Regularly speaking kind and loving words brings the spirit of peace into your home. How do you talk to your husband in normal, everyday communication? Is your speech marked by soft, loving words?
What would your husband say if he were asked, “Does your wife communicate with you in a kind manner?”
Choosing to communicate with kindness and love in marriage is a spiritual discipline. We’re so wired to respond “in the same manner” that whenever a perceived provocation of any degree is felt, we react on autopilot. When challenging moments happen, you need to be ready, having prepared yourself with the truth that you are not the victim of your fleshly impulses.
You have the power to respond, in any situation, with a soft answer.
But what about all those other moments that fill the normal days of marriage? Are you speaking lovingly then? Consider these examples: “Hey, take out the trash,” versus, “Hey, babe, I’d love it if you could take out the trash . . . I sure appreciate you!”
“The doctor’s bill came. You need to pay it,” versus, “Is this a good time to talk about some bills that have come in?”
“On your way home, pick up some milk and eggs,” versus, “Hey, love, would you mind picking up some milk and eggs on the way home?”
When mundane things are referenced with kindness and love you are actually adding a layer of respect to your conversation.
You may have different discussions in your home, but the principle is the same. When you speak – even in the small, seemingly insignificant matters that make up the day – do so in a thoughtful manner.
Peace follows a soft approach. After all, it’s difficult to have strife with a person who is speaking to you in a gentle tone.
Purpose to be a woman who speaks kindly toward your husband. “And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you.” (Ephesians 4:32)
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Dear Blessed Mother,
You were the epitome of kindness, graciousness and gentleness when you sojourned on this earth. Please pray for me that I may become more like you each day…especially in my home with my husband. May I show him kindness in the words I speak and in the manner I speak them. And when I fall may I have the humility to admit it and get right back up again. In Jesus’ name, I pray. Amen.
If you would have children just and kind, well-mannered and truthful, be all these things yourself first. These virtues practiced by the parents, and insisted upon kindly and firmly from the children, are what go to make up that which truly deserves to be called “a good home.” – Fr. Lovasik, Painting by Dona Gelsinger
Little Lady’s Charming Crocheted Easter/Garden Party/Church-Going Hat!
Your little special lady will look charming in this beautiful handcrafted Crocheted Hat! Every flower, petal and bow is handmade with care. The unique combination of colors will add the final touch of elegance to your little girls outfit! It will be perfect for Church and other special outings! Available here.
Women historically have been denigrated as lower than men or viewed as privileged. Dr. Alice von Hildebrand characterizes the difference between such views as based on whether man’s vision is secularistic or steeped in the supernatural. She shows that feminism’s attempts to gain equality with men by imitation of men is unnatural, foolish, destructive, and self-defeating. The Blessed Mother’s role in the Incarnation points to the true privilege of being a woman. Both virginity and maternity meet in Mary who exhibits the feminine gifts of purity, receptivity to God’s word, and life-giving nurturance at their highest.
You’ll learn how to grow in wisdom and in love as you encounter the unglamorous, everyday problems that threaten all marriages. As the author says: If someone were to give me many short bits of wool, most likely I would throw them away. A carpet weaver thinks differently. He knows the marvels we can achieve by using small things artfully and lovingly. Like the carpet weaver, the good wife must be an artist of love. She must remember her mission and never waste the little deeds that fill her day the precious bits of wool she s been given to weave the majestic tapestry of married love.
This remarkable book will show you how to start weaving love into the tapestry of your marriage today, as it leads you more deeply into the joys of love.
This post contains affiliate links. Thank you for your support.
A single ounce of gold in a poor country and a little gratitude in marriage are alike; they both go a long way.
Everyone wants to be valued. Everyone wants to be appreciated. When was the last time you looked your husband in the eyes and sincerely expressed, “I’m so grateful for . . .” or “I really appreciate you because . . .”?
What is there to be grateful for?
Did you have breakfast this morning?
Is there heat in the house in winter?
Does he protect your family?
Is he faithful to you?
Does he play with the kids?
Is he kind?
Did he unplug the toilet?
Does he come home to you at the end of every work day?
Every wife has good reasons to be grateful, even if it takes some effort to think of those reasons. But being grateful isn’t enough. We must express our gratefulness, in order for it to have meaning and power.
In our home, we often talk about how, when there is a lack of appreciation from a spouse, we immediately assume the worst. Not only do we not feel appreciated, but we start imagining that the person may be thinking critically about us. It’s human nature.
You wouldn’t say you’ve been taking him for granted, would you? Certainly not intentionally! But that’s how a lack of expressed appreciation works. We’re just busy and don’t take the time to communicate.
Most men won’t say anything. They’ll just keep soldiering on, but what a refreshing drink the smallest word of appreciation can be.
The power of gratefulness runs both directions – to the giver and to the receiver.
Being grateful means you’re going to have a great day! It’s impossible to be annoyed and miserable when you’re grateful.
When you express sincere gratitude, it starts a powerful, positive communication cycle and builds value in the heart of your husband. It binds his heart to yours.
Are you a thankful, grateful wife?
“In everything give thanks; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.” (1 Thessalonians 5:18)
Dear Lord, Please help me to exude a spirit of gratitude for my husband. I pray he will feel like he’s married to the most grateful woman he’s ever met – that he truly feels my appreciation for him on a daily basis. In Jesus’ name, amen.
Challenge:
Tell your husband three things that he does on a regular basis that you appreciate but realize you haven’t ever expressed thankfulness for.
In your living room and bedrooms, you should have at least one symbol of your faith–a statue of the Savior and the Blessed Mother, a crucifix, pictures which bring to mind events in the life of Our Lord. -Rev. George Kelly, 1950’s
Are your thoughts building a castle or a manure pile? It is vital to control the thoughts we have in our most important relationship…the one with our husband!
Beautiful Blessed Mother Marbled Green Wire Wrapped Rosary! Lovely, Durable. Each link is handmade and wrapped around itself to ensure quality.
Come Rack! Come Rope! is a historical novel by the English priest and writer Robert Hugh Benson (1871–1914), a convert to Catholicism from Anglicanism. Set in Derbyshire at the time of the Elizabethan persecution of Catholics, when being or harbouring a priest was considered treason and was punishable with death, it tells the story of two young lovers who give up their chance of happiness together, choosing instead to face imprisonment and martyrdom, so that “God’s will” may be done. It is perhaps the best known of Benson’s novels, and has been reprinted several times…
“The Earls of Ravenhurst must always stand for God and Our Blessed Lady, let the cost be what it may!” In seventeenth-century Scotland lies Ravenhurst, the stronghold of Clan Gordon, a family whose reputation for defending their people and their Catholic faith is legendary. But now the rights and lives of Scottish Catholics are in grave peril, and a traitorous usurper controls the clan. With the help of his mother, the “renegade priest,” and other heroic allies, young Charles Gordon must strive in the face of persecution and martyrdom to defend the true faith and restore to Ravenhurst a good, noble, loyal, and Catholic earl….
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The Church has always had full confidence and absolute trust in Christ and His fidelity. She was never suspicious or jealous of Him. At times it almost seemed as though He was neglecting His fidelity to her.
In the bloody persecutions that threatened her with extinction she had to take refuge under the earth to be safe from her cruel enemies. She might have asked: “Where is my divine Spouse? Why does He not hurry to my defense? Why does He suffer me to be reduced to such a pass? Has He forgotten me? Is He going after a strange love, after another church that is to replace me?”
Not once did the Church harbor the least suspicion of His loyalty. All appearances to the contrary notwithstanding, she was always sure and restful in her trust in Him, in His timely help and abiding protection.
This is the manner of confidence a Catholic woman places in her husband. She is not only convinced of his unwavering fidelity to her, but she lets him know and feel that it is not in her power ever to doubt or question his conjugal loyalty.
From the beginning, therefore, of her married life she consistently rejects every temptation to suspiciousness and every inclination to jealousy. She fights shy of all those insidious female whisperers, whether they pose as well-meaning relatives, disinterested friends, or solicitous neighbors or acquaintances, who try to poison her marital happiness by the venom of malicious gossip or slanderous insinuations implicating her husband.
The source of these hypocritical confidential advices is usually nothing else but base jealousy, that is stung by the sight of the nuptial bliss of others and goes out ruthlessly to disturb or destroy it.
Much more is a good woman on her guard not even by way of a joke to make a remark to her husband, or to cast a slur or aspersion intimating that perhaps he is not so true as he pretends or ought to be. One such ill-advised joke has often demolished the sweetest connubial love forever.
