The Problem of Youth (Part 1) ~ Fr. T. Grealy, 1944

THE PROBLEM OF YOUTH

By Rev. T. Grealy, 1944

INTRODUCTION

No problem today causes more concern to the Church and the State than that which arises from the failure of some parents to bring up their children in a truly Christian manner. We cannot expect our youths to prove themselves good citizens unless they are taught what is necessary for good citizenship.

Good citizenship can be built only on a foundation of the Christian principles of Truth, Justice, Obedience and Charity. If parents do not realize this fact and act accordingly, some steps must be taken in the interest of the children and of society.

Frequently we find that one person’s morality is gauged by the other man’s faults. We have often heard people say that “You cannot get on these days if you are honest.” This seems to imply that our conduct must be bad because other men are bad.

We read much in the newspapers about “National Fitness”. It is a national necessity we are told. By this is meant, I presume, that every person should be physically fit to meet any physical emergency that may arise. There seems to be little thought given to moral fitness as a national necessity. In many countries some men and women have given a lead in what they are pleased to call “Moral Rearmament”. In Australia little has been done in this direction.

Strange Gods

Men have turned their minds so much to material things that they have practically forgotten that each has a soul. Many have forgotten that there is a God. So long as men pay too much attention to material things, so long will they place such things in a prominent position in their lives. Eventually they are set up in place of God Himself.

The Commandment “Thou shalt not have strange gods before me” is not confined to the setting up of false gods in the form of idols or images. With one person money is a god, with another it is physical fitness, with another it is sport.

It is extraordinary how people will go to the utmost extremes in order to adore these gods of their own making but question them about the one true God or ask them to serve Him, and the trouble is too great either to learn such truths or to give some time to the honor of the one true God. All should be wise about the things that are above: NOT the things that are upon earth.

The Purpose

The purpose of the present writer is to set down a few thoughts on the all important subject of “The Problem of Youth” in the hope that his efforts may be rewarded, even in some small way. For the most part, what is written here is information gained from personal experience. Theories may be quite good in some things, but in the case of youths more and more experience will avail most.

For the past eighteen years the writer has been a close observer of children-especially boys-and his impressions are here recorded for the benefit of those who have to deal with children.

BRINGING UP A FAMILY

Early Training

It is the duty of parents to begin early in the life of the child to teach him obedience. Educationalists agree that the most impressionable period of a child’s life is up to the seventh year. During this period parents can make or mar the character and disposition of the child.

This being true, parents should commence when the child is still in the cradle. Even the smallest child can and should be made to understand, as far as its mental capacity will permit, that it is not allowed to overrule its parents.

This does not mean that the parents are to be cruel towards their children. It means that the parents must be firm. They should not allow the child to coax them to change their minds. In later years this firmness is not to be relaxed in any way.

Unless parents master the child while it is young the child will, in later life, master the parents. This sad spectacle is too often seen in otherwise good Catholic families. The fourth commandment has little meaning where such children are concerned. It is usually a case of “Parents obey your children”.

Children frequently tell their parents what they wish to do and what they intend to do. Parents will admit that their child will not do what they want it to do. Just imagine a boy of 10 or 12 years of age dictating to his parents. But imagine the parents allowing the child to defy their authority!

Divided Control

In many homes there is a serious plague which, for want of a better name, we may call “divided control”. The father, for example, corrects the child (perhaps uses rather stern measures as the case demands) and immediately the child finds refuge in the mother.

Perhaps the mother administers the correction and the child finds a “true friend” in the father. If correction is necessary, it should be administered in a kind but firm manner. Temper must not influence the correction and both parents should agree on the point.

If a mistake has been made no good purpose will be served by the parents arguing about the merits or demerits of the case in the presence of the child. Great damage will be done by one parent taking sides against the other in the matter of correction.

Neither praise a child too much in his presence nor condemn him in the presence of others. Too much affection and over-confidence will eventually do a great deal to ruin the character of the child.

When the child does something seriously wrong or when he reaches the age of puberty and learns certain truths, the parent who has shown too much confidence will receive a severe shock. Your child can do wrong, for he is no different from any other child. Your duty is to protect that child, and you are not protecting him by treating him like a hothouse plant.

