Being Selfish is NOT Okay

20 Tuesday Sep 2022

Posted by Leanevdp in Femininity vs Feminist, Loving Wife

Femme Elegante II by Andrea Laliberte

From: The Good Wife’s Guide: Embracing Your Role as a Helpmeet by Darlene Schacht

While switching channels one day, I happened upon an interview. Since they were talking about family, it caught my attention so I paused to listen.

“Family… children…” I heard those words. Could she have the same passion and convictions as I? I turned up the volume anxious to hear more.

Unfortunately what I heard didn’t resemble Christian living by any stretch of the imagination. In fact it was so absurd that I turned the television off and considered cutting cable altogether.

My stomach was in knots over the attitude of acceptance that prevailed in this interview and the fact that they let this guest have air time.

After working overseas for a few months, this woman simply decided that she didn’t want to be a mother any longer. She walked away from her two children (ages 3 and 5) and her husband of 20 years to build a career.

While away, she missed her kids, but she “didn’t miss when they were throwing up seven times during the middle of the night, and getting a call asking, ‘Can you wash pillows?’”

What has this world come to when children are discarded like items on a yard sale table? When we say, “I don’t want to handle the responsibility that comes with being a parent, so I’ll step away—while someone else carries my load.”

It’s one thing to buy a pair of boots and change your mind a month or two down the road; it’s an entirely different thing to walk away from responsibility because life isn’t what we hoped it would be.

“Everybody has their own choices,” she said, “but my choice works for us and I think it’s not so selfish for women to say “Okay, I would like to have my own priority, I would like to have something in my life. I would like to be able to do my job.’”

“Not so selfish?” Is she serious?

That statement is the very definition of the word selfish: Devoted to or caring only for oneself; concerned primarily with one’s own interest, benefits, welfare, etc., regardless of others. (Dictionary.com)

As wives and mothers we can and should have our own interests, but when our primary concern is our “self” to the point that we become our first priority, we have given in to a selfish nature that isn’t lined up with scripture.

Unselfish Love

Everyone has the right to make their own choices—we do, but when those choices affect the welfare of children, we as a society should be moral enough to stand up against these ideas and teach women that being selfish is not “okay.”

Titus 2 exhorts women to love their children and to be keepers of the home. That doesn’t mean that we can’t have our own interests or earn extra money, but it does mean that we are to prioritize family because that’s what love does.

Love is not self-seeking. When you truly love someone you get up in the middle of the night to wash pillows, regardless of how much those sheets stink, or how tired you are.

The Problem – Or Is It?

In 1963, Betty Friedan published a book called The Feminine Mystique. For only .75 cents a copy, women would find the answers to “the problem that has no name.” This book was the catalyst for the second–and what appears to be the most damaging–wave of women’s liberation.

“The problem is always being the children’s mommy, or the minister’s wife and never being myself.”- Feminine Mystique, Chapter 1

Apparently there was a “problem” that was plaguing housewives of the day, and according to the author, this problem could be fixed. If women turned inward and began to focus on their needs, their careers, and their happiness, they would find the happiness and sexual fulfillment they had been missing out on all along.

Since the author wasn’t able to give “the problem” a name–let me. It’s called, “sacrificial love,” and according to the Bible, it’s the only love worth giving.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.

Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.Was there really a “problem” or were a few women creating an issue that didn’t exist?

I pray that women today will step up and realize the fallacy that this teaching offers. Seeking fulfillment by putting our own needs ahead of others brings temporal highs that fade quickly.

If you’re seeking true joy with long-lasting results, it can only be found by building virtue upon faith. That’s where you’ll find fulfillment, and that’s where you’ll find your true purpose in life.

Turning Back the Clock

I’m not always politically correct. But as you might have noticed, that doesn’t stop me from sharing what I see as truth.

I’ve been accused of single-handedly turning back the clock on women’s rights, and I can see where that accusation is coming from. Joyfully serving your family? Submitting to your husband? Letting him be the head of your household?

These ideas are fading into the past as modern women would prefer to wear the proverbial pants in the family–or at least a matching pair.

I’d like to address the question on everyone’s lips, “Why should husbands get the final say?” I’ll start by saying this; letting him have the final say doesn’t mean that you can’t have a discussion and share your ideas.

A good marriage should have channels of communication by which husbands and wives both offer ideas and determine solutions. There should be mutual respect where both parties give and take of each other’s thoughts. And there needs to be an attitude of acceptance where both a man and his wife can offer their voice.

But at the end of the day, he gets the executive vote. But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God. ~ 1 Corinthians 11:3.

