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Category Archives: by Anne Kootz

Just Pray and Get Out of the Way

08 Thursday Sep 2022

Posted by Leanevdp in by Anne Kootz, Fascinating Womanhood, Loving Wife

≈ 1 Comment

I think it would be very difficult for a woman to just “watch and pray” when it comes to a differing Religion in their home. It is what matters most to us who want to do what is right by our family. How hard it would be not to needle and nag the one we live closest to, so he will see things “our way” …for the sake of the family! You can relate? Me, too! It would be an awful struggle and I’m glad that’s one I haven’t had to tackle!

God bless my friend, Anne, who has lived and learned this lesson. Read and listen as she tells of her own walk in this area in the following testimony:

Just Pray and Get Out of the Way

(or the Power of the Rosary)

Anne Ross Kootz

How often I am my own worst enemy!

A cradle Catholic, I never left the Church. I always thought myself among the most devout and dedicated. Oddly enough, I did not insist on this quality when I met and married my husband, Buddy. Brought up as a Methodist, now he was essentially agnostic….and my temperamental opposite, though I didn’t see that yet. A very good man in every respect except this area of religion.

Most of my extended family married Protestants of one stripe or another. All converted to the True Faith within a couple of years. Buddy already courteously attended Mass with me; surely he will convert in short order. I believed, when I thought about it at all, this problem would be easy to fix.

Those of you in ‘mature’ marriages are chuckling. Little details, insignificant in the glow of romance, glare in day to day married life. High expectations soon submit to dull reality. I advised Buddy of his need for religious growth. But what began as warm, loving suggestions gradually became shrill.  Five years later I was at my wit’s end. This had become the greatest handicap to my domestic bliss. Completely out of patience, I shook my fist at Our Lord (forgive me!) and shouted – OK. I’ve done ALL I can. This is NOT my problem anymore. It is YOURS!

Notice it was my issue, not Buddy’s. As I struggled at this time, I did read a helpful book on temperaments. It was an eye-opener. So Buddy really wasn’t trying to make me crazy? God made him that way! Our personality conflicts – choleric wife and phlegmatic husband – became more acceptable. However, the disconnect in our spiritual lives did not mend. Not that this was the only trouble.

Months and then years passed. No children. Nine failed attempts to adopt. At the nine year point, with both the spiritual and fertility issues unresolved, I needed a diversion – a challenging occupational interest. I began the process to enroll in Optometry school.

Of course! Hearing me resolved to accept His Will in this as in all things, suddenly Our Lord stepped in. On our return from a Christmas holiday a phone message greeted us.  Our 10th attempt had succeeded in the adoption of our first son. Our 2nd son was underway within two days. Go ahead – no one laughed louder than Buddy!

Our family life became intense. There was no time to pine about our spiritual disagreements – babies to feed, toddlers to corral, and children to prepare for First Communion. Nonetheless, our common adversary was not idle. At 16 years a new, very painful threat to our marriage emerged.

In agony, I pleaded with Our Lord. In response, a still, small voice whispered, ‘You say you are such a good Catholic. Have you been praying for your husband?’ Oh — my! Immediately I started a daily rosary, for ‘whatever Buddy needs.’

At precisely the 90 day point in my desperation-novena, Buddy returned from a long, work-related trip. He invited me out for a drink. Understand, we never went ‘out for a drink.’ I could hear it coming… “I want a divorce.” With nothing left to lose, I got a sitter and joined him at a nearby bar for a cocktail.

You guessed it. “I’ve decided to join the Catholic Church.” A pause to pick my jaw up off the floor! Our Lady had interceded so completely – beyond my wildest imagination! As he related the process, during that long trip he had decided to quietly “try on the decision, like a shoe you wanted to buy. Then if I didn’t like it…” So like him to be ultra cautious! But Our Lady had the last laugh. Once he had ‘tried it on,’ it stuck!

Buddy was received into the church about a year later. He remains steady, if not overtly, devout. On occasion he relates a funny exchange with co-workers in which he defends the Church. He quietly endures his extended family’s preferred misinterpretation … “well, Anne is so outspoken, he finally gave in.” Sadly, never has his parents or siblings or in-laws offered him an opportunity to explain himself. It is our little secret.

Meanwhile, our 4th, and evidently final son, Peter was born, named in honor of our family’s safety in the Barque of Peter. But even here I am still wary of my own worst enemy.

“A decent young man really respects the young woman who quietly refuses to be ‘pawed over’ and ‘necked’; he wants a wife who has kept pure.
A decent girl breathes a sigh of relief when she finds that a young man respects her as a human being, as a friend, and as a lady.
There is nothing so beautiful and so powerful as virtuous loveliness. Riches, high position, physical beauty—none of these entrances as does sinlessness. Self-control, purity, exalts the soul while preserving it from defilement.” – Fr. Lawrence Lovasik, Clean Love in Courtship

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“Sacrifice means compromise. Maybe you’d always be willing to subjugate your own wishes because of your love, but your partner, in turn, should be willing to deny his (or her) wishes so that you can have your way. Thus the act of giving is shared, and the act of taking is shared too.” -Rev. George Kelly, 1950’s

Package Special! The Catholic Young Lady’s Maglet & The Catholic Young Lady’s Journal! A bundle for that special young woman!

Available here.

journal

The entire collection of twelve Books of Saints St. Joseph Picture Books, packaged in a handsome and sturdy slipcase….

Treasury of Novenas contains over 40 popular Novenas specifically arranged in accord with the Liturgical Year on the Feasts of Jesus, Mary, and many favorite Saints. By acclaimed author Rev. Lawrence G. Lovasik, S.V.D., this book has a rich, gold-stamped brown Dura-Lux cover and is an excellent collection of Novenas for private devotion.

This post contains affiliate links. Thank you for your support.

 

The Rejected Suitor

07 Monday Jun 2021

Posted by Leanevdp in by Anne Kootz, FF Tidbits, Youth/Courtship

≈ 2 Comments

!cid_04791A53-5169-4911-BDD8-9C717C559615by Anne Ross Kootz

There so is much accumulated wisdom, so easily accessible now, for young women who want to live holy lives. How to: prepare for roles as traditional wives and mothers; enjoy a chaste and successful courtship; begin a happy and fruitful marriage with a God-fearing man. FinerFem.com is itself a first-rate source of this information.

Gratefully, I scan this and other sources of womanly interests, though I am the mother of sons, only. I have spent myself for more than 26 years trying to form ornery, grimy little boys into strong, virtuous, and devout future husbands (and priests.) You see how I might also have an interest in anything that will help other mothers rear their daughters as future wives!

In all this wealth of information, however, there is a neglected element deserving of a closer look.

