Category Archives: Youth/Courtship

Improper Liberties ~ Fr. Lovasik

23 Monday Jan 2023

Posted by in Clean Love in Courtship - Fr. Lovasik, Youth/Courtship

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From the little book Clean Love in Courtship by Father Lawrence Lovasik

Improper Liberties

There is no love between persons of the opposite sex which does not aim at nature’s design implanted by God, namely, the bringing of children into the world.

Since parenthood is unlawful outside of marriage, indulgence in free love for its own sake outside marriage and apart from all intention of marriage, is unlawful and mortally sinful. The only love-making which is morally justified is that of lawful courtship, with possible marriage in view and with all the restraints of respect and modesty proper courtship and marriage imply.

Worldlings try to prove to you that sinful ways are natural and that there is no wrong in obeying certain natural impulses when they call you to indulge in thoughts, desires or acts which are against the sixth and ninth commandments.

Do not deceive yourself nor permit yourself to be deceived!

Impurity is not sweet, though temptation and the tempter would urge that such sin is desirable. Lust lures, but in the lure lies death.

If you think of man as a high-grade animal or a cultured brute, you are not going to be very backward about taking and permitting liberties on dates and in courtship.

But if you regard your friend and yourself as Temples of the Holy Ghost — which you are—then you will be very careful not to desecrate those temples, though the tendencies of the lower man forever urge you to do so.

If you defile His temples, God gave you His word that He will destroy you, for St. Paul says: “If any man defile the temple of God, him shall God destroy, for the temple of God is holy, which you are.” (1 Cor. 3, 17.)

That destruction need not be death: most often, following sinful dating and courtship, punishment takes the shape of destruction of peace and joy in marriage. The best way to forestall so horrid a disaster is to steer clear of every carelessness in the observance of Christian modesty in company-keeping.

Nature has endowed woman with a stronger instinct for modesty than man. That is the saddest moment in a girl’s life when for the first time she kneels before the crucifix or image of Our Lady and feels ashamed to look into the eyes of Jesus and Mary.

The stain of a sin of impurity wiped out by one fatal sweep all the previous beauty and charm of her virtue. She has not the heart to meet her mother’s loving glance by looking her fondly in the eye, but casts her eyes down self-accusingly.

Woman’s welfare is more directly bound up with the preservation of chastity than that of man. It ought to be her special concern to safeguard this beautiful virtue. She can exert a special power over man in this regard, and it is her sacred duty to use this power.

She can sharpen man’s conscience in these matters and inspire him with a sense of reverence with respect to everything that pertains to sex.

It depends largely on her whether the sex relation will be ennobled or degraded. Man is inclined to look up to her as an ideal; it is her fault if she steps down from the pedestal and cheapens herself.

The fact is that woman suffers more severely from laxity in sex matters than man and that, consequently, in self-defense she must demand an absolute respect for the virtue of chastity and allow no compromise.

A young woman who prevails on her fiancé to approach the sacraments with her at regular intervals builds up a strong bulwark against improper advances and obtains the best guarantee for a happy future.

Nature also gave man the instinct for the maintenance of manly honor and chivalry, which prompts him to earn the respect, attachment, and love of a pure woman. Nature inclines him to be a chivalrous protector of her virtue and honor, making him willing to suffer any hardship in order to keep her innocence from every harm, as he would in the case of his own sister.

When, instead of protecting a woman’s virtue against others, man himself turns traitor and, to satisfy his low carnal desires, does what he can to wreck it, he disgraces his manhood, plays false to his title of Christian, and renders himself an object of scorn and disgust to the woman he seduces.

A man who takes undue personal liberties with a girl is her deadliest enemy—a robber who has deprived her, not of all her money and jewels, but of her greatest possession, her spotless innocence.

The meanest criminal, even if he murdered her in cold blood, would not be able to harm her as she has been harmed by her so-called” friend.” A girl’s worst enemy is this sort of “friend,” who, demon like, desecrated and devastated the beautiful temple of her soul. The preservation of chastity depends on the presence of honest and genuine love. He who sincerely loves will keep the proper distance and will not allow the bloom to be worn off the flower of love by cheapening, immoral intimacies?

True love gives strength of character and assists in the acquisition of self-control. It never takes advantage of another for the sake of personal gratification. To preserve bodily integrity before marriage, a young man must also possess some knowledge of women. Good and pure-minded women inspire respect and make the task of a young man easy, for he will have no difficulty in keeping the right distance.

A self-respecting young man will have nothing to do with girls of loose morals who hold themselves cheap and sell their favors like wares. But it is the height of chivalry to deal with an intermediary group: thoughtless, superficial girls, who play with fire.

They test to the utmost the character of a good young man. He must protect these silly creatures against their folly and against his own passions which they foolishly arouse.

In order that a young man may keep the virtue of chastity intact in himself and in his prospective life mate, he must firmly believe in the possibility of a chaste life before marriage and be convinced that God demands sexual abstinence outside the married state. God imposes no duty that is beyond our power, and He knows well what man can accomplish aided by His grace.

This realization will influence the young man’s attitude towards his fiancée and make him feel ashamed of any improper intimacies. Very wisely a decent girl will conclude that if her lover insists on indulging in mutual indecent liberties in courtship, and if he cannot master himself in the period immediately preparatory to marriage, when this mastery is comparatively easy, she cannot expect him to control himself after marriage, when control is likely to be more difficult.

What chance would she have for salvation and happiness in a marriage in which her partner would be a constant occasion of sin to her? The loss of chastity will be a terrible memory in afterlife and a source of painful reproach.

Chastity untarnished will be a source of moral strength and the best guarantee of fidelity in the marital union.

A frequent reason for cursed marriages is the folly of couples who under the screen of courtship usurp the privileges of married life without assuming the burdens of it. Had they abstained from illicit love making in their courtship, God would have blessed them with the sacred and lasting love the Sacrament of Matrimony and its subsequent blessings bestow.

Since they loved in an unholy way before they married, God consigns them to a loveless life after their marriage. Not infrequently they must bemoan in vain their punishment or trial of not having children.

Nature has its fixed purposes and limits. Once these are willfully perverted, ignored or ruthlessly exhausted by immoral practices, no regret or promise of betterment will ever restore nature’s forces to their productive power.

Against such sins St. Paul warns, “Be hot deceived: God is not mocked. For what things a man shall sow, those also shall he reap. For he that sows in his flesh, of the flesh also shall reap corruption. But he that sows in the spirit, of the spirit shall reap life everlasting.’? (Gal. vi. 7, 8.)

When you prepare for a date, you may make yourself as attractive as possible; that is the sensible thing to do if you do it with a good intention, that is, to show that you respect both your escort and yourself by making yourself as innocently inviting as you can, but by all means be reserved and hold your treasures from rough hands and evil desires. Rather die than permit yourself to be embraced and kissed by the men who seek your company and extend their social courtesies only to demand that you pay by surrender to their desires.

The man takes you to the movie, to dinner, to a dance, to a party, or for an automobile drive, but you owe him no liberties for this. If you are an earnest Catholic girl, you will retain the grace of God and your self-respect, while enjoying the esteem of all good men. You will even make evil minds pause, dazzled by the purity in your eyes, the modesty of your actions, and the reserve in your words.

Are there any against whom I feel tempted to bear a grudge? Any of whose misfortunes I feel a little pleasure in hearing? Why am I willing to listen to conversation disparaging to someone else? Can I cleanse my soul of touchiness and jealousy? How can I become more and more unselfish, and efface myself? Let me put aside considerations of my own satisfaction. . . . Ask Our Lord in Holy Communion to free you from touchiness and jealousy. -Fr. Daniel Considine, 1950

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Salvation and spiritual perfection should not be sought haphazardly; a strategy is needed to win the battle for our souls.
The Spiritual Combat, first published in 1589, provides timeless guidance in spiritual discipline. St. Francis de Sales (1576-1622) read from it himself every day and recommended it to everyone under his direction.

Vigorous, realistic and full of keen insight into human nature, The Spiritual Combat consists of short chapters based on the maxim that in the spiritual life one must either “fight or die”. Fr. Scupoli shows the Christian how to combat his passions and vices, especially impurity and sloth, in order to arrive at victo

Rooted firmly in Scripture, these pages call on husbands to stop thinking of themselves simply as bosses and breadwinners. Rather, says author Clayton Barbeau, husbands should see themselves as co-creators with God, imitators of Christ’s love for His people, high priests in the domestic Church, teachers of their children, witnesses to society, providers of spiritual and material goods, and models of holiness.

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An Important Letter From Father To Son

17 Thursday Nov 2022

Posted by in Father's Role, Parenting, Virtues, Youth, Youth/Courtship

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An Important Letter From Father To Son

From Steering the Boy to a Happy Marriage, 1949

Dear Son:

This letter is very important, perhaps the most important I will ever write, and having been a stenographer, secretary, etc. I have written many. But this is from me to you—from father to son—my only son—and seemingly certain the only son I will ever have. If it should be that you have a son some day you will understand—the love of a father for his son.

So far, you have done very well and I am proud of you, and feel certain you will continue to be a credit to yourself, to your fine mother and sisters and to me. But fate, perhaps of my own making, has decreed that we are separated for a time and at this particular period of your life when I so much want to help you find the true guide for living.

I have in my pocket a slip of paper, already yellowed with age, on which I wrote the following: “Nov. 17, 1919 1:10 PM (Name) Took (mother) to hospital 1 :00 AM, 11, 17 19.” You are therefore 19 years 5 months old now, an age at which a boy needs the helpful guidance of his father.

Now that I am well and able, much more so than ever, I feel keenly my responsibility to you. Oh what I would give if I could have had guidance like this from my father when I was your age? My father died when I was only four and one-half years old—I don’t even remember him. Consequently I had no one to do this for me.

When I say that I don’t wish to reflect unkindly on my very good mother and sisters. They did more than their full duty to me.

