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Tag Archives: obedience

Teach Your Child to Love Obedience

28 Wednesday Feb 2018

Posted by Leanevdp in Parenting, Virtues

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

Catholic parenting, obedience, rasing Catholic children

From How to Raise Good Catholic Children by Mary Reed Newland

Obedience is another problem that demands honesty from parents as well as from children. It’s practically impossible to explain obedience to a very small child. He has to learn it through restrictions and moderate punishments.

But along about four (and a wild age it is), he’s capable of considering obedience as a real, although intangible, virtue.

The ideal way of introducing him to the idea of obedience is the story of the Boy Christ in the Temple. It’s perfect because it was an occasion when Jesus was not doing something that was wrong, but something contrary to the wishes of Mary and Joseph.

Then, if we relate it to the Fourth Commandment, “Honor thy father and thy mother,” we can show him how, even to Jesus, who was God, the commandment applied. His perfect obedience in returning to Nazareth to be “subject to them”  is something to ponder, and we can tell the story in terms of their own lives — deciding what chores He probably helped with, what His town was like, His routine (like ours) of work, meals, prayer, play, and rest.

And when we read St. Luke’s words, “And Jesus advanced in wisdom, and age, and grace, with God and men,” we can help them to see that obedience is not just rules to obey, but the way to wisdom and grace.

Like everything else, however, it has to be repeated and repeated.

One of the big troubles is that we’re always demanding obedience now and not then. Our own inconsistency is often more confusing and blameworthy than children’s willfulness, and if we are entirely honest, we have to admit that many times we abuse obedience by demanding it in things where it is not entirely reasonable.

It’s good to remember why we want them to be obedient. We’re used to thinking of it in terms of living in a society where there are laws to be respected, with obedience at home as training for obedience in the world.

But we don’t really want to teach them these things just so that they will stay out of jail! We want them to love obedience, because in obedience to duly constituted authority, they’re obeying God, from whom comes all authority.

And obedience in all things is the way to peace. It’s one of the least understood of all the virtues (especially in adult life), one of the least loved, and I think it’s the most beautiful — because it covers everything, and perfect obedience can grow only out of love.

When our children are in a nice, quiet mood and we’re talking about things in general and get around to saints, one of the things they love most to hear is how St. Thérèse loved obedience so perfectly that if she were writing when the bell rang, she would put her pen down and go, not even stopping to dot an i.

And for a while — say, a few hours — we have utterly lovely obedience in our house because everyone is imitating Thérèse.

Obedience is not usually so lovely, however. It’s dull, no fun, and very, very hard. This is as it should be. We aren’t going to grow strong by doing things that are easy.

So we can remind children that even Jesus, in the Garden of Gethsemane, wept and sweat blood at the thought of the obedience asked of Him. And He asked His Father to take away the hard thing He was supposed to do. But then He said, “Not my will, but Thine,” because more than all other things, He loved doing the will of His Father.

Later, when the story of His Passion and death was written in the Gospels, it was written: “He was obedient unto the end.”

So if there has been disobedience, there must be a punishment, and like the Lord High Executioner, we must try to make the punishment fit the crime.

Depriving children of privileges is about the best way, because it gives them time to reflect about what they might have been doing if they hadn’t been disobedient. And when it’s time to punish, there must be the understanding that the punishment is retribution made to God as well as to parents.

It helps to have it explained. “You see, dear, mothers and fathers have to be obedient to God’s will, too. It would be easier, sometimes, to let you do what you want. Much more pleasant for you and less trouble for us. But God has given you to us for a while on earth, and because He wants you to be a saint, we must try to teach you all the things that will help you be a saint. Obedience is one of them.

When you’re big, you’ll have people you’ll have to teach — maybe children, maybe other grown-ups. How will you teach them obedience if you don’t know what it is yourself? How will we ever be saints if we are disobedient?

“Every time you obey, it makes it that much easier to obey the next time, because your soul is forming the habit and you’re using the graces God sends to help you with obedience. You can learn to love obedience if only you will work at it and pray about it.