Recall: God-fearing Catholic men are just like any others when it comes to our fairer sex. We fascinate them. Yes. Absolutely. Fascinate. Most men manage to keep themselves under cool control, but within their minds and hearts… lightning is flashing, bells are ringing, and storms are raging when in the presence of the Feminine. These men are to be commended for their self-mastery!

Because of this fascination, good men really want to please us. Eagerly! With tremendous effort! Sometimes they will even ask their mothers what to do, because mom might remember being a girl.

So, what is the problem? Because we fascinate them, men are vulnerable to our attention, and lack of attention. A quick smile will send him, interiorly, into flights of happiness. One short, but pleasant conversation will put a spring in his step for days. Usually we are adept at genteel behavior. Sadly, sometimes we are focused on our own interests, forgetting that hidden weakness in a man’s armor. A thoughtless word, or snub, can injure his heart without our ever intending it!

When someone simply wants to engage you in conversation, common courtesy suggests you give at least a few minutes of your time. If you already know a man, and welcome his attention, conversation comes easily. As for a potential suitor, whom you do not yet know well, a few friendly chats could lead to pleasant discoveries! Impromptu opportunities abound – for instance, invite him to wash dishes with you after a party!

But what if you do know him, for many months or years now, and really aren’t interested? What can a lady do to deflect unwanted attention? Evasion is the easy, automatic response. But is it the right response?

When you avoid a man because of his unwanted attentions, you merely drag him along. He wonders if you are simply shy, and he should persevere gently until you are more comfortable with him. He may suspect you don’t like him, or there is simply no sparkle for you, and he should back away. He just doesn’t know. And he can’t read your mind. This situation confuses him. Remember, he wants to please you. He is trying to find out how to do this. How can you help him? Use words!

Here are some suggestions. First, practice the virtue of charity at all times. In the case of the unwanted suitor, this means you must be courageous enough to find words to tell him.  Maybe you appreciate his kindness toward you, but would prefer to keep your friendship on a purely casual level. Do you already have a mutual agreement with another man? He may not want to hear it, but he will prefer the truth to the uncertainty.

Collect your thoughts before speaking to him. Focus for a moment on his positive attributes. Then your remarks will give him hope to find an good woman who will appreciate him. Is he an attractive man? Intelligent, warm, humorous, kind? Is he admirably devout? Does he sing or serve at Holy Mass? Observe his qualities, and acknowledge them. Does God have a better match for him?  Take the time to write your ideas. When you have formulated your best response, please tell him at the next reasonable opportunity.

You can, of course, write him a letter. But telling him in person, discretely, may better support his inherent human dignity.

What circumstances might permit this private communication? Where you can be seen, but not overheard, by others. For example, walk with him for a moment in a parking lot, or at the edge of a sports field. Out of doors is best, as fresh air and open spaces will help him manage his disappointment.

Once you make it very clear, verbally, kindly, you are not the one for him, he will be briefly stung. But he will probably recover quickly, and be free to notice another woman – perhaps one who has been hoping to get his attention. Thus you may be doing two acts-of-mercy in one!

“Love one another as I have loved you.” Your goal is to live a holy life now and gain eternal life in heaven. The exciting time of young adulthood, with vocation discernment and courtships, is part of that process. You can leave a trail of wounded hearts, or a legacy of graciousness. Bestow a treasury of warm memories on all who know you, including that rejected suitor.

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“No—the age of chivalry has not so utterly passed away… the spirit which animated the knightly institutions of old still remains to inspire lofty aims, sentiments of the most exalted and self-denying generosity, and deeds of chivalrous daring and heroic self-sacrifice, as worthy of eternal remembrance as those that ever graced the lives of a Godfrey, a Tancred, or a St. Louis.” – Fr. Bernard O’Reilly, True Men As We Need Them, 1878, Painting by Franz Gullery
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Graceful Religious Pendant and Earring Sets…Wire-Wrapped, Handcrafted. Get it blessed and wear it as a sacramental. Available here.


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This is a unique book of Catholic devotions for young children. There is nothing routine and formal about these stories. They are interesting, full of warmth and dipped right out of life. These anecdotes will help children know about God, as each one unfolds a truth about the saints, the Church, the virtues, etc. These are short faith-filled stories, with a few questions and a prayer following each one, enabling the moral of each story to sink into the minds of your little ones. The stories are only a page long so tired mothers, who still want to give that “tucking in” time a special touch, or pause a brief moment during their busy day to gather her children around her, can feel good about bringing the realities of our faith to the minds of her children in a childlike, (though not childish), way. There is a small poem and a picture at the end of each story. Your children will be straining their necks to see the sweet pictures! Through these small stories, parents will sow seeds of our Holy Catholic Faith that will enrich their families all the years to come!

This revised 1922 classic offers gentle guidance for preteen and teenage girls on how to become a godly woman. Full of charm and sentiment, it will help mother and daughter establish a comfortable rapport for discussions about building character, friendships, obedience, high ideals, a cheerful spirit, modest dress, a pure heart, and a consecrated life.

This post contains affiliate links. Thank you for your support.

 

Elegant Modesty – Anne Kootz

01 Thursday Feb 2018

Posted by Leanevdp in by Anne Kootz, Modesty

≈ 4 Comments

Concise and clear, Anne has some great tips on fashion, with modesty always being the base of an outfit.

Elegant Modesty

by Anne Ross Kootz

img_6107

Why We Want It

Young women are particularly focused on their appearance in order to attract men. This is the biggest market for retail clothing! For decades now clothing marketed to women, particularly the teen/college age group, is designed to emphasize the sexual availability of the wearer – not the sexuality, the availability.

Understanding the desire of women to attract men, one must also realize how men think. Women who dress to send the signal of a cheap eyeful, or an easy one-night stand, will attract men who want this. Do these men care what is in the head or the heart of that woman? Unlikely.

However, there is good news: women can dress attractively to interest men who will notice first her head and her heart. Then what follows will more likely be a respectful, enduring relationship. The goal is to conceal, not reveal. The artistic eye of a good clothing designer can help by providing clothing that sends this signal: I am beautiful – inside and out. The designer will use the tools of line, color, contrast, fabric, quantity, coverage, fit, and combination, and situational appropriateness, to draw the eye of the beholder up to the face.

How We Get It

The eye follows line and points of contrast. Clothing that draws the eye up will start with: vertical lines. (This has the advantage of making the wearer appear more slender, as well.) Quantity – of fabric as well as the number of clothing items, will only hint at the feminine shape, rather than reveal the details. Color is used carefully, keeping in mind the woman’s natural coloring.

