Regularly speaking kind and loving words brings the spirit of peace into your home. How do you talk to your husband in normal, everyday communication? Is your speech marked by soft, loving words?
What would your husband say if he were asked, “Does your wife communicate with you in a kind manner?”
Choosing to communicate with kindness and love in marriage is a spiritual discipline. We’re so wired to respond “in the same manner” that whenever a perceived provocation of any degree is felt, we react on autopilot. When challenging moments happen, you need to be ready, having prepared yourself with the truth that you are not the victim of your fleshly impulses.
You have the power to respond, in any situation, with a soft answer.
But what about all those other moments that fill the normal days of marriage? Are you speaking lovingly then? Consider these examples: “Hey, take out the trash,” versus, “Hey, babe, I’d love it if you could take out the trash . . . I sure appreciate you!”
“The doctor’s bill came. You need to pay it,” versus, “Is this a good time to talk about some bills that have come in?”
“On your way home, pick up some milk and eggs,” versus, “Hey, love, would you mind picking up some milk and eggs on the way home?”
When mundane things are referenced with kindness and love you are actually adding a layer of respect to your conversation.
You may have different discussions in your home, but the principle is the same. When you speak – even in the small, seemingly insignificant matters that make up the day – do so in a thoughtful manner.
Peace follows a soft approach. After all, it’s difficult to have strife with a person who is speaking to you in a gentle tone.
Purpose to be a woman who speaks kindly toward your husband. “And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you.” (Ephesians 4:32)
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Dear Blessed Mother,
You were the epitome of kindness, graciousness and gentleness when you sojourned on this earth. Please pray for me that I may become more like you each day…especially in my home with my husband. May I show him kindness in the words I speak and in the manner I speak them. And when I fall may I have the humility to admit it and get right back up again. In Jesus’ name, I pray. Amen.
If you would have children just and kind, well-mannered and truthful, be all these things yourself first. These virtues practiced by the parents, and insisted upon kindly and firmly from the children, are what go to make up that which truly deserves to be called “a good home.” – Fr. Lovasik, Painting by Dona Gelsinger
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Women historically have been denigrated as lower than men or viewed as privileged. Dr. Alice von Hildebrand characterizes the difference between such views as based on whether man’s vision is secularistic or steeped in the supernatural. She shows that feminism’s attempts to gain equality with men by imitation of men is unnatural, foolish, destructive, and self-defeating. The Blessed Mother’s role in the Incarnation points to the true privilege of being a woman. Both virginity and maternity meet in Mary who exhibits the feminine gifts of purity, receptivity to God’s word, and life-giving nurturance at their highest.
You’ll learn how to grow in wisdom and in love as you encounter the unglamorous, everyday problems that threaten all marriages. As the author says: If someone were to give me many short bits of wool, most likely I would throw them away. A carpet weaver thinks differently. He knows the marvels we can achieve by using small things artfully and lovingly. Like the carpet weaver, the good wife must be an artist of love. She must remember her mission and never waste the little deeds that fill her day the precious bits of wool she s been given to weave the majestic tapestry of married love.
This remarkable book will show you how to start weaving love into the tapestry of your marriage today, as it leads you more deeply into the joys of love.
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What do you think makes a beautiful and happy home? How important is this?
Having a happy home is crucial to the spreading of our faith. To whom do we want to spread our faith? First of all, to our children. They need to see the deep and lasting beauty of our faith shining forth in our everyday lives, making our home beautiful and happy. Our faith should be the undercurrent in the everyday bubbling brook, that flows into every facet of our lives.
This happiness does not have to be unrealistic. Life is what it is and there are many days where the smiles don’t come as easy and nerves are rawer because of whatever is upsetting the apple cart at the time. These are opportunities too.
Father Curtis, over this past weekend, said that if our kids see ONLY that life is perfect at home, if they grow up wearing rose-colored glasses all the time, they are going to get quite a jolt when they enter into their own vocation and it is less than perfect…and it will be. So it is good that the kids see reality, too.
That being said, we need to create a home that is joyful and lovely, in amongst the “real”-ness.
J.R. Miller gives us a lovely analogy of moss on an old thatch of a ruin, comparing it to the love that surrounds and covers a multitude of sins and makes an imperfect home, with imperfect souls dwelling therein, a fortress of beauty and happiness.
SECRETS OF HAPPY HOME LIFE – J.R. Miller
Few things we can do in this world are so well worth doing as the making of a beautiful and happy home. He who does this builds a sanctuary for God and opens a fountain of blessing for men.
Far more than we know do the strength and beauty of our lives depend upon the home in which we dwell. He who goes forth in the morning from a happy, loving, prayerful home, into the world’s strife, temptation, struggle, and duty, is strong — inspired for noble and victorious living.
The children who are brought up in a true home go out trained and equipped for life’s battles and tasks, carrying in their hearts a secret of strength which will make them brave and loyal to God, and will keep them pure in the world’s sorest temptations.
We may all do loving service, therefore, by helping to make one of the world’s homes — the one in which we dwell — brighter and happier. No matter how plain it may be, nor how old-fashioned, if love be in it, if prayer connect it with heaven, if Christ’s benediction be upon it, it will be a transfigured spot. Poverty is no cross if the home be full of bright cheer. Hardest toil is light if love sings its songs amid the clatter.
“Dear Moss,” said the thatch on an old ruin, ” I am so worn, so patched, so ragged, really I am quite unsightly. I wish you would come and cheer me up a little. You will hide all my infirmities and defects; and, through your loving sympathy, no finger of contempt or dislike will be pointed at me.”