If I had had such a letter, or personal instruction, and had faithfully followed it, it would have saved me untold misery and finally deep despair, to say nothing of the suffering and unhappiness that I caused many others. But if that had been the case perhaps you would never have been born, or at least you would have different parents—but I am getting into deep water here and had better throw out the life line.

So let’s take the situation as we find it, not as we would like to have it—always a good rule to start with on a job of work. But before joyfully entering the fray and accepting the challenge, and before I forget to mention it, I want to say that one of the many reasons why I so much wanted to see you at Easter was that I wanted to help you in the matter of your rupture.

I remember keenly how much concern mine gave me when I was near your age. You have arrived at or are approaching the period when sex begins to engage the thoughts of most young people. The right way to handle this natural condition is to make it an imperative MUST rule of conduct to obey the sixth commandment of God: “Thou shalt not com-mit adultery.”

This means to keep yourself morally clean in all respects just as the Boy Scout oath requires and which you have taken many times. There will be times when you are in the company of careless or weak companions when they will attempt to ridicule you into violating this commandment, and there even might occur a tempter in the way of a bad girl or woman of loose morals.

Or you might get the idea to yield to impurity in secret and think no one will know. But heed my plea and stand steadfast, no matter what the cost, and you will be glad you did.

When the right girl comes along, if marriage should be your portion, you will know it, and the fact that you have kept yourself clean will be a big aid in itself in meeting the right girls among whom the right one might turn up.

Remember—make it a MUST rule and no compromise in any circumstances. One cannot get away from one’s conscience—it will follow one to the ends of the earth, and that “still small voice” will be there just the same.

One of the fine results from a strict observance of this excellent commandment is that it keeps one from dissipating his energy and time on sinful things, and keeps the mind alert for attention to other things which really contribute to one’s welfare and happiness.

You have a good knowledge of the Bible and must have noted how often reference is made to the wickedness of impurity, lust, etc. and how often they have caused the downfall of individuals and nations.

Another thing to bear in mind is to avoid the things and places where temptation is likely to occur, such as smutty magazines, indecent photographs, motion pictures playing up sex, (generally in a subtle, enticing manner), association with the wrong kind of girls.

A young man cannot associate with evil very long before the devil en-traps him. Don’t try to see how close you can come and think you will not weaken. That is why Christ taught all to pray: “Lead us not into temptation.” The smart thing is to keep as far away from it as possible. So much for that.

All the other commandments are important too and should be kept faithfully. The means recommended by the Church for right living and the natural consequence—right preparation for the life hereafter,—are:

1. Keep the commandments;

  1. Receive the sacraments;

3. Perform good works;

4. Pray.

It is well to bear these in mind and practice them. This will give you the assurance that God is your ally and therefore you cannot fail to win the day. And when the time comes for you to pass out of life you will face death with that peace springing from the conviction of life everlasting, of which St. Paul said: “That eye hath not seen, nor ear heard, neither hath it entered into the heart of man what things God hath prepared for them that love him.”

On the matter of the life hereafter, which, of course, is not far ahead for every soul, that grand inspired messenger of Christ, John L. Stoddard, out of the richness of a lifetime of observation, experience and research, states his ultimate conclusion in the following beautiful, conviction-compelling manner:

“A time will come,—may come at any moment,—when this ephemeral existence, with its business occupations, wealth and pleasures, must be left. Some callously declare that they shall then expire like the beasts, and pass at once to nothingness.

But, in the face of man’s unsatisfied desires and potentialities, of his instinctive longing for the reign of perfect justice, and of the positive words of Christ in reference to a future judgment, how do they know that they will pass thus into annihilation, untried, unrecompensed, unpunished? They do not know it. They cannot know it. The fact that they desire it does not make it true.

“And if they do not find annihilation at death’s portal, but on the contrary confront their Maker and their Judge there, well, what then? One thing is sure; of all that they desired here,—rank riches, pleasures, personal beauty, power, fame,—they can take nothing with them. All that will go with them into the future life will be,—not what they have, but what they are.

To all men, therefore, it must seem possible, to most men probable, and to Christians certain, that this life is not all ; that this world’s sorrow, suffering and bereavement are not the meaningless precursors of annihilation; that all the great achievements of the human mind will not end uselessly upon a lifeless orb; that earth’s injustices will not rest unavenged; that worthy, pious and self-sacrificing deeds will not go unrewarded; and, above all, that Heaven is not a mere mirage, nor God a myth, nor immortality an idle dream.”

The following from the Bible seems fitting here: “and fear ye not them that kill the body, and are not able to kill the soul ; but rather fear him that can destroy both soul and body in hell.” (St. Matt. 10:28).

I cannot live your life for you, and I would not if I could. That is every person’s privilege and duty. But there is no reason why you should not profit by my experience. It is the smart thing to do. And you will thereby go farther and accomplish more than I have.

This letter is nearing conclusion, and I am only going to mention the following to help impress you with my earnestness and the truth of what I have stated herein.

I am writing this at a time when I haven’t a dollar of my own, and am temporarily living on the charity of a good sister. The point I would make is that I have this firm belief, even in these circumstances.

How much easier it will be when I have at my disposal an abundant income, which I feel supremely confident I will have soon, because, by the grace of God, I have the stuff to earn it: “Give the world the best you have, and the best will come back to you.”

I still have a long ways to go. Also, going back to the last paragraph, it is not so easy to do what I am doing, considering that over a long period I had an ample income; at times substantial. It requires much self-discipline and patience, two virtues which I do not recall ever being charged with. (Perhaps this is how I have to get them.)

I hope you will feel inclined to keep and cherish this letter, and to read it every now and then. If it should be that you are present when I pass on, it would give me the greatest pleasure if you could tell me that you have faithfully followed the advice here given to the best of your ability. I will, of course, supplement this in person, from time to time when we meet.

I am drafting this letter on a beautiful, balmy spring afternoon, sitting on a bench in the Public Library Park at Massachusetts Ave. and K Street in the nation’s capital. It is wonderful to be alive and able and willing to do one’s best work, in which there is always the greatest pleasure. You will find life that way pretty much if you adopt the program I have recommended to you. By this I am giving you the best I have; angels can do no more.

John Henry Newman said: “Nothing would be done at all, if a man waited till he could do it so well that no one could find fault with it.”

This is a good thing to remember in many situations. And now, goodbye for a little while, and may God bless you and give you understanding and strength. This morning I received your very good letter. Those grades are excellent and I am more than pleased. Will write in a few days.

Yours very truly, Dad

“Who shall blame a child whose soul turns eagerly to the noise and distraction of worldliness, if his parents have failed to show him that love and peace and beauty are found only in God?” – Mary Reed Newland

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Your Everyday Problems ~ Catholic Youth’s Guide, Fr. Kelly

18 Tuesday Oct 2022

Posted by in Youth, Youth/Courtship

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by Rev. George A. Kelly, Catholic Youth’s Guide to Life and Love

Your everyday problems

Not long ago, an executive of a record company was watching a television program. There appeared on the screen an actor playing the part of a parking lot attendant—a finger-snapping jive-talker with all the mannerisms of a rock’n’roll fan.

The executive disliked the character instantly. And he realized that typical American parents who saw the program also would loathe the lad.

Then he had a momentous thought. If parents despised the boy, wouldn’t teenagers find him inspirational? He decided to take the actor who played that part and turn him into a singer. A song was especially written in which the actor mumbled a few lines over and over. The song was introduced—and took exactly two weeks to reach first place in the “Hit Parade.”

The recording executive shrewdly realized how to appeal to teenagers. Just give them a character he knew their parents would loathe.

His bull’s-eye is an amusing commentary on one of the biggest problems you probably face. It’s how to get along with your parents. Most teenagers have such conflicts. It’s natural because you’re in a “between” stage of development.

When you were seven, you didn’t have these problems; you did what you were told without question. When you’re twenty-two, you won’t have these problems either; you’ll come and go pretty much as you please.

It’s quite a change to go from a state in which you utterly depend upon your parents to one in which you’re almost completely independent.

How much freedom should you have?

Right now, you should have considerably more freedom than you had at seven, and considerably less than you’ll have at twenty-two. Nobody disputes that fact. But exactly how much should you have now? That’s the question that causes all the trouble.

“My mother says I’m old enough to mow the lawn and wash the car, but I’m too young to go to a movie tonight with my friends,” complains fourteen-year-old Tommy.

“Tommy complained when I gave him his lunch money every morning,” says his mother. “He said he could handle his allowance in a lump once a week. So I gave it to him. He spent it all on hamburgers and milk shakes for his crowd, and I had to give him extra money the next day. How can I trust him when he acts as childish as that?”

These complaints are typical. Multiply them a few dozen times and you get a clear idea why teenagers often say that they don’t get along with their parents, and vice versa. What can you do about it?

Let’s face some facts. Your parents must set the standard. They’ve been through your experiences themselves. They know—maybe better than you realize—what your temptations, liabilities and capabilities are. They have the experience to make sound judgments.

Even if your mother and father wanted to let you do whatever you pleased, they would not have the moral and legal freedom to do it.

When God made them your parents, He gave them a solemn obligation to look out for your welfare until you’re old enough to do so yourself. In society’s eyes, you’re not old enough to care for yourself until you’re at least eighteen. (In most States a boy can’t marry without his parents’ consent until he’s twenty-one.)

Your parents are legally responsible for what you do. Let’s say that you drive a car down the street and cause an accident. The law would make them foot the bill. So, whether they like it or not, they must concern themselves with your welfare.

Your parents probably know more about what’s going on than you imagine. They can’t help reading about “juvenile delinquents,” about teenage pregnancies and marriages, about young drivers involved in car crashes, about sex influences that modern youngsters are exposed to almost everywhere they turn—movies, television programs, books, magazines, and so on.

Don’t think your parents lack confidence in you, either. They know from experience that wholesome boys and girls with the best intentions can often find themselves in situations which could cause great harm.

Two fathers of sixteen-year-old boys were talking. “When my son’s out at night, I worry about him,” the first said. “These modern kids don’t do what we did when we were their age.”