Use the darker, duller colors below, brightest near the face. Contrast draws the eye as well, so wear colorful jewelry or scarves near the face. Hats are ideal for both drawing the eye up and increasing perceived height.

Additional points include proper fit, allowing for some extra room (not only slenderizes, but is also more comfortable than tight fitting clothing) and fabric – smooth fabrics slenderize, nubby/textured finishes draw the eye and add apparent weight.

Summing it up, how would a “summer” colored woman dress on a pleasant autumn day, when, in addition to a productive lifestyle, she hopes to attract the authentic gentleman with whom she might have a happy future?

  1. Foundation garments – always! – completely concealed by clothing.
  2. Long sleeved knit tee in a color that compliments her face – such as soft aqua.
  3. Midi length (mid-calf) A-line khaki skirt – yes skirt – lends extra grace to her walk, in a compatible neutral – such as medium taupe. This sways gently while walking, and its length continues to conceal when seated.
  4. Pantyhose or knee highs compliment any ankle. In this case, taupe.
  5. Flat shoes – dark brown slip-ons, for example, are comfortable for walking.
  6. Cardigan – color coordinated with the skirt – a similar shade of taupe or cream. This contributes to modest concealment while also adding interest. (Layers also evoke higher economic status.) Sweaters can be worn loosely about the shoulders as the day warms.
  7. Understated makeup and uncluttered hairstyle – adds beauty to the face without drawing attention to itself.
  8. Finishing touches – those European style rayon scarves, or any other silky scarf that coordinates with the turquoise and taupe while adding color and contrast, for example in a paisley pattern for autumn.
  9. To really set yourself above the crowd, a coordinating beret, if weather is cool enough.November 2012 in MO 217

Now What?

What does our young lady do once she has caught the eye of that intriguing young man? She smiles! Now he sees the virtuous, vivacious woman he has been seeking, and is encouraged to say hello!

Frequently Asked Questions

1. OK – great if you have a slender, youthful figure, but I am a bit short and round. What can I do?

Make more use of the vertical line —

  • Instead of A-line skirt, use a straight line version – be sure it has a slit (ending below the knee) for walking comfort.
  • Instead of a high-hip length cardigan, use a longer cardigan that hits around mid thigh, with vertical knit-in ribs
  • Shove the sleeves of the tee and cardigan up (secure with rubber band) to just below the elbow – these folds on the arm have a surprisingly slenderizing effect on the total look!
  • Definitely make use of a beret or decorative headband.

2. What if it is just too hot for a beret and cardigan?

Lighten everything up–

  • keep your layers but modify them for conditions
  • use flat sandals (not tacky flip-flops!) instead of shoes
  • ditch the hosiery, but keep the skirt length – the swish will cool you as you walk.
  • use a lighter weight tee – keep long sleeves (pushed up to elbow.)
  • trade the cardigan for a lightweight woven shirt – open at front for that vertical line
  • trade the beret for a decorative hairband or clip

3. Great ideas – but I don’t have anything like this in my wardrobe, and can’t afford to buy much!

Thrift Stores!

  • Some of my favorites are the Goodwill and Savers.
  • Well organized, well lit, clean, and always a great selection. On my suggestion, my 20 year old son actually found a perfect fit, 3 piece, 3 season taupe worsted wool suit there, $25! (And I was suddenly brilliant.) This kind of place has yielded amazing treasures for me, too.
  • Check White Pages for thrift stores and second-hand stores in your town.
  • eBay is another terrific place to shop for attractive, modest clothing – you can’t try them on, but you can compare posted measurements to be assured of fit. Downside is shipping cost, upside is prices often so low shipping won’t matter much.

4. I work for a pizza restaurant. Have to wear a uniform — polo shirt and pants. How can I be elegantly modest in this work situation?

Check with your owner/manager — he or she may be delighted to accommodate you.

  • Might you use a shirt size that drapes rather than clings? Only top one or two buttons unbuttoned?
  • Might you wear a below-knee khaki skirt in place of pants?
  • If pants are required, use a larger size that covers your derriere somewhat loosely.
  • Would a small scarf loosely knotted around the neck be within standards?
  • A decorative hair band or clip does its usual good work.

5. My hospital work requires scrubs – not at all flattering in color or style. Now what?

  • Make sure the scrubs are loose in the bust line and derriere, in good condition, and highest quality you can afford.
  • Your neat, non-fussy hair style, understated make-up and small earrings are especially important in this situation.
  • A decorative hair band or clip does its usual good work.
  • Add that sunny smile as often as possible to improve your looks as well as brighten a tough day for your patients.

6. What should I do when the weather is really beastly cold?

  • You might still manage a skirt very well, with stretch leggings (dark) under the skirt.
  • Of course, wear warm boots!
  • A rayon or other warm scarf does double duty, as does the hat/beret!
  • Wear gloves or mittens. Warm head and hands provide great comfort in cold weather.

7. Now it’s beastly HOT! How to be modest and cool as possible?

  • Layers are still your best friend. Use ‘breathable’ fabrics such as light cottons and washable silk blends.
  • As dark colors absorb heat (remember your high school science classes?) and light colors repel, so – use the lighter colors in your palette for your layers, and save the darker/brighter ones for accents like earrings and hair accessories.
  • Your mid-calf A-line skirt is again your good friend. It swishes and cools you as you walk!

8. I will be attending a formal dinner and dance. Do all these “rules” still apply?

A basic rule of elegant modesty is dress for the situation.

  • Formal events call for formal fabrics (satin, silk, crepe), and high heels.
  • Find out what the hostess (if any) of the event will be wearing.
  • Floor length formals are always elegant and attractive. Anything else is merely trendy.
  • A slightly lower cut neckline may serve in this case;  to showcase your 16-18″ strand of pearls. (There are also beautiful, inexpensive fakes.)
  • Off the shoulder? You do not need to bare your shoulders for anyone but your husband.
  • If an otherwise perfect formal is bare shouldered, add a cutaway jacket in the same fabric. Otherwise, a long panel or scarf worn about the shoulders is not only modest, but especially elegant.
  • Slit up the side? Never! If the skirt has a generous sweep, there is no need for a slit.
  • Hunt for modest formals on eBay or CraigsList, for example, with ‘mother of bride’ as search words.
  • See my suggested links for other online stores that feature elegantly modest formal wear.
  • Like Finer Femininity on Facebookdsc02118

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“Blessed is the home where unkind speech does not enter, nor cursing, nor bad literature, nor intemperance, for on that home will be heaped the blessings of peace.” – Fr. Lawrence Lovasik
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Catholic Mother Goose! Available here.

Who can resist those little ditties, those lovely little sing-song verses called Nursery Rhymes! Songs and rhymes for young children have been passed down from generation to generation. They are fun, children love them, and they provide a warm, nurturing experience for the whole family.

