In The Year and Our Children, Mary Reed Newland talks about teaching our children valuable lessons during the grace-filled time of Lent.
One practice she did with her own children is the Lima Beans for sacrifices. The beginning of Lent each child had their own pile of different colored lima beans (they had colored themselves) so they could differentiate from each other’s lima beans. Every time a sacrifice was made they could put one of their own lima beans in the jar. When Easter came the number of lima beans was rewarded accordingly.
A sweet practice that would be fondly remembered by the kids as they grew into adulthood….
Some of her own thoughts as they journeyed through Lent:
The meditations for the Stations of the Cross are most fruitful if they relate to daily life some trial we are struggling with now.
For example, our Lord’s silence when He was condemned to death, when He was tormented by the soldiers, or when He fell under the weight of the Cross – this can be related to that commonplace of childhood: bickering.
Bickering is a form of verbal cannibalism.
The one who holds out longer with his pecking at another is victor, having reduced the victim to tears, goaded him to losing his temper, striking, or some other form of retaliation, which is all reported as an unprovoked injustice as follows:
“But I didn’t do anything. Nothing. I just said . .
“I just said” is himself far more culpable, usually, than the poor soul he has goaded beyond endurance.
There is no real remedy for this but silence on the part of victims.
Abstinence from it on the part of attackers is the perfect solution, of course, but if someone does start, silence will stop him.
This, however, is awfully hard on the one who is silent, because this is how bickering goes (as if you didn’t know):
“You pig. You took the biggest.”
“I did not, and I’m not a pig.”
“You are too.”
“I am not.”
“You are too. Pig!”
“I am not a pig. I’m not. I’m not a pig I’m not a pig I’m not a pig!”
“You are too. You are a pig you are a pig you are a pig.”
“I’m not I’m not I’m not.”
“You are you are you are.”
This could go on for an hour if Mother didn’t begin to froth at the mouth. Whereas the silent treatment winds up the conversation (if you can call it that) as follows:
“You pig. You took the biggest.”
“I did not. And I’m not a pig.”
“You are too.”
Silence. In other words, you are a Pig.
O cruel silence …
But children well understand that no one is really a pig; this is only a game to see who can make the other lose his temper first.
It is ugly and mean; and the winner is usually the older child because he knows the extent of the younger’s endurance.
Out of his own store of unavenged wrongs, he chooses this way to refresh a bruised ego. If we have taught them what our Lord said must be the very basis for our behavior, we have the point of departure.
“Whatsoever you do to the least of my brethren, you do it to me.”
Learning this, we know what we must know in order to put meditations on the Passion together with events out of daily life and discover how to use them.
Then we can see – and children can see it – that to provoke a brother or a sister is to provoke Christ; to be silent under provocation is to be silent with Christ.
It is not good to make such accusations while saying the Stations, but rather to connect the meditations with these real problems (names of particular children omitted), and return to the principles when we are on the scene of abuses that we must correct.
“You are teasing Christ when you tease your brother. It is the same. Whatsoever you do…” He said.
You torment him just for the fun of it the way the soldiers tormented our Lord.
Yet you really love him, as you really love our Lord.
Keep these things in the front of your mind during Lent, and try to bite your tongue when you are tempted to unkindness.
Each time you keep from saying something unkind, it is a triumph of grace, and our Lord will strengthen you with grace for the next time.
There are powerful graces coming to us during Lent, and we must try to use them to rid ourselves of our faults so that on Easter we can be free of them, like the newly baptized are free of Original Sin.
Impossible? Not really, although it will probably take a lifetime to do it. But it is the goal, and especially during Lent it is the spirit of the preparation: to be as those newborn, on Easter morning.
If we are spectators to such a moral victory, we must be sure to congratulate the hero. “Darling, I heard N. today when he called you a pig and tried to make you angry. It was wonderful, the way you didn’t answer back and only walked away.
You used silence the way our Lord used it, the way He wants you to use it. When you are silent in union with Him, you are growing in the likeness of Christ.”
When Dominic Savio was silent before an unjust accusation, he shamed the other boys into admitting their guilt.
This is often the effect of heroic efforts to reach out to Christ and bear hurts with Him. Grace is the invisible ingredient in all these struggles for perfection.