“I worry about my boy, too,” said the second father. “I worry that mine is doing what I did.”

In a humorous way, that story sizes up the fact that parents have plenty to worry about.

For the sake of discussion, let’s say that their worries aren’t justified. Nevertheless, they don’t worry for the fun of it. It’s not a hobby with them. They’re seriously interested in your welfare.

And although you may think that they often overdo it, deep in your heart you want them to set standards for you. You’d feel pretty low if you came home at 4:00 A.M., after being out on a date all night, and found that they didn’t care where you were or what you did.

You’d have an empty feeling if you brought home a report card filled with failing marks, and your parents didn’t lay down the law to you.

When high school boys and girls get together, they frankly admit they don’t have the will power, experience or judgment to make major decisions for themselves.

Dramatic proof of this occurred not long ago when a news commentator appeared before a meeting of students. He started by denouncing adults who “censor” youngsters’ reading matter. Thinking he was striking a popular note, he went on to say that high school students should be free to read anything and were wise enough to judge for themselves whether the material was harmful.

He couldn’t have struck a falser note. As soon as he sat down, the students stood up to tell him that they wanted adults to select their reading matter, because they realized what harm might result if they made the selections themselves.

Your parents must impose many standards upon you if they’re to do the job God gave them. They must set up regulations to make sure that you do your homework assignments and don’t “goof off” at school.

They’re morally obliged to protect you from influences they believe might harm your soul—to forbid you to go to places which may be occasions of sin and to associate with boys or girls who may be an evil influence.

They also must make certain that you obey God’s laws—attend Mass on Sundays and holy days of obligation, receive the sacraments regularly, fast and abstain on the days appointed, and obey all the other commandments.

They must also keep you from doing things which may injure your health. If you don’t get enough sleep or eat proper foods, they’re duty-bound to correct you. A vast field still remains in which parents can set the standards or not, as they see fit.

They can insist that you have proper table manners, come to meals properly dressed, sit up straight when you eat, and observe all the niceties of etiquette. Or they can let you slouch and eat with your fingers.

When you go out in the evening, they can insist that you wear neat, clean clothes, that your face is washed and hair combed. Or they can let you walk out in the slacks you’ve worn for the past two weeks, or with hands and face that haven’t been washed in days.

It’s in this vast area that conflicts often arise. There may be a wide gap between what your parents try to make you do and what you want to do. The problem is simple. You want to be treated like an adult who can make his own decisions. The solution also is simple. Just act like the grownup you want to be!

If your parents deny you all the freedom you think you deserve, maybe it’s because they’re used to telling you what to do. After all, they’ve done it ever since you were born.

It takes time for them to realize that you’re no longer a child and now can do many things for yourself. You might have to educate them by proving that you deserve more responsibilities. The best way is by handling those you already have with complete satisfaction. Then they’ll be glad to give you more.

They want you to be an independent, mature individual who can stand on his own feet. Parents are usually eager to have their children grow up. So if you want to be treated like a grownup, act like one.

If you regularly spend some time with God each day, you will find it easy to call upon Him when you need Him. Prayer lifts you above the sordid things of this world. It purifies your mind and strengthens your will. It keeps your soul seeking after God alone—the real purpose of life! ~Fr. Lovasik, Painting by Herbert Gustave Schmalz, 1856-1935

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Here is a marriage blueprint that every woman can follow. Happy marriages do not just happen, they are made. It takes three parties to make a good marriage; the husband, the wife, and the Lord. This book is concerned with helping the woman to become the wife desired and therefore loved that every man worth having wishes to find and keep.<P> This book sold over a quarter of a million copies shortly after its publication in 1951, and it was read by Catholics and non-Catholics alike. It is a practical manual. It should be read by every woman considering entering the matrimonial state and also by those women who are already married. It can also be read by men who may wish to see what a real challenge it is for a woman to live up to their expectations and how grateful they should be if they are blessed to find the woman of their desires…

Armed with Barbeau s wisdom, you’ll grow closer to your wife and to your children, while deepening your love for God. You’ll be able to lead your family to holiness amidst the troubles and temptations that threaten even the best of families today: infidelity, divorce, materialism, loneliness, and despair.

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Care and Common Sense in Choosing a Partner

13 Thursday Oct 2022

Posted by in Clean Love in Courtship - Fr. Lovasik, Youth, Youth/Courtship

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Clean Love in Courtship by Father Lovasik

The decision of supreme importance in your life is the choice of a helpmate for life. The consequences of that choice reach even into eternity. It follows that your choice should be made with the greatest care, prudence and wisdom.

Company-keeping and courtship have no other reason for existence except to assist you in becoming better acquainted and in making a wise choice. Acquaintance and friendship between the sexes should be fairly extensive. Dances, dramatics, and social affairs are designed to promote such acquaintance.

Meet many young people of good reputation and character. Mingle and talk with them in a friendly way. Learn their interests, disposition and character.

Out of many friendships you are likely to form one based upon disposition, character, training, outlook and convictions—one which will ripen into conjugal love. In courtship you must first of all be true to yourself. Because a choice is made while the emotions tend to disturb the even functioning of the mind, you stand at that time in particular need of guidance.

 

The advice of parents, the priest, and of other sensible people of experience should be sought. Do not make the mistake of confiding in no one about your choice of a helpmate in life. This would close the door to many helpful suggestions and perhaps open it to an unfortunate marriage.

Love is blind. Commonsense can give it eyes.

So keep at least one ear attuned to the voice of reason. Do not be content to gaze upon the beauty of the face of your sweetheart, but learn to penetrate to the disposition and character with which you must live when the bloom of youth has gone.

Be on your guard against elements which make for separation and divorce. One of the chief causes of these disorders is that the couple discovers after marriage that they are mismatched; they have little in common. They are uncongenial in temperament and disposition; they differ in moral character and in religious outlook, in culture and tastes.

Association loses its charm; boredom sets in and finally leads to aversion.Test yourself to find out if you are really called to married life with this particular person. As soon as you realize that such a union does not and cannot appeal to you, gently discontinue the courtship regardless of consequences.

It is better to part as friends in good time than to be compelled either to live together very unhappily for life, or to separate as enemies later on. After all, it is the purpose of courtship to learn this very thing.Courtship should be entered upon with a deep sense of responsibility and mutual respect.

Intelligent choice of a mate must not look only to mutual physical attraction, but more so to harmony of tastes,feelings, desires, aspirations, and of temperament. It must weigh spiritual more than physical values.

What has begun as a mere sex intimacy is not likely to end in a happy marriage.In courtship you must also be honest and honorable towards your partner.

Reveal yourself and your family and personal stature with sincerity and truth to the extent to which he or she has the right to this information. However, there are certain things of a family or personal nature one need not and must not tell, such as personal repented sin. They are best left buried and forgotten.

No one except God should ever know of past sins. As soon as you know that a person has no prospect whatever of marrying you,you are in duty bound to discontinue receiving his attentions.

After you are engaged to be married, you can no longer keep company honorably with others, as long as this engagement holds.Listen to the wise voice of the ancient Church which has seen millions of young couples through happy marriages and has only their earthly success and eternal happiness at heart.

The Catholic Church warns you in advance that you will pay a heavy penalty for negligence, haste, and rashness in choosing a partner.

Before she admits candidates to the priesthood, she requires them to spend long years in training and discipline, meditating all the while on the seriousness of the step they contemplate.

Yet Holy Orders imposes no obligation of greater duration than that imposed by matrimony. Refrain from beginning to keep regular company too soon. If you begin to do so at sixteen or seventeen years, you expose yourself either to the danger of a premature marriage with its frequent mistake of poor choice or you court the hardly lesser evil of an immoderately long courtship with the attendant disadvantages.

You tie yourself down to one person and thus lose the social advantages and contacts that will have a great influence upon your later life. You expose yourself in a special way to temptations against chastity, because this love affair may be a very prolonged one, and the danger of violating chastity increases as the affection is prolonged.

If you begin “to go steady” while you are a student, you will find it almost impossible to do justice to your studies.Since courtship limits your interest to a single person, it should not be undertaken until you are in a position seriously to consider marriage in the not too distant future.

This presupposes that you have attained the age to understand the great responsibilities of marriage and that you have enough financial resources to establish and maintain a home.

Marrying in haste nearly always means repenting bitterly at leisure. Do not prefer to be sorry to being certain.While the Church warns against courtships of undue brevity, she likewise counsels against those of excessive length.

No hard and fast rule can be laid down determining the exact length of courtship. It should be of sufficient duration to allow young people to learn the character and disposition of each other quite well.

This can usually be done in a period ranging from six months to a year. Ordinarily regular company-keeping should not be protracted much beyond a year. Aside from the obvious moral dangers involved, long courtships are undesirable because they often end in no marriage or in an unhappy marriage.

Grievous injustice can be done to the girl if the man terminates the courtship after monopolizing her attention for several years, and depriving her of other opportunities. Courtship is not the end but the vestibule leading to the great Sacrament.

 

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What an awe-inspiring vocation is motherhood! We change the world as we live out our vocation. Dedication, love, and all the other virtues are so important in this journey…and we are imperfect vessels. So we bring ourselves to the feet of the Perfect Mother, asking her to fill in for our inadequacies, to assist us on our path, to pray for us that we may be given the grace to be a good mother. And she will not fail us. -Finer Femininity
Painting by Nellie Edwards, https://www.paintedfaith.net/

 

 

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True Friendship ~ Rev. George Kelly

22 Thursday Sep 2022

Posted by in Marriage, Youth, Youth/Courtship

≈ 3 Comments

A very good analysis of true friendship (in marriage and otherwise)…..

From Chastity, A Guide for Youth by Fr. Gerald Kelly, S.J., 1940’s

It has been our experience with many young men and women who read the manuscript of this book that at first some were strongly inclined to balk at our description of friendship. Their idea of a friend had always been: “1 like him and he likes me.” and they were displeased on finding that that notion could not always square with the qualifications on which we insist.

