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Category Archives: Power of Words

Rash Judgements ~ Monseigneur Landriot

23 Sunday Apr 2023

Posted by Leanevdp in Power of Words

≈ 1 Comment

Painting by Andrew Loomis

I love the prayer in the missal, “Set a watch, O Lord, before my mouth, and a door round about my lips. Incline not my heart to evil words: to make excuses in sins.”

There is also a prayer in the Divine Office, “May He check and restrain our tongue so that it be not an instrument of discord and strife.”

How often have we said words that we regret and omitted those words that should have been said! May we be granted the grace to be prudent and loving in our words.

From The Sins of the Tongue by Monseigneur Landriot

Let me first make an observation which is justified by reason and experience. The longer we live, the more daily proofs do we receive that there are often good and prudent reasons for a line of conduct, though appearances may seem doubtful, and even sometimes unfavorable.

There is no one who, in his relations with others, has not had occasion to remark how near that charity which prevents ill-natured judgments often is to the truth.

We observe this rule inflexibly where we ourselves are concerned. We exclaim at the injustice and unreasonableness of those who presume to judge us without knowing our motives, and the very next day, perhaps even the next moment after having given vent to these bitter complaints, we become guilty ourselves of a still greater injustice, and of a still greater want of good sense, with regard to our neighbor.

You pronounce judgment with unpardonable rashness on your neighbor.

Do you know all the motives of his conduct, and, if you do not know them, how dare you judge him? If men treat you in this manner, you are profoundly indignant.

There is a strange contradiction in all this, which God punishes, even on earth, by the law of retaliation. You know from your own experience that in this world of ignorance and error, the motives of our actions are commonly hidden; and, it is even right, for many wise and prudent reasons, that they should be so.

In condemning the conduct of our brethren, we often expose ourselves to the risk of condemning an act of great and sublime virtue. That man whom you hold in such contempt is perhaps a saint, whose whole life is an act of self-devotion in the cause of God and of his neighbor.

“There are many lives,” says La Rochefoucauld, “which to us may appear absurd, yet for which there may be good and weighty reasons.”

St. Bonaventure goes still further. He says, “There are many things which we think bad, merely because we do not understand them aright; did we do so, they would appear to us just and reasonable.”

You see, my children, that both good sense and justice render it an imperative duty for us to be very wary of unfavorable judgments on our neighbor. At every wish, every temptation to judge unfavorably of your neighbor, stop, and first make this reflection — How do I know but that this action, which seems so questionable to me, may not have some excellent motive to justify it?

And this proceeding, though so inexplicable to me, may be dictated by the purest charity.

In wishing to pass judgment on my neighbor with regard to these circumstances, I should be wanting in good sense as well as in charity, and I should be doing exactly what I would find intolerable if done to myself.

I should be usurping the right of God, to Whom alone it belongs, in virtue of His Omniscience, to know and duly weigh the reasons which justify or condemn the actions of men. ”

Always beware,” said a learned counsellor, “of causes which appear perfectly clear.”

St. John Climachus goes so far as to say — “Even though you see a sinner draw his last breath, you must not condemn him, for you know not what the judgment of God may be.”

“Men’s actions are very difficult to judge,” says Father Faber. “Their real character depends in a great measure on the motives which prompt them, and these motives are invisible to us.

“Appearances are often against what we afterwards discover to have been deeds of virtue. Moreover, a line of conduct is, in its look at least, very little like a logical process. It is complicated with all manner of inconsistencies, and often deformed by what is, in reality, a hidden consistency.

“Nobody can judge men but God, and we can hardly obtain a higher or more reverent view of God, than that which represents Him to us as judging men with perfect knowledge, unperplexed certainty, and undisturbed compassion. Now, kind interpretations are imitations of the merciful ingenuity of the Creator finding excuses for His creatures.” — Conferences, pp. 25, 26.

You should also be cautious how you believe every flying rumor. Such an immense quantity of smoke rises from the factory chimneys of all large commercial towns, that the whole atmosphere becomes obscured by the dense cloud of vapor spread overhead.

In all assemblies of men there are also factories, where lies, calumnies, and malicious reports are fabricated. These, too, ascend and spread in every direction, poisoning with their pestilential vapor weak and badly-disposed minds.

Be on your guard against these atmospheric fog. Be slow to believe, and where there is any doubt wait before you form a decided opinion. This was the counsel of a Christian philosopher — “Be slow to believe, slower still to judge.”

Trace a rumor back to its source, and you will discover that Peter repeated what he had heard from Paul, and exaggerated as he did so. You will find out that Paul is a trumpet, and has singularly added to the original sound; and, in the end, you will learn that there was no truth at all in the report, which had its birth in the laboratory of a bad tongue.

Such is the way of the world, and such are the miseries which raise tempests in the lives of individuals and societies.

The holy author of the ” Imitation” says very wisely, ” We must not easily give credit to every word and suggestion, but carefully and leisurely weigh the matter according to God. . . . Perfect men do not easily give credit to every report, because they know man’s weakness, which is very prone to evil and very subject to fail in words.”

A third remedy is to enter into ourselves, for the purpose of searching into and purifying our own conscience. There we may give free scope to the activity of our minds, pronounce the most severe judgments, lay down decrees, and censure as much as we please. If we take the torch of faith in our hands, we shall find ample matter for criticism and condemnation.

“Thou hypocrite,” says Jesus Christ, “why seest thou the mote that is in thy brother’s eye, and seest not the beam that is in thy own? Cast out first the beam out of thy own eye, and then thou shalt see to cast the mote out of thy brother’s eye.”

It is a fact that men are inclined to judge harshly, by reason of the corruption of their own hearts. They see in others what exists in themselves, or at least they discern every mote in their brother’s eye, but they do not see that these motes have become enormous beams in their own.

Occupy yourselves solely with your own affairs, my children. Labor to purify your consciences more and more each day, and you will learn to look on your brother with more favorable eyes. You will see him more clearly then, because you will have made clean the windows of your own souls.

Here is the advice of St. Augustine, “Endeavor to acquire the virtues in which you believe your brother to be wanting; then you will no longer be sensible of his defects, because they will have ceased to exist in yourself.”

The same Father says elsewhere, “that charity, while tending to our own perfection, makes us also more ready to believe in the virtuous qualities of others.”

