inspired teas
Perfect gift for the tea lover in your life
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This post contains affiliate links. Thank you for your support.
A couple of new questions and then a repost for Throwback Thursday….
I get questions from you dear ladies now and again. I think the answers could be beneficial to others and so I have posted them here….I have changed some words to protect anonymity.
Disclaimer: If in doubt with anything I say, please check with your spiritual director. He knows you and your situation and has the grace of state to advise you.
Question:
I am wondering with all your wealth of knowledge and resources if you have a good age-appropriate resource for pre-teens on puberty and the birds and bees! God bless you!
Twelve heart-to-heart talks to be given by Mom to her daughters about the mysterious processes of reproducing life. Presents timeless supernatural attitude in accordance with Catholic principles. Helps Moms instruct and train their growing daughters. Places the exact words on Mom’s lips. Arms girls sufficiently and supernaturally to control passions, avoid sinful occasions, and the use of the Sacraments. No crude language. Suggestions for preserving purity. Graduated structure in three parts: ages 9-12; 12-14; 14-16.
They also have one for the boys called Listen, Son.
A couple of others…Parents, Children and the Facts of Life. I was given this one by a reliable source. I didn’t actually use it so I can’t give you my own take on it.
Do you have anything you have written and recommend for Grade 1?
Answer:
Yes, I do. 🙂
Here is the list: Catholic Mother Goose Volume 1, Catholic Mother Goose Volume 2, Cheerful Chats for Catholic Children and then all of the Catholic Hearth Stories. You can find all of these books here on my Meadows of Grace Shop.
Question:
Hi,
I listened to your podcast today where you read about strength of will. And it makes sense but it left me discouraged. I am a very busy mom with many children and much going on in my life. I have already had to give up much because of pregnancies, etc. How will I strengthen my will if I am only doing what I know I can… I wonder if you can help explain?
Answer:
Dear Mama,
In very many ways, we wives and mothers can strengthen our wills without having to perform extra works.
You say that you have to give up much because of pregnancies. Of course you do! And by doing that, yes, even if it is something forced upon you, when you embrace that cross…you are doing what the podcast says…strengthening your will!
We live in “domestic monasteries” where the “bell” is going off constantly….a child is tugging at our skirt, dinner is to be made, a child is sick, we have to run to piano lessons, hubby needs lunch, etc. By doing these things as cheerfully as possible we are doing exactly what God wants from us at that moment…and in turn, we are strengthening our will.
The podcast was originally meant for the youth. They need to be reminded of the necessity of the will…and that it must be strengthened in order to live a Godly life.
It is a good reminder to all. But remember, our daily duty performed with greater joy and patience each day, is a perfect example of strengthening our will. We need look no further.
A quote:
If I am not capable of great things, I will not become discouraged, but I will do the small things! Sometimes, because we are unable to do great things, heroic acts, we neglect the small things that are available to us and which are, moreover, so fruitful for our spiritual progress and are such a source of joy: “Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful over a few things, I will now trust you with greater. Come and share your Master’s joy.” (Matthew 25:21) -Fr. Jacques Philippe, Searching For and Maintaining Peace https://amzn.to/2WcepLs (afflink)
Question:
I have a few questions. As you know, we live in a world that is after our youth. It seems like everywhere we go there is inappropriate “everything”. It is very hard to find activities for our children that we feel are “good influences”. We were talking the other night and wondering if we should be “out and about” more with the teenage kids. We value family time and being at home, but are we home too much? How much socialization do you feel is good for teen boys? How do you handle this in your family?
Answer:
Yes, the young adults need socialization. We took part in activities in our parish. As the kids were growing up, they played soccer each Sunday with our priest and other kids of the parish. It wasn’t formal, just a lot of fun.
We had them involved in Legion of Mary.
Depending on the temperament of the children, they will crave this socialization. Even if they don’t, it is good for them.
The biggest thing we did for our family was have our children’s friends and other families over to our house for fun and games….regularly. This helped to fill the void. Oftentimes, we (their dad and I) played the games with the kids.