More importantly than the obvious fact that men and women are different, the reason we submit to our husbands is because we are commanded in scripture to do so.

God’s wisdom doesn’t always sit right with mankind, and it doesn’t have to.
Faith tells me that His wisdom exceeds mine and therefore I put my trust in His infallible Word. Yes, that’s politically incorrect, and to some it may be viewed as turning back the clock on women’s rights. I get that.

But really, what are the rights of a woman? Better said, what are the rights of mankind? Certainly we’re given our constitutional rights, but who gives us those rights? The way I look at scripture, we’re given one right and only one–the ability to choose. Anything and everything else we are given is grace.

If that’s turning back the clock on women’s rights, then I say turn it back and keep turning it back until men and women accept scripture as truth that is both applicable and beneficial to families today.

And if it seem evil unto you to serve the LORD, choose you this day whom ye will serve… but as for me and my house, we will serve the LORD.

“Think of the Queen of Heaven and Lady of the World as humble housewife at the same time that she is mother and caretaker of God’s Son. It makes me sigh of tenderness, fills me with goodwill and love for the small and great chores of the home. How fragrant would be the robes that this pure lily washed. How tasty would be the food her delicate hands prepared. From her holy lips, not a whisper, no complaint or claim, only praise and sweet words. A life of worship and continuous obedience, in the freedom of those who choose to love – were she to kneel in prayer or clean the floor.” -Veronica Mendes, A Mulher Forte

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This booklet contains practical advice on the subjects of dating and choosing a spouse from the Catholic theological viewpoint. Father Lovasik points out clearly what one’s moral obligations are in this area, providing an invaluable aid to youthful readers. Additionally, he demonstrates that Catholic marriage is different from secular marriage and why it is important to choose a partner who is of the Catholic Faith if one would insure his or her personal happiness in marriage. With the rampant dangers to impurity today, with the lax moral standards of a large segment of our society, with divorce at epidemic levels, Clean Love in Courtship will be a welcome source of light and guidance to Catholics serious about their faith.

A Frank, Yet Reverent Instruction on the Intimate Matters of Personal Life for Young Men. To our dear and noble Catholic youths who have preserved, or want to recover, their purity of heart, and are minded to retain it throughout life. For various reasons many good fathers of themselves are not able to give their sons this enlightenment on the mysteries of life properly and sufficiently. They may find this book helpful in the discharge of their parental responsibilities in so delicate a matter.

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From Paganism to Modern Values: Denigration of Woman ~ Alice von Hildebrand

08 Friday Jul 2022

Posted by Leanevdp in Alice Von Hildebrand, Femininity vs Feminist

≈ 3 Comments

Painting by Gregory Frank Harris

by Alice von Hildebrand, The Privilege of Being a Woman

From Paganism to Modern Values: Denigration of Woman

The world in which we now live is a world whose outlook is so distorted that we absolutize what is relative (money-making, power, success) and relativize what is absolute (truth, moral values, and God).

Power, riches, fame, success, and dominance are idolized; humility, chastity, modesty, self-sacrifice, and service are looked down upon as signs of weakness.

This last sentence, Nietzsche’s philosophy in a nutshell — the glorification of strength and the denigration of weakness — has become the shallow core of modern thought and feminist belief.

The gravity of their offense was such that it was impossible for our first parents to recover the priceless gift of supernatural life. God alone could do so and, in His infinite mercy and goodness, He chose to send us His only Son to effect our redemption by His death at Calvary.

As every sin brings with it its own punishment, is it surprising that today we have become so morally blind (for wickedness blinds) that we save baby whales at great cost, and murder millions of unborn children?

Man’s conscience has been so darkened by his repeated infidelities toward God that these outrageous murders are no longer registered as being crimes that cry to heaven. Baby murderers go to bed with a good conscience and the satisfaction of having been “efficient.”

Bernard Nathanson, in his gripping work The Hand of God, relates that after having performed an abortion he had the pleasant feeling of having completed a work well done and of having “liberated” pregnant women from a burden hateful to them. Babies are cheap to make. Baby whales are more costly.

Our first parents’ minds were darkened by sin, their wills were weakened, their judgment became distorted. The hierarchy of values being upset, male accomplishments became overvalued. Physical strength became glorified and weakness was looked down upon as a proof of inferiority.

This is written in the book of Wisdom, referring to the language of the ungodly: “but let our might be our law of right, for what is weak proves itself to be useless.”

Homer’s Iliad illustrates this. The Greek heroes are strong, healthy, victorious. Those who are conquered and defeated deserve to become slaves; they are plainly inferior. It is noteworthy that the greatest cultures have often been defeated by primitive tribes that had little or no culture, but plenty of physical daring and stamina.