This is an excellent rule, my children, for avoiding rash judgments. Love to shut yourself up in the secret chambers of your own conscience; work will never fail you there, and you will have no time to think about others.

Try to lead a Christian life, purify your conscience more and more, and you will know how to appreciate more justly and truly the actions of your neighbor.

Unfortunately, human nature is a tissue of contradictions; its curiosity concerning the lives of others is insatiable; but it never occupies itself in seeking out, and still less in correcting, its own faults.

Let us also profit by the different counsels the saints have given us. “Be more ready to believe good than evil,” says St. Augustine. “There is never any great difficulty in giving credit for goodness, but it may be a very fatal error to think evil of one who is a just man and pleasing in the sight of God.”

Extend this benevolent feeling yet more, for St. Bernard says, “When you see your neighbor commit a bad action, think that his intention may have been good, or that he erred through ignorance, or fell through surprise or weakness. If the action cannot be excused in any way, then think that the temptation was very great, and that you yourself might have done the same thing had you been in his place.”

Let the evident, known failings of your neighbor inspire you only with serious reflections on your own state of mind; nothing will then tend more into your advancement in virtue.

Never accuse your brethren with undue severity. A grave, but transient error, sometimes occurs in the life of a good man, whose soul may, notwithstanding, be more pleasing in the eyes of God than those of certain Pharisees, who pride themselves on their stoical strictness.

Be very cautious in judging where others are concerned. The goodness or badness of an action generally lies in the intention, and we have not received the gift of scrutinizing the hearts and minds of others, in order to read their motives.

Our own hearts are what we know much better, at all events what we can know much better. It is upon that ground we may give free scope to our judgments, and the only fault to be guarded against is over-indulgence on the part of the judge.

But, as for our brethren, we should respect their motives, even when the external act may appear blameworthy, and look at things from their fairest aspect, as far as prudence will allow us.

It is of course very evident that, if our moral and material interests are concerned, we may and even often ought to take the strongest precautions. In case we are not obliged to pass judgment on our neighbor, we leave all that to Almighty God.

We seek to preserve a possession dear to us, and we protect it against every possible accident which may arise from ignorance, folly, possible or probable malice, and even from misplaced good intentions. Besides this, it is certain that those who have the responsibility of governing others have special duties to fulfil, and that it is lawful, and even in some cases right, for them to suspect the existence of evil, and, without deciding on the degree of culpability, to take prudent measures to protect the sacred interests which have been confided to them.

I shall conclude with a word of counsel and consolation for those who are too much afraid of the judgments of men. I would say to them, whatever you do you cannot escape this persecution, whether it springs from thoughtlessness or malice. Go in any direction, north, south, east, or west; become a hermit or frequent society; be amiable or morose; dress in white, black, or red; adopt in turn the most contradictory opinions, and you will still find people to criticize, judge, and talk sense or nonsense about you.

You have only to read the fable of the old man, his son, and the ass. It would be attempting impossibilities to try and cure this evil; we can only resign ourselves and bear our cross courageously.

Try to act always for the best, then take no further notice, and let the wave of human criticism die away at your feet.

St. Paul exclaimed under similar circumstances — “But to me it is a very little thing to be judged by you, or by man’s day.”

Avoid everything that could give rise to just censure; and as for the rest, you may be in peace.

The just soul leaves drones to buzz away outside as much as they will; she shuts herself up in the heavenly hive, and labors to make the honey of virtue. The noise passes away as the wind, but the bee remains enjoying its riches and the fruit of its labors.

“To me it is a very little thing to be judged by you, or by man’s day.”

“The thought of the importance of your position as a Catholic mother should be a source of joy to you, but your battle will often be hard and your spiritual consolations few. It is good sometimes to know that although you have sacrificed many of the things modern ’emancipated’ women value so highly, your humble position is still the proudest in society. You are the possessor of the hand that rocks the cradle and rules the world. You are to be the comforter, the unchanging inspiration, and the educator of souls.” – Fr. Lovasik, Catholic Family Handbook 

Sign up for the Giveaway by following this link! (I will announce the winner tomorrow!)

Beautiful Blessed Mother Wire Wrapped Rosaries! Lovely, Durable. Each link is handmade and wrapped around itself to ensure quality. Available here.

Very few people know that Mark Twain (Samuel Clemens) wrote a major work on Joan of Arc. Still fewer know that he considered it not only his most important but also his best work. He spent twelve years in research and many months in France doing archival work and then made several attempts until he felt he finally had the story he wanted to tell. He reached his conclusion about Joan’s unique place in history only after studying in detail accounts written by both sides, the French and the English. Because of Mark Twain’s antipathy to institutional religion, one might expect an anti-Catholic bias toward Joan or at least toward the bishops and theologians who condemned her. Instead one finds a remarkably accurate biography of the life and mission of Joan of Arc told by one of this country’s greatest storytellers. The very fact that Mark Twain wrote this book and wrote it the way he did is a powerful testimony to the attractive power of the Catholic Church’s saints. This is a book that really will inform and inspire.

A new historical novel about the unusual life of King Baldwin IV of Jerusalem, the leper crusader king who – despite ascending to the throne at only 13, his early death at 24 and his debilitating disease – performed great and heroic deeds in the face of seemingly insurmountable odds. Teenagers and avid readers of all ages will be amazed at this story and be inspired by a faith that accomplished the impossible!

 

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Are Your Words Uplifting?

07 Tuesday Mar 2023

Posted by Leanevdp in FF Tidbits, Power of Words

≈ 6 Comments

Tags

controling our tongue, kind words, kindness

I love the prayer in the missal, “Set a watch, O Lord, before my mouth, and a door round about my lips. Incline not my heart to evil words: to make excuses in sins.”

There is also a prayer in the Divine Office, “May He check and restrain our tongue so that it be not an instrument of discord and strife.”

How often have we said words that we regret and omitted those words that should have been said! May we be granted the grace to be prudent and loving in our words.

The following is a wonderful story portraying the “power of a woman’s words.”

The Power of a Woman’s Words by Sharon Jayne

A Treasured Keepsake

How long do words linger in someone’s heart? How far-reaching are the echoes of a kind word? I believe the impact of a spoken or written word can remain long after our bodies have left this earth.

Marie learned the lasting impact of words from a group of her students. Here is her story:

He was in the first third-grade class I taught at Saint Mary’s School in Morris, Minnesota. All thirty-four of my students were dear to me, but Mark Eklund was one in a million.