This was a huge way of getting to know the other kids and eventually led to some good courtships…
We did not send our kids out on their own to social events. For the most part, if it was an outside activity, we were all present…or at least one or the other of the parents or the older siblings. Someone was always there just overseeing things….well, and taking part in the fun, too!
It’s important for parents to seek out ways that their growing children can interact with other like-minded Catholics. Pray about it…God will open the doors.
Question:
Do you have any articles that deal with social engagements for small, young families? We homeschool and our area is quite progressive, including our parishes. We drive an hour to get to Mass for TLM, now. But my eldest is feeling isolated at times. How do you deal with this while learning and growing in your faith? Meaning- I can give her social opportunities but they conflict with our faith, especially when we are starting to adopt, although slowly, a more traditional faith life.
Answer:
We live in a community so this is not so much of a problem. But I know many who are in the same predicament as you. So they travel a bit. They make sure and come to our Traditional Family Weekend each year. They come to the Shakespeare Festival, the big parish events, etc. They scout around and find events that are in line with their family values and they plan the trips. This gives the kids something to look forward to and maybe they will be able to strike up a friendship and start a penpal relationship.
Mothers and fathers these days have to use their ingenuity. It is not easy but so important, to find good friends for our children. Be ready to go out of your comfort zone.
Invite like-minded families or kids to your home. Play games, indoor and outdoor. Keep it well-monitored. How many times I was so tired and just wanted to go to bed, but I waited until the “curfew” time was up for the visiting kids to leave so I could lock the doors and know that all was well (I still do this). I didn’t go to bed before things were shut down here. And many times I would much prefer a quiet night at home…but in would march the friends to visit our own children and take part in some good fun. It was exhausting at times.
So..yes..be ready to step out of your comfort zone! It’s so worth it!
An aside:
And I will say…if you can move to a parish that is more conducive to your lifestyle…then by all means, do!
My father-in-law had an amazing and well-paying job as a supervisor in California. He could take his 9 kids at the time…(they eventually had 13) to Europe on vacation to see the wonderful Catholic sites! But he and his wife saw the detriment the city would eventually have on the kids. They sold everything, picked up, didn’t know where they were going and left…eventually settling on a small farm in Ohio. So…it can be done!
That being said, if you make this move, and get close to a good community, don’t expect that you will get along with everyone there and see eye-to-eye. That doesn’t happen, but there is usually a family or two that you click with. Parish events, days of recollection, sports, all of these things help the children grow…it is vital who we choose to do them with.
It’s important for the kids to see other families with values like your own (even if you don’t become close to those families). It helps them when they are looking around to see if they are the only “weirdos” on the planet earth. 😉 We need support.
Question:
Can I ask you an odd question? Is there a traditional Catholic view on makeup? I have heard things like makeup is an abomination before God and things like that, but didn’t know if there was really grounds for that. I have wrestled with this question for years. You seem to have found a lot of resources that stay true to God and the tradition of our faith. Have you ever found anything on makeup? What is the view that you have reached through prayer?
Answer:
This is a touchy subject for many, as well as the modesty issue. It hits us very personally…it is something we have learned to identify us as women.
I do not believe there is a hard and fast rule about makeup in the Catholic world. There are many opinions…and that is what mine will be.
This is my own take from all the reading I have done.
If done with taste, not done in a gaudy fashion, there is nothing wrong with a little makeup. As a mother, I have to remind my girls what that taste is. They can be flamboyant at times, they love colors and so…they can get carried away. A reminder now and again, is good, that the natural can be enhanced…but not covered up!
A Note on the sermon…you may just want to listen to it rather than watch the video. (That note was from Rosie…who didn’t like the pictures on the video). We usually just listen to the audio on this channel. It’s a great channel by the way! Sensus Fidelium
Question:
What about jealousy? Do you have any articles on this. I seem to suffer from this vice quite a bit…
Answer:
Jealousy is a tough one…but it all starts in the thoughts. When those thoughts rear their ugly heads, we have to halt them. They usually start by comparing our life with someone else. Break the cycle, stop the thoughts. At first, this can seem like a cyclone: you try to halt the thought by replacing it, but that good thought gets swept away, then another and another. But eventually the dust will settle, the storm will pass and you will be free…until the next storm. Each “storm” should get less violent as you learn the method of nipping these thoughts in the bud.
