In these very words (Keeping up Appearances) lurks a danger likely to beset our young couple, on the very threshold of their career. All eyes are upon them, of course; their house and all it contains, their way of life, the position they take up and maintain, are, for the time being, topics of intense concern to all who know them, and to many who do not.
There is no doubt that we need to go back in some degree to the simpler way of life in vogue in the days of our grandmothers; that pretentiousness and extravagance have reached a point which is almost unendurable.
We are constantly being informed by statistics which cannot be questioned that the marriage rate is decreasing; and we know that in our own circles the number of marriageable girls and marriageable youths who for some inexplicable reason don’t marry is very great.
What is the reason? Is the age of romance over? Is it impossible any longer to conjure with the words love and marriage in the garden of youth? Or is it that our young people are less brave and enduring, that they shrink from the added responsibility, care, and self-denial involved in the double life?
My own view is that this pretentiousness and desire for display is at the bottom of it; that young people want to begin where their fathers and mothers left and that courage is lacking to take a step down and begin together on the lowest rung of the ladder.
I have heard many young men say that they are afraid to ask girls to leave the luxury and comfort of their father’s house, and to enter a plainer home, where they will have less luxury and more care; and though I grant that there are many girls who would shrink from the ordeal, and who prefer the indolent ease of single blessedness to the cares of matrimony on limited means, yet have I been tempted sometimes, looking at these young men, to wonder in my soul whether it was not they who shrank from the plain home and the increased responsibility marriage involves.
The salary sufficient for the comfort and mild luxury of one is scarcely elastic enough for two. It would mean giving up a good many things; it would mean fewer cigars, fewer new suits, and fewer first nights at the theater,—in fact, a general modification of luxuries which he has begun to regard as indispensable; and he asks himself, Is the game worth the candle?
His answer is, No.
And so he drifts out of young manhood into bachelor middle age, passing unscathed through many flirtations, becoming encrusted with selfish ideas and selfish aims, and gradually less fit for domestic life. And all the time, while he imagines he has a fine time of it, he has missed the chief joy, the highest meaning of life.
The conditions of modern life are certainly harder than they were. Competition in every profession and calling is so enormous that remuneration has necessarily fallen; and it is a problem to many how single life is to be respectably maintained, let alone married life.
Then the invasions of women into almost every domain of man’s work is somewhat serious in its consequences to men. A woman can be got to do a certain thing as quickly, correctly, and efficiently as a man; therefore the man goes to the wall.
While we are glad to see the position of woman improve, and the value of her labor in the markets of the world increase, we are perplexed as to the effect of this better condition of things on the position of men.
The situation is full of perplexities, strained to the utmost. There is no doubt whatever that this improvement in the position of woman, the increased opportunities afforded her of making a respectable livelihood, has had, and is having, its serious effect in the marriage market.
A single woman in a good situation, the duties of which she has strength of body and strength of mind to perform, is a very independent being, and in contrast with many of her married sisters a person to be envied.
She has her hours, for one thing; there is no prospect of an eight hours’ day for the married woman with a family to superintend.
Then she, having earned her own money, can spend it as she likes—and has to give account of it only to herself; and she is free from the physical trials and disabilities consequent upon marriage and maternity.
If you tell her that the sweet fullness of married life, its multiplied joys, amply compensates for the troubles, she will shake her head and want proof.
Altogether, the outlook matrimonial is not very bright.
Now, while we deplore, as a serious evil, hasty, improvident, ill-considered marriages, and hold that their consequences are very sad, we would also, scarcely less seriously, deplore that over-cautiousness which is reducing the marriage rate in quarters where it ought not to be reduced,—our lower middle-class, which is the backbone of society.
There is no fear of a serious reduction in other quarters: where there is no responsibility felt, there is none to shirk; and so, among the very poor, children are multiplied, and obligations increased, without any thought for the morrow, or concern for future provision.
There is a very supreme kind of selfishness in this over-cautiousness which is not delightful to contemplate, the fear lest self should be inconvenienced or deprived in the very slightest degree; and all this does not tend to the highest development of human nature, but rather the reverse, since the spirit of self-denial and self-sacrifice is one of the loveliest attributes of human character.
“Kindness is infectious. One kind action leads to another. Our example is followed. This is the greatest work which kindness does to others– that it makes them kind themselves.” – Fr. Lawrence Lovasik, Kindness – The Bloom of Charity
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I am following up with this list that is not as extensive as Fr. Lord’s but very good for a woman to ponder as she keeps her eyes open for a good husband….and a man to think about to see if he needs to make some changes in his life.
From Father Lovasik:
The following questions will not only help you to fit yourself for leading a worthy and holy married life, but also enable you to choose a partner in marriage intelligently. I. Friendship
Is your friendship morally beneficial? Are you morally better or worse for having been with him, and what can you expect in the future? Would marriage with him help you to observe God’s commandments and practice your religious duties faithfully?
2. Imagine a crisis in your life (poverty, sickness) that might demand a high quality of virtue to remain faithful to God. Would he be a help to the practice of such virtue?
3. Does he drink too much? Gamble?
4. Does he want to indulge in petting, passionate kissing, even at the expense of chastity?
5. Does he control his temper? Has he a sense of humor? Can he keep a secret?
6. Does he practice his religion?
7. What are his views on divorce, on having children, on Catholic education, on frequenting the sacraments?
8. Can you actually point out any definite virtuous qualities, or are they put on for your benefit now?
II.Agreement
Is there at least a reasonable degree of similarity between you in regard to the recreations you like?
2. Could you both enjoy staying at home in the evening, especially when children come?
3. Are there any habits now that not only get on your nerves but which you find extraordinarily difficult to overlook?
4. Do you both fit into about the same kind of social life?
5. Does he get along with your family and you with his?
6. Have you both sufficient health for marriage?
7. What are his habits of life: cleanliness, orderliness, good manners, good grammar?
8. Are you able to harmonize judgments on things that pertain to family life: food, kind of house, furnishings, etc.?
9. Have you the same religion and the same standards concerning its practice?
10. Have you the same attitude towards children and their education?
11. Do you feel at ease together, regardless of what you talk about? If you do not meet for some time, are you able to take up where you left off, with something of the naturalness of a family reunion, or do you have to try to work up an acquaintance all over again?
12. Has he a nagging or reforming disposition?
13. Do you see his failing, and are you willing to tolerate them? Does he admit them and is he willing to get over them?
14. With children in mind, would you say that this person would be just the right other parent for them?
III. Self – Sacrifice
1. Is your prospective companion thoughtful of others and has he the power of self-discipline?
2. In his home does he show thoughtfulness of parents and brothers and sisters, and do you get the impression that this is his regular attitude?
3. What little kindnesses, not only to you but to others, have you noticed in him?
4. When he is wrong, does he admit it and try to make up for it?
5. Does he easily and graciously pass over others’ mistakes?
6. Does he look for sympathy too much?
7. Can he give sympathy willingly, or does someone else’s trouble always bring out a greater trouble of his?
8. Does he show that he knows his temper, and that jealousy and other unpleasant traits ought to be controlled?
1. Gloominess over little failures.
2. Pessimism over slight difficulties.
3. Complete panic when frightened or in an emergency.
4. Throwing or breaking things when angry or crossed.
5. Tears when thwarted, disappointed or upset.
6. Selfishness, aggressiveness, rebelliousness, stubbornness.
7. Needless and prolonged worry over trifles.
8. Morbid fears, strong hates, and unreasonable prejudices.
from Father Kelly:
“Is it a husband you want: How does he like children? Does he like to work? Can he hold a job? Has he a sense of responsibility? Is he “grown up,” or does he have to be pampered? Too jealous? A braggart? An alibi-artist? Is he courteous?”
“At his home (each should know the other’s family) does he show thoughtfulness of parents and brothers and sisters and do you get the general impression that this is the regular thing?
What little kindnesses, not only to you but to others, have you noticed in him? When he is wrong does he admit it, and try to make up for it? Does he easily and graciously pass over others’ mistakes? Does he look for sympathy too much?
Can he give sympathy willingly, or does someone else’s trouble always bring out a greater trouble of his? Is he emotionally grown up; at least does he show that he knows his temper and jealousy and such things ought to be controlled?”
“Pride must have no place in wedded life. There must never be any calculation as to whose place it is to make the apology or to yield first to the other. True love seeks not its own; it delights in being foremost in forgiving and yielding. There is no lesson that husbands and wives need more to learn, than instantly and always to seek forgiveness of each other whenever they are conscious of having in any way caused pain or committed a wrong. The pride which will never say, ‘I did wrong; forgive me,’ is not ready for wedded life!” -J.R. Miller
Who are you going to love? Things? or God? When is enough, enough? Sermon on having too much stuff & what to do about it.
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Check out my Spring Maglet (magazine/booklet) at Meadows of Grace. Tidbits about Lent, Easter and just bunches of inspiration and encouragement!
The book is filled with wonderful advice on how to live a happy life…
Here is a complete guide to mature, responsible, even noble behavior in our complex modern society. Written in the 1930s by a wise Jesuit priest and steeped in the wisdom of the ages, these pages teach the timeless principles that have led countless souls to true success and lasting happiness….
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This is a lovely..and detailed… article. Since it is long I have broken it up into two parts….that are still long.
I read this kind of list before I met my husband. I also read a list about what a girl should look for in a Catholic young man. This was very helpful for me. I knew I would not find someone who perfectly fitted the bill…but I had something to go on in a day and age where you feel like you have to lower your morals or at least your expectations in order to find someone. Once again, you won’t find perfection…ever (are we perfect?)….but there ARE things to look for!