Very neat in appearance, he had that happy-to-be-alive attitude that made even his occasional mischievousness delightful. Mark also talked incessantly. I had to remind him again and again that talking without permission was not acceptable.

What impressed me so much, though, was his sincere response every time I had to correct him for misbehaving. “Thank you for correcting me, Sister!”

I didn’t know what to make of it at first, but before long I became accustomed to hearing it many times a day.

One morning my patience was growing thin when Mark talked once too often, and then I made a novice-teacher’s mistake. I looked at Mark and said, “If you say one more word, I am going to tape your mouth shut!”

It wasn’t ten seconds later when Chuck blurted out, “Mark is talking again.” I hadn’t asked any of the students to help me watch Mark, but since I had stated the punishment in front of the class, I had to act on it.

I remember the scene as if it had occurred this morning. I walked to my desk, very deliberately opened the drawer, and took out a roll of masking tape. Without saying a word, I proceeded to Mark’s desk, tore off two pieces of tape and made a big X with them over his mouth.

I then returned to the front of the room. As I glanced at Mark to see how he was doing, he winked at me.

That did it! I started laughing.

The class cheered as I walked back to Mark’s desk, removed the tape, and shrugged my shoulders. His first words were, “Thank you for correcting me, Sister.”

At the end of the year I was asked to teach junior high math. The years flew by, and before I knew it Mark was in my classroom again. He was more handsome than ever and just as polite.
Since he had to listen carefully to my instruction in the “new math,” he did not talk as much in ninth grade as he had in the third.

One Friday, things just didn’t feel right. We had worked hard on a new concept all week, and I sensed that the students were growing frustrated with themselves and edgy with one another.

I had to stop this crankiness before it got out of hand. So I asked them to list the names of the other students in the room on two sheets of paper, leaving a space between each name. Then I told them to think of the nicest thing they could say about each of their classmates and write it down.

It took the remainder of the class period to finish the assignment, and as the students left the room, each one handed me the papers.

Charlie smiled. Mark said, “Thank you for teaching me, Sister. Have a good weekend.”

That Saturday, I wrote down the name of each student on a separate sheet of paper, and I listed what everyone else had said about that individual.

On Monday I gave each student his or her list. Before long, the entire class was smiling. “Really?” I heard whispered. “I never knew that meant anything to anyone!” “I didn’t know others liked me so much!”

No one ever mentioned those papers in class again. I never knew if they discussed them after class or with their parents, but it didn’t matter. The exercise had accomplished its purpose. The students were happy with themselves and with one another again.

That group of students moved on. Several years later, after I returned from vacation, my parents met me at the airport. As we were driving home, Mother asked the usual questions about the trip, the weather, my experiences in general. There was a slight lull in the conversation. Mother gave Dad a sideways glance and simply said, “Dad?”

My father cleared his throat as he usually did before something important. “The Eklunds called last night,” he began.

“Really?” I said. “I haven’t heard from them in years. I wonder how Mark is.”

Dad responded quietly. “Mark was killed in Vietnam,” he said. “The funeral is tomorrow, and his parents would like it if you could attend.”

To this day I can still point to the exact spot on I-494 where Dad told me about Mark. I had never seen a serviceman in a military coffin before. Mark looked so handsome, so mature. All I could think at that moment was, “Mark, I would give all the masking tape in the world if only you would talk to me.”

The church was packed with Mark’s friends. Chuck’s sister sang “The Battle Hymn of the Republic.”

Why did it have to rain on the day of the funeral? It was difficult enough at the graveside. The pastor said the usual prayers, and the bugler played “Taps.”

One by one those who loved Mark took a last walk by the coffin. I was the last one. As I stood there, one of the soldiers who had acted as pallbearer came up to me. “Were you Mark’s Math teacher?” he asked. I nodded as I continued to stare at the coffin. “Mark talked about you a lot,” he said.

After the funeral, most of Mark’s former classmates headed to Chuck’s farmhouse for lunch. Mark’s mother and father were there, obviously waiting for me.

“We want to show you something,” his father said, taking a wallet out of his pocket. “They found this on Mark when he was killed. We thought you might recognize it.”

Opening the billfold, he carefully removed two worn pieces of notebook paper that had obviously been taped, folded, and refolded many times. I knew without looking that the papers were the ones on which I had listed all the good things each of Mark’s classmates had said about him.

“Thank you so much for doing that,” Mark’s mother said. “As you can see, Mark treasured it.”

Mark’s classmates started to gather around us. Charlie smiled rather sheepishly and said, “I still have my list. It’s in the top drawer of my desk at home.”

Chuck’s wife said, “Chuck asked me to put his in our wedding album.”

“I have mine too,” Marilyn said. “It’s in my diary.”

Then Vicki, another classmate, reached into her pocketbook, took out her wallet, and showed her worn and frazzled list to the group. “I carry this with me at all times,” Vicki said without batting an eyelash. “I think we all saved our lists.”

How long will our words echo in the hearts and minds of our children, our husbands, our friends, fellow believers, and the world? For all eternity, my friends. To the end of the age.

“One day at a time. This is very important. Very often we exhaust ourselves going over the past again and again and also our fears about the future. But when we live in the present moment, we mysteriously find strength. We have the grace to live through what we encounter today. If tomorrow we must face more difficult situations, God will increase his grace. God’s grace is given at the right time for it, day by day.” -Fr. Jacques Philippe, The Way of Trust and Love

Come and join me as I pray the St. Patrick’s Breastplate, also known as the Lorica of St. Patrick…an amazing power of protection. St. Patrick wrote it in 433 A.D. for divine protection before successfully converting the Irish King Leoghaire and his subjects from paganism to Christianity. (The term breastplate refers to a piece of armor worn in battle.) I say this prayer often for the protection of all my loved ones!

☘️☘️☘️☘️Just in time for St. Patrick’s Day!☘️☘️☘️☘️

Beautiful St Patrick /St Bridget Wire Wrapped Rosary! Lovely, Durable…

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To the modern mind, the concept of poverty is often confused with destitution. But destitution emphatically is not the Gospel ideal. A love-filled sharing frugality is the message, and Happy Are You Poor explains the meaning of this beatitude lived and taught by Jesus himself. But isn’t simplicity in lifestyle meant only for nuns and priests? Are not all of us to enjoy the goodness and beauties of our magnificent creation? Are parents to be frugal with the children they love so much?