This book gives us some lovely rhymes that can, and should, be committed to heart by your children. Not only will it provide all the benefits of reading and memorizing, but it will supply some simple reflections that will turn those little minds to what is most important in their life….their Catholic Faith.

Research shows children learn more in their first eight years than they do in the rest of their lives. This is a powerful time to teach them.

Most important, it is a crucial time for us, as those devout Catholic parents of old, to teach our children their Faith as they sit at our feet and learn from us.

So, parents, here is a teaching tool that can help! These are meaningful little rhymes that will provide an enjoyable way to teach your children and will enrich your home with Catholic culture!

Encourage your children to learn the poems in this book. Let them peruse the pages and look at the pictures. You will find that it will be a meaningful experience for all!

Available here.

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Elegant Modesty – Anne Kootz

17 Thursday Nov 2016

Posted by Leanevdp in by Anne Kootz, Modesty

≈ 9 Comments

Concise and clear, Anne has some great tips on fashion, with modesty always being the base of an outfit.

Elegant Modesty

by Anne Ross Kootz

img_6107

Why We Want It

Young women are particularly focused on their appearance in order to attract men. This is the biggest market for retail clothing! For decades now clothing marketed to women, particularly the teen/college age group, is designed to emphasize the sexual availability of the wearer – not the sexuality, the availability.

Understanding the desire of women to attract men, one must also realize how men think. Women who dress to send the signal of a cheap eyeful, or an easy one-night stand, will attract men who want this. Do these men care what is in the head or the heart of that woman? Unlikely.

However, there is good news: women can dress attractively to interest men who will notice first her head and her heart. Then what follows will more likely be a respectful, enduring relationship. The goal is to conceal, not reveal. The artistic eye of a good clothing designer can help by providing clothing that sends this signal: I am beautiful – inside and out. The designer will use the tools of line, color, contrast, fabric, quantity, coverage, fit, and combination, and situational appropriateness, to draw the eye of the beholder up to the face.

How We Get It

The eye follows line and points of contrast. Clothing that draws the eye up will start with: vertical lines. (This has the advantage of making the wearer appear more slender, as well.) Quantity – of fabric as well as the number of clothing items, will only hint at the feminine shape, rather than reveal the details. Color is used carefully, keeping in mind the woman’s natural coloring.

Use the darker, duller colors below, brightest near the face. Contrast draws the eye as well, so wear colorful jewelry or scarves near the face. Hats are ideal for both drawing the eye up and increasing perceived height.

Additional points include proper fit, allowing for some extra room (not only slenderizes, but is also more comfortable than tight fitting clothing) and fabric – smooth fabrics slenderize, nubby/textured finishes draw the eye and add apparent weight.

Summing it up, how would a “summer” colored woman dress on a pleasant autumn day, when, in addition to a productive lifestyle, she hopes to attract the authentic gentleman with whom she might have a happy future?

  1. Foundation garments – always! – completely concealed by clothing.
  2. Long sleeved knit tee in a color that compliments her face – such as soft aqua.
  3. Midi length (mid-calf) A-line khaki skirt – yes skirt – lends extra grace to her walk, in a compatible neutral – such as medium taupe. This sways gently while walking, and its length continues to conceal when seated.
  4. Pantyhose or knee highs compliment any ankle. In this case, taupe.
  5. Flat shoes – dark brown slip-ons, for example, are comfortable for walking.
  6. Cardigan – color coordinated with the skirt – a similar shade of taupe or cream. This contributes to modest concealment while also adding interest. (Layers also evoke higher economic status.) Sweaters can be worn loosely about the shoulders as the day warms.
  7. Understated makeup and uncluttered hairstyle – adds beauty to the face without drawing attention to itself.
  8. Finishing touches – those European style rayon scarves, or any other silky scarf that coordinates with the turquoise and taupe while adding color and contrast, for example in a paisley pattern for autumn.
  9. To really set yourself above the crowd, a coordinating beret, if weather is cool enough.November 2012 in MO 217

Now What?

What does our young lady do once she has caught the eye of that intriguing young man? She smiles! Now he sees the virtuous, vivacious woman he has been seeking, and is encouraged to say hello!

Frequently Asked Questions

1. OK – great if you have a slender, youthful figure, but I am a bit short and round. What can I do?

Make more use of the vertical line —

  • Instead of A-line skirt, use a straight line version – be sure it has a slit (ending below the knee) for walking comfort.
  • Instead of a high-hip length cardigan, use a longer cardigan that hits around mid thigh, with vertical knit-in ribs
  • Shove the sleeves of the tee and cardigan up (secure with rubber band) to just below the elbow – these folds on the arm have a surprisingly slenderizing effect on the total look!
  • Definitely make use of a beret or decorative headband.

2. What if it is just too hot for a beret and cardigan?

Lighten everything up–

  • keep your layers but modify them for conditions
  • use flat sandals (not tacky flip-flops!) instead of shoes
  • ditch the hosiery, but keep the skirt length – the swish will cool you as you walk.
  • use a lighter weight tee – keep long sleeves (pushed up to elbow.)
  • trade the cardigan for a lightweight woven shirt – open at front for that vertical line
  • trade the beret for a decorative hairband or clip

3. Great ideas – but I don’t have anything like this in my wardrobe, and can’t afford to buy much!

Thrift Stores!

  • Some of my favorites are the Goodwill and Savers.
  • Well organized, well lit, clean, and always a great selection. On my suggestion, my 20 year old son actually found a perfect fit, 3 piece, 3 season taupe worsted wool suit there, $25! (And I was suddenly brilliant.) This kind of place has yielded amazing treasures for me, too.
  • Check White Pages for thrift stores and second-hand stores in your town.
  • eBay is another terrific place to shop for attractive, modest clothing – you can’t try them on, but you can compare posted measurements to be assured of fit. Downside is shipping cost, upside is prices often so low shipping won’t matter much.

4. I work for a pizza restaurant. Have to wear a uniform — polo shirt and pants. How can I be elegantly modest in this work situation?

Check with your owner/manager — he or she may be delighted to accommodate you.

  • Might you use a shirt size that drapes rather than clings? Only top one or two buttons unbuttoned?
  • Might you wear a below-knee khaki skirt in place of pants?
  • If pants are required, use a larger size that covers your derriere somewhat loosely.
  • Would a small scarf loosely knotted around the neck be within standards?
  • A decorative hair band or clip does its usual good work.