After considerable argument on our part and further consideration on theirs, they have generally come to the conclusion that we are correct. It is essential to keep in mind from the beginning that we are talking about true friendship, not about a mere emotional fascination, or blind passion, or a companionship of mere convenience which is struck up today, is carried on pleasantly for a time, and then dies of its own weight.

Real friendship differs considerably from these things. A companionship may be styled a real friendship only when it possesses these three qualities:

1) It is morally helpful to both parties; 2) There is a genuine basis of agreement between the parties; 3) Their mutual love is characterized by a spirit of self-sacrifice.

A few words about each of these qualities will lay a solid foundation for the first part of this book. For the time being it is well to omit any special application to love between the sexes.

These three qualities distinguish true friendship wherever it is found, whether between persons of the same sex or of different sexes. The qualities have not been chosen arbitrarily or at random; they are given here as the result of long and serious study of the real meaning of friendship, and with the confidence that any thoughtful reader will agree with the enumeration.

Morally Helpful

To put this negatively, it means that a companionship is not a true friendship if it leads to sin, to troubles of conscience, to a lowering of ideals, to a weakening of faith, to neglect in the practice of one’s religious duties. Such harmful moral effects violate the most elemental idea of real friendship.

Friendship is founded on mutual respect, and it is impossible to have a sincere respect for one who has the influence of poison on the soul. True love seeks the good of the beloved, and this good is never found in sin.

Friendship should have a positive influence for moral good. The appreciation of the worthiness of the friend should inspire one to a similar worthiness. It lifts up; it brings both nearer to God; it is a union in Christ.

An intimate companionship is bound to influence both parties, and only a good influence is worthy of friendship. There should be mutual help to avoid sin, and mutual inspiration to the practice of virtue.

This does not mean that in forming our friendships we must consciously strive for moral betterment, but it does mean that we should not consciously prolong a companionship that we recognize as morally evil.

It does not mean that both friends must be equal in virtue, but it does mean that both should have an appreciation of and a willingness to practice virtue and that at least their influence on each other is not a hindrance to the practice of virtue.

You can have a blind attachment for a person who leads you away from God, but you cannot have a genuine love for such a person. “I love you, so let’s go to hell together,” is language that simply does not make sense, whether expressed by word or action; whereas the contrary, “I love you, so I want to take you to heaven with me,” is full of meaning.

Agreement

This point may seem too obvious for discussion, for we are accustomed to think of friendship in terms of common interests, common taste, similar likings, and so forth.

The friend is one to whom we go for sympathy, encouragement, helpful advice, and inspiration; he is one with whom we can share joy and sorrow; he is, in fine, another self.

All these things imply a very special kind of agreement. Obvious though it may seem there are a few points about the agreement of friendship that may well be recalled here. The agreement, for instance, is genuine, not artificial. In this it differs greatly from mere fascination.

If you have a strong emotional attachment to another, you will often note that it prompts you to like just what he likes, to want to do just what he wants, to think about things just as he thinks about them, yet all the while, if you are honest, you know deep down in your heart that the whole similarity is artificial, that this is not your ordinary way of living and thinking, and that it cannot last.

To know if the agreement of real friendship exists, one has to decide if there exists between oneself and one’s friend a basis for lasting harmony. This does not mean that both most have exactly the same natural likes and dislikes. That kind of similarity may even be destructive of true, lasting friendship, because it makes things too easy, limits the beneficial interchange of views, and reduces incentive to mutual self-sacrifice dangerously close to zero.

The ideal agreement of friendship implies the ability to work together harmoniously, with wholesome agreement on big and fundamental things and agreeable compromise in the lesser things.

Differences of opinion and taste should be points of enjoyable mental contact and intercommunication, and not occasions for the breaking of the friendship. Normally there must be some compromise, some mutual yielding in regard to personal likes and dislikes, in friendship.

Few people can be intimate over a long period of time and always have the same desires at the same time or always be naturally pleasing to each other. There must be compromise, mutual yielding in such small things as how to spend an evening or how to decorate a room; there must be mutual overlooking of small faults and mutual respect for divergent opinions.

But the compromise has to be limited to accidentals. It cannot enter the sphere of conscience. It cannot include such fundamental things as Creed, Moral Code, Method of Worship.

At least fora Catholic, compromise in these latter things would violate the first rule of friendship. That is a difficulty often brought out at the time of a mixed marriage. The non-Catholic is sometimes of the opinion that he is being dealt with unjustly when he is asked to promise to allow the children to be brought up as Catholics.

In reality, it is the only way that the case could be solved without an immoral compromise, for non-Catholics generally agree on the principle that one Christian religion is as good as another, whereas it is part and parcel of a Catholic’s faith that his is the one true Church. He could not conscientiously allow his children to be brought up in any other church, whereas most non-Catholics can do that without violating their consciences.

The wider the field of intimacy and harmony among friends, the richer and more extensive is their friendship. Thus, all other things being equal, two saints enjoy a richer friendship than do ordinary people because their capacity for mutual sharing is more profound.

So, too, all other things being equal, a friendship between two good Catholics is richer than a friendship that exists between a Catholic and a non-Catholic, for the simple reason that the former have a much larger field of common interests and a much deeper bond of common sympathy.

But, whatever be the scope of their mutual intimacy, friends should always realize that they can and should keep their friendship vital and make it richer by a constant striving to reproduce in oneself the good one finds in the other. And this really brings us to the third quality of friendship.

Self-Sacrifice

It is not mere poetry to say that true friendship involves a blending of souls. In any blending process, each element gives up something of itself, of its own individuality, and thus contributes to the common result.

Friendship is the result of an analogous union of souls –each gives his best to the other. In practice, this giving of one’s best means sustained self-sacrifice. Friendship cannot endure without it.

St. Ignatius, speaking of friendship between God and the soul, gives these two simple signs of the love of friendship:

First, it shows itself by deeds rather than words.

Secondly, if one friend has good things, he wishes to share them with the other.

These are good norms for human friendship, too; they indicate the quality of self-giving that is the salt of all friendship. To keep this from being too theoretical, it is well to look at some of the many practical ways in which self-sacrifice plays its part in keeping friendship alive.

For example, there are the compromises already mentioned. Each compromise requires a certain gracious “giving in,” and the willingness to do this is incompatible with unyielding selfishness.

When you have known a person for a long time, especially when you associate with him intimately, you begin to notice small defects that you may not have perceived at the beginning; sometimes, because of changing moods, these defects begin to “get on your nerves.” These moments can be fatal to friendship unless one resolutely crushes the inclination to concentrate on them and make much of them.

Or again, suspicions and jealousies may arise in the mind. The loyalty necessary for friendship demands that such things be banished.

A friend should be a resort in time of trial, one who can give sympathy and encouragement, one who has a willing ear for both troubles and pleasures. Often enough it is not difficult to exercise these good offices of friendship, but sometimes it happens that you are in a contrary mood just when your friend needs help. You would much rather talk about yourself.

At these times, the readiness to fulfill the duties of a friend cheerfully requires great self-sacrifice.

Again it happens that at the beginning of friendship, both are quite spontaneous in performing little kindnesses and courtesies; but the familiarity of friendship has a tendency to blunt this spirit of thoughtfulness. Yet such thoughtfulness in little things must be kept up, and doing so requires constant self-discipline.

Finally, each friend should be a moral inspiration to the other; and there in no doubt that the day-in and day-out attempt to be worthy of the other, to be a help to the other, makes constant demands on one’s self-love.

The foregoing examples give some indication of how friendship is a perpetual and mutual self-giving. This need of self-sacrifice may be summed up in a few words: there must be patience with defects, rejection of suspicions, constancy in service, a real desire and a genuine effort to understand each other–in fine, the practice of the golden rule by both parties, especially in bad moods, disagreements, and misunderstandings.

In themselves, these occasions of difficulty are small, arising out of the fact that we human beings have many imperfections. But constancy in facing them and cheerfully overcoming oneself in them requires a high quality of love.

A Rational Love

After the explanation of the three qualities of friendship, it should be evident that the love of friendship is not mere emotionalism or sentimentality or sense appeal. It is a rational love, a human love.

We human beings differ from animals in that our minds can see the good and that we can freely direct our affections towards that good. There may or may not be much external notation in our love; our hearts may or may not beat violently; but the essential thing, the fundamental thing, the human thing is that the head must also be used.

Friendship is basically a love of the mind. One sees the goodness, the character of the friend, and upon this basis one strives for union.

Perhaps we should add here that in speaking of friendship we have been considering the ideal. Of course, in any definite friendship the qualities we have outlined admit of progress, and it may be that in the beginning they are present only very imperfectly.

But they ought to be present at least in some degree; otherwise the friendship can hardly be called true.

🌺🌺Esther Update…🌺🌺

The doctor let Esther go home on Monday. She does breathing treatments at home and they just got an oxygen machine for her. The nights are rough but she is slowly progressing.

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Practical Tips on Dating ~ Fr. Lovasik

13 Tuesday Sep 2022

Posted by in Clean Love in Courtship - Fr. Lovasik

≈ 1 Comment

From Clean Love in Courtship, Fr. Lawrence Lovasik

Three General Principles

I. Always Keep Your Courtship on a High Plane. Keep sex in the background! It must not dominate your thoughts and dictate your conduct. The physical must be subordinated to the spiritual because man is a spiritual creature and not mere animal.

Allowing your courtship to degenerate to the physical would mean a loss of honor and respect. An attraction which springs largely from the physical element of sex is an insecure foundation for enduring friendship and conjugal love.

Pure love is the foundation of a happy courtship. The reason why there are so many sinful, saddened hearts in courtship is because too many young men and women fail to distinguish clearly between love and lust; and yet they are as completely different as day is from night.

True love is pure, beautiful, noble, self-sacrificing. It is dominated by mutual respect for each other’s character, not by mere emotion, passion and lust. True love is unselfish, thinking only of the good of the other; it would rather endure any self-restraint than harm the other in any way.