Gratitude really helps to overcome this cycle. That is where my Gratitude Journal can help. Start to turn those thoughts around….
Would you have a special prayer to pray for your children’s vocations and if they are called to matrimony a prayer for their future spouses?
Answer:
Yes! I have the most wonderful prayer to St Raphael who is the patron of Happy Meetings and of Vocations. I love St. Raphael. He is very powerful with God and everyone should foster a devotion to him. He helped me to find my husband when I lived in a Catholic desert. He is patron of happy meetings, vocations, travel, sickness, etc. Here is the prayer:
St. Raphael, loving patron of those seeking a marriage partner, help me in this supreme decision of my life. Find for me as a helpmate in life the person whose character may reflect some of the traits of Jesus and Mary. May he (she) be upright, loyal, pure, sincere and noble, so that with united efforts and with chaste and unselfish love we both may strive to perfect ourselves in soul and body, as well as the children it may please God to entrust to our care.
St. Raphael, angel of chaste courtship, bless our friendship and our love that sin may have no part in it. May our mutual love bind us so closely that our future home may ever be most like the home of the Holy Family of Nazareth. Offer your prayers to God for the both of us and obtain the blessing of God upon our marriage, as you were the herald of blessing for the marriage of Tobias and Sarah.
St. Raphael, friend of the young, be my friend, for I shall always be yours. I desire ever to invoke you in my needs.
To your special care I entrust the decision I am to make as to my future husband (wife). Direct me to the person with whom I can best cooperate in doing God’s Holy Will, with whom I can live in peace, love and harmony in this life, and attain to eternal joy in the next. Amen.
In honor of St. Raphael pray an Our Father, Hail Mary, and Glory Be.
Dear St. Raphael, bless, protect and guide my future spouse.
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Let Mrs. Newland show you how to introduce even your littlest ones to God and develop in your growing children virtues such as:
The habit of regular prayer
Genuine love of the Rosary
A sense of the dignity of work
Devotion to Mary and the saints
A proper love for the things of this world and for the things of Heaven
Attentiveness at Mass
Love for the Eucharist
An understanding and love of purity
The ability to make good confessions
And dozens of other skills, habits, and virtues that every good Catholic child needs
Celebrate the Faith with your kids all year round!
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There have always been enemies outside the Church who have attacked the celibacy of the clergy and denounced the perfect chastity of religious. With the defense of such single people we are not concerned directly, though much of what we say about chastity for the single in the world holds equally for the priests and religious.
Directly we are concerned with the vocation of men and women in the world who wish to live a life of perfect chastity in the single state. The legitimacy of this vocation has been attacked by those outside the Church. Even some Catholics seem to have had inaccurate, incomplete, and disparaging ideas on the matter.
We aim, therefore, to prove that it is lawful for people to remain in the world and live a single life of perfect chastity for the sublime purpose of attaining their primary end in life more easily and securely, thereby achieving a more complete and perfect personality, and ultimately for the purpose of obtaining a more perfect life of glory in heaven—all this for the greater honor and glory of Christ and God.
That such perfect chastity is quite legitimate is clear, first, from the fact that no one of less authority than Christ counselled it. He invited all those who feel capable of living that life to accept it when He said: “And there are eunuchs who have made themselves so for the kingdom of heaven’s sake. Let him accept it who can” (Matthew 19,12).
This invitation of Christ is general, it is not limited to priests or religious. His invitation implies that the vocation is difficult, but that it can be chosen freely by anyone who feels he can live it. And the reason He assigned for such a life is “for the kingdom of heaven’s sake.” Anyone may choose it for that reason, is Christ’s meaning; not merely those who for various reasons are barred from entering other vocations.
St. Paul, too, is warrant for the lawfulness of such a vocation of virginal love in the world. In his long and beautiful seventh chapter to the Corinthians about virginity and married life, he argues not only that this is a lawful vocation but that it is more perfect than the vocation of married life. For I would that you all were as I myself; but each one has his own gift from God, one in this way, and another in that. But I say to the unmarried and to widows, it is good for them if they so remain, even as I. (I Corinthians 7,7-8)
Later he explains: He who is unmarried is concerned about the things of the Lord, how he may please God. Whereas he who is married is concerned about the things of the world, how he may please his wife; and he is divided. And the unmarried woman, and the virgin, thinks about the things of the Lord, that she may be holy in body and in spirit. Whereas she who is married thinks about the things of the world, how she may please her husband.
