St. Peter Julian Eymard, the saint of the Blessed Sacrament, lays down for us an ideal to follow as a mother of a family. He often refers to her as “adorer” meaning “Adorer of the Blessed Sacrament”. 

Duties of the Mother   

Duties towards her family… 

God has made of the family the center of Christian obligations, the sanctuary of His graces, and the fruitful field of every virtue.  

A married woman will then seek her perfection in accomplishing well her duties as wife and mother. She must therefore esteem her state of life, serve her family, and sanctify it.   

She must esteem her state of life.  

In practice that means loving her vocation, her family, and her home. She ought to love her vocation as being that which God, in His love, has selected for her in preference to every other.   

Any flower is beautiful when it is perfect; God pays more attention to one’s love than to the sublimity of one’s state. We never fail to please Him as long as we serve Him with loving faithfulness.   

She ought to love her family.   

A Christian family is a natural heir to the Holy Family of Nazareth, and as such should find its happiness in and be adorned with the same spirit and virtues. An adorer will love her husband as the representative, the minister of God’s authority. She will surround him with respect and assist him with affection and confidence.   

An adorer will love her children in a Christian manner, that is, in Jesus Christ, Who has said: “Let the children come to me, do not keep them back; the kingdom of God belongs to such as these.”‘   

Jesus has willed to become Himself a little child in order to make childhood still more lovable and worthy of the motherly care of divine charity.   

To be perfect, a mother’s love must be supernatural, tender and generous.   

Lastly, she ought to love her home. In order to be happy in her home, a mother must look upon it as another Nazareth; she must delight in it, and love the solitude and seclusion of it which keeps the world’s scandals at a distance and shelters her from its dangers; she ought to transform it into a cenacle of prayer and grace.   

One of her first concerns will be to have a well-regulated home, to assign to each one his duties, to insist on cleanliness and order and on the Christian politeness of her dependents among themselves, making herself the soul and center of everything.   

Her home will then be like the House of God; she will enjoy therein the delights of peace and the happiness of virtue.   

She must serve her family… 

 Once penetrated with deep esteem and love for her state, a mother must feel a strong impulse to serve her family. This service will become for her the form of her life, the substance and center of her virtues, the rule of piety set by God for her sanctification.   

The service of her family becomes the form of her life. The life of a mother is one entirely of dependence. In taking up her state of life, she sacrifices to God her liberty and will. Her life becomes a continuous act of self-denial; and blessed is she if she knows how to make this self-denial meritorious and Christian after the example of Jesus Christ, the model, in His Sacrament of love, of a perfect obedience, practiced without glory, without condition, without end.   

The service of her family becomes the substance and center of her virtues.   

The substance of her virtues… 

God has placed the grace and substance of the highest perfection in every state of life; it is the divine law of the love of God and neighbor applied to individual cases; it is the absolute condition of holiness and the crown of justice. When they interfere with the duties of one’s state, good works are not in order, and pious desires are illusions.  

A mother must then guard herself well against this temptation and never lose sight of the divine end which the will of God has marked out for her. Mary never overstepped the bounds of the simple and hidden vocation God had her. She attended exclusively to her humble duties of wife and mother, to the obscure labors of her poor condition, the simple and little virtues of everyday life. That is why she was so pleasing to God, so perfect in her love.   

Blessed is the mother who knows how to find in her state occasions for the practice of every virtue and the exercise of divine love; she has discovered the kingdom of God on earth.   

The center of her virtues… 

One practices the love of God by loving one’s neighbor. God is the principle and the end of virtue; the neighbor is the object of it. The virtues of a mother are all summed up in the practice of a kind charity.   

She will then be kind in her actions, in her relations with others, thus becoming for all the visible and sensible expression, as it were, of the goodness of God, of the sweetness of His fatherly providence; always calm, like the love of God, the divine motive which animates her; always good and condescending, like the divine goodness which sustains her; giving always and looking for no return, since she is satisfied with God; incessantly denying herself; always calm and gentle in the love of Jesus Eucharistic.   

