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Category Archives: Youth

Immodest Conversation/Dangerous Reading

17 Tuesday May 2022

Posted by Leanevdp in Clean Love in Courtship - Fr. Lovasik, FF Tidbits, Youth

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Very good reading for all. Sometimes the temptations get confused with sin. Fr. Lovasik lays it out pretty clear so you know where the line is drawn…

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From Clean Love in Courtship, Fr. Lawrence G. Lovasik

Immodest Conversation and Speaking

MORTAL SIN

 Immodest conversation with the intention of exciting the hearers to lust. Course language which would scandalize and excite the young and innocent.

VENIAL SIN:

 Immodest conversation which is merely suggestive or slightly objectionable.

No SIN:

 Serious conversation about sexual topics is permissible when there is a sufficient reason for it and proper precautions are taken.

Listening

MORTAL SIN:

To listen to obscene conversation for the sake of the sensual pleasure that it excites.

VENIAL SIN:

 To listen out of curiosity or to laugh at obscene jokes from human respect. Many people who tell stories with sexy content are not bothered by them, but they have to assume some responsibility for their listeners.

Things like this can easily give scandal, especially in a mature mixed group, and above all when adolescents are present. The mere fun of telling a story is never a sufficient reason for the uncertain danger of temptation which is practically always present.

A smutty story displays your lack of a sense of decency and the state of your soul. It proclaims the meagerness of your sources of entertainment, the coarseness of your ideas of humor, the inadequacy of your means of expression.

It soils the imagination of your hearers, hanging vulgar pictures in the inner chambers of their minds. A dirty story disgusts people of finer sensibilities who care for the clean, wholesome things of life, but hate dirt.

It dishonors your parents, your friends, your God and yourself! Off-color and suggestive stories and jokes may be serious occasions of sin in company-keeping.

They easily arouse passions and lead the way to sin. Make it a point of honor that you will never soil your date with a single dirty story. Say nothing that you would not want your mother to hear.

God sees and hears you. Never take willful pleasure listening to a dirty story. If you are not in a position to silence the Story-teller or change the trend of conversation, or leave, at least refrain from encouraging him by your interest or expression of pleasure and approval.

Let him see from your attitude that you are not interested. Avoid the company of those who tell filthy jokes or stories. If your friend belongs to this class, you have made a very poor choice.

Dangerous Reading

MORTAL SIN:

 The reading of a very obscene book without sufficient reason. The reading of slightly objectionable books with an evil intention.

VENIAL SIN:

 The reading of slightly objectionable books out of mere curiosity and without evil intentions, e.g., a novel with too passionate love.

No SIN:

 Those who have a serious reason for reading (doctors, nurses, spiritual directors, teachers, young people about to be married who need instruction) do not sin, even though they should be strongly excited, provided that they control their wills. The greater the danger to the virtue of chastity, the greater must be the justifying reason for reading dangerous books.

Even mere entertainment justifies one in ignoring occasional slight motions of passion caused by a few suggestive pictures or  passages in books or magazines that are otherwise decent.

But mere entertainment is not usually a complete justification for reading things that one finds strongly stimulating, even in an otherwise decent book or magazine.

One of the great enemies to the moral cleanliness of youth is the avalanche of filth being poured upon them today by smutty magazines, lewd pictures and newspapers which relate the details of sexual crimes and divorce scandals.

Such literature poisons the minds, befouls the imaginations and sullies the hearts of youth. The publishers of these filthy, sex inciting magazines are the arch criminals of our day, the criminals who turn out others by the hundreds.

Make it a point of honor never to read any literature which you know to be in any way objectionable. Refrain from reading cheap books and magazines that will scarcely be an inspiration to you.

Read and promote Catholic books, magazines and pamphlets in order to become a better Catholic and help the cause of truth and virtue. You cannot appreciate anything you know little about.

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“Let us ask God every day and in every prayer we ever say to make us love Him. Let us offer every good act we do that He may give us this, the greatest of all graces, His blessed love. In our morning prayers and evening prayers, in our Rosary, at Mass, in our Communions, let it be our first, our most earnest petition, that we may love God. Let us never say any prayer in which this is not our outstanding wish and intention.” – Rev. Fr. Paul O’Sullivan. An Easy Way To Become A Saint, 1943
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This is a must-read for Catholic youth. The do’s and don’t s of dating, how to keep pure, what is a sin and what is just a temptation, the qualities to look for in a good spouse, etc. It is small, but power-packed, straightforward and balanced! http://amzn.to/2niVm2T (afflink)
Sermon for today. “What are the dangers of dating? What is the purpose of marriage? What does the Church teach is OK to & not OK to do with members of the opposite gender?”

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To the modern mind, the concept of poverty is often confused with destitution. But destitution emphatically is not the Gospel ideal. A love-filled sharing frugality is the message, and Happy Are You Poor explains the meaning of this beatitude lived and taught by Jesus himself. But isn’t simplicity in lifestyle meant only for nuns and priests? Are not all of us to enjoy the goodness and beauties of our magnificent creation? Are parents to be frugal with the children they love so much?

For over half a century, Catholic families have treasured the practical piety and homespun wisdom of Mary Reed Newland’s classic of domestic spirituality, The Year and Our Children. With this new edition, no longer will you have to search for worn, dusty copies to enjoy Newland’s faithful insights, gentle lessons, and delightful stories. They’re all here, and ready to be shared with your family or homeschooling group. Here, too, you’ll find all the prayers, crafts, family activities, litanies, and recipes that will help make your children ever-mindful of the beautiful rhythm of the Church calendar.
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Young People’s Questions: On Caring for Aged Parents/Should I Marry for Reputation ~ Fr. Donald Miller, C.SS.R

10 Tuesday May 2022

Posted by Leanevdp in Questions Young People Ask Before Marriage, Fr. Donald Miller, C.SS.R., 1955, Youth

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691042340ba6b18edcd3e621fcd46629Questions Young People Ask Before Marriage ~ by Fr. Donald Miller, C.SS.R.

On Caring for Aged Parents

Problem:

Is there any obligation that one member of a large family sacrifice his or her life to the care of the parents in their old age? I am thinking of the case in which the parents are financially independent, but partially, not totally, disabled by old age.

Some parents insist that one son or daughter stay with them, giving up any thought of marriage or a vocation of their own. Others whom I have known are willing to make any sacrifice to have all their children follow some vocation, even though it leaves them entirely alone.

The question has been raised in our own family and I wish to know what is right.

Solution:

In the case as given, in which the parents are financially independent, thus presumably able to provide whatever care they need themselves, the true Christian attitude is that of those who want to see every one of their children established in their own vocation, even though it means sacrifice and something of loneliness for themselves.

It would not be wrong, of course, for one of the children to choose to make a vocation out of staying with the parents, thus freely sacrificing opportunities for marriage and a home of their own.

This would be a form of charity and sacrifice worthy of high praise, so long as the one who adopted it based it on spiritual motives, accepted the sacrifice without later grumbling and complaining, and cultivated a solidly spiritual life.

But such a sacrifice would not be of obligation in the case mentioned, and parents should be most highly commended who would urge that it be not made.

There are frequent examples of selfishness and even interference with God’s evident plans on the part of parents.

Thus, those who, in no great physical need and financially secure, refuse to permit a son or daughter to follow a priestly or religious vocation because they won’t give up their companionship, would even do wrong.

The same would be true of parents not in need who would, prevent the marriage of a son or daughter in love and desiring to marry, just because they don’t want to be left alone.

The case is different entirely if the parents are destitute and helplessly ill. In that case some kind of an obligation arises among the children to take care of the parents. Even in this case, however, it can sometimes be arranged that, through the cooperation of all, the parents can be taken care of and none of the children prevented from following an evident vocation.

Should a Girl Marry for her Reputation?

Problem:

Should a girl who has fallen into sin and thus become pregnant insist on marrying the man who was her companion in sin?

Should those who have influence over her insist that this be done to salvage her good name and to provide both a mother and a father for the child?

I am a social worker, and come into contact with these cases every now and then. Is there any general rule to be followed?

Solution:

The one general rule that can be set down is that the decision to marry or not to marry should not be made by such a girl solely on the ground that the marriage would (doubtfully) save her good name and provide a home for the expected baby.

The preservation of her good name would be little comfort to a girl if this were effected by entrance into a marriage that could be foreseen to have little chance of success.

Moreover the providing of a home for an expected baby would be of little advantage if there were little possibility that it would be a good and happy home.

Therefore each case of this kind must be decided according to the circumstances connected with it. If the circumstances reveal that there are good prospects of the marriage turning out successfully, it should be recommended.

This would require, of course, that the man in the case show some solidity of character, true repentance for his lapse into sin, readiness to assume the responsibilities of marriage, etc.

It would also require that the couple love each other sufficiently to be good companions and help-mates. It need hardly be added that both must be free to marry validly.

If the circumstances make it clear that a marriage between the two would have little chance of success, because of the weak character of the man, his lack of sound morals, his obvious inability to support a family, or because, as quite often happens., the girl has come to feel an antipathy for him, or is herself too immature to take up the duties of marriage, then there should be no thought of urging marriage.
Even though the ideal thing is that every child born into the world have a real home with a mother and father, the ideal must yield to the practical and prudent judgment that a particular couple could not establish a good home.