The renowned spiritual writer Dubay gives surprising replies to these questions. He explains how material things are like extensions of our persons and thus of our love. If everyone lived this love there would be no destitution.

After presenting the richness of the Gospel message, more beautiful than any other world view, he explains how Gospel frugality is lived in each state of life.

“Reading this book was one of the
greatest graces of my life!”
St. Thérèse of Lisieux

In the late nineteenth century, Father Charles Arminjon, a priest from the mountains of southeastern France, assembled his flock in the town cathedral to preach a series of conferences to help them turn their thoughts away from this life’s mean material affairs—and toward the next life’s glorious spiritual reward. His wise and uncompromising words deepened in them the spirit of recollection that all Christians must have: the abiding conviction that heavenly aims, not temporal enthusiasms, must guide everything we think, say, and do.This post contains affiliate links. Thank you for your support.

 

 

Gossip….Is it True, Is it Kind, Is it Necessary?

24 Monday Oct 2022

Posted by Leanevdp in Power of Words, Virtues

≈ 1 Comment

The Power of a Woman’s Words by Sharon Jayne

A monster was sneaking into my yard in the dark of night and devouring my prize plants. I never saw his beady eyes or heard his pounding footsteps—just the aftermath of his destruction. He left a trail of slime as he moved from plant to plant, leaving large gaping holes in broad leaf gerbera daisies, gnawing entire velvety trumpet-shaped blossoms on purple petunias, and reducing bushy begonias to naked stalks.

I asked a neighbor about my flower bed’s demise, and she said, “You’ve got slugs.”

“Slugs!” I exclaimed. “The yard monster is a tiny little slug?”

“You can put out slug bait to catch them and see for yourself,” my confident neighbor continued.

I sprinkled slug bait all around the yard and then waited. The next morning I viewed the “monsters’” remains. The beasts were about a quarter-inch long—about the size of my little toe nail. How could something so small cause so much damage in such a short amount of time? I mused.

Then my mind thought of something else very small that can cause enormous damage in a short amount of time…gossip.

King Solomon wrote, “The words of a gossip are like choice morsels; they go down to a man’s inmost parts” (Proverbs 18:8).

Just as one tiny slug can destroy an entire flower bed, so can one tiny morsel of gossip destroy a person’s reputation, mar one’s character, and devour a friendship.

In the South we have this knack for making gossips sound…almost nice. All you have to do is add “bless her heart” to the end of the sentence.

It goes like this: “Susie gained fifty pounds with that last pregnancy, bless her heart.”

“Marcy’s husband ran off with his secretary, bless her heart.”

“I heard Clair yelling at the postman yesterday, bless her heart.”

But all the “bless her hearts” don’t mask what is really going on…gossip.

Maybe if we are spending our time talking about people, we need to fill our minds with better material, such as good books and other reading material (and I don’t mean People magazine or the Enquirer).

What exactly is gossip? My dictionary defines gossip as “easy, fluent, trivial talk, talk about people behind their backs.” It’s repeating information about another person’s private affairs. If you have to look around to make sure that no one can hear what you are saying, you are probably gossiping. If you would not say something in front of the person you are talking about, then you’re probably gossiping.

We have often heard the phrase “knowledge is power.” Perhaps that is why gossip is so appealing. It suggests a certain amount of power because “I have the inside scoop.”

But gossip is not power. On the contrary, it shows a lack of power…a lack of self-control.

But it takes two to tango the gossip dance. “Without wood the fire goes out; without gossip a quarrel dies down” (Proverbs 26:20). The Bible tells us to make every effort to avoid gossipers (Proverbs 20:19).

A good rule of thumb is if you are not part of the problem or part of the solution, then keep the information to yourself.

Paul warned, “Some of you are living idle lives, refusing to work and wasting time meddling in other people’s business” (2 Thessalonians 3:11 ). Other translations call such people “busybodies” .

One day a woman felt overwhelmed with guilt over her years of malicious gossip. She went to the local priest and confessed her sin. The priest was all too aware of her wagging tongue and had experienced the sting of her words firsthand…or rather secondhand.

“What can I do to rectify all the damage I have caused with my gossip?” she asked.

“Gather a bag of feathers,” he began. “Then go around to each house and place a feather at their door.”

That seemed like a simple enough request, so the woman did just as the priest had instructed. After the task was complete, she returned. “I have done what you requested,” she said. “Now what am I to do?”

“Now go back and retrieve each of the feathers,” he replied.

“That is impossible,” the woman argued. “The wind will have blown them all around town by now.”

“Exactly,” replied the wise priest. “Once you have spoken an ill word, it drifts through the air on wings of gossip, never to be retrieved. God has forgiven you, as you have asked. But I cannot remove the consequences of your hurtful words or gather them from the places they have landed.”

Here’s an idea. If a friend approaches you with some “news” or a “concern” about another person, stop and ask, “May I quote you on what you’re about to tell me?” That will usually put a lid on the conversation before it even begins.

Let us make a home that is warm and welcoming, comfortable and freeing – a place where we can express the beauty of our Faith and nurture relationships with people we love. Let us build a home that reflects our personalities and renews our souls. Today, do something special to show your loved ones you care. Put a tablecloth on the table, light a candle, bake a cake, buy some flowers to grace your table….It doesn’t have to be huge…just something to lighten the burdens of the day and to bring a smile to those who cross your threshold.

When we are on our deathbed, it won’t be how much we have accomplished, how clean our house is or how many Christmas cookies we baked…. It will be: Do I go to the door to greet my husband when he comes home? Do I take the time to listen to him? Did I take time out to look and listen when the kids were talking to me? Did I read them a bedtime story? Did I make sure they said their prayers? These are the priorities… If you enjoy this video , please Like and Subscribe.

Beautiful St Joseph Wire Wrapped Rosary! Lovely, Durable. Each link is handmade and wrapped around itself to ensure quality. Available here.

A wonderful book showing how the angels have visited people innumerable times in the past, how they do so today, and would do even more if we asked them. Also, how they prevent accidents, comfort us, help us, and protect us from the devils. Contains many beautiful stories about St. Michael, St. Raphael and St. Gabriel; plus, angel stories from St. Gemma Galgani, St. Thomas Aquinas, St. John Bosco, etc.