This list is extensive. There are many things for the young lady to work on. I have never understood why a young woman would feel like she has to fill in her time with going to college in order to feel useful in that interim before Mr. Right comes. (It’s different if you actually have a God-given career to pursue).
There are so many things to learn in this world! So many ways to grow in virtue! So many things we can do before we get married to develop these very same attributes Father Lord talks about! It is a time to really roll up our sleeves and get working!
This list is very good for us married women too. We should never stop growing in virtue and we need to be teaching our girls these things!
(As a side note, do not let this list dishearten you. None of us will be “ideal”. Part of growing in virtue is accepting who we are…a fallen human being. Let’s just use this list to tweak areas that may need working on…)
The Girl Worth Choosing
For the BOY who Chooses and the GIRL who wants to be Chosen.
This is for the boy with his eyes on the future. But it is for the girl who is thinking ahead. It is meant to help a boy pick out the right girl, and to help the girl be the kind that will be happily and permanently picked.
If you are a boy not in love, yet expect someday to be, this booklet is meant to guide you in picking the girl worth loving. If you are in love, there is still time for you, my young friend, to appraise the girl and decide whether she is the sort who will hold your love as the years slip by.
As for the girl, the suggestions in this booklet will make you more lovable. This is no guide to glamour. But it is a guide to the feminine characteristics that attract a young man and make a mature man glad that in his youth you attracted him.
Choosing the right girl is one of life’s great decisions. Upon it depends more of a man’s future happiness than at the time he faintly guesses. Romance fades and realism sets in; the dream is gone and the damsel remains. The enchantment of fascination disappears but the enchainment can remain a delightful partnership or a life sentence.
While some girls, in the blessed providence of God, are meant to know His full love and their own personal dedication to Him and His little ones, for most girls the matter of who picks them out and says, “Will you?” is terribly important. It is important to be chosen by the right man. Better not be chosen at all rather than find that the man who asks you has asked you for all the wrong reasons.
LOVE IS ENOUGH?
“Aw,” protests the young man, “what kind of a business deal does he think marriage is? Love is enough. Love will point out the perfect girl for me. One look, and I’ll say, ‘This is the one!’ Isn’t that the way the popular songs go? Doesn’t it happen like that in the movies?”
I shouldn’t, if I were you, trust too far the popular ‘song-pluggers’ or the actors and actresses who play at love on the screen. Their married lives are seldom a pattern of successful and enduring love.
Falling in love is almost too easy. People do it all the time, and sometimes many times over. Someday in greying maturity, you will look back in amazement at the number of girls you briefly thought you loved. Most young men say, “This is the one,” after a quick look at a litany of maidens.
Marrying is something very different.
Marrying is the heart and the head working together. It is love that to “Isn’t she lovely?” adds “And what a lovely disposition;” to “Isn’t she beautiful?” quickly joins “And what a beautiful soul!” Marriage turns love into a permanent state. Until marriage, the girl you love comes and goes; with marriage she stays on. Love may be blind; but marriage gives you plenty of time to look at the girl and really see her.
It is easy to marry; it takes a lot of co-operation between two well-matched and congenial people to stay happily married.
BEFORE AND AFTER.
The disillusioned married man was once the enthralled bridegroom. He comes to a friend with a startled look in his eye, crying, “If I had only known her beforehand as I know her now!” Or, angrily and in frustration, he waves his arms at an unsympathetic world: “Why didn’t somebody tell me? Why wasn’t I given some tests that I could have applied before I married the girl?”
Now the simple fact remains: A girl is not changed by marriage. She is the same in disposition and abilities, in character and virtue after the honeymoon as she was before she was fitted for her bridal gown.
More than that, the shrewd observer could have seen in the girl the qualities that would make her a good or poor wife — a happy mother or a complaining shrew. All the signs were there. Many a casual person saw them. It was the lover, blinded by his emotions, who missed the obvious. He in some cases deliberately preferred to be blind. “She’ll change,” he persuaded himself. Or, “I like the fact that she can’t cook . . . Isn’t her continuous chatter delightful? . . . Of course, she hasn’t grown up, but she will . . . I know she is extravagant with her parents’ money; but she won’t be that way with mine.”
THE TIME TO LOOK.
Before marriage, not after, is the time to find out what sort of person the girl really is.
Laugh if you like, but many a highly successful marriage was worked out by the parents of the boy and the girl. The lad’s mother and father knew that the girl was charming, good, virtuous, an excellent cook, a fine manager, with a pleasant disposition. She was no Miss Universe; but twenty years from now when her beautiful character had given her grace and a durable smile and comfortable understanding and instinctive good manners, how lucky the man who had married her!
Since parents haven’t much to do with marriage choices these days, the young man had better do some tall and serious thinking for himself. We Americans are wild advocates of the romantic marriage. And we are also an international disgrace for the way our marriages go to pieces on the rocks. Quite obviously a “glamour puss” is not necessarily a successful wife. She may be a Wow in a ball gown but she may also shy away in horror from the waving of an apron. She may have a clever line of chatter that is hollow as the rattle of castanets.
So before marriage, during what is first friendship and the beginning of courtship, the wise young man looks and listens and judges and appraises. He quite reasonably expects that the girl is sensible enough to give him the same treatment. Precisely the sort of person not to marry is the person (male or female) who rushes into marriage without thought, planning, or more than a heart-throbbing acquaintance with a life-time partner.
Look, young man, and study the signs.
Don’t, young lady, even consider marrying a man who doesn’t look and study.
Don’t be hurt, young fellow, if the girl is slow to decide whether she thinks you are up to the standard she has set.
Run like a startled deer, young miss, from the hunter who shouts first at his quarry and then asks what kind of trophy he has bagged.
To put it simply: Look before you love.
Or for the girls, let’s say: Be complimented by the long and thoughtful look of a good man and be sure you can stand in honest scrutiny.
SIMPLE TESTS.
What should a young man planning marriage look for?
What qualities should a young woman develop that would attract a fine, intelligent man, and hold a devoted, faithful husband?
Let’s start with that all-important thing called disposition.
“Disposition” is a word that comes from the verb “dispose.” And “dispose” means “arrange”. How is the girl disposed towards things and people around her? How does she arrange her actions to fit the people she meets and the circumstances that arise?
The ancient verse used to say (and we change only the noun):
“It’s easy enough to be pleasant
When love runs along like a song;
But the maid who’s worth while
Is the maid who can smile
When everything goes dead wrong”.
That was said first of men. But disposition is not so different in men or women. How is she disposed towards pleasant days or gloomy weather … towards plenty of spending money or a sudden shortage . . . to a new spring outfit or last year’s that must do for this season . . . towards the party when some other girl takes the spotlight . . . towards old people and young children . . . towards a week full of dates and a week when — for some reason — the phone doesn’t ring . . . towards the school election that chose her Queen of the May and the class election that found her missing the presidency by one vote ?
THAT PRECIOUS SMILE
A lot of future life would be simplified for the young man who learned to read girls’ smiles:
The quick spontaneous smile of good humor . . .
The smile that breaks when things have broken badly . . .
The smile with which a hard job is accepted . . .
The smile that is the outward sign of inward grace . . .
For cheerfulness is just one of the really important elements of a woman’s disposition. A man battles the world all day, and it’s often enough a tough, ratty world that cuffs him and growls at him and snaps about his ears, and digs pointed elbows into his ribs. When he comes home, he has a right to ask cheerfulness. The smile of his wife at the door is the real love-light that should be burning for him. And he can drop into an armchair of peace if he is welcomed by the cheerful good humor, the dimpled smile, the easy gaiety of his wife.
Many a woman has wisely cultivated a smile.
Girls with charming dimples may well have learned before their mirror that a smile is the way to wake them in fullest fascination.
There are forced smiles . . . and artificial smiles . . . and smiles that are turned on and off with some sort of inner switch, actually emotionless as an electric bulb.
Public entertainers learn to flash their smiles, no more sincere than the tears shed by a Johnnie Ray or a singing crocodile. As the chorus line dances onto the stage, the tired, gloomy, unsmiling faces of the girls will seem to catch fire from the footlights; and practiced smiles in magnificent insincerity will burst on every face.
In a way, a smile is less of the lips and the dimples than it is of the eyes. A mouth may curve in a smile and the eyes remain dead and lifeless. But eyes cannot smile without the whole face waking to cheerfulness and charm.
CHEERFULNESS FIRST
The test of cheerfulness is, of course, any sort of difficulty.
A girl cannot be other than cheerful when a young man dances attention on her, when she is heavily dated, when her frock is fresh and flattering; when Dad lets her borrow the car, and Mother slips her an extra green bill for incidental expenses.
The time to see whether or not a girl is cheerful is when things go badly:
It rains and spoils the picnic.
You are sorry but whereas you expected to take her to the expensive restaurant with the name band, you admit you are able to afford only a movie and a hamburger.
Mother says, “Sorry, dear, your father and I just have to go out tonight; and you have to stay home and take care of the youngsters.”
She has a fresh manicure, but it is also her turn to do the dinner dishes.
She expected to be the school’s prom queen, but the other girl wins the place.
Despite her honest efforts, she does not win a place in the school competition.
She captains a team that loses.
Her baby brother runs his hands, heavy with chocolate and jam, over her new linen suit.
You sincerely wanted to take her out, but if you don’t stay home and study, you’ll barely scrape through.
SMALL TESTS
Small tests are the big tests; for big tests come rarely in life. The cheerful wife and the cheerful mother will be the girl who can take small mishaps with a grin; who doesn’t get upset by the tricks of everyday incidents; who can smile and even laugh a little at the trifling disappointments of life.