Surely a girl who has had the misfortune of falling into sin should not be coerced nor even strongly urged against her wishes to marry the man involved.

The tasks of protecting her good name in so far as possible, and of providing for the child, can be taken care of in other ways.

“A decent young man really respects the young woman who quietly refuses to be ‘pawed over’ and ‘necked’; he wants a wife who has kept pure.
A decent girl breathes a sigh of relief when she finds that a young man respects her as a human being, as a friend, and as a lady.
There is nothing so beautiful and so powerful as virtuous loveliness. Riches, high position, physical beauty—none of these entrances as does sinlessness. Self-control, purity, exalts the soul while preserving it from defilement.” – Fr. Lawrence Lovasik, Clean Love in Courtship http://amzn.to/2sSyFUA (afflink)

Sister gives a talk on the little way of St Therese & what Our Lady wants from us…

Our attitude changes our life…it’s that simple. Our good attitude greatly affects those that we love, making our homes a more cheerier and peaceful dwelling! To have this control…to be able to turn around our attitude is a tremendous thing to think about!
This Gratitude Journal is here to help you focus on the good, the beautiful, the praiseworthy. “For the rest, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever modest, whatsoever just, whatsoever holy, whatsoever lovely, whatsoever of good fame, if there be any virtue, if any praise of discipline, think on these things.” (Philippians 4:8 – Douay Rheims).
Yes, we need to be thinking of these things throughout the day!
You will be disciplined, the next 30 days, to write positive, thankful thoughts down in this journal. You will be thinking about good memories, special moments, things and people you are grateful for, lovely and thought-provoking Catholic quotes, thoughts before bedtime, etc. Saying it, reading it, writing it, all helps to ingrain thankfulness into our hearts…and Our Lord so loves gratefulness! It makes us happier, too!

Available here.



There’s nothing complicated or magical about learning to be kinder; it just takes greater attention to the things that you do and how you do them. The Hidden Power of Kindness shows you how to become more aware of even your most offhand daily actions. You’ll find simple, step-by-step, and spiritually crucial directions for how to overcome the habitual unkindnesses that creep undetected into the behavior of even the most careful souls.

From the thousands of personal letters by St. Francis de Sales comes this short, practical guide that will develop in you the soul-nourishing habits that lead to sanctity.
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Romantic Love…A Subtle Thing

02 Monday May 2022

Posted by Leanevdp in Cana is Forever, Marriage, Youth, Youth/Courtship

≈ 2 Comments

An excellent article reminding those who are contemplating marriage on what to look for and those who are already married on what they can do to rekindle love.

From Cana is Forever by Rev. Charles Hugo Doyle

Romantic love is such a subtle thing that human intelligence must be assisted by divine grace to be able to discern the true from the false. Few realize that true love is, as defined by Webster, “a desire for and earnest effort to promote the welfare of another,” and not simply another name for external manifestations of affection and sex satisfaction.

Nuptial love that is built on passion alone is doomed to failure. Almost all passions are temporary by nature. We know from experience that the passion of anger, for instance, is rarely able to be sustained at a high pitch. Once we “get even” with our enemy, the force of the rage is spent.

The same is true of love as a passion, for from this point of view the chief pleasure is in anticipation and once its object is attained it may wane and even pall. Marriage must be built on a much firmer basis.

A happy marriage depends on one’s early education in what real love is and what it is not, and what its end and object are. A happy marriage depends too on one’s capacity during courtship to discern true love from mere infatuation. Love whets the appetite; infatuation leaves hunger still.

“Love hath its seat

In reason and is judicious,”

says Milton, while infatuation directs action without reason and precludes judgment.

Love is a learned quality; infatuation is a play of humor in the blood. Infatuation can even be a one-sided affair, but not so, love, for as the Italian proverb says, “To love and not be loved is time lost.” One strives in vain to light a cigarette from a dead coal.

A doctor of medicine, a close friend of mine, and I were discussing a young man, a problem child, in whose case we had both become concerned. I ventured to suggest that what really ailed the boy was that “he had a touch of love.”

“You ought to know better than that,” said the doctor. “Love is like diabetes. There is no such thing as a touch of it. You have it or you don’t have it.”

Granted that one knows when he or she is in love, is there no infallible way of telling the genuine from the unreasonable facsimile? I’m afraid not, but I hasten to say that you can be morally certain your love is true and genuine if you find gentleness, beauty, refinement, generosity and intelligence and a reciprocal love made up of all these qualities and one that outdistances your love, day by day, month by month.

What? No sex? Yes, indeed, but when two persons are really in love and that love is genuine, the sex feelings are so controlled that, without realizing it, they find great pleasure merely in being in one another’s company.

Newell W. Edson of the American Social Hygiene Association, in a pamphlet entitled “Love in the Making,” has listed the following signs as indicative of true love:

  1. A genuine interest in the other person and all that he or she says or does.
  2. A community of tastes, ideals, and standards with no serious clashes.
  3. A greater happiness in being with this one person than with any other.
  4. A real unhappiness when the other person is absent.
  5. A great feeling of comradeship.
  6. A willingness to give and take.
  7. A disposition to give fair consideration to the other party’s judgment.
  8. A pride in the other person when comparisons are made.
  9. A wealth of things to say and do together.

Mr. Edson neglected to mention something that I consider a most indicative sign of love, and that is a willingness to sacrifice oneself for another–to sacrifice something prized by the giver.

Sacrifice stimulates love while expressing it. It was Antoine deSaint-Exupery, I think, who said: “The mother gives nourishment from her own body for her child. By her giving she creates her love. To create love we must begin by sacrifice. Afterwards it is love that makes the sacrifices. But it is we who must take the first step.”

Emerson sums up the whole problem in his own inimitable way as follows: “All that is in the world, which is or ought to be known, is cunningly wrought into the texture of man and woman:

The person love does to us fit

Like Manna, has the taste of all in it.”

Upon parents, teachers, and clergy alike falls the grave obligation of forewarning and forearming teen-age youths against the folly of permitting themselves to “go steady” during high-school years.

Youth must be taught the dangers of this procedure well in advance of its actuality, for once the love-bug gets them they become blind to reason and deaf to admonition. Teen-agers must be shown that the wisdom of nature must be respected and that ventures into love demand maturity–physical, intellectual, and emotional maturity.

The bird does not leave the nest until its wings are grown strong enough to carry it. The chrysalis does not tear open until there are wings to take the tiny insect aloft. Teenagers likewise ought to wait until they are of proper age before going steady or being allowed to do so.

My experience with adolescents has been that under ordinary circumstances, they react favorably to logic. For instance, few teenagers would let themselves fall in love during their highschool years if they knew that more than sixty-nine per cent of those who were madly in love during that period of their lives did not marry the object of this youthful affection at or after the age of twenty-one. This proves simply that a person at twenty-one has a different sense of values than at, say, sixteen or seventeen.

No, youth would fail to condemn the folly of a sixteen-year-old lad who had set his heart on a red convertible coupe and had gone so far as to have a car salesman give him several road demonstrations, but who at the same time had no money to buy a car, no money for its upkeep, no place to keep a car, and, lastly, couldn’t drive a car.

Now, applying the same reasoning to steady company-keeping by minors, it is easy to point out the utter folly of permitting themselves to fall in love until they are old enough to distinguish real love from mere infatuation; until they are mature enough to assume the complex and responsible duty of parenthood; and until they have the income sufficient to establish and maintain a home.

Teenagers should ponder the wisdom of the words of Owen Felltham, who warns that “love is never lasting which flames before it burns.”

A person may not vote until his twenty-first birthday has been reached. Now, this legislation was enacted simply because the politicians felt that anyone younger lacked mature judgment.

Anyone who is too immature to vote is too immature to choose a life partner. There are physical reasons also involved in such a decision. The Germans, according to Julius Caesar, ruled that the act of reproduction in marriage was not permitted to anyone under twenty-one without incurring infamy: and to this he attributed the great strength and fine stature of that simple people.

But is it possible to keep from falling in love? It is, if kissing and petting are not indulged in, no endearing terms expressed through little intimacies, no gifts exchanged, and no confession of love made. It’s just as simple as all that.

Ovid, a writer in ancient times, said “Love gives place to business. Attend to business and you will be safe.”

It is a wise thing to have a few, good, well-founded principles to guide you when about to choose a mate. One of those principles should be that beauty of face and figure will not be the sole motivating factor in your choice.

Remember that “you can never tell the depth of the well by the length of the handle on the pump.”

A ready smile, a bright mind, a pleasing personality, a courteous manner are all more important than a pretty face. All the flaunted beauty of certain screen actresses and actors has not served so well in keeping them happily married.

To those who are intellectually, physically, vocationally, and emotionally mature enough to fall in love, we say emphatically that enduring love is ever built on virtue which cannot be seen in the other person at once.

Long acquaintanceship–one to five years–has better prospects than “love at first sight.”