The service of her family becomes the rule of her piety. Since the perfection of holiness consists in the perfect sanctification of her vocation, a mother must direct all her spiritual works to that end, just as the soldier uses all his science, his weapons, and his strength for the combat.   

She will therefore look upon piety as the supernatural means of sanctifying her state, and subordinate the exterior practices of it to her duties. That is why she will make it a point to regulate and coordinate her pious exercises in such a way that her principal duties are not interfered with.   

If she knows how to economize her time and be orderly, she will always find the means to foster her piety and attend properly to everything. In case of necessity or of a pressing demand of charity she will make it her duty to leave God for her neighbors, to set aside the sweetness of prayer and rest for the sacrifice of work, having only one watchword, God wills it!   

She ought to sanctify her family…   

Not content with serving her family, a mother must devote herself to its sanctification. That is the portion of the field entrusted by God to her assiduous care that she may cultivate it in all patience and make it yield fruit a hundredfold through the disinterested and generous zeal of an ardent charity.   

The divine mission of a mother is one of faith, virtue, prayer, and suffering. A mission of faith. She must be the first to speak of God, of the goodness of Jesus Christ to her children; to foster the growth of the seed of faith deposited in them by the grace of baptism; to watch with a great care over their innocence and to make Eucharistic piety and the love of Jesus Eucharistic a part of their early training.  

It is the mother that must preserve and keep up the faith of the family by being very strict in guarding it from everything that may scandalize one of its members.   

Faith is the Christian’s most precious treasure. Through spiritual readings and pious conversations, she will make the faith of her children to bear fruit.   

A mission of virtue.   

A mother must instill virtue in each one of her children and make it agreeable to them. She will first of all apply herself to making her own virtue simple and easy so that her children may become as it were naturally virtuous; gentle and pleasing — as was that of Jesus and Mary — so that she may win the hearts of all; strong and disinterested, so that she may always remain undisturbed in her trials and faithful to God in her sacrifices.   

If the husband God has given her is more of a sinner to convert than a Christian to edify, she will devote herself to his conversion with patience and confidence.   

A mission of prayer.   

A Christian mother will best sanctify her family by prayer; her prayer puts the finishing touch to what her words and examples had begun. God refuses nothing to the persevering prayer of a mother. He has placed her power and victory in prayer. Prayer should then be the habitual food of her soul.   

A mother will teach her children their prayers early. Inasmuch as she can, she will take it upon herself to have them fulfill this pious duty every day. She will specially get them into the habit of frequent visits to the Most Blessed Sacrament by leading them to church from their tenderest years.   

A mission of suffering.   

The title of mother is the fruit of suffering; God has willed it so. The title of spiritual mother can be acquired only on Calvary by the side of Mary, mother of all men.   

To obtain the grace of salvation for her children, a mother must then accept to suffer and to suffer alone with Jesus and Mary: blessed sufferings indeed, since they beget children of God and citizens of heaven to the life of grace.   

The greater is her suffering and the more devoid she is of all natural consolation, the more a mother should rejoice in divine charity; for that is the sign that the hour of victory is at hand.   

Happy the mother who has the wisdom of the Cross, the virtue of Jesus Crucified; all the sweetness and power of it will be hers. Let her then practice this crucified love without ceasing.; let her earnestly pray for it as for the surest and sublimest grace of perfection.   

Duties towards her neighbor… 

The duties of an adorer towards her neighbor fall into three classes: duties towards her relatives, duties towards her friends, and duties towards her social acquaintances.   

Duties towards her relatives… 

These duties are part of her Christian obligations. They are not always easy. Jealousy, self-interest, and the spirit of discord often make it difficult to keep the union of peace and charity.   