The Church Works and Suffers for Christ
The love of the Church for Christ is not only theoretical and sentimental, but it is active and practical. The Church works and suffers for Christ, cheerfully and continuously, the more the gladder.
Whatever she does: if she baptizes children, absolves sinners, invites communicants to the Holy Altar, clothes nuns, ordains priests, consecrates bishops, crowns popes, builds churches, schools, seminaries, colleges, orphanages, hospitals, and the like, sends missionaries abroad in the land or into foreign countries: it is all and exclusively for Christ.
She does not seek her glory, but that of Christ. His joy is her joy, His victory is her victory, His triumph is her triumph.
In like manner a good woman’s love for her husband is not merely made up of sweet sentiments, honeyed phrases, or sentimental demonstrations: but it shows itself in active work, in practical enterprises, and in vital sacrifices for her husband.
She takes a lively interest in his work or business, and assists him in either or both, directly or indirectly, according to her capacity. Above all she aims to render home to him what it should be to every good man: a haven of rest for the body and mind, a harbor of true happiness for the heart, and a genuine inspiration for the soul; a magnet to his entire being, from which he separates himself but with a pang, for which he longs with desire, and to which he returns with delight.
To make such a paradise of her little home she spares neither thought nor study nor labor nor sacrifice. She feels happy and comfortable in knowing that she is contributing to the happiness and comfort of her husband.
She loves, nourishes and cherishes her husband as her own body; and in loving him she loves herself and procures for herself the highest bliss this life contains.
The Disloyal Wife
In reviewing this ideal attitude of a Christian wife, many a woman may have to admit that in her life she fails to exhibit it. Perhaps her attachment to her husband is not so constant and whole-hearted as it should be.
She has been disappointed in, or has grown tired of, married life. She begins to feel that she made a poor choice of a mate at best, and that she might have fared much better had she given herself more time to look about and select with care, or had she accepted the advances of this one or that one.
The effect of such and similar thoughts and imaginations upon her marital fidelity is not good. She soon begins to weaken and long for other loves and new thrills of sexual alliances.
There may be conditions at home or elsewhere that nurse her temptations and fan her adulterous longings into real and effective desires.
As the first woman, she gives ear to the insidious serpent, appearing to her in the way of a novel or magazine story, which she should have never read; or of a theatrical play or movie, which she should have never seen; or of a male friend or acquaintance, whom she should have never met; or of a boarder, roomer, laborer, salesman, or some professional man, whose first unbecoming approach or illicit advances she should have definitely and finally repulsed: the result is fatal and disastrous, to her virtue as well as to her peace, and often to her whole life’s happiness and career.
“The wages of sin is death.” Resist the beginning, and you will never have to regret the end, of sin.
Vocations: The Married or Religious Life….”Similarly God has fitted and qualified each person for a peculiar sphere of life. Whoever adopts the life he is created for, and pursues it properly and fervently, will achieve great success and much happiness; whereas if one seeks to follow a life for which he is not adapted, he will necessarily incur disappointment and failure. Many a plant thrives wonderfully in the tropic zone, which is pitifully dwarfed and stunted in the temperate or arctic zone, In the same way many a person prospers immensely in a given vocation,who would be the merest bungler in another calling.” -Youth’s Pathfinder, Rev. Fulgence Meyer, 1927
Lenten Giveaway!!
The winner will receive these lovely items to add to your Lenten/Book collection!
Just leave a comment by following this link and your name will be added to the “hat”! Winner will be announced next Tuesday, Feb. 6th!
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In With God in Russia, Ciszek reflects on his daily life as a prisoner, the labor he endured while working in the mines and on construction gangs, his unwavering faith in God, and his firm devotion to his vows and vocation. Enduring brutal conditions, Ciszek risked his life to offer spiritual guidance to fellow prisoners who could easily have exposed him for their own gains. He chronicles these experiences with grace, humility, and candor, from his secret work leading mass and hearing confessions within the prison grounds, to his participation in a major gulag uprising, to his own “resurrection”—his eventual release in a prisoner exchange in October 1963 which astonished all who had feared he was dead.
Powerful and inspirational, With God in Russia captures the heroic patience, endurance, and religious conviction of a man whose life embodied the Christian ideals that sustained him…..
Captured by a Russian army during World War II and convicted of being a “Vatican spy,” Jesuit Father Walter J. Ciszek spent 23 agonizing years in Soviet prisons and the labor camps of Siberia. Only through an utter reliance on God’s will did he manage to endure the extreme hardship. He tells of the courage he found in prayer–a courage that eased the loneliness, the pain, the frustration, the anguish, the fears, the despair. For, as Ciszek relates, the solace of spiritual contemplation gave him an inner serenity upon which he was able to draw amidst the “arrogance of evil” that surrounded him. Ciszek learns to accept the inhuman work in the infamous Siberian salt mines as a labor pleasing to God. And through that experience, he was able to turn the adverse forces of circumstance into a source of positive value and a means of drawing closer to the compassionate and never-forsaking Divine Spirit.
He Leadeth Me is a book to inspire all Christians to greater faith and trust in God–even in their darkest hour. As the author asks, “What can ultimately trouble the soul that accepts every moment of every day as a gift from the hands of God and strives always to do his will?” This post contains affiliate links. Thank you for your support.
How grateful I was to enjoy Thanksgiving dinner with you and Michael while I was traveling through St. Louis!
In the gentle and affectionate way that you and Michael looked at each other, I sensed the great reverence you have for each other and I could see how your love has blossomed despite the minor obstacles you both have encountered.
As I said to you at breakfast, even good marriages are sometimes difficult and require great patience and forbearance. Marriage thrusts spouses into such an intimate relationship twenty-four hours a day that small irritations arise in even the best of marriages.
I think, however, that one widespread modern attitude aggravates our difficulties in marriage and in all our other relationships: lack of reverence.
I don’t only mean lack of reverence for God. I also mean lack of reverence for other persons and even for things: the failure to recognize the inner nobility and worth of persons and things which leads to the failure to treat them with the deep, tender respect that is due to them.
In his writings, my husband called reverence “the mother of all virtues” and stressed that reverence is the key to a happy life and certainly the key to a happy marriage.
Only the reverent person adopts the right attitude toward his wife, his children, other people, and God. The irreverent person, on the contrary, approaches others with a basically self-centered attitude. He views the world as a means for his personal satisfaction: “How can these things satisfy my desires?”
In doing so, he deprives himself of the greatest and most beautiful things human life can offer, including friendship and love, which are destroyed by the arrogance that forms the heart of lack of reverence.
One of the most ominous symptoms of our contemporary age is its lack of reverence – for people, for sexuality, for the mystery of life, for death, and last but not least, for God.
Lack of reverence is so much a part of modern society that we must constantly be on guard lest we, too, unconsciously be infected with it. We all sin against the dignity of other persons, often in shameful ways.
I recall a wife who treated her china with amazing care, while regularly speaking harshly to her husband. There are men who address their bosses with great respect but treat their wives with no reverence at all.
“Familiarity breeds contempt,” says the proverb. Unfortunately, it contains some truth. It’s up to us to falsify it. Especially after a difficult day at work when you both return home tired and exasperated, it’s easy to be testy with your spouse.
Although it’s usually difficult in such circumstances, you both must continually remain conscious that your spouse is a person made in God’s image and likeness, a being of tremendous dignity, who is to be respected and loved.
Continue to show your reverence in the tone of your voice, in your attitudes, in your gestures, in the way you touch each other. The beauty of your marriage to Michael depends to a large extent upon your enduring reverence for each other.
The closer you are to Michael, the more you should tremble with reverence. I personally am convinced that many marriages flounder because there is no reverence between the spouses.
No marriage can survive our tempest-tossed existence without it. My visit with you last week convinces me that you already understand much of this.
If you sometimes fail in this domain, the main thing is to acknowledge your failings, ask for forgiveness, and start over again with renewed courage. To hear from you and to know you’re happy would be a joy.
Lovingly, Lily
“Happiness in marriage must be earned. It is something you must work out for yourself, chiefly by forgetting yourself and serving others. No marriage is a success unless less you make it so, and that takes persistent effort and, still more, a constant and humble reliance on God.” – Fr. Lawrence G. Lovasik. The Catholic Family Handbook
Here is a marriage blueprint that every woman can follow. Happy marriages do not just happen, they are made. It takes three parties to make a good marriage; the husband, the wife, and the Lord. This book is concerned with helping the woman to become the wife desired and therefore loved that every man worth having wishes to find and keep.<P> This book sold over a quarter of a million copies shortly after its publication in 1951, and it was read by Catholics and non-Catholics alike. It is a practical manual. It should be read by every woman considering entering the matrimonial state and also by those women who are already married.