Above all, we remind them that many more qualities than the severely practical go into the composition of married life and home building. Abstract traits are beautiful and indispensable, but:

“Will the love that you are rich in

Build a fire in the kitchen

Or the little god of Love turn the spit, spit, spit?“

Flour is the chief and most quantitative ingredient in a good cake, but flour alone won’t make a cake. You also need baking powder, salt, sugar, shortening, eggs and milk, a lot of sifting and mixing, a smooth batter, and just the right amount of heat.

Love is the chief ingredient requisite for a happy marriage but not the only one. A good many other things go into the making of a happy marriage, especially in these modern times with changing attitudes. Speaking of recipes, here is an old grandmother’s recipe that has a lot of wisdom in it:

“When once you have made your selection, let it remain forever settled and give your entire thoughts to preparation for domestic use. Some wives keep their husbands in pickle, others in hot water.

Even poor varieties may be made sweet, tender and good by garnishing with patience, well sweetened with smiles and flavored with kisses. Wrap in a mantle of charity, keep warm with a steady fire of domestic devotion. Serve often with peaches and cream. When thus prepared, husbands will keep for years.”

But getting back to our main topic–love–most readers will agree wholeheartedly with what we have stated thus far. There will be perfect agreement with the tenet that a person ought to know what real love is and be so well grounded in the knowledge that the true can be easily detected from the false.

Sound advice, all this is, for those who have not yet entered holy wedlock, but what about those already married who find the fires of love reduced to but smoldering embers, if not, as some protest, gone out completely?

To such persons we say that were it not within the power of man to “will to love,” there would be no solution to such a problem and most marriages would rarely remain happy for more than a few years at best. That it is not impossible to foster love for one’s husband or wife is being proven daily by thousands of thoughtful men and women who, while disillusioned as to the fitness of their match, nevertheless have forced themselves to look for the good and noble in each other, with the amazing result that a new understanding and respect has grown up between them.

No matter who it is, there is some loveliness in everyone that lurks undiscovered, and patient, kindly exploration will render it easily discernible and upon this a new comradeship can be born and fostered.

Always remember that the great bridge that now spans Niagara Falls first began with the spreading from side to side of a tiny wire. The wire was used to haul across a rope and at the end of the rope was a heavy cable, and so on until a bridge was begun that today supports the traffic of trains, cars, and honeymooners.

The point is that someone had to will that a bridge be built across Niagara Falls and from that will flowed the determination that provided the means for overcoming what appeared at first to be insurmountable obstacles.

The same holds true in marriage, and while one or both parties may not experience all the rapturous moments of happiness that they might have had had they chosen their life partner more wisely, consider that few marriages are a tale of uninterrupted bliss.

That everyone has within him the power “to will to love” is proved by the fact that in certain countries, in the past, there was no free choices of mates, and yet such a deep sense of the duty of loving was taught in the home–and not only a great and high sense of duty but the grandeur of loving–that the husband and wife usually managed to make a good job of mutually respecting one another.

So successful was this sort of thing that some wag–Lyttleton or Shaftesbury, I think–said: “Marriages would be happier if they were all arranged by the Lord Chancellor.”

The person who says, “I do not love my wife or my husband any more,” acknowledges simply that “the will to love” is absent. Such a person lacks good sportsmanship too, for a good sport will take pride in succeeding in every adventure, and marriage is one of life’s chief adventures.

Morton puts it this way: “In love, as in religion, faith worketh miracles.”

Whatever you do, give love time. “Love,” says Blucher, “is the river of life in this world. Think not that ye know it who stand at the little tinkling rill, the first small fountain. Not until you have gone through the rocky gorges and not lost the stream; not until you have gone through the meadow and the stream has widened and deepened until fleets could ride on its bosom; not until beyond the meadow you have come to the unfathomable ocean, and poured your treasures into its depths–not until then can you know what love is!”

And the measure of love? Mrs. Browning gave the world a wondrous formula:

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.

I love thee to the depth and breadth and height

My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight

For the ends of Being and Ideal Grace.

I love thee to the level of everyday’s

Most quiet need, by sun and candlelight.

I love thee freely, as men strive for Right;

I love thee purely, as they turn from Praise.

I love thee with the passion put to use,

In my old griefs, and with my childhood’s faith;

I love thee with a love I seemed to lose

With my lost saints,–I love thee with the breath,

Smiles, tears, of all my life!–and, if God choose,

I shall but love thee better after death.

There is every reason to believe that all the ancient Jewish customs were observed at the marriage in Cana. If that be true, Our

Blessed Lord and His Virgin Mother witnessed a most significant reminder of the fragility of love.

According to custom, from time to time during Jewish wedding feasts, someone would put somewhat of a check on the joyous festivities by shattering the wine glasses of the happy pair. The idea was to remind the bride and the groom that all felicity is subject to instability, and that love, like a glass once dashed to the ground, could be shattered into a thousand pieces–and were repair possible, the cracks would always show.

In this, as in so many other ways, the lessons of Cana are tremendous and Cana Is Forever.

“Your most powerful ally in your noble struggle for decency is your religion. It takes you by the hand, guiding you over the pitfalls that beset your way, and puts your feet safely upon the paths that lead to the sunlit mountain peaks of nobility of character and purity. Not only does it make clear the moral law and supply sanctions for its observance, but it offers you aids to carry out that law.” -Clean Love in Courtship, Fr. Lovasik https://amzn.to/2rk4yFl (afflink)

Make a statement with this lovely and graceful “Virgin Mother” handcrafted apron….fully lined….made with care. Aprons tell a beautiful story…..a story of love and sacrifice….of baking bread and mopping floors, of planting seeds and household chores. Sadly, many women have tossed the aprons aside and donned their business attire. Wear your apron with joy….it is a symbol of Femininity….”Finer” Femininity! 🌺 💗

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Women historically have been denigrated as lower than men or viewed as privileged. Dr. Alice von Hildebrand characterizes the difference between such views as based on whether man’s vision is secularistic or steeped in the supernatural. She shows that feminism’s attempts to gain equality with men by imitation of men is unnatural, foolish, destructive, and self-defeating. The Blessed Mother’s role in the Incarnation points to the true privilege of being a woman. Both virginity and maternity meet in Mary who exhibits the feminine gifts of purity, receptivity to God’s word, and life-giving nurturance at their highest.

You’ll learn how to grow in wisdom and in love as you encounter the unglamorous, everyday problems that threaten all marriages. As the author says: If someone were to give me many short bits of wool, most likely I would throw them away. A carpet weaver thinks differently. He knows the marvels we can achieve by using small things artfully and lovingly. Like the carpet weaver, the good wife must be an artist of love. She must remember her mission and never waste the little deeds that fill her day the precious bits of wool she s been given to weave the majestic tapestry of married love.

This remarkable book will show you how to start weaving love into the tapestry of your marriage today, as it leads you more deeply into the joys of love.

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Strive For Lasting Success

18 Monday Apr 2022

Posted by Leanevdp in FF Tidbits, Virtues, Youth

≈ 1 Comment

What is your measurement of success?  In this article, Father Garesche talks about striving for lasting success, success that is true and noble.

The Catholic Book of Character and Success by Fr. Edward F. Garesche

Before we speak of the means to achieve success, we should form a clear idea for ourselves as to what success means, in what it consists, for we cannot discuss the way sensibly unless we know where we are going.

Everyone who is not a fool desires success in life, but many fail to achieve it, even with their utmost effort, because they have not rightly conceived what really constitutes success.

A successful life is a life that achieves its purpose. Such a life is a happy one, even though its way may pass through suffering and difficulty, because happiness is one thing and pleasure another, and a person may have great pleasure and still be very unhappy, just as he may lack pleasure almost entirely and still be very happy.

What is the purpose of life?

The chorus of all generations of mankind, the general conclusion of history, is that the purpose of life is to do one’s duty to God and man, to make the most of one’s opportunities of service, to live virtuously, and thus enjoy the happiness here and hereafter that comes from such performance of duty.

I say this is the final conclusion of mankind. It is true that there are many individuals who put success in various forms of achievement. Some people look on success as the acquirement of great sums of money, and the reason they judge thus is that money means power; it means the acquirement of property and influence and the enjoyment of good things of this world. Hence, when men put success in business achievement, they confess that the good things of this world seem to them the way to happiness.

But is this so? A little reflection will show that it is not. Money is a means to an end, and very often a necessary means, because a man must live decently and must support his family, if he has one.

But some of the greatest failures in history have been those who have accumulated huge sums of money, but who have lacked moral principle and have been false to their duty; wherefore, they made gigantic failures.

The greatest persons of history have often been poor in material things, but they have always been rich in principle, in devotion to duty; otherwise they would have been not truly great.

There are others who have put success in the acquirement of honor or reputation, and here again they were wrong, because honor in itself is not so much in the person himself as in the thoughts of others. Honor does not bring a person lasting happiness.

Many a one has achieved immense reputation and then left, in his own writings, the record of his disillusionment and disappointment. It is not those who have achieved renown who are truly fortunate and happy, but those who have deserved honor by their virtue. What has been said of honor may be said, too, of power and influence.

