Disclaimer: There is not a one-size-fits all. As long as the focus is to do God’s will. Ours is not the only way…it has been our way and we have had success with it.
Not long ago someone asked me, either here on the blog or maybe my FF Facebook page what my girls did in the interim between finishing their schooling and getting married or entering a convent?
Well, I have seven children married, 4 of those are girls. Each one is a different case but there are factors common with all of them.
First, the girls always feel welcome, loved, and appreciated here at home. They are brought up to take part in the running of the home (which means the large yard, too) and so they are an asset to have around on a practical level…along with the fact that we love them and like being around them. There is not one of them that I have said, “I can hardly wait until she gets married or enters a convent!”
That doesn’t mean we don’t have some clashing going on, because we do. Would it be normal if we didn’t? I don’t know, I guess you can answer that question…ha!
We talk highly of the married and religious state and treat these vocations with much respect and dignity, therefore college does not have to be pursued to “feel like somebody”. No, their self-worth does not depend on how much education they have or whether they can tell someone what degree they have. It’s just not a thing in this home. If you have an M.R.S. (Mrs. = Marriage) degree, you are doing a wonderful thing! And entering the convent…well, they know we would look on that as the greatest of blessings!
So…Just what DO they do in the interim? Well, they pursue music through their singing and their musical instruments, they crochet, they sew, they cook and bake, they write, they play tennis, volleyball, flicker, board games, they skate, they sled.
They babysit, they assist at births, they read, they write, they pray, they go to daily Mass, they go on Pilgrimages, they say the Rosary at the Nursing Home, they take part in choir and Legion of Mary, etc.
Two of the married girls will be having babies in the next two months. The girls here at home will be on call to help for a few days afterwards. This is not forced on them. They feel it is their duty and a privilege at the same time. And what goes around comes around…someone will be doing that for them in the future!
Our home is a “happening place”. With our potlucks, our Traditional Family Weekends, and family doings, we are all kept very busy, so boredom with life is never a thing. The girls never feel like they have to fill in time by going to a college. Or by flying far from home.
Well…Speaking of flying far from home…this last batch of kids have the “globetrotting” bug…much to my chagrin (not much of a traveler myself). Once they break through my initial….THAT’S TOO FAR FROM HOME…I become supportive. But I do worry for them.
Anyway, they all know that life will be moving on for them, so they are grabbing a hold of these opportunities beforehand. The ones here at home went to Rome in October and now they will be going to France with one of our couples this summer. Lourdes will be one of the stopping places where some healings will be asked for.
God’s will be done.
The girls have local jobs to earn the money that they need for a car (second-hand and well, definitely not classy…ha!), their insurance, and their spending money. They are relatively thrifty and that is why they have saved enough to go on the trips.
They are careful where they work. When you pray, God opens doors.
One of the girls worked for a local dentist, one is a nanny, one worked at the little restaurant in town, two at an office, one at the health store, etc. One of our daughters teaches some of the grandchildren…school and music lessons.
We had two priests visiting from a foreign country. I will not say which country, I will leave that to your imagination. They observed our lifestyle for a couple of days. They told us that in their country, education was most important. Homeschooling is outlawed. You can ask most women there, late twenties, any kind of math question and they will know the answer. But ask them to run a house? They don’t know how!
Do we want to raise girls like that? I know I don’t!
We are raising girls that will glory in their womanhood as they do what a woman does best….nurture and mother. Even if a woman remains single or is not able to have children, she will find ways to nurture and mother. It is built into us and is a great gift of God!
Our girls have a full life. And they are raised to believe that a woman’s role is one of the noblest out there. To raise a family…the work involved, the ingenuity required…this is something they see as very valuable ~ “The hand that rocks the cradle, rules the world”. So their time, before they meet Prince Charming, is focused on honing their life skills as they look forward to their role as a potential religious or wife and mother.
They are content and joyful. What more could a mother ask for?
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That is a lovely article. I must say that in my childhood home and at school both academic and life skills were promoted. Possibly that is a cultural thing. I certainly consider “house craft” to be a most valuable thing because it is always the woman who sets the tone of the home.
Very good ideas, I do hope my girls find that beauty too, to be the right person first. 😇
Nowadays if you have a specific interest that you would like to delve into, you can take classes online, or even check out a series of lessons through the library. College is so expensive, and few find a job related to their major. Taking a course in writing, entrepreneurship, interior decorating, music, art history and so forth, from home, or even to “audit” such a class in person at a junior college/college w/o having to enroll for grades, is far less expensive, and is great to have “under your cap” to use as a mom and homeschool teacher as well.
Yes! There are so many opportunities out there to grow in whatever field one is interested in!
Oh wow, so many thoughts on this. I think it’s wonderful that your girls know they are loved and welcomed and WANTED at home. So many girls aren’t! So many traditional Catholic girls in their mid to late teens are unhappy at home, my daughter has friends like this, and they DREAM of “prince charming” and getting out, getting married and setting up their home the “right way”. Not realising they are injured from the dysfunction they have at home and aren’t ready to be wives and mothers. It scares me a lot! I have personally seen it over and over again. Young women using marriage to flee and to find a way to right what they saw was wrong growing up….yours is such a beautiful example, but yes….the family must be loving and healthy for this to work! I love the idea of broadening who they are and their talents ….university degrees are such fluffy clouds of emptiness half the time! My college degree is an embarrassment to me as it has nothing to do with my passion (being a wife and mother) and was supposed to be a stepping stone for what I thought I wanted at the time….causing me to end up with a degree I’m rather regretful of. I haven’t discouraged my girls from “higher ed” ( if you can call it that anymore) but I really encourage them to find their gifts: my oldest loves to write and take photos and wants to do some photography classes to see what she thinks, another wants to do a pastry chef certification when she’s older, another wants to teach, but all of them see it as a stepping stone and as a time of enrichment before the REAL JOB, marriage or religious life! And yes, I went to a French Nuns’ led school for several years as a child ….ahem ….my parents wisely pulled me out by high school to home school. I was married at 22 to everyone’s surprise, but my friends who graduated either didn’t marry or it took years, or they WORKED from the start in marriage! They knew Latin, Greek, high math, Shakespeare, you name it! One became a NASA scientist! But I scratch my head over it all ….Jenny Seuffret (Catholic homeschool mom author) points out that most modern young women have no problem in knowledge/understanding material to home school, etc… but can’t fry an egg or manage a home! It’s a real issue! Finding a balance is hard. Because I also want to work with whatever unique call God has for them! Thank you so much for sharing what is so obviously working for your family! It’s inspirational! God bless you!
A wonderful testimony, indeed! Thank you! ❤️
Amazing!
This is lovely! I wonder if you would consider writing a similar article about your sons…?