If love-making does not rise above the mere thrill of bodily sensations, it can be no more than indulgence in passion, which is lust. Lust, on the other hand, is ugly, base, selfish, impure; it seeks nothing outside itself. All fine promises and sweet expressions of love are but lies.

A beautiful friendship is marred because the boy and girl permit indecent liberties which are like vicious cancers eating their way into their very hearts and destroying virtue, peace and happiness.

Pure love is the best preparation for marriage; lust draws down God’s curse upon it. If by company-keeping you are encouraged in purity, the true love is the basis of your friendship and enduring affection will be the result.

If through company-keeping you are encouraged to impurity, then lust, not love, is the foundation of the friendship and evil will be the result. There is a natural and necessary relationship between your conduct now and your status later in marriage.

If a young man is selfish, loose, crude, unreasonable now, do not expect that he will be unselfish, high-minded, spiritual and controlled in marriage.

The Sacraments do not change nature; they elevate it if it is disposed to be elevated. A foul love must be driven out by a fair love. In the pure love of a young man for a virtuous girl, he finds a shield against unchastity.

Reverent love will be a protection for both. If a boy wants the girl he goes with now to be the best wife she can be for his children; if he himself wants to be the best husband he can be for her and the best father he can be for his children, he must respect that girl before marriage.

He will do everything he can, in a positive way, and at any price, to retain or regain his personal purity and to protect the modesty and loveliness of the girl he respects, even as St. Joseph kept himself spotless and safeguarded the virginity of the Mother of God. Consequently, you need not resort to lust to enjoy one another. You will find untold happiness in the mere presence of the one you really care for—happiness which arises from the contact of mind with mind, of heart with heart, of personality with personality. This is infinitely more satisfying and enduring than mere contact of bodies.

Wondrous beauty can be found in the character of any good boy or girl if you will only patiently look for it. A young man will surely win the heart of a girl if he always acts as a gentleman and places her upon her rightful pedestal of innocence and queenly modesty. In like manner, a girl will command the respect and win the love of a boy if by words and actions she makes it clear that she will tolerate no Compromise with her ideals of honor and integrity.

Any momentary weakness may be implied as an invitation to dangerous liberties. Direct your friendship so that it may square with Christ’s law of honor and purity in a chaste and noble love.

Elevate your love to Christ that your love may be sweeter and more enduring. Then leaving one another, you can walk to the Communion rail and receive your Eucharistic Lord with reverent minds and chaste hearts. Where chaste love fills your company-keeping, courtship becomes an aid to virtue and an encouragement to holiness.

II. Follow a “Hands-off” Policy

The purpose of courtship is to prepare you for marriage by enabling you to find the boy who will one day be your partner in life; hence it is to be spent in the manner God has intended. Anything that is contrary to God’s holy law in courtship should be avoided, lest the devil, and not God, rule your friendship and lead it most certainly to moral disaster. Too many perfectly decent and innocent girls do not understand a young man’s problem of self control. Many dangers and temptations will be avoided if you remember that the physical element of sex is more highly localized in man and that he is more easily aroused, while the psychical element is more pronounced in woman.

Actions and contact which leaves you undisturbed may greatly arouse the passions of your companion. Consequently, be considerate of him as well as of yourself and discourage any liberty which may be an occasion of sin.

An earnest word, a look of disapproval, a sudden change in the conversation, a quick and determined step away will be a hint that a decent young man will not fail to take. With his senses restored to him, he will appreciate this firm yet sympathetic gesture and will admire you all the more for it because he will see that you really want to keep your courtship clean.

On the other hand, if you yield to his entreaties for certain liberties, he will be ashamed of himself for his humiliating defeat and disgusted with you (though he may not show it) because you occasioned it.

You will equally share in this feeling of shame and disgust, especially if you realize that your womanly modesty should be your greatest treasure. It is therefore wise and even necessary for you to follow a “hands-off” policy.

Respect the person of the friend with whom you are keeping company and make him respect you.

Do not try to set him —and yourself as well—on fire by exciting desires which cannot be satisfied save at the expense of all that you both should hold dear. Love should occasion happiness, not pain; so do not torture your friend by inflicting on him restlessness and a disturbed conscience.

To refrain from the defilement of the good and to allay lust in the hearts of men is the greatest human victory that woman can win over man. She then becomes close to the angel in appeal.

III. Plan Your Dates

If you have to plan for the prolonged date that is marriage, you are smart if you plan for even the brief date of a day or an evening together. A marriage without interests or things to do is dull  and dangerous.

To go off on an unplanned date with nothing in particular to do is also dull and often dangerous. At the end of the date the boy finds that he has spent a lot of money on a lot of things that did not give either of you a great deal of fun.

The girl finds that she is expected to accept or is forced to resist a vigorous effort on his part to fill out a flat, unplanned date with adolescent love-making.

Dates are successful when they are planned. That means that you ought to look around for unusual and interesting things to do, novel places to visit, pleasant things to talk about. But a date is not merely a recreation quest—dancing, the theater, the movies, going places. A date really is anything that two or more people enjoy doing together. Real fun is found not on dates where a lot of things are done for you, but on dates where you are doing things yourself.

Dates lose their charm if you assume that they must be expensive. You can have more fun walking with someone you like than you can dining at a fashionable restaurant, paying a heavy cover charge and checking an expensive menu merely to impress somebody who may not even want to be impressed.

A bank-roll is not the essential factor of a good time. A girl who has to have a lot of money spent on her before she has a good time on a date will make a nagging, money-digging, selfish sort of wife.

A boy who will not ask a girl out unless he has a pocketful of money is a show-off. Worth-while girls do not expect a man to spend a lot of money on them. Be honest about the fact that you have not a lot of money to spend.

Your city is full of places to go and things to do that do not cost much more than a little walk or carfare. You can spend very happy hours wandering with a pleasant companion through a park, an art gallery, a museum, an industrial center, a beautiful church, or listening to a good lecture or a band concert.

Hobbies can enter into the schedule of dates—things you do extremely well, things you are interested in collecting. A girl should be interested in what interests the boy she likes. A boy probably gets more zest out of his hobby if he thinks that some pleasant girl is interested in it, too.

It is often advisable to add another couple to your dates if you find each other a temptation and danger; this is better than giving up dating altogether. This self-chaperoning often eliminates a lot of problems for both the boy and the girl.

Be interested in foursome or six some dates. Talking is simpler and there is more fun. It ceases to be a dialogue, or, worse, a monologue. Double dating need not be expensive if expenses are shared.

Temptation is much less likely when there is a small crowd. Then, too, a foursome or a six some on a date can take part in games, which are often very exciting. All this means more dates at home; more dates where money does not have to be considered; where the radio brings the music of the greatest name orchestras in the nation right into your living room; where a recording machine and a supply of records keep a crowd going for an evening; where a homemade sandwich tastes delicious; where the piano becomes the center of fun, and a crowd put their heads together to sing to their own delight.

Thus dates could be built around that very normal love that both boys and girls have for good youthful talk. This sort of date will cut the occasion for adolescent love-making to a minimum.

Your dates will be happy if they are sinless. The people you go out with should be better  because they were with you. Do not permit yourself to be touched by any of the things that make so much modern dating ugly and perilous—too much drink, dirty stories, disgusting dances, questionable taverns and roadhouses, sin and all its ugliness. Foresee and guard against the dangers that might spoil your dates. Always take Jesus and Mary along with you on your dates. They are deeply happy to see you happy.

There is something terrible in the thought that, while sorrow often drives young people to the feet of Christ and Our Lady, good times are often occasions for driving Jesus and Mary from their side, when they hold out their arms to evil.

When you are going out on a date, why don’t the two of you make a call on Christ in the tabernacle? You should make a date to go to benediction, to the novena, to May devotions, to confession, to a special sermon, as naturally as you go to a movie or dance. Make a date to go to Mass and Holy Communion together before you start off on your hike, your picnic, your day in the Country.

You can do nothing better than to make dates that include Jesus and Mary. There is no better company! Nothing could make your date happier!

“We must be content at certain times to do anything that is innocent and lawful; and console ourselves with the reflection that all lawful works are works of grace in him who is in the state of grace.” -My Prayer Book, Fr. Lasance

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The Parked Car, Drinking, Indecent Entertainment ~ Fr. Lovasik

31 Wednesday Aug 2022

Posted by in Clean Love in Courtship - Fr. Lovasik, Singles, Youth/Courtship

≈ 4 Comments

If young ladies and men are willing to read this information, they will be enlightened and will have no excuses if they make dumb and dangerous mistakes along the path of courtship.

From the excellent little book Clean Love in Courtship by Father Lovasik

The Parked Car

Enemy number one to the chastity of young people is the parked car. With the cloak of darkness and seclusion thrown around them, young couples parked along country roads are deliberately subjecting their virtue to a great and violent strain.

Parked automobiles, scenes of passionate kissing, petting and necking, are truly graveyards in which are buried the innocence and purity of thousands upon thousands of young men and young women. Here so-called love turns out to be lust, the most selfish sin, which seeks impure self-satisfaction at the expense of another’s virtue.

If you are a decent girl, do not drag down a young man into the mire of impurity by consenting to have him park his car, thus giving him a favorable occasion for sin. Even under favorable conditions every young man has to struggle to keep pure.

God said, “He who loves the danger will perish in it.” Therefore avoid the parked automobile as you would a pest house, reeking with germs of fatal maladies.

At the end of the evening’s entertainment, do not let your friend accompany you into your home, but bid good night when you arrive there. This will be a protection for you both. To do otherwise at that time of night, when the other members of the family have retired, is to subject each other to substantially the same danger as that presented by the parked car. Many a pure courtship has been ruined through the failure to heed this caution.

Drinking

It is not a sin to drink, but it is always a sin to drink too much. If through excessive drinking you lose the use of reason, you commit a mortal sin and thereby descend to a level lower than that of the brute beast.