5. My hospital work requires scrubs – not at all flattering in color or style. Now what?

  • Make sure the scrubs are loose in the bust line and derriere, in good condition, and highest quality you can afford.
  • Your neat, non-fussy hair style, understated make-up and small earrings are especially important in this situation.
  • A decorative hair band or clip does its usual good work.
  • Add that sunny smile as often as possible to improve your looks as well as brighten a tough day for your patients.

6. What should I do when the weather is really beastly cold?

  • You might still manage a skirt very well, with stretch leggings (dark) under the skirt.
  • Of course, wear warm boots!
  • A rayon or other warm scarf does double duty, as does the hat/beret!
  • Wear gloves or mittens. Warm head and hands provide great comfort in cold weather.

7. Now it’s beastly HOT! How to be modest and cool as possible?

  • Layers are still your best friend. Use ‘breathable’ fabrics such as light cottons and washable silk blends.
  • As dark colors absorb heat (remember your high school science classes?) and light colors repel, so – use the lighter colors in your palette for your layers, and save the darker/brighter ones for accents like earrings and hair accessories.
  • Your mid-calf A-line skirt is again your good friend. It swishes and cools you as you walk!

8. I will be attending a formal dinner and dance. Do all these “rules” still apply?

A basic rule of elegant modesty is dress for the situation.

  • Formal events call for formal fabrics (satin, silk, crepe), and high heels.
  • Find out what the hostess (if any) of the event will be wearing.
  • Floor length formals are always elegant and attractive. Anything else is merely trendy.
  • A slightly lower cut neckline may serve in this case;  to showcase your 16-18″ strand of pearls. (There are also beautiful, inexpensive fakes.)
  • Off the shoulder? You do not need to bare your shoulders for anyone but your husband.
  • If an otherwise perfect formal is bare shouldered, add a cutaway jacket in the same fabric. Otherwise, a long panel or scarf worn about the shoulders is not only modest, but especially elegant.
  • Slit up the side? Never! If the skirt has a generous sweep, there is no need for a slit.
  • Hunt for modest formals on eBay or CraigsList, for example, with ‘mother of bride’ as search words.
  • See my suggested links for other online stores that feature elegantly modest formal wear.
  • Like Finer Femininity on Facebookdsc02118

*******************************************************************

fall finer fem quote for the day fall

 
“Blessed is the home where unkind speech does not enter, nor cursing, nor bad literature, nor intemperance, for on that home will be heaped the blessings of peace.” – Fr. Lawrence Lovasik
14720630_590356667833014_2688901859612048946_n
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Need a unique gift for Christmas? Take a peek at my book, Catholic Mother Goose!

Regular price: 20.00 Free US Shipping

Holiday Price: 15.50 Free US Shipping!

On my Meadows of Grace Shoppe here.

Who can resist those little ditties, those lovely little sing-song verses called Nursery Rhymes! Songs and rhymes for young children have been passed down from generation to generation. They are fun, children love them, and they provide a warm, nurturing experience for the whole family.

This book gives us some lovely rhymes that can, and should, be committed to heart by your children. Not only will it provide all the benefits of reading and memorizing, but it will supply some simple reflections that will turn those little minds to what is most important in their life….their Catholic Faith.

Research shows children learn more in their first eight years than they do in the rest of their lives. This is a powerful time to teach them.

Most important, it is a crucial time for us, as those devout Catholic parents of old, to teach our children their Faith as they sit at our feet and learn from us.

So, parents, here is a teaching tool that can help! These are meaningful little rhymes that will provide an enjoyable way to teach your children and will enrich your home with Catholic culture!

Encourage your children to learn the poems in this book. Let them peruse the pages and look at the pictures. You will find that it will be a meaningful experience for all!

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Simply Amazing C!

24 Thursday Jul 2014

Posted by Leanevdp in by Anne Kootz, Health and Wellness

≈ 3 Comments

The powerful curative uses of Vitamin C

By Anne Ross Kootzindex

I am not a health professional. Just a Concerned Mother with an interest in chemistry. Before using large doses of Vitamin C, please discuss your situation with a qualified health professional.

Would you believe an ad for a new ‘broad spectrum’ drug that claimed “antibiotic, anti fungal, anti-inflammatory, anti-oxidant, even anti-cancer?”(1) Has virtually no side effects?(2) Is extremely inexpensive and available in every grocery store? Unbelievable?

These qualities are precisely what we have in *therapeutic* doses of our humble old friend, vitamin C. Already, in the first half of the 20th century, pioneering physicians were using massive doses of vitamin C (ascorbic acid and its salt, the ascorbates), to treat everything from kidney stones(2) to polio.(3) Research by Linus Pauling (PhD, 2x Nobel Prize winner), et al, in the 1970s and beyond, confirmed these earlier case studies. Pauling himself, from age 67 to his death at 93, supplemented with massive doses of vitamin C on a daily basis.(2)

Macronutrient?

Vitamin C is one of the most important nutrients. Ascorbic acid (and the ascorbate ion) is essential to many body processes. Even a healthy body benefits from quantities much greater than we can reasonably obtain through diet alone. Furthermore, an ill body needs far more vitamin C than the healthy one to overcome illness.(1) In fact, calling ascorbate a ‘vitamin’ is misleading;(2) it might be more appropriately called the ‘fourth macronutrient’ when during illness the body needs as much ascorbate as protein.

Among other things, Vitamin C is a powerful antioxidant, repairing oxidative damage to cells, enzymes and other proteins.(2) It also reacts in some circumstances as an *oxidant* to disarm toxins and viruses. In the case of cancer, ascorbate inhibits the ability of cancerous cells to push through to surrounding tissues. Ascorbate is directly involved in the formation of collagen, the cement that holds healthy cells together, like the mortar for bricks.(2) It is even shown that ascorbate, in its prooxidant role, is selectively toxic to tumors, while leaving healthy cells unharmed.(1),(2),(6) So, can’t we get enough ascorbate from food? Why do we need to supplement with vitamin C?

While most animals, and virtually all plants are able to make their own vitamin C as needed from the very similar molecule, glucose, human beings do not. God designed us without this capability. It is possible the human body, created in that perfect environment, the Garden of Eden, did not need more C than Adam and Eve could easily consume in the local fruits. Then sin and its consequences led to their expulsion. Since then, the human race has faced illnesses of all kinds.
Personal Experience

In my family we have used therapeutic doses of Vitamin C to cut short a cold,(5) reduce airborne allergy symptoms, treat insect bites, and dissolve worrisome skin growths. I made a salve of glycerine, Vitamin E and Vitamin C to treat a deep finger wound that was healing very slowly. With this treatment, it showed marked improvement overnight, every time. But this pales to my son’s experience.