“I come,” said the moss; and it crept up and around, and in and out, till every flaw was hidden, and all was smooth and fair. Presently the sun shone out, and the old thatch looked bright and fair, a picture of rare beauty, in the golden rays.
“How beautiful the thatch looks!” cried one who saw it. “How beautiful the thatch looks! “said another. “Ah!” said the old thatch, “rather let them say, ‘ how beautiful is the loving moss!’ For it spends itself in covering up all my faults, keeping the knowledge of them all to herself, and, by her own grace, making my age and poverty wear the garb of youth and luxuriance.”
So it is that love covers the plainness and the ruggedness of the lowliest home. It hides its dreariness and its faults. It softens its roughness. It changes its pain into profit, and its loss into gain.
Let us live more for our homes. Let us love one another more. Let us cease to complain, criticize, and contradict each other. Let us be more patient with each other’s faults. Let us not keep back the warm, loving words that lie in our hearts, until it is too late for them to give comfort. Soon separations will come. One of every wedded pair will stand by the other’s coffin and grave. Then every bitter word spoken, and every neglect of love’s duty, will be as a thorn in the heart.
“Be merry, really merry. The life of a true Christian should be a perpetual jubilee….A prelude to the Festivals of Eternity.”
-St. Theophane Venard
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Father Francis Finn SJ was an early 20th-century Jesuit priest who wrote delightful children’s stories about life in Jesuit boarding schools. Taken from his years of experience teaching Catholic boys, Father Finn writes about various human personalities with warmth and humor that makes for enjoyable reading for all types.
This delightful story centers on 10-year-old Tom Playfair who is quite a handful for his well-meaning but soft-hearted aunt. Mr. Playfair, his widowed father, decides to ship his son off to St. Maure’s boarding school–an all-boys academy run by Jesuits–to shape him up, as well as to help him make a good preparation for his upcoming First Communion. Tom is less than enthusiastic, but his adventures are just about to begin. Life at St. Maure’s will not be dull as the reader will soon find out…
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The story opens upon Claude Lightfoot, a reckless 12 year old boy who constantly acts first and thinks later. After being in clash with some bullies, Claude is obliged to miss his First Communion. In the course of the story, Fr. Finn manages to cover a host of topics, including smoking, drinking, the devil, Confession, Holy Communion, retaining one s Baptismal innocence, the 9 First Fridays, the priesthood, mothers and sisters, truthfulness, lying, courage, effeminacy, atheism, sacrilege, baseball, Americanism (true and false), Latin, virtue, honor, leadership, etc.
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A pleasant manner is one that appeals to others, charms them, and makes them like you. A pleasant character is one that is agreeable to others.
When a person is of a pleasant disposition, everyone is glad to have him around. Faces light up at his approach. His friendship is sought and his company is appreciated, because everyone likes to be pleased and dislikes, naturally, to be displeased.
Throughout life, you will be constantly in contact with other people. You have to deal with them, influence them, associate with them, work for them, or direct them.
Now, if you go to the trouble of cultivating all the pleasant elements in your personality, the result will be that your life will flow more smoothly, and you will be able to do your work far, far better.
Your contacts with other people will be frictionless, where an unpleasant character and disposition would continually grate on them.
Many otherwise very good people lead a miserable existence and make others miserable as well, because they do not have the virtue of pleasantness. And, unfortunately, many rascals get on in the world and make many friends because they have pleasant dispositions.
Your own interests, and the interests of others, ought to induce you to try to be pleasant always and everywhere. Your own interests should induce you, because pleasantness will be for you like oil on troubled waters, making your passage through life much easier.
For the sake of others, also, you ought to try to be pleasant, because this quality in you will spread sunshine and kind feelings everywhere, while an unpleasant and disagreeable manner will cause you to be a source of trouble and gloom, irritation and distress. Try to be pleasant always and everywhere.
There are some persons who are extremely obliging and kind and agreeable when they are out in company, but who take no trouble at all to be pleasant at home. They are, according to the old saying, home devils and social angels.
This is a kind of hypocrisy that honorable people ought to detest, because if you are not pleasant and kind at home, your kind behavior in society is only a costume that you put on for the occasion.
The same thing may be said about those who are pleasant with some groups and disagreeable with others, who are agreeable to the rich, the important, and the influential, and behave disagreeably to those who, as they think, can do them little good or cause them little harm.
What are the elements of pleasantness?
It begins in a person’s interior and requires that he be kind, solicitous for the interests of others, and sympathetic with their feelings. It demands an unselfish attitude, the willingness to oblige, and a wish to please.
This inward disposition is required to be truly pleasant, because, otherwise, outward pleasantness would be only a sort of play-acting, by which we would assume a character that is not really ours.
If you wish to be pleasant, therefore, get into the habit of judging kindly of others and thinking well of all they do, be interested in their concerns, and feel for their sorrows and their successes. This will not only tend to make your exterior pleasant, but it will make you cheerful also.
When you think of the interest of others, when you rejoice with their joys and sorrow with their sorrows, you are really getting rid of your own burdens.
Moreover, thoughts have a way of showing themselves in one’s exterior. If you are interiorly happy and charitable, kind and sympathetic, your face will naturally tend to become agreeable, cheerful, and pleasing, and your actions will reflect the interior glow of kindness.
Do not, for pity’s sake, try to force a pleasant appearance and agreeable manner, but let them glow naturally from an inward gentleness and courtesy of thought.