Remember the obedience of our Lord when He was only twelve, quite near your own age. Pray to Him, and ask Him to help you. He can teach you to love obedience.”

Our John is much given to lamenting in the middle of a punishment, “Now things aren’t nice anymore. Everything’s spoiled.”

Precisely. It started with Original Sin, and everything but everything, was spoiled, beginning with man’s sanctifying grace all the way through the order in nature.

Disobedience has only one function: to spoil everything. There is a difference between disobedience and “not paying attention,” and it’s very easy to fall into this trap and hand out punishment when it really isn’t due.

Disobedience is a form of rebellion. Not paying attention is a very human weakness (which, I grant you, needs correction, but doesn’t belong in this class).

There is a story told of Susanna Wesley that helps us remember this. She had asked one of her many children again and again to do something, and the child, absorbed in something else, failed to do it. When she asked again, her husband said to her, “Susanna, I have heard you ask that child to do that nineteen times already. How is it you have the patience to ask him the twentieth?”

And she replied, “But at last he has done it; so you see, if I had not asked the nineteen times, he would not have done it the twentieth.”

It takes that discernment to tell the difference between disobedience and inattention, and that kind of patience. No wonder Susanna Wesley was famous for being a good mother.

Then there are temper tantrums. Not all children have them, although all lose their tempers from time to time.

What we’re concerned with here is children given to consistent displays of temper (a subject on which I’m an authority). Many times a temper tantrum is just another way of trying to obtain attention, and for the very young, the best method is to ignore them. Usually leaving them alone to carry on without an audience is more effective than trying to reason.

But if it continues (and there are children who come dangerously close to harming themselves in a fit of temper, banging their heads on the floor, and so forth), a firm hand is called for.

“If you want your husband to trust you with his heart as he once did, it’s important to practice self-control, hold your tongue, and replace criticism with kindness. Listen when he talks and make an effort to show him respect.” -Darlene Schacht
“The truth is, the less you communicate your complaints, negative thoughts, and criticisms to your husband, the better your intimacy will be, and the stronger your marriage.” – Laura Doyle

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Finer Femininity is a small publication compiled to inspire Catholic women in their vocations. It consists of uplifting articles from authors with traditional values, with many of them from priests, written over 50 years ago. These anecdotes are timeless but, with the fast-paced “progress “of today’s world, the pearls within the articles are rarely meditated upon. This little magazine offers Catholic womankind support and inspiration as they travel that oftentimes lonely trail….the narrow road to heaven. The thoughts within the pages will enlighten us to regard the frequently monotonous path of our “daily duties” as the beautiful road to sanctity. Feminine souls need this kind of information to continue to “fight the good fight” in a world that has opposing values and seldom offers any kind of support to these courageous women. Inside the pages you will find inspiration for your roles as single women, as wives and as mothers. In between the thought-provoking articles, the pages are sprinkled with pictures, quotes and maybe even a recipe or two.

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The Strength of Obedience

02 Friday Sep 2016

Posted by Leanevdp in Beautiful Girlhood, Youth

≈ 4 Comments

Tags

obedience

IMG_0718

from Beautiful Girlhood by Mabel Hale

The girl who comes to perfect womanhood must learn to be obedient. Her whole life must be governed, not by whim or pleasure, but by right and duty. Her first lessons of obedience are learned at home. She becomes aware that all things are not for her personal convenience and pleasure, but that she must do her part in service, restraint, and sacrifice, that home may be orderly and happy.

Her parents give her many and various commands. Some of them seem hard and unnecessary. They interfere with her desires and plans, and the temptation to disregard them as far as possible is great.

She feels hampered and bound and unable to carry out her designs. But she who is building good character takes heed to the commands given her, whether good or bad, and receives the admonitions and reproofs which come her way, governing herself by them, because it is right that she do so.

This lesson of obedience in spite of the rebellion in the heart is not learned all at once. But every girl does not have the same hard battle with it.

Here is one point where she who is blessed with a humble and submissive nature has the advantage. She can do quite naturally what her willful and rebellious sister will have to struggle hard to accomplish.