Hand in hand with the overestimation of strength and virility goes an overestimation of accomplishments, feats, performances, success.

In our society to be a “self-made man” calls for awe. A Bill Gates, an Oprah Winfrey, or even a Bill Clinton inspire people with a totally illegitimate feeling of admiration. But success does not guarantee authentic greatness. Many scoundrels have been incredibly successful, too successful for their own good.

Original sin blinds us to the fact that all these feats, often aided by ruthlessness, craftiness, or even plain luck, have no value in the light of eternity. We should always raise the question: Quid est hoc ad aeternitatem? (What is this in light of eternity?). In fact, it is only dust and ashes.

No one enters the gates of heaven because he is a millionaire; no one is worthy to see God because he is “famous.” Indeed, worldly “wisdom” is sheer foolishness.

This has been seen by Socrates, and emphatically repeated by Saint Paul, “for the foolishness of God is wiser than men, and the weakness of God is stronger than men.”

Against the background of the supernatural, the inanity of human praise becomes evident.

A further consequence of this broken equilibrium is that we tend to overrate “creativity.” To be successful in our contemporary world, one must be “inventive.” Creativity does have a positive ring, but the crucial question is not whether a person is “creative,” but rather “what does he create?”

To praise an innovative type of architecture without asking whether or not it is beautiful is inane. To honor someone because of the number of books and articles he has published without investigating whether or not they are true is once again to be off-track.

The lopsided view which today has gained currency inevitably leads feminists to overrate “creativity,” “novelty,” and “fashion,” changes sought for their own sake; these tickle people’s curiosity and draw them into the vortex of total metaphysical instability.

It is another way of drawing attention away from “eternal truths” and unchanging values.

The spirit of the time teaches us that today everything depends upon what is “in the air,” what people want. In this spiritual climate, tradition is doomed. The past is looked down upon as “dead, ” as having nothing to give to “modern man.”

As women are weaker than men, and as they do not bask in the limelight as much as men do, as they are less “creative” than the strong sex, they are bound to be the victims of this distorted hierarchy of values.

That women have been victimized by this distortion of the hierarchy of values is deplorable and sad indeed; but that feminists have endorsed this inversion is still more pitiful.

Imprisoned in the spiritual jail of secular categories, they fail to understand that their true mission is to swim against the tide and, with God’s grace, help restore the proper hierarchy of values.

By living up to their calling, women will succeed in guaranteeing a proper recognition of the unique value of femininity and its crucial mission in the world.

“And you, too, must stand by your convictions at the cost of things you love. An ideal is worth little if it is not worth wholehearted, honest effort. Nothing is more pitiful than a woman whose mind admires purity and right, yet whose will is too weak to choose them and whose life is blighted by sin and mire about her. Be true, be noble, aim high, and God will give you strength to keep your ideals.” – Mabel Hale, Beautiful Girlhood

Through the years our children would sometimes ask (because they knew we struggled) if we were poor? Their Dad would grin (largely) and say, “I am the wealthiest man around, look at what I have….Beautiful children, happy times, the Catholic Faith!” Their hearts would be at ease once again, knowing that, yes, wealth is not about material things…

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This is a unique book of Catholic devotions for young children. There is nothing routine and formal about these stories. They are interesting, full of warmth and dipped right out of life. These anecdotes will help children know about God, as each one unfolds a truth about the saints, the Church, the virtues, etc. These are short faith-filled stories, with a few questions and a prayer following each one, enabling the moral of each story to sink into the minds of your little ones. The stories are only a page long so tired mothers, who still want to give that “tucking in” time a special touch, or pause a brief moment during their busy day to gather her children around her, can feel good about bringing the realities of our faith to the minds of her children in a childlike, (though not childish), way. There is a small poem and a picture at the end of each story. Your children will be straining their necks to see the sweet pictures! Through these small stories, parents will sow seeds of our Holy Catholic Faith that will enrich their families all the years to come!

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Nurturing the Gift of Femininity

20 Friday May 2022

Posted by Leanevdp in by Emilie Barnes, Femininity vs Feminist

≈ 3 Comments

I do enjoy Emilie Barnes’ enthusiasm and joy as she relishes in her femininity and shares her zeal with us!

From The Spirit of Loveliness by Emilie Barnes

At its best, our femininity arises naturally out of who we are and finds its expression in the way we live our lives and make our homes. But in our hectic, hard-driving society, it’s easy to lose track of our gentle, feminine side.