There are two sides to every character, the light and the dark side, and you may choose which one to look upon in others. If you seek out the defects and misdeeds of others, you can find them very easily.
We all have enough faults, but if you accustom yourself to look on the good qualities of those around you and to excuse their human imperfections, you will get to like them better.
This is the way you wish others to treat you; you want them to give you credit for all the good that is in you and to excuse all the imperfection and evil.
By following the Golden Rule, therefore, you will give yourself the great advantage of a kindly outlook on human nature. But all this inward kindness and amiability will be lost on other people unless you express it by your outward actions.
Mind readers are extremely rare (if indeed they exist at all), and so everyone is obliged to read everyone else’s mind and disposition by his looks, his actions, and his words.
Some people have faces suited for the expression of pleasant, kind thoughts. Some people’s faces are naturally solemn and expressionless. Civilized folk usually wear a somewhat neutral expression like a mask, to cover their feelings.
Spend one day in the midst of a gloomy, solemn-looking, expressionless multitude of people, and you will find yourself intensely depressed. Pass another day in the midst of a pleasant, smiling group, and see how cheerful you become in consequence.
You affect others just as they affect you. So let your face light up now and then with a smile, with a kind look, and indicate to others by your expression the inward geniality and kindness that they will so much appreciate.
Tones of voice also have a great deal to do with pleasantness. People judge by your inflections as much as by your words, and there are some people who lift up the heart of the hearer by the mere tones of their voices — cheerful, kindly, helpful tones.
Courtesy and good manners are likewise very important parts of a pleasant personality. It requires a good deal of self-discipline, observation, and effort to acquire really beautiful manners, which are not obtrusive and yet are perfect in their poise and charm.
The substance of your speech is, of course, all important when it comes to being pleasant to others. Caustic wit, sarcastic or unfeeling jests, and harsh criticism do not go with a pleasant character.
Those who allow themselves to become uncharitable in speech, who backbite others, or who repeat evil rumors may hurt themselves even more than they hurt the object of their evil speech.
They ruin the pleasantness of their own character, and even if their hearers do not believe what they say against others, they retain the impression of a caustic, sour, unpleasant personality.
Many of the elements of a pleasant personality will come up for consideration later, because pleasantness is a harmony of many strings, and to be pleasant, one has to attend to various details of action, speech, and conduct.
But it is worthy to deal seriously with oneself on this subject and to ask oneself, “In what degree do I possess the excellent and magical quality of pleasantness to others, and how may I improve and perfect such a lovely and efficacious quality of character?”
And St. Francis De Sales says: “The measure of Divine Providence acting on us is the degree of confidence that we have in it.” This is where the problem lies. Many do not believe in Providence because they’ve never experienced it, but they’ve never experienced it because they’ve never jumped into the void and taken the leap of faith. They never give it the possibility to intervene. They calculate everything, anticipate everything, they seek to resolve everything by counting on themselves, instead of counting on God. -Fr. Jacques Philippe, Searching For and Maintaining Peace http://amzn.to/2u1NCTd (afflink)
We’ve heard the term before….Domestic Monastery. I understand the sentiment and I think it is a lovely term that is loaded with possibilities within the home. Personally, my home couldn’t be mistaken for a monastery at any given time…
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This booklet contains practical advice on the subjects of dating and choosing a spouse from the Catholic theological viewpoint. Father Lovasik points out clearly what one’s moral obligations are in this area, providing an invaluable aid to youthful readers. Additionally, he demonstrates that Catholic marriage is different from secular marriage and why it is important to choose a partner who is of the Catholic Faith if one would insure his or her personal happiness in marriage. With the rampant dangers to impurity today, with the lax moral standards of a large segment of our society, with divorce at epidemic levels, Clean Love in Courtship will be a welcome source of light and guidance to Catholics serious about their faith.
Excellent book written for the youth by Rev. George Kelly… This post contains affiliate links. Thank you for your support.
Love is not content with words, but seeks to assert itself by deeds. The effect of love is an eagerness to give, to serve, and to console. If you do not wish to cease to love, you must never cease to do good.
Love in action calls for generosity and self-sacrifice. Without the element of self-sacrifice, you are pleasing only yourself. True charity makes the wants of your family your own. It makes you ready to anticipate the least of the needs or wishes of the members of your family and to render them all possible service. Sacrifices will bring joy if motivated by love.
Be glad to perform little services for each other.
Each day brings many opportunities for these unselfish actions. All the monotonous and unglamorous tasks -the duties of the day – will help you to find happiness if you perform them with unselfish love for each other, for your children, and for God.
Love will move you to ease one another’s burdens and to give help in time of need. Even the little acts of politeness and courtesy, which are an accepted part of the relationship between men and women, can do much to make your home a pleasant ant place in which to live.
Courtesy is kindness manifested in your dealings with others. Intimacy should never destroy courtesy. You cannot possibly live in constant contact with others without noticing their faults and selfishness. Your own faults, like theirs, are bound to come to the surface.
The observance of the courtesies of life – little acts of kindness and politeness – can smooth your relations with the members of your family and make them not only bearable, but, to a certain extent, pleasant.
Small signs of consideration for each other’s ideas and plans are outward signs of interest, concern, and love for each other. Saying “Please,” “Thank you,” and “If you don’t mind” will always have a pleasant effect.
In the small things of daily living, you should treat each other with the same unfailing courtesy that you observe with strangers and friends. Why should you sometimes be rude to each other just because you know that your family will understand? The closer you are to each other, the more gracious you ought to be.
Manifest your love by giving thoughtful gifts.