Watch the girl for the small things. Those are the things you and your wife will have to face later on. Cheerfulness is the precious sunshine of a home; and if the wife has it, the home is bright and beautiful indeed.
MANNERS
Always a young man can think of a girl in these two ways:
Someday I shall depend upon her for my personal happiness, once she is my wife.
Someday my children will take their manners and their morals from her, once she is their mother.
So, in this day when manners are not too much prized by the younger generation, you’d be wise to take a good look at the manners of the girl you are thinking of choosing.
“Manners” — the word — expresses exactly what it intends to say:
The manner, the way in which a person habitually acts.
The manner, the way she talks.
The manner, the way she acts towards people.
The manner, the way she eats.
All those external gestures make the difference between a savage and a civilized person, a barbarian and a pleasant member of society.
A woman with pleasant manners is a delightful person to have around. A woman without pleasant manners can be a shrew, a harridan, a back-fence gossip, a rude, ill-bred, fish-wifely, gutterish person.
So you might nicely do a little listening to her voice and the way she speaks. You will have to listen to that voice for the rest of your days. Good grammar? Pleasant modulation? Sharpness of tone? Sudden squeals or blasts or outcries of rage or indignation? Too many words for too few ideas? No words at all, or so few that you question if she has ideas?
Does she say “thank you” for your gifts, and say it charmingly and with real appreciation? You might notice whether “please” figures in her normal speech, not merely towards you whom she is trying to impress but towards younger children, salespeople, waiters and waitresses, her teachers.
A gentle tongue may come under the head of virtue rather than manners, yet even when a tongue is not concerned with sin, it is certainly concerned with our comfort.
Heaven deliver a good man from a complaining woman . . . from one who is a fault-finder, who constantly sees what’s wrong with everything and makes a point of laying her tongue vigorously upon it . . . from the critical woman who can spot and indicate a blemish, however small . . . from the gossip who knows only the mistakes and slips of her friends and makes them her constant subject of conversation.
A man wants to be proud of his wife. He had better notice whether he is proud of the girl with whom he goes out. There are a few tests: She should know how to meet people; she should be considerate of older people, notably those related to her; she should be easy and comfortable in a restaurant, whether it be superlatively good or fitted to his depleted wallet; she should know how to wear the clothes suited for the occasion; she should watch and learn from those who have more experience than she; if she makes mistakes, she smiles at them, apologizes briefly, puts them aside, and tries not to repeat them.
GRATITUDE
Is gratitude a matter of manners or of deep inner virtue?
You will be smart if you expect gratitude from the girl you marry. Here, as in most cases, you can judge her future gratitude to you by her gratitude to her parents here and now. The girl who accepts the money and clothes, the house and food, the schooling and fun made possible by her parents without appreciation or gratitude will later take what you give her as her right, her due, and nothing for which you should get a sign of thanks.
Listen carefully while she talks about Dad and Mother.
“Oh, Dad’s so tight. He hates to let anyone have the car . . . I had to wheedle and coax to get this new dress out of Mother. You’d think every dollar bill was skin off her nose . . . For Christmas? Oh, I got a lot of clothes and things like that; but then, a person’s parents are expected to provide those. I wish I really had rich parents.”
Listen to her as she discusses her friends.
“Hazel helped me with my book report. But then, Hazel is a bookworm; she’d rather study than go to a dance . . . I feel sorry for June; she does so well in her studies, but she simply has no charm, do you think? . . . I finally persuaded my little sister, that’s Nan, to let me take her new nylon scarf; I promised to let her have my gloves on Sunday; but I’ll keep them hid so she can’t find them; I don’t want that kid using my stuff.”
A LADY, PLEASE!
Any female is a woman. But only certain women are ladies. For your sake, I hope you have the good luck to marry one of them. For a lady has those marks of good breeding that you will want her to pass on to your children. A lady has gracious manners that make her charming in her own home, pleasant in company, a prize that you can happily bring to a party, the confident, restful companion on your arm.
A lady is careful not to hurt others; and if she inadvertently does, she is quick to apologize.
A lady is considerate of the very old, the very young, the tiresome, the sick, the weak, the underprivileged.
A lady dresses well without being in advance of the styles or holding onto a style when it has gone into history.
A lady is extreme in nothing, but notable because what she does is right.
A lady is the lovely partner of a lifetime. Pray God to send a lady your way.
TOLERANCE
You and I are males, and as males we are going to do our full share of barging into fragile objects, thoughtlessly kicking things around, saying the wrong things at the right time, making the mistakes for which we will be very sorry and of which we shall be ashamed.
Thank Heaven, we spent the early and most naturally clumsy years of our lives under a tolerant woman — our mother.
She picked us up and dusted us off and kissed us when we fell.
She gathered together our broken toys and wiped up our spilt milk and set upright the chairs we had thrown over.
She took us in understanding arms and kissed our bruises and bandaged our cuts and told us how sorry she was and how sure we wouldn’t do it again.
When we rashly jumped off the tool-shed and landed on the cement and in bed, she said not a word of reproach; but nursed us back, knowing that our stupidity had taught us all the lessons we needed.
She didn’t much like that big kid over whom we waxed enthusiastic; but when he turned out to be a bully and a thief, she didn’t say, “I knew it all the time.” She accepted our bitterness towards him as she had first accepted our enthusiasm, wordlessly and with understanding.
MEN ARE GROWN-UP BOYS
Well, unflattering as it may seem to our male vanity, nothing truer is ever said by a woman than, “After all, a man is just a little boy grown up”. And by “grown up”, they usually mean physically — perhaps in some ways mentally; but not emotionally and not in any mastery of our mistakes.
So you had best look to your future wife for a deal of tolerance.
Is she tolerant of her own dad, his talkativeness, his not overwhelming success in business, his tendency to brag about his golf score or what he said to the boss, his constant remembrance of the past, his repetition of the same joke on all occasions? Or does a sneer curl her lips and pity narrow her eyes when she mentions him?
You will need a lot of tolerance from your wife as the years go on. She must be willing to be satisfied with moderate success. The girl (perhaps fortunately rare) who is contemptuous of anything but the most expensive restaurants, the best seats at the ballet, the top-flight clubs, clothes from the superlative shops, may find you — intolerable.
Her tendency to despise anything but real wit may make your modest humour seem hardly worth listening to.
And if she has a biting way of tearing down the reputation of those she knows, will your reputation and fame and achievements be of so high a standard that they are out of the reach of her sarcasm and scorn?
Gentleness and tolerance in a wife are almost essential for a husband’s happiness. The girl who lacks these is going to be tough on the man she marries. He has my pity well in advance of the scorn which will blister his skin and the disapproval that will embitter and probably stunt his efforts.
AH, SWEET CONTENT!
The perfect wife is a strange blend of contentment and ambition. You can study that rather easily in the girl with whom you are going. Here and now she will tell you, and mean it, how much better you can do than you are doing; yet she will be pleased with what you actually accomplish and achieve.
“I’m so glad that you are going out for football. I’ll be in the stands cheering you when you snare the forward pass.” And, if the coach doesn’t object, she is around when you practise, giving you the inspiration and courage you need. But you never get off the bench for the first few games. “I know you’re chafing to get into the game; be patient; it’s an old, seasoned team, and before the end of the season you’ll be in there, and next year . . . that’s going to be your year.”
Ambition for you, yet content with what you achieve.
“Are you going to enter the short story contest? I liked that last story you published in the school magazine. Remember that plot you sketched out for me? Why don’t you write that?” You do, but when the awards are given, you get an honourable mention, and none of the cash prizes. “But remember, you are only a Junior. The winners were mostly Seniors.” Mercifully she does not mention that Sophomore who got the second prize. “Write that plot over again and next year I’m betting on you.”
Her discontent expresses itself in her ambitions for you and for herself. Her content rests upon an acceptance of whatever comes out of honest effort.
DISCONTENT?
Into your litany put “From discontented wife, O Lord, deliver me!” From the woman who is always comparing unfavourably what she has with what someone else has. From the woman who is angry at the success of others. From the woman who never seems to have enough. If you give her a pound box of chocolates, her look indicates she expected three pounds in a fancy container. If Dad gives her a dyed fur, she admits pettishly that he really could afford broadtail. She does not look at what she gets but at what she has not got. She doesn’t have fun in the blessings and gifts that come her way, but is sour and resentful at the blessings and gifts that go to others.
You need not be long with a girl to measure her contentment of mind.
Her attitude towards you will soon show whether her desire for your success is pride in you and ambition for your full development, or greed and envy and an appetite for things and more things and still more things that no millionaire could ever satisfy.
You’ll catch that in the way she orders her smaller brothers and sisters around and acts towards people who wait on her.
It is tough to be tied to a bossy woman.
It is a slavery to be married to a demanding woman.
Does she now expect you to spend more than you can afford and to buy her luxuries that are clearly beyond your allowance or income?
(To be Continued)
True beauty comes from within. If that beauty is lacking, no exercise program, eating plan, or wardrobe update can put it there. No interior decorating scheme can give it to me. “The unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit… is of great worth in God’s sight.” 1 Peter 3:4 – Emilie Barnes.
Your Children Will Love These Books! Review: Catholic Mother Goose, Volume Two, is a ‘one of a kind’ treasure for young and old alike! Little minds will be captivated by the beautifully colored and illustrated pages. Throughout the nursery rhymes, children will learn the lessons of kindness, unselfishness, the efficacy of suffering and the value of prayer! They will become more familiar with the lives of the Saints, St. Therese, St. Francis, etc. and their great love for Jesus and Mary. These beautifully written poems will plant the seed for good literature and a love for reading for years to come. This is how we make our Catholic faith and culture come alive for our children! This book is a must! Package Deal on Volumes One and Two here.