Many girls are like my little friend Betty. Betty was willful by nature, and obedience came hard. She had been exceptionally willful in a certain matter, and her father had reproved her sharply, cutting off privileges that Betty valued very much. She felt angry and rebellious against her father for the penalty that he had exacted, and unburdened her heart to her mother in angry little bursts.

Her mother answered, “We will not discuss Father now. You are angry and cannot think clearly. But you will confess that it is not impossible for you to obey to the letter all that he has required. What your rebellious nature needs, my daughter, is to be compelled to obey, and you are the one to do it. The commandment has been given you, and if you want to be victor obey it exactly, for your own soul’s good. It is the easiest way out of your difficulty, and the best thing for your development.”

Betty had the good sense to see this, and though her heart did yet rebel, she said, “I shall do that.” And she found the hardest part of her punishment was over when she had brought down her stubborn spirit.
Obedience is never outgrown. It is not merely a requirement of childhood, but is just as necessary in later years. After a girl leaves the care of her parents and teachers she remains yet the servant of duty.

In fact, the more she is thrown upon her own responsibility the more loudly duty speaks to her, becoming either a tyrant exacting obedience from an unwilling heart, or a good friend and guide leading on to right, just as the girl takes it.

There were long stretches in Betty’s childhood and youth in which the girl did practically as she desired to do. She followed the dictates of her own free will. It is true that to do this she had to keep within the bounds of law and order; but she found that no bondage.

Now, however, since duty beckons her she is pressed on every side. There is scarcely any time she can call her own. She must do her duty or lose her own self-respect. She has duty to herself, to her family, to her friends, to the church, to her community, and to her God.

If she has not learned obedience and rebels at service she will find her life hard indeed; but if she wills to do her duty and obeys from choice the commands of her stern mistress, then she will be happy in just doing her duty.

There is rare pleasure in obedience. The answer of a good conscience brings into the heart a peace and satisfaction that nothing can destroy. The girl who can fold her hands at night with the knowledge that throughout the day she has been obedient to God and right, finds in life a gladness and quietness that nothing else can bring.

If you would be happy through life and make a success of the years which will be given to you, learn now in your girlhood to obey, to bring yourself under control, where reason rules, not mere whim or fancy.

And the responsibility of this discipline dare not be left to parents and teachers. The girl who really learns obedience must take herself in hand and be a conqueror. Others can compel your servile obedience, but only you can bring to your heart true, God-fearing obedience. Only true obedience uplifts and enlightens and makes life noble. Be your own mistress, bringing yourself into obedience.

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“So too, worldly friendship shows itself in its use of sugary, passionate words, in praise for beauty, grace and sensual qualities. Holy friendship, on the other hand, shows itself in its use of simple and candid language; it is modest; its manifestations are pure and frank.” – St. Francis de Sales
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The Strength of Obedience

08 Monday Dec 2014

Posted by Leanevdp in Beautiful Girlhood, Youth

≈ 6 Comments

Tags

obedience

Jeannettes pics 6 087

from Beautiful Girlhood by Mabel Hale

“Behold, to obey is better than sacrifice, and to hearken than the fat of rams.”*
The foundation of all perfect deportment is found in obedience. All the universe is under obedience. The stars move in their respective places, the sun and moon in their orbits, and the earth upon its yearly course around the sun, all acting according to one common law that guides them all.

The seasons come and go, seedtime and harvest, cold and heat, day and night, all according to laws that are never broken. And if by chance one of these laws should be broken, all the great universe would become chaos. All that God has made he has placed under law, and all moves on in harmony and splendor.

Mankind also was placed under law, but not in the absolute sense that governs the universe. He was made like God in that he could know good and evil and choose for himself. If he should choose that which is right he should bring to himself blessings and peace, but if he chose the evil he should bring down upon his own head the results of that choice.

From this law of reward no man may in the end find an escape. Of all that God made, man alone dared to be disobedient. He who could have brought most glory to God has from the beginning dishonored Him.
There are two kinds of obedience. In the first a weaker person is overcome by a stronger and compelled to obey by superior force. His will is not in the obedience, but rather against it. He will cease to be obedient when opportunity permits.