Femininity is something we must nurture in ourselves and in our homes, and celebrate as God’s gift to us.

Femininity can be cultivated in many ways. A few drops of fragrant oil or perfume in the bathwater. A daisy on your desk. A lace scarf or an embroidered hanky in your pocket. A crocheted shawl around your shoulders.

Whatever awakens a calm and gentle spirit within you will nurture beauty in your life.

The expression of femininity is a very personal thing, for it is an expression of a woman’s unique self. It is closely tied with identity and with style. Many of the most feminine women I know develop a signature or trademark that marks their distinctiveness.

One woman always wears hats. Another enhances her distinctive presence with a favorite fragrance. Still another adopts a theme or motif that becomes part of her identity.

My friend Marilyn’s theme is roses. All her correspondence is “rosy,” whether with a sticker, a rubber stamp, or her own distinctive stationery. Her home, too, is full of roses – on everything from bedspreads to dessert dishes to rose-scented potpourri.

Marita, one of my publicists, loves rabbits. When she was little, her nickname was “Bunny,” and she has carried this trademark into adulthood.

Marita and her husband, Chuck, have bunny T-shirts and bunny candle holders, and at one time even a live bunny as a pet. Anytime I see anything thing with a rabbit on it I think of Marita, and at Christmas or on her birthday she always gets a bunny gift. Finding personalized presents is fun for me and Marita. It’s one way of celebrating her unique, feminine personality.

Rejoicing in the Senses

Femininity includes a wholesome sensuality – a rejoicing in the fragrances and textures and sounds of God’s world.

We honor God and express our own femininity when we become excited about the beauty around us, when we cultivate the senses that God created in us.

What is the first thing you do when you pick a rose? You put it to your nose to enjoy the fragrance. How does it make you feel? Maybe it brings a pleasant memory of that little girl inside you – of a time when you picked a flower for your mother or grandmother.

Beautiful fragrances can waft the beauty of femininity all around the house. A lavender sachet thrown in your underwear drawer, sewing box, or stocking box-or hung on a hanger in the closet-imparts its delicate fragrance at the most unexpected times.

Spray a little cologne on your notepaper, the bathroom throw rug, or even the toilet bowl. Fill your house with pine at Christmas, or boil a little pot of cinnamon and other spices on the stove.

And enjoy your other senses as well. Put on lively music while you do your housework, and take time out to dance before the Lord.

Experiment with herbs and spices in your cooking, and don’t be afraid to try new dishes. Slipcover a rough-textured sofa with a cool, smooth sheet, and banish your scratchy, uncomfortable sweaters.

There is nothing self-indulgent or worldly about such small pleasures when we approach them with a spirit of gratitude because God’s gifts help us go about the tasks he has given us.

When we feel that the little things in our lives are pleasant and satisfying, it’s amazing how the outside stresses and disappointments fade, at least for the moment.

We can then regroup, prioritize, and pray – cultivating a quiet, feminine spirit and preparing ourselves to be God’s people in the world.

“Boys need that self-assured belief that they can do anything to grow into men of action and achievement—but they’ll never build that confidence if Mom and Dad never give them real responsibility. We have to give important jobs to our kids, and then we have to trust them and not worry about them messing up. It would certainly be easier for us to just do the hard stuff ourselves and let our boys play, but our goal isn’t to do what’s easy. It’s to raise men.” – Chasity Akiki

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With his facile pen and from the wealth of his nation-wide experience, the well-known author treats anything and everything that might be included under the heading of home education: the pre-marriage training of prospective parents, the problems of the pre-school days down through the years of adolescence. No topic is neglected. “What is most praiseworthy is Fr. Lord’s insistence throughout that no educational agency can supplant the work that must be done by parents.” – Felix M. Kirsch, O.F.M.

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The Task of the Woman in the Modern World

19 Wednesday May 2021

Posted by Leanevdp in Femininity vs Feminist, FF Tidbits

≈ 7 Comments

Pamphlet from the National Catholic Rural Life Conference in 1946 concerning the function of woman in the social order. Its message is applicable today, to help a Christian “woman know her power, her role, her destiny” in today’s world.

National Catholic Rural Life Conference, 1946, written by Janet Kalven

“The important thing for a country is that the men should be manly, the women womanly.” This comment of Chesterton’s embodies a fundamental principle of social order. In society, as in any organism, unity and order are achieved through the cooperation of very different members, each fulfilling his own functions and contributing his special qualities to the common good.

The deepest difference among human beings–far more fundamental than any difference of intelligence or ability, nation or race– is the difference of sex. “And God created man to His own image: to the image of God He created him; male and female He created them.”

