by Charlotte Siems (Used with Permission)
I like this article by Charlotte Siems, a mother of 12, as she answers the following question…
“I always try to keep in mind the fact that it will, and does, go by so fast. I really do try to enjoy it, but sometimes I’m better at doing that in theory and thought than in practice. Do you have any tips on how to apply this thought in a practical way?”
First of all, be assured that no one does it perfectly. In the midst of three little kids with stomach flu or washing the underwear of a resistant potty-trainer, it’s normal to feel that mothering is less than enjoyable. Almost everyone has thought, at one time or another, “Are these kids ever going to grow up?”
The problem comes when that is the controlling thought of your life. A constant stream of self-pity and avoiding responsibility just makes for a miserable Mom, and it’s not going to make the children grow up any faster. Pining away for the life you used to have or wishing away the diaper-changing years is foolish.
In addition, those thoughts turn into words. It’s a sad thing for a child to overhear his mother complain about him to another person. When the child hears “he’s my wild one” his little mind accepts that label and sets about being just that. Can you imagine the rejection a little girl feels when she hears that her Mom can’t wait until the kids go back to school? Speak life-giving words, not words of death and rejection and disdain.
As part of the mystery of life, we love those whom we serve. Sometimes the answer when it’s hard is to actually go the second mile. Rather than just throw the cereal bowls on the table, lay a cloth and light a candle. Beauty feeds your own soul and your children’s as well.
Part of serving those whom we love is to make a commitment to avoid complaining, negative words and a pained expression when you are serving your children. I know that I failed at this many times over the years and it’s a painful regret. Think about how you feel when someone is doing something for you with sighs and rolling eyes. It’s not very nice, is it? Too often we get aggravated about tasks that we must do because of another’s inability to do it for themselves—and that’s not their fault.
To a great extent, our ability to enjoy our children’s season of childhood depends on how well we take thoughts captive.
Our reactions to our family can be affected when we get dragged out and exhausted on the journey because we’re not caring for ourselves. I spent a lot of years very overweight and that reflected my belief that I was being noble for putting everyone else ahead of my basic needs. I also felt that I didn’t deserve to be cared for, but that’s another post entirely. I’m not advocating an attitude of “I have my rights” but many of us need a gentle reminder that reasonably caring for ourselves helps us care better for others.
This care not only includes food, hydration and rest, but exercise and personal growth as well. Motherhood has stretched me to the uttermost as a person, and I somehow made time to invest in my own education and training. I read books about home organization, cooking, marriage, homeschooling, home decorating and more—whatever area of my home or life that I was working on at the time. The internet has now opened limitless opportunities for learning.
Just make sure that whatever resources you choose, they influence you for good. If a certain blog or magazine or person makes you feel discontent and annoyed with your circumstances, run, don’t walk, to remove it from your life. Choose uplifting, encouraging and challenging–not harsh or guilt-producing—input, training and mentoring. Take care who and what you allow to influence you. Check the fruit of their life and method. Beware the teacher who read a book and is now trying to tell you how to do it!
Finally, make it easier on yourself whenever you can. Paper plates and disposable diapers can be lifesavers during a rough season. Put up gates in the doorways and rest on the couch while little ones play nearby. Stay home and let the kids get their naps. Consistently discipline your children, for that will definitely make your life easier (and theirs, too).
Rather than trying to escape home, set about learning how to make it the best, most homey place on earth for your family. We get more of what we focus on. You can choose to focus on “these kids are driving me crazy” or “how can I make this situation better?”
I didn’t name this post “Surviving Your Kids’ Childhood” because I don’t want you to think that way. Sure, we joke about it sometimes, but when your child is thirty years old you’ll wistfully remember these years as good ones.
Dr. Herbert Ratner, longtime pediatrician and La Leche League consultant, once said this about parenting:
“The years between 40 and 60 are just as long as the years between 20 and 40. What you do in the first twenty years will determine how happy you are in the second twenty years.”
Chin up, Mom. Find ways to help you keep the right perspective when your courage is flagging. Years from now you won’t wish that you had ignored your kids and yanked their diapers and hated every minute of having little ones. You’ll be glad you did what it took to do the hard things and stay faithful and give your children a happy and secure childhood.
“In truth, the family circle is the nursery of saints as of sane human beings. There the child finds the love, security and guidance which are his greatest needs. It is by loving and being loved that persons grow as persons. It is in the family that relationships are essentially personal and each person is valued as a person.” -Dominican Sister, Australia, 1955
We must realize that building back to traditional values starts, first, in ourselves and in our homes. Which, in turn, will affect our communities and society in general. And our dress is a powerful means to do just that! It IS like a billboard saying, “There is still something beautiful, noble and good in this world, and it is worth living for.”
Penal Rosaries! Penal rosaries and crucifixes have a wonderful story behind them. They were used during the times when religious objects were forbidden and it was illegal to be Catholic. Being caught with a rosary could mean imprisonment or worse. A penal rosary is a single decade with the crucifix on one end and, oftentimes, a ring on the other. When praying the penal rosary you would start with the ring on your thumb and the beads and crucifix of the rosary in your sleeve, as you moved on to the next decade you moved the ring to your next finger and so on and so forth. This allowed people to pray the rosary without the fear of being detected. Available here.
To the modern mind, the concept of poverty is often confused with destitution. But destitution emphatically is not the Gospel ideal. A love-filled sharing frugality is the message, and Happy Are You Poor explains the meaning of this beatitude lived and taught by Jesus himself. But isn’t simplicity in lifestyle meant only for nuns and priests? Are not all of us to enjoy the goodness and beauties of our magnificent creation? Are parents to be frugal with the children they love so much?
For over half a century, Catholic families have treasured the practical piety and homespun wisdom of Mary Reed Newland’s classic of domestic spirituality, The Year and Our Children. With this new edition, no longer will you have to search for worn, dusty copies to enjoy Newland’s faithful insights, gentle lessons, and delightful stories. They’re all here, and ready to be shared with your family or homeschooling group. Here, too, you’ll find all the prayers, crafts, family activities, litanies, and recipes that will help make your children ever-mindful of the beautiful rhythm of the Church calendar.
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Erica Piferrer said:
This says it all! I am going to print it out and keep it in my journal. Thank you for these life-giving words.
Thank you Charlotte and Leanne…. But this is sick week(s) and it is very long, survival mode has set in… 🙁 it won’t last forever, and it’s great to read from other moms. ❤️
Mrs. T said:
I’ll pray for you, maryarc. The sick seasons are so trying! God bless you.