Even if drinking does not end in drunkenness, its effects on company-keeping are disastrous. Drink adds fuel to concupiscence and increases the force of temptation to impurity; it weakens the powers of the mind and lowers the resistance of the will, thereby leaving one open to sin.

Drink has always been one of the shortest roads to moral corruption and is the greatest contributing factor to the alarming increase of crime. Facts show that liquor figures in seven out of every ten crimes.

Drinking outside the home is usually the beginning of the drinking habit and other bad habits, especially impurity.

Many a young man and young woman who normally would not think of lust have ruined their courtship and destroyed their love through drinking. Do not fall a prey to this habit just to be sociable.

To say that a party without drink lacks good fellow-ship and sociability is stupid and betrays a low mental status. Among young and intelligent people drink should be in no sense necessary for a good time.

If you really prize your virtue and demand self-respect, do not drink at all. The achievement of true and clean happiness is worth the little act of self-denial involved in abstinence from alcoholic drink.

The fact that about three-fourths of broken homes are the consequence of drinking should be an argument strong enough to make you give up associating with anyone who, having a special liking for alcoholic drink, does not know how to control himself.

Indecent Entertainment

Another danger in company-keeping arises from frequenting burlesque theaters, night clubs, road houses, and taverns where salacious floor shows, off color jokes, and expensive drinks are the chief menu.

In these places semi-nude females perform lascivious dances and fill young minds with obscene jokes, plying them with drinks and turning them into sex-crazed maniacs. These are the agencies which poison innocent minds and prevent their normal development into wholesome manhood and womanhood, sending them out as criminals to prey upon society.

In our day perhaps the deadliest misinformant about the ways of true living is the motion picture show. Sometimes the scenes are so vivid that for all practical purposes young people might just as well be acting in the presence of men and women who are disregarding God’s holy laws.

Such indecent attractions offered by the screen lower ideals and distort the standards of young Catholic men and women. It has become all too common for those born and reared in the faith to forget the lessons they have learned: that their thoughts, desires, and acts must be chaste; that all near occasions to sin must be avoided; that the most priceless thing in the soul of a girl is her purity, and the noblest virtue in the young man is preservation of his moral integrity.

Many a boy and girl can testify that he or she was guilty of the first grave lapse from chastity after having witnessed scenes of love-making and lustful seduction created by much publicized movie stars.

Start a fire, inhale the flames of lust, and your soul will die. Let the Legion of Decency be your guide in regard to the choice of pictures. Refrain from seeking pictures that are even partly objectionable.

“A young woman who prevails on her fiancé to approach the Sacraments with her at regular intervals builds up a strong bulwark against improper advances and obtains the best guarantee for a happy future.True love gives strength of character and assists in the acquisition of self-control. It never takes advantage of another for the sake of personal gratification. Good and pure-minded women inspire respect and make the task of a young man easy, for he will have no difficulty in keeping the right distance.” – Fr. Lovasik, Clean Love in Courtship https://amzn.to/2x6KEkx (afflink)

“There is a dream of St John Bosco that is not well known but is about the virtue of purity. How can we protect ourselves from sins against purity?” This is an excellent sermon…worth the 15 minutes it takes to listen to it!

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This is a must-read for Catholic youth. The do’s and don’t s of dating, how to keep pure, what is a sin and what is just a temptation, the qualities to look for in a good spouse, etc. It is small, but power-packed, straightforward and balanced! http://amzn.to/2niVm2T (afflink)

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Immodest Conversation/Dangerous Reading

17 Tuesday May 2022

Posted by in Clean Love in Courtship - Fr. Lovasik, FF Tidbits, Youth

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Very good reading for all. Sometimes the temptations get confused with sin. Fr. Lovasik lays it out pretty clear so you know where the line is drawn…

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From Clean Love in Courtship, Fr. Lawrence G. Lovasik

Immodest Conversation and Speaking

MORTAL SIN

 Immodest conversation with the intention of exciting the hearers to lust. Course language which would scandalize and excite the young and innocent.

VENIAL SIN:

 Immodest conversation which is merely suggestive or slightly objectionable.

No SIN:

 Serious conversation about sexual topics is permissible when there is a sufficient reason for it and proper precautions are taken.

Listening

MORTAL SIN:

To listen to obscene conversation for the sake of the sensual pleasure that it excites.

VENIAL SIN:

 To listen out of curiosity or to laugh at obscene jokes from human respect. Many people who tell stories with sexy content are not bothered by them, but they have to assume some responsibility for their listeners.

Things like this can easily give scandal, especially in a mature mixed group, and above all when adolescents are present. The mere fun of telling a story is never a sufficient reason for the uncertain danger of temptation which is practically always present.

A smutty story displays your lack of a sense of decency and the state of your soul. It proclaims the meagerness of your sources of entertainment, the coarseness of your ideas of humor, the inadequacy of your means of expression.

It soils the imagination of your hearers, hanging vulgar pictures in the inner chambers of their minds. A dirty story disgusts people of finer sensibilities who care for the clean, wholesome things of life, but hate dirt.

It dishonors your parents, your friends, your God and yourself! Off-color and suggestive stories and jokes may be serious occasions of sin in company-keeping.

They easily arouse passions and lead the way to sin. Make it a point of honor that you will never soil your date with a single dirty story. Say nothing that you would not want your mother to hear.

God sees and hears you. Never take willful pleasure listening to a dirty story. If you are not in a position to silence the Story-teller or change the trend of conversation, or leave, at least refrain from encouraging him by your interest or expression of pleasure and approval.

Let him see from your attitude that you are not interested. Avoid the company of those who tell filthy jokes or stories. If your friend belongs to this class, you have made a very poor choice.

Dangerous Reading

MORTAL SIN:

 The reading of a very obscene book without sufficient reason. The reading of slightly objectionable books with an evil intention.

VENIAL SIN:

 The reading of slightly objectionable books out of mere curiosity and without evil intentions, e.g., a novel with too passionate love.

No SIN:

 Those who have a serious reason for reading (doctors, nurses, spiritual directors, teachers, young people about to be married who need instruction) do not sin, even though they should be strongly excited, provided that they control their wills. The greater the danger to the virtue of chastity, the greater must be the justifying reason for reading dangerous books.

Even mere entertainment justifies one in ignoring occasional slight motions of passion caused by a few suggestive pictures or  passages in books or magazines that are otherwise decent.

But mere entertainment is not usually a complete justification for reading things that one finds strongly stimulating, even in an otherwise decent book or magazine.

One of the great enemies to the moral cleanliness of youth is the avalanche of filth being poured upon them today by smutty magazines, lewd pictures and newspapers which relate the details of sexual crimes and divorce scandals.

Such literature poisons the minds, befouls the imaginations and sullies the hearts of youth. The publishers of these filthy, sex inciting magazines are the arch criminals of our day, the criminals who turn out others by the hundreds.

Make it a point of honor never to read any literature which you know to be in any way objectionable. Refrain from reading cheap books and magazines that will scarcely be an inspiration to you.

Read and promote Catholic books, magazines and pamphlets in order to become a better Catholic and help the cause of truth and virtue. You cannot appreciate anything you know little about.

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“Let us ask God every day and in every prayer we ever say to make us love Him. Let us offer every good act we do that He may give us this, the greatest of all graces, His blessed love. In our morning prayers and evening prayers, in our Rosary, at Mass, in our Communions, let it be our first, our most earnest petition, that we may love God. Let us never say any prayer in which this is not our outstanding wish and intention.” – Rev. Fr. Paul O’Sullivan. An Easy Way To Become A Saint, 1943
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This is a must-read for Catholic youth. The do’s and don’t s of dating, how to keep pure, what is a sin and what is just a temptation, the qualities to look for in a good spouse, etc. It is small, but power-packed, straightforward and balanced! http://amzn.to/2niVm2T (afflink)
Sermon for today. “What are the dangers of dating? What is the purpose of marriage? What does the Church teach is OK to & not OK to do with members of the opposite gender?”

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To the modern mind, the concept of poverty is often confused with destitution. But destitution emphatically is not the Gospel ideal. A love-filled sharing frugality is the message, and Happy Are You Poor explains the meaning of this beatitude lived and taught by Jesus himself. But isn’t simplicity in lifestyle meant only for nuns and priests? Are not all of us to enjoy the goodness and beauties of our magnificent creation? Are parents to be frugal with the children they love so much?

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Romantic Love…A Subtle Thing

02 Monday May 2022

Posted by in Cana is Forever, Marriage, Youth, Youth/Courtship

≈ 2 Comments

An excellent article reminding those who are contemplating marriage on what to look for and those who are already married on what they can do to rekindle love.

From Cana is Forever by Rev. Charles Hugo Doyle

Romantic love is such a subtle thing that human intelligence must be assisted by divine grace to be able to discern the true from the false. Few realize that true love is, as defined by Webster, “a desire for and earnest effort to promote the welfare of another,” and not simply another name for external manifestations of affection and sex satisfaction.

Nuptial love that is built on passion alone is doomed to failure. Almost all passions are temporary by nature. We know from experience that the passion of anger, for instance, is rarely able to be sustained at a high pitch. Once we “get even” with our enemy, the force of the rage is spent.

The same is true of love as a passion, for from this point of view the chief pleasure is in anticipation and once its object is attained it may wane and even pall. Marriage must be built on a much firmer basis.

A happy marriage depends on one’s early education in what real love is and what it is not, and what its end and object are. A happy marriage depends too on one’s capacity during courtship to discern true love from mere infatuation. Love whets the appetite; infatuation leaves hunger still.

“Love hath its seat

In reason and is judicious,”

says Milton, while infatuation directs action without reason and precludes judgment.

Love is a learned quality; infatuation is a play of humor in the blood. Infatuation can even be a one-sided affair, but not so, love, for as the Italian proverb says, “To love and not be loved is time lost.” One strives in vain to light a cigarette from a dead coal.