This basic difference is not merely physical but also psychological, coloring the total personality. In the whole range of her being–her mind, her senses, her emotions, her will, her interests and reactions–woman differs profoundly from man.

It is obviously of the greatest importance that this difference find its proper expression in the social functions of the two sexes. Each has unique qualities to contribute to the enrichment of human life. It is essential for the full and harmonious development of society, and especially for a Christian society, that “the men should be manly, the women womanly.”

Man and woman are made to complement each other at every point. Man’s capacity for theory, for forming an abstract and comprehensive view, is matched by woman’s practical sense and her gift for detail.

Man’s ambition and self-assertion which spur him on to great achievement must be balanced by the creative power of woman’s spirit of sacrifice and self-surrender. Man’s ability for leadership and desire for power must be tempered by woman’s spirit of love and selfless devotion.

The undue predominance of either masculine or feminine qualities creates profound disturbances which reverberate throughout the entire social structure, as we can see in our own culture.

In our time we need women with a vision of their great task as women who will help to restore the social equilibrium by creating a vital current of the great womanly virtues: the spirit of love, compassion for the suffering, generous self-sacrifice.

As women our fundamental contribution to the new order lies in finding our proper role in society. Our most urgent task in the work of reconstruction is to face this problem: What is the function of woman in the social order?

The Universal Mission of Woman

Woman’s essential mission in the world is to be for mankind a living example of the spirit of total dedication to God. To love God with her whole heart, her whole mind, her whole strength, and to radiate that love to the world—this is the universal task of woman. It is true that every human being is made for the love of God and is meant to be totally consecrated to His praise. In what sense, then, can we say that it is the particular mission of woman to be both an example and guide of man along the way of dedication?

There are two poles, two principles in human nature. Father Gerald Vann, O.P., in his recent book, The Heart of Man, distinguishes these two basic tendencies as “man the maker” and “man the lover.” Both principles are present to some extent in every human being, but man the maker is realized most perfectly in man; man the lover in woman. It is the maker who asserts, who imposes his idea and his will on the surroundings. The race takes its forward motion along the way of organization and invention from him. It is man the lover who gives, who yields his own will and gladly surrenders not only his will but his very self to the beloved.

Mankind has always recognized that love plays a far greater role in woman’s life than in man’s. Every woman when she looks into her own heart finds there the deep desire to surrender herself completely in love. Woman is by nature total in her giving; love absorbs her whole being. Byron was expressing the common experience of mankind when he wrote:

“Man’s love is of man’s life a thing apart
‘Tis Woman’s whole existence.”

In relation to God, we must all fulfill the role of the lover, awaiting the divine initiative, surrendering completely to the divine will. As C. S. Lewis writes so beautifully, “Our role must be always that of patient to agent, female to male, mirror to light, echo to voice. Our highest activity must be response, not initiative. To experience the love of God in a true and not an illusory form is therefore to experience it as our surrender to His demand, our conformity to His desire.”

Christian tradition has often expressed man’s relation to God in the beautiful phrase: the soul is the bride of Christ. But woman’s nature has the greater innate affinity for the bridal role, for the act of loving surrender.

That is why woman has been throughout Christian history a symbol and example of the spirit of complete consecration to God. Woman’s natural capacity for wholehearted giving of herself in love is the basis for her glorious supernatural vocation. It is her function to help to lead mankind to God by becoming herself a radiant example of total dedication to His will.

The lover’s surrender opens the way for the action of God’s grace in the world. “The world can be moved by the strength of man, but it can be blessed in the real sense of the word only in the sign of woman,” writes Gertrude von Le Fort.

It is first of all to Our Lady that these words apply. In her, the universal mission of woman, the lover, was fulfilled most completely. Her “fiat” is the perfect expression of the creature’s wholesouled surrender to the creator, and through her surrender the fullness of blessing entered into the world. These words may be applied, too, to the universal task of womankind, for it is the function of every woman to re-echo the “fiat” of Mary and thus to become a source of blessing to humanity.

One who, in order to please God, perseveres in prayer although he finds no consolation in it, but rather repugnance, gives Him a beautiful proof of true love. –Fr. Gabriel of St. Mary Magdalen, Divine Intimacy

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A masterpiece that combines the visions of four great Catholic mystics into one coherent story on the life of the Blessed Virgin Mary. Based primarily on the famous revelations of Ven. Anne Catherine Emmerich and Ven. Mary of Agreda, it also includes many episodes described in the writings of St. Bridget of Sweden and St. Elizabeth of Schenau. To read this book, therefore, is to share in the magnificent visions granted to four of the most priviledged souls in the history of the Church.

