FLIRTATIONS
When frivolous friendships are practiced between persons of different sex—without intention of marriage— we call them passing fancies or flirtations. Being only abortive births or appearances of friendship, they are unable— by reason of their futility and their imperfection—to bear either the name of friendship or that of love.
However, they preoccupy hearts, which are as it were entangled, “intertwined,” by vain and foolish affections founded upon those frivolous communications and those meager amusements that we have just mentioned.
And even though it may not be the primary intention of those who give themselves to them– because then they would no longer be flirtations but manifest impurities-these stupid loves usually end up by sinking into very ugly carnal pleasures.
Sometimes several years go by without those who are attacked by this folly doing anything which is directly contrary to bodily chastity; they are content with taking pleasure in these desires, these wishes, these sighs and other such nonsense, and this upon various pretenses.
What, then, are they seeking who yield to these vain pastimes? Some have no other design than to satiate their need to love and be loved. They do not truly choose their friends, and when they encounter someone attractive, they are guided solely by their preference and their instinct, without carefully examining the heart and conduct of those they find attractive. They become entangled in nets from which they have great difficulty escaping.
Some others yield to vanity and think it is no small glory to bind many hearts by love. Therefore, they act for such glory, setting their trap and spinning their web in beautiful, exalted and extraordinary places.
Finally, others are driven simultaneously by their amorous inclination and by their vanity. Since their heart is prone to love, they intend to derive some advantage from it.
All these friendships are evil, foolish and illusory:
1) Evil because they end up in sin of the flesh and because they steal the love— and consequently the heart—from God and from the husband, the wife, to whom it is owed;
2) Foolish because they have neither foundation nor reason;
3) Illusory because they bring neither profit nor happiness nor satisfaction.
On the contrary, they cause a waste of time and compromise honor without bringing any satisfaction other than the torment of seeking and hoping, without knowing exactly what they are seeking and hoping for!
Those unfortunate people who succumb to this think that there is always “something more” to be desired in the protestations of love from others, without, however, knowing what this “something more” is. Their desire is therefore endless and it keeps mistrust, jealousy and unrest alive in their hearts.
St. Gregory of Nazianzus wrote this marvelous paragraph on the subject of frivolous women (it can be applied to men just as well):
O woman, your beauty belongs to your husband; if it is for other men, like a net spread over a flock of birds, what will become of it? You are pleased by someone because he finds you beautiful.
You will return him glance for glance. Smiles and careless little words of love follow. At the beginning they are on the sly. Familiarities come next, and finally open flirtations. – – I prefer not to say what will happen next… I shall say, however, that all this is not without danger!
You have a game here in which the one who plans to capture gets captured. As soon as our hearts see a soul inflamed with love for them, they are presently inflamed with love for it. You think you can stop at any time. In this you are greatly mistaken.
Love’s fire is more ardent and more penetrating than you imagine. You think you have received only a spark and are totally astonished to discover that in an instant your whole heart is inflamed, your resolutions are reduced to cinders and your reputation is in smoke.
Who pities a snake charmer bitten by a snake that he hoped to train? [Ecclus. 12:13].
Senseless ones! Did you think you could charm love and manipulate it according to your taste? You only wanted to play with it, but it has bitten you cruelly.
Do you know what people will do? They will mock and laugh at you because you relied on a false assurance and put inside your heart a dangerous serpent which has made you lose both your soul and your honor.
Is there any blindness greater than that which leads us to wager the best part of our soul on such frivolous pledges? Yes, Dear reader, I say the best part, because God wants us only for our soul, and the soul only for the will, and the will only for love.
We are already all too poor in love. By that I mean that we must have a great deal of it in order to love God as He ought to be loved; and yet, totally poor as we are, we waste it on frivolities as if we had too much of it!
This great God who created, preserved and redeemed us has the right to all our love and all our gratitude, and He will demand an accounting of our foolish expenses. If we are to be judged for every useless word, how much more severely will we be judged for all these useless, improper, foolish and pernicious friendships?
It is said that the walnut tree does immense harm to the field in which it is planted. Because of its size it absorbs all the nutrients from the earth, leaving insufficient nourishment for other plants. Because its foliage is so dense, it gives too much shadow to the surrounding cultivation.
Finally, its fruits (walnuts) attract many passersby, who thereby tread the soil all around it, ruining whatever is growing there.
These petty loves cause the same harm to the soul:
On the one hand, they so monopolize it that it has no more strength for the good. On the other hand, they drag it through so many conversations, amusements and frivolities that they leave it no time for useful activities. Finally, they attract so many distractions, temptations and suspicions to it that it is completely trampled and ruined.
In brief, along with the love of God, these follies kill even the fear of displeasing Him. They agitate the mind and tarnish the reputation. In a word, they are the amusement of the world but the pestilence of hearts.
Don’t put your marriage on the back burner. Pray about it, make friends among those who build up instead of tear down, make friends with good books that are attitude-changers, be willing to say, “I’m sorry.” Go the extra mile…and then travel a little further. Every effort you expend in this area will make you and your family healthier, happier and holier! -Finer Femininity
Angelo and Rosie, with their group, left Paris and moved on to Spain. The first pictures are of the Burgos Cathedral, where El Cid and his wife, Doña Ximena Díaz are buried.
A couple more pictures of Lourdes….
Rosie’s commentary: You would not believe this place! We are up on a mountain in a little village where people walking the Camino will stop for room and board on their way up the mountains. The church here is known for a very significant Eucharistic miracle it’s almost like this village has not been touched by time!
Stained glass beauty….
Benedictine Monastery where they stayed in Santiago, Spain…
Beautiful Blessed Mother Wire Wrapped Rosary! Lovely, Durable. ~ Available here.
Each link is handmade and wrapped around itself to ensure quality.
This is a unique book of Catholic devotions for young children. There is nothing routine and formal about these stories. They are interesting, full of warmth and dipped right out of life. These anecdotes will help children know about God, as each one unfolds a truth about the saints, the Church, the virtues, etc. These are short faith-filled stories, with a few questions and a prayer following each one, enabling the moral of each story to sink into the minds of your little ones. The stories are only a page long so tired mothers, who still want to give that “tucking in” time a special touch, or pause a brief moment during their busy day to gather her children around her, can feel good about bringing the realities of our faith to the minds of her children in a childlike, (though not childish), way. There is a small poem and a picture at the end of each story. Your children will be straining their necks to see the sweet pictures! Through these small stories, parents will sow seeds of our Holy Catholic Faith that will enrich their families all the years to come!
This revised 1922 classic offers gentle guidance for preteen and teenage girls on how to become a godly woman. Full of charm and sentiment, it will help mother and daughter establish a comfortable rapport for discussions about building character, friendships, obedience, high ideals, a cheerful spirit, modest dress, a pure heart, and a consecrated life.
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Wow, El Cids burial place, very neat!
The reading is excellent, and heartbreaking because I know of a few who fell into this trap. People are so fragile. 😢
Yes, we are all fragile. Grace is what gets us through! 🙏🏻