In this book, Kennedy Hall explores the traditional wisdom of the Catholic Church on all things pertaining to masculinity. It is no secret that in our day it is hard to define what a man truly is, let alone how he should act. With all the modern obstacles that work against forming virtuous men, Kennedy Hall provides a solution with this book. Terror of Demons: Reclaiming Traditional Catholic Masculinity will help men of all ages and stages in life to develop heroic masculine virtue, something greatly needed in our time.
Here’s the award-winning classic that for over forty years has shown Christian men how to be the loving husbands and gentle fathers that Christ calls them to be.
Rooted firmly in Scripture, these pages call on husbands to stop thinking of themselves simply as bosses and breadwinners. Rather, says author Clayton Barbeau, husbands should see themselves as co-creators with God, imitators of Christ’s love for His people, high priests in the domestic Church, teachers of their children, witnesses to society, providers of spiritual and material goods, and models of holiness.
This post contains affiliate links. Thank you for your support.
On this feast day of the parents of St. Therese of Liseux, we remember how one very virtuous man met one very virtuous woman, and they married because they wanted a truly Catholic home.
They focused on a quieter and simpler life, making home into a place where charity was felt, nourishing their children in it.
Louis and Zelie Martin had one of those extraordinary marriages which so few have; namely, because they focused on what was important: the time before marriage was not for any physical relationship, but on the discovery of whether the other person is deeply virtuous.
Making sure the good feeling inside did not get in the way of: truly observing the other person’s reaction when he doesn’t get his way, how he deals with suffering, if he can live without falling into mortal sin, and having many meaningful conversations.
So once married and the decision permanent, Louis and Zelie focused on the primary purpose of marriage…the bringing of children into the world and educating them, especially in the life of virtue and goodness.
Then…the giving of attention to the secondary end of marriage, the mutual support of one another.
What the Church means as “mutual support” are those things which a spouse needs, whether physical affection, emotional support, relaxation, and friendship.
For the husband, it is generally the need for a physical relationship, and for her, it is the need for communication and feeling supported by her husband.
But spouses generally do not understand these main needs of the other when first married because neither can understand how such a need is so prevalent.
For her, then, even when children fill the home, married couples have to maintain having time together, for time together requires an effort in a busy family.
At the minimum, there should be at least one hour a week set apart, even prearranged, that a husband and wife talk together.
The husband uses this time to truly listen to her, to learn the complexities in her heart and mind, and to appreciate her heart and mind.
So to inspire husbands of this importance, we turn to the words of a husband, Dr. John Barger, who learned the value of such listening… elaborating a bit on the pamphlet he wrote. He says:
The first decade of my marriage were spent unwisely: I was a tyrant, often domineering towards my wife and children, to the point that they feared me, and habitually resented me. I alienated my wife and children and lost their love.
Home was not a pleasant place to be – for them or for me, and my wife would have left me if it weren’t for the children. With 6 children already, a 7th was on the way.
But then, the unexpected occurred. The baby became detached from the placenta and my wife miscarried. I was there with her, and when my lifeless son was placed in my hands, I was faced with seeing the evil which is deeply rooted in this world, and afflicts even the most innocent. And I realized how many things were simply beyond my power.
I was forced to make a choice: to either rage or hate life, or to acknowledge how powerless I was to undo the things I did not think fair. At the same time, I also realized that important things which had been in my power, I had neglected.
I had treated my wife and children so poorly for so long that I lacked being an influence upon them, even worse, they disrespected me.
So the choice was before me: I could continue the same path and make their lives even worse by raging against my baby’s death, or I could make their lives better by learning to love them properly.
The choice was clear, and in an instant, with the grace of God, I chose the arduous, undramatic, discouraging path of trying to be good. And it was a daunting task!
During the next 4 years, many troubles arose: sick children, my mother died, I lost my job, and my wife had three more miscarriages.
Yet, I discovered that as I suffered, endured, and strove every minute to repudiate my anger, resentment, jealously, lust, pride, and other vices; charity began to surface.
I began holding my tongue, I admitted my faults, and I apologized for them.
I quit defending myself when I was judged too harshly, and I learned it was more important to love than to be right.
I spoke less of my own labors and sorrows, and as the focus turned away from me, it turned more to my wife: and I began to learn about the labors and sorrows of my wife.
I listening to my wife, really hearing her, and I was startled at how many and how deep were her wounds and her sorrows. And not just the ones I caused, but some from her own family, and others which all women feel:
Sorrows that arise from the particular physiological makeup of women,
Sorrows from her role as mother with its heavy responsibilities and dependency upon her husband.
Sorrows that arise from loving her husband and children intensely, but not being able to always keep harm away from them.
Sorrows that arise from how even the most chaste of women are regularly threatened by the lustful stares, remarks, and advances of men.
And sorrows that arise on how little respect society places on motherhood.
As I listened more and more to my wife, I realized how God made women more attentive, more tender, and more considerate. But this results is a greater intensity of suffering than most men ever realize, or could realize. And that she will generally not speak of these sorrows, unless the husband makes time to truly listen to her.
So I listened, not as I would towards another man and give solutions, but I let her explain how she was doing.
At times, I would ask probing questions to draw out what she was feeling, helping her articulate what was troubling her, and making sure I did not fall into my default setting of dismissing her troubles as insignificant.
As I came to better understand the sorrows which were piercing the heart of my wife, I realized that most women feel this way. Even Our Lady had her heart pierced many times.
God gave me this particular wife so I could be a comfort for her sorrows, sorrows which were woven in the very fabric of her daily existence, and I could alleviate some of the pains simply by listening to her disclosing her heart to me.
And as the years passed, I listened – patiently and attentively, I calmly sympathized with her, and wonderful effects occurred – including how she knew I understood her more clearly.
I learned that what she desires, and I should say, what she needs, is that I listen to her, spend time with her.
What seems insignificant in my masculine brain, to her, it is everything, and when I did listen, she was better able to bear her sorrows. I better fulfilled the role of being her support, her comfort, and she came to realize that I wanted to be in her presence.
It required great effort on my parts, years of learning to be gentle, offering support and encouragement, seeking to serve instead of being served.
Now for Dr. John Barger, it took 3 year of patience and listening about her deepest and most private aspects of life and soul, but after these 3 years, he said they came to know each other just as completely as two humans can know each other.
He saw how it greatly changed his wife: she overcame her cynicism, his love dissipated her anger, softened her, she was more forgiving of his faults, and she became his sweet refuge.
In those 3 brief years, they went from the verge of separating to being best friends.
So..on one’s wedding day, spouses surrender the rights of the body to the other,
For the husband, his ears are no longer his, but hers.
And when she needs them to support and comfort, he should offer them, just as she gives herself to him in other ways to support and comfort him.
For husbands, then, make sure each week has an hour of conversation – perhaps 30 minutes on 2 separate occasions is better for some.
If you do, you strengthen your wife, and encourage her to also perform magnanimous things for you and the family, because she is lifted up by the love of her husband.
Source: “Do you Love Me?” John L. Barger. Sophia Institute Press: Manchester, NH, 1987.
In marriage, each seeks to understand the other person, to meet and respond to the call of the other at each given moment. For the man this demands a knowledge not only of what it is he has married — a woman — but of whom he has married: this very personal, unique woman. Thus, the husband must drop his easy assumptions and superficial estimates of “women” and truly seek to understand and love this particular woman. -Clayton Barbeau, Father of the Family http://amzn.to/2GwtFvm (afflink)
Painting by Clarence F. Underwood, 1871-1929
Beautiful Vintaj Brass St. Joseph Wire Wrapped Rosary! Lovely, Durable…
Each link is handmade and wrapped around itself to ensure quality.
In this book, Kennedy Hall explores the traditional wisdom of the Catholic Church on all things pertaining to masculinity. It is no secret that in our day it is hard to define what a man truly is, let alone how he should act. With all the modern obstacles that work against forming virtuous men, Kennedy Hall provides a solution with this book. Terror of Demons: Reclaiming Traditional Catholic Masculinity will help men of all ages and stages in life to develop heroic masculine virtue, something greatly needed in our time.
Here’s the award-winning classic that for over forty years has shown Christian men how to be the loving husbands and gentle fathers that Christ calls them to be.
Rooted firmly in Scripture, these pages call on husbands to stop thinking of themselves simply as bosses and breadwinners. Rather, says author Clayton Barbeau, husbands should see themselves as co-creators with God, imitators of Christ’s love for His people, high priests in the domestic Church, teachers of their children, witnesses to society, providers of spiritual and material goods, and models of holiness.
This post contains affiliate links. Thank you for your support.
A man who had long given up the practice of his holy faith had a son of about fourteen years of age who had just received his first solemn Communion with sincere piety.
The father was very fond of him.
Shortly after the boy’s first solemn Communion the father accosted him one Sunday morning, saying he should get ready, for they were to go out together to hunt all day.
The boy replied; “Papa, I must go to Mass first.”
At this the father seemed to be peeved, and he rejoined: “Oh, you need not go to Mass now anymore; you are getting old enough to have more liberty.”
Now the boy appeared hurt, and asked: “Papa, does not the Third Commandment say: ‘Remember that thou keep holy the Sabbath Day?'”
“Third Commandment, nothing,” answered the irate father; “that does not mean anything.” The boy gravely looked up at his father and said solemnly: “Papa, if the Third Commandment does not mean anything, then the Fourth Commandment which says: ‘Honor thy father and thy mother,’ does not count either. If I do not have to honor God, I need not honor you.”