In complete harmony with the Gospel story, this book reads like a masterfully written novel. It includes such fascinating details as the birth and infancy of Mary, her espousal to St. Joseph and her Assumption into Heaven where she was crowned Queen of Heaven and Earth.

For young and old alike, The Life of Mary As Seen by the Mystics will forever impress the reader with an inspiring and truly unforgettable understanding of the otherwise unknown facts concerning Mary and the Holy Family. Imprimatur.

He was called the man of his age, the voice of his century. His influence towered above that of his contemporaries, and his sanctity moved God himself. Men flocked to him–some in wonder, others in curiosity, but all drawn by the magnetism of his spiritual gianthood. Bernard of Clairvaux–who or what fashioned him to be suitable for his role of counseling Popes, healing schisms, battling errors and filling the world with holy religious and profound spiritual doctrine? Undoubtedly, Bernard is the product of God’s grace. But it is hard to say whether this grace is more evident in Bernard himself or in the extraordinary family in which God choose to situate this dynamic personality. This book is the fascinating account of a family that took seriously the challenge to follow Christ… and to overtake Him. With warmth and realism, Venerable Tescelin, Blesseds Alice, Guy, Gerard, Humbeline, Andrew, Bartholomew, Nivard and St. Bernard step off these pages with the engaging naturalness that atttacks imitation. Here is a book that makes centuries disappear, as each member of this unique family becomes an inspiration in our own quest of overtaking Christ.

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The Secret of Femininity

26 Monday Oct 2020

Posted by Leanevdp in Femininity vs Feminist, FF Tidbits

≈ 1 Comment

Femininity is a beautiful thing…and Mary Reed Newland teaches us to relish in it. Let it be a light to the world around us who has seen a very negative side of womanhood. Let’s bring it back, Ladies!

Below is pictures of the two tea parties we have had in the past two months…a lovely way to express our femininity!

From The Spirit of Loveliness, Emilie Barnes

When I was a little girl, I used to dream of being a “lady.” The world of Little Women, with its gracious manners and old-fashioned, flowing dresses fascinated me.

Softness and lace, tantalizing fragrance and exquisite texture, a nurturing spirit and a love of beauty-these images of femininity shaped my earliest ideas of loveliness.

Is that kind of femininity a lost value today? I don’t believe it. The world has changed, and most of us live in simple skirts or business suits or jeans instead of flowing gowns. But I still believe that somewhere in the heart of most of us is a little girl who longs to be a lady.

I also believe that today’s world is hungering to be transformed by the spirit of femininity. What better antidote for an impersonal and violent society than warm, gentle, feminine strength?

What better cure for urban sprawl and trashed-out countrysides than a love of beauty and a confidence in one’s ability to make things lovely?

What better hope for the future than a nurturing mother’s heart that is more concerned for the next generation than for its own selfish desires?

All these qualities – gentle strength, love of beauty, care and nurturing – are part of femininity.

Being a woman created by God is such a privilege – and the gift of our femininity is something we can give both to ourselves and to the people around us.

Just one flower, one candle, can warm up a cold, no-nonsense atmosphere with an aura of “I care.” Women have always had the ability to transform an environment, to make it comfortable and inviting. I believe we should rejoice in that ability and make the most of it.

This doesn’t mean we have to follow a set pattern or adopt a cookie-cutter style. Specific expressions of femininity vary greatly.

When I think “feminine,” I usually think of soft colors, lace, and flowers. I love ruffled curtains and flower-sprigged wallpaper, delicate bone china and old-fashioned garden prints. And I feel especially beautiful when I’m dressed up in soft and colorful fabrics.

But I know women with vastly different styles who still exude that special quality I call femininity -women who wear tailored tweeds or casual cottons (or gardening “grubbies”) with an air of gentleness ness and sensitivity.

Women who fill sleek modern kitchens or utilitarian office cubicles with that unmistakable sense of warmth, caring, and responsiveness. Women who combine self-confidence and an indomitable spirit with a gracious humility and a tender teachability.

Women who wear the spirit of femininity with the grace with which they wear their favorite elegant scent.

To me, the spirit of femininity is expressed in objects chosen for their beauty as well as their usefulness… and lovingly cared for. It is people accepted and nurtured, loveliness embraced and shared.

More important, the spirit of femininity is the spirit of care and compassion. In my mind, the most feminine woman is one with an eye and ear for others and a heart for God.