Now this I say for your benefit, not to put a halter upon you, but to promote what is proper, and to make it possible for you to pray to the Lord without distraction. (1 Corinthians 7,32-35)
And he concludes: But she will be more blessed, in my judgment, if she remains as she is [namely, a virgin]. And I think St. Paul was speaking directly of women virgins, but his thoughts have equal force for men who live in perfect chastity. That is evident from the fact that he proposes himself as a model even for the women virgins.
In view of that clear teaching of Christ and St. Paul, it is not surprising that Holy Mother Church, who is herself the virginal Spouse of Christ, approved of this vocation from the very beginning, and protected it against the attacks of heretics and immoral persons. By her infallible authority she has declared that this vocation is better, in itself, than that of the married.
The Council of Trent made this statement: “If anyone says that the conjugal state is to be preferred to the state of virginity or celibacy, and that it is not better and more blessed to remain in virginity or celibacy than to enter matrimony, let him be condemned. (Session 24, canon 10).
Though the Council had religious and priests more in mind, its canon was meant also for men and women who live a life of virginity in the world.
In our own day Pope Pius XII, in a discourse on the vocation of woman in the modern world, praised the thousands who through the twenty centuries of the Church’s history have followed Christ’s counsel and freely renounced marriage to consecrate their services to humanity by prayer and penance, by every kind of work of charity toward children, the ignorant, the sick, the dying.
These remarks of the Pope do not refer exclusively to priests and religious. He praised those, too, who freely renounced marriage for the sake of a life of contemplation, of sacrifice and of charity. In regard to these, he said, one immediately thinks of a “vocation”; namely, that they have a true calling for that life from God.
Then, to encourage those who because of circumstances of war had to remain unmarried, he added that they, too, have a “vocation,” a call from God for their single lives, and their lives need not be useless for society. (Discourse, Oct. 21, 1945)
It would be quite erroneous to think that the Pope did not recommend a single life in the world except for those who were forced to remain unmarried. Such a deduction, as our analysis of the whole section shows, would be utterly false.
The Pope would never make such a primitive error in so important a matter of Christian living. He was speaking of a fact due to war conditions. He was not laying down an exclusive principle.
In fact, just before that he spoke of those who voluntarily choose such a vocation. For them it is a “vocation” without doubt. But it can be a “vocation,” he wished to explain, also for those who remain unmarried by force of circumstances.
Already prior to that discourse, on Holy Saturday, 1943, in an allocution to the Italian girls of Catholic Action, the Pope praised “the sons and daughters in the earliest Church, who freely renounced earthly nuptials for the love of Christ, consecrated all their powers to the duties of caring for souls, of Christian education, of charity, of foreign missions.”
He then spoke of those who were even martyred for their faith and purity. Only later does he mention religious. Those referred to earlier evidently include lay people who lived in perfect chastity, as is clear too from his speaking of the “earliest Church,” when there were no religious in the strict sense.
But the Holy Father gave a more solemn approval to the single life in the world in his encyclical On Holy Virginity, March 25, 1954. This document deals generally with virginity as lived by priests and religious, but many points apply equally to lay people who live in perfect chastity.
In one passage in particular he speaks expressly of lay people: But while such perfect chastity is the object of one of the three vows, of which the religious state consists, and while it is required of the clergy of the Latin Church in major Orders, and is demanded from the members of secular institutes; it, nevertheless, flourishes also among not a few who belong entirely to the laity.
For there are men and women who are not established in a public state of perfection, and still they abstain entirely from matrimony and the carnal pleasures by virtue of a resolve or a private vow, in order that they may more freely serve their fellow men and that they may unite their souls more easily and closely with God.
We have here an authoritative as well as an express approval of the single vocation even for those who are not forced into it but who choose it freely.