At this utterance the father grew pensive. He feared if he would not relent, he would lose his hold on his son. He therefore said cautiously: “Well, maybe it is better that you go to Mass; and I will go with you.”
He continued to accompany his son to Mass ever after to his own and the family’s welfare and happiness. The reason many Catholic parents lose out with their children and have no sway over them is often because they themselves disobey God and ignore his authority.
“If God’s authority means so little to them,” the children argue, “why should my parents’ authority mean anything to me?”
A Catholic couple shows the fear of the Lord by receiving the sacraments worthily and often.
They would dread to take the chance of doing without the heavenly food of our Lord’s Body and Blood for too long. They go frequently, of possible; even every day. They not only approach the holy rail themselves, but they see to it, that all the members of the family communicate often. Their example alone will usually be a sufficient factor to bring this about.
“One of the first essential elements in a wife is faithfulness, in the largest sense. The heart of her husband safely trusts in her. Perfect confidence is the basis of all true affection. A shadow of doubt destroys the peace of married life. A true wife, by her character and by her conduct, proves herself worthy of her husband’s trust. He has confidence in her affection; he knows that her heart is unalterably true to him.” -.J.R.Miller
Package Speciall! The Catholic Wife’s Maglet and The Catholic Young Lady’s Maglet…. Dear Catholic Wives, The following pages are for you…to inspire you in your daily walk as a Godly, feminine, loving wife. As wives, we have a unique calling, a calling that causes us to reach into our innermost being in order to give ourselves to our husbands the way Christ would desire. As we learn in Finer Femininity, we, as women, have the awesome responsibility AND power to make or break our marriages and our relationships. Let’s not wait to fix it after it is broken. The principles laid out in this maglet will work if we work them. It is all about self-sacrifice, submission, thankfulness, kindness, graciousness, etc. The world around us teaches the opposite and it is so easy for us to slip into this mindset. Let us use Our Lady as our model and learn the virtues of true womanhood.
Catholic Young Lady’s Maglet: This Maglet (magazine/booklet) is for you…dear young (and not-so-young), Catholic, Feminine Soul. It is a compilation of traditional, valuable Catholic articles on the subjects that touch the hearts of serious-minded Catholic young ladies. There are articles on courtship, purity, singleness, vocation, prayer, confession, friends, tea parties, obedience, etc. This information is solid, written by orthodox Catholic writers (most of them gone to their eternal home) that cared about the proper formation of a young Catholic adult in a confused world. Take this information to heart and your journey through adulthood will be filled with many blessings! It is 40 pages, packed with information. See photo for Table of Contents. My Disclaimer: This book is, in general, appropriate for ages 14 and up.
Author Mary Reed Newland here draws on her own experiences as the mother of seven to show how the classic Christian principles of sanctity can be translated into terms easily applied to children even to the very young.
Because it’s rooted in experience, not in theory, nothing that Mrs. Newland suggests is impossible or extraordinary. In fact, as you reflect on your experiences with your own children, you’ll quickly agree that hers is an excellent commonsense approach to raising good Catholic children.
Fr. Lawrence Lovasik, the renowned author of The Hidden Power of Kindness, gives faithful Catholics all the essential ingredients of a stable and loving Catholic marriage and family — ingredients that are in danger of being lost in our turbulent age.
Using Scripture and Church teachings in an easy-to-follow, step-by-step format, Fr. Lovasik helps you understand the proper role of the Catholic father and mother and the blessings of family. He shows you how you can secure happiness in marriage, develop the virtues necessary for a successful marriage, raise children in a truly Catholic way, and much more.
This post contains affiliate links. Thank you for your support.
Nature and Christian Tradition tell us that the father is the head of the home. That alone should suggest the dignity of fatherhood. Your dignity as a father rests, first of all, upon the fact that Almighty God has bestowed upon you the privilege of cooperating in the greatest natural mystery: the creation of human life.
Sons and daughters are yours in a sense that nothing else you may ever possess can be called your own. That thought carries with it a unique honor.
Even modern society, which has striven to forget the sanctity of marriage, retains this basic recognition. Your children are your dependents. They bear your name. They imitate many of your mannerisms, gestures, and modes of thought.
Much more: if you are a worthy father, and they are worthy children, they carry with them through life the training in virtue that you alone can impress on their young minds.
Pope Leo XIII reminds each father that he is “the head of the family” and stresses that “the right of property which has been proved to belong to individual persons must also belong to the man as the head of the family.”
This follows logically, because “it is a most sacred law of nature that a father must provide food and all necessities for those whom he has begotten, as well as what is necessary to keep them from want and misery in the uncertainties of this mortal life….
The father’s power is of such a nature that it cannot be destroyed or absorbed by the State, for it has the same origin as human life itself.”
St. Thomas Aquinas wrote, “The father according to the flesh has in a particular way a share in that principle which is in a manner universal found in God…. The father is the principle of generation, of education and discipline.”
Exert your fatherly authority early on…..
You should exert your authority as a father even when your children are babies. Your word should be something strong, good, and a little to be feared.
If your children learn to respect your authority even from their tender years, they will find that authority a tremendous power to guide those difficult, almost uncontrollable years of adolescence.
But if you let your wife do all the bossing, and are content to be another child yourself, you will be able to make only a feeble protest to youth’s tendency to disobedience and independence.
It is never too soon for you to take up your position of authority as a father if you wish to have it established as a guide for your youngsters later on.
Reflect the dignity of God’s Fatherhood…
Your children should enjoy the strength of your kind paternal authority. It gives them security. What is more, they are given security by the knowledge that their mother and father are united in matters of discipline.
It is dangerous when a child can obtain from a softer parent something that he has failed to obtain from a stricter one, or when parents quarrel in front of children over points of conduct.
In the full program of domestic education, you must take great care that you use your authority properly. Pope Pius XI said that normally a vocation to the priesthood is the result of the example and teaching of a father “strong in faith and manly in virtues.”
Therefore, fatherhood is a vocation in God’s service, to be held not lightly or frivolously, but with the serious determination of serious men.
Since it is a life’s work in His service, God offers His aid at every important step along the difficult road.
On your part, though, He expects cooperation with grace, which in turn calls for persevering good will, a spirit of sacrifice, and conscientious observance of God’s law made known by the Church.
“If you mostly ignore your children, turn them over to computer games, audio and visual media, telephone pals, and social events, they may continue to live in the same house, but you won’t find them on the same page. When a parent allows their child’s course to be set by the wind of chance, or the vapor of mere academics, they’re either praying for an unlikely miracle or are guilty of neglect. I think we can all agree that raising children is the greatest challenge and, potentially, the greatest blessing on earth. If children are in your care, your heart must always be on them, for their souls are in your hands.”
– No Greater Joy
Manly, sturdy and beautiful, this wire-wrapped St. Joseph Rosary will be a perfect Father’s Day gift for that special man in your life!
A very valuable book for the guys plucked out of the past and reprinted. It was written in 1894 by Fr. Bernard O’Reilly and the words on the pages will stir the hearts of the men to rise to virtue and chivalry…. Beautifully and eloquently written!
Probably nobody denies that the typical father exercises less authority in his home today than at any time in history. Reasons for this decline probably are of no interest or help in the present discussion; but the effect of it cannot be overlooked. For evidence accumulated by psychiatrists, social workers and similar experts proves unmistakably that when children lack a strong father to guide them, they suffer serious damage in many important ways.
Consider these facts:
There is a startling growth in homosexual tendencies among the young, and most authorities agree that the boy who develops feminine characteristics usually has had unsatisfactory relations with his father in one or several important respects.
Increases in juvenile delinquency–a headlined trend in every part of the country–are also due to the weak position of the father; the lack of an affectionate and understanding relationship between father and son is a prevalent characteristic in the background of boys charged with criminal offenses.
Many authorities also blame the shocking rates of divorce and marriage breakdowns to this cause. The fathers of those who cannot succeed in marriage often never gave their children a realistic example of how a man should live with his wife in this relationship.
The importance of the father as an example of manhood to his son and daughter probably cannot be overestimated.
For example, one day your son may marry and have a family.
To be a successful father, he should know how to train his children; how to treat his wife and their mother in their presence; what to discuss with them about his work; how to show them manual skills, such as repairing a chair or painting furniture; how to perform in countless other important areas. The best way to learn how to act as a father is to observe one in action.
What ideals will he display as husband and father? To a large extent, that answer will depend upon those he has learned from you, his father, in your own home. What part will he play in the religious education of his children? The answer will largely depend upon whether you have led the family to Mass each Sunday, whether you say grace before meals in your home, whether you take an active part in the spiritual life of your parish.
How should he act toward his wife–aloof, affectionate, domineering, docile? Here too the answer will mainly depend upon your example.
The adage, “Like father, like son,” is firmly based on fact. No matter how much he may resist your influence, your son will be like you in many different ways.
If your influence is wholesome, the effect upon him will be wholesome.
If you are a bad father, you will almost surely corrupt him in some significant way.
Remember also that you represent God before your child because you are–or should be–the figure of authority in your home.
He will be taught that he can always depend upon the mercy and goodness of the eternal Father, but it will be difficult for him to grasp the full importance of that teaching if he cannot rely upon the goodness of his earthly father.
It has been said that, in addition to giving wholesome example, a good father follows four fundamental rules in his dealing with his children.
First, he shows himself to be truly and sincerely interested in their welfare. Secondly, he accepts each child for what he is, and encourages any special talent which the youngster possesses. Thirdly, he takes an active part in disciplining his children. And finally, he keeps lines of communication open with them at all times. Each of these rules is worth detailed consideration, because the typical American father often ignores one or more of them.
