Thank you to Matthew and Lisa Jacobson for their permission to use this article…
In our daily lives, we sometimes forget the immense power of our words and actions—how even a disapproving glance or a casual correction in front of others can impact the respect and love within our marriages. In this article, we’ll explore how, as wives, we can uplift our husbands with kindness and humility, strengthening not only our relationships but the very foundation of our families.
The Kingmaker by Matthew Jacobson
The woman who builds up her husband in public will soon find she is married to a king.
You are a kingmaker. Do you realize that? Proverbs 31 is clear. The reason the husband of the Proverbs 31 Woman is respected in the gate – in public, among his peers – is because of how his wife conducts herself. There is one area where every wife has an opportunity to make her husband feel like a king: how she interacts with him in public.
We’ve all observed a wife tearing down her husband in the company of others. When a wife openly and regularly contradicts her husband in conversation with others, whether intentionally or not, she is diminishing him, herself, and their marriage.
But he was wrong about the trip; it was the first, not the second week in June. I was just setting the record straight. No, that happened when Johnny was eight not nine. He always gets the facts wrong!
It’s almost always unnecessary to correct your husband in public. So why is it happening?
I’m smart when it comes to the details. I remember the facts better than he does. Why shouldn’t I be part of the conversation, too?
Being part of the conversation and cutting down your husband in front of others are not the same thing. Cutting down your husband is exactly what is happening when you repeatedly correct and contradict him.
Yes, you’re smart, but do you have humility? If there is a crucial bit of information that absolutely needs correcting, the discreet, wise wife will find a moment to take her husband aside privately and tell him respectfully.
Is your husband respected – in public, by the people you know – because of how you conduct yourself?
Do you resist the impulse to correct him before others? Remember, you are a kingmaker. It’s how God designed marriage. Use your power wisely. “Her husband is known in the gates, when he sits among the elders of the land.”
(Proverbs 31:23)* Dear Lord, Help me never to contradict my husband in public, either directly with words or indirectly by a disapproving look. In Jesus’ name, amen.
Ask your husband: “Do I contradict you in front of others? Have I ever shown a lack of support by giving you a disapproving look when we are with others?”
*Douay Rheims: Her husband is honourable in the gates, when he sitteth among the senators of the land.
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This is a helpful article, whether one is newly married or 50 years married, or in my parent’s case, 71 years married! It is a temptation, particularly in our age when women’s “liberation” (which is anything BUT liberation!) pushes and shoves women to always “one-up” their husbands. It is always a direct attack on the bond of the sacrament of marriage, putting a wedge between spouses. It is also something that can passively be handed down to our daughters when they wittness their mother publicly “correcting” their father, a real shame, since it can bring discord in a daughter’s marriage as she recalls how her mother dealt with her father in a similar situation. It may be true what you say, but, there is a time and place for such discussions, in private, without an audience, and spoken only in love, not as a correction or a scolding, with the desire of good for the spouse. If it’s trivial, then for heavens sake, as that little song goes: “Let It go!” It can happen both ways, of course, we must always treat our spouse, as the Golden rule says, as we ourselves desire to be treated. If you’re the recipient, forgive and forget. Life’s too short not to.🕖✨
What Kansas city said, the one up thing…. I have seen that destroy. And when you look back how small it started and then just little by little destroyed a marriage, a family. And it wasn’t the only thing, but it was the tip of the avalanche. A whole family has this heart ache and everyone who knew them is hurt as well. It is a real nightmare!
Everyone needs a hobby! The trick is to keep it that way and not make it in competition to your husband job. There are women who say if I don’t have this side thing, we won’t make ends meet. This is serious especially when a family is at stake and funds are short. But the problem comes in when the wife does a really good job and the husband who already was struggling sees himself just more and more a loser. What is the solution to this? How do you boost the husband morale but keep the income for the family? I suspect there must be really good communication, but if that is gone and things just get worse, what then? 😥