A very optimistic book showing how an “ordinary” Catholic can become a great saint without ever doing anything “extraordinary”–just by using the many opportunities for holiness that to most people lie hidden in each day. Written with an assurance of success that is totally convincing and infectious. Many easy but infallible means of reaching great sanctity.

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Like a Breath of Fresh Air & New Podcast ~ Avoid Nagging

14 Tuesday Jun 2022

Posted by Leanevdp in Attitude, Be Cheerful/Helps to Happiness, Loving Wife, Podcasts - Finer Femininity, Power of Words

≈ 6 Comments

Painting by Edwin Georgi, 1950’s

It is always good to be reminded of the courtesy and respect we owe to those nearest and dearest to us!

100 Ways To Love Your Husband by Lisa Jacobson

It all began in a cafe, like so many of the meaningful moments in my life. He and I were sitting together over a grande latte in the newly-opened coffee shop at the Green Hills Mall when my dear friend Susan walked in.

My face lit up as soon as I spotted her. She and I had only known each other for a short time, but we’d made an immediate connection the minute we met…Soul-sisters.

Our young family had recently moved to Nashville and I’d felt rather alone up until then. Being with her was like a breath of fresh air to me.

So I shot her my sunniest smile, “Hey, girlfriend! C’mon over!”

A big hug before both of us began bubbling over with all the latest news. I complimented her on her new dress. I told her how much I liked the way she was wearing her hair. I thanked her for the book she’d lent me and emphasized how glad I was to see her!

At some point, I noticed how subdued my husband had become. I waited until she’d left us, then asked him what was up. Something was clearly on his mind. I could tell that much.

He said it so softly, I barely heard him. “I wish you’d do that for me.”

“Okay, I don’t mean to be difficult… but do what??”

“Light up with a sweet smile. Speak kindly and say nice things.”

No further explanation was needed. I knew EXACTLY what he was talking about. And he was right. I was all smiles for Susan. Saved my grumpies for him. Rarely bothered with the niceties anymore. Not particularly gracious or polite.

In all honesty? I didn’t offer too much of this kind of thing to my husband. He was supposed to love me “just the way I was”. No frills or syrup for him.

But how hurtful for him to see me put on my “sweet face” for everyone else—everyone except the man to whom I’d pledged my lifelong love. Here I was handing out the big smiles and warm compliments to my new friend….and dribbling out the tired frowns and whiny complaints to him. There’s something not quite right about that.

Now don’t feel badly if you’re cringing. I was cringing too. Somewhat sickened, really….Definitely convicted.

So, girlfriend, that’s what got me thinking…. If we’re putting on our brightest smiles for our sisters… If we’re saving our warmest words for our friends…. If we’re sharing our kindest thoughts with the girls….

Then we might want to consider how hard it must be for him to watch. Maybe he doesn’t mention it, but my guess is that he’d appreciate some of that warmth and kindness shown to him too.

So even if he’s around most every day, why not light up when he walks in the room? Tell him how handsome he’s looking today…. How glad you are to see him. A big hug and maybe a bit more. Put on your sweet face and say nice things.

Be like a breath of fresh air to him.

Be a kind wife.

 
“Home should not be just a place. Rather, it must be THE place. All else should be ‘outside.’ Home should be the center of activities and interests. It was built for births, courtship, marriage, and death. It is maintained so that children might grow, trained by precept and example – so that they will develop spiritually, mentally, and emotionally, just as they do physically.”
– Fr. Lawrence G. Lovasik. The Catholic Family Handbook
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Our Talk at Home ~Fr. Garesché

21 Monday Feb 2022

Posted by Leanevdp in Catholic Home Life, Power of Words

≈ 2 Comments

by Father Garesché, Your Neighbor and You, 1919

To LOVE and do good to one another, that is, after all, a very great part of what we are to accomplish here in this world. And to do us justice, we are usually willing enough to help and benefit our neighbor, if only we see a practicable and present way.

Half of those who do next to nothing for other folk, act so because they think of nothing to do. But tell us what is to be done and how to go about it, and you shall see some hearty workers indeed.

Now there is a great deal of very useful talk nowadays about various apostleships, and the word “Apostleship” in this connection, usually means nothing else than a way of doing to our neighbor some spiritual good.

Some of these are for the rich, like the Apostleship of Endowment; some for the learned or the talented, like the Apostleship of the Written Word; others(and those the most interesting), are for any one and every one among us, like the Apostleship of Prayer, or the Apostleship of Speech.

We have said something already, very briefly, about the second of these apostleships, that of frank, kindly and familiar speech upon Catholic subjects and Catholic views and beliefs, with those who come within our everyday circle of influence and appeal.

We are all of us constantly talking to one another, discussing, inquiring, replying, exchanging opinions and ideas. And so, we said, any one of us needs only to throw into his daily talk some genial, honest, interesting words of Catholic truth, to become at once a real apostle, that is to say, a messenger, a herald of Catholic Ethics and Faith.

Now let us descend a little into some of the special forms which this Apostleship of Speech may assume and some of the special opportunities it may offer us, and it would be well to begin, where charity does in the proverb, right at home.

Fathers and mothers, big brothers and big sisters, I wonder how many of us realize the power we are constantly using for good or ill, the influence of our daily speech at home.

We boast sometimes that “home” is one of the most tender and meaningful words in our English tongue. We declare that many other languages have no real equivalent to convey all the wealth and warmth of loving thought and memory, of kindly, generous feeling which stirs in us at this holy syllable “home”.

To have a happy home is, we rightly think, an unspeakable blessing. To lack a home, for man or woman or child, is a capital and dire misfortune. “A man’s home”, according to the old English saying which we have made our own, “is his castle”, his secure retreat, a kingdom of comfort and of cheer, a little stronghold of affection and interest and kindly sympathy against the rude buffets of this selfish and unfeeling world.

We know, too, when we reflect on the matter, that home is a little commonwealth, where each one has his part to play for the well-being of the whole.

Mother and father have, to be sure, a paramount influence; but everyone down to the youngest child has his share in making or unmaking the peacefulness and holiness of home.

In what way is this influence most often and most effectively exerted? To be sure, by our daily and common speech!

What is hastily said at breakfast, or slips from us as we pass about the house, or is discussed at the family dinner, or chatted about around the evening lamp, or mooted in the parlor — this most perhaps of all, makes or mars the peace and happiness and holiness of our home.