These are not the real rewards of life. Here, again, many a man has succeeded in rising to great heights and yet made a failure of his life.

Remember the great Napoleon at St. Helena. He had climbed and fought to the peak of human greatness, and he left behind a name that will endure for many generations. Yet his career recalls at its end the saying of Solomon: “Vanity of vanities and all is vanity.”

Rather, it is the leading of a virtuous and upright life, the performance of one’s duties to God and man, the making the most of every opportunity for service, and the harmonious development of every faculty that make for real success in life and that lead to happiness here and a greater happiness hereafter.

You have only a few years in which to realize in your own person this end of dutiful service. To realize it, you may have to “scorn delights, and live laborious days”; you may be obliged to forget friendships, amusements, and even success, when these are against your conscience and your duty. But in this way, and in this way alone, lie true success and happiness.

 

“At a certain moment when going to confession to a Capuchin father, St. Therese came to understand that it was just the opposite: her defects did not displease God and her littleness attracted God’s love, just as a father is moved by the weakness of his children and loves them still more as soon as he sees their good will and sincere love.” -Fr. Jacques Philippe,The Way of Trust and Love http://amzn.to/2fpXVzl

 

 

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Should I Choose the Religious Life?

28 Monday Mar 2022

Posted by Leanevdp in Vocation, Youth, Youth's Pathfinder

≈ 1 Comment

In 2018 we went to the Benedictines of Mary, Queen of Apostles to be present at the Abbatial Blessing of Mother Cecilia, the first-ever consecration of a Benedictine Abbess in the Traditional Rite in the United States!

There was also First Professions and Investitures. It was a long ceremony (4 hours) but oh! so beautiful and inspiring!

They had the abbatial dedication of the Sisters’ new church the day before (almost 8 hours long) so it was a big weekend for the Nuns!

Here are a few pictures….

This big weekend was the inspiration for this post. Excellent advice from Fr. Fulgence Meyer, 1924 from Youth’s Pathfinder…

“Lord, what wilt Thou have me to do?” (Acts, 9: 6)

A number of our Catholic young men and young ladies, who are called by God to the priestly or religious state, remind one, in their attitude towards the divine call, of the Samaritan woman at the well of Jacob. When Jesus asked her for a drink she thought that she was to bestow a favor on Him, whereas in reality all the favor was to be hers.

Our Lord intimated this when He said to her: “If thou didst know the gift of God, and Who He is That saith to thee, Give me to drink; thou perhaps wouldst have asked of Him, and He would have given thee living water” (John, 4, 10).

Instead of deliberating whether they should favor God  by answering His call to the sanctuary or the convent, these young people should feel highly favored for being called at all.

But how is a girl to know, if she has a vocation for the convent or not? Before I give the answer to this question, I want to observe, not only to girls but also to young men, who may have a call to the convent or the priesthood. While the call to the priesthood is more sacred and consequently more distinct than the call to the religious life: still the general canons for distinguishing the relative vocations are about the same for both.

The call to the cloistral life may be extraordinary or ordinary. When it is extraordinary, it is manifested in an unusual manner, say by means of a personal supernatural revelation through a vision, a dream or some similar channel.

The subject of this revelation has no doubt and can have no doubt of its genuineness; yet he duly submits it to the judgment of his spiritual director before acting on it definitely. Several saints, for instance St. Paul, received their call in this way.

The Ordinary Way

Instances of this kind of vocation, however, have always been and are today very rare. They who are known to have been the beneficiaries of them, never sought, prayed for, or expected them. These vocations always came unsolicited and altogether unlooked for. Even some of the greatest saints and apostles of the Church, of both sexes, received their calls to the convent or the priesthood in the ordinary way.

This consists in a certain inclination to the life, together with a consciousness of having the qualifications of body and soul that are necessary to make a success of it.

The aforesaid inclination does not have to be an overwhelming and irresistible attraction that one sensibly feels for the consecrated life. It may be a mere leaning of the mind and heart towards it coupled with a will to embrace it even if the emotional nature should rebel against it with a degree of sensible repugnance, fear and revulsion.

The Will Is Lacking

If one, then, has the desire to follow the life, and possesses the corporal, mental, spiritual and moral properties to render it successful, there is every evidence of a vocation. There is nothing more required in addition, but that the person in question definitely resolve to follow the call, and make application to the superior of the convent or, respectively, to the bishop.

As soon as the superior receives the postulant in the community, or the bishop admits a young man to sacred orders, the call to the religious or priestly life is completed, and is as certain and secure as God desires it should be.

It is to be noted that, all other things being given, the will of the individual plays a large and decisive part in establishing a vocation, in pursuance of our Lord’s words: “If any man will come after Me.”

Usually, when true vocations do not mature, this will in the subject is lacking; and, alas, it is lacking in far too many of our Catholic young men and young ladies in the United States today.

You Must Take a Chance

The mistake many of them make is, they virtually and unconsciously, if not expressly and knowingly, look and wait for an unusual sign of vocation, when they are not entitled to it and will consequently never get it.

They are always about to be told by an angel or by our Lord Himself, in a dream or a vision, that they should enter the convent.

They delude themselves and ordinarily die unclothed with a religious garb. They should be satisfied to do as thousands of others have done and are doing, to their own and others’ temporal and eternal welfare, and follow the ordinary signs of vocation.

To use the usual phrase, God wants those who follow Him to take a chance, and to trust in His loving providence and generous fidelity for the future. And they who take this chance in abiding confidence and whole-souled attachment are never known to regret it ever so little.

Famous and Fortunate Chance-Takers

Abraham took a chance when he complied with God’s bidding, that he should leave his country and his kin. The apostles took a chance when Jesus, hardly known at the time, bade them to leave their boats and their nets and follow Him.

He never disappoints those who sincerely renounce everything to follow Him. But in every single case He makes good His grand and magnanimous promise:

“Amen, I say to you that you, who have followed Me, in the regeneration when the Son of man shall sit on the seat of His majesty, you also shall sit on twelve seats, judging the twelve tribes of Israel. And everyone that hath left house or brethren or sisters or father or mother or wife or children or lands, for My Name’s sake, shall receive a hundred fold, and shall possess life everlasting” (Matt., 19, 28, 29).

The Test Is Not Hard

Every girl, therefore, who feels inclined to convent life and is satisfied, that in view of her physical and moral qualifications she can make a good nun, especially if her judgment is supported by that of some other discreet and reliable person or persons, such as her parents, pastor, confessor, her nun teacher or nun friend and the like, is warranted in believing that she has the necessary vocation, and is at liberty to apply for admission in the cloister.

If the superior duly receives her, she need have no fear whatever regarding the genuineness of her vocation, even if she was never vouchsafed a revelation from on high in the form of a heavenly voice or apparition, telling her that her place was in the convent. These manifestations of vocation are, as has been said, most unusual and infrequent.

The best marks of a divine call are the ordinary ones, as a rule, for they are easier and surer discerned, and there is not so much danger of delusion in regard to them as there is respecting pretendedly extraordinary signs of vocation.

This is true, of course, in an equal degree of a young man contemplating the pursuit of the priestly or religious life.

 

“The Christian should be an alleluia from head to foot.” -St. Augustine

 

What is the easiest path to heaven? How do you know what is your vocation? Should you check out religious life first? Please say 3 Hail Marys for the priest….

 

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We must do everything we can, to not only return to modesty and purity in dress and behavior, but also to help others return to it through good example and knowledge. This is a guide, designed for girls who would like to please Our Lord more and make reparation for those who do not honor Him.

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“Don’ts” on Dates/Teenage Dating – Fr. Lovasik

15 Tuesday Mar 2022

Posted by Leanevdp in Clean Love in Courtship - Fr. Lovasik, Virtues, Youth

≈ 4 Comments

One living in this modern age may think this list is antiquated. I ask you, has human nature changed? Are the Ten Commandments still applicable? Are people still born with Original Sin?

No, sin and virtue are not antiquated, they are just as real as they were 100, 500, 2000 years ago.

Father Lovasik puts before us some specific guidelines on how to have a chaste courtship. How important this is! It lays the foundation to a healthy and wholesome marriage. And if the courtship ends because one or the other sees too many obstacles, there will be no regrets…

Just a note…

We don’t play the dating game. We avoid many pitfalls this way and it has worked out beautifully for seven couples! You can see this post, Chaperones, Again?, if you would like to know more.

That being said, this may not always be possible. So this list is excellent for all!

“Don’ts” on Dates

From Clean Love in Courtship by Fr. Lovasik

Though the following suggestions are directed mainly to girls, they are equally applicable to boys, inasmuch as boys will know what is expected of a decent girl and will cooperate with her in preserving her virtue.

I. Don’t forget that the chastity of your soul and your good name are your most precious possessions; protect them by mutual self-respect. Therefore, always keep your courtship on a high plane and follow a “hands-off” policy and by your manner give men to understand that your loveliness is not to be marred by unruly passion and sin.