Love has sometimes been defined as the desire to give. Little outward gifts are but a reminder and expression of the gift of yourself and all you possess to your spouse.
Such gifts need not be expensive or elaborate, but they should be marked by unexpectedness and understanding. Unexpectedness takes your gifts from the sphere of mere custom or routine, and understanding indicates a desire to bring special joy.
Give reasonable attention to your personal appearance.
This is a sign of respect and esteem. Even in the privacy of your home, make an effort to be clean and neatly dressed. This does not mean being dressed up at all times, as if you were entertaining company.
Let your charity be wholehearted and sympathetic, for the manner of giving is worth more than the giving itself.
Kindness is the art of pleasing, of contributing as much as possible to the ease and happiness of those with whom you associate. If you make it a point in your dealings with your family always to treat them as you would like to have them treat you, you will have no occasion for any breach of courtesy. Learn to think of others first.
If you wish to achieve an ideal marriage, one of the most important obligations you both have is to develop an attitude of loving consideration. This means a constant solicitude for the well-being of each other. Since you cannot exchange jobs, be interested in each other’s work and activities, and try to understand the problems connected with them.
As a wife, you will become less inclined to talk about your own small irritations of the day if you try to understand what your husband’s job involves, what demands are made upon him in a highly competitive world, and what he hopes to accomplish.
This knowledge of what he faces each day in the outside world gives you greater incentive to make your home as clean, comfortable, and peaceful as you can.
Make him always feel welcome, wanted, and the center of everything. Most of all, try never to nag. Do not talk of failures, of the faults of his relatives, or of the mistakes of the past. There is nothing to be gained by renewed talk about annoying habits that he cannot or will not correct. You must endure them, and must not act like a martyr in doing so.
As a husband, you should have the same loving consideration for your wife. Try to understand what her job as a wife and mother involves, the demands it makes on her energy, time, and patience to keep your home in order and your children happy.
It is good for you to remember her share in the burdens of caring for the children, doing household chores, cooking meals, dealing with money worries, addressing the problems of growing children, facing sickness, and meeting the demands of modern living. She will welcome a word of encouragement, but above all she will welcome understanding.
Gentleness, respect for the feelings of others, and consideration of their circumstances are the chief qualities of a gentleman or a lady. You have no better example to follow than that of Jesus and Mary.
Keep smiling is a wonderful slogan for family life.
A smile costs nothing but creates much. It enriches those who receive without impoverishing those who give. It creates happiness in the home and fosters good will. It is rest to the weary, daylight to the discouraged, sunshine to the sad, and nature’s best antidote for trouble. Yet it cannot be bought, borrowed, or stolen, for it is something thing that is of no earthly good to anyone until it is given away.
The reward of kind deeds is very great. Kind deeds, like the love of God, have the power to make you truly holy. Love of your neighbor is but another form of the love of God.
Kindness will make you a friend of Jesus, who said, “You are my friends if you do what I command you…. This is my commandment, that you love one another.”
Kind deeds are a source of happiness in the family. Little acts of kindness and little courtesies are the things that, added up at night, constitute a happy day.
The best part of your life is spent in the little nameless acts of kindness and love you have performed in your home. Faithful, self-forgetting service – love that spends itself – is the secret of family borrowed, or stolen, for it is something thing that is of no earthly good to anyone until it is given away.
“Mothers, (as far as possible), be at home with your children. As you nourished your child before he was capable of eating solid food, so in the early formative years, nature has determined that you must nourish your child in virtue.” -Fr. Lawrence G. Lovasik. The Catholic Family Handbook
Painting by Trent Gudmundsen
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The entire collection of twelve Books of Saints St. Joseph Picture Books, packaged in a handsome and sturdy slipcase….
Treasury of Novenas contains over 40 popular Novenas specifically arranged in accord with the Liturgical Year on the Feasts of Jesus, Mary, and many favorite Saints. By acclaimed author Rev. Lawrence G. Lovasik, S.V.D., this book has a rich, gold-stamped brown Dura-Lux cover and is an excellent collection of Novenas for private devotion.
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Kind words are a great blessing. They soothe, quiet, and comfort. When a kind word proceeds from your lips, it blesses you and fills others with gladness.
If you greet your family with kind words and a cheerful disposition, even though you are at times weighed down by trials, you will put your worries to flight and lift your spirits.
As hatred breeds hatred, love creates love. There are many dispositions in people, but there is no one who will not respond to kindness and sympathy. Kind words have converted more sinners than zeal, eloquence, or learning.
Your spouse or children may sometimes betray bitterness toward you and expect unkindness. Respond with a word of kindness, and the rebellious one will be defenseless and often return the kindness. Each kind word will cost you only a moment in this world but will have an important bearing on how you will spend eternity.
Avoid Unkind Words and the Harm They Do
~ Unkind words put others down. By detraction, you make known the hidden faults of another without a good reason; by slander, you injure the good name of another by lying; and by harsh words of ridicule or contempt, you undermine the trust and confidence that should be the basis of family life.
~ Some of the worst sins in this matter are committed in the home by gossip. Children hear their parents using abusive language to condemn their neighbors, to discuss their peculiarities, and to enlarge upon their shortcomings.
It is a wicked thing to teach innocent children to become gossips. Gossip is all the more harmful when it has to do with a member of the family.
Do not listen to gossip about your spouse, much less be easily influenced by it. Gossip is often started by malicious informants who secretly hope to awaken jealousy.
Mutual trust is a great aid toward the preservation of love and harmony in the home.
