The Catholic Mother

Fr. Bede Jarrett, O.P., 1958

Assault on Family Life

Perhaps the most sinister menace of recent years has been the assault on family life, namely, first. on the family as an institution and, secondly, on the various relationships within the family, husband and wife, father and mother, children and parents. This assault is not indeed only of recent years, for it is to be found at the French Revolution also, and, before that, in Rousseau.

But there is this to be noticed: the assault that is being made at present on the family as the single unit of society comes no longer from one quarter, but is being delivered from many different angles. These attacks are sometimes conscious, deliberate, sometimes utterly unconscious. Thus those who advocate or denounce certain practices or principles are not always aware of what they are attacking, nor how inevitably what they hold today will lead them on to something else tomorrow, which at present they would repudiate but tomorrow will proclaim.

Thus when the practices of birth-control were first propagated, the opponents of them urged that if birth-control was taught there was no reason why abortion should not also be taught; and they were met by a very indignant denial on the part of those who favored birth-control that there was any connection between the two ideas. No doubt this denial was sincere, but it was short-sighted and futile.

The defenders of birth-control are equally now defenders of abortion. Sterilization of the unfit has already been added to their program. It will be made compulsory, no doubt, and not merely on those that are now held to be unfit. This is merely one instance of what is happening everywhere.

Again, the Lambeth bishops would have been disturbed if they had realized where their permissions were leading. But, with false principles from which to start, there is no end to the degradation that must follow. The next Lambeth Conference, if it is honest, will either go on to further abominations or go back. Thus, under the weight of Divorce, State Education, Sterilization, the present economic organization, etc., the family is gradually being assaulted from every angle.

Family Means Motherhood

Now the first point to realize is that all these various attacks are attacks on motherhood. They are also, no doubt, in part, attacks on freedom. They are attacks on motherhood precisely because what is attacked must inevitably be the center of the family-and round the mother grows up the home.

The father is also the center, but differently. He is the active external worker; the mother’s activities are as great but they have a smaller circumference. They are limited to nearer matters. By her activities the home is kept alive and is a true home. At no time, moreover, can she “knock off work”. Her factory has no hooter to sound the hour for stopping, her shop has no closing time, her office hours have no end.

Motherhood and Children

In thinking of the children we think of their education, and so of their Catholic education, for Catholic education is not a right so much as a duty. It is a duty which lies on the father and mother as soon as the child is born.

The ancient Greeks insisted on the importance of surrounding babyhood with beautiful things; the psychologist of today entirely agrees with this. Without intermission the Church has taught the same thing; only with her it is holy things that the child should be surrounded by, namely, that particular beauty that is radiant with goodness from God.

Thus the making of the sign of the Cross on itself, the joining of its hands together in prayer, a statue of the Child Jesus, a crucifix, statues of the Mother and Child, of St. Joseph, and of the Angel Guardian, should be familiar objects to a child, so that it grows up in an atmosphere of supernatural life. All this will depend largely on the mother’s sense of her duty to the child’s education and development.

Also the character of the child will need training as far as its frail condition will allow. It should not be allowed to grow up anyhow. Neither should it be nagged at. What is wanted is not to have to say, ‘you must not fight or lie or be selfish or disobedient, but to encourage children not to want to fight or lie or be selfish or disobey.

It is not actions, but character at the back of actions, that has to be laid hold of. Now character can only be formed by character on character. You can only train children properly by making them wish to form themselves on the model of another character. That is why it is a mother’s business to teach her child the beauty of the character of Christ.

And she will teach it to her child successfully only in proportion to the way she herself perceives it. Only because the mother loves the character of Our Lord is she likely to be able to show its beauty and greatness to her child, and convince it that He was great, is great. That is only another proof of the responsibility of motherhood: she and her child united ‘for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer in the things of the spirit.

The Profession of Motherhood

All this makes the profession of motherhood a very high responsibility. Indeed, it is a profession more challenging than any other profession in the world.

Hence motherhood asks of every mother a character of heroism. Mothers are the most constantly heroic of mankind. Mothers have therefore nearly always been found on the side of religion, for religion demands heroism of its followers. Religion is not an opiate, for religion does not help people to forget, but to remember. It does not dull people. It does not say Take, but Give. Religion asks everything of its believers, for religion is love, and love is the most demanding, the most costing, of all the passions of man.

Moreover, not only are mothers heroic because they are constantly being challenged to risk their lives, but also because more than any others they find their profession to be a ‘whole-time job. Mothers are never unemployed, or should not be, for their children are not merely to be born of them but tended by them until death parts them. Children take a deal of tending, children of all ages.

She has to go on looking after them as long as any of them are still at home; that is what inevitably happens, for she is the home. The family carries the nation, she carries the family. the whole of Christendom rests on the mother’s knee.

Wise Self-Sacrifice

To be self-sacrificing is admirable and motherly; but it has its disadvantages. It can be unwise.