II. Don’t permit expressions of love or friendship for another to be prolonged to the point of  danger of lust because all sexual pleasure outside marriage, that is directly willed, intentionally procured or accepted is a mortal sin. A selfish indulgence of your own passions regardless of the welfare of the one you “pretend” to love is not really love, but lust.

III. Don’t ever permit passionate kissing to mar your date, for true love is dominated by mutual respect for each other’s character, not by mere emotion, passion and lust.

IV. Don’t be so soft as to pay for an evening’s entertainment with cheap kisses, “necking” and” petting,” because a man who is not strong in chastity will probably take all you will give.

A decent man, even though he may be weak, does not respect that kind of girl. Don’t give a casual friend the caresses that belong only to the good Catholic man you will some day meet, who will be your husband and the father of your children.

V. Don’t be so imprudent and reckless as to date this one and that one without knowing anything about them beforehand. Avoid being alone with strangers.

VI. Don’t consent to keep company in a parked car, for darkness and seclusion are favorable conditions for sin.

VII. Don’t allow your escort to enter your home late at night after a date; this would subject both to danger and suspicion.

VIII. Don’t fall into the bad habit of permitting long “good nights” and “passionate goodnight kisses.” These have brought about the death of many a friendship and killed many a soul.

IX. Don’t encourage a young man to visit your home too frequently, or to protract his visits far into the night or early morning, to the discomfiture of your family and the detriment of your own and your health, virtue, and reputation.

Turning night into day three or four times a week in courtship is not a good recipe for the preservation of health or the increase of corporal fitness; this is particularly true if the long visits are accompanied with an emotional strain.

X. Don’t seek out or continue companionship with others whom you know to be inclined to evil jests and words. Never let your date be marred by a single filthy story, but show your displeasure at once.

XI. Don’t take part in dances that may be a source of temptation to yourself or others. In dancing, don’t hold your partner too tightly, lest you become an occasion or a cause of sin.

XII. Don’t go to see movies rejected by the Legion of Decency; even those that are partly objectionable should be avoided. (I wonder what the Legion of Decency would say to most movies young Catholics watch nowadays! -My note)

XIII. Don’t frequent taverns or roadhouses of questionable character; this is a disgrace to womanhood.

XIV. Don’t drink intoxicating liquor; it prepares the way for immorality by arousing the passions, blurring the mind, and weakening the will.

XV. Don’t dress unwisely so as to invite lustful interest, but becomingly, so as to accentuate your best gifts.

XVI. Don’t smoke, not because it is morally wrong, but because it cheapens your personality and detracts from your womanly charm.

XVII. Don’t hold to the opinion that the only enjoyable date is an expensive date. Real fun is found not on dates where a lot of things are done for you, but on dates where you are doing things together. Get interested in foursome or six some dates; they cut the need for adolescent lovemaking to a minimum.

XVIII. Don’t fail to avoid dangerous occupations in courtship, or permit yourselves to be too much alone. Rather, take part in healthy worth-while hobbies and pastimes which you find mutually delightful and in which you can indulge without loss of mutual esteem or virtue.

Enjoy good music; read and discuss worth-while literature; attend respectable dances and social pastimes, preferably such as are given under Catholic auspices and with proper supervision; frequent unobjectionable shows on the stage or on the screen; go on hikes with other young people and take an active interest in various wholesome sports.

XIX. Don’t be so snobbish as to think that the social activities of your parish church are not good enough for you. You should feel privileged and honored to contribute to others’ success by your presence and cooperation.

XX. Don’t get involved in a friendship that may result in a mixed marriage, for married life is difficult enough without having a difference of religion and moral outlook as a cause for further trouble, such as the question of divorce, birth control, Catholic education.

XXI. Don’t disregard the voice of your conscience upon returning from a date. If that voice is joyous and peaceful, your company-keeping is good and clean.

If it is sad, remorseful, accusing, something is wrong in your company-keeping, something that must be corrected at once or else the company-keeping must cease. The state of your conscience is a decisive test.

XXII. Don’t get serious about a boy who is not willing to prove himself by avoiding sin, especially impurity and drunkenness, frequenting the sacraments at least each month, and spending a reasonable amount of time in prayer daily.

Never think of marrying someone who will not be able to make you better for living with him, for the foundation of a happy marriage is a holy love which will enable you to aid each other to practice virtue and fulfill your duties.

XXIII. Don’t neglect to use the means of grace God has given you to keep pure. The best protection against falling a prey to one’s passions is regular Confession and frequent Holy Communion (preferably each week, or even daily), because these sacraments give you special actual graces to help you practice virtue and avoid sin.

Other aids are daily Holy Mass, the cultivation of will power through little acts of self-denial, the avoidance of dangerous occasions of sin, the counsel of one’s regular confessor, the reading of good books, the companionship of virtuous friends, the daily Rosary and frequent recourse to God and Our Lady in prayer.

Teen-age Dating

Dear Teenager:

Company-keeping prepares you for marriage. Every date has an influence upon your future. You sometimes need forcible reminders lest wild desire for fun bring tragedy. Right or wrong companions can make or break your life.

You should know exactly what is morally right and wrong on dates; this you will learn from the contents of this booklet. Though girls or boys don’t rush madly out to sins of impurity, all too often they are tricked into what they were not properly warned against.

Now God gave you a fourth commandment: “Thou shalt honor thy father and thy mother.” Your conscience tells you to obey your parents as God’s representatives. They are responsible for you.

They are right in fearing moral dangers from “solo” dates and friendships with doubtful characters. They also have a right and duty to make rules regulating your dates, because they really want to protect your fun and your future.

The best thing to do is sit down with your mother or father and talk things over. They are your best friends. Let them decide what is right or wrong.

Obey the rules they make concerning your life, and dating in particular. Keep in Mind the Following Simple Suggestions:

I. You must have permission for dates. Permission can be given on a general basis (every Friday night you may attend school games and parties); or on a date-by-date basis (you may go to the basketball dance next Saturday).

Your mother and father need not know each detail of dates, but they should have the general picture.

II. Always ask permission if you intend to be away all night; this should be only with families your parents know and trust.

III. Your parents have a right and duty to make some rules about cars and about the beginning and end of dates. The boy should call for the girl at her home, come in and meet the folks, bring her home and say good-bye (not at great length) at the door.

Prolonged farewells in cars easily become dangerous. It is sometimes best to keep your dates on a group basis, that is, house parties, dances, skating parties. Group dates can be frequent in high school; “solo” dates should be spaced out.

Too much dating can very soon breed violent infatuation. And familiarity breeds a lot more than contempt; it leads you into sin.

Silly “going steady” (exclusively with one boy or girl) has ruined many a promising youngster and even many a possible good marriage.

IV. Build up ideals in your mind. Obey rules because you are convinced they are sensible; this is far  better than blind or reluctant obedience. Obey and respect your parents because they have your welfare at heart and wish to please God and protect your future.

V. Your best assurance of a pure and happy youth is a close and tender friendship with Jesus and Mary. Such a friendship is fostered by at least monthly Confession, frequent Holy Communion(weekly, or even daily), regular prayer, especially the daily Rosary.

Undoubtedly youth is a most beautiful thing of itself. But, if you have in this tender flower, the shining whiteness of Christian purity, then you have human beauty displayed as something noble and exalted, attracting the admiration and imitation of those who see it.                     – Pope Pius XII

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This book consists of fifteen discourses (four on Sins of the Tongue, three on Envy and Jealousy, two on Rash Judgments, two on Christian Patience, and four on Grace) that were originally talks given to laywomen of his diocese in the late 19th century. At the beginning the good Archbishop says… I propose, my children, to give you some instructions on the tongue, and the faults which it causes us to commit. I shall commence today by speaking of the power and beauty of that organ, of the noble use which ought to be made of it, and of the many advantages we may derive from it… There is precious little teaching on the topics covered in these instructions which is accessible to the average man and woman of today.

If you want to make progress in the spiritual life, you can’t afford to miss the bracing insights in this handbook for souls who yearn to be kinder. They’ll give you years of solid help in overcoming sin so that you’ll live more fully with others and truly transform your corner of the world!

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Christian Youth Must be God-Fearing and Dutiful

04 Thursday Nov 2021

Posted by Leanevdp in True Men As We Need Them, Youth

≈ 1 Comment

From True Men as We Need Them, Fr. Bernard O’Reilly, 1890’s

Whatever else our young men may be, when formed at home by good parents, and trained in Christian schools by God-fearing and accomplished masters, they will be at least conscientious and God-fearing themselves.

This is the first and greatest need of our age.

They will be also dutiful and high-minded, for the young man whose soul from childhood has been filled with that lofty sense of duty, as of a sacred, indispensable, and ennobling obligation due to the Most High God, will be disposed to discharge every office entrusted to him, as if he were immediately accountable to the Divine Majesty.

Hence everything shall be done perfectly, because done for the sake of Him who is the most loving of Fathers, and the most generous of benefactors.

High-minded must ever be the men who are penetrated with duty, and act upon such lofty motives. He who beholds the Infinitely Great and Holy in every person to whom he is bound to yield lawful obedience, will not feel himself degraded in being subordinate to those who may be his own inferiors in birth, in education, and refinement.

