“All This Mindless Housework!” ~ Alice von Hildebrand

by Alice von Hildrebrand, By Love Refined

Dear Julie,

Yes, I can understand why my letter lifted your spirits as you faced a mountain of housework after the holidays. I can also understand how in those circumstances, Betty Friedan’s Feminine Mystique might seem more appealing than usual, especially her claim that women are bored to death doing housework and caring for children instead of working out in the world. (I imagine that Michael is also somewhat bored fixing things around the house or helping you with the housework.) 

For both of you, one thing is certain: if love is no longer the animating spirit behind home activities, they do become hopelessly boring. But the same is true of everything else. Typing for pay is boring; you bear it at the office only because you need the money. But like all boring things, it can be transformed if it is done for love. 

If you only knew what a privilege it was for me to type the manuscripts of my husband’s books! He, in turn, often cooked our meals, partially because he was a great cook when it came to Italian food and I was (and have remained) a very mediocre one.

But while my husband cooked, I helped in the kitchen. It worked out beautifully, and our collaboration transformed even the most tedious tasks into joy. 

In order for your marriage to be truly happy (and a successful marriage is always a happy one), everything– absolutely everything you and Michael do – must be motivated by love and related to the great human purpose of your life – your marriage to each other – even when this love isn’t felt. 

It’s so easy for us to forget that nothing is small for someone who loves. Our own mediocrity can make things small; but if we’re animated by love, even our small deeds grow great with meaning. 

So when you face your daily tasks, don’t sigh over their insignificance or grumble about the time they absorb. See them as little deeds of love.

Small deeds in the kitchen done for love have greater value than a brilliant Wall Street merger accomplished out of greed.

After all, what is our existence on this earth? A series of small actions and activities. Few are those whose lives are dedicated to great things (whatever is meant by “great”).

Most of us must toil by the sweat of our brow, planting, sowing, threshing, cleaning, and repairing…until we die.  This is inescapable, but not a reason for discouragement, for the art of living consists in finding the meaning in these small tasks by relating them to love. This is the secret of marriage (and of sanctity). 

You know the great fondness I have for oriental rugs: their patterns, their colors, and their designs fascinate me. It has always amazed me that these masterpieces of creativity are actually made up of tiny bits of wool, lovingly combined. 

If someone were to give me many short bits of wool, most likely I would throw them in the wastebasket. What can I do with a few ounces of wool? But a carpet weaver thinks differently. He knows what marvels we can achieve by using small things artfully and lovingly. 

Like the oriental carpet weaver, the good wife must be an artist of love. She must remember her mission and never waste the little deeds that fill her day – the precious bits of wool she’s been given to weave the majestic tapestry of married love.  I’m confident that yours will be very beautiful. 

Affectionately,

Lily

The great St. Bernard wrote in his rule that whenever the monastic bell rang, the monks were to drop what they were doing and go to whatever they were being called to.

In our homes, our monastic bell is all the many things beckoning at us throughout the day…the diapers to be changed, the dishes that need doing, the laundry that needs to be done, etc.

We respond to these things right away, even though we many not want to, remembering that these duties are the very things that will make us holy.

Little one-minute talks about various pertinent subjects ~ Control Your Thoughts, Manners in Church, Loving God Like Mary, Let God Be in Control, Compliment Your Spouse, Be an Inspiration, True Humility, We Need Mary, etc.

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