My eldest son has struggled with cancer over the last 5 years, enduring four months of chemotherapy and two surgeries. A scan this spring revealed at least three sizable new tumors. The initial prognosis, per his oncologist, was very grim. My son immediately applied our recent understanding of nutritional therapy(4) and began supplementing with therapeutic doses of ascorbate.

The US government’s DRI for Vitamin C for males, 19-30 years, is 63 mg/day.+ Karl supplements instead with about 20,000-40,000 mg per day – roughly 500 times the conventional recommendation.

What are the side effects? If he takes too much, he gets mild diarrhea. Most days this does not occur – instead, his only side effects are feeling better and static – even shrinking – tumors. (Please continue to pray for him!)

Therapeutic Dose

What is a therapeutic dose? For vitamin C, this is based on body mass.* The usual recommendation is as follows (converted from kg to lb.): 160-320 mg per lb. of body mass, per day in divided doses.(1),(2),(3),(6) Vitamin C, like the B vitamins, is water soluble. In order to maintain a higher serum level of C, one must spread the dosage out over the day. So, for example, a 140 lb. adult, feeling ill with a cold or flu, might start with about 2500 mg (a rounded *1/2* tsp of ascorbic acid powder) dissolved in water or juice every 2 waking hours during an illness. One might increase the initial dose to 8000 mg(2) to see faster results, and/or increase the frequency to hourly, or the ongoing dosage up to 5000 mg. My family has found we can beat a wintertime head cold in about
one day with this regimen.

Take Enough

The most important thing to remember – take enough!(1),(3) The usual trouble with ascorbate therapy in conventional medical research is insufficient quantity.(6) There seems to be a threshold of effectiveness for benefit, which varies with the individual, the illness and the state of general health. So, if one is not seeing results, then increase the dose! But at what cost?

Cost Comparison

Vitamin C powder costs about $13 a pound on Amazon. A single therapeutic dose for a 140 lb. adult costs about 8 cents, or 64.4 cents to $1.29 per head cold.* The calculation for DayQuil/ NyQuil, which only masks symptoms, and would likely be needed for about 4-5 days for symptomatic relief, comes to at least $18.67 per head cold. And the comparison only gets better.

The price difference between Vitamin C and chemotherapy drugs is unimaginable. Chemotherapy costs thousands of dollars for each infusion. Even with health insurance, co-pays can become enormous. My son’s bill for four rounds of chemo several years ago, not including hospital stays, was over $30,000. In addition, chemo made him too sick to hold a job. Now, Karl’s daily ~40,000 mg of Vitamin C is about a tenth of a pound, or $1.30 per day – and he feels well enough to work. Over approximately 4 months now, his ascorbate therapy adds up to about $156** based on oral consumption of the powder or tablet version.

Forms of C

Vitamin C is available in many forms. Crystals, buffered, chewable, tablets, capsules, liposomal, esterified, and IV are all options, each with its own advantages and disadvantages. Fruit flavored 500 mg chewables work well for my grandson, and the various crystals/powdered forms for adultsized doses. The therapeutically active part of Vitamin C is the ascorbate ion (ascorbic acid minus two hydrogen ions.) So, ascorbic acid, sodium ascorbate, calcium ascorbate, and even ascorbyl palmitate (Ester-C®) are options. According to one of my sources, ascorbic acid is more powerful than the salts, because it has two electrons available as anti-oxidants, as opposed to one such electron for the salts.(2) All of these options also differ in ease of administration.

Ascorbic acid has a marked vinegary taste, sodium ascorbate is mildly salty, and calcium ascorbate has a bitter taste and does not dissolve easily in cold water. Liposomal C tastes like raw egg yolk – but even my 3 yo grandson will slug it down “like a cowboy drinking whiskey.” The chewables and tablets go down easily, but at high doses one may be consuming too much of the tableting ingredients. Claims for Ester-C® include greater effectiveness than other oral forms, and it is also more expensive. Liposomal C is very effective, and is quite a bit more expensive.(2),# Intravenous (IV) C would normally require the direct services of a doctor or nurse.** The oral (except liposomal) sources will produce an intestinal effect as you approach your body’s maximum absorption.
How Much is Enough?

The term “bowel tolerance” is used to describe the body’s vitamin C saturation point for oral intake. This quantity is different for each person and state of health. Bowel tolerance means the beginning of mild diarrhea. Once an individual experiences loose stools, he would cut the vitamin C dose in half, and continue dosing at the sublaxitive level until he is feeling better. There is the possibility of a rebound effect(3) so it’s best to taper off high doses over several days, according to bowel tolerance.

Orthomolecular Medicine

Literature research and personal experience has shown therapeutic use of vitamin C can be an optimal treatment for many illnesses. There are also therapeutic uses for other vitamins. Linus Pauling coined the term “Orthomolecular Medicine”(1) for the use of high doses of vitamin and other nutrients to treat illness. Perhaps, in his mercy, God gives us these natural tools to manage at least some of the physical consequences of original sin. Now you know; knowledge is power. The books listed below greatly expand on the concise information here. Some of the authors are also enthusiastic supporters of macro-evolution, which has never been scientifically observed. It’s possible to be an expert on therapeutic nutrition while being naive about evolution. It may be best to skip these references and just enjoy learning and applying nutritional remedies for your family. Do some investigation of your own, consult your health professional, and consider supplementing with the humble, simple, amazingly powerful Vitamin C!

Footnotes & References

Dietary Reference Intakes (DRIs): Estimated Average Requirements
Food and Nutrition Board, Institute of Medicine, National Academies

* The math:

Vitamin C:
$13.00/lvC x lbC/100.5 tspC x tspC/4500 mgC x 140 lbPrs x 160 mgC/lbPrs x 1/day 64.4 c – $1.28 per day, treatment for one 24 hour day only.

NyQuil/ DayQuil:
$14.00/24 ozNQ X 2 ozNQ/dose X 4 dose/day X 4 days = $18.67 per head cold treatment of 4 days.
** Karl has just recently started receiving IV vitamin C several times a week, which costs more, and requires a prescription.
Approximate cost for IV C, from the University of Kansas Hospital website:
“Vitamin C infusions range in price from $125.00 to $160.“
See more at: http://www.kumed.com/medical-services/integrative-medicine/faq/iv-vitamin-c-faq#sthash.smrzgp8Z.dpuf

# Liposomal Vitamin C can be made inexpensively at home, using lecithin, sodium ascorbate, and an ultrasonic jewelry cleaner. However, I have not yet found any reliable information on the effectiveness of the process, so I can’t confidently recommend home-made liposomal C at this time. However, I do use it myself, in the hopes of the approximately 60-70” encapsulating efficiency claimed in various internet publications. Just last weekend I conducted an experiment, based on Brooks Bradley’s method, and did find a distinct difference in the sonicated version vs. the control solution, in both appearance and reactivity. I plan to repeat the experiment in a couple of weeks, with better equipment, to measure the difference between the two solutions.