We all have it . . . the desire, the longing for love. God meant for marriage to be beautiful, resilient . . . lovely, but this broken world can make it hard sometimes. 100 Ways to Love is a practical guide to find and live in the rich, fulfilling marriage God intended for husbands and wives. You can get beyond just living in the minimum of your relationship. Ladies, we have one shot at loving our man. We all have the capacity and capability to love him and to do it well. It’s time for our marriages to start thriving in love.
This post contains affiliate links. Thank you for your support.
Father Leo J. Kinsella spent many years as a judge in the matrimonial court of the Chicago Archdiocese. During that time, he had the opportunity to explore intimately the factors that led to difficulties in many hundreds of marriages.
In his excellent inspirational book, The Wife Desired, he declared: “I have no recollection of a single broken marriage wherein the wife was primarily to blame and at the same time an inspiration to her husband.
Failure and inspiration do not mix well. The ability to inspire her husband is the wife’s best guarantee of success in marriage. Only if she fails to inspire need she be fearful for their love and the future of their marriage. . . . ”
Take it from me, ladies, inspiration is your love potion. Men wander through the cold world seeking the warm eyes of inspiration like a thirsty deer standing at a fountain of water. Not having it, they are lost souls.
On finding it, they leap for joy, and the very mountain breaks forth into singing. So, be kind, ladies, lest men die of hunger and thirst. Give hope and encouragement to carry on. It is so easy for you; just be as God made you, his loveliest creatures.”
A national magazine has adopted the slogan, “Never underestimate the power of a woman.” This reminder actually is more necessary for women than for men. It is especially necessary for wives.
Most of them vastly underestimate their ability to inspire their husbands. Some do not even know that they possess this power. Others are but dimly aware of it.
Yet the fact remains that in most marriages, the wife who inspires can lead her husband to undreamed-of heights, or by neglecting her ability to inspire, can drag him down to dreary depths.
Every husband desires his wife to be a step above him, leading him upward. His wife must never descend from the level that her Creator, her sex, and even her husband expect of her.
It is she who must keep the spiritual standards of a family high. Despite all obstacles, it is she who must, by example and prayer, inspire him to do better.
Occasionally wives not only underestimate their ability but also their obligation to inspire their husbands spiritually. The wife who keeps herself modest, pure and above suspicion, by that very fact contributes to her husband’s inspiration and to his spiritual enrichment.
Nor should a wife underestimate her ability to inspire her husband emotionally. By nature, men become discouraged easily. Those in the business world literally go to battle every day.
They constantly struggle with others for promotion, for competitive advantages, for financial advancement. They often suffer disappointments and frustrations. And when they return to lick their wounds after a depressing day in the “business jungle,” it is their wives—and they alone—who can heal the wounds and restore the spirit.
A wife must strive to let her husband know that she has faith in him, that she is cheering for him in his battles, and that his wounds, defeats and triumphs are her wounds, defeats and triumphs.
Inspiring your husband to carry on in adversity may often be difficult. Sometimes he will welcome words of encouragement and will accept advice. Sometimes he will confide in you fully. At other times, he will be visibly disturbed but unwilling to discuss his defeats. He may reject your efforts to cheer him. Suggest how he might handle his problem more successfully, and he may accuse you of trying to run his affairs.
The wife who takes her duty to inspire seriously will accept these rebuffs patiently. She will not forget that the basic purpose of inspiration is to make her husband realize that he is a better person with greater capabilities than he himself realizes.
Praise—a continuing stream of it, in both direct and subtle forms—is the main tool of the wife who inspires. “But my husband is conceited enough,” many wives reply at this point. “All he talks about is how good he is. His virtues are his favorite subject, and I doubt that I could get a word in even to agree with him.”
Wives who make a comment of this type are revealing why their husbands are so conceited—the men get so little inspiration at home that they find it necessary to bolster their egos by constantly reminding themselves and others of their superior qualities.
The man who is frequently complimented for his capabilities does not have to remind others of them. Only when his wife or others fail to provide praise does he resort to “do-it-yourself” compliments.
Except in rare pathological cases when no amount of inspiration will suffice, the average man will reduce his own boasting almost in direct proportion to the quantity of praise heaped upon him by his mate.
Of course, inspiration is not a one-way street. Wives need it too. In fact, most need more of it than their husbands. Someone once suggested that an ideal way to make man and wife appreciate each other would be for him to take care of the children and the housework for a week, while she went to business and struggled through his daily problems. This suggestion has merits.
The typical male has only the vaguest conception of his wife’s duties and problems at home with the children all day long—and of the admirable way in which she handles them. Almost without exception, young mothers feel a need for adult companionship.
Throughout the day, they talk to their children in simple language and discuss simple subjects. The man who goes to business and talks to grownups does not know of his wife’s lonely days. Rarely does he realize the added loneliness she feels when after conversing with infants or children in one-syllable words from dawn to dusk, she then faces a mate who does not care to talk to her at night.
A mother becomes discouraged, too. At times, her discouragement can exceed that of her husband. She needs to be told that her children are making progress and that she is doing a superb job of raising them. The husband should remember his wife’s needs along with his own.
Know how to compliment! To be an inspiring husband or wife, you should learn the art of paying a compliment. As simple a comment as, “You sure have a way with pies” will bring a pleased smile to her face—and pie to your plate more often. A compliment to your husband when he’s well turned-out—”My, isn’t Daddy handsome!”—will do far more to keep him out of those disreputable slacks than caustic comments ever will. You will find that the course of your married life will run more smoothly if you learn to say the pleasant word.
Husbands and wives who have been married for a long time sometimes take each other so for granted that the paying of compliments falls into disuse. Some partners even reach the point at which they confess that they cannot find qualities to praise in the other.
Of course, everyone has virtues. It should be easiest for you to recognize these virtues in your mate, because these characteristics attracted you in the first place.
Learn to spend time each day dwelling on your mate’s good qualities. As you consider them, you may realize that you have more to be thankful for in your partner than you have realized.
Moreover, looking at the positive side is a certain antidote to one of the great blemishes on modern marriage: the urge to indulge in self-pity.
Self-pity is the major device of people who feel that the world has given them a bad deal. It is particularly prevalent among men and women who are prone to dwell upon their mates’ defects—and not upon their virtues.
A final caution to wives: While you should accept fully your obligation to inspire your husband, carefully draw a distinction between inspiring him so that he will grow in a spiritual and emotional way, and inspiring him solely for the sake of material success.
We live in an age when success is measured by the better home, the bigger car, the more fashionable fur coat. But money can never substitute for the true love of a husband and father, and the wife who encourages her husband to get ahead in business at the sacrifice of spiritual values often later regrets it, because her constant spurring may cause him to put material goals above all others.
Of course, some husbands become obsessed with material goals on their own; then their wives should strive to make them realize that growth of the spirit is of far greater importance than growth of a bank balance.
To Catholics marriage is a sacrament, symbolizing beautifully in the love of husband and wife the tenderness with which Christ regarded His spouse, the Church. While to others marriage may become a mere civil contract as prosaic as the making of a will or the taking of a partner into one’s grocery business, to Catholics it is a holy thing, a contract that Christ has transformed into a channel of untold grace for mankind. The Catholic Church believes firmly in the possibilities of so sacred an institution. -Fr. Daniel A. Lord, 1950’s
A Rule of Life for a Catholic woman, no matter what walk of life she may be in, is very valuable. It will save her from caprice and will help her to accomplish much in her vocation and her personal journey of sanctity…
A beautiful and colorful 30~Day Journal!
This journal is for the single lady who is in the interim before finding her vocation in life. At this very important crossroad in life, this journal can help with discipline, inspiration and encouragement. All of the quotes deal with a young lady’s time in life….whether it is courtship, religious vocations, modesty and just a better spiritual life in general.
A form of Morning and Night Prayers that I have used personally through the years is included at the beginning of the Journal.
This 30~day journal is a tool that will help the young woman to be disciplined in the next 30 days to write down positive, thankful thoughts. It will help her focus on the true and lovely by thinking about good memories, special moments, things and people she is grateful for, etc., as she awaits the time her vocation is made manifest to her. NOW is the time to improve our lives! Available here.
There’s nothing complicated or magical about learning to be kinder; it just takes greater attention to the things that you do and how you do them. The Hidden Power of Kindness shows you how to become more aware of even your most offhand daily actions. You’ll find simple, step-by-step, and spiritually crucial directions for how to overcome the habitual unkindnesses that creep undetected into the behavior of even the most careful souls.
From the thousands of personal letters by St. Francis de Sales comes this short, practical guide that will develop in you the soul-nourishing habits that lead to sanctity. This post contains affiliate links. Thank you for your support.