~Harsh words more than harsh deeds are the termites that can undermine the foundation of a marriage. Even though words seem like little things, so quickly and briefly spoken, does not minimize the power that lies in their bitterness.
What you do is often easier to forgive than what you say. Moreover, when an angry word provokes a quarrel, each party soon has a position to defend.
A “principle” is at stake, you think, when in reality vanity and pride are the only principles involved.
Reinforcements in the form of in-laws enter the picture; soon both sides are mobilized for an all-out war.
People will at least consider almost any suggestion made in a friendly manner. But they will bristle with resentment if it is shouted at them in ill temper.
Not only words but even an angry tone can slam the door of understanding. In disagreements, abusive words crowd the mouth, the doorway way of the heart.
Then stubbornness gets its chance, and the peace that a simple, kind word of apology could have quickly restored is rendered exceedingly difficult.
Too many marriages end up on the rocks because of little words and phrases. Many divorces could have been avoided if husband and wife had refrained from angry bickering and talked over their differences in a spirit of mutual understanding and goodwill.
Uncharitable talk should cause you deep concern, because it may be the source of great harm to your family. You have only to think of God’s judgment and the account that you will have to render on your observance of the Eighth Commandment: “You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor.”
If you thoughtlessly wag your tongue or make it the tool of anger or hatred; if you permit yourself to be swayed by bad temper, selfishness, and vanity; if you judge and blame rashly, try to begin to improve today for the love of God and your family.
The following remedies may curb uncharitable talk in your family.
~ Learn to be silent, especially when you are angry or disturbed, because silence is one of the great helps to avoid sin, to safeguard virtue, and to grow in close union with God. Do not repeat gossip and slander, even if by so doing you can hold the interest of your spouse, children, or friends. Carefully sift the talk you hear. Speak your mind, if you will, but mind what you speak.
~ Openly oppose uncharitable talk or counteract it by eloquent silence. It is a great work of charity to show by your conduct that uncharitable talk disgusts you as much as impure stories do.
~Have a sense of humor, which comes to the rescue in many a trying situation. It enables you to see the funny side of a situation when your attention had been previously engrossed on the distressing side.
Do not save your sense of humor for parties; put it to work in your home, where it is needed most of all. The ability to see humor in a situation often enables you to extricate yourself from a predicament quickly.
A good, hearty laugh will encourage a cheerful spirit in your family. But good humor does not mean ridicule.
A certain amount of good-humored kidding between husband and wife is usually a sign that they are getting along well. But if ridicule is used to sting and hurt, it is a sign that one has lost respect for the other.
~Speak of events, not of people, because a good name – that is, the esteem in which a person is held by his fellowmen and the mutual confidence resulting from this esteem – is a sacred thing, and everyone has a right to it.
If you cannot say anything good about someone, one, say nothing at all.
~ Do not deceive yourself by false excuses for unkind talk, such as, “It’s not so bad or important,” “What I said is true,” or “I told him to keep it confidential.” Consider the damage that might be done to a person’s good name even in what you consider a trifling matter.
~ Avoid harsh and disrespectful words. They wound the heart and disturb the soul. Wisecracks can hurt others, arouse resentment in them, and even engender hate. Avoid personal remarks and bitter sarcasm.
If you wish to keep those you love close to you, laugh with them, not at them. You can destroy love by making scornful, sarcastic, belittling remarks to others, or by telling your friends jokes and humorous incidents that make a laughingstock of your spouse or your children.
At social gatherings, you can offend your spouse’s and friends’ sensibilities by displaying a form of rudeness that you would never tolerate from your children.
How often do you interrupt a conversation to correct someone or to give your interpretation of what he is saying? How often do you contradict him?
~ Make a promise never to speak an angry word to your spouse. Difficulties will arise between you and your spouse, for you are only human. Yet there is no difficulty – no matter how serious – that cannot be settled if you talk it over in a calm, friendly manner.
If you are angry with your spouse, talk it out together. You should share your grievances against each other in loving sympathy: in this paradox lies a precious secret to happiness.
Psychiatrists testify that there is healing in unbosoming ourselves to a sympathetic and friendly listener. It restores peace of mind and a normal healthy outlook. Troubles shared are troubles halved; troubles hidden are troubles doubled.
True psychology is expressed in the Christian teaching that we must make peace with our adversary quickly, by coming to an understanding with him.
What the heart cries for is not an explosion but a release, and the healthy way to achieve that release is for one person to make feelings of injury or injustice clear to the other.
The words most difficult to say are: “I was at fault…. I’m sorry…. Please forgive me.” Yet the person who utters them first proves superiority in character and in magnanimity and wins the greater victory.
Of course, it is destructive to swallow grudges and nourish them quietly. You can rid yourself of resentments without letting them boil up inside you. The best way to approach such situations is to prevent them from developing.
If not nipped in the bud, the tendency to quarrel can become chronic.
~ Be kind and considerate in speech. Substitute expressions of kindness for quarreling and bitterness. Be quick to praise and commend, but slow to criticize. Take particular pains to see that you use your tongue for good, not for evil; to console, not to condemn; to build up, not to tear down; to rejoice at the good fortune of others, not to begrudge them success.
Reassure each other of your love in words of gratitude, appreciation, admiration, sympathy, comfort, and encouragement.
Love needs and thrives on frequent assurances; it dwindles when it is rarely put into words.
Avoid idleness and gossip, remembering our Lord’s warning, “I tell you, on the day of judgment men will render account for every careless word they utter; for by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned.”
