The Stay-at-Home Mom

Painting by Adolf Eberle Munich, 1843-1914

First, my little story…

Living in Canada at the time I grew up, which was the 60’s to the 80’s, it was a given that getting extra schooling after high school would be what a well-educated, progressive young lady would want. Then she would move on to a career…

I started working at a young age. I was 12. We had friends who owned a Box Factory and he asked if I wanted to work part time. I was ambitious…and so I did. I enjoyed having my own money. My mom and dad were not able to buy me clothes, etc. and so now I could buy those things myself.

After that first job, I never stopped working at different employments. After school hours I would take on part time jobs…usually through interesting circumstances…because, well, you had to be 16 in order to legally work. I wasn’t quite there yet.

Eventually I worked at a government office job and made good money when I was in my late teens to early twenties. And then I became the head secretary of a farm machinery wholesale company…New Holland Farm Equipment.

So I had my taste of working out in the world. One had to earn money and couldn’t just sit around. By the time I was twenty I owned a brand new car. I was independent and could do what I wanted.

In my early teens, my mom had a re-conversion to the Faith. She picked up many of the old Catholic books that people were getting rid of. I began to read them and got a bit of a taste of what old-fashioned home life COULD look like.  

I learned that “Stay-at-Home Mom” should consider it a great honor and duty to take care of the home, teach the children, feed the family, make the meals etc. Her role was not insignificant…it was a phenomenal and beautiful function in the smooth-running of the home and the bringing up of good, wholesome Catholic citizens.

Everything made sense to me and I was star-struck!! It all sounded…perfect! And it was just what I wanted.

So when I met my husband, one that had the same goals as I did, we embarked on our journey together.

We had already decided I would not work from the very beginning of our marriage. I would look after my home, make the meals, and take the time to grow spiritually.  I read a lot, helped at the parish, etc. We lived off hubby’s income.

Hubby’s income was very low when we first got married. He worked at a Chicken Ranch making a whopping $3.85/hr! But he had put in many hours on his parents’ farm all through the years. He never wanted to be paid but told them that he would ask for their help when he needed it. So his parents helped us out those first couple of years.

Our first home was a rent-free, little, run-down home where we caught 40 mice within the first week! We were living the life, though, and were just happy to be married and on our own! It was rent-free because my husband made a deal with the landlord that he would work off the rent.

I never had the desire to go out and work. Not because I didn’t like work. Like I said, I was ambitious. It’s just that now my ambition had been channeled down a whole different pathway! And since we were both on board with me not working, I relished in being “self-employed” at home. I always found plenty to do even in those first days.

And, as life would have it, more children came and the busier I got. Before long, homeschooling entered the picture.

This whole scenario took all my attention. And I was excited about it!! I had tasted enough of the “business world” that I knew what a gift THIS was! We were raising children to know, love and serve God in a world that is very un-Catholic! And we both knew that was the most important work of all! And yes, definitely an adventure!

The rewards of being at home far surpassed an income. True, I could no longer just go out and buy anything I needed. We did a lot of garage sale-ing and thrift shopping. That didn’t bother me in the least. We had the enthusiasm and the trust in a loving God that would help us out. And He did!

I did not miss my former life. It was just an interlude before the real thing. And all the crosses I experienced during that time of working out in the world (there were many) made this new life of a stay-at-home wife/mom seem like a huge reward. And it is and continues to be!

It takes much energy and love to run a home and bring up a family!

“Any man who has observed a young mother in her daily chores of keeping house and caring for three or four young children faces the fact that they may not be the weaker sex. There seems to be no limit to the patience and energy of such a woman, perhaps because there is no limit to her love.” -Fr. Leo Kinsella, The Wife Desired

How could we ever replace this love, this sacrifice by working a a job? We can’t. And if we are to succeed at this most important “occupation”, it will take our first attentions…with all our hearts!

Not only does working outside the home hinder us in our attention to the children but also to our husband.

Fr. Kinsella, The Wife Desired:

Sociologists interested in the welfare of family life in the United States have expressed alarm over the growing number of wives and mothers employed outside the home. Some years ago a survey was made of women thus gainfully employed.

To many, one surprising feature of the survey was the finding that nearly ninety-five per cent worked only because they felt that it was necessary. An overwhelming percentage of these women expressed little enthusiasm for having to leave their homes for work. They felt that financial conditions at home necessitated their decision. In many cases the husband’s annual income simply was not sufficient to support the family.

Frequently the couple regarded additional income as a temporary necessity. The husband had lost his job. Hospital and medical bills had to be met.

It is a sad commentary on our modern, industrialized country that so many thousands of these wives and mothers have to hire themselves away from their homes and children. There are cases in which the family is kept from falling apart at the seams economically only through the valiant efforts of a stout-hearted wife.

Although family life suffers because of her absence, no one can criticize her. It seems that the more real is the urgency for her additional income and the more she regrets leaving the home, the more chance she has to remain an ideal wife and mother.