A doctor of medicine, a close friend of mine, and I were discussing a young man, a problem child, in whose case we had both become concerned. I ventured to suggest that what really ailed the boy was that “he had a touch of love.”

“You ought to know better than that,” said the doctor. “Love is like diabetes. There is no such thing as a touch of it. You have it or you don’t have it.”

Granted that one knows when he or she is in love, is there no infallible way of telling the genuine from the unreasonable facsimile? I’m afraid not, but I hasten to say that you can be morally certain your love is true and genuine if you find gentleness, beauty, refinement, generosity and intelligence and a reciprocal love made up of all these qualities and one that outdistances your love, day by day, month by month.

What? No sex? Yes, indeed, but when two persons are really in love and that love is genuine, the sex feelings are so controlled that, without realizing it, they find great pleasure merely in being in one another’s company.

Newell W. Edson of the American Social Hygiene Association, in a pamphlet entitled “Love in the Making,” has listed the following signs as indicative of true love:

  1. A genuine interest in the other person and all that he or she says or does.
  2. A community of tastes, ideals, and standards with no serious clashes.
  3. A greater happiness in being with this one person than with any other.
  4. A real unhappiness when the other person is absent.
  5. A great feeling of comradeship.
  6. A willingness to give and take.
  7. A disposition to give fair consideration to the other party’s judgment.
  8. A pride in the other person when comparisons are made.
  9. A wealth of things to say and do together.

Mr. Edson neglected to mention something that I consider a most indicative sign of love, and that is a willingness to sacrifice oneself for another–to sacrifice something prized by the giver.

Sacrifice stimulates love while expressing it. It was Antoine deSaint-Exupery, I think, who said: “The mother gives nourishment from her own body for her child. By her giving she creates her love. To create love we must begin by sacrifice. Afterwards it is love that makes the sacrifices. But it is we who must take the first step.”

Emerson sums up the whole problem in his own inimitable way as follows: “All that is in the world, which is or ought to be known, is cunningly wrought into the texture of man and woman:

The person love does to us fit

Like Manna, has the taste of all in it.”

Upon parents, teachers, and clergy alike falls the grave obligation of forewarning and forearming teen-age youths against the folly of permitting themselves to “go steady” during high-school years.

Youth must be taught the dangers of this procedure well in advance of its actuality, for once the love-bug gets them they become blind to reason and deaf to admonition. Teen-agers must be shown that the wisdom of nature must be respected and that ventures into love demand maturity–physical, intellectual, and emotional maturity.

The bird does not leave the nest until its wings are grown strong enough to carry it. The chrysalis does not tear open until there are wings to take the tiny insect aloft. Teenagers likewise ought to wait until they are of proper age before going steady or being allowed to do so.

My experience with adolescents has been that under ordinary circumstances, they react favorably to logic. For instance, few teenagers would let themselves fall in love during their highschool years if they knew that more than sixty-nine per cent of those who were madly in love during that period of their lives did not marry the object of this youthful affection at or after the age of twenty-one. This proves simply that a person at twenty-one has a different sense of values than at, say, sixteen or seventeen.

No, youth would fail to condemn the folly of a sixteen-year-old lad who had set his heart on a red convertible coupe and had gone so far as to have a car salesman give him several road demonstrations, but who at the same time had no money to buy a car, no money for its upkeep, no place to keep a car, and, lastly, couldn’t drive a car.

Now, applying the same reasoning to steady company-keeping by minors, it is easy to point out the utter folly of permitting themselves to fall in love until they are old enough to distinguish real love from mere infatuation; until they are mature enough to assume the complex and responsible duty of parenthood; and until they have the income sufficient to establish and maintain a home.

Teenagers should ponder the wisdom of the words of Owen Felltham, who warns that “love is never lasting which flames before it burns.”

A person may not vote until his twenty-first birthday has been reached. Now, this legislation was enacted simply because the politicians felt that anyone younger lacked mature judgment.

Anyone who is too immature to vote is too immature to choose a life partner. There are physical reasons also involved in such a decision. The Germans, according to Julius Caesar, ruled that the act of reproduction in marriage was not permitted to anyone under twenty-one without incurring infamy: and to this he attributed the great strength and fine stature of that simple people.

But is it possible to keep from falling in love? It is, if kissing and petting are not indulged in, no endearing terms expressed through little intimacies, no gifts exchanged, and no confession of love made. It’s just as simple as all that.

Ovid, a writer in ancient times, said “Love gives place to business. Attend to business and you will be safe.”

It is a wise thing to have a few, good, well-founded principles to guide you when about to choose a mate. One of those principles should be that beauty of face and figure will not be the sole motivating factor in your choice.

Remember that “you can never tell the depth of the well by the length of the handle on the pump.”

A ready smile, a bright mind, a pleasing personality, a courteous manner are all more important than a pretty face. All the flaunted beauty of certain screen actresses and actors has not served so well in keeping them happily married.

To those who are intellectually, physically, vocationally, and emotionally mature enough to fall in love, we say emphatically that enduring love is ever built on virtue which cannot be seen in the other person at once.

Long acquaintanceship–one to five years–has better prospects than “love at first sight.”

Above all, we remind them that many more qualities than the severely practical go into the composition of married life and home building. Abstract traits are beautiful and indispensable, but:

“Will the love that you are rich in

Build a fire in the kitchen

Or the little god of Love turn the spit, spit, spit?“

Flour is the chief and most quantitative ingredient in a good cake, but flour alone won’t make a cake. You also need baking powder, salt, sugar, shortening, eggs and milk, a lot of sifting and mixing, a smooth batter, and just the right amount of heat.

Love is the chief ingredient requisite for a happy marriage but not the only one. A good many other things go into the making of a happy marriage, especially in these modern times with changing attitudes. Speaking of recipes, here is an old grandmother’s recipe that has a lot of wisdom in it:

“When once you have made your selection, let it remain forever settled and give your entire thoughts to preparation for domestic use. Some wives keep their husbands in pickle, others in hot water.

Even poor varieties may be made sweet, tender and good by garnishing with patience, well sweetened with smiles and flavored with kisses. Wrap in a mantle of charity, keep warm with a steady fire of domestic devotion. Serve often with peaches and cream. When thus prepared, husbands will keep for years.”

But getting back to our main topic–love–most readers will agree wholeheartedly with what we have stated thus far. There will be perfect agreement with the tenet that a person ought to know what real love is and be so well grounded in the knowledge that the true can be easily detected from the false.

Sound advice, all this is, for those who have not yet entered holy wedlock, but what about those already married who find the fires of love reduced to but smoldering embers, if not, as some protest, gone out completely?

To such persons we say that were it not within the power of man to “will to love,” there would be no solution to such a problem and most marriages would rarely remain happy for more than a few years at best. That it is not impossible to foster love for one’s husband or wife is being proven daily by thousands of thoughtful men and women who, while disillusioned as to the fitness of their match, nevertheless have forced themselves to look for the good and noble in each other, with the amazing result that a new understanding and respect has grown up between them.

No matter who it is, there is some loveliness in everyone that lurks undiscovered, and patient, kindly exploration will render it easily discernible and upon this a new comradeship can be born and fostered.

Always remember that the great bridge that now spans Niagara Falls first began with the spreading from side to side of a tiny wire. The wire was used to haul across a rope and at the end of the rope was a heavy cable, and so on until a bridge was begun that today supports the traffic of trains, cars, and honeymooners.

The point is that someone had to will that a bridge be built across Niagara Falls and from that will flowed the determination that provided the means for overcoming what appeared at first to be insurmountable obstacles.

The same holds true in marriage, and while one or both parties may not experience all the rapturous moments of happiness that they might have had had they chosen their life partner more wisely, consider that few marriages are a tale of uninterrupted bliss.

That everyone has within him the power “to will to love” is proved by the fact that in certain countries, in the past, there was no free choices of mates, and yet such a deep sense of the duty of loving was taught in the home–and not only a great and high sense of duty but the grandeur of loving–that the husband and wife usually managed to make a good job of mutually respecting one another.

So successful was this sort of thing that some wag–Lyttleton or Shaftesbury, I think–said: “Marriages would be happier if they were all arranged by the Lord Chancellor.”

The person who says, “I do not love my wife or my husband any more,” acknowledges simply that “the will to love” is absent. Such a person lacks good sportsmanship too, for a good sport will take pride in succeeding in every adventure, and marriage is one of life’s chief adventures.

Morton puts it this way: “In love, as in religion, faith worketh miracles.”

Whatever you do, give love time. “Love,” says Blucher, “is the river of life in this world. Think not that ye know it who stand at the little tinkling rill, the first small fountain. Not until you have gone through the rocky gorges and not lost the stream; not until you have gone through the meadow and the stream has widened and deepened until fleets could ride on its bosom; not until beyond the meadow you have come to the unfathomable ocean, and poured your treasures into its depths–not until then can you know what love is!”

And the measure of love? Mrs. Browning gave the world a wondrous formula:

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.

I love thee to the depth and breadth and height

My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight

For the ends of Being and Ideal Grace.

I love thee to the level of everyday’s

Most quiet need, by sun and candlelight.

I love thee freely, as men strive for Right;

I love thee purely, as they turn from Praise.

I love thee with the passion put to use,

In my old griefs, and with my childhood’s faith;

I love thee with a love I seemed to lose

With my lost saints,–I love thee with the breath,

Smiles, tears, of all my life!–and, if God choose,

I shall but love thee better after death.

There is every reason to believe that all the ancient Jewish customs were observed at the marriage in Cana. If that be true, Our

Blessed Lord and His Virgin Mother witnessed a most significant reminder of the fragility of love.

According to custom, from time to time during Jewish wedding feasts, someone would put somewhat of a check on the joyous festivities by shattering the wine glasses of the happy pair. The idea was to remind the bride and the groom that all felicity is subject to instability, and that love, like a glass once dashed to the ground, could be shattered into a thousand pieces–and were repair possible, the cracks would always show.

In this, as in so many other ways, the lessons of Cana are tremendous and Cana Is Forever.