For in these chance remarks, these off-hand conversations and familiar, cozy talks, we throw off countless little hints and coruscation, so to speak, of our most inward and intimate selves. We reveal our sudden thoughts and impulses, we show our desires, our principles, our aims, all, whether it be good or ill, that we have been cherishing and fostering and brooding over for years and years.

These things leap out, sometimes in a tiny sentence, sometimes in a single word like little sparks of goodness or of wickedness, and kindle fires of good or evil in our hearers’ inmost heart. The doors and windows of their hearts are all thrown open in the summer air of trustfulness and love, and our flying words blow in easily for weal or woe.

And this goes on, not for an hour or a day, but for all the long months and years of the familiar intercourse of home. No wonder then that we influence one another by our daily speech of words and actions; for actions, too, are a sort of speech and often carry our meaning very much better and more easily than words.

Parents sometimes feel deeply distressed when they see, growing in their tender children, the lineaments of their own shortcomings and sins. They will put on a very serious expression and take Mary or Tom aside to warn him earnestly against letting that evil habit gain upon him.

Do they hope that one official warning so ceremoniously given will stand for a moment against the long, quiet talk and action of so many years?

“Don’t, for Heaven’s sake,” they will say, “get into that ugly way of criticizing people!”

But has not the lad heard you for years dwelling on the faults of your friends? Can one brief gust of studied sermonizing avail to sweep away that heavy and brooding cloud of innumerable and daily acts and words?

It is worthwhile, then, very, very much worthwhile, to give some care and thought to how we may carry on this Apostleship of the Home.

And this should weigh on us all the more because of the circumstance that we will all be either apostles or perverters there. Abroad, one can fight shy of company and keep pretty much to himself, not doing any one so very much good or harm.

But it is not so at home. Here we must all be constantly taking sides and influencing our little sphere for good or ill. Talk we must, act we must in the presence of every one, and not to talk and act properly and holily and well, is to be talking and acting badly, doing our share to mar the sanctities of our home.

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The Tongue, That Unruly Member

07 Wednesday Jul 2021

Posted by Leanevdp in Beautiful Girlhood, Power of Words

≈ 1 Comment

This is a good reminder for all of us of the power of our words! It is also a good reminder that we need to be diligent in  teaching our children to keep their words wholesome and respectful!
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Beautiful Girlhood by Mabel Hale

The tongue is an unruly member, and until it is brought into control by the girl herself, it is ever liable to get her into trouble. If the old rule to “think twice before you speak once” can be remembered and obeyed, much trouble and heartache will be avoided.

When all the efforts at controlling a girl’s tongue are made by parents and teachers instead of by the girl herself, it is like trying to stop a faucet by putting your hand over it. The pressure from within is so strong that ugly words will fly out in spite of these efforts. But when the girl undertakes the task herself, she is able to turn the pressure off so that the words flow smoothly. Not that it will be without struggle; but victory is ahead for every girl who will try.

Every girl should form the habit of speaking in a gentle tone. While she is young the vocal organs can be trained to give out soft tones. Who is it who does not admire a soft and tender tone in a woman’s voice? I have always felt sorry for older women who have from childhood spoken in a loud or harsh tone of voice, for it is practically impossible for them to do otherwise now. But girls can have gentle voices if they will.

No girl can afford to be impudent or saucy. One who is such sets a poor estimate upon herself. When a girl is saucy she shows a lack of respect for elders and superiors, and also a lack of respect for her own good name. Instead of sauciness sounding smart, and making a girl appear clever and independent, it shows her to be rude and egotistical. There is nothing lovely nor desirable about it, and if indulged in to any extent will spoil any girl.

Sauciness is more hateful because it begins at home. Where the girl should be her best she is her worst, for she is always more ugly to her own loved ones than to anyone else. She makes home miserable so far as her influence goes.

Mother and Father may endeavor to be kind and just, but at the least reproof or counsel the mouth of the girl sends out a stinging retort that hurts cruelly. Saucy words cost too much in heartache and tears. They are not found in beautiful girlhood; for where the habit of sauciness is found, the beauty of girlhood is spoiled.

Words can be like swords, cutting deep, not into the flesh but into the tender heart. The time will come, my young friend, when you will gaze upon the still form of one you loved and will regret with tears and sighs the harsh words you have spoken. Do not lay up for yourself sorrow for that time.

The tongue, ungoverned, leads into many wrong channels. By it unkind remarks are made of absent ones. Boasts and threats are uttered, evil suspicions spoken, trouble kindled, and hearts broken. Almost all the sorrow of the world can be traced back to the wrong use of the tongue.

If you could learn the history of almost any neighborhood you would find that someone has suffered, some heart has been wounded or broken, by the gossiping tongue of a neighbor. Gossip of a certain kind is not really wrong. We are naturally interested in the doings of our friends, and like to talk their affairs over in a kind way. And it is one of the strongest curbs on evil doings to know that such will be soundly condemned by the neighbors. We should always be ready to condemn evil deeds.

But when this gossip is mixed with a desire to wound or hurt another, or when the one who is talking is careless of the results of her speeches, gossip becomes sinful and mean. When gossip becomes backbiting, it is one of the worst of sins.

How quickly we would condemn a man who should shoot another in the back, when only a short time before he had pretended to be a friend to him; and we despise a dog that nips our heel; and the girl who will talk about her acquaintances behind their backs and pretend friendship to their faces is just as mean. Any way we view it as evil.

Speaking and backbiting are wrong and entirely unbecoming to beautiful girlhood.

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This book consists of fifteen discourses (four on Sins of the Tongue, three on Envy and Jealousy, two on Rash Judgments, two on Christian Patience, and four on Grace) that were originally talks given to laywomen of his diocese in the late 19th century. At the beginning the good Archbishop says… I propose, my children, to give you some instructions on the tongue, and the faults which it causes us to commit. I shall commence today by speaking of the power and beauty of that organ, of the noble use which ought to be made of it, and of the many advantages we may derive from it… There is precious little teaching on the topics covered in these instructions which is accessible to the average man and woman of today.

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Kind Words are Like a Fragrant Odor

03 Wednesday Mar 2021

Posted by Leanevdp in Beautiful Girlhood, Power of Words

≈ Leave a comment

Be careful of your words, out of the mouth floweth the heart…..

Beautiful Girlhood by Mabel Hale

“By thy words thou shalt be justified, and by thy words thou shalt be condemned.”