To be a good wife, you must first understand your husband, recognizing the fundamental aspects of his character and how his personality differs from your own.
Secondly, you must accept him—accept him not only as a man, but as a man with an individuality unlike that of any other man on earth.
Finally, you must inspire him to achieve the fullest spiritual and emotional growth of which he is capable.
The good husband must also understand, accept, and inspire his wife so that she can achieve her full potentiality as a woman.
Let us examine these three requirements in detail.
Understanding:
Probably everyone over the age of six knows that men and women are different. Few of us understand the full extent of that difference. Their fundamental life interests are different; they think in a different way; they react differently to various emotional and physical stimuli.
The man who expects his wife to handle household affairs as he handles his affairs in the office, therefore, is expecting the impossible.
The woman who expects her husband to react as she does to the cry of a child overlooks the fundamental differences between the sexes.
Men are men, made with personality characteristics designed to help them do their work of providing leadership. Women are given endowments to enable them to perform their functions as bearers and educators of children.
As a result, a woman generally is more idealistic. She sees things in a more romantic, more emotional way. Her husband prefers to think of himself as more logical.
Faced with his wife’s statement that she dislikes one of his friends, he may demand to know why, appealing to her sense of logic. Because she thinks in a more intuitive way, she may not answer logically. “I can’t tell exactly why I dislike him,” she may say. “I just don’t feel he is a good influence.”
A man tends to be quick in his decisions. A woman tends to be slower and more deliberate. Observe how men and women shop at a department store. Before he enters the shop, the male has a fairly clear idea of what he wishes to buy. He goes directly to the appropriate counter, examines two or three samples, and makes his purchase. In a few minutes he is out of the store and about other business.
On the other hand, his wife usually will have no clear picture of what she intends to purchase. As she walks to the counter, she debates whether she should get one particular brand—or something else. She examines not three samples, but half a score, sometimes even as many as the clerk has in stock.
And even as she walks away with the package under her arm, she is not sure that she bought the right thing. She may still change her mind the next day and ask the shop to exchange the merchandise.
In his role as provider, the man must usually make decisions and act upon them quickly, and he generally cannot afford the luxury of worrying about them once they are made. Such emotions as he may have are pushed down deeply because of his continuing need to be decisive.
On the other hand, God has designed woman to be emotional. She could be no other way and still fulfill her goal of motherhood. The newborn infant and the young child need demonstrated affection, kissing and manifestations of love, just as they need food and clothing. A woman lacking the ability to give that love would be poorly equipped for her role.
A woman usually is less confident of herself—her attractiveness, her qualities as wife and mother—than her husband would admit to being about himself.
She wants to know that she is needed and loved, that her husband and children value her services. Her husband needs love just as desperately, but generally will not admit it openly. He seeks recognition of his masculinity. He must know that he is a satisfactory lover, that he is professionally competent, that he has personal charm.
Being direct, the typical man has no time for the subtleties characteristic of women’s thinking. If he says to his wife, “Let’s go out to dinner tonight,” he usually means just that. Her reaction is likely to be, “Does he say that because he dislikes my cooking? Has he done something he is trying to hide? Is it because of that cute waitress?”
If you try to understand your mate’s nature, you will be able to deal competently with problems that result from it.
Here are two examples: A husband usually returned home from work each evening in a highly irritable mood. His wife had learned through tearful experience to keep the youngsters from his sight at these times. Not until he finished dinner was it safe to bring them out. What caused his meanness? Simply the physical fact that he worked at a fast pace all afternoon and by evening he was hungry and his energy was at a low point. Many men are cranky under such circumstances.
When his wife recognized that his mean disposition had a physical basis, she made it a habit to have a large glass of fruit juice standing ready in the refrigerator. When she saw him turn into the driveway, she ran to the refrigerator and greeted him at the front door, juice in hand. After she learned that one basic fact about her husband’s nature, there were fewer tearful episodes in the household.
A wife was extremely tense on certain days and cheerful on others. Her husband did not realize that her moods were partly beyond her control until she casually remarked that she always felt low on the day or days preceding menstruation. It has been scientifically verified that millions of women suffer from a condition known as premenstrual tension which affects their personalities adversely.
When the husband recognized this fact, he began to make allowance for it. He went out of his way to avoid irritating his wife on those days, and he tried to ease her depression with patience and the assurance that she was passing through a temporary condition.
If you make an honest effort to understand your mate’s personality, the general characteristics of the sex as well as personal idiosyncrasies, you will help yourself to live with them harmoniously. Often they are conditions you cannot easily change. It is simpler to adjust to them as best you can.
There would be little conflict in marriage arising from misunderstanding if spouses talked with each other gently but honestly. You cannot understand, let alone accept, what you do not know. And since husbands and wives are not mind readers, understanding can only begin in conversation.
John Warren Hill, Presiding Justice of the New York Domestic Relations Court, has expressed it this way: “If you have a real or imaginary grievance, complaint, or suspicion against your mate, talk it out. If you are becoming more and more irritated by a persistent action or habit, talk it out. If you are unhappy about something that is or is not being done, talk it out.”
Most of the time talking will remove the grievance and where it does not, the satisfaction of getting the complaint off your chest will be its own reward.
Often one may see a married couple go through a meal in a public restaurant with hardly a word to say to each other. They are not angry. They simply find it difficult to make conversation.
Not all couples are so mute in each other’s presence, but many husbands and wives, particularly after the children are born, get out of the habit of exchanging pleasantries and confidences.
When differences of opinion or resentments crop up, the tendency then is to bottle them within, except insofar as the local bartender and Mother are allowed to become confidants.
And yet how can two people be one in mind and heart if they are not each the other’s best confidant? The wife before whom the husband stands revealed loves him the more. The husband to whom the wife goes for attention or direction is magnified thereby, even when she is complaining about him.
Early in marriage a young couple should learn the art of communication. Learn to tell your mate all about your defeats as well as your victories. Usually your spouse will not be offended even by criticism—that is tactful, especially when it is not petty nagging.
It is better for the husband to indicate to his wife that he is displeased with her housekeeping or her cooking than to bear the wrongs impatiently. If the other realizes that love, not ridicule, motivates the criticism, there will perhaps be wounded pride, but no real anger.
Acceptance:
When you as a husband recognize that your wife needs to express herself emotionally and intuitively, you take a long step toward accepting her for what she is—a woman.
When you as a wife recognize your husband’s need to express himself forcefully and sometimes boisterously, you accept him for what he is—a man.
Many troubles encountered by modern couples result from a husband’s unwillingness to encourage his wife to be a woman, and from the wife’s unwillingness to let her man fulfill the masculine role assigned to him by God. Let us therefore consider what your acceptance of your mate really involves.
A woman by nature is generally warm, tender, understanding and loving. These are qualities she should have as mother, homemaker, and custodian of affection and love in the family. Women are not by natural disposition aggressive, authoritative, coldly analytical.
A woman also wants to be led by her husband. As a rule, only when he fails to recognize his responsibilities or discourages his wife from developing her womanly characteristics does the woman assume the dominant role.
Social commentators declare that despite her innate wishes, Mother has become the real boss in millions of homes. She often has the final word in the choice of the car. She selects the furniture, often even her husband’s clothes.
She may choose the movies she and her husband will see, may decide whom they will entertain, and often casts the deciding vote on where they will spend their vacation.
She often disciplines the children, handles the bank account and pays all the bills.
Her rise to domestic power can be explained in many ways. In great part the failure of the husband to assert his own authority is responsible. But regardless of the explanation, the change in roles has helped diminish that femininity of the woman which is so conducive to marital happiness.
But no woman truly wants a submissive husband, nor does she wish to take his place. She may often try to dominate; this is merely experimentation. No one is more disappointed than she if her husband weakly permits her to make an inroad.
When she challenges her husband to assert his leadership, she will be pleased to submit if he asserts himself. Let him refuse the challenge, however, and she will take over, even if reluctantly. She will pay a high price for her seeming victory.
It is not surprising, therefore, that surveys of women’s aspirations almost unfailingly conclude that they want to be women in the traditional role of their sex.
For example, in a survey of hundreds of women by Cornell University researchers, not one expressed a preference for a husband less intelligent than herself. Other researchers have asked women what they would do if somehow they found themselves married to men less intelligent than they. Answers seldom varied.
They would try never to emphasize their superiority; they would try never to let their husbands feel inferior. Why? Because to do so would deny the male his traditional role of leadership, and the female her traditional role of dependence.
A wife must allow her husband to assume his full prerogatives as the male; a husband must encourage his wife to be feminine. In no other way can two persons achieve their maximum potentiality in marriage.