He will not fulfill his duty conscientiously, or go even beyond his duty in his endeavor to do well, because he is ambitious to obtain praise, or fearful of incurring blame. He is only supremely desirous of pleasing One who values the loving wish much more even than the perfect performance.

And this high-mindedness will be thus a safeguard against that baneful and tyrannical human respect, which is so apt to make old people as well as young omit the good they ought to do, and do the evil their conscience condemns, lest they should draw on themselves the displeasure, the ridicule, or the vain judgments of bad men.

The dutiful and the high-minded will ever be the faithful, the trustworthy, true to the death, because true to God and to themselves.

Pressing and Present Need of the High-Minded and Dutiful

Surely there is great need of such in our day. And because they are thus dutiful and true—they will be diligent, laborious, persevering, self-denying, and self-reliant, because placing their main dependence on the All-Mighty and putting forth to please Him, in their every work and endeavor, their whole strength and industry.

Such men are—everything taken into account—the best calculated to succeed. And such men—be they born ever so lowly—are God’s true gentlemen—the men whom all are forced to respect—because they are incapable of meanness, fraud, or untruthfulness.

These are a few only of the features of the True Man so needed in all countries and at all periods of the world’s history, but especially needed at a time when noble living will avail infinitely more to save religion and society than eloquent discoursing or the most learned and beautiful writing.

Yes, the road of true manliness and unblemished honor which we are to travel over together, leads up by steep and toilsome paths to the only reward worthy of gentle souls.

Like the maiden-knight of the ideal Christian chivalry, if we would keep our souls pure, and win the ecstatic joy of coming to close communion with the veiled Majesty of our Father, we must be ready to do and bear what the crowd recoil from.

“I leave the plain, I climb the height;

No branchy thicket shelter yields;

But blessed forms in whistling storms

Fly o’er waste fens and windy fields.

A maiden-knight—to me is given

Such hope, I know not fear;

I yearn to breathe the airs of heaven

That often meet me here.

I muse on joy that will not cease,

Pure spaces clothed in living beams,

Pure lilies of eternal peace,

Whose odors haunt my dreams;

And, stricken by an angel’s hand,

This mortal armor that I wear,

This weight and size, this heart and eyes,

Are touched, are turned to finest air.”  —Tennyson, Sir Galahad

The Devil exults most when he can steal a man’s joy of spirit from him. He carries a powder with him to throw into any smallest possible chinks of our conscience, to soil the spotlessness of our mind and the purity of our life. But when spiritual joy fills our hearts, the Serpent pours out his deadly poison in vain. – St. Francis of Assisi

 

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Since the father in the home takes the place of God, this book gives the ideals of true manhood and in an easy-to-read and enjoyable way. It helps the father reach those ideals. Unhappiness and home destroyers are discussed, along with their solutions. Also discussed is paternal authority. There are chapters on boyhood, matrimony and “Obstacles to true Manliness.” Finally, to make the book complete, different occupations of men are discussed to include the Laboring Man, The Business Man, “The Toilers of the Pen”, The Statesman, and The Professional Man. It is rare to find a book, written for men, that so fully helps men to reach their ideals in life. Any man will be able to profit from this excellent and instructional book designed to help one grow spiritually.

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Before Embarking – Christ in the Home

25 Monday Oct 2021

Posted by Leanevdp in Christ in the Home - Fr. Raoul Plus S.J., Vocation, Youth

≈ 1 Comment

From Christ in the Home by Fr. Raoul Plus, S.J.

Whoever desires to marry ought to prepare himself for that great step:

–First of all, by preserving chastity.

–Then, by praying much for his future home and family.

By preserving chastity: Whoever cannot see the need for this will not be likely to understand the need for anything. But one must be able to see the need for more than this, to desire more.

The practice of purity in its entirety involves not only the avoidance of serious wrongdoing harmful to the integrity of the body but also whatever sullies imagination, thought or desire.

Consequently questionable companions, flirtations, and imprudent reading are out of the question. Custody of the eyes is essential. Death enters in through the windows of the body. Eve and David both sinned through their eyes.

For certain temperaments, such vigilance demands great generosity. No one can deny it.

“The good is more difficult than the evil,” wrote Paul Claudel in response to Jacques Riviere who had explained that to remain pure was difficult. “But there is a return. The good opens up before us incomparable horizons because it alone is in keeping with our reality, our nature, our life and our vocation. This is particularly true where love is concerned. How ridiculous the romantic fever of a purely fleshly love seems to me!”

Sensing the old classic objection in his correspondent, Claudel took the offensive:

“As for the emotional cramping Christianity imposes upon you, I can scarcely understand what you mean. When you speak of sins, I suppose you refer to sins of the flesh, because I cannot imagine that you have any tendency to drunkenness, avarice, acts of violence or similar things.

“The first answer to your difficulty is that when we become Christians, it is not for our pleasure or personal comfort, and further, if God does us the honor of asking sacrifice of us, there is nothing to do but consent with joy.

“The second answer is that these sacrifices amount to very little or practically nothing. We are still living in the old romantic idea that the supreme happiness, the greatest interest, the only delight of existence consists in our relations with women and in the sensual satisfactions we get from them.

But we forget one fact, the fact that the soul, the spirit, are realities just as strong, just as demanding as the flesh–even more so; we forget that if we accord to the flesh everything it demands, we shall do so with the consequent loss of other joys, other regions of delight which will be eternally closed for us.

We shall be draining a glass of bad wine in a hovel or in a drawing room and be unmindful of that virginal sea which stretches out before others under the rising sun.”

How splendidly Shakespeare has expressed the same thoughts:

What win I, if I gain the thing I seek?
A dream, a breath, a froth of fleeting joy.
Who buys a minute’s mirth to wail a week?
Or sees eternity to get a toy?
For one sweet grape who will the wine destroy?
Or, what fond beggar, but to touch the crown,
Would with the sceptre straight be strucken down?
(Rape of Lucrece, Stanza 31)

This is also what Saint Augustine has written in his own
epigrammatic style:” momentaneum quod delectat, aeternum
quod cruciat:.
One instant of pleasure, an eternity of
suffering….”

Let me examine my own soul. Have I come to marriage entirely chaste? Chaste in body? Chaste in thought? Chaste in heart?

If my answer is Yes, then I must thank God. It is a choice grace.

If my answer is No, then what can I do to make reparation, to obtain from God the grace of entire fidelity to my duty, from now on?
In addition to the preservation of chastity, the person aspiring to marriage has a second great duty–to pray much.

An old proverb wisely states, “Before embarking on the sea, pray once. Before leaving for war, pray twice. Before marrying, pray three times.”

And this necessity of praying more before marriage than before a voyage or a battle is evident for several reasons.

Consider the risk of associating oneself closely with a creature who has many limitations; with a creature about whom one knows very little particularly in the matter of shortcomings, since during the period of courtship and betrothal one unconsciously does everything not to reveal himself; with a creature whom one loves with all one’s heart but who possesses not only lovable traits, but also faults which can cause suffering; with a creature who can bestow the greatest joy, but who can also unfortunately inflict the deepest pain.

Furthermore, in order to bear joys as well as possible trials, do we not need much help from God? And to obtain this help, must we not pray much?

Another reason for the necessity of such prayer when one desires to establish a home is that from a union once sanctioned by the Church and consummated there is no possible withdrawal.

It is a choice which is definitely established. For two changeable human beings to dare to bind themselves to each other forever in a relationship so intimate as the realities of marriage, is not God’s sustaining help a prime requisite? And to obtain this help is it not necessary to pray much?

Has my life before marriage been one of sanctification and of prayer in preparation for my marriage? Or have I confided solely in the human merits existing on both sides and neglected to place under God’s protection the union I was about to contract?

If I have been neglectful, I must make up for it now. There is still time.

If, on the contrary, I prayed much before my marriage, I may not leave off earnest prayer now that I am married. The greater the place God holds in my life, the greater can be my assurance that my home shall be supernaturally happy and, without a doubt, humanly happy as well.

“To you, O Mary, my good Mother, I confide my marriage and my home. It seems that marriage is the means of sanctification destined for me by God as it is for the chosen soul whom you have given me.

Together we shall do our best to glorify God–this is our firm resolution.

Bless us, help us, strengthen us. Sailors call you Stella Maris. Be for us, too, the Star of the Sea and keep us safe throughout our crossing; we put under your care our vessel and its crew. You shall be the Queen on board ship.”

Prayer to the Archangel Raphael for a Marriage Partner:

Glorious Saint Raphael, Patron and lover of the young, I feel the need of call­ing to you and of pleading for your help. In all confidence I open my heart to you to beg your guidance and assistance in the important task of planning my future. Obtain for me through your intercession the light of God’s grace so that I may de­cide wisely concerning the person who is to be my partner through life. Angel of Happy Meetings, lead us by the hand to find each other. May all our movements be guided by your light and transfigured by your joy. As you led the young Tobias to Sara and opened up a new life of happi­ness with her to holy marriage, lead me to such a one whom in your angelic wisdom you judge best suited to be united with me in marriage.