The Books

(a few to get you started – all linked directly to amazon.com.)
Each has its own extensive bibliography, including peer-reviewed publications of original research in professional journals.

1. Orthomolecular Medicine for Everyone by Abram Hoffer, MD, PhD, and Andrew Saul, PhD
(2008 – This book is an excellent first resource for therapeutic nutrition in general.)
(Also on kindle.)

2. Vitamin C: The Real Story by Steve Hickey, PhD and Andrew Saul, PhD
(2008 – very informative!)
(Also on kindle.)

3. Vitamin C, Infectious Diseases & Toxins by Thomas E. Levy, MD, JD
(2002)
(Also on kindle.)

4. Cancer and Vitamin C by Linus Pauling, PhD and Ewan Cameron
(1979, 1993)
(Also on kindle.)

5. Vitamin C, the Common Cold, and the Flu by Linus Carl Pauling
(1970 & 1976 paperback & hardcover only)
(I haven’t read this one yet – but I just ordered a used paperback with happy anticipation.)

6. Doctor Yourself: Natural Healing that Works by Andrew W. Saul, PhD.
(2001, 2012)
(Also on kindle.)

Elegant Modesty – Anne Kootz

04 Friday Apr 2014

Posted by Leanevdp in by Anne Kootz, Modesty

≈ 8 Comments

Elegant Modesty

by Anne Ross Kootzphoto-35

Why We Want It

Young women are particularly focused on their appearance in order to attract men. This is the biggest market for retail clothing! For decades now clothing marketed to women, particularly the teen/college age group, is designed to emphasize the sexual availability of the wearer – not the sexuality, the availability.

Understanding the desire of women to attract men, one must also realize how men think. Women who dress to send the signal of a cheap eyeful, or an easy one-night stand, will attract men who want this. Do these men care what is in the head or the heart of that woman? Unlikely.

However, there is good news: women can dress attractively to interest men who will notice first her head and her heart. Then what follows will more likely be a respectful, enduring relationship. The goal is to conceal, not reveal. The artistic eye of a good clothing designer can help by providing clothing that sends this signal: I am beautiful – inside and out. The designer will use the tools of line, color, contrast, fabric, quantity, coverage, fit, and combination, and situational appropriateness, to draw the eye of the beholder up to the face.

How We Get It

The eye follows line and points of contrast. Clothing that draws the eye up will start with: vertical lines. (This has the advantage of making the wearer appear more slender, as well.) Quantity – of fabric as well as the number of clothing items, will only hint at the feminine shape, rather than reveal the details. Color is used carefully, keeping in mind the woman’s natural coloring.

Use the darker, duller colors below, brightest near the face. Contrast draws the eye as well, so wear colorful jewelry or scarves near the face. Hats are ideal for both drawing the eye up and increasing perceived height.

Additional points include proper fit, allowing for some extra room (not only slenderizes, but is also more comfortable than tight fitting clothing) and fabric – smooth fabrics slenderize, nubby/textured finishes draw the eye and add apparent weight.

Summing it up, how would a “summer” colored woman dress on a pleasant autumn day, when, in addition to a productive lifestyle, she hopes to attract the authentic gentleman with whom she might have a happy future?

  1. Foundation garments – always! – completely concealed by clothing.
  2. Long sleeved knit tee in a color that compliments her face – such as soft aqua.
  3. Midi length (mid-calf) A-line khaki skirt – yes skirt – lends extra grace to her walk, in a compatible neutral – such as medium taupe. This sways gently while walking, and its length continues to conceal when seated.
  4. Pantyhose or knee highs compliment any ankle. In this case, taupe.
  5. Flat shoes – dark brown slip-ons, for example, are comfortable for walking.
  6. Cardigan – color coordinated with the skirt – a similar shade of taupe or cream. This contributes to modest concealment while also adding interest. (Layers also evoke higher economic status.) Sweaters can be worn loosely about the shoulders as the day warms.
  7. Understated makeup and uncluttered hairstyle – adds beauty to the face without drawing attention to itself.
  8. Finishing touches – those European style rayon scarves, or any other silky scarf that coordinates with the turquoise and taupe while adding color and contrast, for example in a paisley pattern for autumn.
  9. To really set yourself above the crowd, a coordinating beret, if weather is cool enough.November 2012 in MO 217

Now What?

What does our young lady do once she has caught the eye of that intriguing young man? She smiles! Now he sees the virtuous, vivacious woman he has been seeking, and is encouraged to say hello!

Frequently Asked Questions

1. OK – great if you have a slender, youthful figure, but I am a bit short and round. What can I do?

Make more use of the vertical line —

  • Instead of A-line skirt, use a straight line version – be sure it has a slit (ending below the knee) for walking comfort.
  • Instead of a high-hip length cardigan, use a longer cardigan that hits around mid thigh, with vertical knit-in ribs
  • Shove the sleeves of the tee and cardigan up (secure with rubber band) to just below the elbow – these folds on the arm have a surprisingly slenderizing effect on the total look!
  • Definitely make use of a beret or decorative headband.

2. What if it is just too hot for a beret and cardigan?

Lighten everything up–

  • keep your layers but modify them for conditions
  • use flat sandals (not tacky flip-flops!) instead of shoes
  • ditch the hosiery, but keep the skirt length – the swish will cool you as you walk.
  • use a lighter weight tee – keep long sleeves (pushed up to elbow.)
  • trade the cardigan for a lightweight woven shirt – open at front for that vertical line
  • trade the beret for a decorative hairband or clip

3. Great ideas – but I don’t have anything like this in my wardrobe, and can’t afford to buy much!

Thrift Stores!

  • Some of my favorites are the Goodwill and Savers.
  • Well organized, well lit, clean, and always a great selection. On my suggestion, my 20 year old son actually found a perfect fit, 3 piece, 3 season taupe worsted wool suit there, $25! (And I was suddenly brilliant.) This kind of place has yielded amazing treasures for me, too.
  • Check White Pages for thrift stores and second-hand stores in your town.
  • eBay is another terrific place to shop for attractive, modest clothing – you can’t try them on, but you can compare posted measurements to be assured of fit. Downside is shipping cost, upside is prices often so low shipping won’t matter much.

4. I work for a pizza restaurant. Have to wear a uniform — polo shirt and pants. How can I be elegantly modest in this work situation?

Check with your owner/manager — he or she may be delighted to accommodate you.