Acceptance of a mate, like understanding, must also be based upon individual characteristics. Another word for acceptance is loyalty. Your mate deserves your loyalty at all times.
Some wives habitually compare their husband’s positions with those of relatives or neighbors. Often a wife nags her spouse because he does not earn as much as her brother or the man across the street. In such cases she is saying, in effect, that her husband is not competent. She is failing to accept him for what he is.
He may be a thoughtful husband, excellent father, considerate lover. By emphasizing one quality in which he does not compare favorably with another, she is expressing her failure to accept him as a husband and as a man.
She, therefore, is failing to provide the most important attribute for a happy marriage. She is failing to inspire her husband.
The Old-Fashioned Parents
The good old-fashioned mothers and the good old-fashioned dads,
With their good old-fashioned lassies and their good old-fashioned lads,
Still walk the lanes of loving in their simple, tender ways,
As they used to do back yonder in the good old-fashioned days.
They dwell in every city and they live in every town,
Contentedly and happy and not hungry for renown;
On every street you’ll find ’em in their simple garments clad,
The good old-fashioned mother and the good old-fashioned dad.
There are some who sigh for riches, there are some who yearn for fame,
And a few misguided people who no longer blush at shame;
But the world is full of mothers, and the world is full of dads;
Who are making sacrifices for their little girls and lads.
They are growing old together, arm in arm they walk along,
And their hearts with love are beating and their voices sweet with song;
They still share their disappointments and they share their pleasures, too,
And whatever be their fortune, to each other they are true.
They are watching at the bedside of a baby pale and white,
And they kneel and pray together for the care of God at night;
They are romping with their children in the fields of clover sweet,
And devotedly they guard them from the perils of the street.
They are here in countless numbers, just as they have always been,
And their glory is untainted by the selfish and the mean.
And I’d hate to still be living, it would dismal be and sad,
If we’d no old-fashioned mother and we’d no old-fashioned dad.
~Edgar A. Guest
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Make a statement with this lovely and graceful “Christmas Nativity” handcrafted apron….fully lined….made with care. Aprons tell a beautiful story…..a story of love and sacrifice….of baking bread and mopping floors, of planting seeds and household chores. Sadly, many women have tossed the aprons aside and donned their business attire. Wear your apron with joy….it is a symbol of Femininity….”Finer” Femininity! 🌺 💗
The first of Ronald Knox’s three “Slow Motion” collections, The Mass in Slow Motion comprises fourteen sermons preached during World War II to the students of the Assumption Sisters at Aldenham Park. Modest yet arresting in style, Knox explains the Mass from the opening psalm to the solemn words of conclusion: Ite missa est. While the liturgy Knox contemplates is that of the Tridentine Rite, the abundant fruits of his contemplation can be easily translated to the Ordinary Form of the present day. Indeed, their primary impetus is the powerful portrayal of the continuous action of the Holy Sacrifice of the Mass, in which formula yields to mystery and man participates in his own salvation.
Along with its “Slow Motion” companions, The Mass in Slow Motion proved the most popular of Knox’s writings. Evelyn Waugh called it “the ideal present for a convert of any age or intellectual equipment.” More than seventy years since it first appeared in print, the truth of these words holds fast: The Mass in Slow Motion is sure to assist any Catholic—let alone any convert—to more worthily and wisely go up to the altar of the Lord.
To trust in God’s will is the “secret of happiness and content,” the one sure-fire way to attain serenity in this world and salvation in the next. Trustful Surrender simply and clearly answers questions that many Christians have regarding God’s will, the existence of evil, and the practice of trustful surrender, such as:
How can God will or allow evil? (pg. 11)
Why does God allow bad things to happen to innocent people? (pg. 23)
Why does God appear not to answer our prayers? (pg. 107)
What is Trustful Surrender to Divine Providence? (pg. 85) and many more…
This enriching classic will lay to rest many doubts and fears, and open the door to peace and acceptance of God’s will. TAN’s pocket-sized edition helps you to carry it wherever you go, to constantly remind yourself that God is guarding you, and He does not send you any joy too great to bear or any trial too difficult to overcome.
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Unless the Lord build the house, they labour in vain who build it.—Ps. 126.
Even under the Old Dispensation the marriage bond was held in reverence. We read how the son of the venerable old man Tobias meeting his bride exhorted her to join with him in prayer, “for,” he said, “we are the children of saints and must not be joined together like heathens that know not God.” Tobias VIII.
But how sublime is the Christian ideal of marriage! “This,” says the Apostle, “is a great Sacrament; but I speak in Christ and in the Church.” That is to say, it is a sacred sign, a symbol of the union between Christ and His Church: the husband represents Christ, the wife the Church.
“Let women be subject to their husbands, as to the Lord; because the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ is the head of the Church.”
“But since the husband represents Christ and since the wife represents the Church,” comments Pope Leo XIII, “let there always be in him who commands and in her who obeys a heaven born love guiding both in their respective duties.”
It is not a subjection of fear or a servile obedience that the Apostle demands, but a filial dependence of respect and love, and, therefore, he adds : “Husbands love your wives as Christ has loved the Church, and delivered. Himself up for it.”
And then he reminds us, the faithful, that “we are members of Christ’s Body, of His Flesh and of His Bones.” And the same bond that unites Christ and His Church unites husband and wife—the bond of grace.
These thoughts should inspire those who enter into Christian wedlock with lofty ideals and with far seeing plans for the realization of their ideals.
As valid marriage is indissoluble—”What God hath joined, let no man put asunder” “—their plans must visualize a life-time, and not a holiday or a few years of romance and enjoyment, they must visualize a life of reality, not a season of sentiment.
Living together, it is inevitable that the partners will in time find that no human being is perfect—and that no two human beings are exactly alike in temperament, in mood, in mind and in tastes: there are differences which will appear as the months go by.
Strangers see us at our best and on our best behaviour; our parents and sisters and brothers know our limitations and our failings. Until now the newly married pair had met as friends, indeed, but not as familiars —to some extent they were strangers to each other. Now they will live together, and little peculiarities not noticed before, will become apparent.
Then with the years will pass the freshness and the buoyancy of youth, and the external attractiveness: the hair will turn to grey, the features will pale and wrinkle, the laughter will be less exhilarating, the voice will be tired and tiring—the golden film which youth and novelty had cast over the shortcomings and imperfections will wear thin and bare.
But ‘love is strong as death’; and real love—not counterfeit sentiment, love touched by the fire of supernatural charity will be proof against the ravages of time and the trials of infirmity and age.
It was to quicken that charity in their lives, to strengthen with divine strength the bond of union, to make it a spiritual union of soul and heart, that Christ ennobled and enriched wedlock by raising it to the dignity of a life-giving Sacrament.
The Sacrament, if received in the spirit of faith and piety, will create a closer tie and deeper appreciation and understanding, will impart courage in trials, and cooperation in labor, so that one will help the other greatly in the leading of a Christian life and the fulfilment of the divine designs in the family.
“A sacramental blessing was given to your marriage which is bestowed on no other state in life, except that of the priesthood. From the altar you brought with you a higher spiritual life. You were nearer to God than before; in your soul there was a higher dignity and a more profound reality.”
“By the Sacrament Christ made marriage the sign and source of that special interior grace by which married life is perfected, the indissoluble unity of marriage is secured, and the married parties sanctified .
And if the fruit of this Sacrament is not frustrated by any obstacle, it not only increases in the soul sanctifying grace, the permanent principle of supernatural life, but also adds special gifts, good impulses, and seeds of grace, amplifying and perfecting the powers of nature, and enabling the recipients not only to understand with their minds, but also to relish intimately, grasp firmly, will effectively, and fulfil in deed all that belongs to the state of wedlock and its purposes and duties; it also gives them the right to obtain the help of actual graces whenever they need it for the discharge of their matrimonial tasks.”
Old World Veil and Capelets. A beautiful twist on the normal chapel veil. Ties with a ribbon in front..made from chiffon and lace. Available here.
This is a unique book of Advent and Christmas stories and devotions for Catholic children. There is nothing routine and formal about these stories. They are interesting, full of warmth and dipped right out of life. These anecdotes will help children know about God, as each one unfolds a truth about the saints, the Church, the virtues, etc.
These are short faith-filled stories, within the seasons of Advent and Christmas. Each story is followed by a few questions, a prayer, and a short poem enabling the moral of each story to sink into the minds of your little ones.
The stories are only a page long so tired mothers, who still want to give that “tucking in” time a special touch, or pause a brief moment during their busy day to gather her children around her, can feel good about bringing the realities of our faith to the minds of her children in a childlike, (though not childish), way.