Saint Raphael, loving Patron of those seeking a marriage partner, help me in this supreme decision of my life. Find for me as a help‑mate in life the person whose character may reflect some of the traits of Jesus and Mary. May he (she) be up­right, loyal, pure, sincere and noble, so that with united efforts and with chaste and unselfish love we both may strive to perfect ourselves in soul and body, as well as the children it may please God to en­trust to our care.

Saint Raphael, Angel of chaste court­ship, bless our friendship and our love that sin may have no part in it. May our mutual love bind us so closely that our future home may ever be most like the home of the Holy Family of Nazareth. Offer your prayers to God for the both of us and obtain the blessing of God upon our marriage, as you were the herald of blessing for the marriage of Tobias and Sara.

Saint Raphael, Friend of the young, be my Friend, for I shall always be yours. I desire ever to invoke you in my needs. To your special care I entrust the decision I am to make as to my future husband (wife). Direct me to the person with whom I can best cooperate in doing God’s Holy Will, with whom I can live in peace, love, and harmony in this life, and attain to eternal joy in the next. Amen. 

In honor of Saint Raphael: Our Father. Hail Mary. Glory Be.

Our Lady of the Angels, pray for us!

 

This is a unique book of Catholic devotions for young children. There is nothing routine and formal about these stories. They are interesting, full of warmth and dipped right out of life. These anecdotes will help children know about God, as each one unfolds a truth about the saints, the Church, the virtues, etc….

Review: “I’ve long been wanting a book on various virtues to help my children become better Catholics. But most books focused on the virtues make being bad seem funny or attractive in order to teach the child a lesson. I’ve always found them to be detrimental to the younger ones who’s logic hasn’t formed. This book does an awesome job in showing a GOOD example in each of the children with all the various struggles children commonly struggle with (lying, hiding things, being grumpy, you name it.) But this book isn’t JUST virtue training… it’s also just sweet little chats about our love for God, God’s greatness, etc…
And the best thing of all? They are SHORT! I have lots of books that are wonderful, but to be honest I rarely pick them up because I just don’t have the time to read a huge, long story. These are super short, just one page, and very to the point. The second page has a poem, picture, a short prayer and a few questions for the kids to get them thinking. It works really, really well right before our bedtime prayers and only takes a few minutes at most.
If you like “Leading the Little ones to Mary” then you will like these… they are a little more focused on ALL age groups, not just little ones… so are perfect for a family activity even through the teenage years, down to your toddler.”

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A masterpiece that combines the visions of four great Catholic mystics into one coherent story on the life of the Blessed Virgin Mary. Based primarily on the famous revelations of Ven. Anne Catherine Emmerich and Ven. Mary of Agreda, it also includes many episodes described in the writings of St. Bridget of Sweden and St. Elizabeth of Schenau. To read this book, therefore, is to share in the magnificent visions granted to four of the most priviledged souls in the history of the Church.

In complete harmony with the Gospel story, this book reads like a masterfully written novel. It includes such fascinating details as the birth and infancy of Mary, her espousal to St. Joseph and her Assumption into Heaven where she was crowned Queen of Heaven and Earth.

For young and old alike, The Life of Mary As Seen by the Mystics will forever impress the reader with an inspiring and truly unforgettable understanding of the otherwise unknown facts concerning Mary and the Holy Family. Imprimatur.

He was called the man of his age, the voice of his century. His influence towered above that of his contemporaries, and his sanctity moved God himself. Men flocked to him–some in wonder, others in curiosity, but all drawn by the magnetism of his spiritual gianthood. Bernard of Clairvaux–who or what fashioned him to be suitable for his role of counseling Popes, healing schisms, battling errors and filling the world with holy religious and profound spiritual doctrine? Undoubtedly, Bernard is the product of God’s grace. But it is hard to say whether this grace is more evident in Bernard himself or in the extraordinary family in which God choose to situate this dynamic personality. This book is the fascinating account of a family that took seriously the challenge to follow Christ… and to overtake Him. With warmth and realism, Venerable Tescelin, Blesseds Alice, Guy, Gerard, Humbeline, Andrew, Bartholomew, Nivard and St. Bernard step off these pages with the engaging naturalness that atttacks imitation. Here is a book that makes centuries disappear, as each member of this unique family becomes an inspiration in our own quest of overtaking Christ.

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Becoming An Adult the Easy Way

20 Wednesday Oct 2021

Posted by Leanevdp in The Catholic Youth's Guide to Life and Love, Youth

≈ 3 Comments

The message is clear. Father Kelly reminds the young adult that they have to follow the rules like everyone else….no, they are not the exception. And that choosing the ideal will lead them to success in their lives….

The Catholic Youth’s Guide to Life and Love, Rev. George A. Kelly

In this business of life that you’ll devote yourself to for the next forty or fifty years, you’ll face of thousands of situations which demand your decision. The “in-between” stage of adolescence you’re now in is the time when you should learn to take on these responsibilities of adulthood, and to begin to find the answers to your problems for yourself.

As an adult you’ll make decisions about the kind of work you do in life, the person you marry, how you’ll educate your children, where you’ll live, how you’ll plan for your own and your family’s future, and thousands of other questions.

Obviously, you want to make these decisions successfully. By successfully, I don t mean that you’ll come up with the right answers all the time, but your batting average should be good enough to let you feel that you’re not a miserable flop.

Four principles to guide you.

You won’t be too far off the beam at any given time if you bear a few basic principles in mind. I stress these because, almost without fail, those having a hard time in some part of their lives—the poor student, the person who can’t make or keep friends, the man who can’t get a job, and others who can’t latch on to a successful way of living – all fail because they can’t or won’t accept four principles which apply to us all.

These principles may be difficult for you to accept – they are, for many people. But once you accept them and use them in your everyday affairs, you’ll find that you can do things easier than you’ve ever done them before.

On the other hand, if you won’t face these four fundamentals, you’ll continually do things the hard way—-experiencing difficulties in many areas of your life, unable to make the progress that others around you are achieving.

Some people fight these ideas I’m about to express. But they’re batting their heads against a stone wall. Because it’s not until they’re willing to accept them that they begin to make a success of their lives. Some sad souls never learn them. They go to their graves miserably wondering why they lacked what it takes to be happy. And blame everyone else but themselves.

You’re not greatly different from everybody else.

Of course, you have an individual soul and mind. No one in the world is quite like you, nor has anyone been quite like you since time began. You’re a distinct, unique individual.

But you’re more like other people than you are unlike them. Thank God for it! Otherwise man could never make progress. When you were born, the doctor could be confident in what he is doing: he knew that your birth would be like that of other babies. When you were first fed, your mother could give you food that would help your growth, because babies generally all need the same kind of nourishment.

When you become ill, the same medicines that cured other people are used to cure you.

The fact that you’re basically like others makes a teacher’s job easier. For instance: most seven-year-olds are ready to read. So forty children can march into a classroom and learn together. Imagine how fouled up schools would be if one learned to read at two, and another didn’t begin until he was twelve.

You’re also like others in the characteristics of your soul.

Example: We all have a conscience which tells us the difference between right and wrong. What a crazy world it would be if your conscience told you that it was okay to lie and steal, my conscience said it was okay to dishonor my parents, and another’s conscience said it was right to commit adultery!

But fortunately we’re alike: we all have the same instinctive knowledge of what God wants us to do.

Why is this point so important? Simply because we must understand that regulations for other people apply to ourselves as well. We can’t think that somehow, some way, conditions that apply to others don’t apply to us.

I’ve watched many young people move on to successful lives and others who’ve been failures. Some of the latter make a mess of everything—job, marriage, parenthood. Almost without exception, those who win success do so because they abide by the rules.

The failures, consciously or otherwise, can’t accept the fact that they must live by conditions that affect everybody else.

Let me explain. Three years ago, Jim and Ed were high school sophomores. Both were C students, doing just enough to get by. One day, they were given a guidance lecture.

They heard they had better get on the ball if they hoped to go to college because more and more youngsters were trying to get in. They also were told that the man without a college degree now was finding more and more doors to careers closed to him.

The moral was plain. Jim decided that he’d better work his average up to where he’d be accepted by the college he had his eyes on.

Ed heard the same talk, but thought he’d be the exception – the C student who could land in any college he chose. He couldn’t or wouldn’t accept the fact that he wasn’t something very special.
Jim’s now in college. Ed isn’t. His marks were so low he has no chance of gaining admission anywhere. Too late, he has discovered that the rules that apply to other people, also apply to him.

One Saturday night recently a speeding car with a drunken driver at the wheel became involved in an accident. Four people were killed. Everybody old enough to drive has read many times that a drinking driver takes a terrible gamble. Why, then, does the driver who drinks risk his life? Just because he believes that he’s the glorious exception to the rule.

Divorce courts also are packed with people who think they’re exceptions—the ones who can beat the odds. Here’s a woman who became an older man’s fourth wife. She knew that three others had failed to live happily with him, and that he must be difficult to get along with.

Here’s a man who married a beautiful girl without a brain in her head.  He’d heard many times it takes more than sexual attraction to make marriage happy.