At the same time, the child should not be exposed to dangers.

Back-answers are not to be tolerated under any circumstances. Obedience should be prompt and cheerful. If a child is told to do something that child should do it-not his brother or sister.

Respect for the Truth

A detestation of lies will go a long way towards strengthening character. Encourage your children to tell the truth and to have a great love for it. Give them the example by telling the truth yourselves. Do not use a lie to extricate yourselves from a difficult situation.

When a child has told the truth this should be regarded as at least half of the punishment for the offense, and parents need not be too severe with a child who tells the truth. However, they should be careful that the child does not think he can do what he wishes without any punishment.

There is a danger that a certain bravado or insolence may arise from such over-indulgence by allowing the child to go unpunished on every occasion.

Shirking

In the care of very small children, parents of very small children parents should not allow the juvenile nurse -girl to assume too much control and responsibility. This is but one example where some modern mothers shirk part of their personal responsibilities.

A child is not capable of tending an infant and bringing it up in the place of the mother. It is quite easy to understand how a child may do some harm (unintentionally, of course) to an infant and be too afraid to say anything about it. Yet some mothers are only too pleased to hand their baby over to a little girl to mind. Every mother has a serious responsibility in the rearing of her children. Far more serious than many wish to admit.

Commencing School

When the time comes for the child to attend school it should be taught to regard school as something necessary in its life. In the minds of some children there is a dread of commencing school simply because someone has given the child a totally wrong impression of it.

A child of, say, 4 or 5 years, does wrong and the threat held over him is that “next day you will go to school and then you will have to behave yourself.” This gives the little one the impression that going to school is to be some kind of punishment for past misdeeds and he attends school with a prejudice-a prejudice that cannot be easily dispelled from his mind. He begins this all-important work with a grudge.

Would it not be better to explain to the child that everyone of us must do what God wants us to do? Each person has a certain part to play in life and he must be where God desires him to be.

God wishes the child to be at school as that is its place for a certain period of its life. Hence by attending school cheerfully and regularly the child will please God.

 I know that some will object to this on the plea that one should not preach at the child. This is NOT preaching. It is making religion part of the daily life of the individual, and religion counts for nothing unless it IS part of his daily life.

Obligations of Parents

When a mother leads her child to the door of the school and hands him over to the care of the teachers her obligations do not cease then and there. Parents always have obligations towards their children just as children have obligations towards their parents.

Children are under the control of the teachers for about six hours each day during five days of the week. What are the children doing during the remainder of the week? In many cases they do just what THEY choose to do. It is hardly fair, then, if parents blame the school when their child does something seriously wrong.

Home training must always precede school time and must go hand in hand with it. Parents should co-operate with the teachers in every way, and be sufficiently interested in the progress of their children to call at the school occasionally and have a talk with the teachers.

They should not show themselves in any way antagonistic to the teachers-especially when the child is present. The teachers take the place of the parents for a short time-a mere 25 or 30 hours a week-and the teacher’s task is by no means an easy one.

Where Are Your Children?

In a family where proper control is exercised parents will know where their children are at all times-day and night. Children trained in obedience will ask permission before leaving the home.

They should state where they intend to go and at what time they expect to return. Should the child decide to go elsewhere he should remember that he was given permission to go to a certain place and before altering his destination should ask permission.

Without being too suspicious, parents should never feel certain that their child is all that they think him to be. This misplaced confidence has brought many tears to the eyes of more than one mother.

The first intimation they receive of the child’s wrong-doing is when the police take charge of the boy for some serious offense. It is a good practice to inquire now and then (in a casual manner, without casting any reflection on the boy) if he has gone where he has stated he was going and with the companions he has been allowed to have. Remember that your child can do wrong. No human being is an angel.

While guarding their children against evil associations parents should not offend in the other direction by keeping the child caged up. Recreation within reasonable limits is necessary for everyone. A child that is caged up becomes morose and discontented. There is a probability that he will break out when least expected. He needs to associate with other children and to take part in a reasonable amount of sport.

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