There is a small poem and a picture at the end of each story. Through these small stories, parents will sow seeds of our Holy Catholic Faith that will enrich their families!
Meet Saint Anastasia, one of the greatest Christmas saints and the Patroness of Martyrs. Take her hand and let her lead you to the Crib! When people think of saints that remind them of Christmas, Saint Anastasia is almost always forgotten. For centuries, this humble and unassuming martyr has remained hidden in the shadows of the stable. Yet of all the saints in Heaven, she is the only one whose feast day falls on Christmas itself! It’s about time she stepped forward and made some new friends!Join Saint Anastasia and her best friend, Saint Theodota, as they bravely prove their love for God and neighbor, even unto the sacrifice of their own lives. With charming full-color illustrations and easy-to-read text, this third book in Susan Peek’s new series for children (companion to her series for teens, “God’s Forgotten Friends: Lives of Little-known Saints”) is sure not only to capture the hearts of Catholic children everywhere, but to inspire and inflame them with a greater love for their Holy Faith and the saints who lived and died for it.
A baby reindeer longs for a name. Before his mother can choose one, invaders come and the herd flees . . . except for him. His wobbly legs are too weak to run. Captured and taken to a new land, the little reindeer yearns for escape . . . and for a friend. Meanwhile, as Christmas Eve draws near, a saintly bishop and a holy monk plan a surprise for the poor of their village. When problems arise, all seems doomed, until their paths cross with that of the baby reindeer . . . and a legend is born. “Saint Rudolph and the Reindeer is a delightful new Christmas story that the whole family will adore. The brilliantly creative Susan Peek has written a heartwarming tale that is destined to become a new family favorite. Taking her vast knowledge of saints, Peek has added a beautifully religious twist to transform a favorite children’s Christmas story into a holiday treasure.”- Leslea Wahl, Author of Award-winning The Perfect Blindside and An Unexpected Role “A loving God leaves no misfits behind! A warm and tender story of Christian charity and everyone’s favorite reindeer.” – Carolyn Astfalk, Author of the Christmas Romance, Ornamental Graces “I’ll definitely be adding this to my Christmas story-reading traditions and highly recommend it to other families.” – T.M. Gaouette, Author of Destiny of Sunshine Ranch
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Most Precious Blood of Jesus, may we obtain from You the grace to forgive others as You have forgiven us. May we not hold any resentment, may we forgive and forget…
As you know, dear sons and daughters, in the month of July the Church especially honors the Most Precious Blood of Our Lord, Jesus Christ, and in her liturgical prayer she implores the heavenly Father, “who constituted His only-begotten Son as Redeemer of the world and wished to be placated by His Blood,” to make us feel Its beneficial effect.
For the mystery of this Divine Blood shed so generously is as inexhaustible as its source, and meditation upon the redemptive work—that is to say, of the most magnanimous of pardons—is more helpful and opportune now than ever.
Down through the centuries there has been seen in the visible world the terrifying sight not only of stains but even torrents of blood which spilled over ruined cities and devastated countrysides. Now blood shed by violence all too often breeds bitterness, and bitterness of the human heart is like a deep abyss which opens into another, just as one great wave follows another and one great calamity leads to another.
On the other hand, look for a moment upon the world of souls. Here too rivers of Blood are flowing, but this Blood shed for love brings with it only pardon of wrongs. The Heart of the Man-God from which It pours is also an abyss—Heart of Jesus, abyss of all virtue—but an abyss of virtue which in the depths of hearts calls only unto another abyss of sweetness and compassion.
Since Christ offered His Blood for humanity, whoever believes in Him is immersed in an ocean of goodness and breathes in an atmosphere of pardon.
Have you ever seen the earth refreshed by a sudden shower towards sunset on a sultry summer day? Within a few moments cascades of water cool off the soil in the mountains and in the valleys; when the air begins to clear again and while the rainbow stretches its seven-colored ribbon across still gray skies, there rises from the humid ground a mist sweetened with the scent of growing things, like the warm breath of a great living organism eager to expand.
In this perfume of water, Job tells us, the withered tree which seemed dead renews hope and soon reacquires the tresses of its foliage.
This is a weak comparison to the benefits which fecundate the earth under the torrents of redemptive Blood. If the floodgates of heaven, open for forty days, were enough to submerge the earth, why would not the Divine Blood pouring forth for nineteen centuries from the Heart of Jesus on thousands of altars have inundated and almost impregnated the world of souls?
Perhaps David had this beneficial effusion in mind when he spoke of an abundant rain reserved by God for his descendants. Rain, the essential condition for fertility in Palestine and God’s great reward for the observance of His commandments, symbolizes in this way, however imperfectly, the regeneration of the human race through the Blood of Christ.
On the other hand, it would certainly not be accurate to believe that the Old Testament had not already taught forgiveness of offenses. We can find there much wise and valuable counsel on this subject, especially for you, dear newlyweds. “Remember not any injury done thee by thy neighbor,” says Ecclesiasticus (10:6); and to forget them is sometimes even more difficult than to pardon them.
Pardon them, therefore, first of all, and God will give you the grace to forget. But above all else, put aside the desire for revenge which Our Lord strongly condemned even in the old law: “Seek not revenge, nor be mindful of the injury of thy citizens” (Lev. 19:18).
In other words, one might say today: Guard against displays of resentment towards your neighbors—that family which lives above or under or just opposite you, that property owner with whom you have a common wall, that businessman who is your competitor, that relative whose conduct embarrasses you.
Holy Scripture even warns us: “Say not: I will do to him as he hath done to me; I will render to everyone according to his work” (Prov. 24:29). “He that seeketh to revenge himself, shall find vengeance from the Lord, and he will surely keep his sins in remembrance” (Ecclus. 28:1).
Indeed, how foolish for rancor to be found in a sinful soul, itself in such need of pardon! The sacred writer highlighted this sharp contrast: “Man to man reserveth anger, and doth he seek remedy of God? He hath no mercy on a man like himself, and doth he entreat for his sins?” (Ecclus. 28:3-4).
Above all, since the new covenant between God and man was sealed by the Blood of Jesus Christ, the law of unremitting pardon and of changing rancor into love has become a general one.
“Peter,” responded Jesus to the Apostle who asked him, not “seven times (must you pardon your brother) but seventy times seven” (Mt. 18:22), that is to say, the Christian must be ready without limitation or end to forgive offenses received from his neighbor.
And the Divine Master taught further: “And when you stand up to pray, forgive whatever you have against anyone, that your father in heaven may also forgive you your offenses” (Mk. 11:25).
And it is not enough merely not to return evil for evil. “You have heard,” Jesus added, “that it was said: ‘Thou shalt love thy neighbor and shalt hate thy enemy.’ But I say to you: love your enemies, do good to those who hate you” (Mt. 5:43-44).
This is the Christian doctrine of love and forgiveness, a doctrine that at times requires grave sacrifices.
In these very days, for example, there is a danger that for many persons the noble and legitimate feeling of love for one’s country may degenerate into vindictive passion, into insatiable pride on the part of some or incurable resentment on the part of others.
A Christian, loyally and courageously defending his native land, must nevertheless refrain from hating those whom he is obliged to combat. One sees on the battlefield those attached to the medical service, nurses and corpsmen, generously expending themselves upon the cure of the sick and wounded without distinction as to nationality.
But must men reach the very threshold of death before they recognize that they are brothers? This admirable, but rather delayed, charity is not enough; by meditating on the Gospel and practicing it, Christian peoples must at last acquire a sense of the brotherhood which unites them in a common redemption through the merits of the Blood of Jesus Christ and in this very Blood, which has become their drink, find strength, at times even heroic, for mutual pardon (which does not exclude the re-establishment of justice or of rights violated), without which a true and lasting peace will never be possible.
But we wish to turn our thoughts back to you, dear newlyweds. In the journey which you have just undertaken will you not perhaps one day have to practice this forgetting of wrongs in a measure which some consider above human capacity?
Such a case, although fortunately rare among husbands and wives who are truly Christian, is not impossible, since the world and the devil attack the heart whose impulses are very hasty and assail the flesh which is weak.
But without going to these extremes, in ordinary daily life how many minor disagreements, how many slight clashes there are which can create a latent, sorrowful state of aversion between husbands and wives if a remedy is not found at once!
Then too, between parents and children. Though authority is to be upheld and rights respected, though it is to be sustained by warnings or reprimand, or even when necessary by punishment, how deplorable it would be for a father or a mother to display even the least sign of resentment or personal revenge! Frequently this is enough to crush or destroy all confidence and filial affection in the hearts of children.