  • Might you use a shirt size that drapes rather than clings? Only top one or two buttons unbuttoned?
  • Might you wear a below-knee khaki skirt in place of pants?
  • If pants are required, use a larger size that covers your derriere somewhat loosely.
  • Would a small scarf loosely knotted around the neck be within standards?
  • A decorative hair band or clip does its usual good work.

5. My hospital work requires scrubs – not at all flattering in color or style. Now what?

  • Make sure the scrubs are loose in the bust line and derriere, in good condition, and highest quality you can afford.
  • Your neat, non-fussy hair style, understated make-up and small earrings are especially important in this situation.
  • A decorative hair band or clip does its usual good work.
  • Add that sunny smile as often as possible to improve your looks as well as brighten a tough day for your patients.

6. What should I do when the weather is really beastly cold?

  • You might still manage a skirt very well, with stretch leggings (dark) under the skirt.
  • Of course, wear warm boots!
  • A rayon or other warm scarf does double duty, as does the hat/beret!
  • Wear gloves or mittens. Warm head and hands provide great comfort in cold weather.

7. Now it’s beastly HOT! How to be modest and cool as possible?

  • Layers are still your best friend. Use ‘breathable’ fabrics such as light cottons and washable silk blends.
  • As dark colors absorb heat (remember your high school science classes?) and light colors repel, so – use the lighter colors in your palette for your layers, and save the darker/brighter ones for accents like earrings and hair accessories.
  • Your mid-calf A-line skirt is again your good friend. It swishes and cools you as you walk!

8. I will be attending a formal dinner and dance. Do all these “rules” still apply?

A basic rule of elegant modesty is dress for the situation.

  • Formal events call for formal fabrics (satin, silk, crepe), and high heels.
  • Find out what the hostess (if any) of the event will be wearing.
  • Floor length formals are always elegant and attractive. Anything else is merely trendy.
  • A slightly lower cut neckline may serve in this case;  to showcase your 16-18″ strand of pearls. (There are also beautiful, inexpensive fakes.)
  • Off the shoulder? You do not need to bare your shoulders for anyone but your husband.
  • If an otherwise perfect formal is bare shouldered, add a cutaway jacket in the same fabric. Otherwise, a long panel or scarf worn about the shoulders is not only modest, but especially elegant.
  • Slit up the side? Never! If the skirt has a generous sweep, there is no need for a slit.
  • Hunt for modest formals on eBay or CraigsList, for example, with ‘mother of bride’ as search words.
  • See my suggested links for other online stores that feature elegantly modest formal wear.
  • Like Finer Femininity on Facebookdsc02118

The Rejected Suitor by Anne Ross Kootz

11 Tuesday Mar 2014

Posted by Leanevdp in by Anne Kootz, FF Tidbits

≈ 4 Comments

!cid_04791A53-5169-4911-BDD8-9C717C559615

There so is much accumulated wisdom, so easily accessible now, for young women who want to live holy lives. How to: prepare for roles as traditional wives and mothers; enjoy a chaste and successful courtship; begin a happy and fruitful marriage with a God-fearing man. FinerFem.com is itself a first-rate source of this information. 
Gratefully, I scan this and other sources of womanly interests, though I am the mother of sons, only. I have spent myself for more than 26 years trying to form ornery, grimy little boys into strong, virtuous, and devout future husbands (and priests.) You see how I might also have an interest in anything that will help other mothers rear their daughters as future wives!
In all this wealth of information, however, there is a neglected element deserving of a closer look.
Recall: God-fearing Catholic men are just like any others when it comes to our fairer sex. We fascinate them. Yes. Absolutely. Fascinate. Most men manage to keep themselves under cool control, but within their minds and hearts… lightning is flashing, bells are ringing, and storms are raging when in the presence of the Feminine. These men are to be commended for their self-mastery! 
Because of this fascination, good men really want to please us. Eagerly! With tremendous effort! Sometimes they will even ask their mothers what to do, because mom might remember being a girl.
So, what is the problem? Because we fascinate them, men are vulnerable to our attention, and lack of attention. A quick smile will send him, interiorly, into flights of happiness. One short, but pleasant conversation will put a spring in his step for days. Usually we are adept at genteel behavior. Sadly, sometimes we are focused on our own interests, forgetting that hidden weakness in a man’s armor. A thoughtless word, or snub, can injure his heart without our ever intending it! 
When someone simply wants to engage you in conversation, common courtesy suggests you give at least a few minutes of your time. If you already know a man, and welcome his attention, conversation comes easily. As for a potential suitor, whom you do not yet know well, a few friendly chats could lead to pleasant discoveries! Impromptu opportunities abound – for instance, invite him to wash dishes with you after a party!
But what if you do know him, for many months or years now, and really aren’t interested? What can a lady do to deflect unwanted attention? Evasion is the easy, automatic response. But is it the right response?
When you avoid a man because of his unwanted attentions, you merely drag him along. He wonders if you are simply shy, and he should persevere gently until you are more comfortable with him. He may suspect you don’t like him, or there is simply no sparkle for you, and he should back away. He just doesn’t know. And he can’t read your mind. This situation confuses him. Remember, he wants to please you. He is trying to find out how to do this. How can you help him? Use words!
Here are some suggestions. First, practice the virtue of charity at all times. In the case of the unwanted suitor, this means you must be courageous enough to find words to tell him.  Maybe you appreciate his kindness toward you, but would prefer to keep your friendship on a purely casual level. Do you already have a mutual agreement with another man? He may not want to hear it, but he will prefer the truth to the uncertainty. 
Collect your thoughts before speaking to him. Focus for a moment on his positive attributes. Then your remarks will give him hope to find an good woman who will appreciate him. Is he an attractive man? Intelligent, warm, humorous, kind? Is he admirably devout? Does he sing or serve at Holy Mass? Observe his qualities, and acknowledge them. Does God have a better match for him?  Take the time to write your ideas. When you have formulated your best response, please tell him at the next reasonable opportunity.
You can, of course, write him a letter. But telling him in person, discretely, may better support his inherent human dignity.
What circumstances might permit this private communication? Where you can be seen, but not overheard, by others. For example, walk with him for a moment in a parking lot, or at the edge of a sports field. Out of doors is best, as fresh air and open spaces will help him manage his disappointment.
Once you make it very clear, verbally, kindly, you are not the one for him, he will be briefly stung. But he will probably recover quickly, and be free to notice another woman – perhaps one who has been hoping to get his attention. Thus you may be doing two acts-of-mercy in one!
“Love one another as I have loved you.” Your goal is to live a holy life now and gain eternal life in heaven. The exciting time of young adulthood, with vocation discernment and courtships, is part of that process. You can leave a trail of wounded hearts, or a legacy of graciousness. Bestow a treasury of warm memories on all who know you, including that rejected suitor.

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