For every honest effort, one may put a bean in the jar. There are beans for all kinds of things: no desserts, no jumping for the telephone (a genius in our midst suggested this to eliminate violent jostling, wrestling, racing, leaping, and tugging – an excruciating discipline); no complaining about anything; doing chores promptly; no weekly penny for candy, and many more, including that magnificent and most glorious of all: coming when called.
All who do this are known as St. Theresas.
Actually, when you scan the long list of them, they amount to what spiritual directors call the “interior mortifications.”
Our mantel is bare this season except for the two candelabra with their twelve candles and the crucifix between them. Even the bread and the baking speak to us of Lent. Crosses of seeds decorate the bread (because when you see the seeds, you remember about “die so you may live”), and on biscuit crusts and meat pies, symbols of the Passion are cut.
“This art of housekeeping is not learned in a day; those of us who have been engaged in it for years are constantly finding out how little we know, and how far we are, after all, from perfection. It requires a clever woman to keep house; and as I said before there is ample scope, even within the four walls of a house (a sphere which some affect to despise), for the exercise of originality, organizing power, administrative ability. And to the majority of women I would fain believe it is the most interesting and satisfactory of all feminine occupations.” –Annie S. Swan Courtship and Marriage And the Gentle Art of Home-Making (afflink)
Ember Days or Quatuor Temporas are a traditional time of harvest fasting “four times” per year asking God to give us holy priests for the harvest of souls. Dr Taylor Marshall explains the history and Catholic theology of Ember Days and then challenges Catholics to voluntarily take up the Ember Days asking Christ for holy clergy…
Meet Agnes, a fourteen-year-old Catholic girl, who is challenged to make a sacrifice. Will she cheerfully accept what she knows is God’s will in this situation? Your kids will enjoy this book and it will be one of those “helps” along the way that sweetly instills Catholic culture in your children!
We often don’t realize the impact of those lessons, those Catholic lessons, that are taught each day to our children. It is so much worth the effort! The signs of the cross, kneeling to say prayers, dipping fingers in holy water, laying fresh flowers at the statue of Our Lady, etc., etc. These are gold nuggets that will live on in your children’s lives. This is building Catholic Culture!
These stories are to help you parents with those little things…..They are story books from my new little series, “Catholic Hearth Stories”. I wrote them especially for my grandchildren….and am sharing them with yours.
Catholic Hearth Stories are tales filled with traditional, old-fashioned values. They are about everyday situations in the life of a Catholic family…Tales about home, friends, fun, sacrifice, prayer, etc. These are full-color books sure to capture the heart of your children.
Each book is about 35 pages of full-color pictures that tell a lovely Catholic story. The ages they are appropriate for are approximately 4 – 12 years.
All 4 Catholic Hearth Stories available here.
Celebrate the Faith with your kids all year round!
For over half a century, Catholic families have treasured the practical piety and homespun wisdom of Mary Reed Newland’s classic of domestic spirituality, The Year and Our Children. With this new edition, no longer will you have to search for worn, dusty copies to enjoy Newland’s faithful insights, gentle lessons, and delightful stories. They’re all here, and ready to be shared with your family or homeschooling group. Here, too, you ll find all the prayers, crafts, family activities, litanies, and recipes that will help make your children ever-mindful of the beautiful rhythm of the Church calendar….
In this joyful and charming book, Maria Von Trapp (from The Sound of Music) unveils for you the year-round Christian traditions she loved traditions that created for her large family a warm and inviting Catholic home and will do the same for yours.
Most people only know the young Maria from The Sound of Music; few realize that in subsequent years, as a pious wife and a seasoned Catholic mother, Maria gave herself unreservedly to keeping her family Cathoplic by observing in her home the many feasts of the Church’s liturgical year, with poems and prayers, food and fun, and so much more!
With the help of Maria Von Trapp, you, too, can provide Christian structure and vibrancy to your home. Soon your home will be a warm and loving place, an earthly reflection of our eternal home….
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Yes the oh cruel silence, very very true! But getting the child to do that or remember to do that is difficult. What is you have a physical younger one and a mouthy older one? The older one gets hurt in one way worse, but he started it…. To be referee takes so much of the day at times, and seems to be worse during Lent.
Thank you for the reading!
During Advent we did secret kind acts for each other, —the Christkindl tradition. We liked it so much we are trying the same idea in Lent. Every week we draw names and try to be extra charitable to that person. My 5 year old is in charge of it. He calls it “Lentil” instead of Christkindl. The kids say “l need to do a kind act for my Lentil!”