This is the obedience that criminals give to laws, slaves to their masters, and which many children give to their parents and teachers. It is the soil in which rebellion grows, and it is always dangerous. Its end is always unrestraint, turmoil, and anarchy.

True obedience begins in the heart. The person obeying gives sanction to the law, acknowledging that it is right, and obeys because he believes it to be his duty to do so. He needs no law, officer, nor master to compel him, for he is master of his own soul and demands of himself that which is right.

Such a man is great indeed who is able to make himself obedient to God and right. When the lesson of self-government is learned, one of life’s greatest victories is won.

The girl who comes to perfect womanhood must learn to be obedient. Her whole life must be governed, not by whim or pleasure, but by right and duty. Her first lessons of obedience are learned at home. She becomes aware that all things are not for her personal convenience and pleasure, but that she must do her part in service, restraint, and sacrifice, that home may be orderly and happy.

Her parents give her many and various commands. Some of them seem hard and unnecessary. They interfere with her desires and plans, and the temptation to disregard them as far as possible is great.

She feels hampered and bound and unable to carry out her designs. But she who is building good character takes heed to the commands given her, whether good or bad, and receives the admonitions and reproofs which come her way, governing herself by them, because it is right that she do so.

This lesson of obedience in spite of the rebellion in the heart is not learned all at once. But every girl does not have the same hard battle with it.

Here is one point where she who is blest with a humble and submissive nature has the advantage. She can do quite naturally what her willful and rebellious sister will have to struggle hard to accomplish.IMG_0718

Many girls are like my little friend Betty. Betty was willful by nature, and obedience came hard. She had been exceptionally willful in a certain matter, and her father had reproved her sharply, cutting off privileges that Betty valued very much. She felt angry and rebellious against her father for the penalty that he had exacted, and unburdened her heart to her mother in angry little bursts.

Her mother answered, “We will not discuss Father now. You are angry and cannot think clearly. But you will confess that it is not impossible for you to obey to the letter all that he has required. What your rebellious nature needs, my daughter, is to be compelled to obey, and you are the one to do it. The commandment has been given you, and if you want to be victor obey it exactly, for your own soul’s good. It is the easiest way out of your difficulty, and the best thing for your development.”

Betty had the good sense to see this, and though her heart did yet rebel, she said, “I shall do that.” And she found the hardest part of her punishment was over when she had brought down her stubborn spirit.
Obedience is never outgrown. It is not merely a requirement of childhood, but is just as necessary in later years. After a girl leaves the care of her parents and teachers she remains yet the servant of duty.

In fact, the more she is thrown upon her own responsibility the more loudly duty speaks to her, becoming either a tyrant exacting obedience from an unwilling heart, or a good friend and guide leading on to right, just as the girl takes it.

There were long stretches in Betty’s childhood and youth in which the girl did practically as she desired to do. She followed the dictates of her own free will. It is true that to do this she had to keep within the bounds of law and order; but she found that no bondage.

Now, however, since duty beckons her she is pressed on every side. There is scarcely any time she can call her own. She must do her duty or lose her own self-respect. She has duty to herself, to her family, to her friends, to the church, to her community, and to her God.

If she has not learned obedience and rebels at service she will find her life hard indeed; but if she wills to do her duty and obeys from choice the commands of her stern mistress, then she will be happy in just doing her duty.

There is rare pleasure in obedience. The answer of a good conscience brings into the heart a peace and satisfaction that nothing can destroy. The girl who can fold her hands at night with the knowledge that throughout the day she has been obedient to God and right, finds in life a gladness and quietness that nothing else can bring.

If you would be happy through life and make a success of the years which will be given to you, learn now in your girlhood to obey, to bring yourself under control, where reason rules, not mere whim or fancy.

And the responsibility of this discipline dare not be left to parents and teachers. The girl who really learns obedience must take herself in hand and be a conqueror. Others can compel your servile obedience, but only you can bring to your heart true, God-fearing obedience. Only true obedience uplifts and enlightens and makes life noble. Be your own mistress, bringing yourself into obedience.

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