Virginal chastity in the world has, through the centuries, received at least implicit approval from the Vicars of Christ by the fact that they have beatified and canonized many men and women who lived this form of life. They have presented them to the whole world as models to be imitated.
A couple more questions were asked after my last “Tea-Time” and I thought it would be helpful to others to answer them here. They were asked in the comments so I thought the ladies wouldn’t mind if I put them on the post…
I have a question–what advice do you have for mothers with morning sickness? Our routine completely falls apart and my husband works hard to care for all the children and me all by himself. It is discouraging and very difficult for everyone. My moods during pregnancy also lower my quality as a mother. What spiritual advice would you give me? Thank you and I love your work!
I sent this question to my daughters and daughter-in-law. Here is the “thread” of answers:
“Father said it is a woman’s time of exodus.. You literally have to offer it up to God and do what you possibly can do to survive. Each day is just trying to get your basic prayers in. Like you said morning, night, rosary… Otherwise leave it in God’s hands…He knows what you’re going through. Unless there’s very specific areas which she could possibly work on I can’t think of how it necessarily would be helped…except by offering it up. Looking at our pregnancies a lot of times it is just survival. But somehow God seems to bless us and pull us through.”
“Exactly! That’s why I tremble in my boots thinking about pregnancy. I know I will be passed out, sicker than a dog, for 4ish months. You have to just live one day at a time and be grateful that you can have children. (Progesterone cream for mood swings.)”
“And depending on the man, it’s his time of exodus also. They definitely have to pick up a ton of slack and especially if he’s a good and caring man. Now that I am thinking of it, it just amazes me how good our guys are and how much they do to help us during that time!”
“I never suffered severe morning sickness so I can’t completely relate. But, like all things in life, the gifts, the crosses, we strive to accept them both with a joyful heart and offer them up to God. And allow ourselves LOTS of grace when the going is rough. God knows we can’t do it all, all the time. We demand so much of ourselves, always trying to be ‘perfect’ that we have a hard time truly letting God ‘handle the reins.’ Practically, you do what you can and let go of the rest. Focus on nutrition, supplements, rest, and if available and financially feasible, seek outside help when necessary. Never be too proud to ask for help!”
Question: I follow your blog for quite some time and I enjoy it, it is like a breath of fresh air. I have a question: what would you advise to a single young woman who is alone, still waiting for soul mate, but I try to choose noble and more feminine jobs that would protect me from indecent behaviors. So I would like to hear your advice about possible jobs or your experience. Thank you very much and may God bless your family.
You are wise. There are jobs that are more feminine than others, and, if you have the choice, seek out the ones that help to build those qualities, rather than tear them down.
For myself, I worked in an office for the few years before I got married. I took quite a pay cut by quitting my one job to go to another. But I did not like the atmosphere in the government job I held. The women were very catty and unfeminine….and I was surrounded. So I vouched for the other job and was much happier…the money was not as important to me.
I think jobs where you help others….nursing home, nanny, etc. are very valuable. You are not only making a necessary income, but it is an apostolate, as you are working with souls. This brings out the feminine, nurturing side of a young woman, which is always good.
This being said, my girls go out on the job with their brothers and dad. They paint…which means they sand, they lift, they clean, etc. I’m not at the job with them but even though this job may not seem very feminine, the guys respect them, they wear their work skirts on the job and I am sure they work hard while being a lady. It can be done….
We may not have choices so God provides in our journey. Prayer always can change circumstances and put those more feminine choices in our paths.
Often turn to Our Lord, Who is watching you, poor frail little being that you are, amid your labors and distractions. He sends you help and blesses your afflictions. This thought should enable you to bear your troubles patiently and quietly, for love of Him Who only allows you to be tried for your own good. -St. Francis de Sales
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This booklet contains practical advice on the subjects of dating and choosing a spouse from the Catholic theological viewpoint. Father Lovasik points out clearly what one’s moral obligations are in this area, providing an invaluable aid to youthful readers. Additionally, he demonstrates that Catholic marriage is different from secular marriage and why it is important to choose a partner who is of the Catholic Faith if one would insure his or her personal happiness in marriage. With the rampant dangers to impurity today, with the lax moral standards of a large segment of our society, with divorce at epidemic levels, Clean Love in Courtship will be a welcome source of light and guidance to Catholics serious about their faith.