There is no doubt that working away from home brings greater problems for the married woman as a mother. But remember that we must here distinguish as much as we can between the married woman as a wife and as a mother. Here we are limiting ourselves to a discussion of how working out of the home is a real handicap to the married woman ever approaching the ideal wife in respect to companionship.

Picture for yourself the wife who works. She returns from the factory, the office, or the schoolroom with a day’s work behind her. She is tired, but other tasks face her. She has to care for the home. She must do the shopping for the breakfast and evening meals.

If she has children, especially those of school age or younger, she has another demand upon her–a demand for which she cannot possibly have time and energy, if she works outside the home.

On such a merry-go-round she wears down physically. Her nerves become frayed. She retrogresses mentally and spiritually. With all this varied activity she has no time or desire for companionship with her husband.

Is the additional income worth the price she has to pay? Her net income is usually much less than she might suppose. Because she has not more time for them, her shopping and preparation of meals are more expensive. Her carfare to and from work and her extra clothes for work also draw from her income.

Is the net remaining income worth the sacrifices she and her family have had to make? It is almost impossible for the wife to remain queen of the home if she works.

The disadvantages of working are so numerous that a wife should resist the economic pressure of keeping up with the Jones family. She should leave the home only under the greatest urgency.

Then, of course, a word in passing must be given to the married women who work just so that they have some extra “pin money.” Many of them feel that this money, hard earned at some factory or store, is completely theirs. This income is not pooled into the family resources. No accounting is made to the husband, who may not know whether she has five dollars or five thousand. “It is none of his business,” many of them say.

Is it his business that she has to neglect his home, their children, and him in order to work? It is incomprehensible how these wives can be so selfish. A high percentage of them eventually get acquainted with the divorce courts or at least are a thorn in the side of some marriage counselor.

One day an irresponsible sort of happy-go-lucky husband was keeping me from a good book, or the golf course. He had no work and seemed little concerned about his unemployment. On being asked whether he was not worried about the future he naively told me that he was not and that his wife was working and was in good health.

There are enough unmarried characters around similar to the husband just mentioned to put a girl looking for a good husband on the alert. However, the vast majority of men do not appreciate the wife wanting to work.

It does their ego little good. If they are weak-kneed enough to give in to the wife leaving the home, often they will be the type to sit back and stagnate. I know offhand of no case in which a working wife spurred her husband on to the heights. Likewise, I know of very few working wives who were able to remain their husband’s companion.

There are other things to a home besides new appliances and expensive furniture which a working wife may contribute to the home. It is in the home where the husband and wife can have the greater part of their companionship. This will be possible if she has the bulk of her work done when he gets home from his work.

With the children tucked away early they have a few hours to themselves in the comfort of their own home. Occasionally they will be able to and should get out for a dinner, a show, or an evening with friends. A working wife will hardly be able to accomplish these things, and if she does it will be only with strain.

“Train up a child in the way he should go, And even when he is old he will not depart from it.”

~Prov. 22:6

Little Girl’s First Communion Wire-Wrapped Bracelets! Perfect for First Communion, this lovely bracelet will help that little girl to remember her special day. Get it blessed and she can wear it as a sacramental. The bracelet is wire wrapped to ensure quality! Available here.

SAVE 35% ON THE ST. FRANCIS DE SALES SIGNATURE SET! Tan Books ~ Available here.

The St. Francis de Sales Signature Set is representative of why St. Francis was so well-received during the Counter-Reformation, and indeed, throughout history since. One can easily see why he received the title “Doctor of Charity” from the works included (Introduction to the Devout Life, Consoling Thoughts, Sermons, and The Catholic Controversy), as each evidences his outpouring of love for all souls:

~Introduction to the Devout Life showcases his efforts to help other souls love God like he did

~Consoling Thoughts expresses his love for suffering souls in giving them solace and the exhortation to continue

~His Sermons relay his daily care for his flock, preaching to them about the different aspects God’s love

~And finally, The Catholic Controversy demonstrates his apologetical love, exerting effort to win souls back to the Church

Perhaps more than any other saint, St. Francis preached the truth with love. His teachings, his works, and his very presence were consoling to those 72,000 lost souls of Switzerland and to millions more over the centuries. Now, with these four beautiful, hardbound, gold-foiled volumes, it is our hope that they will offer hope and consolation to a new generation of Catholics and spur a greater love of God and neighbor.

A Manual of Prayers: For the Use of the Catholic Laity ~ Available here.

Lex Orandi, Lex Credendi!

Did you know that the same council that issued the Baltimore Catechism also issued a manual of prayers? In beautiful exposition, The Manual of Prayers for the Laity will be the constant reference for any Catholic seeking to pray along with the entire Church throughout the day through personal prayer and most especially, liturgical prayer.

In this manual, you will find the beliefs of the Catholic Faith reflected in the  traditional prayers and treasured devotions that will guide your soul to both an increase in devotion to God and his Church along with the cultivation of a deeper prayer life better disposed to receive the Sacraments.

This post contains affiliate links. Thank you for your support.