Show an interest in your child’s welfare. You can do this by devoting time to him, every day if possible. Try to discuss with him his experiences, problems, successes and failures. By giving yourself to him in this intimate way, you give him the feeling that he can always depend upon you to understand and help him in his difficulties.
In a large family, it is especially important that you find time for intimate moments with each child. Every youngster should know that his father is interested in him as an individual, and is sympathetic with him and devoted to his welfare.
Modern fathers may find it more difficult to make their children an intimate part of their lives than did men of a few generations ago.
Today’s fathers often work many miles away from home. They leave for their jobs early in the morning and do not return until late in the evening, perhaps after the children are in bed. Unlike the men of an earlier age who often worked close to their homes, today’s fathers may seldom see their youngsters during the week. To offset this condition, they should try to devote as much of their week ends to them as possible.
This does not mean that you should be a “pal” to your children or that you must act like a juvenile, when aging bones may not permit this. But at family gatherings, picnics, trips to the ball park or even visits to the school, you are sharing leisure moments with them.
Accept your child and encourage his talents. One man hoped for a son, and found it impossible to conceal his disappointment when a girl was born. He now spends much time trying to inculcate masculine virtues in her and berates her constantly because she is not proficient at sports.
A successful lawyer prides himself upon his intellect and once hoped that his son would achieve great scholastic success. But the lad, now in high school, has shown no pronounced ability in academic work; however, he is skilled at working with his hands. He must face unending sneers from his father about his “stupidity.
A third man married a beautiful woman and expected his daughters to be beauties too. One girl is extremely plain, however. Even at the age of ten she knows that she is a complete disappointment to her father.
All of these examples indicate ways in which fathers display a lack of acceptance of their children. It is a fact that the qualities a child inherits–his physical attributes, aptitudes, and many other characteristics–are the result of chance. He may be a genius or an idiot: you should not claim credit if the first possibility occurs any more than you should feel ashamed for the second.
The moral is plain: your children are a gift from God, and you should always accept each of them in a spirit of gratitude. In fact, the saintly father will accept a defective child with greater gratitude, for God has offered him an opportunity to provide more love, affection and direction than the ordinary youngster might need.
Remember also that your child is an individual, with talents which you perhaps cannot appreciate. Let him develop them in the best way possible.
In attempting to learn why many gifted children do not go to college, researchers have found that their parents often have actively discouraged them. In a typical case, a father became wealthy through real estate investments and could easily afford college for a son with a strong aptitude in science. But the father accused the boy of trying to “put on airs” whenever college was discussed. Thanks to him, the son is now a misfit.
Don’t shirk unpleasant tasks of parenthood. “See your mother; don’t bother me” is a remark commonly made by one type of father. He returns from work, eats his dinner and then settles down to an evening behind his newspaper or before the television screen. When his children seek his aid with their homework or when they become unruly and require a strong parental hand, he is “too busy” to pay attention. Such an attitude tells a child that his mother is the true figure of importance in the family, while Dad is only the boarder who pays the bills.
It is not fair for fathers to enjoy all the pleasures of parenthood–to play with the children, to boast about their growth–and to give mothers all the painful duties. A father should discipline as often as the mother. If he fails to do so, he gives the children the idea that he does not stand with the mother in her efforts to instill proper manners and acceptable forms of behavior. As a matter of fact, in major matters the good father is likely to be the court of last resort. This is as it should be for his authority is more impressive and its effect more lasting than that of the mother.
Keep lines of communication open with your children. Teenagers often say that they cannot talk to their fathers about questions which disturb them. This breakdown in communication usually stems from one of three factors, or a combination of them. The father may be so severe in his discipline that he appears as a dictator in the youngster’s mind; in the past he has always been “too busy” to keep on close terms with his boy; or he has not given his youngster the respectful attention he should have.
Stalin-type fathers fortunately are on the way out in America, for most men have learned that it is easier to train a child with loving kindness than with brute force. But some stern unyielding fathers remain. They may beat their child into patterns of behavior that offend no one, but in the process they often create a bitter adult who is never able to confide fully in another human being.
The second and third possible explanations for a child’s unwillingness or inability to confide in his father may have even worse effects than the first. In the first instance, unless the father is a calloused brute, his child may at least discern evidence that his father is interested in his welfare. But when a father does not even care enough to concern himself with the child’s upbringing in any serious way, he evidences a complete absence of love or interest.
There are many things that human beings prefer to keep to themselves, and it is probably good that this is so. Your child should not feel that he must lay bare his innermost thoughts and desires. But he should know that in times of stress and strain he has a sympathetic and loving adviser to turn to. You will fulfill that role if you strive always to treat him with courtesy and sympathy, and with an understanding based upon your memory of the difficulties, problems, fears and aspirations of your own boyhood. Never ridicule him: it is the opposite of sympathy and probably locks more doors between father and son than any other action.
One who, in order to please God, perseveres in prayer although he finds no consolation in it, but rather repugnance, gives Him a beautiful proof of true love. –Fr. Gabriel of St. Mary Magdalen, Divine Intimacy
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SaveRooted firmly in Scripture, these pages call on husbands to stop thinking of themselves simply as bosses and breadwinners. Rather, says author Clayton Barbeau, husbands should see themselves as co-creators with God, imitators of Christ’s love for His people, high priests in the domestic Church, teachers of their children, witnesses to society, providers of spiritual and material goods, and models of holiness…
Using Scripture and Church teachings in an easy-to-follow, step-by-step format, Fr. Lovasik helps you understand the proper role of the Catholic father and mother and the blessings of family. He shows you how you can secure happiness in marriage, develop the virtues necessary for a successful marriage, raise children in a truly Catholic way, and much more…
This post contains affiliate links. Thank you for your support.
The human family is the last, sublime prodigy from the hand of God in the natural universe, the last and crowning wonder of the visible world on the seventh and final day of creation.
He formed man and woman and led them to the garden of paradise which He had planted and prepared so that they might cultivate and watch over it and exercise dominion over the birds of the air, the fishes of the sea and the beasts of the earth.
This is the regal grandeur which man still bears, even after his fall, and which lifts him above the world to contemplate the firmament and the stars, to brave the oceans, to walk upon the earth and master it and eke his living from it.
Perhaps you wives, aware of what we have said concerning the woman’s responsibility for happiness in the family home, felt in your hearts that such a responsibility should not devolve upon her alone but should be reciprocal and should include the husband no less than the wife.
And there surely came to your minds the case of more than one woman whom you know, or of whom you have heard, an exemplary wife dedicated to the care of the family to the limit of her strength but who, after years of married life, must still cope with rude, indifferent selfishness—perhaps even violence—on the part of her husband, a selfishness which, instead of diminishing, has increased over the years.
These heroic mothers of families are daughters of Eve, yes, but strong women generously imitating the second Eve, Mary, who crushed the tempting serpent’s head and climbed sorrowful Calvary to the foot of the Cross. We have not forgotten her.
The husband’s duty to his wife and children, arising first and foremost from his responsibility for their lives, chiefly involves his profession, his art or his craft. With his professional work he must provide their food, the necessary means for a secure livelihood, and adequate clothing.
His family must feel safe and happy under the protection he provides through his labor and foresight. The situation of an unmarried man is completely different from that of a man with a wife and children to support. He frequently meets with attractive but hazardous undertakings which offer the hope of great profit, but which easily lead down unsuspected paths to disaster. Dreams of fortune deceive the mind more often than they fulfill expectations.
Moderation of the heart and its dreams is a virtue which never does harm, for it is the daughter of prudence. Hence, a married man, even though there are no other moral problems involved, ought not to go beyond proper limits imposed by his obligation not to endanger, without very grave reasons, the security of his wife and children, those already born and those to come.
It would be different if circumstances beyond his power and control jeopardized the happiness of his family, as so often happens in periods of great political and social upheaval which engulf millions of homes throughout the world in mournful floods of fear, misery and death.
However, in deciding upon action or inaction in a venture of risk, he must always ask himself: Can I assume this responsibility in view of my family?
A married man is morally bound not only to his family but to society as well. Loyalty in the exercise of his profession, art or craft; trustworthiness upon which his superiors may place unconditional reliance; correctness and integrity in conduct which earn the trust of all who deal with him—are these not outstanding social virtues?
These fine virtues constitute the defensive rampart of domestic happiness and peaceful family existence, the security of which, according to God’s law, is the first duty of a Christian father.
We could add that since the reputation and public esteem of a husband affects the honor and standing of a wife, the man, out of respect for her, should strive to surpass his equals and distinguish himself in his own field.
Generally, every woman wants to be proud of her life’s companion. A husband is therefore to be commended who, out of noble feelings and love for his wife, spares no effort to do his best in his work and, as far as he is able, to accomplish outstanding results.
If by worthily and honestly improving himself through his profession or work, a man brings honor and consolation to his wife and children—since the children’s pride is their father—the man must likewise remember how much it means to family happiness if he always demonstrates in his thinking, his conduct and his speech consideration and esteem for his wife, the mother of his children.
The wife is the sun and the sanctuary of the family, the refuge of the tearful child, the guide of older ones, comforting them in their grief, calming them in doubts, giving them faith in the future.
She is the sweet mistress of the household. The consideration which you heads of the family bear her may be discerned in your faces, your looks, your voices, and from your greetings and conduct.
May it never occur, as is sometimes said, that married couples are distinguished from the unmarried by the indifferent, inconsiderate, even downright discourteous and rude behavior of the man towards the woman.