Dear sons and daughters, you should be ready every day to forgive wrongs received in family or social life, as indeed every day you will repeat on your knees before the image of the Crucified One, “Our Father…forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us” (Mt. 6:12).
And if you do not see Christ visibly bow His Head towards you with a smile, His Brow crowned with thorns, you will know nevertheless, and you will believe with strong faith and absolute loyalty, that from the Divine Fountain, from the Hands and Feet of Jesus Our Savior, above all from His Heart, always open to you, the redemptive Blood will shed Its forgiving stream as fully on your souls as you yourselves have generously pardoned others.
“It is difficult for a child to be better than his home environment or for a nation to be superior to the level of its home life. In fulfilling its double purpose – the generation and formation of children – the home becomes a little world in itself, self-sufficient even in its youngest years. It is vital that you, as a mother or father, make of your home a training ground in character-building for your children, who will inherit the world’s problems. Home is a place in which the young grow in harmony with all that is good and noble, where hardship, happiness, and work are shared.” – Father Lawrence G. Lovasik, Catholic Family Handbook http://amzn.to/2sDb6hw (afflink)
Penal Rosaries! Penal rosaries and crucifixes have a wonderful story behind them. They were used during the times when religious objects were forbidden and it was illegal to be Catholic. Being caught with a rosary could mean imprisonment or worse. A penal rosary is a single decade with the crucifix on one end and, oftentimes, a ring on the other. When praying the penal rosary you would start with the ring on your thumb and the beads and crucifix of the rosary in your sleeve, as you moved on to the next decade you moved the ring to your next finger and so on and so forth. This allowed people to pray the rosary without the fear of being detected. Available here.
Here, Baroness Maria Augusta Trapp tells in her own beautiful, simple words the extraordinary story of her romance with the baron, their escape from Nazi-occupied Austria, and their life in America.
Now with photographs from the original edition.
Most people only know the young Maria from The Sound of Music; few realize that in subsequent years, as a pious wife and a seasoned Catholic mother, Maria gave herself unreservedly to keeping her family Catholic by observing in her home the many feasts of the Church’s liturgical year, with poems and prayers, food and fun, and so much more!
With the help of Maria Von Trapp, you, too, can provide Christian structure and vibrancy to your home. Soon your home will be a warm and loving place, an earthly reflection of our eternal home.
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A sweet and spicy black tea
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A very good analysis of true friendship (in marriage and otherwise)…..
From Chastity, A Guide for Youth by Fr. Gerald Kelly, S.J., 1940’s
It has been our experience with many young men and women who read the manuscript of this book that at first some were strongly inclined to balk at our description of friendship. Their idea of a friend had always been: “1 like him and he likes me.” and they were displeased on finding that that notion could not always square with the qualifications on which we insist.
After considerable argument on our part and further consideration on theirs, they have generally come to the conclusion that we are correct. It is essential to keep in mind from the beginning that we are talking about true friendship, not about a mere emotional fascination, or blind passion, or a companionship of mere convenience which is struck up today, is carried on pleasantly for a time, and then dies of its own weight.
Real friendship differs considerably from these things. A companionship may be styled a real friendship only when it possesses these three qualities:
1) It is morally helpful to both parties; 2) There is a genuine basis of agreement between the parties; 3) Their mutual love is characterized by a spirit of self-sacrifice.
A few words about each of these qualities will lay a solid foundation for the first part of this book. For the time being it is well to omit any special application to love between the sexes.
These three qualities distinguish true friendship wherever it is found, whether between persons of the same sex or of different sexes. The qualities have not been chosen arbitrarily or at random; they are given here as the result of long and serious study of the real meaning of friendship, and with the confidence that any thoughtful reader will agree with the enumeration.
Morally Helpful
To put this negatively, it means that a companionship is not a true friendship if it leads to sin, to troubles of conscience, to a lowering of ideals, to a weakening of faith, to neglect in the practice of one’s religious duties. Such harmful moral effects violate the most elemental idea of real friendship.
Friendship is founded on mutual respect, and it is impossible to have a sincere respect for one who has the influence of poison on the soul. True love seeks the good of the beloved, and this good is never found in sin.
Friendship should have a positive influence for moral good. The appreciation of the worthiness of the friend should inspire one to a similar worthiness. It lifts up; it brings both nearer to God; it is a union in Christ.
An intimate companionship is bound to influence both parties, and only a good influence is worthy of friendship. There should be mutual help to avoid sin, and mutual inspiration to the practice of virtue.
This does not mean that in forming our friendships we must consciously strive for moral betterment, but it does mean that we should not consciously prolong a companionship that we recognize as morally evil.
It does not mean that both friends must be equal in virtue, but it does mean that both should have an appreciation of and a willingness to practice virtue and that at least their influence on each other is not a hindrance to the practice of virtue.
You can have a blind attachment for a person who leads you away from God, but you cannot have a genuine love for such a person. “I love you, so let’s go to hell together,” is language that simply does not make sense, whether expressed by word or action; whereas the contrary, “I love you, so I want to take you to heaven with me,” is full of meaning.
Agreement
This point may seem too obvious for discussion, for we are accustomed to think of friendship in terms of common interests, common taste, similar likings, and so forth.
The friend is one to whom we go for sympathy, encouragement, helpful advice, and inspiration; he is one with whom we can share joy and sorrow; he is, in fine, another self.
All these things imply a very special kind of agreement. Obvious though it may seem there are a few points about the agreement of friendship that may well be recalled here. The agreement, for instance, is genuine, not artificial. In this it differs greatly from mere fascination.
If you have a strong emotional attachment to another, you will often note that it prompts you to like just what he likes, to want to do just what he wants, to think about things just as he thinks about them, yet all the while, if you are honest, you know deep down in your heart that the whole similarity is artificial, that this is not your ordinary way of living and thinking, and that it cannot last.
To know if the agreement of real friendship exists, one has to decide if there exists between oneself and one’s friend a basis for lasting harmony. This does not mean that both most have exactly the same natural likes and dislikes. That kind of similarity may even be destructive of true, lasting friendship, because it makes things too easy, limits the beneficial interchange of views, and reduces incentive to mutual self-sacrifice dangerously close to zero.
The ideal agreement of friendship implies the ability to work together harmoniously, with wholesome agreement on big and fundamental things and agreeable compromise in the lesser things.
Differences of opinion and taste should be points of enjoyable mental contact and intercommunication, and not occasions for the breaking of the friendship. Normally there must be some compromise, some mutual yielding in regard to personal likes and dislikes, in friendship.
Few people can be intimate over a long period of time and always have the same desires at the same time or always be naturally pleasing to each other. There must be compromise, mutual yielding in such small things as how to spend an evening or how to decorate a room; there must be mutual overlooking of small faults and mutual respect for divergent opinions.
But the compromise has to be limited to accidentals. It cannot enter the sphere of conscience. It cannot include such fundamental things as Creed, Moral Code, Method of Worship.
At least fora Catholic, compromise in these latter things would violate the first rule of friendship. That is a difficulty often brought out at the time of a mixed marriage. The non-Catholic is sometimes of the opinion that he is being dealt with unjustly when he is asked to promise to allow the children to be brought up as Catholics.
In reality, it is the only way that the case could be solved without an immoral compromise, for non-Catholics generally agree on the principle that one Christian religion is as good as another, whereas it is part and parcel of a Catholic’s faith that his is the one true Church. He could not conscientiously allow his children to be brought up in any other church, whereas most non-Catholics can do that without violating their consciences.
The wider the field of intimacy and harmony among friends, the richer and more extensive is their friendship. Thus, all other things being equal, two saints enjoy a richer friendship than do ordinary people because their capacity for mutual sharing is more profound.
So, too, all other things being equal, a friendship between two good Catholics is richer than a friendship that exists between a Catholic and a non-Catholic, for the simple reason that the former have a much larger field of common interests and a much deeper bond of common sympathy.
But, whatever be the scope of their mutual intimacy, friends should always realize that they can and should keep their friendship vital and make it richer by a constant striving to reproduce in oneself the good one finds in the other. And this really brings us to the third quality of friendship.
Self-Sacrifice
It is not mere poetry to say that true friendship involves a blending of souls. In any blending process, each element gives up something of itself, of its own individuality, and thus contributes to the common result.
Friendship is the result of an analogous union of souls –each gives his best to the other. In practice, this giving of one’s best means sustained self-sacrifice. Friendship cannot endure without it.
St. Ignatius, speaking of friendship between God and the soul, gives these two simple signs of the love of friendship:
First, it shows itself by deeds rather than words.
Secondly, if one friend has good things, he wishes to share them with the other.
