by Alice von Hildebrand, By Love Refined

Dear Julie,

Your first year of marriage passed quickly! I was so busy this spring that I hardly realized May is almost over already. I apologize for forgetting to send flowers in time for your anniversary, but I’m glad that my phone call helped cheer what in many ways was a disappointing day for you. 

As I said on the phone, I sympathize with your distress at Michael’s having to bring home an unexpected guest from the office. It ruined the intimacy of your champagne and candlelight dinner and your disappointment endured even though Michael had called in advance to apologize. 

How often have I been similarly disappointed when my expectations were dashed by some unforeseen hitch – even though events as they finally unfolded would otherwise have been quite delightful.

The disappointment comes not from what occurred, but from measuring it against our (often unrealistic) expectations about what we think ought to have occurred.  When we dictate interiorly the conditions of our happiness, our very dreams become an enemy.

We assume that we have a right to have things go the way we planned and when they don’t, we feel that life is cheating us: “I was looking forward to this so much, and now I feel let down.” 

In such instances, I try to recall the title of C.S. Lewis’ book, Surprised by Joy, and I try to let myself be surprised by joy. I think you’ll find that the deepest and most beautiful moments in your life won’t necessarily be those you’ve planned, but those which are unexpectedly showered upon you like mysterious gifts. 

I’m not advocating a defeatist attitude toward life which says, “Don’t expect too much; you won’t be disappointed.” Far from it. Rather, I think we have to try to develop the attitude of a child who gratefully accepts the gifts placed in his path, without constantly making claims.

“Unless you become like little children, you shall not enter the kingdom of heaven.” 

Your experience with your spoiled anniversary dinner shows how dangerous it is to anticipate that an event will happen as you plan it. Clouds often come from nowhere to dash our expectations.

So I think we should always hope for the best but we should also humbly accept whatever is given, as God sends it.

Whether the sky is cloudy or serene, let’s always try to line our experiences with gratitude and sing love’s song of praise.  Congratulations once again on your anniversary! 

Lily

“When children are taught that their chores can be prayer….that the drudgery can be applied to the sufferings of some other child somewhere, who has no bed to make, who must spend his nights curled up in a hole, shivering, starved, unhappy, and with no one to care for him…those same chores can be changed into great spiritual joy!” -Mary Reed Newland, How to Raise Good Catholic Children

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