As long as you devote yourself fully to your work, you will have neither the time nor the inclination to take part in unkind talk.
Above all, pray for each other. If you prayed for the members of your family half as much as you talk about their faults, how many sins would you avoid and how much happier your family life would be!
“When the results of life are all gathered up—it will probably be seen that the things in us which have made the deepest and most lasting impressions in our homes and upon our children—have not been the things we did with purpose and intention, planning to produce a certain effect—but the things we did when we were not thinking of training or influencing or affecting any other life!” -J.R. Miller
All 5 Maglets! Catholic Young Lady’s Maglet, Catholic Wife’s Maglet, Sunshiny Disposition, True Womanhood and Advent/Christmas Package of 5!
A must-read for the married and those considering marriage! This guidebook to finding a happy marriage, keeping a happy marriage, and raising happy children has been out of print for over 50 years…until now! From the master of the spiritual life, Raoul Plus, S.J., it contains loads of practical and spiritual advice on family life. Have you been looking for a handbook on marriage and raising children that is based on truth? You’ve found it!
The saints assure us that simplicity is the virtue most likely to draw us closer to God and make us more like Him.
No wonder Jesus praised the little children and the pure of heart! In them, He recognized the goodness that arises from an untroubled simplicity of life, a simplicity which in the saints is completely focused on its true center, God.
That’s easy to know, simple to say, but hard to achieve.
For our lives are complicated and our personalities too. (We even make our prayers and devotions more complicated than they need be!)
In these pages, Fr. Raoul Plus provides a remedy for the even the most tangled lives.
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Charity is practical love of our neighbor, the endeavor to do good to him in soul and in the highest sense of the word. But love that resides in the soul ought to manifest itself through the body and its actions.
The Gospel says that Jesus “went about doing good,” and in this He is a beautiful example for you. You have innumerable opportunities for doing good in your family. You have a heart, good thoughts, good words and deeds, and, above all, prayer.
Kindness is never more important than in the family, and never more necessary than in parents.
Be Kind in Thought
Without kind thoughts, there can be no real charity in the home. The thought eventually takes shape in words and works of charity, and gives to them their life, beauty, and worth. Words and works of charity are dead unless they are accompanied by a loving thought.
Kind thoughts preserve you from many sins against charity in your home. Uncharitable judgments, misunderstandings, suspicions, envy, jealousy, and uncharitable words will not take root in your soul if you think kind thoughts.
Strained relations between your spouse or your children and you will be smoothed out, petty arguments will end of themselves, and aversions will disappear.
Kind thoughts are the secret of success in dealing with the members of your family. Only a kind person is able to judge another justly and make allowances for his weaknesses.
As a mother or father, you wield the power to influence your children for good if your thoughts are always kind.
A kind thought never fails to bring joy to your home. It gladdens you and those around you. Happiness is not necessarily won by deeds, but it is readily held by a simple loving thought which can dispel the clouds of depression, discontent, and sadness.
Your family will not fail to notice the presence of such thoughts, even if no word is spoken. If it should happen that no one is aware of the kind thought in your heart, God is aware of it, for He who Himself is Love knows all things.
You cooperate in God’s work when you wish your spouse or your children well, when you implore God’s blessing on their work and rejoice and thank God for their success. The good you do in this way will be rewarded more than any other because cause it is wholly selfless.
To foster kind thoughts, remember these suggestions:
Put yourself in the place of the other person, and ask yourself how you would feel if you were the subject of such thoughts or judgments. Does God want this?
Remember your own faults. Perhaps they are greater than those you condemn in others.
Remember the good points and virtues of others, which usually outweigh their faults.
Try to find some excuse for the things that others do which you do not like. This means having your eyes open to the whole truth, lest hasty judgments and prejudices close them to a part of the truth.
Forgive injuries and try to make up at once with those who have offended you, or with those whom you have offended.
Be sympathetic. Feel for others, and take a sincere interest in all that concerns them.
Try to see God in your spouse and children. Love for your neighbor – and no one should be closer to you than your family – means loving God in your neighbor. This will lift your kindness to a supernatural plane and, at the same time, make it more generous, active, and universal.
Pray for your family that God may be glorified in and through them. Above all, receive Holy Communion frequently, and ask Jesus to increase and preserve love in your heart for your family.
If the Eucharist is the bond of charity that unites all Christians as members of one spiritual body, the Church, it is also the bond of charity that keeps your family together.
By giving you a fuller share in the life of Christ, Holy Communion unites you more intimately to each other. It also gives you the help through actual grace to carry out God’s great commandment of love in your own home, and to put away all unkindness.
Through frequent Holy Communion, you will learn to overcome your selfishness and to resist your natural feelings of hatred and bitterness. You will develop kindness and sympathy, forbearance and forgiveness.
“At a certain moment when going to confession to a Capuchin father, St. Therese came to understand that it was just the opposite: her “defects did not displease God” and her littleness attracted God’s love, just as a father is moved by the weakness of his children and loves them still more as soon as he sees their good will and sincere love.” -Fr. Jacques Philippe,The Way of Trust and Love, http://amzn.to/2fpXVzl Painting by Millie Childers
In this sermon I teach the two ways of meditation, Lectio Divina and Mental Prayer, according to St. Bruno and St. Teresa of Avila, respectively.