No, the behavior of a husband towards his wife must always be characterized by that natural and dignified attention and cordiality which marks a God-fearing, well-adjusted man who understands the inestimable good effect which mutual respect between husbands and wives has on the children.
The father’s respect for the mother is an incentive to the children to look upon their mother, and the father himself, with respect, veneration and love.
But a man’s contribution to the happiness of the home can-not be limited to considerate regard for his life’s companion; it must go further and seek to appreciate and recognize the work and effort which she silently and assiduously dedicates to making the home more comfortable, pleasant and happy.
With what loving care a young woman has planned to celebrate, as happily as her circumstances permit, the anniversary of her wed-ding to the young man who was to become the companion of her life and happiness and who now is about to return home from his office or factory. Look at the table, gladdened and beautified with delicate flowers. She planned everything herself, taking special care to select whatever pleases him best.
But when the husband arrives, he is late, gloomy and preoccupied, worn out from long hours of work, perhaps more difficult than usual, irritable because of unexpected difficulties. The happy and affectionate greeting falls on deaf ears and evokes no reply.
He never even notices the table so lovingly arranged; he merely observes that the meal especially prepared to make him happy is overcooked, and he complains, without thinking that it was because of his own delay and the long wait.
He eats hurriedly, having to go out again, he says, immediately after dinner. As soon as dinner is over, the poor young woman, who had dreamed of a delightful and memorable evening together with him, finds herself alone in the empty room and needs all her faith and courage to fight her tears!
Such scenes are frequent enough in everyone’s lifetime. A principle enunciated by the great philosopher Aristotle states that a man’s viewpoint is conditioned by what he himself is.
In other words, things appear proper or not according to one’s natural disposition or to the passions which move one, and you see how even the innocent passions, such as business affairs and events, as much as the emotions, cause us to change ideas and tendencies, to forget propriety and responsibilities, and to over-look kindness and courtesy.
Doubtless the husband could offer as his excuse exhaustion from overwork, aggravated by disappointments and annoyances. But does he think that his wife never becomes fatigued nor encounters problems?
Love, true and deep, in one or the other, ought to be and show itself stronger than boredom or fatigue, stronger than changes in weather or season, stronger than the shifting personal moods and the intervention of unexpected misfortune.
We must master ourselves no less than external problems, without giving up or becoming their prey. One must learn to brighten the countenance of reciprocal love with a smile, a thank you, an appreciation of affection and courtesy, and by giving joy to those who work for us.
Therefore when you men come home, where conversation and repose restore your strength, do not be quick to seek out little defects inevitable in every human endeavor; seek rather all that is good, great or small, which is offered you as the fruit of difficult efforts, solicitous care and affectionate feminine attention to make your home, however modest it may be, a little paradise of happiness and joy.
Do not make the mistake of acknowledging or loving these good things only in the depths of your minds and hearts. No, bring it to the surface and show it openly, particularly to the one who has spared no effort to procure it for you, and whose best and sweetest reward will be a loving smile, a gracious word, a pleased look, in which she will perceive your complete appreciation.
Her soul, her life, is given you “to dress and to keep” and on your appreciating her nature and her worth, on your knowing how to call forth by your love, your care, your devotion to her service, by the sunlight of your examples much more even than by your mere love and tenderness—must depend whether or not you shall have a home-garden, a paradise—or a hell upon earth. -Rev. Bernard O’Reilly, 1894
Review: A lovely way to incorporate prayer into your everyday life. I appreciate that this helps me journal my days as well as keep track of my prayers, show my gratitude, and express my love for God more and more. A great concept that is executed with grace and beauty…
Here is a marriage blueprint that every woman can follow. Happy marriages do not just happen, they are made. It takes three parties to make a good marriage; the husband, the wife, and the Lord. This book is concerned with helping the woman to become the wife desired and therefore loved that every man worth having wishes to find and keep.<P> This book sold over a quarter of a million copies shortly after its publication in 1951, and it was read by Catholics and non-Catholics alike. It is a practical manual. It should be read by every woman considering entering the matrimonial state and also by those women who are already married. It can also be read by men who may wish to see what a real challenge it is for a woman to live up to their expectations and how grateful they should be if they are blessed to find the woman of their desires…
Armed with Barbeau s wisdom, you’ll grow closer to your wife and to your children, while deepening your love for God. You’ll be able to lead your family to holiness amidst the troubles and temptations that threaten even the best of families today: infidelity, divorce, materialism, loneliness, and despair.
The Father of the Family makes good fathers and good fathers are the secret to happy homes….
This post contains affiliate links. Thank you for your support.
Fathers must imitate the love and authority of God
The vocation of husband also becomes the vocation of father when the married people become parents, either by giving birth or through adoption.
It is not surprising that the letter to the Ephesians, immediately after discussing the relationship between husband and wife, turns to a consideration of the relationship of parent and child.
“Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. ‘Honor your father and mother (this is the first commandment with a promise) that it may be well with you and that you may live long on the earth.’ ”
Still, none of us should invoke the commandment without pondering the words that follow and complete it: “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.”
“Of the Lord.” “In the Lord.” All members of a family are equal before God; all are unique and sacred personalities destined for the same eternal life. The natural hierarchy of authority in the family is protected from abuse by those words, “of the Lord.”
It is is not for himself that the father serves his family, but as a minister of Christ. Not only can he not require anything from his children contrary to Christian principles, but also he must see to it that the children subject to the authority shared by him and his wife are formed in Christ, through a discipline rooted in love and aimed at the gradual independence of the children as they mature.
The Christian father teaches and trains
Surely the father who makes the consequences of a child’s unacceptable act inappropriate to the act fails to discipline as the Lord would do. Remember that “to discipline” means “to teach.”
The tyrannical parent, the selfish or unfair parent — and how quickly children recognize unfairness! — is the one who rouses his child to constant, deep-seated resentment and rebellion.
Such fathers are, however, probably just as common as those who are overindulgent or indifferent, who refuse to discipline their children at all.
This lack of correction often disguises itself as love. These fathers rouse their children to resentment, too, the resentment the child feels at not having the order and serenity that only authority can impose and that the child subconsciously craves.
In addition, parents who are tyrannical, overindulgent, or indifferent incite in the child a resentment of any later attempt to impose discipline or authority.
Does it sound strange that we should be told that it is the kind father who is quick to discipline, that the man who exercises his authority is the friend to his child?
Yet any gardener knows that a beautiful flower or a healthy hedge is the result of pruning dead or wayward shoots. The undisciplined shrub, the unpruned rosebush, both soon turn ugly.
The father who loves his children — who wills their good —will not let them grow up without direction, training, and discipline. To do otherwise is to deprive them of that promise attached to their observance of the Fourth Commandment: “That it may be well with you and that you may live long on the earth.”
Nearly all of our “problem children,” our wayward youth, all of those children with whom things have not gone well and who are not headed for “a long life on earth,” come from homes where there was not a good, balanced sense of discipline and order.
“Responsibility is the trait of getting a job done that has been entrusted to you, and doing the job right, to the best of your ability, and having it done on time. This trait is especially needed when you have no one looking over your shoulder to make sure the job gets done.
This is what so many wives of today are lacking – a sense of responsibility for the work they do in their homes and for their families. You don’t have a time clock to punch or a manager coming by to check on you to make sure the job is getting done. Without this outside pressure, many of us just don’t do as good of a job at home as we would do somewhere else. What’s missing? That trait of responsibility.
Even when parts of your work are done by others, such as with daycare or hiring a housekeeper, your responsibility to see the job gets done is still yours. The children and the house are still yours to look after, and it is a serious flaw to take a lax attitude about your responsibilities.” -Fascinating Womanhood
“I’ve long been wanting a book on various virtues to help my children become better Catholics. But most books focused on the virtues make being bad seem funny or attractive in order to teach the child a lesson. I’ve always found them to be detrimental to the younger ones who’s logic hasn’t formed. This book does an awesome job in showing a GOOD example in each of the children with all the various struggles children commonly struggle with (lying, hiding things, being grumpy, you name it.) But this book isn’t JUST virtue training… it’s also just sweet little chats about our love for God, God’s greatness, etc…
And the best thing of all? They are SHORT! I have lots of books that are wonderful, but to be honest I rarely pick them up because I just don’t have the time to read a huge, long story. These are super short, just one page, and very to the point. The second page has a poem, picture, a short prayer and a few questions for the kids to get them thinking. It works really, really well right before our bedtime prayers and only takes a few minutes at most.
If you like “Leading the Little ones to Mary” then you will like these… they are a little more focused on ALL age groups, not just little ones… so are perfect for a family activity even through the teenage years, down to your toddler.” Available here.
An older book but very relevant today….Rooted firmly in Scripture, these pages call on husbands to stop thinking of themselves simply as bosses and breadwinners. Rather, says author Clayton Barbeau, husbands should see themselves as co-creators with God, imitators of Christ’s love for His people, high priests in the domestic Church, teachers of their children, witnesses to society, providers of spiritual and material goods, and models of holiness…
A very valuable book for the guys plucked out of the past and reprinted. It was written in 1894 by Fr. Bernard O’Reilly and the words on the pages will stir the hearts of the men to rise to virtue and chivalry…. Beautifully and eloquently written! This post contains affiliate links. Thank you for your support.
We will take a look at chivalry, this mindset in men and boys which guides them on how to behave not only towards their mother, but all women and girls.
Last month, we were reviewing the history of mankind during the Middle Ages, and during the 9th century. We recall how the Vikings, coming from Norway, Sweden, and Denmark invaded Europe. These barbarians were very evil: destroying everything they could: killing women and children, burning fields, and great fear seized the people.