Save
Save
S A Frank, Yet Reverent Instruction on the Intimate Matters of Personal Life for Young Men. To our dear and noble Catholic youths who have preserved, or want to recover, their purity of heart, and are minded to retain it throughout life. For various reasons many good fathers of themselves are not able to give their sons this enlightenment on the mysteries of life properly and sufficiently. They may find this book helpful in the discharge of their parental responsibilities in so delicate a matter.
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The following are answers to a few questions that I have received lately…
Question: Please, if you could give me some advice about the Internet in the home. We are careful what we allow the children to have access to but now that one of my children has reached 18, he wants his own laptop for studying, etc.
How much freedom do you allow as your children get older?
I am going to tell you what we do….
Our kids don’t have smart phones until they are married, as a general rule. Rosie has one. She is older than any of our other children have been as a single. She is devout and responsible…so she has one. She was not too hyped about it…which is a good indication she could handle it. She was stuck in her room, very sick and listened to audio books. Thus, the smart phone (for the audio books).
I am very much on top of who is looking at computers. The password is only known by me, my husband and Rosie. The computer is in a high traffic area. I don’t leave it open when I go out. The kids know they have to wait until I get home. They are not clamoring for it because their life hasn’t included it in everything.
We have been strict. And we call the shots when the kids are older but still living in the home. We aren’t apologetic about that. It’s the way it is. The internet is such a dangerous tool so we feel it is important enough to monitor things closely.
Our boys are wary of the computer. They know how quickly people can fall….especially boys…but girls, too. We just have one boy (Angelo) at home and he has written a journal for boys. He was on the laptop a lot while he was doing that. But I could see it at all times and I kept a close eye on things. Don’t ever just “trust” your son. As good as he may be, he is human, has curiosity…and it is just one click away. Covenant Eyes and other such monitoring software are valuable. We haven’t done this. I have chosen to watch things closely. But I do believe it would be a very good thing to have.
So, my advice is…be strict. If they have to use the computer then do be diligent…and make sure they are, too. It takes work but there is nothing more important than the souls of our children.
(I have seen many guys around these parts have flip phones. They don’t trust themselves with a smart phone. These guys run businesses, do Ebay or Craigslist and could really use a smart phone. The convenience is not worth it to them.
My married boys all have smart phones now. It is up to them and their wives to monitor things. And they do. They are not perfect but at least they were old enough to make these decisions before they had the world…good and bad….in the palm of their hands!)
Question: Do you have pdf’s or downloads available for your Boy’s and Girl’s Journals?
Not at the moment. I will work on this. I need to make them black and white first. I will put it up on the blog here when I have that accomplished. I will also get the Gratitude Journal so that you can buy the download. I know many of you are from out-of-country and shipping is expensive for the physical book.
Question: Do you have your taste and smell back after Covid?
Very slightly. And some days not at all. It has been over 3 months so I had a chat with our local Catholic doctor. He said that Covid can cause nerve damage in that area. When you have nerve damage, it can take a year to heal. One of the best things to do with when it comes to nerves, is to work the area. So that is what I am doing. It is called “Sniff Therapy”. I tell you this so you can pass it along to anyone who wants to try it. Here are the four “smells” that are recommended in this article. They sit by my computer and I try to do it twice a day. (Lemon, Rose, Eucalyptus, Clove, in that order.) We’ll see….
Question: Our country seems to becoming more and more Communist. As lay people taking care of our families, what can do we do?
Our family recently went to the Convent in Gower and spent some Days of Recollection there. The good priest gave a sermon on Sunday about being under the “Thumb of Communism” and what we can do. Here was the four things he said:
Holy Mass
Divine Office
Holy Rosary
Devotion to the Holy Face
I found that last one interesting. Father said it is a devotion especially for Communism. We got the book about the Holy Face Devotion, called The Golden Arrow and we will be reading it.