“Your most powerful ally in your noble struggle for decency is your religion. It takes you by the hand, guiding you over the pitfalls that beset your way, and puts your feet safely upon the paths that lead to the sunlit mountain peaks of nobility of character and purity. Not only does it make clear the moral law and supply sanctions for its observance, but it offers you aids to carry out that law.” -Clean Love in Courtship, Fr. Lovasik https://amzn.to/2rk4yFl (afflink)

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“Don’ts” on Dates/Teenage Dating – Fr. Lovasik

15 Tuesday Mar 2022

Posted by in Clean Love in Courtship - Fr. Lovasik, Virtues, Youth

≈ 4 Comments

One living in this modern age may think this list is antiquated. I ask you, has human nature changed? Are the Ten Commandments still applicable? Are people still born with Original Sin?

No, sin and virtue are not antiquated, they are just as real as they were 100, 500, 2000 years ago.

Father Lovasik puts before us some specific guidelines on how to have a chaste courtship. How important this is! It lays the foundation to a healthy and wholesome marriage. And if the courtship ends because one or the other sees too many obstacles, there will be no regrets…

Just a note…

We don’t play the dating game. We avoid many pitfalls this way and it has worked out beautifully for seven couples! You can see this post, Chaperones, Again?, if you would like to know more.

That being said, this may not always be possible. So this list is excellent for all!

“Don’ts” on Dates

From Clean Love in Courtship by Fr. Lovasik

Though the following suggestions are directed mainly to girls, they are equally applicable to boys, inasmuch as boys will know what is expected of a decent girl and will cooperate with her in preserving her virtue.

I. Don’t forget that the chastity of your soul and your good name are your most precious possessions; protect them by mutual self-respect. Therefore, always keep your courtship on a high plane and follow a “hands-off” policy and by your manner give men to understand that your loveliness is not to be marred by unruly passion and sin.

II. Don’t permit expressions of love or friendship for another to be prolonged to the point of  danger of lust because all sexual pleasure outside marriage, that is directly willed, intentionally procured or accepted is a mortal sin. A selfish indulgence of your own passions regardless of the welfare of the one you “pretend” to love is not really love, but lust.

III. Don’t ever permit passionate kissing to mar your date, for true love is dominated by mutual respect for each other’s character, not by mere emotion, passion and lust.

IV. Don’t be so soft as to pay for an evening’s entertainment with cheap kisses, “necking” and” petting,” because a man who is not strong in chastity will probably take all you will give.

A decent man, even though he may be weak, does not respect that kind of girl. Don’t give a casual friend the caresses that belong only to the good Catholic man you will some day meet, who will be your husband and the father of your children.

V. Don’t be so imprudent and reckless as to date this one and that one without knowing anything about them beforehand. Avoid being alone with strangers.

VI. Don’t consent to keep company in a parked car, for darkness and seclusion are favorable conditions for sin.

VII. Don’t allow your escort to enter your home late at night after a date; this would subject both to danger and suspicion.

VIII. Don’t fall into the bad habit of permitting long “good nights” and “passionate goodnight kisses.” These have brought about the death of many a friendship and killed many a soul.

IX. Don’t encourage a young man to visit your home too frequently, or to protract his visits far into the night or early morning, to the discomfiture of your family and the detriment of your own and your health, virtue, and reputation.

Turning night into day three or four times a week in courtship is not a good recipe for the preservation of health or the increase of corporal fitness; this is particularly true if the long visits are accompanied with an emotional strain.

X. Don’t seek out or continue companionship with others whom you know to be inclined to evil jests and words. Never let your date be marred by a single filthy story, but show your displeasure at once.

XI. Don’t take part in dances that may be a source of temptation to yourself or others. In dancing, don’t hold your partner too tightly, lest you become an occasion or a cause of sin.

XII. Don’t go to see movies rejected by the Legion of Decency; even those that are partly objectionable should be avoided. (I wonder what the Legion of Decency would say to most movies young Catholics watch nowadays! -My note)

XIII. Don’t frequent taverns or roadhouses of questionable character; this is a disgrace to womanhood.

XIV. Don’t drink intoxicating liquor; it prepares the way for immorality by arousing the passions, blurring the mind, and weakening the will.

XV. Don’t dress unwisely so as to invite lustful interest, but becomingly, so as to accentuate your best gifts.

XVI. Don’t smoke, not because it is morally wrong, but because it cheapens your personality and detracts from your womanly charm.

XVII. Don’t hold to the opinion that the only enjoyable date is an expensive date. Real fun is found not on dates where a lot of things are done for you, but on dates where you are doing things together. Get interested in foursome or six some dates; they cut the need for adolescent lovemaking to a minimum.

XVIII. Don’t fail to avoid dangerous occupations in courtship, or permit yourselves to be too much alone. Rather, take part in healthy worth-while hobbies and pastimes which you find mutually delightful and in which you can indulge without loss of mutual esteem or virtue.

Enjoy good music; read and discuss worth-while literature; attend respectable dances and social pastimes, preferably such as are given under Catholic auspices and with proper supervision; frequent unobjectionable shows on the stage or on the screen; go on hikes with other young people and take an active interest in various wholesome sports.

XIX. Don’t be so snobbish as to think that the social activities of your parish church are not good enough for you. You should feel privileged and honored to contribute to others’ success by your presence and cooperation.

XX. Don’t get involved in a friendship that may result in a mixed marriage, for married life is difficult enough without having a difference of religion and moral outlook as a cause for further trouble, such as the question of divorce, birth control, Catholic education.

XXI. Don’t disregard the voice of your conscience upon returning from a date. If that voice is joyous and peaceful, your company-keeping is good and clean.

If it is sad, remorseful, accusing, something is wrong in your company-keeping, something that must be corrected at once or else the company-keeping must cease. The state of your conscience is a decisive test.

XXII. Don’t get serious about a boy who is not willing to prove himself by avoiding sin, especially impurity and drunkenness, frequenting the sacraments at least each month, and spending a reasonable amount of time in prayer daily.

Never think of marrying someone who will not be able to make you better for living with him, for the foundation of a happy marriage is a holy love which will enable you to aid each other to practice virtue and fulfill your duties.

XXIII. Don’t neglect to use the means of grace God has given you to keep pure. The best protection against falling a prey to one’s passions is regular Confession and frequent Holy Communion (preferably each week, or even daily), because these sacraments give you special actual graces to help you practice virtue and avoid sin.

Other aids are daily Holy Mass, the cultivation of will power through little acts of self-denial, the avoidance of dangerous occasions of sin, the counsel of one’s regular confessor, the reading of good books, the companionship of virtuous friends, the daily Rosary and frequent recourse to God and Our Lady in prayer.

Teen-age Dating

Dear Teenager:

Company-keeping prepares you for marriage. Every date has an influence upon your future. You sometimes need forcible reminders lest wild desire for fun bring tragedy. Right or wrong companions can make or break your life.

You should know exactly what is morally right and wrong on dates; this you will learn from the contents of this booklet. Though girls or boys don’t rush madly out to sins of impurity, all too often they are tricked into what they were not properly warned against.

Now God gave you a fourth commandment: “Thou shalt honor thy father and thy mother.” Your conscience tells you to obey your parents as God’s representatives. They are responsible for you.

They are right in fearing moral dangers from “solo” dates and friendships with doubtful characters. They also have a right and duty to make rules regulating your dates, because they really want to protect your fun and your future.

The best thing to do is sit down with your mother or father and talk things over. They are your best friends. Let them decide what is right or wrong.

Obey the rules they make concerning your life, and dating in particular. Keep in Mind the Following Simple Suggestions:

I. You must have permission for dates. Permission can be given on a general basis (every Friday night you may attend school games and parties); or on a date-by-date basis (you may go to the basketball dance next Saturday).

Your mother and father need not know each detail of dates, but they should have the general picture.

II. Always ask permission if you intend to be away all night; this should be only with families your parents know and trust.

III. Your parents have a right and duty to make some rules about cars and about the beginning and end of dates. The boy should call for the girl at her home, come in and meet the folks, bring her home and say good-bye (not at great length) at the door.

Prolonged farewells in cars easily become dangerous. It is sometimes best to keep your dates on a group basis, that is, house parties, dances, skating parties. Group dates can be frequent in high school; “solo” dates should be spaced out.

Too much dating can very soon breed violent infatuation. And familiarity breeds a lot more than contempt; it leads you into sin.

Silly “going steady” (exclusively with one boy or girl) has ruined many a promising youngster and even many a possible good marriage.

IV. Build up ideals in your mind. Obey rules because you are convinced they are sensible; this is far  better than blind or reluctant obedience. Obey and respect your parents because they have your welfare at heart and wish to please God and protect your future.

V. Your best assurance of a pure and happy youth is a close and tender friendship with Jesus and Mary. Such a friendship is fostered by at least monthly Confession, frequent Holy Communion(weekly, or even daily), regular prayer, especially the daily Rosary.

Undoubtedly youth is a most beautiful thing of itself. But, if you have in this tender flower, the shining whiteness of Christian purity, then you have human beauty displayed as something noble and exalted, attracting the admiration and imitation of those who see it.                     – Pope Pius XII

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This book consists of fifteen discourses (four on Sins of the Tongue, three on Envy and Jealousy, two on Rash Judgments, two on Christian Patience, and four on Grace) that were originally talks given to laywomen of his diocese in the late 19th century. At the beginning the good Archbishop says… I propose, my children, to give you some instructions on the tongue, and the faults which it causes us to commit. I shall commence today by speaking of the power and beauty of that organ, of the noble use which ought to be made of it, and of the many advantages we may derive from it… There is precious little teaching on the topics covered in these instructions which is accessible to the average man and woman of today.

If you want to make progress in the spiritual life, you can’t afford to miss the bracing insights in this handbook for souls who yearn to be kinder. They’ll give you years of solid help in overcoming sin so that you’ll live more fully with others and truly transform your corner of the world!

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