Beautiful Vintaj Wire Wrapped Blue Cloisonné Rosary! Lovely, Durable…
The rosary, scapulars, formal prayers and blessings, holy water, incense, altar candles. . . . The sacramentals of the Holy Catholic Church express the supreme beauty and goodness of Almighty God. The words and language of the blessings are beautiful; the form and art of statues and pictures inspire the best in us. The sacramentals of themselves do not save souls, but they are the means for securing heavenly help for those who use them properly. A sacramental is anything set apart or blessed by the Church to excite good thoughts and to help devotion, and thus secure grace and take away venial sin or the temporal punishment due to sin. This beautiful compendium of Catholic sacramentals contains more than 60,000 words and over 50 full color illustrations that make the time-tested sacramental traditions of the Church – many of which have been forgotten since Vatican II – readily available to every believer.
“The more things change, the more they stay the same.” Published 80 years ago, this Catholic classic focuses on the Christian family and uses as its foundation the1929 encyclical “On Christian Education of Youth” coupled with the “sense of Faith.” Addressing family topics and issues that remain as timely now as they were when the guide was first published, “The Christian Home” succinctly offers sound priestly reminders and advice in six major areas…
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Cheerfulness and kindness go hand in hand. Cultivate the spirit of cheerfulness from a supernatural motive. This means self-restraint, self-control for the love of God and your neighbor.
Take care not to lose your temper; for nobody wants it. Keep a smile on your face and a kind word on your tongue all day long towards your superiors, equals, and inferiors. You will make others happy, and find happiness yourself in giving joy and comfort to others.
A smile, like a yawn, is infectious. Smile and you will receive a smile in return, but if you should meet a churl, who gives you a frown for a smile, well, with a gracious word to him, take your departure; let this not disturb you. Your Guardian Angel has recorded your good deed, and your kindness will receive a heavenly reward. Continue reading →
Regularly speaking kind and loving words brings the spirit of peace into your home. How do you talk to your husband in normal, everyday communication? Is your speech marked by soft, loving words?
What would your husband say if he were asked, “Does your wife communicate with you in a kind manner?”
Choosing to communicate with kindness and love in marriage is a spiritual discipline. We’re so wired to respond “in the same manner” that whenever a perceived provocation of any degree is felt, we react on autopilot. When challenging moments happen, you need to be ready, having prepared yourself with the truth that you are not the victim of your fleshly impulses.
You have the power to respond, in any situation, with a soft answer.
But what about all those other moments that fill the normal days of marriage? Are you speaking lovingly then? Consider these examples: “Hey, take out the trash,” versus, “Hey, babe, I’d love it if you could take out the trash . . . I sure appreciate you!”
“The doctor’s bill came. You need to pay it,” versus, “Is this a good time to talk about some bills that have come in?”
“On your way home, pick up some milk and eggs,” versus, “Hey, love, would you mind picking up some milk and eggs on the way home?”
When mundane things are referenced with kindness and love you are actually adding a layer of respect to your conversation.
You may have different discussions in your home, but the principle is the same. When you speak – even in the small, seemingly insignificant matters that make up the day – do so in a thoughtful manner.
Peace follows a soft approach. After all, it’s difficult to have strife with a person who is speaking to you in a gentle tone.
Purpose to be a woman who speaks kindly toward your husband. “And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you.” (Ephesians 4:32)
You were the epitome of kindness, graciousness and gentleness when you sojourned on this earth. Please pray for me that I may become more like you each day…especially in my home with my husband. May I show him kindness in the words I speak and in the manner I speak them. And when I fall may I have the humility to admit it and get right back up again. In Jesus’ name, I pray. Amen.
“The Holy Family lived in a plain cottage among other working people, in a village perched on a hillside. Although they did not enjoy modern conveniences, the three persons who lived there made it the happiest home that ever was. You cannot imagine any of them at any time thinking first of himself. This is the kind of home a husband likes to return to and to remain in. Mary saw to it that such was their home. She took it as her career to be a successful homemaker and mother.” -Fr. Lawrence G. Lovasik. The Catholic Family Handbook https://amzn.to/2XHhW5N (afflink)
Our Lady of Guadalupe “Patroness of the Americas” Apron! Feminine and Beautiful! Fully lined, quality material, made with care. Available here.
Women historically have been denigrated as lower than men or viewed as privileged. Dr. Alice von Hildebrand characterizes the difference between such views as based on whether man’s vision is secularistic or steeped in the supernatural. She shows that feminism’s attempts to gain equality with men by imitation of men is unnatural, foolish, destructive, and self-defeating. The Blessed Mother’s role in the Incarnation points to the true privilege of being a woman. Both virginity and maternity meet in Mary who exhibits the feminine gifts of purity, receptivity to God’s word, and life-giving nurturance at their highest.
You’ll learn how to grow in wisdom and in love as you encounter the unglamorous, everyday problems that threaten all marriages. As the author says: If someone were to give me many short bits of wool, most likely I would throw them away. A carpet weaver thinks differently. He knows the marvels we can achieve by using small things artfully and lovingly. Like the carpet weaver, the good wife must be an artist of love. She must remember her mission and never waste the little deeds that fill her day the precious bits of wool she s been given to weave the majestic tapestry of married love.
This remarkable book will show you how to start weaving love into the tapestry of your marriage today, as it leads you more deeply into the joys of love.
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In our roles as wives and mothers, we are called to love, bless, and encourage our husbands and our children.
We would like our families to remember us as joyful and loving.
I think we all know that a meek and quiet spirit leads us toward these goals, while anger and a quick (and loud) temper destroys the relationships that are so dear to our hearts.
Being meek and quiet may not come naturally to us (and probably doesn’t for most of us….so take heart, you’re not alone!), we must pray for it as it leads to peace, contentment and blessings.
