Do you feel like you have been forgotten, that your life isn’t what it should be, that, somehow, you are not good enough because you are still single?
Another friend is getting married. You are happy to be picked as bridesmaid, but really…..all you want is to be the one walking up the aisle in that beautiful white gown! In your heart you feel….unpicked.
Remember the story in the Bible where another Apostle had to be chosen because Judas was gone from the Little Band? Do you know the method they used to pick between the two men, Barsabbas and Matthias? A prayer was said and straws were drawn and whoever had the longest straw was the disciple!
Wow! That’s amazing. Such an important job….and a straw is drawn!
“And they gave them lots, and the lot fell upon Matthias, and he was numbered with the eleven apostles.” -Dhouay Rheims
I’m sure Matthias was very happy! But what about Barsabbas? Did God forget about him? Did God not have big plans for him?
Just because Barsabbas was not “picked” in this particular instance did not mean that God loved him less or that he had been overlooked or that He didn’t have wonderful plans laid out for him.
How about you? Do you find it very difficult when the ladies around you are getting “picked” and you are not. Does it make you sad that you have not found that “one and only” yet?
Of course! It is hard to wait on Our Lord when it seems like life is passing quickly!
I remember those single days, in the interim, before I was married. I lived in Canada, really in a spiritual desert. I had quit my “important” job and went to live back with my mom and dad who had moved to a small town and bought a gas station. I pumped gas.
I was reading some very good books at the time and I knew in my heart I wanted the noble and wonderful vocation as wife and mother.
But wife and mother to who? Ah, there lay the rub! The town I lived in had about 400 people. And believe me, serious Catholics were hard to find, even in the big cities!
I remembered what my dear mentor and older friend had said to me. “If you want to be a wife and mother, Leane, start now by learning everything you can about that important vocation. Roll up your sleeves and practice cooking, cleaning, sewing, music, art. Read good books on the subject….on parenting, gardening, ‘good wife’ books, etc.”
This is one reason I had left my job in the big city. To me, it was not helping me get to my final goal. No, it was hindering it. No one could understand why I left and went to pump gas. But I had a goal. And part of that goal was being back home helping Mom and Dad.
Now, life did not go all that smoothly from this point on. But circumstances led me to write a dear priest in the U.S. and I asked him what I should do. He told me to come to his Apostolate, help him by working in the office, and he would help me, mentor me, on my journey.
I did this. I was there for eleven months, serving this dear priest’s apostolate, going to Mass and Benediction each day. It was a time of spiritual growth. I learned so much about my Faith! And I met my husband, who had also come to serve at this Catholic Shrine…..
The point being, if you are downcast about being “unpicked”, don’t be! You have much to learn and it can be very fulfilling! It can also be fun! It really can be!
Get some cookbooks and start planning the meals!
Learn to sew, crochet, arrange flowers, paint, etc.
Join the Legion of Mary, serve others…at home and elsewhere.
Serve the busy mothers with many children….babysit for them, help with their homeschooling.
Be with the children. Read to them, teach them Catechism. There is nothing so beautiful as a young woman who spends herself for the little ones….
Work hard wherever you are at!
But the most important thing is growing spiritually! If you can go to daily Mass, do it! Pray for your future spouse.
Read good spiritual Catholic books. I have two lists you can look at:
Learn to be happy, even in trying circumstances. This is the very thing that will carry you through when your vocation is in place and the crosses come.
Life is an adventure! Give, give, give to God and He will more than meet you half way! But be on the lookout for what He is trying to teach you. Have an open heart to His Voice. We do this by grace.
We often don’t recognize His Voice but if you are doing what it takes, He will lead you to what His Will is for you. And ultimately, that is what will make you happy!
In my little fairy tale story above, I have one sentence that is very important and I didn’t expound on: After I moved back home, life did not go all that smoothly from this point on.
My family life was not great. I met discouragement, I was in tears at times, things could look black. It wasn’t roses. But I kept seeking and praying…and trying to have peace with it all.
God didn’t turn a deaf ear to me. I had to be patient. Patience is one of the hardest things to learn…and it is something that will have to be practiced all through our lives.
God is not turning a deaf ear to you! Are you kidding? He loves you and has something wonderful in mind for you!
You must get through the lonely times, those times when you feel “unpicked” and remember….God sees the bigger picture, you don’t. Keep that in mind and seek for inner happiness, through the grace of God, in the interim. Work towards getting “better” not “bitter”!
You will be blessed!
You may also like this post, In Praise of Unmarried Women.
In spite of all its trials, marriage promises to the young couple happiness in abundance. There is the first happiness of home-making and the supreme joy that comes when they look upon their first-born and know it to be theirs. Strength comes of working out together life’s problems and of “halving sorrow and doubling joy by sharing them.” Pride thrills them as their sons grow strong and their daughters charming. Courage springs from knowing that they do not work nor walk alone. Then, when their work is largely done and their children go off to found their own families or give themselves to God, they feel the calm happiness of turning their faces toward heaven with the sense of a gathered harvest, full granaries, and their Master waiting to bless them for a crowded and useful life. -Fr. Daniel A. Lord
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St. John Vianney, the Cure d’Ars, though he was not thought competent to preach or hear confessions, became one of the greatest preachers and confessors of his age.
The 19th century was one of optimism for French Catholicism, but, following the horrors of the French Revolution, there was also a feeling of lukewarmness and an approach to the moral life that felt sin could not be all that bad.
St. John Vianney, on the other hand, would not suffer to see souls be damned for lukewarmness. His preaching permeates with the love of God first and foremost, and clear prescriptions for leading his flock to heaven.
Thank you for writing your experience, I appreciate it. I also try to learn a lot about homelife before stepping into it with husband if it is Gods will. I think many women are single until certain older age because they have been deeply hurt by some man from church who gave a word and broke it, they have been betrayed and I know the feeling… Then they have trouble trusting others and even God that He has somebody from them.
Very good for the single, and for anyone waiting…… And waiting….. For a prayer to be answered…..
Thank you for this article, Liane.
I am 22 and living at home with my parents, while so many of my friends are getting married. I am not even sure if I feel called to marriage, and have barriers to religious life.
My family life is not great. My parents are so furious with me for veiling at Mass or wanting to attend a Traditional Mass. It has gotten so bad, I think I have to stop. Feel so lost and alone, but your article reminded me this morning that Jesus has a plan. He is in control. Thank you xx
Thank you for your comment, please know that I will say a prayer for you and your situation. God bless you!
Thank you Leane. God bless you and all your family.
I want to chime in, as a happily married woman, it ain’t always roses on this side of the fence. I still suffer bouts of loneliness even with my devoted husband by my side. It’s because we all have a God sized hole in our hearts that only He can fill. I’m still waiting for heaven.
Beautiful Anna. 💞🙏🏻