These are good norms for human friendship, too; they indicate the quality of self-giving that is the salt of all friendship. To keep this from being too theoretical, it is well to look at some of the many practical ways in which self-sacrifice plays its part in keeping friendship alive.
For example, there are the compromises already mentioned. Each compromise requires a certain gracious “giving in,” and the willingness to do this is incompatible with unyielding selfishness.
When you have known a person for a long time, especially when you associate with him intimately, you begin to notice small defects that you may not have perceived at the beginning; sometimes, because of changing moods, these defects begin to “get on your nerves.” These moments can be fatal to friendship unless one resolutely crushes the inclination to concentrate on them and make much of them.
Or again, suspicions and jealousies may arise in the mind. The loyalty necessary for friendship demands that such things be banished.
A friend should be a resort in time of trial, one who can give sympathy and encouragement, one who has a willing ear for both troubles and pleasures. Often enough it is not difficult to exercise these good offices of friendship, but sometimes it happens that you are in a contrary mood just when your friend needs help. You would much rather talk about yourself.
At these times, the readiness to fulfill the duties of a friend cheerfully requires great self-sacrifice.
Again it happens that at the beginning of friendship, both are quite spontaneous in performing little kindnesses and courtesies; but the familiarity of friendship has a tendency to blunt this spirit of thoughtfulness. Yet such thoughtfulness in little things must be kept up, and doing so requires constant self-discipline.
Finally, each friend should be a moral inspiration to the other; and there in no doubt that the day-in and day-out attempt to be worthy of the other, to be a help to the other, makes constant demands on one’s self-love.
The foregoing examples give some indication of how friendship is a perpetual and mutual self-giving. This need of self-sacrifice may be summed up in a few words: there must be patience with defects, rejection of suspicions, constancy in service, a real desire and a genuine effort to understand each other–in fine, the practice of the golden rule by both parties, especially in bad moods, disagreements, and misunderstandings.
In themselves, these occasions of difficulty are small, arising out of the fact that we human beings have many imperfections. But constancy in facing them and cheerfully overcoming oneself in them requires a high quality of love.
A Rational Love
After the explanation of the three qualities of friendship, it should be evident that the love of friendship is not mere emotionalism or sentimentality or sense appeal. It is a rational love, a human love.
We human beings differ from animals in that our minds can see the good and that we can freely direct our affections towards that good. There may or may not be much external notation in our love; our hearts may or may not beat violently; but the essential thing, the fundamental thing, the human thing is that the head must also be used.
Friendship is basically a love of the mind. One sees the goodness, the character of the friend, and upon this basis one strives for union.
Perhaps we should add here that in speaking of friendship we have been considering the ideal. Of course, in any definite friendship the qualities we have outlined admit of progress, and it may be that in the beginning they are present only very imperfectly.
But they ought to be present at least in some degree; otherwise the friendship can hardly be called true.
🌺🌺Esther Update…🌺🌺
The doctor let Esther go home on Monday. She does breathing treatments at home and they just got an oxygen machine for her. The nights are rough but she is slowly progressing.
Jeanette was told to expect a hard winter with Esther. She will be taking her to a specialist after she gets more stable.
Mike and Jeanette wish to express their gratitude for the prayers and love you have sent! ❤️❤️❤️
Let this journal help you along the way, Mothers! The girls will have 30 days of checklists, beautiful thoughts to inspire them for the day, some fun things…like drawing their day and other things to keep them focused.
This next 30 days will be invaluable to them…to learn life skills, to have the satisfaction of checking off the activities they finish, to learn to be thankful for the good things God has given us, to offer up their day for someone in need, etc.
This journal is for girls 8 (with the help of Mom) to 16 years of age.
It is a beautiful journal, full of color and loveliness! Your girls will treasure it and be able to look back on it for inspiration and encouragement!
In this joyful and charming book, Maria Von Trapp (from The Sound of Music) unveils for you the year-round Christian traditions she loved traditions that created for her large family a warm and inviting Catholic home and will do the same for yours.
Mary Reed Newland wrote numerous beloved books for Catholic families, but The Year and Our Children is her undisputed masterpiece. Read it, cherish it, share it, put it into practice and give your kids the gift of a fully lived faith, every day and in every season.
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No one likes to be taken for granted. In any human relationship a little sign of appreciation goes a long way. Life does not have to be a hard pull uphill all the time. To know that someone, especially the one we love, values our efforts sends us off with our heads in the clouds. The wife who is wise enough to show her husband appreciation for all his efforts will keep his heart fixed upon her.
With a fixed heart he will have a free hand to do the things a responsible head of the house must do. That is why, as Chesterton has pointed out, Christ said, “My son, give Me thy heart.” With his heart securely fixed on Christ the disciple had a pivot from which he could swing through all the complexities of life without losing his purpose. Appreciation gives purpose and motivation to a husband. It is one form of inspiration.
Some years ago a couple came to my attention whom I always have remembered. They illustrated the importance of a wife’s making her husband realize that she valued him. The wife had to leave her home and care for her sick mother. She was gone for a month. She and her husband rented without a lease, wondering from week to week whether they would have a home for themselves and their three little children.
While she was gone, he fell upon a good buy in a fairly new home. He said that he regretted the transaction was made while she was away, but the opportunity came then. He felt that it was his responsibility to do something about their living conditions. Having failed twice to locate her by phone he closed the deal.
The first Sunday his wife was home they went out for a drive. He intended to surprise her. As they were driving around, he suddenly stopped in front of their new home. Her curiosity at his action turned to grief on being let in on the secret. As she sat in the car looking at her new home she began to moan and groan that she did not like it. Why did he do it? Why did he not wait until she came back?
For a moment he sat there crestfallen, not knowing what to say or do. He expected elation and was prepared for a pat on the back. He made an effort to recover his confidence and suggested that they see the inside. She would like the arrangement of the rooms and closet space.
As they went from room to room, she continued her manifestations of disappointment and even resentment that she had no say in the choice of their new home. It was a bad day for both of them, how bad neither of them were to realize for several years. On that day he got the idea that his wife did not appreciate him. The idea continued to grow.
When we talked over their problems, their estrangement, and the future of the children, they had been separated for over a year. By that time he was all through and living with another woman. He had found someone to give him appreciation.
There is always someone around to give it if the wife does not. “The big dummy,” every woman is saying who reads this, “should get everything coming to him.” Perhaps he was something of dummy, but his wife had always loved him, still did, and wanted him back.
In justice to the husband in question, we should remember the circumstances prevailing when he bought the home. However, to make all wives happy, let us suppose that he made a terrible mistake in buying a home without his wife’s knowledge. The deed was done. What did she profit reminding him of his mistake? Was it wise for her to carry a grudge, to give him the idea that she considered him unfair or incompetent? Did her duty of inspiration cease because he was guilty of the worst possible judgment?
She was an excellent wife and mother in some respects, but she failed completely in the important function of inspiration. She told how she had never thought of it but now realized her big mistake, her shortcoming.
This woman was not the nagging type, at least not habitually so. She took her husband for granted. She felt that she was doing her job well. She assumed that he was. She did not assume a thing when they were courting.
If wives worked just half as hard and wisely at keeping their husbands as they do in getting them, the divorce mills would go out of business. A husband needs his wife even more than she needs him. With a little intelligence and verve she can keep him easily.
“If your large family brings ridicule from neighbors and even strangers, remember that you have a lasting treasure worth suffering for, and that the Lord called blessed those who suffer persecution for justice’s sake.” – Fr. Lawrence G. Lovasik. The Catholic Family Handbook
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This is a unique book of Catholic devotions for young children. There is nothing routine and formal about these stories. They are interesting, full of warmth and dipped right out of life. These anecdotes will help children know about God, as each one unfolds a truth about the saints, the Church, the virtues, etc. These are short faith-filled stories, with a few questions and a prayer following each one, enabling the moral of each story to sink into the minds of your little ones. The stories are only a page long so tired mothers, who still want to give that “tucking in” time a special touch, or pause a brief moment during their busy day to gather her children around her, can feel good about bringing the realities of our faith to the minds of her children in a childlike, (though not childish), way. There is a small poem and a picture at the end of each story. Your children will be straining their necks to see the sweet pictures! Through these small stories, parents will sow seeds of our Holy Catholic Faith that will enrich their families all the years to come!
This revised 1922 classic offers gentle guidance for preteen and teenage girls on how to become a godly woman. Full of charm and sentiment, it will help mother and daughter establish a comfortable rapport for discussions about building character, friendships, obedience, high ideals, a cheerful spirit, modest dress, a pure heart, and a consecrated life.
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