That member, the tongue, what a treacherous thing it is! And how many times it brings its owner into trouble! One writer has said that he who is able to bridle the tongue is a perfect man, and is able to govern the whole body (James 3:2).

Solomon, the wise man of old, has said that “a word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in pictures of silver.” A word fitly spoken, how good it is! It will heal a heart that is broken, and turn away wrath (Proverbs 15:1).

Kind words are like a fragrant odor that fills all the house. One person who habitually speaks kindly and considerately can soothe and quiet a household. And such words are not hard to give if the heart is in the right attitude. When one can feel and appreciate the joys and sorrows of others, the right words will come naturally.

Unkind words are the fruits of selfishness. No one likes to be spoken to with harsh words, and if the golden rule is remembered and kept, none will be spoken to others.

Consider the girl among your associates who is most universally liked and you will find her to be a girl who sympathizes with others and who is ever ready to speak a kind and encouraging word. There is no amount of brilliancy that can, in the affections of our friends, take the place of kindness of speech.

A girl is known by her words. Generally the first impression she makes upon strangers is made by her speech. Some remark falls upon their ears, and they form an opinion of the speaker founded upon the nature of that remark.

If she is heard speaking considerately and sympathetically, they think of her as kind and agreeable; but if she is loud and boisterous in her speech, or if her remark is unkind and spiteful, they form the opposite opinion.

Many girls have to overcome prejudice in the minds of others—prejudice which the girls have created against themselves by their own hasty speeches. It never pays to blurt out harsh or unkind speech, no matter how provoking the occasion may be.

To avoid speaking unkindly at any time, it is well to form habits of kindness. Betty had formed the habit of bidding Mother goodbye each morning and noon as she set off for school. This goodbye was spoken in the kindest of tones and with a note of tenderness that cheered her mother all the day.

One morning a stranger was present as Betty set off, and as she passed out the door she called back in her usual way, “Goodbye, Mother.”

Tears sprang up to the stranger’s eyes, and he said, “A girl like that is a treasure. You ought to be happy to have her speak so to you.” Betty’s little farewell, said without a thought, had wonderfully impressed the man.

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This book consists of fifteen discourses (four on Sins of the Tongue, three on Envy and Jealousy, two on Rash Judgments, two on Christian Patience, and four on Grace) that were originally talks given to laywomen of his diocese in the late 19th century. At the beginning the good Archbishop says… I propose, my children, to give you some instructions on the tongue, and the faults which it causes us to commit. I shall commence today by speaking of the power and beauty of that organ, of the noble use which ought to be made of it, and of the many advantages we may derive from it… There is precious little teaching on the topics covered in these instructions which is accessible to the average man and woman of today.

In this book you’ll learn:
-•Four ways you can become more considerate . . . immediately!
-Sympathy: why it’s your spiritual responsibility to show it to others and five ways you can start doing so
-Three things to do and three things you must not do in order to grow kinder quickly
-Four surprising reasons why it’s spiritually dangerous to criticize others
-•Three sure-fire remedies to eliminate sinful anger from your life
-•Seven ways you can turn to your own spiritual benefit the wrongs that others do to you
-Six ways you can find and root out the hidden envy that may be choking your spirit right now
-•And much more to help you grow kinder and holier!
-Practical step-by-step instructions for overcoming all forms of unkindness and meanness

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The Government of the Tongue

27 Monday Jul 2020

Posted by Leanevdp in FF Tidbits, Power of Words

≈ 5 Comments

Article from Counsels of Perfection for Christian Mothers by The Very Reverend P. Lejeune, 1913

No one has described better than the Apostle St. James, how great a power the tongue has for good or evil in our spiritual life “If any man offend not in word, the same is a perfect man. He is able also with a bridle to turn about the whole body.

“For if we put bits into the mouths of horses, that they may obey us, and we turn about their whole body.

“Behold also ships, whereas they are great, and are driven by strong winds, yet are they turned about by a small helm, whithersoever the force of the governor willeth.

“Even so the tongue is, indeed, a little member, and boasteth great things. Behold how small a fire kindleth a great wood.

“And the tongue is a fire, a world of iniquity. The tongue is placed among our members, which defileth the whole body, and setteth on fire the wheel of our nativity, being set on fire by hell.

“For every kind of beasts, and of birds, and of serpents, and of the rest, is tamed, and hath been tamed by man.

“But the tongue no man can tame a restless evil, full of deadly poison.

“By it we bless God and the Father: and by it we curse men, who are made after the likeness of God.

“Out of the same mouth proceedeth blessing and cursing. My brethren, these things ought not so to be.” (St. James, Ch. III, verse 2-10.)

Which of the two, man or woman, guards the tongue better, and suffers less from a prurience to speak? This is an odious question which I shall not venture to answer. I shall leave it to those moralists who are more solicitous to give point to an epigram than to observe facts.

It is relatively easy to ridicule woman’s excessive desire to talk, and her horror of silence. But a man who might have at his service the wit of Rabelais, or the cunning humor of La Fontaine, would not be a fair judge in a debate of this kind.

Therefore the simplest way out of the difficulty is to confess that this prurience to talk is a defect of human nature, and a temptation which all of us, men and women alike, must vigorously combat.

What is the aim of that woman who gives herself up to continual babbling? Her aim, of course, is to shine among her acquaintances, to win their esteem, and compel their admiration.

But she often finds that she has attained a result diametrically opposed to that which she sought.

If she is wise, she can often read on the faces of her listeners, those words which were uttered in the time of Cicero : “Empty barrels make the most noise.” She seeks to please those with whom she converses, and lo! she wearies and fatigues them.

“If babblers suffered as much as they make others suffer,” says one of the ancients, “they would soon be cured of their excessive desire to speak.”

My daughters, here is a just duty which is incumbent upon you. You must keep a severe guard over your conversation.

Now your principle aim, I take it, is not to have yourselves reputed as persons of fine style and agreeable intercourse. You are Christians, hence you regard the opinion of God a thousand times more than that of the world. Therefore, you will pay more attention to arguments of the supernatural order, than to worldly arguments.

I conjure you to exercise a severe vigilance over your words, because, according to the teaching of Holy Scripture, sin is always accompanied by an unbridled loquacity and useless babbling.

My daughters, you know from experience that all conversation in which you have not guarded the tongue, was a source of remorse to you. You know well that from such and such a visit, during which you have yielded to your excessive desire to gossip, you have come away with a troubled conscience.