“Be patient with everyone, but above all with yourself…do not be disheartened by your imperfections, but always rise up with fresh courage.”
Introduction the the Devout Life― St. Francis de Sales

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Masculine and Feminine Roles

23 Wednesday Sep 2020

Posted by Leanevdp in Fascinating Womanhood, Femininity vs Feminist

≈ 5 Comments

Fascinating Womanhood, Helen Andelin, 1950’s

Man’s Role: Guide, Protector, Provider,

Woman’s Role: Wife, Mother, Homemaker

The masculine and feminine roles, clearly defined above, are not merely a result of custom or tradition, but are of divine origin. It was God who placed the man at the head of the family when he told Eve, “Thy desire shall be unto thy husband, and he shall rule over thee.”

The man was also designed to be the protector, since he was given stronger muscles, greater physical endurance, and manly courage. In addition, God commanded him to earn the living when he said, “In the sweat of thy face shall thou eat bread, till thou return to the ground.” This instruction was given to the man, not to the woman. (Gen. 3: 16, 19)

The woman was given a different assignment, that of helpmeet, mother, homemaker.

In Fascinating Womanhood we apply the word helpmeet to mean the role of the wife as she offers understanding, encouragement, support, and sometimes help.

Since she is biologically created to bear children, her role as a mother is unquestioned.

Her homemaking role is assumed: She must nurture her young and run the household, to free her husband to function as the provider. (Gen. 2: 18)

The masculine and feminine roles are different in function but equal in importance.

In Henry A. Bowman’s book Marriage for Moderns he compares the partnership of marriage to a lock and a key which join together to form a functioning unit. “Together they can accomplish something that neither acting alone can accomplish. Nor can it be accomplished by two locks or two keys. Each is distinct, yet neither is complete in and of itself.

Their roles are neither identical nor interchangeable. Neither is superior to the other, since both are necessary. They are equally important.

Each must be judged in terms of its own function. They are complementary.”

Division of Labor

As you can see, the design for the human family is based on a division of labor.

You may be interested to know that modern research has proven this ancient plan to be the best means of people working together. In the 1970s several large industries in America joined forces in a research project to discover the best system for people to work together in groups, especially to get along with one another, without contention.

Part of their study took place in hippie communes which had begun earlier, in the sixties. These idealistic groups were not based on a division of labor, but on equality.

Men and women shared equally in all daily chores. Women worked side by side with men in the fields or building shelters. The men shared household chores and care of the children.

The interesting discovery was this: They found that equality didn’t fit masculine and feminine differences. Women were better at some jobs and men at others.

Women’s hands, more delicately formed, were better for mending and sewing on buttons. Men were more capable of hauling and shoveling.

The most significant discovery, however, was that when they shared work equally, they didn’t get along with one another. There was contention, frequent hostility, and even hatred. Such dissension caused whole communes to fall apart.

The conclusion of the research was this: The best way to work in groups is by a division of labor. What a perfect plan God designed for the family.

The greatest success in marriage occurs when husband and wife devotedly live their respective roles.

On the other hand, the greatest problems occur when either of them fails to perform his or her duties, or when one steps over the boundaries and forcefully takes over the partner’s role, or shows an anxious concern for performance or lack of performance.

To succeed in your role, accept your womanly duties with a keen sense of responsibility. Let it be your concern, your worry. You can of course employ servants, or assign your children to help. But you are the one who must see that it’s done.

To further succeed, learn the feminine arts and skills. Learn to cook, clean, and manage a household. Learn the womanly art of thrift and how to rear children. Forget about yourself and devote yourself to the welfare and happiness of your family.

“One secret of a sweet and happy Christian life is learning to live by the day. It is the long stretches that tire us. We think of life as a whole, running on for us. We cannot carry this load until we are three score and ten. We cannot fight this battle continually for half a century. But really there are no long stretches. Life does not come to us all at one time; it comes only a day at a time.” -My Prayer Book, Father Lasance http://amzn.to/2mwR5u6 (afflink)

Painting by Emile Munier, 1880

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Why do we wear our best clothes on Sunday? What was the Holy Ghost Hole in medieval churches? How did a Belgian nun originate the Feast of the Blessed Sacrament? Where did the Halloween mask and the jack-o’-lantern come from?

Learn the answer to these questions, as well as the history behind our traditional celebration of Thanksgiving, in this gem of a book by Father Weiser.

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For over half a century, Catholic families have treasured the practical piety and homespun wisdom of Mary Reed Newland’s classic of domestic spirituality, The Year and Our Children. With this new edition, no longer will you have to search for worn, dusty copies to enjoy Newland’s faithful insights, gentle lessons, and delightful stories. They’re all here, and ready to be shared with your family or homeschooling group. Here, too, you ll find all the prayers, crafts, family activities, litanies, and recipes that will help make your children ever-mindful of the beautiful rhythm of the Church calendar.This post contains affiliate links. Thank you for your support.