No matter how we have messed up in the past when it comes to meekness and kindness, let us forgive ourselves and, with hope and joy, ask our Lady to bless us with these gifts! She will surely answer such a prayer!
In our Legion of Mary meetings, the virtue that we are reminded of continually, the one that will be the surest path to saving souls is Kindness..
How many opportunities do we have each day to practice the virtue of Kindness within the home…with our spouse and our children. We need not go anywhere else to practice this one!
If we reflect upon it, kindness is but the outcome and exemplar of the divine precept: “Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself.” There is nothing we personally so much appreciate as kindness.
We like others to think of us kindly, to speak to us kindly, and to render us kindly actions and in a kindly manner.
Now we should know how to put ourselves in the place of others, and thus we should testify to them that kindliness that we value so much ourselves.
When our divine Lord came down upon earth, He came not only to save us by shedding His blood for us, but to teach us by His example how to cooperate with Him in extending the kingdom of His Father.
And one of the most powerful means which He employed for this purpose was kindness, gentleness and forbearance. “The goodness and kindness of God our Savior appeared,” by which words we learn that kindness is not altogether synonymous with goodness, but, as it were, a luster, a bloom, an attraction superadded to it.
We might regard this sweet reflection from the Heart of Jesus from many points of view, but it is especially under one aspect that we have been considering it; namely, as a powerful weapon in our hands for the efficacious exercise of our apostolate.
Kindly thoughts of others will be productive of prayer in their regard, at once fervent and affectionate– prayer such as the loving Heart of Jesus willingly listens to; kindly words and deeds will draw souls to the love of Him whose spirit they behold so attractively reproduced in His members.
As the wood-violets give forth their perfume from beneath the brushwood that conceals them from dew, telling us of their unseen nearness, so kindness reveals to us the nearness of Jesus, the sweetness of Whose spirit is thus breathed forth.
Such is the kindness which is that great missioner sent by the Heart of Jesus to exercise an apostolate of love upon earth, and so to promote the glory of God and the salvation of souls. To exercise this apostolate will be the endeavor of all true lovers of the divine Heart, and thus they will reproduce and perpetuate the life of the Heart of Jesus upon earth, so that it may be said of them: “The goodness and kindness of God our Savior has appeared” in His members.
JUDGE NOT
Our Lord and Savior wishes us to face the thought of judgment without undue terror or excitement. And therefore whilst He has revealed its terrors, He has not made it appear difficult to prepare for it.
He has, as is usual with Him, pointed to one or two very common duties, and has promised that if we are faithful in these, the Judgment may be awaited with confidence. “Judge not, and you shall not be judged.” To judge others means to dwell uncharitably on the faults and weaknesses of our neighbor –or, what is worse, to reveal them and comment upon them.
It is one of the commonest of sins. It is found among all ranks and degrees, wherever there is conversation. It is found within the walls of convents almost as much– though not perhaps to such a serious degree– as in the drawing-room and the cottage.
To strive to repress unkind conversation and unkind feeling is to be in earnest in loving God with our whole heart. Therefore, it is to secure for ourselves safety in the day of Judgment.
THE GOLDEN RULE
“As you do to others, so also will My Heavenly Father do to you.” This refers to kind actions.
In order, therefore, to make sure of safety at the Judgment, we cannot do better than study to show kindness to one another.
If rich and well-to-do people are kind, they are safe; but the kindness must be true kindness. It must be a kindness that is anxious for the immortal souls which our heavenly Father chiefly longs for– which gives or procures instruction, sacraments, and good example.
It must be a kindness which not only bestows money, but also comforting words and wise intercourse; a kindness which not only gives what is superfluous to the giver, but is given at the cost of sacrifice and trouble. –Bishop Hedley.
As you would that men should do to you, do you also to them in like manner. –Luke vi. 31.
“She who is the dear Mother of us all will teach you by the silent voice of her example, how to bring the light of heaven down into your home, the generosity of the children of God into the discharge of your every occupation, and the sweet spirit of Christ to ennoble your toil, to brighten your care and your suffering.” Fr. Bernard O’Reilly, 1893
Do you have any Mass intentions for us? We will bring them to our daily Masses this week…
The Catholic Mother’s Traditional Lenten Journal!
“Lent is a remarkable and rewarding season. For a Catholic, it is a time of fasting, prayer, almsgiving, reflection…. It is also a personal time of spiritual growth. That personal growth must reach its tentacles out to the family. Mothers, we live out our lives of service and love, and every season becomes an opportunity of teaching and planting seeds of the Faith in the minds and hearts of our children. I have prepared this Lenten journal to help you to keep on track. It is to assist you in keeping focused on making Lent a special time for your family. We do not have to do great things to influence those little people. No, we must do the small things in a great way…with love and consistency. Catholic culture is built on celebrating, in the home, the feasts, the seasons, the saints, the holydays….making them come alive in a beautiful and charming way. Lent is that special season wherein we teach our children the value of sacrifice and of discipline. This journal will lay out some simple activities in which your children will be doing their sacrifices and will have a tangible means of “counting” them for Jesus. You, Mom, will have a place to put a check mark if that the activity is remembered and completed for the day. This journal also includes a place for you to check off whether you are fulfilling your own personal resolutions…your Spiritual Reading, your Family Rosary, etc. It makes it more palpable if you can check it off at the end of the day….there’s just something about putting pen to paper when an accomplishment has been fulfilled! My hope is that this journal may help you stay focused on making this Lent fruitful for your own soul and the souls of those little people entrusted to your care!”