Let us put it in this way. A mother will come to the priest and complain of her child to him. ‘Father, I have done everything for him, and now he turns round and is most selfish to me. Poor mother! All the more shall we pity her because his selfishness is in part her fault. Why did she do everything for her child? She should not have done everything. She should have let him do things for her himself.

When children are little, the mother does everything for them since they cannot do anything for themselves. But gradually she has to steel her heart against doing everything for them. They must be trained to do things for themselves. They must not be for ever dependent on her. She has to train them to get on without her, to be independent of her, to live their own lives, to look after themselves.

Even that is not enough. They must not only be trained to do things for themselves, they must be trained to do things for her. And they will want to do many things for her; that is their nature, they will want to help. There will be some things, of course, that very soon they will not want to do for her’dull, dreary things, fetching, cleaning, carrying. But these also they must be trained to do. The mother will often want to save time and trouble by doing them for herself, but if she does she will hurt her children’s character. She must train them young to work for others, to be unselfish, to give.

Mothers, then, must not allow their self-sacrificing nature, their heroism, to prevent them from demanding sacrifices in return from their children. Their needs and not her needs must be remembered. They need to be trained to give.

That only is wise self-sacrifice when it encourages and demands sacrifice. A generous mother can reduce her children to selfishness, a mother who does everything for her child has actually taught that child to be selfish.

Really good mothers are also wise mothers.

Piety in Mothers

Right in early childhood piety needs to be taught to children; but even in early childhood children are very different from each other in their attitude to piety.

What mothers have to do certainly is to study their children; each child is different. That is the beauty of a home, that children can be studied individually and with sympathy.

First, the mother has to insist upon religion, not as a matter of liking or not liking, but as a matter of duty; yet the duty must not be made distasteful.

The character of Christ, on the other hand, can always be an inspiration to a child; the stories of the Gospels, the scenes, the parables, His patience, courage, endurance, fortitude, fearlessness, His love of birds and flowers and the harvest, His choice of carpentering His love of the sea and the hills and of gardens at night for praying in, His forgiveness, all can be of interest as well as help to a child.

With all these he should be familiar at his mother’s knee. She can teach him to pray by showing him how to form his own prayers, how to ask and thank and praise, how to be silent and listen, how to gaze at Christ.

But no one can teach except what he has learnt himself. No mother can teach prayer who does not practise it. No one can give what he has not got.

The Success of Motherhood

Evidently the success of a mother is proved only in her discharge of her duties as a mother. If she fails in this she fails in everything else. She may succeed socially or publicly in other matters, but if she fails here she has failed where her first obligation lay, and where also her future happiness has most in store.

Nothing can compensate her, especially in her later years, for what she has failed to do in her mothering of her children.

Moreover, the world has many others who will do the work she surrenders for them. Others who have not her ties will do the public work in her place. But no one else can do her mothering for her. If she does not do it, it will not be done.

But if, after all, her children fail her afterwards? Indeed must they not always fail her? Must not her dreams of them be always greater than they can make come true? They cannot reach the heights she imagines them capable of reaching; but because she thinks them capable of reaching impossible heights they will be able to climb nearer to them than they would have done had she not believed.

But even if they fail her she must not fail them. However they fail in life, in good life, in faith, in all, her love must never slacken, nor her sympathy be less. Always she must show them sympathy.

She must always be their home; her heart their hearth, her love their welcome, her belief in them their inspiration, their return to her a symbol of another return.

“As a family, try to lead a hidden life with Jesus in the Holy Eucharist. Through holy Mass, offer yourselves through Mary’s hands as a sacrifice with Jesus; at Holy Communion, you will be changed into Jesus by divine grace so that you may live His life; by your visits to the tabernacle, you will enjoy His friendship in the midst of the many problems of life.” -Photo of my daughter and son-in-law at St. Joseph’s Church, Topeka, KS Quote by Fr. Lawrence G. Lovasik. The Catholic Family Handbook

“So I think that the whole fundamental measure of youth comes down to this: How alert is your mind? How responsive is your soul? How quick are your reactions? How many interests have you? Is the world wonderful to you, or is it a bore? Do you find most things delightful or annoying? Are you fond of new acquaintances and devoted to old friends?” If you enjoy this video , please Like and Subscribe.

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The Divine Favors Granted to St. Joseph ~ Available here.

Chosen by God for the incomparable vocation of spouse of the Blessed Virgin Mary and foster father of Our Lord Jesus Christ; St. Joseph received magnificent divine graces and favors not granted even to the Old Testament Patriarchs. Known as the most humble of men; St. Joseph received from Almighty God the authority to command both Our Lady and the Son of God Himself; and in Heaven he continues to have great intercessory power with God.
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God, A Woman and the Way ~ Available here.

Father weaves a tapestry of the Church’s teaching on the unity of the members of Christ’s Mystical Body using profound and picturesque meditations on the seven sorrows of the Blessed Mother:

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• The Loss of the Young Christ,
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