Women and Feelings (Part Two) – Alice von Hildebrand

21 Thursday Feb 2019

Posted by Leanevdp in by Alice von Hildebrand, Femininity vs Feminist, FF Tidbits

≈ 3 Comments

Painting by William Henry Margetson (1861–1940)

Part One is here.

from The Privilege of Being a Woman by Alice von Hildebrand

The liturgy of the Holy Church gives testimony to the role of the heart in religious life; she has blessed us with a litany to the Sacred Heart of Jesus. There is no litany dedicated to the divine intellect or the divine will.

When Christ in agony spoke the heart-breaking words —”I am thirsty” — the Holy One was thirsting for our love. The heart is where love resides. The heart needs to be vindicated and this can best be achieved by distinguishing between valid and invalid feelings, legitimate and illegitimate feelings, “baptized feelings and unbaptized ones.” Continue reading →

Respect Women – Fr. Daniel A. Lord

27 Tuesday Nov 2018

Posted by Leanevdp in Femininity vs Feminist

≈ 2 Comments

Perhaps it is because women compete with men in so many fields where cut-throat methods have destroyed all courtesy and much honor.

Perhaps it is because the stage so often treats women as bait for the unpleasant-minded. Perhaps it is because some silly women will do anything, wear anything, say anything to win a date or a dance or a none-too-complimentary smile.

But whatever it is, our age is rapidly losing its respect for women. Men are losing it. The fact that men let women stand in a crowded street car and elbow them savagely in crowds is relatively unimportant.

But it is important that girls are laughed at by college comic papers; that women are exposed shamelessly on stage and magazine covers that they are expected to pay with precious privileges for the parties they attend, the dinners given them, the dates which some man casually permits them; that pure women are sneered at and that feminine virtue is frankly doubted.

Too many boys and men are coming to take it for granted that girls and women will allow promiscuous liberties, and they class the girl who indignantly refuses as an old fogy, and the woman who declines as a foolish prude.

Women are losing it.

The harsh and bitter struggle into which modern commercialism has thrown them is trying enough. But it is frightening when women begin to accept coarse men’s standards of dress and manner.

If the women take it for granted, when privileges are demanded, that is the price they must pay for popularity; if they laugh at an unclean play for fear that they will be frowned on by their escort; if during the revue or the movie they sit calmly while their sisters are required to sing filthy songs and disport themselves shamelessly, they have lost respect for their own womanhood.

Like it or not, our age, which uses woman’s figure and frailty to advertise its wares, run up its magazine circulations, jam its theatres, popularize sin on our city streets, is losing, if it has not already lost, its respect for women.

And the respect with which the Church for centuries has surrounded women is the one thing that has kept them from being the prey of the beast in men and the beast in themselves.

Respect women because of the fairest of women, who is disgraced by every woman who disgraces herself and by every man who disgraces a woman.

Respect women for the sake of our own mothers.

Respect women for the sake of future mothers, future nuns, future wives.

Respect women for the sake of the frail, who will fall if, between them and their own weakness, there is not the steadying influence of noble men and pure women.

This is our new and very modern crusade.

Catholics, we will respect women.

What will our children learn from us? We want our children to live life fully, realizing their great potential. We want them to be thankful for what they have and to flourish in any situation they find themselves. Our job, as a parent, is one of the most important jobs on earth. We must pray for the wisdom and the courage to impart all that is needed, though imperfect it may be, to help our children to live a life of faith and joy! -Finer Femininity

A Nudge!! Advent is around the corner and it is always nice to be prepared. Many years I put off getting things together because there is so much going on! But if we can think a bit each day about this wonderful season that is approaching, the things we want to accomplish, what materials we will need, and get it together before that first Sunday of Advent (Dec. 2nd this year), we will breathe a huge sigh of relief.

If you have been following my site, you may have adopted some of the customs we talk about here. So, I am going to post this page from my Traditional Advent Journal to get you thinking. You can print it out as a checklist on what to get together before Advent arrives…

Digital version the Catholic Mother’s Traditional Advent Journal here.

A beautiful way to deepen your Advent experience…for yourself and your family. The Catholic Mother’s Traditional Advent Journal available here.

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The Secret of Femininity

08 Monday Oct 2018

Posted by Leanevdp in Femininity vs Feminist, FF Tidbits

≈ 6 Comments

Below is pictures of the two tea parties we have had in the past two months…a lovely way to express our femininity!