Here is a lovely prayer to the Holy Face from my Little Flower Prayerbook:
Prayer of St Therese to the Holy Face of Jesus
“O Jesus, who, in Thy cruel Passion didst become the ‘reproach of men and the Man of Sorrows,’ I worship Thy divine Face. Once it shone with the beauty and sweetness of the Divinity; but now, for my sake, it is become as ‘the face of a leper.’
Yet, in that disfigured Countenance, I recognize Thy infinite love, and I am consumed with the desire of making Thee loved by all mankind.
The tears that flowed so abundantly from Thy Eyes are to me as precious pearls that I delight to gather, that with their worth I may ransom the souls of poor sinners.
O Jesus, whose Face is the sole beauty that ravishes my heart, I may not see here below the sweetness of Thy glance, nor feel the ineffable tenderness of Thy kiss, I bow to Thy Will—but I pray Thee to imprint in me Thy divine likeness, and I implore Thee so to inflame me with Thy love, that it may quickly consume me, and that I may soon reach the vision of Thy glorious Face in heaven.”
Amen.
Question: I feel so inadequate. I feel like I am not doing enough. It really stresses me out because I see my kids growing up and I know what big things they will face. I have got to do more spiritually in order to equip them….but I am tired. I have several children and life is busy and hectic. Do you have any advice?
Yes, I do. First things first. Let’s make a TO-DO List. No, not one of those lists that are telling you to clean the refrigerator, mop the floor and go to the grocery store. No, this is a “First Things First” List. Here’s how it could look (or something like this):
Morning Prayers
Mercy Chaplet (Or some other prayer for mid-afternoon to bring the family together…not too long…maybe a special litany or a different chaplet)
Family Rosary
Night Prayers
There, that’s not too long, is it? Get these done daily and they will give you the grace to handle the rest of life. Here’s a post to help with your Morning and Night Prayers. And then make sure your kids are saying their own Morning and Night Prayers. Get a little booklet to help your kids along when they are real small.
Then do the best you can for the rest of the day. We must be diligent with our daily duties but the spiritual is the most important and if you get that done, you are doing good. Rely on God for the rest.
I know that sounds simplistic but simple is best…and will help us to maintain that peace that is so crucial in the business of raising children. Well, and crucial for our own well-being and peace of mind! At the end of a hectic day, when we think we have not accomplished much, if we can look at that spiritual list and they are all checked off, you have done much!
Question: I am very worried about my children growing up in the world and in our country with the way things are going. How do you deal with these kind of thoughts?
I am going to quote a dad to answer this question:
Don’t feel sorry for or fear for your kids because the world they are going to grow up in is not what it used to be.
God created them and called them for the exact moment in time that they’re in. Their life wasn’t a coincidence or an accident.
Raise them up to know the power they walk in as children of God.
Train them up in the authority of His Word.
Teach them to walk in faith knowing that God is in control.
Empower them to know they can change the world.
Don’t teach them to be fearful and disheartened by the state of the world but hopeful that they can do something about it.
Every person in all of history has been placed in the time that they were in because of God’s sovereign plan.
He knew Daniel could handle the lions den.
He knew David could handle Goliath.
He knew Esther could handle Haman.
He knew Peter could handle persecution.
He knows that your child can handle whatever challenge they face in their life. He created them specifically for it!
Don’t be scared for your children, but be honored that God chose YOU to parent them! Teach them God’s love and to share it with everyone!
Rise up to the challenge.
Raise Daniels, Davids, Esthers and Peters! 💪🏼
God isn’t scratching His head wondering what He’s going to do with this mess of a world.
He has an army He’s raising up to drive back the darkness and make Him known all over the earth!!!
Don’t let YOUR fear steal the greatness God placed in them.
I know it’s hard to imagine them as anything besides our sweet little babies, and we just want to protect them from anything that could ever be hard on them, but they were born for such a time as this.
Just some thoughts from a dad who is rocking his sleeping baby and thinking about what a crazy day it has been in our country.
Question:
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Question:
Question: I have many children and am expecting another. I feel isolated and wish there were more like-minded people around us. I would love to get together with other families once in a while so my kids could experience some good and wholesome friendships. I also don’t have anyone around to help me out once in a while. Life is hectic.
Tea~Time With Finer Femininity
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