Over there is a woman married to a man still tied to his mother’s apron strings. She’d been warned that such a man was immature and a poor risk – that chances of making a successful adjustment with him would be mighty slim.

How much heartbreak all these people would have avoided had they set out in life determined to follow the rules which have been found to apply to virtually all human beings.

These rules are the voice of experiences. You wouldn’t jump off a tall building, walk in front of an oncoming railroad locomotive, or hold a loaded pistol to your head while you pulled the trigger. You’d know that such actions would kill you.

While most of us accept the fact that we’re physically like others, we like to think that we have different personalities, different qualities which somehow enable us to overcome obstacles which stand in the way of other people.

Any number of psychological tests have proved, however, that all people have the same basic needs.

It probably hurts us to admit that, under the skin, we’re not much different from other people—especially people we don’t like. We all like to consider ourselves as being one of a kind, with instincts, aspirations and abilities unmatched by any other human. It takes humility to admit that we’re like other people.

But once you accept that fact, you’ll make tremendous strides in your personal life. You’ll find your future lined with guideposts to help you reach your goals. You’ll find help in solving every problem you face.

You’ll be able to follow the best rules for your good health, to choose your vocation wisely, to avoid pitfalls which might cause you to make a bad marriage.

You’ll learn that most important requirement—how to get along with other people.

God’s love is personal and individual. Each of us has every right to say: “God loves me as he loves nobody else in the world!” God does not love two people in the same way because it is actually His love that creates our personality, a different personality for each. “There is a much greater difference between people’s souls than between their faces,” says St. Teresa of Avila. -Fr. Jacques Philippe

This Advent journal is for busy moms who need a little help making this season special within the home. It will help you stay on track and be consistent with the customs you have decided to incorporate within your four walls.I have broken it down into bite-sized tidbits that, when laid out for you, will be easy to accomplish. As you check each item off you will get a sense of fulfillment knowing you are getting done what is truly important in this expectant season! The other things will get done….but first things first! Available here. Advent package available here.

Printable available here.
“There are few works to aid Catholic women in becoming the saints they desire to be. Motherhood is a sacred state of life and an excellent place to become a great saint. How many of our great saints had saintly mothers about whom little is said. And yet without saintly mothers, the world would become a den of iniquity. We offer this book in the hope of inspiring women to become saints.” -Available here.

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Tea-Time With Finer Femininity ~ Modesty, Clothing, Single Life

15 Friday Oct 2021

Posted by Leanevdp in Singles, Tea-Time With FinerFem - Questions/My Answers, Youth

≈ 22 Comments

I get questions from you now and again and I think the answers could be beneficial to others and so I have posted them here….I have changed some words to protect anonymity.

Disclaimer: If in doubt with anything I say, please check with your spiritual director. He knows you and your situation and has the grace of state to advise you.

Question:  Have you or your daughters got any tips for me on how to have to confidence to wear in college the dresses and skirts which I love to wear, without worrying about how others might look at me as though I have seven heads…. if you know what I mean?

Answer: I reached out to my girls and these are the answers they provided…

Jeanette: Sometimes people may feel judged by what others wear because they feel guilty. So kindness and charity are huge because if she works on that it will make her confident. People will actually respect her more and not think she is doing it to judge or because she is better but because it’s who she is as a beautiful person!

Theresa: I would just say hold your head up high, look beautiful and don’t care what other people think. You will probably end up being very respected. All our lives we can let other people opinions bother us, but it’s just not worth it. There is no reason for people to feel judged or affronted, if you hold yourself with dignity and treat everybody kind. Even those that are unkind to you.

Elizabeth: It’s a personal conviction. You have to just make up your mind to do it. Cheerfulness and kindness will win over her peers. And the haters just need a silent Hail Mary. They have often been raised in ugliness and don’t understand.

Gin: College is a very difficult scene these days. I think the best thing she could do is get on some modesty forums or some sort of group where they uphold and love dressing in skirts and dresses. That way she can have some sort of support group when she has to enter the college scene. It’s good to have back up and a place where she can get support if she doesn’t have it in the people around her….

Me: I started wearing dresses in my early twenties. I had support around me because I was working at a Catholic Shrine. That doesn’t mean it was easy. I still went home to visit and went on a trip with my best friend for a couple weeks soon after I made the commitment. She was very kind but probably thought I had grown seven heads!

Like the rosary in my life, it was a commitment. So, in spite of the naysayers, I didn’t back down. It was very important, though, to surround myself with like-minded people. You need the support. So…like Gin said, get on some modesty forums. If anyone has any suggestions, please leave a comment here.

Question: I just love when you post your family life galleries! Couple of questions…maybe they are for your daughters? Where do they find longer skirts and dresses for their daughters (your granddaughters)? Do they sew most of these items? Finding items like those for my 11 year old girl has been such a challenge! Also, all the females in your family always have the loveliest, feminine hairstyles. Are these from your own inspirations, or do any of you have any resources/tutorials you could direct me to?

Answer: We get most of our clothes from our lovely Coffee Shop/Thrift Store we have mentioned before ~ God’s Storehouse. We are fortunate to have it close by, they make the effort to continually bring in new items so there are always fresh clothing to pick from.

Gin and Margy sew and have made their own skirts and dresses. But most of them still come from the Thrift Store. Gin is also quite savvy at getting clothes off Ebay. So that could be an option, too.

Every once in a while they get a skirt they like, but is too short. So they add material on to the bottom. This is a pain but worth it if they have found something they really like. You can look up tutorials on this.

As far as the grandchildren go, simple skirts can be easy to make. Gin has done some of this for each of her nieces. She also makes them dresses here and there. I know she was sewing like crazy before the Festival to give some of her nieces the dresses she had made. But for the most part, the girls look out for dresses and skirts from the Thrift Shop.

As far as hairstyles….some of my girls are so good at this! I wish I had the ability but I have never been much of a “hair person”. “Wash and wear” is my motto! That being said, I know they have watched some Youtubes and looked on Pinterest. I just asked this question to Gin the other day and she said to look at “updos” on Pinterest.

And then just practice. I know that’s what it takes. I see them whip their hair up so fast and it looks just lovely. You should see when I try to do that…quite amusing…I would give Phyllis Diller a run for her money 😉 !

Each night, before the Shakespeare Festival (and there were 6 nights of it) we went through the routine. I asked Rosie if she could do my hair, went and got all my hair stuff, sat down, braids, curls, waves abounded and then got up looking like my hair should be in a magazine! One of those evenings, when I asked her AGAIN, Rosie said with a sigh…”Mom, you’re SO high maintenance”. I chuckled and replied with a shrug, “I know.”

Anyway, I digress. I will ask the girls for more info on this one and if they have some good suggestions, I will post them for you.

Question: I was hoping you might be able to offer some advice. I have struggled with some serious health problems when I was younger. Through prayer and Masses, I have improved. I entered a convent but, unfortunately, my health took a spiral downward. I still desire a chaste, single life. Any advice?

Answer: This is a question that is close to my heart. Let me tell you first, we feel your pain with dealing with health problems. We have struggled so much with Rosie. Although she can work now, she has headaches every day and is not sure what God has in mind for her.
So we have had this sort of conversation, many times.
When Rosie left the convent, her beautiful “Sister” mentor told her that if she still wished to live a single life in the world…it may be a good thing to wear some kind of a “habit” ~ simple and not outlandish, to help her own inward decision and to be a statement to those around her.
I would not do this without the advice of a good, balanced priest. The single life in the world is a hard vocation and needs much discernment. But I don’t think any “vow” needs to be made, at least certainly not at first, so the path can change later if God’s will is shown in another vocation. In other words, this “decision” doesn’t have to be permanent and can be tried out. Once again, through the advice of a spiritual director.
There is so much that can be done in this world as a single person. Prayer and sacrifice, helping at the parish, helping mothers of large families, starting a Catholic group for girls, etc.
It is what I tell any single person…those waiting for “Mr. Right” and those who just aren’t sure what their vocation is yet..Spend your time learning about the Faith and about those things that interest you, spend time doing good for others, working hard, praying hard and God will open the doors for you along the way.
Ask Our Lord to purify your intentions and keep growing…in grace and in love. It is what life is about…this continual growth each day.
This is a good book for those looking at this vocation…the single life. Although I have not read the whole book, I have liked what I have read. Please, though, if you have questions or doubts about anything in it, get advice. It is the best way to stay on track!

Let him know you appreciate all the little things he does. It is easy to just expect things from him, with nary a thanks or a smile. This is not the way to nurture a relationship. Go the extra mile….always be grateful…..and let him know that you are! ❤️

Doilies by Rosie!

These are beautiful, lacy, handmade doilies made with size 10 crochet cotton. They have been blocked and starched and are ready to decorate and accent your home decor.
 
“The quality & workmanship of this crocheted doily is suburb! And the beauty even more so–I am so happy to be able to purchase a handmade doily just as lovely as my grandma used to make…” Available here.



  • Warm up with this delicious assortment of autumn inspired teas
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  • A sweet and spicy black tea

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