The question arose in your mind and demanded an answer, “Was the fault that I committed grave?”

Now this question did not always proceed from an exaggerated delicacy of conscience. It was the expression of a well-founded fear of having fallen into mortal sin.

Be on your guard, my daughters. You are on dangerous ground when you give expression to every thought that passes through your mind.

You must take counsel from God, and say to Him: “Have I the right to say this?”

If you are not extremely watchful you will fall before you know it, and unwittingly exceed the limit which separates venial from mortal sin.

Let me give you the teaching of Catholic theology on this matter : Every slander is grave when it is of such a nature as to cause serious injury to your neighbor’s reputation.

It is not necessary to know the gravity of the slander by searching out what damage it has actually caused to your neighbor. It is sufficient to ask yourself this question: “Was this slander of such a nature as to injure my neighbor?” If it was not, there is a venial sin, if it was, the sin is mortal.

To know why this teaching of Catholic theology is so severe, let us invert the order.

Suppose you have been slandered. Oh then what a clamor you make. All vengeance, divine and human united cannot weigh too heavily upon the impudent wretch who has dared to sully your reputation.

Judge then the value that your neighbor attaches to her reputation and conclude that God is right in becoming the defender of the absent against the wickedness of the slanderer.

It is useless to affirm to yourselves or your friends, with your eyes raised towards Heaven, that you have the purest of intentions. This fashion of stabbing your neighbor, for the greater glory of God, is disgusting. It cannot be too deeply branded.

I know of no more repugnant spectacle than that of a person who makes a profession of piety, and then tears her neighbor’s reputation to pieces.

But how shall we brand the act of that person who communicates frequently, and who, in a gathering of friends, becomes the echo of malevolent words which do injury to some good work, or taint the reputation of some cleric.

“Oh my dear, I do not believe a word of it myself, but this is what someone said about Father so and so.”

But are you, who repeat these remarks, aware that in thus converting these slanderous words into one stream, you become the echo of the slander of others? I judge your action very severely, and I tremble when I find you piously posing before the Holy Table on the next morning.

“When a doctor visits a sick man,” says a certain moralist, “he asks to see his tongue. That organ gives him a certain indication as to the general health of the sick man. So, from a spiritual point of view, we can tell the condition of the soul by the tongue.”

My daughters, if you abandon yourselves to all the intemperances of the tongue, it is a positive sign that your souls are spiritually ill. If, on the contrary, you keep a strict watch over the tongue and prevent its excesses, rejoice: your soul is spiritually healthy.

Learn to judge yourselves by this rule. Generously sacrifice for God’s sake, every word however trivial it may be, which might offend against the virtue of charity, or cause injury to your neighbor.

The homes of many who pretend to be Christians are often schools of slander, mockery and disparagement. If an unbeliever were to assist at a repast in one of these families pretending to Christian etiquette, and reputed to be practical Catholics, he would be astonished to find malignity where he looked for the full blossom of charity, that chosen flower of the Master.

What a responsibility hangs over those mothers who tolerate these detestable practices, and who, instead of holding up a high ideal to their children, let them wallow in vulgar gossip, and even encourage them in their deplorable propensity to criticize and defame every one and everything.

I conjure you, my daughters, to preserve a strict watch over your tongues, and never to pronounce before your children one single word that is contrary to charity. Then only will you have the right to preach the horror of scandal to them.

Moreover, in this matter, your example is the only preaching needed. You are the model for all the members of your family. Let this sentiment of your responsibility, stimulate you to reject from your conversation, all rash judgments, and every habit of criticism which your children might adopt unknown to you.

St. Augustine had these words posted in his refectory: “Speak not ill of the absent.” This motto proved that he was not only a saint but also a man of honor.

My daughters, you will do well to post up this motto in your homes, at least in practice. You yourselves should see that your family lives up to it.

Your voice, with a sweet firmness, should remind those who are prone to forget, that with you, and before you, no evil must be spoken of the absent.

“A desire to be beautiful is not unwomanly. A woman who is not beautiful cannot properly fill her place. But, mark you, true beauty is not of the face, but of the soul. There is a beauty so deep and lasting that it will shine out of the homeliest face and make it comely. This is the beauty to be first sought and admired. It is a quality of the mind and heart and is manifested in word and deed.” – Beautiful Girlhood, Mabel Hale http://amzn.to/2pOKmtj (afflink) Illustration by http://www.genevievegodboutillustration.com/


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Kind Words are Like a Fragrant Odor

27 Wednesday Mar 2019

Posted by Leanevdp in Beautiful Girlhood, Power of Words

≈ 2 Comments

Be careful of your words, out of the mouth floweth the heart…..

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Beautiful Girlhood by Mabel Hale

“By thy words thou shalt be justified, and by thy words thou shalt be condemned.”

That member, the tongue, what a treacherous thing it is! And how many times it brings its owner into trouble! One writer has said that he who is able to bridle the tongue is a perfect man, and is able to govern the whole body (James 3:2).

Solomon, the wise man of old, has said that “a word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in pictures of silver.” A word fitly spoken, how good it is! It will heal a heart that is broken, and turn away wrath (Proverbs 15:1).

Kind words are like a fragrant odor that fills all the house. One person who habitually speaks kindly and considerately can soothe and quiet a household. And such words are not hard to give if the heart is in the right attitude. When one can feel and appreciate the joys and sorrows of others, the right words will come naturally. Continue reading →

The Tongue, That Unruly Member

15 Friday Mar 2019

Posted by Leanevdp in Beautiful Girlhood, Power of Words

≈ 2 Comments

This is a good reminder for all of us of the power of our words! It is also a good reminder that we need to be diligent in  teaching our children to keep their words wholesome and respectful!
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Beautiful Girlhood by Mabel Hale

The tongue is an unruly member, and until it is brought into control by the girl herself, it is ever liable to get her into trouble. If the old rule to “think twice before you speak once” can be remembered and obeyed, much trouble and heartache will be avoided.

When all the efforts at controlling a girl’s tongue are made by parents and teachers instead of by the girl herself, it is like trying to stop a faucet by putting your hand over it. The pressure from within is so strong that ugly words will fly out in spite of these efforts. But when the girl undertakes the task herself, she is able to turn the pressure off so that the words flow smoothly. Not that it will be without struggle; but victory is ahead for every girl who will try. Continue reading →

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