An adorer should in all charity and prudence spend herself in furthering the bonds of love among her relatives, in reconciling minds at variance, in smoothing over hurt feelings. She will always be successful in her mediation if she seeks only the glory of God and the spiritual good of her neighbors by setting aside her own interests and her self-love.   

She will always be a bond of union if, in her words, she is ever charitable towards all; if in her dealings with others, she is ever full of consideration and of deference for their rights seeking rather to serve than to be served, to be ignored than to shine.   

Duties towards her friends.. 

 From a motive of divine charity, an adorer should not, as a rule, seek to have friends outside her relatives. If however, in that respect, she happens to be isolated, and God has given her a friend with the same spiritual ambitions, let her love that friend as a sister and count on her for strength and help.   

But she should not forget that reserve is the salt of friendship. Reserve makes the Christian woman always pure in her affections, always prudent in her confidences, always noble in her sentiments, always modest in her manner of living.   

She should therefore be discreet concerning her sorrows and difficulties at home. One imprudent word is enough to destroy union in a family, to irritate wounds only half closed and light up the flames of discord.   

She should be reserved in revealing_the defects of her own; honor and charity make this a duty, and prudence makes it a rule of conduct. A friend may not always be discreet.   

If she is a mother, she should be judicious in the choice of her children’s friends. Friendship is the source of both good and evil among young people.   

Lastly, she should be reserved in the pouring out of her heart, especially in moments of sorrow and sadness. It is difficult to find a friend who, in such circumstances, can console and strengthen in God a distressed soul. Happy the soul that is satisfied with God and finds everything in God, light, strength and happiness.   

Duties towards social acquaintances… 

Due to her situation and the duties of her state of life, an adorer is often obliged to have dealings with the world. These duties fall into three classes: duties arising from politeness, from business, and from the social proprieties.   

Politeness. — These duties consist especially in receiving visits and in returning them. An adorer should lend herself readily to them when duty or charity requires it. On such occasions she should be known for her respect of the truth, for her love of charity, and for the edification of her neighbor.   

But in the interests of her religious duties and of those of her state, she should avoid as much as possible useless and idle visits, which dissipate the soul, weaken piety, and not seldom offend charity.   

Business. — Prudence and simplicity should regulate the managing of her business. She should be prudent in the choice of means, calling into play all that God has given her in the way of intelligence, of ability, and of honest industriousness to succeed in her work; that is the legitimate investment of one’s talents, spoken of in the Gospel. She should be simple in her business transactions, seeking only justice, acting only according to the truth, and trusting in God alone for success; a life that is based on faith wants it thus.   

Social proprieties.— An adorer is occasionally obliged to take part in worldly festivities; her position, her family obligations, the demands of friendship make it a duty for her to do so. On such occasions, which are distasteful to her piety, the virtues of modesty, charity, and humility will be her rule of conduct and her safeguard.   

Modesty. — Modesty should be her chief finery, her Christian protest against the vanities of the world, and her powerful defense against its dangers.   

Charity. — She should be gentle in order not to embarrass anyone, obliging in everything that conscience allows, devoted to the very limits of duty.   

Humility. — In the preset o human glory and ambition, the humility, she should shine in all her simplicity. She should step into the background and forget self in order to busy herself only with others; she should accept in peaceful serenity the humiliations inflicted on her self-love, knowing how to find God in the midst of the joys and pleasures of the world.   

Thus if she is modest, charitable, and humble, she can take part in worldly festivities without fearing its dangers. She will have done her duty and left behind her the sweet odor of the Eucharistic Christ, in Whom she lives and for Whom she acts.   

“Lord, Help me to be a good wife. I fully realize that I don’t have what it takes to be one without Your help. Take my selfishness, impatience, and irritability and turn them into kindness, long-suffering, and the willingness to bear all things. Take my old emotional habits, mindsets, automatic reactions, rude assumptions, and self-protective stance, and make me patient, kind, good, faithful, gentle, and self-controlled. I am not able to rise above who I am at this moment. Only You can transform me.” – The Power of a Praying Wife

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