The Holy Roman Emperor in Europe was unable to stop them, and it became difficult for people to merely survive. There were so many bandits and criminals, and when money became nearly worthless, land became the valuable commodity. So to safeguard one’s property, people would have to be hire soldiers to protect it.
But the average land owner did not have the money to hire men for a small army, so instead, gave their land and homes to the wealthy. They would now spend the rest of their lives working on this land and, in exchange, they would be provided food and protection.
This system was known as feudalism, and the men who provided the protection were called knights.
In these feudal communities, with the protection of the knights, a higher standard of morality prevailed and those who lived there could more easily practice Catholicism. This led to the additional duty of knights to protect religion and to maintain a peaceful atmosphere for virtue to flourish.
The symbol of the knight was his sword, and it was so important to him to defend the people, the property, and goodness that eventually there was a special blessing of the sword of a knight, and a ceremony to become a knight.
Catholic knighthood was a noble position in society, so that by the 11th century, some of the knights from France and Spain were sent on crusades to free the Holy Land from the Moslems who had seized the Catholic places in Jerusalem.
But it was not easy being a knight, there was a strict moral code to follow; and they had to exhibit the virtues of courage, honor and service.
Many stories of their bravery were spread to nearby towns, some making it into Western literature, as young boys would hear the stories, and desire the same valor, virtue, and goodness.
Since knights protected especially women and children, they would show special honor to all women. This soon led to a great honor of the most holy of all women, the Blessed Virgin Mary, keeping her as the model to protect all women.
The duties of the knights were to God, to their fellow Catholics, and towards women.
First to God: They would have to be faithful to God; being known by others that they follow all 10 Commandments and that they were champions of good against evil.
They also had duties to all Catholics: in their daily life, they were to shine as example of mercy, courage, valor, fairness, as they gave extra attention upon the weak and poor.
It is not easy for men to show great mercy and compassion; far easier for women, so knights had to have a great control of their anger, even though they hated evil.
They even had to be willing to lay down their lives for another, making no distinction between the poor and rich; as they were to die for anyone under their care.
Then, there were duties to women: to defend, to protect, and to have a general gentleness and graciousness to all women.
In our last review of history, we saw the High Middle Ages as a time when Catholicism flourished in Europe, and nations began to be formed with kings ruling larger areas.
The Knights continued during this time, and by the 14th century, they also had to defend the culture of a nation. The knight would have to be a shining example of that culture….Conducting himself in accord with the long standing customs of society – such as how to behave, what clothes to wear, having manners, such as when eating or greeting a person.
With the Protestant Revolution of the 16th century, chivalry began to decline in the 17th century, as men began to consider their own cares and wants over others; and the value of women, children, and customs began to fade.
So that at the beginning of the 20th century, with the rise of Communism, the world was faced with a great campaign for what was falsely understood as “gender equality” – trying to teach people that there are no real differences between men and women; that women can act and behave just like men.
This blending of male and female would make it difficult to distinguish one from the other; so that chivalry towards women was undone. Among the initial efforts was to force women into the workforce, thereby leaving the home.
Soon after, came the efforts to convince women to wear the same clothes as men.
During the next 50 years, the mother’s influential status in the home continued to fade using various tactics, until the 1960’s would strive to liberate women of the 6th commandment, separating motherhood from the beauty of marital love.
All along, though, women would suffer, for now cast down from their exalted positions in society and made closer to men, men would not tend to be chivalrous towards them.
Jobs in society, which used to require chivalry, would now also employ women, such as firemen, police, and the military.
Now we can be dismayed at the situation we are living in which does not promote chivalry, or we can respond by cultivating chivalry in our own family, especially your sons.
Boys naturally want to live by this chivalry code, but they have to begin at a young age….Especially in the way a boy treats women and girls, and anyone younger than he is.
He has to learn to watch over and defend the younger; to be gentle to his sisters, and have great honor for his mother.
Like the knights who exhibited goodness, honor, and great virtue; boys should have a great esteem for goodness and strive to be known by everyone more for his virtue than by being good at sports or having the latest games and gadgets.
This requires boys to learn manners: using a fork and knife to eat, how to use a napkin or a tissue instead of their shirt sleeve.
Then there are the verbal manners: to say “excuse me”, “thank you” and “please”.
Addressing their elders by the title of Mr., Mrs., or Miss; not shaking a woman’s hand unless she puts it out first but simply giving a nod or smile when he meets her, holding doors open when a girl approaches, for kindness expects this.
The clothes he wears should reflect decorum. There are times when play clothes are needed or when working outside, and then when in public, clothing should be respectable….Keeping shoes tied, wearing a belt, combing the hair, tucking in a shirt.
A boy should also strive for following social manners such as washing hands before eating and before exiting the restroom, and standing up when a woman enters the room.
This care for women begins by how he treats his sister. He must be taught that she is not like a brother who loves to wrestle, hit, and tease; rather she needs to be shown care and gentleness…That she is much different, and that difference makes her like a flower garden that he preserves carefully.
Knights also were known for their honesty and keeping their word; so a boy has to be faithful when he says he is going to do something, never lying.
It is good for a boy to learn that girls are much different on the inside; and he will learn this by how his father treats his wife, and how his mother chooses to display herself.
Does she hold herself as someone to be honored, keeping the traditional distinctions of manners, behaviors, dress, and etiquette, of motherhood?
A boy will be watching his sisters and learning about females, so it is good to teach your daughters how to sit like a lady, how to behave in the presence of a man or a boy.
And there is one thing mothers and daughters can do that may influence your sons more than anything else:
To show this we begin with …What is a universal sign? This is some image which has been so pressed into the memory of a person that it triggers a response which is so natural, that it seems the person does not really think before acting.
A symbol like a stop sign is so impressed in our mind. We see thousands of them in our life, that now, anytime a red, octagonal image is put somewhere, we naturally know we are supposed to stop.
If a student is taking a test, and there is a red, octagonal sign at the bottom of the page, he knows to stop, for it is the end of that test – no one told him how to act for that image is so ingrained in him.
Applying this to parents who are trying to teach a boy to be chivalrous, what is that universal image for a woman, remembering that a boy’s mind is wired to focus more on the visual?
What is some sign he will use to associate everything you teach him and everything he learns about girls?
It is the image still used by the world: the skirt. When you wish to use a public restroom, the sign of the person with a skirt is the women’s restroom.
So the more a son sees his sisters (even as babes and throughout life) wearing only girl clothes – skirts and not pants – his mind will collectively sum up what he gradually learns of women by that image of a skirt.
So that whenever he sees a woman in a skirt throughout his life, this image produces the immediate reaction to treat her chivalrously.
Proof of it is how a man is more likely to hold a door opened for you when you are wearing a skirt in public; not 100% of the time, but generally.
If the skirt is not the image that he uses, a man will have to find something else (and the mind of a man generally finds one part of her).
So whenever a person is approaching him, and he is determining if the person is a woman or man, there are not many other aspects of a woman he will universalize for females: the most common are 1) hair or 2) a private part.
But nowadays, some women have short hair, and some men have long hair. So the challenge before every man and boy here today is to be chivalrous.
First: To God by following all 10 Commandments, and also being known as a person who will not do bad things.
Second: Towards all Catholics by living a virtuous life, shining forth especially with mercy, courage, fairness, and giving extra attention towards the weak and poor.
Lastly: Towards all women and girls: protecting them, and treating them with gentleness (be a gentle man).
Being chivalrous is not always easy; it will take great effort, like the knights of old who had to be willing to even die for others.
The sword they needed was made of metal since their enemies used similar swords.
But people do not fight with swords in the United States, yet men still need a sword. Not made of metal, the sword we use today is the cross, made of wood. The cross has everything the Knights of today need: suffering pain well, enduring your burdens, not complaining when carrying the cross, but carrying it manfully and virtuously.
These make you chivalrous, into honorable knights;…Not of a castle, but of the Catholic Church; a Knight of Christ, and a Knight for the Blessed Virgin Mary.
Sources:
– Carroll, Anne. Christ the King, Lord of History. 3rd ed. Tan Book and Publ.: Rockford, IL., 1994.
Nature also gave man the instinct for the maintenance of manly honor and chivalry, which prompts him to earn the respect, attachment, and love of a pure woman.
Nature inclines him to be a chivalrous protector of her virtue and honor, making him willing to suffer any hardship in order to keep her innocence from every harm, as he would in the case of his own sister. -Fr. Lovasik, Clean Love in Courtship https://amzn.to/2JZBF8A (afflink)
Gemma’s poem from the Catholic Mother Goose Volume Two….
Pink of Perfection Apron! Feminine and Beautiful! Fully lined, quality material, made with care and detail. Available here.
A very valuable book for the guys plucked out of the past and reprinted. It was written in 1894 by Fr. Bernard O’Reilly and the words on the pages will stir the hearts of the men to rise to virtue and chivalry…. Beautifully and eloquently written!
A very beautiful book, worthy of our attention. In it, you will find many pearls of wisdom for a woman striving to be the heart of the home, an inspiration to all who cross her path. You will be inspired to reconsider the importance of your role of wife and mother! Written by Rev. Bernard O’Reilly in 1894, the treasures found within its pages ring true and remain timeless…
This post contains affiliate links. Thank you for your support.
Using Scripture and Church teachings in an easy-to-follow, step-by-step format, Fr. Lovasik helps you understand the proper role of the Catholic father and mother and the blessings of family. He shows you how you can secure happiness in marriage, develop the virtues necessary for a successful marriage, raise children in a truly Catholic way, and much more…
This post contains affiliate links. Thank you for your support.
